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Live with The Joy Jolt: Joy is the Backbone of Lasting Love · The Joy Jolt Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, here we are.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to The Joy Jolt.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Susan Patrick,
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: and I am super excited to welcome you to this very special edition of The Joy Jolt.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have one of, if not my favorite person on the planet.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm joining me today.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I've got my husband, Jared Patrick.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's give him a round of applause.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Woo!
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Jared's in the house.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you here today?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I suppose this is the special anniversary edition of The Joy Jolt podcast.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: It indeed is.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Susan and I are celebrating 21 years of marriage today.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hard to believe.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: 21 years.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: 21 blissful years.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm like, right?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I just am sitting here thinking like, where did the time go?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Where did it go?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Where did it go?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm excited about the next 21.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yesterday we were out for a walk with the dog and we were just trying to remember
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: the favorite anniversaries that we've had so far.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And they pile up somehow.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: They do.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: They pile up.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: They pile up.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important for us to do this podcast because I think it's important that
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: the world witness joyful love.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think that we become so cynical about love, especially the idea of lasting love.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's important for human beings to actually see human beings who enjoy
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: and are still enjoying being in love.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Jared doesn't know what we're talking about today,
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: but I'm going to just kind of spring it on him and we're going to just have
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: a discussion about it.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was going to ask for an agenda.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: He's much more structured than me, much more structured than me for sure.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so today's agenda, we'll start there.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to call this podcast to order.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what we're going to talk about is a concept that has rolled around in my mind.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to share it with everyone's listening and get Jared's take is I think
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: that everybody,
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: when they think about love,
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: they think about hearts and it's that sense of we just want to feel it in our heart.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But nobody ever talks about,
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: you know, okay,
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: you're going to fall in love and we love love,
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: but what is the backbone of lasting love?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really think that we need to put the backbone next to the heart
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: and start talking about that.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to stay in love, you have to start tending to your joy.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And joy really represents the backbone of lasting love.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So when I say that, what do you think?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know,
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think if you call it joy,
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: I might even dumb it down a little bit more and maybe just call it fun,
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: because if you're not having fun together,
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: then it's unlikely that you're going to want to spend much time together.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's unlikely that you're going to You know, decide you keep wanting to be together.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So whether you're maybe joy and fun are kind of the same thing,
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: or maybe you get joy from having fun.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, that's what it is for me, I think.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I think is fascinating about that, though, too,
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: is wouldn't you say that a lot of our arguments are me always arguing for you
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: to have more fun?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I would say that's probably true.
• 3:18
  Yeah.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's have more fun, Jared.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to have more fun.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what's funny is I really am your number one fan.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you're funny.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: My only fan?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I am Jared's only fan.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're not on only fans, but I'm his only fan.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're on only fans.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just one of us.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to only have one fan.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's what Jared always says.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's important when you think about love.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Are you your partner's fan?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's really easy...
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Over the years to start picking your partner apart,
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to tell that story about how you had to make a decision years ago.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know if it's a story so much as there was a one event per se,
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: but
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I, like most people out there, will have Little voices in my head.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And they are often not positive little voices.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: They're voices that are picky.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: They're voices that are critical.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: They are voices that don't necessarily feel good.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized at a certain point that when I was listening to those voices,
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: it was not making our relationship better.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I made a conscious effort
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: to not let these little negative voices Things take hold to not let them have
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: a place.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: And when I catch myself being in a negative mind space about something
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: that Susan said or something that Susan did or anything that I was blaming her for,
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: I decided I'm not going to give into that.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Think of Susan as her highest version of herself.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Come on now.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: This is amazing.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And not give in to that dumb little voice because those little things, they're little seeds.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: And if they get planted, they take root and they start to grow.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And these tiny little seedlings can turn into giant problems.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that for me, at least, the best way was to never let them take hold.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I really love what you're saying.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was a commitment that you were going to see me in my highest self, right?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that I would say it's really easy for the brain to be critical.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: The work is to stand in a place of validation, right?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to work to be critical.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: We already got that.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to work to plant the seeds of frustration or to plant the seeds of being annoyed.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: We all know how to do that.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: But the practice of and the backbone of seeing your partner as their highest self,
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: that's the work.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And what's fun is that that commitment that you made all those years ago,
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: we're really now, I think, feeling the benefit of that all these years later.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: It really has cultivated an energy in our marriage that is fun.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I used to feel like you were pretty critical of me.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now I, without a doubt, know you're my number one supporter.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I always knew you were really critical.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Aware or conscious or sort of sensitive to my criticisms.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm a critical person.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: He's an editor.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: I spent years as a television editor.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: You're looking for every single little detail.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Any project that I have, I'm into the weeds on it.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at all the details.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: And all the details are not always good.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: The ones that jump out at you are the ones that are sort of maybe the The ones
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: that you don't want to be there.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it was a practice.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I had to learn to not let those things take over because they're not any more true
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: than any other thing.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean,
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: it's just as true to say that Susan is sweet and loving and generous and caring,
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: and why not let those be the things that I focus on instead of anything
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: that doesn't set her or me up for success?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the inevitable humanness that you get to interact with from every human being.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just turned 51.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Jared is about to turn.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can devolve your age if you want to.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're maturing.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember having this conversation where we were standing in the kitchen
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: and I said,
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: we're either going to spend the rest of this journey picking each other apart
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: for what's kind of falling apart.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or we could really recenter ourselves in the conversation of validating what is,
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: what we enjoy, what we enjoy.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Find fun about one another and that really is a total choice.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that starts with me because as a woman and as a man,
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to sound like it's just a one way street.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Getting older is a trip and it can feel overwhelming and daunting
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: and you can really start picking yourself apart.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if you pick yourself apart, then it's really easy to pick your partner apart.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so this expression of the backbone of your relationship is joy.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be a joy seeking being within yourself.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to say,
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: that's one of the things I do love about you and I in our own way,
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: because Jared is his own unique individual.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm my own unique individual, but we're always advocating for the joy of the individual.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when you advocate for the individual's joy,
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: then all of a sudden it adds to the collective joy.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I need to be less critical of myself so that I can be less critical of him.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that I think I've learned over the years, too,
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: is Susan is an amazing teacher,
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: and I would be the first to tell you that I have learned a lot more
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: about feeling good on a daily basis of seeking the better feeling.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: She calls it joy.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Joy is a big word for me.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Joy is like intimidating.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: It feels like you need to be singing from the rooftops.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think that's what Susan's talking about here.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: She's talking about feeling good for the most part.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: And some days that's going to be really big and it's going to be bursting out of your chest.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: But other days it's maybe just appreciating something small when you're Out on
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: a walk or on a drive or something and finding the good feeling in every instance
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: as much as possible.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that I have learned a lot how to do over the years, for sure.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: One of our, well,
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: one of my favorite practices that we've been doing for,
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: it's going on at least 13 years,
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Is for 13 years,
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Jared and I have created the space once a month,
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: the first Wednesday of every month, we just take each other out to breakfast.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that sounds benign,
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: but holding that space as a tradition,
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: that we hold that space the first Wednesday of every month,
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: we take each other to breakfast to a different place that we've never been.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, just so it's a little bit different.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we do two things at that breakfast.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: We sit and we talk about what are we thankful for?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: What are we thankful for?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I get to witness him in gratitude.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: He gets to witness me in gratitude.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then we sit back and we witness, well, what do I want?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: What am I excited about moving forward?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not allowed to in that in that breakfast,
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: you're not allowed to ask, well, how are you going to do that?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's not realistic or why?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's no it's just literally witnessing gratitude and excitement.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we're doing that out loud and we're witnessing each other,
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: not solving,
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: not asking questions about, not going deeper with, really just witnessing.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, I wanted you to talk about what those lunch or those breakfast meetings
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: are.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: We call it the universal managers meeting because for us,
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: we're just sort of speaking to our larger selves and allowing ourselves to Try
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: and be as connected to what we're up to creating and what we're hoping for.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Now, that just happens to be the way that we do it.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And of course,
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think what Susan is encouraging people to do is to create their own rituals
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: and practices.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can be inspired by something that we do, that's amazing.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it's been an evolution over time.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't set out to do this thing and that this is what we're going to do.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: We've been working together,
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: collaborating on different business projects ever since we've been together.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not always fun.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I think these meetings,
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: they started out more as like goals and visions and planning and this around work.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then we realized we're doing that all the time anyways.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: So why don't we try and like keep it a little bit lighter, keep it a
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Just to make it be more energetic.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And now as a result, it's like Susan said, a lot of years we've been doing this.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: I actually really look forward to these.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: We do it first Wednesday of every month and I have it in the calendar
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: and I look forward to it because it's an opportunity to just take Half an hour
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: and just be in appreciation together and look at what's happening in our lives.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Be excited.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Be excited.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Ask the questions.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: What are you grateful for and what are you excited about?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And let your partner and the universe, God, witness that.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's something that I think is important in Trying
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: to establish ways that are gonna lock you in to owning your joy.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not responsible for his happiness.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not responsible for his joy.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: He's not responsible for my happiness.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: He's not responsible for my joy,
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: but we really do advocate for each other's joy because we know selfishly that
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: if mama happy, everybody happy, right?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think,
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's normal that people are going to falter, that people are going to stumble.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to have moments where something happens that you don't feel good about,
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: you feel out of control about, you're stressed about this and that.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the real benefit of having a partner who you're aligned with is
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: when you slip or
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: you get a little messy.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: That hopefully that person can be there to back you up.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, you certainly do it for me all the time.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I do it for you.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: You do it for me all the time.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know,
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: maybe that's also a part of it over the 21 years that we've been married
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: and together for, I don't know, almost 25, I guess.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know,
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: we've learned how to really be there for one another and know when
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: the other person needs a little backup.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And being a voice for in your marriage,
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: in your relationship,
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: letting it not just be about love, but really being about, I enjoy being with Jared.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I enjoy being with Jared,
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: but I can only enjoy being with Jared as much as I enjoy being with myself.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so my committed practice is to really enjoy myself.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that then we can then become,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: and we are advocates for our relationship to feel good.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think about the sense of like joy is the energy.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you walk into your home, what does the energy of your home feel like?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that that energy is something that we tend to as a priority.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not enough that we're getting the kids to school and
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: that we're just doing what we need to do to get through the day.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's something bigger at play and that bigger Everything that's at play resides
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: in the energy.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: What am I feeling?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: What am I really experiencing in my body?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is this helping me to regulate my nervous system?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Am I feeling good?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the biggest lines that we use when we argue,
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: and Jared can attest to this, is, Jared,
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: you deserve to feel good and I deserve to feel good, and this doesn't feel good.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: So what are we going to do?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: That line is probably a part of every fight we've ever had.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're fighting, you're not feeling good, obviously.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: And for us, at least, it's a helpful pivot to say, you know what?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: That energy is not helpful.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let's focus on what we both want.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: This ridiculous thing that we're arguing about is invariably a ridiculous thing.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's stressful.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: But really, it refocuses us back in on, look, We're in this together.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you deserve to feel good.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: I deserve to feel good.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's direct our conversation and our energy towards that outcome for both of us.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we defined it years ago when we got married.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what does good look like?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I would encourage you to create some kind of a mission statement for your marriage.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And our mission statement is that we will be in a happy, healthy, loving, and fun marriage.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Happy, healthy, loving, fun.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Happy, healthy, loving, fun.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so now...
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: We have the beginning of the fight,
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: which is you deserve to feel good and I deserve to feel good.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: What are we going to do to feel good?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: But we also both know what good means for us,
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: that we will be in a happy, healthy, loving and fun marriage.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we know when we're not there.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: We know when we're not being there.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: We have the benefit that you live and breathe this stuff.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it sounds easy when we talk about it because you have A master's
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: in applied behavioral science,
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: you have training, you have you work with clients, you help people all the time.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: So you know how to do this in your day to day life.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: What about for people who don't have that background,
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: who maybe come from a family where people didn't speak that nicely to each other?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I mean, what would you say to them to sort of help them?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Create their own practices or ways of interacting.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Any tips?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well,
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: the first thing is don't let joy overwhelm you because when you're in overwhelm,
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: you're actually in some of the other patterns.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And everything that we're talking about is not about making big changes.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's about being and choosing and owning that you desire to have more joy.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's just that simple.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't take ownership of their joy.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's cultivating a mindset.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's cultivating a mindset.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was working with a woman that I was coaching and I had to get her to the place
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: where she could just own.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter what kind of life you're in right now.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter what kind of family you're in right now.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter the circumstance that you're in right now.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Where's your mindset?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's that sense of her just choosing in this moment,
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: regardless of anything else, I am a joy seeking being.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I am a joy seeking being.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you start there,
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then all of a sudden the mindset starts to cultivate where you want to plug
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: into some of these simple practices that I'm offering.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't choose to own for yourself that you desire to be
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: a joy-seeking being, you're not going to be seeking joy.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to be seeking fault.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to be seeking judgment.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're seeking something, right?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're always seeking something.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so the first step in this really beautiful process,
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: and at the end of it, you know what the price you have to pay?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Joy.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Joy.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: So so really that sense of it is not a small,
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: small feat, but it's such an important thing to start with owning.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: I am a joy seeking being.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if there's anybody out there who who like me thinks
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: that it feels like joy feels like a lot of pressure,
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: I literally just call it feeling good, you know, and and and and.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think everybody wants that.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody would rather feel easier or lighter or just generally not pressure or stress or anger.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: So if we just move towards feeling good,
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: maybe one tiny step up the ladder from there is actually joy.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that might be how I look at it, but maybe it's all the same thing.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: And this, I think, is a really important point in relationships, too.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that this is something that we do really well together is
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: that I don't need my husband to do my work the way I do it in order for me to be
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: a stand for his joy.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's on their own path.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's in their own vehicle.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you need to give people the dignity of their experience.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so this work isn't about Jared needs to show up in the world like me.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, Jared needs to show up in the world like Jared.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it needs to feel good for him.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And he needs to make sense of it for him.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: But can we be a loving example for each other to inspire the person to be
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: a joy-seeking conversation?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Something that feels good.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: What else?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is it.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're actually... You're just getting...
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're just getting going.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Jared's like, what are we going to talk about?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're done.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're at 20 minutes.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Look at this.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to say, I love you.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been an absolute privilege to be your partner and your playmate
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: and your wife these past 21 years.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I appreciate those who are witnessing this moment because I think that love
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: and joy, it is what heals the world and it's what the world wants more of.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: So happy anniversary.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: Happy anniversary.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: I love you too.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for joining The Joy Jolt.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Susan Patrick.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is my beautiful husband,
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Jared Patrick, and it has been a privilege spending some time with you.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you are on Substack and you're listening to this on Substack,
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: please send out some information and invite your community to subscribe.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you are not listening to this podcast on Substack, come and visit us at thejoyjolt.com.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: We would love to connect with you and keep spreading the joy.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time.