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Having Easier Conversations about Money - in relationships & life · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, the podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sally Ann Hartnell, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: In soulful, deeply supportive DNMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm going to be chatting with Nicole Alesios.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Nicole is an economist, a money mindset coach and speaker who is passionate about helping women find their voice so they can have easier money conversations.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Firstly with themselves and secondly with their clients.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Nicole believes in the nourishment of women and communities and believes that when women lean in and connect with the true value they provide and start charging confidently, the money flows and entire communities benefit from their generosity.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Nicole supports socially minded women to have easier money conversations through money mindset coaching and also helping them set a clear and achievable strategy which is in alignment with their unique money personality.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Nicole.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It is great to have you on the podcast.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Hi Sal, what an intro.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much for having me.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are my very first podcast interview guest, and um I'm really excited to chat with you today.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: As you know, I love your work and I'm really, really keen to share it with our listeners.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought we'd kick off by me asking you to explain what you mean by money mindset.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Sal.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So great to be here.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Money mindset is really a made-up term, um, but it refers to the way we see money.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the way you see money then influences your relationship with money.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: So that's your money mindset, and your money mindset is then influenced by so many elements.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, our family of origin upbringing, as well as our societal conditioning, and of course, our gender roles as males and females.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, when it comes to our money mindset, we all have positive and negative associations with money.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And the idea of understanding your money mindset is to really understand and get to know these associations, the positive and the negative, and know how to navigate with them.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And note that I said navigate with them, not feel the need to fix or change them.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope that summarizes what money mindset means to me.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's great.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my next question is I wanted to ask you why you believe that it's so important that as women we know how or we develop the capacity to have easier money conversations.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think that's so important?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great question.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: So when women, when women lead with their feminine fire and they really connect, and that means by connecting with their true value and charging for it, uh the money starts to flow more easefully, remembering that a lot of our conditioning as women is to serve, right?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And to give.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: So the idea of connecting with connecting to your feminine fire and really then allowing that natural flow to happen means that money and abundance flows more easily.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And why is this important?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's because as women, we're all incredibly generous and nurturing creatures.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And what we have, we give and it multiplies.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: So if we have more money, we give and it multiplies.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And money in the hands of the right people, and by the right people, I say socially minded women, especially and nurturing women who I'm sure are listening to this podcast right now.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's important that you have money because your contribution and your generosity makes a difference.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: So your contribution and your generosity makes a difference.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I hear a lot of women say, Oh, I don't care about the money, I want to help people.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is that making money and helping others or creating social impact does do not need to be mutually exclusive.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that means that they they can and they should exist simultaneously.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: And when you lean into this mentality through channeling your feminine fire, you give other women and charging your value and really connecting to it, you give other women permission to do the same thing.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And like we said before, when when women have more money, entire communities benefit from their generosity.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it and it plays out over and over across generations, across business, when women have more money, totally absolutely right.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: It it just expands and multiplies.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So how does our money mindset show up in our closest relationships?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens if, for example, we have a different money mindset from our partner?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And we could talk intimate partner or business partner.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when we're in a relationship and we have a different money mindset from the person we're in a relationship with?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is such a juicy question.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I love this question.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: We could be here all day on this one.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: I get asked this by um by a lot of my clients.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is, as you know, Sal, we all have different money personalities.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, let's just say in a relationship, be that personal or professional, for the sake of an example, you both have opposite money personalities.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: So for example, one of you loves to spend and the other and the other one of you loves to save.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Going by the money, the money personalities that I teach, let's just say one of you is an accumulator and the other is a celebrity.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: The accumulator loves to save and count every dollar that's coming in and out, whereas the celebrity money personality loves to spend.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you can imagine that these two in a relationship might might encounter a little bit of friction.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that usually happens when there isn't a full understanding of the depth and range of each money personality.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're talking about the light and the shadow side, usually when there is a terse exchange or an argument with your business partner or your personal or in your personal relationship, it's usually that we're not seeing the full range of the money personality.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: So we're seeing one perspective and often it's that shadow side.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: So what we mentioned before, it's someone you're you always want to save money or you always you're always wanting to spend money.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that friction can happen when we're not connected or we don't understand the full depth and the full range of that person's money personality.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: So what that means is you're just looking at one facet.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: So for example, accumulators love to save, and saving is amazing, right?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's great to be so meticulous and to monitor what comes in and what comes out with such high integrity and such level of detail.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: However, they also disrespect their time a lot, right?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: So accumulators can also disrespect their time a lot.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: So what that means is they can be doing a lot of things that they feel they can do everything.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Why would I pay for it?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I can do it myself.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if we go back to that example of an accumulator, i.e.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: a saver, being partnered with a celebrity who loves to spend, right?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And the argument from the accumulator to the celebrity might be you're always spending money.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're always spending money.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now, celebrities love to spend.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, they do.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: However, they're also the epitome of self-care.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that means that they really understand and value uh what money can afford.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And they're not afraid to use money to explore how it can make their life easier.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: So celebrities really understand uh the power of money and how it can be introduced into their life to make life easier.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope that um I hope that kind of just gives gives greater perspective on when we look at when we understand that each money personality is extremely multifaceted.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: So to loop back, how does money mindset show up in our closest relationships?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's if we all have different money mindsets.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, it can be annoying if you don't have the exact same money mindset, but it can also be it can also be a really complimentary relationship for personal development for reasons why I just explained before if there are two opposites, um despite the arguments, yeah.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Opportunities for growth, yes, yeah, exactly.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Opportunities for growth uh through gritted teeth sometimes, I'm sure, personal development and creativity and just overall growth.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: So, in short, although having different a different money mindset or differing money mindsets might feel stressful if you if you allow yourself permission to explore the money personalities, you can see how they can be very complementary to both of your growth personally and the growth of your personal and business relationship.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, awesome.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, going on from that, I really wanted to ask you how whether our money mindset is fixed and also how it shows up or does it show up, does it change or is it affected by times of high stress and emotion?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: So is it fixed and are there times when we're really stressed that it, you know, how does it show up?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Firstly, to answer the first question, is our money mindset fixed?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not, it's not fixed.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's influenced by our thought process, which then influences our emotions.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if you think of, you know, how easily and quickly our thought process can change.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: And if I, you know, use a reference of, you know, I'm not having carbs, but then, oh well, I'm having pasta for dinner, I've changed my mind.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of how dynamic our money personality is as well.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, no, it's not fixed, it's certainly dynamic and constantly moving.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: As for how do our money stop stories show up in times of high stress and what can we do to support ourselves?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is a really great question.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: And essentially, it's our the shadow side of our money personality is essentially fear, right?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's essentially fear, and it's all these limiting beliefs which we all carry.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like we said, from family of origin influence or our societal conditioning, we all carry certain fears, and these can these can prove to be money trip hazards, and it's really easy when we're stressed to throw out all the mindset work, all the personal development, and go back to what we know, right?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: So go back to all that conditioning, and you know, we've all done that, and it can feel really frustrating at times, but it's just fear is really clever, and fear thinks it's keeping us safe by keeping us in what's familiar and what's known, right?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: So if you've yeah, if you've got, you know, 40 years of conditioning around money and you've done, you know, a money mindset mastermind for six months and another coaching program for three months or whatever, and then you're hit with, you know, a big stressful situation, yes, you might use some of the tools that you learn, and you would hope that you would, but it's not uncommon that fear is going to lead you to slip back into those old money stories and those limiting beliefs, um, and those limiting beliefs in order to, in order to sort of help you feel like you can survive this stressful encounter.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: So when when when we are stressed, it's it's really easy to drive with fear.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I say drive with fear because you know, fear is always with us.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And when I say fear and money trip hazards in this context, they're always there, they don't go away.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's just about learning how to navigate with them.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: So if you imagine, you imagine yourself in a car.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um when you're in soul and in alignment, you are driving.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: When you are hit with a stressful situation and you might find yourself reverting back to that scarcity mentality where those money trip hazards come up, where all of those stories about not feeling enough, the I call it the not enoughness cloud, when that starts to loom, when you're not feeling enough, don't feel like you're good enough, there's not enough time, there's not enough money and not enough resources, it can be really easy to drive with fear, right?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And just go back to what we know.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, we've all been here, and I'm sure you, you know, you can agree with this as well, Sal.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: When we're leading with fear, we're really, you know, we're really not leading with the best version of ourselves.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're driving, when fear is driving you, you're not leading with the best part of you, the best or highest part of you.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why it's really important to understand your money trip hazards, i.e.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: your fears, and and understand essentially what causes, what's causing you to lead with fear.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: And this usually stems from a lack of self-trust when it comes to money or decision making.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it can usually like, I don't trust these new tools or this new way, I'm gonna go back to what I know.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are feeling, if you're finding yourself in that situation, know that there's nothing wrong with you.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this is a lifelong journey about learning how to navigate with fear.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's not something that you learn in two months or three months, it's really lifelong work.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: And the best thing to do in this instance, if you find yourself leading with fear, is to stop.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Stop and sit with the fear and talk to it.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: And ask the fear, you know, what's the worst thing that will happen if I do X or if I make an X decision?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if you stop and listen, you'll find that fear is trying to give you some feedback and typically it's trying to protect you and keep you safe, like we said, to keep you in familiar territory.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: So fear might speak back to you and say, um, if I do this, you know, people will laugh at me or I'll be rejected, or nobody will want this.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's usually there's usually a story, an undercurrent that's playing back that fears is trying to protect you from experiencing.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when you do go deep into that story, you can then ask yourself, is this story true?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Is this true or is it just a story?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Is it true or is it just a story?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: That was a bit of a long answer there to that question, but I hope it's helpful.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, I love it, I love it.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not, it's it is actually something that I speak about a lot with my clients, not necessarily with respect to money, but making decisions from a position of fear or allowing fear to drive the bus.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: So 100% agree with you.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sit with that fear, ask the question, get underneath it.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a story or is it is it the truth or is it just a story?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, thank you.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, Nick, moving on from fear and being in a state of high emotion.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder what impact does that have on our ability to have easy, easeful money conversations?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sal, when we're leading with fear, um, our ability to receive is actually closed off.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: So you can't be leading with fear and be open to receiving simultaneously.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: You can, however, acknowledge that you have fear and receive, but you can't lead with fear and receive.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I just want to be clear there.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: You can't lead with fear and receive.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why it's important to stop and talk to the fear and listen to the limiting money story that's coming up and then knowing how to release or rewrite that story so it so that the fear feels heard, but it's not leading.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: And this is really important because you know, if you are having a money conversation or you're trying to call in abundance or anything in your favor, leading with fear is not going to be conducive to that abundant and successful outcome that you are most likely uh longing for.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think the same is true, as I said before, the same is true in all sorts of engagements, interactions.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you're leading with fear, it's really difficult to be open to receiving whether it's money or whether it's wisdom or learning.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you could give one piece of money advice to somebody who was navigating a challenging relationship, transitioning out of a relationship or a separation or divorce, what would it be?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: One piece of money advice.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: My one piece of advice would be to tap into your value.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: So really connect with your value and what you have to offer, and then ask yourself where are you compromising your value and why?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, where are you compromising that value and why are you compromising it?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, are you compromising that value because you're afraid you're afraid you might be rejected or you won't be accepted?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, what story is coming up for you?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that would be my advice.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Tap into your value and ask yourself where you're compromising your value and why.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess it also ties back into leading with fear as well, asking ourselves, you know, where are we leading with fear?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are we letting fear drive?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: So tapping into value and questioning love, love, love it.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for all of that, Nick.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love for you to tell us all where to find you, how to connect with you, and maybe what's coming up in your gorgeous business.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Sal.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, firstly, you can find me over on Instagram.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: I love hanging out over there and I love a good DM.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: So feel free to slide in my DMs for a chat.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: And what else is going on?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like to know your money personality, like what we referenced in this episode, you can take my free money quiz and you can find that over in my Instagram um link in bio.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it'll say money quiz.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: So head on over and check out what your number one money personality is and what your limiting money stories are.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: As for what is coming up, as you know, Money Mindset Mastery is my signature, is my signature mastermind for women who are wanting to go deep and understand their money story and then rewrite a new one.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: So this intimate mastermind container opens twice a year.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: I open it twice a year, and it's all about creating a safe and intimate space for you to connect with your money-making gifts and release any limiting stories that are holding you back.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then we also look at marketing, messaging, and sales from a place of newfound freedom.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that is opening in August.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: We're doing our second intake for the year in August.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: So that is what is happening over at NAHQ.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: Sal.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here with me today, for sharing your wisdom, your knowledge, and your enthusiasm about all things money.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll drop all the info about how people can connect with you in the show notes.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: It has been an absolute pleasure to share this time with you.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Love you, beautiful woman.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Sal.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me, and thanks so much to everyone who's listening.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Really appreciate you being here.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.