Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Side Parts, Skinny Jeans & Sex

Transcript

Side Parts, Skinny Jeans & Sex · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

0:02
Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot with Cabinet. Okay, you guys, welcome
0:11
Speaker 1: to this week's Teddy Teapot. I am super excited because
0:17
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be co hosting with my friend Chris, a claner.
0:20
Speaker 1: You guys have seen her on the Daily Pop. She
0:23
Speaker 1: is so fun. She has such a light, amazing personality
0:27
Speaker 1: and super cute kids that we have so much to
0:29
Speaker 1: connect on, especially all the juice. So let's get started. So, Chris,
0:38
Speaker 1: thank you for joining me this week. Like how I
0:40
Speaker 1: had to slide into your d M s I was like, hey, anytime, girl,
0:45
Speaker 1: You're always welcome in my d M. I was like,
0:47
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna have to slide into her
0:49
Speaker 1: d M to see if she can join me on
0:51
Speaker 1: this week's Teddy teapod. Um, what did you have to
0:54
Speaker 1: do to bribe your kids so that you could do
0:56
Speaker 1: this right now? Oh? Well you picked a perfect time.
0:59
Speaker 1: This is now time. So it's not bribing my kids.
1:01
Speaker 1: It's bribing my husband to watch to make sure the
1:04
Speaker 1: kids stay asleep. So that's how that works. So I'll
1:08
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I'm going to have Oh there's my
1:10
Speaker 1: spark hold on. Um. Yeah, so I'm pretty sure I'm
1:15
Speaker 1: gonna have to make up for it afterwards. I'm sure
1:17
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on dinner duty tonight. That's how it goes.
1:20
Speaker 1: I know. My kids came in like probably about three
1:22
Speaker 1: minutes before I hopped on, and my daughter was like, Mom,
1:25
Speaker 1: you have to come down. You have to see this.
1:27
Speaker 1: And I'm like what. And it's that the dogs had
1:30
Speaker 1: gotten to a bird. And I'm like, I really had
1:33
Speaker 1: to see this. Dad is downstair. He could have seen this.
1:38
Speaker 1: He could have been the one to help you with this. Always,
1:41
Speaker 1: always I want mom to do it. I want Mom.
1:43
Speaker 1: It has to be Mom. You're like, no, no, no,
1:45
Speaker 1: this is a dog eating a bird that is dead.
1:48
Speaker 1: I think dad. And then if there's anything that screams
1:51
Speaker 1: more Dad, it's that that one. And then they want
1:54
Speaker 1: to really get into the details, like do you think
1:57
Speaker 1: the bird was taking a nap from the dog? I
2:00
Speaker 1: don't know what you're like, And I don't have time
2:03
Speaker 1: to break this down for you right now. I really don't.
2:06
Speaker 1: I have to go talk about other people's problems. Most importantly, Yes, yeah,
2:12
Speaker 1: I totally feel you. It's tough, but yeah, you make
2:14
Speaker 1: this happen, and you've got lots of kids in the
2:16
Speaker 1: house and they're all different ages. See, luckily my kids
2:18
Speaker 1: are still doing nap times, so I at least have
2:21
Speaker 1: a couple hours of the day. That's my saving grace. Well,
2:24
Speaker 1: we have babies the same age, right, Like, hell yeah,
2:27
Speaker 1: well dev is nine months. Zoe, my daughter is nine
2:31
Speaker 1: months and dev Iss Yeah, so they're pretty close. So
2:35
Speaker 1: are you on two naps or three naps? Two knaps?
2:39
Speaker 1: Soon as we're on two naps too. But she's ready,
2:42
Speaker 1: like she's she's tapping at the window, but like thirty
2:47
Speaker 1: minutes on the second nap, like she's almost over. She's almost.
2:50
Speaker 1: But you gotta hold onto it because the lunch time nap,
2:55
Speaker 1: once the world opens back up again, it is not
2:58
Speaker 1: And I feel now you want to take them out
3:01
Speaker 1: and go to lunch or go on walk or do
3:04
Speaker 1: those things. And I'm like, no, I like the two
3:06
Speaker 1: nap the gap, but like, come on, I know, I know,
3:10
Speaker 1: we still have two naps and she's still holding on
3:12
Speaker 1: strong to those, so that's good. And then Chase, Chase,
3:16
Speaker 1: I can still take one nap a day, which he's
3:18
Speaker 1: three sore. When I kept my kids doing it for
3:22
Speaker 1: as long as possible and then they were in a
3:24
Speaker 1: preschool that like had the nap until kindergarten. I was like,
3:27
Speaker 1: this is a dream, yes exactly. I love that we're
3:31
Speaker 1: going from kids nap schedule to cannables. I feel like
3:37
Speaker 1: the transition is key. This is this feels like daily pop.
3:42
Speaker 1: I have to tell you that I have realized I
3:46
Speaker 1: haven't like since all the since everything has happened with Corona,
3:50
Speaker 1: and I'm not the world's best sleeper. I go to
3:53
Speaker 1: sleep at like a regular time and then I'm up
3:56
Speaker 1: at like two am. I've realized I have an insatiable
4:00
Speaker 1: need to investigate during that time. Well that's you know,
4:04
Speaker 1: I was just reading a whole article about that. It's
4:06
Speaker 1: because that time at night is you're probably only time
4:13
Speaker 1: to yourself, and so you're like consumed and it keeps
4:17
Speaker 1: you up and you're like looking at out of things
4:19
Speaker 1: and you're just like really diving in and you don't
4:21
Speaker 1: want to go to sleep because this is like the
4:23
Speaker 1: only time you have for you the minuscule things. I
4:27
Speaker 1: need to research all of the things. And then I
4:30
Speaker 1: even have a text exchange with Kyle and our other
4:33
Speaker 1: friend Jin and it's just a cookie with a detective
4:36
Speaker 1: on it because like that's where we send all of
4:38
Speaker 1: our promps, like every because we can't miss out on
4:42
Speaker 1: anything that's going on, Like I need to know all
4:44
Speaker 1: of the action all the time. Which leads me to
4:47
Speaker 1: the first topic that Teddy t pod listeners are wanting
4:51
Speaker 1: us to dig into, which is the Army Hammer of
4:55
Speaker 1: it all. Oh of Army, what happening with poor Army? Okay,
5:03
Speaker 1: to catch people up that don't know the backstory, I'm
5:07
Speaker 1: gonna just read you something that was just from a
5:10
Speaker 1: last Weekly article, Army hammers no Stranger controversy and backlash,
5:15
Speaker 1: having raised eyebrows for his questionable behavior in comments as
5:17
Speaker 1: far as the early days of his career. D ms
5:22
Speaker 1: which have not been verified, detailed domineering sexual fantasies ranging
5:26
Speaker 1: from rape to mutilation to cannibalism. Hammer called the screenshots
5:31
Speaker 1: bull s h I T in a statement to TMZ,
5:34
Speaker 1: in addition to slamming the vicious and spurs online attacks
5:37
Speaker 1: that caused his name to trend on Twitter for several
5:41
Speaker 1: days straight. So we're gonna be bringing on a love
5:47
Speaker 1: let me let me look at it exactly. Her name
5:50
Speaker 1: is Lela Darvilla, and she helps women and men become
5:55
Speaker 1: their most authentic sexual selves. We to ask her questions
6:01
Speaker 1: in regards. I love that some of those that can
6:03
Speaker 1: I ask her some personal question. I'm thin into that.
6:06
Speaker 1: As the scheduling sex hot exactly, I'm like, uh, is
6:13
Speaker 1: is whenever you're in nasty? Okay, we'll talk about that later.
6:19
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get. I need to write
6:22
Speaker 1: this down. Um No, I'm thinking like whenever you're like
6:25
Speaker 1: literally feel like you have like baby spit up all
6:27
Speaker 1: over you in breast smelt coming out of one nipple,
6:30
Speaker 1: and then you're like trying to be like, but I'm hot, right,
6:34
Speaker 1: you're not. But I this is the weird thing about men.
6:38
Speaker 1: I've noticed that whenever I like feel my hottest, like
6:41
Speaker 1: my husband never said anything, but whenever I feel like
6:45
Speaker 1: not cute at all, minds like he looks just hot today.
6:48
Speaker 1: But and I'm like, what for in my life? Like
6:53
Speaker 1: I get all dressed up. I literally came home from
6:56
Speaker 1: what was the last award show we did something for
7:00
Speaker 1: People's Choice Awards. I guess, um, I came home all
7:03
Speaker 1: done up in the gown and everything, and you know,
7:05
Speaker 1: I spent two and a half hours in hair and
7:07
Speaker 1: makeup and he's like, it doesn't do much for me.
7:11
Speaker 1: I'm like what, I was like, don't say that. He's like, no,
7:15
Speaker 1: I mean you look fine. But I mean, like, by
7:18
Speaker 1: the way, who wants to look fine? I know, I'm
7:21
Speaker 1: like what what? Like? Just but yeah, a little bit.
7:27
Speaker 1: I think that maybe men could also work on compliments,
7:31
Speaker 1: just a touch totally. And then if I'm wearing like
7:33
Speaker 1: literally jeans and a T shirt and tennis shoes, then
7:37
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, now let's go out. I want to
7:40
Speaker 1: show you off. And I'm like, what the no, you
7:42
Speaker 1: don't I want to go hide? I was like, crap,
7:44
Speaker 1: you know, it's no total craziness. But what I what
7:50
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit confused about before we even bring
7:52
Speaker 1: her on. And maybe you know, if you guys have
7:54
Speaker 1: covered this and and uh in Daily Pop is how
7:59
Speaker 1: are these d I'm starting like, if you have a
8:02
Speaker 1: fake d M place where you've started a fake account,
8:05
Speaker 1: how are people believing that it's you? Well, it's just
8:08
Speaker 1: a lot of people have verified that it's him in
8:11
Speaker 1: some of these d ms are actually on his army
8:13
Speaker 1: hammer handle. I mean, it's not just like a fake
8:16
Speaker 1: insta finsta here that he's using, like a lot of
8:19
Speaker 1: them are through his actual army hammer. Granted, photoshop is
8:23
Speaker 1: very easy nowadays, so let's always like say that, you know,
8:26
Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt here. Uh, it could be that
8:31
Speaker 1: you know, there's photoshop and all these things and as
8:34
Speaker 1: he says, these are total bs. So I want to
8:37
Speaker 1: keep that, you know, and the clear that it's always
8:39
Speaker 1: a possibility that the situation is that that there's a
8:42
Speaker 1: lot of women. When you have a lot of women
8:46
Speaker 1: and they all have very similar stories. Um, you know,
8:50
Speaker 1: things seem to add up, you know, and these are
8:53
Speaker 1: personal encounters. There's aren't just dums. These are relationships he's
8:56
Speaker 1: had in the past. There's ex girlfriends speaking out. His
8:59
Speaker 1: ex wife did release a statement and she was very
9:03
Speaker 1: pc statement. Um just said basically that she was shocked
9:07
Speaker 1: to find out all of these things, which is kind
9:11
Speaker 1: of saying, yeah, it's probably true right to say that
9:16
Speaker 1: she's completely shocked. I mean. He also did a what
9:21
Speaker 1: is this from from Playboy back from like seven years ago.
9:25
Speaker 1: He said, I used to like to be a dominant lover.
9:28
Speaker 1: I liked the grabbing of the neck and the hair
9:30
Speaker 1: and all of that. But then you get married and
9:32
Speaker 1: your sexual appetites change. Mm hmm. I don't think he's changed.
9:38
Speaker 1: He just found it somewhere else. But do they? But
9:42
Speaker 1: that's that's what I'm curious about. Oh good, Uh, Leela
9:46
Speaker 1: is in the waiting room, so let's take a little
9:48
Speaker 1: break and then bring and start grilling her all of
9:50
Speaker 1: our questions. That's a good question. I know we need
9:53
Speaker 1: to ask her. I'm so excited to bring on Leila.
10:05
Speaker 1: She is a sex and intimacy coach and obviously we
10:08
Speaker 1: have a lot of questions for her. How are you, ladies,
10:12
Speaker 1: We're good. We're voted with questions already because we started
10:15
Speaker 1: possessing army hammer. And he said about that his sexual
10:23
Speaker 1: appetites change once he got married to his wife, that,
10:28
Speaker 1: you know, he said, for the better. It's not like
10:32
Speaker 1: I'm suffering without it. I mean, you just can't pull
10:34
Speaker 1: your wife's hair. It gets to the point where you say,
10:37
Speaker 1: I respect you too much to do these kinds of
10:39
Speaker 1: things that I want to do. Yeah. I found that
10:42
Speaker 1: really interesting as well because he used the used the
10:44
Speaker 1: word respect, and I would think, you know, in B D, S,
10:49
Speaker 1: M and kink that the most paramount thing is actually
10:53
Speaker 1: that you respect who you're with it's not a geograph,
10:56
Speaker 1: drug and shape thing and you're not caring about them,
10:58
Speaker 1: but it is a it's an inch saying the ideal
11:01
Speaker 1: with it a lot in my coaching clients this you know,
11:03
Speaker 1: when you when you get married and you have kids,
11:05
Speaker 1: just this this shift that happens in first of all
11:08
Speaker 1: for the women and her own identity, but also how
11:10
Speaker 1: she's viewed by her partner and how she's viewed in society.
11:16
Speaker 1: And I think it really comes down to the fact that,
11:20
Speaker 1: you know, we don't usually see the maternal as being sexy.
11:24
Speaker 1: I was just reflecting on it. Actually, remember when the
11:26
Speaker 1: term milf came out. Do you remember the what was
11:29
Speaker 1: that movie? Right? And it was like this revelation is like,
11:36
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, a mom can be sexy, and can
11:37
Speaker 1: someone couldn't want to excuse me, but want to have
11:41
Speaker 1: sex with her? You know? But like what about before that?
11:44
Speaker 1: And I think it's a very societal thing, especially in
11:47
Speaker 1: the West, that women who are moms aren't viewed as
11:50
Speaker 1: sexual creatures. And I think that's what we're dealing with
11:53
Speaker 1: as women today when we're trying to fuse our maternal
11:56
Speaker 1: self with our sexual self rather than being like stops
12:00
Speaker 1: as soon as you become a parent, and also that
12:03
Speaker 1: our parents, our partners start viewing us differently. I was
12:07
Speaker 1: gonna say, do you think that that society thing translates
12:10
Speaker 1: into why husbands are lots of times cheating sometimes whenever
12:14
Speaker 1: they have young babies at home, even because they all
12:17
Speaker 1: of a sudden like you're not now I can't either way.
12:20
Speaker 1: I want to. Yeah, I think that the inability to
12:23
Speaker 1: reconcile this schism is a lot of the reasons why
12:28
Speaker 1: relationships don't last or why you break up within three
12:32
Speaker 1: years of having a child. Um, because we don't really
12:35
Speaker 1: know how to reconcile that we don't really know what
12:37
Speaker 1: we're working with, so we make it about a lack
12:39
Speaker 1: of love or something that's missing in the relationship, rather
12:42
Speaker 1: than saying, Okay, well this is something that exists and
12:45
Speaker 1: how can we work to better it? And do you
12:48
Speaker 1: think sexual fantasies change though, or do you think that
12:51
Speaker 1: you will always have those like I? I don't. I
12:55
Speaker 1: don't personally have like I'm not a very vivid like
12:58
Speaker 1: sexual fantasy type like I as. I'm like beat rend
13:03
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, But um, do you think that
13:08
Speaker 1: like they really change? Or they just changed for the
13:10
Speaker 1: person that you're with. UM. I can speak for myself personally,
13:15
Speaker 1: They've absolutely changed as I've become more self aware, as
13:19
Speaker 1: I've explored different areas and different faces of my sexuality,
13:23
Speaker 1: as I've become a mom, like, I feel like my
13:26
Speaker 1: sexual fans is similar. Desire really have shifted, um and
13:32
Speaker 1: I think we should make a distinction there between sexual
13:33
Speaker 1: fantasies and desires because they're actually different things, UM and
13:39
Speaker 1: um and I think we really get those a little
13:40
Speaker 1: bit muddled. So a sexual fantasy is something that you
13:44
Speaker 1: think about doing, but you don't necessarily want to enact
13:47
Speaker 1: that you don't necessarily want to have play out in
13:50
Speaker 1: life like like. One example is a lot of women
13:54
Speaker 1: have the fantasy of being dominated or being um I,
14:02
Speaker 1: I don't know if I should say it on the podcast,
14:03
Speaker 1: but of being raped per se like it's a fantasy.
14:06
Speaker 1: Does she actually want to be raped? No, What she
14:09
Speaker 1: wants to experience is the feeling of surrender and being
14:15
Speaker 1: taken over by someone else, and she wants to have
14:17
Speaker 1: that experience with this, But she doesn't actually want to
14:19
Speaker 1: be raped. She just wants to have that dynamic and
14:23
Speaker 1: that energy play out how calm that makes sense, how
14:26
Speaker 1: calm and for that fantasy to exist, Like, is there
14:30
Speaker 1: any sort of statistics or I mean, it's really hard
14:35
Speaker 1: to quantify how many people having these kind of fantacies
14:39
Speaker 1: and how popular they are. But you know, the most
14:42
Speaker 1: common ones are multi partner sex I guess, power control,
14:46
Speaker 1: rough sex um, and the fantasies of being forced to
14:51
Speaker 1: have sex. I would say, well, I actually read a
14:53
Speaker 1: statistic from this study done by a guy called Justin Mailer,
14:57
Speaker 1: and he says, nearly two thirds of a men and
15:00
Speaker 1: like a half of men have the fantasy of being
15:03
Speaker 1: forced to have sex. Wow. Yeah, I mean it seems
15:08
Speaker 1: like if you go back to the Army Hammers d MS,
15:10
Speaker 1: it seems like some of these started off as innocent
15:12
Speaker 1: and then they just it's like he kind of pulled
15:15
Speaker 1: out of this thing and then they took like these
15:17
Speaker 1: dark turns. Like at what point you know, whether you're
15:22
Speaker 1: in the situation physically or maybe you're just talking about
15:24
Speaker 1: it with somebody, Like when do you say, like I
15:28
Speaker 1: like when should how do can you help prepare somebody?
15:31
Speaker 1: And maybe like in this situation where like this could
15:34
Speaker 1: be going down a wrong road and like you want
15:36
Speaker 1: to stop before it gets too far. You don't know.
15:39
Speaker 1: I'm saying that I feel like some of these feel
15:41
Speaker 1: extremely manipulated. That's how they worded it, that they felt
15:44
Speaker 1: manipulated by our me. So, if you're a woman and
15:47
Speaker 1: you're in these like, you know, weird conversations, what's a
15:50
Speaker 1: way to help strengthen your I have a let you
15:54
Speaker 1: say on that. Actually, because like when I read Army
15:56
Speaker 1: Hamma's text initially, like maybe a couple of weeks ago,
15:59
Speaker 1: when first came out, I've read them as as a
16:01
Speaker 1: sex coach and thought, Okay, that's like in like pretty
16:05
Speaker 1: typical male kind of dominating characteristics, like pretty normal to me,
16:11
Speaker 1: a little bit extreme, but you know, pretty typical of
16:15
Speaker 1: dommy behavior. Um. And then as you read further and
16:20
Speaker 1: you realize that, you know, there's there's some consent violations,
16:26
Speaker 1: like the woman says I wanted him to stop most
16:28
Speaker 1: of the time, or she refers to having something around
16:32
Speaker 1: her neck during sex has been too much, and he
16:34
Speaker 1: carries on. So the thing with b DSM is that
16:38
Speaker 1: there are what you're doing is you're creating healthy and
16:41
Speaker 1: ethical ways to consentually experience sex and pain. And most
16:48
Speaker 1: of these most of it requires self knowledge and communication
16:52
Speaker 1: skills and you know, emotional maturity in order to make
16:56
Speaker 1: safe sex like sex safe and mutually gratifying. So the
17:01
Speaker 1: problem with what I see with this case is that,
17:05
Speaker 1: you know, it's not so much about the kinks and
17:07
Speaker 1: about the alleged b D s M. It's more that
17:10
Speaker 1: there are consent violations because b D s M is
17:14
Speaker 1: predicated on the fact that you're creating a safe container
17:17
Speaker 1: and creating an environment where you have two mutually consenting adults. Um.
17:23
Speaker 1: And that's not the case with with the text thread.
17:27
Speaker 1: You can see that there's you know that there's consent
17:30
Speaker 1: violations and that's the core of the issue here. It's
17:33
Speaker 1: not so much about the kinks, because oh my gosh,
17:35
Speaker 1: there are so many kinks out there and so many
17:38
Speaker 1: different ways of expressing in this human body sexually that
17:44
Speaker 1: um yeah, that's not the issue. The issue is that
17:46
Speaker 1: these women weren't consenting. And I you know, I looked
17:50
Speaker 1: at Paige for instance, who's one of the women who
17:52
Speaker 1: have come forward, and there's been multiple women right who
17:55
Speaker 1: have come forward and have said I felt violated, I
17:57
Speaker 1: feel traumatized, and you know that that setting wasn't there
18:01
Speaker 1: so it's not b D s M. If it's not there,
18:03
Speaker 1: then it becomes abuse, then it becomes traumatic, then it
18:06
Speaker 1: becomes violation. And so that is that's the problem with
18:10
Speaker 1: alcohol played a big part of it with you know,
18:14
Speaker 1: if there's the drug testing we're avoiding and I was
18:17
Speaker 1: able to take this without and then the snorting video,
18:20
Speaker 1: all of those things kind of play into it. But
18:23
Speaker 1: I absolutely that maybe it's the ignorant question, but it's
18:28
Speaker 1: cannibalism considered a fetish or a kink. Yeah, yeah, it's
18:33
Speaker 1: there's a definitely a cannibalism fetish. What is interesting about
18:38
Speaker 1: that as a fetish is that it actually has nothing
18:40
Speaker 1: to do with eating another person. Right to eat another
18:43
Speaker 1: person you like, you know that you're you're going into
18:46
Speaker 1: the death realm right, so anible electric. So with cannibalism fetishes,
18:52
Speaker 1: it's predicated on a certain amount of fantasy, and there
18:55
Speaker 1: are like elements to toy around with, say, um, you know,
19:00
Speaker 1: you might um talk about cutting someone open or even
19:05
Speaker 1: pretend to cut someone open, or you might talk about
19:08
Speaker 1: turning someone into a piece of meat and cutting into them.
19:11
Speaker 1: But it's it's you're in acting, it's it's it's you
19:14
Speaker 1: know that you're playing it out. It's not realistic actually, um,
19:18
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, cannibalism fetishes are not about actually eating
19:23
Speaker 1: an others. The way you play is h The bigger
19:27
Speaker 1: issue isn't what these fantasies or this key portion, it's
19:31
Speaker 1: that he wasn't getting consent whild acting out these fantasies.
19:34
Speaker 1: That that really he didn't actually want to cut off
19:38
Speaker 1: somebody's tail and keep it in his pocket, not necessarily,
19:43
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know because we're reading a text
19:45
Speaker 1: thread rights and that's the difficult thing with text freads.
19:48
Speaker 1: You're getting a little portion. You don't know what the
19:50
Speaker 1: setup was beforehand. But this is a danger with text
19:53
Speaker 1: messages as well, like when do you know? And BDSM
19:56
Speaker 1: is all about creating that safe container and knowing where
19:59
Speaker 1: the limit, say, where the boundaries are. And if they're
20:03
Speaker 1: in a central scene where it's being played out through text,
20:08
Speaker 1: and they both know that they're in it, then it
20:11
Speaker 1: can be really fun and playful. Now if the other
20:14
Speaker 1: person thinks, oh my god, this is getting really serious,
20:16
Speaker 1: he actually wants to do this to me, And if
20:18
Speaker 1: you express that and he continues, that is a consent
20:22
Speaker 1: violation and that's across all your boundaries, and that's where
20:24
Speaker 1: it becomes harmful. Would would you advise somebody who's going
20:29
Speaker 1: to go out with a guy and just thinking about
20:31
Speaker 1: maybe having like I want to stand with somebody to
20:35
Speaker 1: try beds um or? Is that too risky? So like, yeah, no,
20:44
Speaker 1: absolutely not. How many times should you sleep with somebody
20:48
Speaker 1: before you go into media? I'm just asking, Yeah, I
20:52
Speaker 1: mean d s M in its purest form, it takes
20:55
Speaker 1: a lot. Like the people in the beds and community
20:58
Speaker 1: are the best communicator as I know. Are they mostly
21:01
Speaker 1: married couples, not necessarily, but there's a there's a community.
21:05
Speaker 1: There's a whole community of them clubs. Yes, absolutely, there's
21:10
Speaker 1: so much to offer, Like, there is so much out there.
21:13
Speaker 1: We see a small slither of it, and I think
21:15
Speaker 1: that's why we're really surprised when we hear cannibalism fetish
21:19
Speaker 1: but um, but it's a huge community, and it's the
21:23
Speaker 1: basis of it is consent and creating these safe spaces.
21:26
Speaker 1: And so that takes the skill, a learned skill. You're
21:29
Speaker 1: better off learning from somebody who already knows it, um
21:33
Speaker 1: and learning off them and learning the methods of communication.
21:36
Speaker 1: And you know, like that self knowledge part is really important. UM, Like,
21:42
Speaker 1: you can't if you don't know where your limits and
21:44
Speaker 1: boundaries are as as it in vidual being. How are
21:49
Speaker 1: you going to express that to somebody else and how
21:51
Speaker 1: are they then going to um to acknowledge them and
21:56
Speaker 1: and respect them. Like when I think about okay in
22:01
Speaker 1: the mainstream right, like I guess fifty Shades of Gray
22:06
Speaker 1: really pregnant with like my first I think and I
22:09
Speaker 1: was imposed, what is happening to me? Your lovedy come out?
22:18
Speaker 1: Like I was, like, is it normal that you're like
22:21
Speaker 1: things change when you're pregnant all of a sudden you're
22:24
Speaker 1: more like have more sexual feelings or I had. It's
22:27
Speaker 1: a huge when I when I'm pregnant, I become it
22:32
Speaker 1: massively sexual, not sensual sexual, Like I want it big
22:37
Speaker 1: and intense and you know I want I want the
22:41
Speaker 1: I want to be engulfed. You want to feel small?
22:44
Speaker 1: Oh yes, you want to feel small again? Absolutely, But
22:52
Speaker 1: like I'm bringing up Fifty Shades of Gray because it
22:55
Speaker 1: was so absolutely massive in shaping our sexual norms and
23:00
Speaker 1: mingling sex and violence for the mainstream, and so FIFTS
23:06
Speaker 1: is actually a really poor example of setting up a
23:10
Speaker 1: scene and creating sef safe boundaries. Um, Like what I
23:14
Speaker 1: said about creating those healthy ethical consensual ways too, and
23:21
Speaker 1: using self knowledge and communication skills like that goes out
23:24
Speaker 1: the window with Anna and Christian, Like she Anna says
23:28
Speaker 1: yes to to sex when she's uncomfortable because she's too
23:32
Speaker 1: shy to speak her mind, or because she is afraid
23:35
Speaker 1: of losing Christian, or that she gives consent to for
23:39
Speaker 1: him to inflict the pain, yet that when he does it,
23:42
Speaker 1: like she feels harmed by it. So you know, that
23:46
Speaker 1: is not that is not clean pure b D s M.
23:51
Speaker 1: That is dangerous b D s M. And that's what
23:53
Speaker 1: we all associate with the s S. And they have
23:55
Speaker 1: that meeting, they write down what she's willing to do,
23:57
Speaker 1: what she's willing not willing to do. It goes out
23:59
Speaker 1: the window. They do whatever and and yeah, and she
24:04
Speaker 1: feels violated in a big part of that, I think
24:06
Speaker 1: we've we've kind of got the wrong idea about how
24:09
Speaker 1: to set up these safe scenes so that both people
24:14
Speaker 1: mutually pleasured and feel safe. So somebody is actually curious
24:19
Speaker 1: about this and they're wanting to you know, bright on
24:24
Speaker 1: in their sexual fantasy or whatever it may be what
24:27
Speaker 1: are safe ways to learn about it and so that
24:30
Speaker 1: you don't fall into the trap of, you know, what
24:32
Speaker 1: you saw in fifty Shades of Gray. I would say
24:37
Speaker 1: getting involved in the community online. You know, that's a
24:40
Speaker 1: really great way. Like if you find yourself even having
24:43
Speaker 1: these fantasies and having shame around them and feeling like
24:48
Speaker 1: they're not normal. Um, I'll tell you now, there's a
24:51
Speaker 1: huge community of people online that it is very normal
24:54
Speaker 1: for them, and they've found really healthy ways of experiencing
24:59
Speaker 1: um and expressing them. So going online, there's so many
25:04
Speaker 1: resources um um ah. Yeah, there's tons of resources online.
25:10
Speaker 1: And then you know, I don't know if it's available
25:12
Speaker 1: right now because of COVID, but there are clubs where
25:15
Speaker 1: you can go and they're like kind of enginey kind
25:19
Speaker 1: of spaces, but you can experience like watching somebody being
25:24
Speaker 1: tied up in the shabari method, you know, and you
25:27
Speaker 1: can see what the process is beforehand that they go
25:32
Speaker 1: through and what signals and communication techniques they have like
25:37
Speaker 1: to set up that scene and to make it safe.
25:40
Speaker 1: So um yeah, there's plenty in l A actually, and
25:44
Speaker 1: same with flogging or anything like that that you you
25:47
Speaker 1: kind of want to experience or you want more knowledge
25:50
Speaker 1: on There's a plethora of resources out there online. I
25:56
Speaker 1: love it. Do you do you think that if there
26:00
Speaker 1: is more of a discussion about this than people would,
26:05
Speaker 1: this wouldn't be such a shock to all of us
26:07
Speaker 1: right now, Like like right now, I think he's losing jobs.
26:12
Speaker 1: He is how I don't even know how to express
26:16
Speaker 1: this in the in the correct way, but like, well
26:19
Speaker 1: he thought losing his career. But I mean, I mean
26:22
Speaker 1: to chime in on that answer, just I think also
26:25
Speaker 1: it's it's because of the consent thing, right. It goes
26:28
Speaker 1: back to the fact that these women are coming out
26:29
Speaker 1: and saying that they were uncomfortable, they felt manipulated, they
26:34
Speaker 1: fell violent, and I feel traumatized from traumatized. And if
26:38
Speaker 1: it was if it was a consensual loving thing that
26:41
Speaker 1: he was having with these several women, then they wouldn't
26:45
Speaker 1: be coming out saying those things exactly. I totally believe
26:49
Speaker 1: that as well. And you know, you combine it to
26:52
Speaker 1: Teddy with those other things you said, to the videos
26:55
Speaker 1: of him drinking and driving, of him doing other things,
26:59
Speaker 1: and to other p gool like getting away from army.
27:03
Speaker 1: Why do men or but why don't men are women
27:08
Speaker 1: feel the need to send what they're doing to other people?
27:13
Speaker 1: M M. Maybe there's willing validation, you know, Um, yeah,
27:21
Speaker 1: validation and acknowledgement is like without somebody else's consent, Like,
27:27
Speaker 1: why is that ever a good idea? I would say
27:30
Speaker 1: it was never a good idea. I mean, to take
27:33
Speaker 1: a video of yourself drinking and driving. I mean, I
27:35
Speaker 1: don't know what is he doing bragging about? And it's
27:39
Speaker 1: I don't know. Do we live in that world now, Riley?
27:42
Speaker 1: Look at TikTok and Instagram. It's just all out there.
27:46
Speaker 1: Everyone's putting it all out there and transienc picture right.
27:50
Speaker 1: I think some people at this point, You're right, they're
27:53
Speaker 1: so familiar with filming themselves NonStop throughout the day. It's
27:57
Speaker 1: just second nature. I mean I think maybe. And just
28:02
Speaker 1: on that note of alcoholism and drinking and drugs and stuff,
28:07
Speaker 1: you know, you do lose, um a little bit of
28:10
Speaker 1: discernment when you're under the influence, which is why in
28:12
Speaker 1: BDSM you never participate when you've been drinking or or
28:18
Speaker 1: been taking drugs, because very hard to acknowledge your own
28:22
Speaker 1: boundaries and that of somebody else's when you're under the
28:24
Speaker 1: influence and so I think people are like posting when
28:27
Speaker 1: they are under the influence, and so they've lost that
28:29
Speaker 1: that sense of discernment of what is yeah, what is
28:34
Speaker 1: right and healthy? And then Chris like you were going
28:36
Speaker 1: to ask a question before first break and don't think
28:39
Speaker 1: I forgot it. I think I forgot it. What was
28:42
Speaker 1: my question? Oh, how do you feel sexy whenever you're
28:45
Speaker 1: covered in breast milk? And and asked when we do that?
28:51
Speaker 1: I was like, hold on, where are we going? Oh? Well, yeah,
28:56
Speaker 1: I mean there are seasons for everything, right, I wouldn't
28:58
Speaker 1: say that I felt felt like my sexiest self when
29:01
Speaker 1: I had you know, all the bodily fluids and all
29:04
Speaker 1: of all of that. But um, you know, I think
29:07
Speaker 1: and acknowledging that we don't always feel like the full
29:10
Speaker 1: moon in terms of our sexuality and know that there's
29:13
Speaker 1: waxing and waning with it. When you're breastfeeding. There's just
29:16
Speaker 1: there's a biochemical thing that's going on in the body
29:18
Speaker 1: as well where you're all your sex hormones are suppressed
29:22
Speaker 1: because you're producing prolactin for the milk and to produce
29:25
Speaker 1: milk for the baby. So to acknowledge that, to know
29:30
Speaker 1: that you know you're not necessarily going to want that
29:32
Speaker 1: hot style of sex. That may be the connectction that
29:36
Speaker 1: you're after and the intimacy that you're looking for is
29:39
Speaker 1: more more of the warm variety, a little bit more sensual,
29:42
Speaker 1: and a little bit more just being held and an adored,
29:47
Speaker 1: rather than that hot, passionate sex that we we all
29:49
Speaker 1: think is the thing to be buying for all the time.
29:53
Speaker 1: I do have another question, and I have to ask
29:54
Speaker 1: this because I have this conversation with a lot of
29:56
Speaker 1: my friends, and you know, I've been with my husband
29:59
Speaker 1: for like thirteen years. We have been married that long,
30:02
Speaker 1: but we've been together for a very long time. So
30:04
Speaker 1: we've obviously had like seasons where it's hard and heavy,
30:08
Speaker 1: seasons where it's not as hard and heavy, and it
30:10
Speaker 1: kind of like ebbs and flows and what. One of
30:13
Speaker 1: the things whenever we ever go through like a little
30:16
Speaker 1: period where like we haven't been having sex as much
30:18
Speaker 1: as we usually do, it's like getting back on track,
30:22
Speaker 1: Like what's the like is there like a like a
30:25
Speaker 1: schedules like you should follow to like get you back
30:29
Speaker 1: onto the like your regular scheduled programming, Do you know what?
30:32
Speaker 1: I think it's much the best tip to get back
30:34
Speaker 1: on regular schedule programming whenever you've taken a little break. Yeah,
30:39
Speaker 1: I think to acknowledge for yourself, like why sex is
30:42
Speaker 1: important in your life, Why why your relationships, why your
30:46
Speaker 1: relationship is important, um, And to even have that conversation
30:50
Speaker 1: with your partner, and then to prioritize it. I mean,
30:53
Speaker 1: we are so busy. There are so many things that
30:55
Speaker 1: we we could possibly do in a day that if
30:58
Speaker 1: we just left left it up a chance, I think
31:01
Speaker 1: it really gets pushed to the bottom of the list
31:03
Speaker 1: a lot of the time. So it's not about scheduling sex.
31:07
Speaker 1: It's about carving out time to connect with your partner,
31:10
Speaker 1: and then through that connection that you harve out you know,
31:16
Speaker 1: seeing what a writers, seeing what wants to be played out,
31:19
Speaker 1: seeing what the dynamic allows for um. And it may
31:23
Speaker 1: it may turn sexy, you never know. But I'm not
31:25
Speaker 1: a huge advocate of like scheduling sex and making sure
31:29
Speaker 1: that you have penetrating sex and you both get off.
31:31
Speaker 1: I'm more about scheduling time just for intimacy and just
31:36
Speaker 1: and for that connection time and mean through that that
31:40
Speaker 1: connection than a lot of the time I find that
31:43
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you get all those more fuzzy
31:45
Speaker 1: feelings and you get to share, you know, what's going
31:47
Speaker 1: on in your inner world, and you feel that connection
31:50
Speaker 1: and warms your heart and then it flows over into
31:52
Speaker 1: other areas of your body and you're open and you
31:54
Speaker 1: know want to you know, want to connect in that way.
31:57
Speaker 1: But you know, we get pretty smamp by the practical
31:59
Speaker 1: and I like ending on that positive note. Where do people?
32:04
Speaker 1: I know that you have a great podcast, can you
32:07
Speaker 1: plug give us all the info so that people can
32:10
Speaker 1: So there's the Intimate Knowledge podcast I heard radio podcasts
32:14
Speaker 1: that's available on iTunes. Um, but you can find me
32:18
Speaker 1: and all of my work loving Leila Um, and I
32:21
Speaker 1: have a great course actually it's called Living Turned On.
32:24
Speaker 1: It's a really great way for moms and people are
32:26
Speaker 1: super super busy to kind of get into their bodies
32:29
Speaker 1: and to tune into themselves. Um. It's really short. It's
32:33
Speaker 1: a short kind of by sized course. UM. Yeah. And
32:36
Speaker 1: I have had lots of stuff coming out as well
32:38
Speaker 1: on my website. So thank you for joining us. Yeah
32:43
Speaker 1: not a preblem lady, Thanks for having me. Bye, thanks
32:47
Speaker 1: by bye. She was so great. No, I didn't I
32:52
Speaker 1: did not even realize that cannibalism is considered a kink.
32:57
Speaker 1: I didn't know. I didn't either. I didn't know there
32:59
Speaker 1: was a really like a real fantasy. I thought that
33:01
Speaker 1: was a death. It was like you get arrested, right.
33:05
Speaker 1: I thought that was like I want to eat to you,
33:07
Speaker 1: like I want to kill you like a We don't
33:09
Speaker 1: know my way. I don't think that we're living on
33:10
Speaker 1: the edge. As much as I don't think we are.
33:13
Speaker 1: I think we need to open our eyes and uh,
33:16
Speaker 1: we realized there's a bigger world out there. There's a
33:19
Speaker 1: bigger world out there. I mean, I can't. I mean
33:21
Speaker 1: not to get too personal, but like even if like
33:25
Speaker 1: Edwin's like to chatty during during the business, Yeah enough, buddy,
33:30
Speaker 1: I'm good. Just wait next time, you're always gonna be
33:33
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna take a buttter to your arm, Daddy,
33:37
Speaker 1: You're gonna like it. Your arm looks delicious, like oh,
33:43
Speaker 1: some some pepper on that William definitely Ranch dressing downstairs. No, no, no,
33:50
Speaker 1: well next we were. If we're not into it now,
33:54
Speaker 1: we probably won't ever get into it. I know, I've honestly,
33:57
Speaker 1: I'm now in a full sweat even like yeah, yeah,
34:05
Speaker 1: I mean some of that stuff sounds exciting that she
34:07
Speaker 1: was talking about, but not so much of the candibalism. Cannibalism. No,
34:10
Speaker 1: I think I'm good without it. I think I'm good. Um,
34:13
Speaker 1: But to each his own, to each his own. Just consent,
34:17
Speaker 1: y'all consent. But now we have to take a little
34:22
Speaker 1: break and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna
34:24
Speaker 1: talk about some trends I didn't even know until the
34:27
Speaker 1: other day. Skinny jeans are out. What, well, I'm not.
34:31
Speaker 1: I'm not following that. No, fine, all right, we'll be
34:33
Speaker 1: right back. Okay, guys, Now we are bringing on Nicky
34:47
Speaker 1: and Stacy, who are gonna talking all things mom jeans.
34:52
Speaker 1: Skinny jeans are out, I refused to do. We have
34:57
Speaker 1: to talk about everything in regards to all the things,
35:00
Speaker 1: and you're hilarious TikTok video and some of the comments,
35:07
Speaker 1: those comments were some for the books for sure. All right, guys,
35:12
Speaker 1: tell us about the video. I need I need to
35:15
Speaker 1: know what inspired it. I need to know why I
35:17
Speaker 1: need to buy these genes that will well, I actually
35:20
Speaker 1: don't think you should because I'm going to remain true
35:22
Speaker 1: to my skinny jeans for sure. But Stacy, here's a brainchild,
35:26
Speaker 1: And there was something going on with TikTok with side
35:29
Speaker 1: parts and skinny jeans. And one day I was at
35:31
Speaker 1: Alta in my typical uniform, which is skinny jeans and
35:35
Speaker 1: my side part, and lo and behold, she put up
35:37
Speaker 1: a post on me saying clearly someone didn't get the menu.
35:41
Speaker 1: I'm sorry the memo and then all of a sudden boom.
35:45
Speaker 1: I think for some of us, the middle part doesn't
35:48
Speaker 1: work that well. I mean, you set it in your video,
35:51
Speaker 1: but like I have a widows peak, and so if
35:54
Speaker 1: I have a middle part, it's and one. Banks are
35:57
Speaker 1: always a mistake. Curtain banks you're after getting it like
36:03
Speaker 1: or sure, so like I've never once gotten banks and gone,
36:07
Speaker 1: you know what I need to get these again? Yeah,
36:09
Speaker 1: I with you. I even go so far to stay
36:11
Speaker 1: to my hair dresser when I bring it up to
36:13
Speaker 1: in a year say it's a hard note. Yeah, exactly.
36:17
Speaker 1: Inevitably I bring it up. Listen. I think that we
36:20
Speaker 1: should always just like take into consideration our own face shapes,
36:24
Speaker 1: our own like what body shape, and you always dress
36:28
Speaker 1: for your body, and like you kind of got to
36:30
Speaker 1: ignore trends, trends or fund for if you want to
36:32
Speaker 1: try something new, then I think don't spend a lot
36:34
Speaker 1: of money on a trend, but I think in general
36:37
Speaker 1: women should just always dress for their body shape, and
36:39
Speaker 1: a high waisted jeane is the only thing I'm wearing
36:42
Speaker 1: since having babies that i'd probably till the end of time.
36:45
Speaker 1: High gene is is my life. I mean, granted, I
36:50
Speaker 1: haven't worn anything with buttons and months, but I don't
36:55
Speaker 1: wear jeans without stretch. And I think a lot of
36:57
Speaker 1: the problem with the mom jeans is a lot of
36:59
Speaker 1: them are more legit um and I prefer to it's
37:02
Speaker 1: just more comfortable. It's actually the older you get just
37:04
Speaker 1: to have a little movement in the gene. Right. Yeah,
37:08
Speaker 1: I think we're all pretty aware of what we look
37:11
Speaker 1: and feel best in. We kind of have to go
37:13
Speaker 1: with that. But I can't believe some of the other
37:15
Speaker 1: things that are supposedly out as well. All black everything
37:19
Speaker 1: is out. Well, then I'm a percent out who said that? Yeah, well,
37:25
Speaker 1: I don't know. I see a whole thing fashion trends.
37:28
Speaker 1: Everyone ditch. I'm like everyone but Teddy and the others
37:32
Speaker 1: on Teddy t Pond. Oh my god, good to know
37:37
Speaker 1: unky sneakers out, which I'm fine with. I love a
37:41
Speaker 1: funky sneaker. I was so late to the game on though,
37:43
Speaker 1: that I just bought him. I'm not throwing him away yet.
37:45
Speaker 1: I just got it, a little tag thing on that
37:49
Speaker 1: like all the cool kids do, all the off white ones,
37:54
Speaker 1: and I got a little star glitter on them. I mean,
37:57
Speaker 1: I like them. It just makes me feel again, Well,
38:00
Speaker 1: who's wearing heels right now? With a pandemic? Right and
38:05
Speaker 1: fit the bill? Thank you what she said? The Neon
38:10
Speaker 1: Active where friend ran its sports, I still have it
38:13
Speaker 1: all Alo's still producing it. I'm purchasing it like I'm
38:17
Speaker 1: not done with it. And what do you guys think
38:18
Speaker 1: on that? Well, I love anything pink, So for me,
38:23
Speaker 1: I found these really cool vintage hot pink track pants
38:27
Speaker 1: when I was walking down Ventura Boulevard one day and
38:29
Speaker 1: they were bright and I got them and they're probably supergated,
38:32
Speaker 1: but I love them. I I gotta really look good
38:37
Speaker 1: in it. I mean, it's got to be something that
38:39
Speaker 1: makes me look real good because I know that once
38:41
Speaker 1: I put it on, all these eyes are gonna be
38:43
Speaker 1: on me. So if I don't look like an eleven,
38:47
Speaker 1: I don't want to. You're a thing that is a
38:50
Speaker 1: concern to me. Is you guys did this cute video?
38:53
Speaker 1: Was funny? You're talking about mom jeans, You're talking about
38:55
Speaker 1: curtain bangs, blah blah blah. But the comments that I've
39:00
Speaker 1: read are like people got angry. People are like, don't
39:07
Speaker 1: uh you look so much younger with that part middle
39:10
Speaker 1: part and baggy jeans look good on pol That was
39:13
Speaker 1: a compliment, but like just where what you like hair
39:16
Speaker 1: and clothes? Exlamation point like why do you have so
39:20
Speaker 1: much great fine? If you have fun? Do a zig
39:23
Speaker 1: zog a zig zag part. It's like, I mean, yeah,
39:28
Speaker 1: have so many opinions in regards to how we dress,
39:31
Speaker 1: how we look, what makes us feel the best? Why
39:34
Speaker 1: is that? Why do we listen? I think it's struck
39:37
Speaker 1: a nerve with a lot of people. Listen. We know
39:40
Speaker 1: that we live in a pretty ageist society and world
39:44
Speaker 1: where youth is revered, and so I think when people
39:50
Speaker 1: are sort of poking them at like whoa you're what
39:54
Speaker 1: you're doing is making you seem older? I think it
39:56
Speaker 1: just it uh offend it a lot of people and
40:01
Speaker 1: it struck a nerve with them. And actually another thought is,
40:05
Speaker 1: if you think about it, I think a lot of
40:06
Speaker 1: times we actually dressed for women right for other women
40:09
Speaker 1: to compliment us, to say something nice. So I think
40:12
Speaker 1: if you looked at the majority of the compliments and
40:15
Speaker 1: the comments and the negative statements, it was largely female.
40:18
Speaker 1: Was almost yeah. So I think that's interesting because you know,
40:21
Speaker 1: a lot of times, what we think looks good and
40:23
Speaker 1: super stylish, there's no way guys gonna think it looks hot, right,
40:27
Speaker 1: it's gonna be our friends like, oh, the sunglasses which
40:30
Speaker 1: are so big, looks so cheat. Whereas my says used
40:33
Speaker 1: to say to me, you should only wear in aviators.
40:35
Speaker 1: I'm gonna throw your glasses away. It's a woman who
40:38
Speaker 1: wear oh teddy. And I have already vented about this earlier.
40:42
Speaker 1: People like, what is happening that anytime we think we
40:45
Speaker 1: look our best, our husbands are like mad, yeah, when
40:49
Speaker 1: we're when we're at our worst, they're compliments central. But
40:53
Speaker 1: I don't even think it's really about like chasing youth
40:56
Speaker 1: they're wanting to be a millennial or any of those
40:58
Speaker 1: types of things. I think women want to dress and
41:01
Speaker 1: what they what they their best foot forward and whatever
41:06
Speaker 1: is gonna make them feel most confident. And I don't
41:09
Speaker 1: know that it's necessarily an age thing, Like I'm definitely
41:12
Speaker 1: not gonna like wear those thick socks and over my
41:14
Speaker 1: sweatpants and like try to do all that because it's
41:17
Speaker 1: not who I am in general. But it's not because
41:20
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm too old to do it. Oh,
41:22
Speaker 1: I have things I feel like I'm too old to do. Well,
41:25
Speaker 1: what about gene shorts. I still works out. I love
41:29
Speaker 1: my Gene shorts, and I am pushing fifty, So I
41:33
Speaker 1: think there is some real concern when I show but
41:36
Speaker 1: my kids football game and I'm in my gene shorts.
41:41
Speaker 1: So do we think that that's something that should be
41:44
Speaker 1: kind of put away as we tip the scale on
41:47
Speaker 1: age we're older than do you guys want to know
41:50
Speaker 1: an embarrassing story regarding gene shorts. So when I first yes,
41:54
Speaker 1: audition not audition my taste for housewives, I wore these
42:00
Speaker 1: old booty Geane shorts because I was like I want
42:03
Speaker 1: to get you know, I was like trying to cause
42:04
Speaker 1: a stir, and I was like, I'm gonna wear these
42:06
Speaker 1: ridiculous platforms and Jane shorts while I'm taking care of
42:10
Speaker 1: my kids to like make a splash, like this is
42:13
Speaker 1: just for the you know, the original tat right. They
42:16
Speaker 1: used it in my first episode. Really so you made
42:22
Speaker 1: your statement. Then it worked. Oh like it worked. The
42:27
Speaker 1: bottom of my butt crack was almost hanging out, that's
42:30
Speaker 1: how short. Like. I was like, this is a situation
42:33
Speaker 1: like why did and that from that day and I
42:35
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I'm no longer going to like I'm out.
42:39
Speaker 1: I'm out. You warn them sins they don't fit anymore. Okay,
42:45
Speaker 1: But like Jene, shorts like to run out on us,
42:48
Speaker 1: I guess, but on vacation, like it's going to be
42:52
Speaker 1: each or to the pool. I'm not anti gene shorts.
42:54
Speaker 1: It just depends on the style. Uh yeah, I don't
42:58
Speaker 1: necessarily love like the booty booty short ones like Teddy
43:03
Speaker 1: was describing she wore with her platforms. We need to
43:06
Speaker 1: see that. We gotta go back and look at that now.
43:08
Speaker 1: But I'm not I'm not anti them, especially in l
43:11
Speaker 1: A because it's just such a beautiful weather year round
43:13
Speaker 1: that I feel like you gotta have variety in your closets.
43:16
Speaker 1: So you've got to have some shorts, you know, because
43:18
Speaker 1: it gets hot. It also depends how you're wearing on top. Two, Yes,
43:22
Speaker 1: you gotta keep it chic. If you were like a
43:25
Speaker 1: button up, a nice like loose button up. I think
43:28
Speaker 1: that's hot. I don't think it's so much about age
43:31
Speaker 1: as much of like we all know our bodies and
43:35
Speaker 1: what looks best on our own bodies so we feel
43:38
Speaker 1: more comfortable. And so for example, you know back in
43:41
Speaker 1: the day, I used to wear really low waisted jeans.
43:44
Speaker 1: You probably even know Frankie Beet. They were these amazing
43:46
Speaker 1: lo lo lo jeans. Well, there's no version where I
43:54
Speaker 1: I wasted all the way hold it in like it's so.
43:57
Speaker 1: I think it also has specifually agree And where do
44:02
Speaker 1: people watch this video of you so that we can
44:05
Speaker 1: all go down the same exact rabbit hole that I
44:07
Speaker 1: did where I had to google the best mom Jean wretch.
44:13
Speaker 1: Can I start parting my hair back into the center,
44:16
Speaker 1: like what's your TikTok names? It's called um like love lose.
44:23
Speaker 1: So it started like what we like, what we love,
44:25
Speaker 1: and what we're gonna lose. And the lose is always
44:27
Speaker 1: like dry January, Dry January, all your Apple subscriptions that
44:31
Speaker 1: you're over paying for. It's Oh, it was really more
44:36
Speaker 1: entertainment for us as we're sitting here during this pandemic yeah,
44:39
Speaker 1: I love it. Guys for um joining us. And next
44:46
Speaker 1: when everything opens back up, we gotta get the Ladies Center.
44:48
Speaker 1: We'll I'll have some drinks. Sounds good. Thanks for having us. Alrighty,
44:55
Speaker 1: thank you guys. Hi Hi, all right Charres. Uh So
45:01
Speaker 1: now that it's just us, what are we going to
45:04
Speaker 1: close out talking about? Well, I think we should start
45:09
Speaker 1: with Wendy, did you watch I watched the movie. I
45:12
Speaker 1: didn't watched the Lifetime movie, not the documentary. Yes, I
45:15
Speaker 1: haven't got a chance to see the documentary yet, but
45:17
Speaker 1: the Lifetime movie was good. I didn't watch the Lifetime movie.
45:22
Speaker 1: I watched the documentary. Right, this is perfect, This is perfect.
45:27
Speaker 1: But like, okay, so these are the things that we know. Alright,
45:31
Speaker 1: one like power to her for for doing this, but
45:34
Speaker 1: like there was something like she was on a Chase
45:37
Speaker 1: lounge for the entire time during the documentary with like
45:40
Speaker 1: leg compression, like things on, like maybe drinking a glass
45:43
Speaker 1: of shapp like it was okay, was like not what
45:47
Speaker 1: I was ready for in regards to like where you're
45:51
Speaker 1: gonna like share all of your deepest darkness. She is
45:55
Speaker 1: definitely not afraid to share. Did she just go there?
45:59
Speaker 1: Did she and she shared everything. I mean, there was
46:03
Speaker 1: some parts that were a little bit fuzzy to me,
46:06
Speaker 1: Like she went into like a treatment center, Like remember
46:09
Speaker 1: when she fathed on her show, Um, but then she said,
46:13
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not in It was kind of bs
46:16
Speaker 1: being there because I'm not an addict and so stuff
46:18
Speaker 1: like that. So she shared that. So but like I
46:20
Speaker 1: kind of wanted more info on the show. I'm leaving
46:22
Speaker 1: that type of stuff. But she did share a lot
46:25
Speaker 1: about her her childhood and like she's had like weight
46:29
Speaker 1: issues her whole life. Her parents don't sound so nice.
46:32
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I mean her her parents like creating
46:36
Speaker 1: like an eating disorder at a young age and all
46:38
Speaker 1: the types of things. So that was definitely hard to watch.
46:42
Speaker 1: But then there were parts that I watched that like
46:46
Speaker 1: showed her when she was working at the radio stations
46:48
Speaker 1: and she was saying things like, you know, I had
46:52
Speaker 1: to do coke five nights a week because I worked
46:54
Speaker 1: the night you know, like all. But she's just so
46:56
Speaker 1: matter of fact about it, and you're just like wow, Um,
47:00
Speaker 1: But she did this interview with Whitney Houston where you're like,
47:03
Speaker 1: only Wendy could have gotten this in her interview. Oh,
47:08
Speaker 1: I remember that. Um, she is definitely the one thing
47:12
Speaker 1: that take away is just like she's a hustler. She
47:15
Speaker 1: believes in herself and she really even though she was
47:17
Speaker 1: married to Kevin, it sounds like she just did everything
47:21
Speaker 1: by herself for herself, like with no help of anybody.
47:24
Speaker 1: And yeah, she took a weird path to get there,
47:27
Speaker 1: but man, her hustle is so admirable. Like I just
47:32
Speaker 1: walk away and I think, like, I don't know, it's different.
47:35
Speaker 1: She's definitely made her her money in her name off
47:38
Speaker 1: of like a scandalous way of being the girl that
47:41
Speaker 1: like she's revolutionary whenever she started like telling everybody's gossip
47:45
Speaker 1: and now it's like everybody does that. You know, everybody
47:47
Speaker 1: talks about everybody's gossip. We talk about everyone's gossip. Yeah, exactly.
47:53
Speaker 1: And so I mean she definitely started this whole thing
47:56
Speaker 1: that she deserves a lot of credit for. Um. But then,
48:00
Speaker 1: as with all these people that become super famous, do
48:04
Speaker 1: you just leave feeling like, at least with the film,
48:06
Speaker 1: I did, it just felt sad. I felt sad at
48:10
Speaker 1: the end, and I think that that is the hard thing.
48:13
Speaker 1: And I watched this other movie last time, the other
48:16
Speaker 1: documentary called fake famous about influencers, and it's not the same.
48:22
Speaker 1: But there's something that's tied to fame, that is tied
48:26
Speaker 1: to being in the public eye. But no matter how
48:28
Speaker 1: authentic and how straightforward, and no matter how you can be,
48:32
Speaker 1: it can really suck you up and chew you up
48:35
Speaker 1: and honestly break your heart. Well tell me, because you
48:40
Speaker 1: grew up not with a famous father, but you didn't
48:42
Speaker 1: necessarily spend all your time in l a and in
48:45
Speaker 1: the front forefront. Do you still were able to have
48:47
Speaker 1: a very normal childhood? But then you know, your life
48:50
Speaker 1: dramatically probably changed obviously after Real Housewives? And ye, did
48:56
Speaker 1: it feel like it changed? I think it didn't. Do
49:01
Speaker 1: you feel lonelier or do you feel more fair? It
49:04
Speaker 1: really comes in waves. Um. I think that because there
49:08
Speaker 1: was when I came out here. I came out here
49:10
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be an actress, and I had
49:11
Speaker 1: all these big dreams and they were crushed like right
49:16
Speaker 1: at the beginning. I mean, I I've told this story before,
49:18
Speaker 1: but like I went in on an addition and I
49:21
Speaker 1: they said, I count the call back, and then before
49:24
Speaker 1: the callback they called the manager and they said, like,
49:26
Speaker 1: you need to lose weight. If we're going to hire you,
49:29
Speaker 1: and I just remember having so much like I'm done
49:33
Speaker 1: with this. I don't ever want to put myself in
49:34
Speaker 1: the public eye again. And then you know, twenty years
49:39
Speaker 1: later or whatever it was, Housewives presented itself to me,
49:42
Speaker 1: and it there were parts that were really fun and
49:45
Speaker 1: great about it. But you know, I'm seeing there all
49:49
Speaker 1: away on their trip right now, and I'm I know
49:52
Speaker 1: what those trips are, and I know that are good.
49:55
Speaker 1: That is, I know we have some fun. But you know,
49:58
Speaker 1: when you're on those trips, just like you are NonStop
50:02
Speaker 1: seven and it is rude. And me sitting here is
50:07
Speaker 1: like last night, I'm cuddled up with my kids watching
50:09
Speaker 1: Cobra Kai, thinking, gosh, I don't have to try to
50:14
Speaker 1: spark a ton of drup, you know, like I don't
50:16
Speaker 1: have I don't have to come for someone right now.
50:19
Speaker 1: Like and I'm not saying that it's made up, but
50:21
Speaker 1: like when you live your life in front of the
50:23
Speaker 1: public eye and you have to feel your full emotions
50:27
Speaker 1: were like in your day to day life, you don't
50:29
Speaker 1: necessarily have to do that. Like I can get annoyed
50:32
Speaker 1: by stuff or annoyed by a friend and go whatever,
50:35
Speaker 1: because I don't have a camera watching me. Such a
50:38
Speaker 1: good point, like you can, yeah, but whenever, that's what
50:42
Speaker 1: makes a good reality show. You have to like every
50:44
Speaker 1: little thing that maybe just kind of annoys you, and
50:47
Speaker 1: that and an everyday person like at me, like my
50:50
Speaker 1: husband does something that pisses me off, and I probably
50:53
Speaker 1: will just like whatever, stupid under the ruck, I'll deal
50:56
Speaker 1: with it tomorrow or I'll just let it go. You
50:59
Speaker 1: can't because if you don't confront it with or a
51:03
Speaker 1: friend or a spouse, then you're missing a moment that
51:06
Speaker 1: could be making compellite television. When you have compelling television,
51:09
Speaker 1: you have high ratings, When you have hire ratings, do
51:11
Speaker 1: you get high checks? It's a job, you know. It
51:13
Speaker 1: all comes back down into a big circle. So I mean,
51:16
Speaker 1: it really is. It's an internal struggle because you and
51:20
Speaker 1: I you you know you want something. I know I
51:22
Speaker 1: want something else. I know that I want I want
51:26
Speaker 1: to be able to authentically be who I am and
51:31
Speaker 1: not live one foot in one ft out if that
51:33
Speaker 1: makes any sense on the life that I actually live.
51:36
Speaker 1: But I don't know what it is. And so I
51:38
Speaker 1: think that coming through that is something that's There's been
51:42
Speaker 1: hard days, but I don't know if it's because the
51:45
Speaker 1: Housewives or because of a childhood dream that I've always had. Yeah,
51:49
Speaker 1: and like touch it, but not in the way you
51:51
Speaker 1: originally wanted to touch it, and you still trying to
51:54
Speaker 1: figure out what exactly that dream is now. Trust me, God,
51:58
Speaker 1: I feel very I connect with you on that because
52:02
Speaker 1: you have these things that you think you're gonna do
52:04
Speaker 1: and you don't know. But then you grow and you
52:06
Speaker 1: and you have experiences on television or whatever ever, as
52:10
Speaker 1: Wendy did in different ways, and you realize, like, maybe
52:13
Speaker 1: that's not as glamorous as I thought I was going
52:15
Speaker 1: to be, or maybe that's not exactly what I thought
52:17
Speaker 1: I wanted to do. Now I'm older, I'm wiser, and
52:19
Speaker 1: also have children now, so my priorities are different. You know,
52:22
Speaker 1: maybe I don't want to always be in l A
52:24
Speaker 1: like all these commons, these conversations are constantly going on
52:27
Speaker 1: in your head. Um, sorry, I don't know how I
52:30
Speaker 1: turned that correct. It's even a good place to like
52:34
Speaker 1: kind of end on. But I think that that is
52:36
Speaker 1: a huge I think as kids, I kind of thought
52:39
Speaker 1: that you were gonna I was gonna grow up and
52:41
Speaker 1: then I would make this decision for my life and
52:44
Speaker 1: that was gonna write life exactly that every single year
52:48
Speaker 1: I was gonna want to push for more. That complacency
52:51
Speaker 1: was is where I'm my most unhappy. Like that I
52:55
Speaker 1: have to continue like pushing, pushing my boundaries, figuring out
52:59
Speaker 1: what I want X, trying to fight for things, being rejected.
53:04
Speaker 1: All of those things are part of what makes us
53:06
Speaker 1: who we are and better at what we do. Exactly right,
53:10
Speaker 1: and you're totally right. You think when you're young that
53:12
Speaker 1: you're gonna have one job and you're going to do
53:13
Speaker 1: that till you retire, and then you're gonna vacation and
53:17
Speaker 1: travel with your husband and what your kids are growing
53:20
Speaker 1: and have grand babies like you have this picture, but
53:23
Speaker 1: it just doesn't feel like the hustle number. And then
53:26
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a hustle baby. Yeah, Now when can
53:32
Speaker 1: we be as rich as Wendy Williams? Uh? It's pretty nice?
53:36
Speaker 1: Where's I can talk to you? Brout ours? Thank you? Joining? Um?
53:40
Speaker 1: I hope that we can come on and do this
53:42
Speaker 1: together against I would love to. I love chatting with you.
53:46
Speaker 1: Where do our tea potters find you? Um? You can
53:49
Speaker 1: find on Instagram cares a co owner, and you can
53:51
Speaker 1: watch Daily Pop. It's live every day at eleven am.
53:55
Speaker 1: Easter Perfect, Bye bye, Honey, Thanks for listening. Subscribe to
54:02
Speaker 1: Teddy Tea Pot on I Heart Radio or wherever you
54:05
Speaker 1: listen to podcasts. H