Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Chock Full of Love

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Chock Full of Love · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: It's I do Part two. On this podcast, We're going
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: to talk about looking for love the second time around.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'm Chock Chapel. Some of you may know me from
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: the Golden Bachelorette where I met my beautiful fiance Joan.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: We've had a great time together. I've got to tell you,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: guys all about that. Before I met Joan, I was
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: just like you the listeners, looking for my due part two,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: and I know it's not always easy to open up
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: yourself to love, and again, when a marriage doesn't work out,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of challenges and a lot of questions. Today,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to answer some of the questions that you
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the listeners have, because I'm going to tell you this.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I think I'm pretty good at it and I've had
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of counts late in a lot of years
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: underneath my belt in the love world. So let's get started. Okay,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: let's go to my first caller, Amy.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Hi, my name is Amy, and I have a question.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I am have been divorced for about fifteen years and
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: just have turned fifty, and it feels like the online
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: dating sites don't really work for me anymore. Just wanted
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: to see if you had some advice on places outside
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: of the dating apps to meet people that are over fifty.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you well, Amy, I'm glad you asked that question
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: because it comes up all the time. And the guys
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: on the show, they talked about dating apps. It worked
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: for a couple of them, a lot of them didn't
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: like it or it just didn't fit. But when people
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: ask me that question, what I do is I go,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: let's think about how many people you know and what
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: you really want in life. Some people are just looking
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: for that number one soulmate, you know that's going to
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: replace somebody that they were maybe married to or that
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: they lost to disease or an accident. But what I
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: do is I say, let's look at the people that
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: you know, because references in the world, it's you know,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: it's always what we say is it's people, people people people.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: And if you can tell your friends that you're open
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: to dating, and I'm very adamant about this, don't do
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: this too quick. If you don't really want to date,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: let's you know, don't muddy the waters. But if you're
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: ready to start dating, the first thing I'd recommend is
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: to tell your friends say hey, I'm looking and a
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: lot of people go I live in a small town,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I live in a city. My friends don't have anybody.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: You'd be amazed. And then once you ask them that favor,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: to say, hey, if you know someone or if you're
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: considering somewhere, one of your friends might have it, they'll
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: open up. So apps my personal opinion work twenty fifteen
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: to twenty percent of the time. The rest of it's
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: just getting out. But if I were to do one thing,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: that would be to ask people for referrals. And when
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I say referrals, I'm a business guy. But hey, do
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: you know anybody that I might find interesting? They might
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: find me interesting, somebody I could have breakfast with a
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: cup of coffee, a lunch, just get to know people.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I have a very good lady friend of mine I've
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: known my whole life, and her name is Jennifer. She
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: was living in Austin and she went on a match
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: date and the gentleman she was having the dinner with
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: just said, Jen, you know we're I don't think we're
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: the right people, but I have a friend of mine
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that i'd like for you to meet. She's been married
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: to him Dave for probably ten years, have a great relationship.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: They moved back to my hometown of Witchtock, Kansas. They've
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: got a great life together, so it can happen. That
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: was just kind of an interesting thing on a dating
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: app that's worked a couple of guys on the show.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: As I mentioned earlier, they are on the dating apps
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: and they like it, but I think they're still kind
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: of playing a numbers game. They're not looking for that
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: one soulmate. They're just looking to meet people and to
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: see what happens. So, you know, my advice to you
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: is just get out there, open your heart and ask
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: people that you know, and then we'll go to it
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: with some other questions and some other detailed things I
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: think you could do to find love. Okay, now we're
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: going to go to Melissa, and she's got a great
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: question for me.
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  Speaker 3: Hi, my name is Melissa, and I would like to
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: know how to approach a new relationship when you're not
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: quite recovered from your last one. Inevitably, we compare people
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: to someone we used to love and that doesn't always
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: work out and it's not fair to them. So how
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: do I get out of that headspace of comparing a
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: potential suitor to my ex?
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you Melissa again? Another great question. What I feel
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: about this Because I was married for twelve years, two kids,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: and then I had a long term relationship with somebody
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: for nine years. It's tough and it's a challenge to
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: get them out of your mind. But Joanah and I
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: have talked about this. We don't want those other loved
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: ones out of our mind. You just look at it
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: as a chapter of your life and go, I had
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: this person for this amount of time. Whatever happened happened,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: but then learn from it. Joanah and I had conversation
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: today and we were talking about gifts and those type
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: of things, and I love how what I asked her is,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I said, what are the important gift dates for you?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And she goes my birthday, Christmas, and then Valentine. She goes,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I've always loved something for Valentine, So she goes John
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: that was her husband. You know, That's what we did.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: And Melissa, I personally feel that if you have a
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: jealous partner, there's a bigger issue. A little bit of
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: jealousy is probably a healthy thing, but someone that just
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: dwells on it and really gets frustrated when you talk
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: about an ex, talk about a past I think they
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: might be controlling. That's just my opinion, so I'd be
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: very cognizant of that. But again, you know, talk about
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: your past, open up, because Joana and I have done that,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: and that's one of the things that really attracted the
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: two of us to each other is you know, it
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: wasn't picked up on the show, but at Disneyland we
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: talked about our exes, and when we had dinner, I
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: went into a little bit more detail. But during the
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: day Jonah talked about it because I was curious and
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I wanted to know her history. And I know, and
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I'm okay with myself going if John was still alive,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't be in the picture. And Joan said,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I was married for thirty two years. It was just
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: a terrible circumstance that happened. He passed have cancer. So
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: you know, just just go slow and talk about your
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: ex I really think that's a compliment to them. You
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: owe that. But then with your new relationship, they need
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: to know how you feel and you have to be
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: open to move forward. And I've said this time and
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: time again, it takes a little bit of time. Some people,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: my father has not had a lot of time between
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: his relationships. He's been married thirty five years now, but
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: before that it was you know, they call him a
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: trapeze artist and where they kind of jump from one
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: to another. And his last wife, they've just had a
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: great relationship. So it's worked. But just be comfortable. And
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: here's the other thing too, is it's communication and honesty
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: and if you're honest, you're going to win in the
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: long run. So again, thanks meliss a great question. Okay,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: now we're moving on to Jessica, who has another great
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: relationship question. All right, Jessica, Hi, talk.
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: This is Jessica calling. I had a question for you
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: that I would love your advice on. I am in
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: a relationship with a divorced man. He was married to
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: his ex wife for fifteen years and we have a
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: great relationship. We've been together for about like almost six
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: months now. We're great, but there is one thing that
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: I kind of struggle with within our relationship. His ex
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: wife is a little bit overbearing and he's always on
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: the phone with her or has to leave the room
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: to call her and text her a lot, and sometimes
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: he becomes like a bit emotional when talking about her,
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  Speaker 4: whether it's angry or upset about thinking something about the past.
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  Speaker 4: And they don't have any kids together, so I understand
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: if they were to be talking often because they need
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: to talk about the kids, but they don't have kids,
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: so I don't really understand why they communicate so much.
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: And they have been divorced for two years now, and
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: I ask him a lot if you know he still
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: has feelings for her, and he says no, he just
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: cares about her, and he claims to let me know
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: in the beginning of when we started dating that she'll
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: just always be in his life. But it's challenging for me,
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: so I'm just trying to think of a way to
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: communicate to him that it really bothers me and it
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: really comes off like he still has feelings for her.
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  Speaker 4: So I would love your advice on this.
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: I think it would really help me.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: By Jessica. This is a tough one and what you're
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: going to get from me is just my opinion. But
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  Speaker 1: I have been through a lot of counseling in my life,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: especially when Kathy was passing, and with my wife, my
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: only wife is we try to keep our marriage together.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: This doesn't sound healthy from your standpoint, and just to
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: be direct with you. If he's still having that much
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: communication with her, there's a red flag. It's one thing,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: as you'd mentioned, if you have kids, because you just
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: have to deal with the kids. And I really appreciate
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: and foster when divorced parents communicate about their kids because
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: it's a great way to raise them and let them
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: know that they love each other. But he has to
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: let go of that. A previous caller was talking about,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: you know, just the communications about with the dating couple,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: about your prior exes. You have to do this, But
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I personally would not be involved with somebody that was
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: talking to their ex every day for multiple times. It
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: was getting emotional and walking into the next room and
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: having private, private conversations. There might be some codependency there.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: And again I'm not a licensed therapist, but that's kind
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: of what it sounds like to me. And for both
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: of them to heal and move on, I think if
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: you really say he's a great guy, he's probably a
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: great guy. But I would say you're going to have
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: to concentrate on me. This is too much, And that's
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: just my personal opinion, but I think for you to
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: be healthy, you need to take a stance there because
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I would not want to date somebody the rest of
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: my life have them always talking with their exit moving away.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: And I'm a person that says I mentioned in a
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: couple other questions that I had, I have lady friends.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I absolutely believe that you can have friendships with the
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: opposite sex and it doesn't have to be sexual. Joan
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: has a very good friend, doctor Ron, who's a great guy.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I've met him a couple of times. He's open to me.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: He's just a great guy. And I'm not jealous.
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: I'm not.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I think they've got a great relationship. She's decorated his
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: doctor's office. I mean, so that can happen. But if
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: she was talking about Ron the whole time, I would know,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: is that person in the relationship. There's a problem, there's
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: a red flag. So I wish you luck, and there's
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: a reason why you called that. I would, frankly, as
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: they say, lay the law down and say, you know,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: this is just too much and take it from there.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: But tough one, and I wish you luck. Thank you
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: for the call. Okay, we've got another call from Cassie.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: She's divorced and she's got a great question. So Cassie.
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: Hi, my name's Cassie, and I am a divorced sea
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: living in sunny Florida and I'm just trying to get
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: back out there. But I'm really like an in person
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: kind of gal, and so I hate using the dating apps.
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: And yeah, I just don't know how I should go
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: about meeting guys at this stage in my life in person.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: Please any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Well, Cassie, this is another question that we've got on
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: the dating apps. And I just smiled because after I
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: got divorced, I was on the dating apps for a
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: couple of years and I've got some great stories, I
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: mean absolutely bizarre. Not some good people, but there are
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: some interesting people out there. But the stats today say
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: there's like forty percent of couples that beat through dating apps.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: And then my kids they're on them all the time,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: both of them were single. My son's actually started dating
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: someone that he did meet on an app. They do work,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: but for the generations. I don't know how old you are.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: And I went on to Forbes to do some research
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: on this, and there's like eight dating apps and there's
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: one like you know my age, you know Match is
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: the one that's been around. E Harmony still ranks up
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: as number one, so I wouldn't throw them away. I
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: just be selective and doing that. But your main question
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: is how do I meet people? And I've said this before,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: and I read a Dale Carnegie book and it was
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: just about opening up to people and saying hi. And
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: then there was another book about a person says, get
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: on the elevator and face the wrong way. I did
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: that with Joan the other day. She was nervous, but
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: it made me talk to people. I looked him in
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: the eye, and I'm not really that outgoing Joan is.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I'm a kind of an introvert, but I forced myself
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: to meet people because I like to meet people. And
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: then the other thing is when you meet people, it's
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: not about you, it's about them. If you'll just ask
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: some simple questions, people will open up to you. And
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: there's going to be some people that shun you and
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: walk away. But you know, for meeting people, it could
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: be at the grocery store, it could be at a gym,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: it could be at a church. It could be through friends.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I love meeting people through friends. And if you go
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: to a party in my business world. The gentleman I
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: used to work for, if we went to a big conference,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: we couldn't sit at the same table with people that
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: we knew. He goes, I want you to go meet
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: new people, So forcing yourself to do that, but just
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: that actual little high how are you doing, we'll get
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: conversations started. My best friend met somebody in New York
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: City at the TSA line and it was curving around.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: He just said, hey, how are you doing? And they
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: ended up in a relationship. So open yourself, but be open.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And again, some of us that are on the introverted side,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: it's tough to do, but don't be afraid. What's the
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: worst thing that's going to happen. Usually they'll kind of
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: walk away or you know, you know, I'm not interested,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: or something like that. But I think it's good training
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: to do that because if you do wait and I've
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: had people ask this question too, why do I end
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: up with the wrong guy? Probably because they're coming to you.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: What about you? Just and it's not aggressively but just passively,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: just saying hi to people and see where it goes.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: And again, I'm the biggest fan of asking your friends,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: friends and family, going Hey, I'm ready to date again.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Do you know of anybody? So if you don't like
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: the appse that's the best place to start. But he
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: got another friend of mine that met someone at the
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: gas station who was pumping gas just across from him
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: and just started talking to them. You have to say something,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: and not everybody's going to say something when I say
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: you have to, but not everybody's going to approach another person.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: But be warm, a little bit of eye contact, and
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: just be confident. And this is one thing I'm a
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: guy that I see about ladies. Had lunch today with
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: a business client of mine and I saw a lady
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: walk into the restaurant who wasn't a tent attractive person
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: but wasn't a tent, but are confidence And it just
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: kind of I noticed that, So have the confidence. And
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: then I've had people go, well, I'm a bigger girl,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I'm this, I'm that Confidence is who you are. And
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: if you'll train yourself to say i'm this person, I'm
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: a good person, it's going to open up a lot
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: of avenues to you. So I get the dating the
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: app dating because I did it. It was a crazy ride.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I could tell I could go for five hours on
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: the stories that I had. But I met some great people.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: But I didn't meet anybody that I ended up with
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: through through a dating app other than Kathy, that was
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: my significant other of the past. We met through Facebook
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: and she approached me and it was interesting. She just
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: sent me an it's a DM on Instagram. I don't
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: know what it was on Facebook, but she just said, Hey,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I know your dad. I'd like to I know you
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: know my father. I'd like to meet you. So open up,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: smile and people talk to them and just have a
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: good time. But again, great question, and I wish you
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: the best. Okay, We've got another great question for Monica,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: who was recently out at a bar. And when any
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: question starts with hey I was at a bar, I
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: love to answer these, So Monica, bring it on.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Hi, my name Monica.
• 15:52
  Speaker 6: I have a question.
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: And I got this reaction show when I was out
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: at a bar that a look that was like, oh,
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: she's divorced. Our man really intimidated by divorced women.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Let me know, all right, Monica, and I had a
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Monica that worked for me for a number of years,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: so that name makes me smile. Are men intimidated if
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: a woman's divorced, I would say once you get past
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: thirty to forty years old, absolutely not. The divorce rate
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: is over fifty percent in the United States. It just happens.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: And a lot of times people get married when they're
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: too young. And this is just me preaching going they
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: really didn't know what they wanted, what they were doing.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: They might have been attacked, attracted to a type somebody
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: likes the jock at high school. It just wasn't the
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: perfect uh, the perfect spouse forum, or someone got into somebody,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: you know, a professional that was going through multiple years
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: of or college that added that kind of stress. So no, men,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: mature men are not and especially those with confident are
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: not intimidated with ladies that have been divorced. Absolutely no way,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: shape or form. What's interesting, though, is you'll have some
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: that don't want to get into a blended family, and
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: you'll see that. I've had that with a couple of
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: my friends. But the majority of them love the blended family.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: You know, most of us have kids, some of us,
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: you know, there's a certain percentage that don't. But no,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: that's part of it. And the nice thing is if
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: people really love people, they'll go into that open armed,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: open hearted, and just love the situation. So don't worry
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: about that at all. And I would actually I wouldn't
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: lead off with that. But if somebody just said, and
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: this was some of the best advice I ever had,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: is never blame your ex, never because it looks bad,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: and just say, hey, it didn't work out. We had
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: a great relationship. And that's what I say with my
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: ex wife is we were two different people. We got
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: married probably a little you know, a little younger, a
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: little premature, but we had two great kids. She's got
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: a great husband now she's very happy. So I wish
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: you the best. So that's the people you want your life.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: But again I'll tell you, don't ever be embarrassed at
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: you're divorced, because so many of us have been through that.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Good luck to you. Okay, we've got another great question
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: from Lisa. Really I'm dying to hear this one. Bring
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: it on.
• 18:13
  Speaker 7: Hi. My name is Lisa, and I just wanted to
• 18:18
  Speaker 7: ask for some advice. I'm getting back into the dating
• 18:21
  Speaker 7: scene for the first time in twenty years. You know,
• 18:26
  Speaker 7: my divorce is only behind me, but I'm nervous about
• 18:28
  Speaker 7: getting intimate. Do guys feel the same way about this
• 18:32
  Speaker 7: kind of thing. I feel like I'm self sabotaging potential
• 18:35
  Speaker 7: low connections because I'm like super self conscious. So any
• 18:40
  Speaker 7: advice there to.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Think, Lisa, what a great question, and for a gentleman
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: that's been through that and who has a lot of
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: people in their lives and frankly we talk about it.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: The intimacy is probably one of the biggest challenges that
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: any of us face when we get back into the
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: dating world. There are some people, and you'll smirk at this,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: some of the listeners will that had a marriage or
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: a relationship and they didn't have a lot of sex
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: at the end of it. It could go on for
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: five or ten years. So when they get out, they're
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: very interested in the intimacy. Intimacy is in the eye
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: of the beholder, and it's what you're all comfortable with.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Some people like it, some people love it, and you
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: know the timing. Everybody asked, well should I you know,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I dated someone and they said, I won't have sex
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: for like ninety days. And I don't know about their
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: history on that, but that's what they just said. And
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I think what had happened with them is they got
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: into some relationships were intimate. And then one thing about intimacy,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: it either brings you together or it will push you
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: apart where it doesn't work. And I've also read numerous
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: times where a pretty famous psychiatrist said, I like it
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: when people have sex or intimate early in because they
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: find out if that's going to work, because if it doesn't,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: it'll lead to a lot of problems down the road.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: So the confidence comes from, you know, the sexual confidence.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: The intimacy really comes from yourself. I'm sixty two years old.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I don't look like I used to when I was
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: twenty and thirty years old, so I'm not is in
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: a good shape, But you just have to be comfortable
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: and a lot of it is like with Joan. I
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: like to hold her and I really really like to
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: snuggle with her. And it's it's been out on social
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: media that she's not a big handholder, and I've really
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: got her changed on that. But I love snuggling with her,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: and so maybe that's not sex, but just that touch
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: and it makes you feel very good. I've got also
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: a rule that I kiss her whenever we're together. I
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: kiss her before I go to bed every night. I
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: think that's important. We were very fortunate that we haven't
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: had any fights. But I just think that that's part
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: of it, because you said intimacy and not sex, but
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: sometimes they can go together. But you are the only
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: one that will know, unless you know when you're ready
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: for it and when the time is right. If it's
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: not right, or if you just don't feel comfortable after
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: a certain period of time, or it's happened multiple times,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I want to go see a therapist. I'm a huge
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: fan of a therapist, and a friend of mine is
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: a therapist. He goes. They're just tune ups and they
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: can help you through it. But no one wants to
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: be affluozy. No one wants to be too easy. But
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: it is a big part of life, and the intimacy
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: and having sex can bring a couple closer, and it
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: can bring love and enjoyment to you. So I hope
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: that helps. It's kind of a tough question, but I
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: do want to reiterate again. I think it's very important
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: you do it at your own time and never let
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: anybody push you. You won't be happy with that, but
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: be open to it because as a man, it's a
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: big part. You know how big it is. Some guys
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: they really that's very important. Other guys they're okay with it.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: And the other thing too, I'll mention is you're our age.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: You said you were just getting back into the dating
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: world after twenty years. As you get a little bit older,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: it's not as important when you were younger. But again
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: that's where all kind of debate to the left and saying,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: you know, if you're not ready, and it can lead
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: to it, and you can put you in a bad situation.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: But you know, just a hug or the cuddle, holding
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: hands and that close touching intimacy is a second best.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: So I wish you a lot, but again, do it
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: at your own pace. Thanks. Great question. Okay, we've got
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: another question from a lady named Meghan. All Right, Megan,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I'm real curious on this one.
• 22:15
  Speaker 6: Hello, my name is Meghan, and I have a question.
• 22:19
  Speaker 6: I live in a really small town and and you
• 22:23
  Speaker 6: live in a really small palty. You're dating someone, their
• 22:25
  Speaker 6: exes are everywhere, and so I guess I'm wondering how
• 22:32
  Speaker 6: I should be handling that interaction with my boyfriend. So,
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: my boyfriend and I am constantly running into his exes.
• 22:40
  Speaker 6: They work at different establishments around town, and we constantly
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: run into him, and I feel like he constantly has
• 22:47
  Speaker 6: the need to check in with them spend time with them,
• 22:52
  Speaker 6: and I try to play it cool and not be jealous,
• 22:55
  Speaker 6: but there are times where it's like really hard to
• 22:58
  Speaker 6: do that. So I guess I just don't understand what
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: his mindset is when he feels like he has to
• 23:03
  Speaker 6: go over and say hello, or he has to spend
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: time checking in with them while I'm saying somewhere else
• 23:10
  Speaker 6: and not doing the same thing. It's just in a
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: small town, it's really hard to not be friends with everybody,
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: so you want to try and keep your cool and
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: not really be jealous or have an issue with anyone
• 23:25
  Speaker 6: that's around here because it's too small. So I guess
• 23:29
  Speaker 6: I'm just wondering how I should handle that, or why
• 23:32
  Speaker 6: he keeps feeling a need for people that he's no
• 23:36
  Speaker 6: longer with to like him.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Megan, what a question. And I've got some parallels to this.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I grew up in a small, rural farming community. I
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: grew up out in the country. There were thirty four
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: people in my graduating class, so when you say small town,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I can relate to that. There's an old saying, as
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: you in a relationship or even a business relationship, you
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: have to teach people how to treat you. And I
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: think it's very rare if people just have this, you know,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I use the word parallel, where everything is perfect and
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: you don't get hurt by something they say or they do.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: If it bothers you, and the way you described it,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I think it is too much. And I would tell
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: that person and then you'll find out if they really
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: care for you. There are people, and there's a lot
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: of people, and they're good people and they want to
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: be nice to people. But spending too much time when
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: you're in a new relationship is not healthy. Because if
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: I was the other guy that was with the lady
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: that he used to date and he's spending time with him,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: I'm going something that's not right there. So as we
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: get older we figure this out or we don't, and
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: we're just kind of that person. And I don't know.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: The guy could be a great person, but I know
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: where you're coming from, and for you to ask that question,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I would say, there's a problem. But first of all,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: I would tell he might say, hey, you know this
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: bothers me. I understand you're a nice guy. You want
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: to say hi, but I do need your attention, and
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: you can even use that word it's disrespectful. Only you're
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: the one that can say it's disrespectful. But as I've
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: gotten older and Jonah and I've talked about this, as
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: we can argue and we can you know, we can
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: have different positions, but when you're disrespectful to the person
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: that you're with, that's a problem. So I can't tell
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: you specifically if he's being disrespectful, but I wouldn't say
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: it's a small town because it sounds like if it
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: was a bigger town or a city, he'd be doing
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: the same thing. So I think you just have to
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: communicate with him and say this is important to me.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: And I'm not jealous, it's just I don't think it's
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: healthy for our relationship. So I wish you luck. That's
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: a tough one and almost everybody goes through that, even
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: in the big cities where you see people and you
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: just have to be comfortable. But he is your man,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and he needs to treat you like you're his woman,
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: And I go back to respect. So if he was
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine, i'd say the same thing of going, hey, guy,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: you're in a relationship, you've made that commitment. You like
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: this person, you need to respect her and the relationship.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: So my advice helps you there. But just I'd go
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: back and i'd have a heart to heart and also,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: you know, start off the conversation too, say I'm not jealous,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: but this is how I feel. And I think you'll
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: get some good results out of this, and I wish
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: you the best, So take care. Okay, We've got a
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: voicemail from Claire, and that name is familiar. This Claire
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: is not familiar to me, but one of my first
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: girlfriends was named Claire, so I'm very interested to see
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: what she has to say. So Claire, bring it on.
• 26:26
  Speaker 8: Hi, this message is for Chalk. My name is Claire
• 26:31
  Speaker 8: and I am divorced, no kids.
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: I've been divorced for a couple.
• 26:37
  Speaker 8: Of years and I've been dating a divorced single dad
• 26:43
  Speaker 8: for about three months now and he hasn't talked to
• 26:47
  Speaker 8: me about introducing me to his kids yet, and I'm
• 26:50
  Speaker 8: just wondering, like how to bring it up because I
• 26:54
  Speaker 8: don't have kids of my own, and I know it's
• 26:56
  Speaker 8: a really sensitive topic, but I feel like this is
• 27:00
  Speaker 8: a really serious, potentially serious relationship and I really like
• 27:05
  Speaker 8: Rip's headed and I just don't know how to bring
• 27:07
  Speaker 8: it up. I really do want to meet his kids,
• 27:10
  Speaker 8: so help.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Claire. What a good question. And I've got some experience
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: with this. I don't know if my opinion is going
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: to be right, but I do have some experience. We
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: recorded a show for Drew Barrymore, Joan and I did.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: It was very interesting. They had a guy on there
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: that talked about his crashed relationships because within a month
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: he would take them to meet his mother and family.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: And it was interesting. They had a psychiatrist on there
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: and then the crowd, the audience got involved and they
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: asked me for my opinion. And you're saying three months.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: At one month, I thought that was too early, and
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: the psychiatrist said, they have to earn that, and they
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: have to earn that, not in a negative way, but
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: just spend time with you. You know that there is
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: a true future because you don't want to hurt kids.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: As we get older, we're adults. We can take the lumps.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Kids get attached, or they might get jealous. I'm a
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: divorced guy, daughter and son. My daughter has been very
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: tough on some of the some of the men that
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: my ex wife has dated, just because in my eyes,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I'm her dad and she's grown out of that. But
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: she was pretty tough, So there's some good part of it.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: But you being a mom without kids, if I understand correctly,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: you're probably gonna love them. And I will tell you
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: this is I can just ramble on this. I've got
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: a number of friend couples that elected not to have
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: kids or they couldn't have kids, and I look and
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: I go, they would have been great parents. So give
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: this a little time. And I would say up to
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: six months. And after six months, because they're a part
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: of him, I would say I'd give him till six months,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: give him a little bit of breathing room. Hopefully the
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: ex wife is comfortable. You never you know, I don't
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: know how their marriage in it, if there's any contentciousness
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: in it, you know, if there's issues there. But maybe
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: he's working through that, or maybe he just doesn't want
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: the kids to see him with another woman. And a
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: lot of the other thing I'll met you too, is
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: a lot of it depends on the age of the kids.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: You didn't mention that. The younger they are, it's a
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: little bit tougher. The older they get it because they
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: might be dating or they're a little bit younger than
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: the dating age. But the young kids they just don't know.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: So my advice to you is give it another three
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: months and mentioned to him just once or twice, but
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: don't mention it too much, just going, hey, when you're ready,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: i'd like to meet your kids. And then the other
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: thing i'd say, I know they're a big part of
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: your life, and if we're going to have a future,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be part of their life too. The
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: lady Kathy that I was involved with for nine years,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: I was very fortunate. Her husband was very at her
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: ex husband was very active in raising those kids. He
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: was a great guy. And one of the reasons that
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: it really worked for us. I didn't have to raise
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: the kids. He was there the you know, really the
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: raising them, the disciplining and all that was just not
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: part of it. Kathy and I just had this great relationship.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: So you got to set that up. I'm glad you're
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: thinking about it. It shows you're a good person that
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: you want to meet them. But don't meet the kids,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: but don't push it. Give it another six months and
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: just once or twice ago, but you know, say hey,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: it's time. But at the five to six months, I'd say, hey,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: I think it's time I meet your kids. And then
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to go to this further. No
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: sleepovers for a long time. When you meet the kids,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: especially if they're young, just don't do it. It's not
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: fair to them. It sends so many mixed signals. Even
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: though you might be tired one night or something like that,
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: don't do it. It's just not healthy. Give them time
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: to grow and mature and to figure these things out.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: So I wish you luck. I'll say it again, five
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: or six months. At three, it's a little early, and
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: it's all about the kids. You just don't want to
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: hurt them psychologically, and you don't know what I don't
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: know what they're going through. So good luck. Sounds like
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: you got a great guy. I bet it's going to
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: work out. I truly think this one will work out
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: for you. Just give it a little bit of time
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: and patience. So good luck to you. Thanks, thanks for
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: the question. Okay, now what we're going to do after
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: those call in questions, We're going to go through some
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: emails that were sent to me all right here is
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: a great question from Martha. Martha states on her email
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: tomorrow would be my twenty fifth wedding anniversary. I wish
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: it didn't matter. I'm fifty seven, chunky, and scared to
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: put myself out there. I was that girl in school
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: that was friends with the guys and never dated that
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: much in the first place. After being out in the
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: dating scene for this long, I have no idea where
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: to start, what to say or to do. How will
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I ever find love? Part two? When I'm here. So
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I've got a story for you, Martha. When I was
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: in college and I went to Kansas State University, there
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: was a lady and I'll give you her a first name,
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: but not her last name, Carol, because I'm not going
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: to say it. But Carol was a little chunky. But
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: you know what she did. She cooked for us. She
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: was a great person. She was so much fun, and
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: she was a great friend to the guys that I
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: hung out with and we all worked out a lot.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: She would cook, She was just the funnest person in
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: the world. She was a little chunky. And the reason
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you this story is the guys we all
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: got together after, you know, years after college, we goes
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: whatever happened to Carol, and almost every one of us go,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: you know, we should have married her. She was such
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: a good person. So you know your body types. And
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: the other thing I'll tell you is people are attracted
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: to different things. And as we get older, and you
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: said you're a little bit up in age, that physical
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: part is not the most important. So go for a walk.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: You know, if you want to lose a little weight,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: try to eat a little healthier. It'll make a little
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: bit of difference in your confidence, or hopefully a lot
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: of difference. But don't be worried about that, because there's
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: a person out there that's going to love you for
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: who you are. And just open yourself up. So it's
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: been a long time. I'll keep repeating myself, just meet
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: people and fine. And then I haven't said this before,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: but I I do believe in it. And this is
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: what happened with Kathy and I. She asked me to
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: coffee and it was just very hate Would you like
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: to have a cup of coffee? And I said yes,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: And we were together nine years before she passed away.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: So all of us have something to offer, and I'll
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: meet people throughout my life I meet, you know, a
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: ton of people through business, through the Bachelor Show, and
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: they're also interesting. And what you do is we get
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: a little bit older, you want that interesting person or
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: someone you go that's going to be a really good
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: mate for me, a companion. So I wouldn't worry about
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: being chunky if it bothers you, you know, cut back
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit, take a walk, it'll be good for you.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: But there's a guy out there for you. So you know,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: just keep your head up, show the confidence and be interesting.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: And you know, the other thing is I'm not a
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: big dresser. There's guys that were on the show that
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: were just to the tea. I like to say, I'm
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: just going to look good. I'm not gonna look frumpy.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: And I think that's important too, is just to take
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: care of yourself. I mean, not take care of yourself,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: but dress. And the other thing is we can all
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: hide a little bit, you know, when we put a
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: little time into our outfits. So that's another thing you
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: might do. But we all know as we get older
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: that you know, we're not in the shape or the
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: condition we were in our twenties. But remember Carol, for me,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: she was a great lady. I don't know whatever happened
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: to her, but we all look back and go she
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: was probably the one that got away, So I wish
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: you luck. Take care. Okay, we've got another email question
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: that came in from Miranda. What advice would you give
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: for a single mom in a small town who is
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: struggling to find the time and opportunity to meet new people. Also,
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: any advice on how not to feel defeated by dating apps? Well,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: dating apps and I could talk about this for a
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: long long time, and there's a reason why they call
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: it swipe left or swipe right. They're tough and you
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: won't always get I think a dating apps almost like
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: a job interview. But there's a lot of fraud. There's
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: no other way to put it. There's a lot of
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: fraud in dating apps. Is you're probably going to get
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: the best the person is. That's going to be the
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: best picture. It's going to be, you know, and a
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: lot of times it's not who they really are. I've
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: seen my daughter and I went through it. My daughter's
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: twenty five and she's on the apps, and she was
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: showing me pictures of these guys and they'll be like
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: with their dog or with their mother, and then she'll
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: find out that they haven't seen their mother in twelve years.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: You know, just these kind of things. So it is
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: what it is. But I would tell you what the
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: dating apps. Have an open mind, and then know that
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: there's a car crash in about every other one or
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: every third one, and then just make sure your picker
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: is is on. You know, your picker is really working.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: And but you can meet some great people. My brother
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: met his wife on Match and they've been married. They've
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: got a twelve year old son. You know, we all
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: know the people that have met people through dating apps.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: And then i'd also match. If you want to go
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: back to the dating apps, I'd match it with your personality.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I've made a couple of notes and you might find
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: this interesting, like pull this up the nine Big Day.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: Not in any order, but they're in order. E Harmony
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: supposedly they do the best research and get the best matchmaking.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Here's one for us that are older, date my age
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: dating dot com. St stir kind of sounds like it's
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: a hookup place. Match our Time, which is for us
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: older people. Zoosk Elite Silver Singles, Christian Mingle and if
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: you're Jewish Jay date. So there's a lot of them
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: out there. I think if you were just using one
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: and you got frustrated with it, because there's fifty year
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: a hundred of them out there, I wouldn't let that
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: bother you. I would try it, But then I always
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: go back to making the time. So you live in
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: a small town, I grew up in a small town,
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: there's still people there to meet. You just have to
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: make yourself available. Let's say that you're working one or
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: two jobs, you've got kids, you don't have a lot
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: of time on the weekends, you can take a lot
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: of time or even I'd mentioned before in a couple
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: of other calls, I've had friends that have met people at
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: gas stations at the TSA line, And what you have
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: to do is you have to be open. Because when
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I was single, if I was somewhere and it was
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: the best looking woman in the world and she didn't
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: even make eye contact with me, I knew that there
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: was probably no choice, no chance on that. So just
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: make eye contact and be nice. And if you're not
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: a talker, just kind of open up and you don't
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: have to flirt with them, but just make eye contact
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: and be look friendly and trust me, it'll probably work
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: for you. But I grew up in a small town.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I know it's you know, it's tough because there's not
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: that many people. But if there is a chance you
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: date someone there, the thing is you'll know them or
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: a friend will know them, and you can get that reference.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: You go into a big city, you just don't know.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: You're talking five to ten dates before you even really
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: get to know who the person is or what they do.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Because if you go look online, you go to Instagram, Facebook,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: the dating apps, you're probably not going to get the
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: whole story because everybody tries to be bigger, quicker, stronger,
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: faster and better looking. So I wish you luck, but
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: you know, keep your head up there there's people out there,
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: and just be nice and say hi to people. It'll
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: be interesting to see what you come up with. So
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: good luck to you. Okay, we've got We've got an
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: email from Shary. Shary, I would love some dating advice.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I always feel like I picked the wrong men, dysfunctional,
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: the controlling type. I've lost my desire to date and
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: bury myself in other things like TV and work. Any
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: advice would be great. How can I spot these type
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: of men faster and find the right kind. Well, I
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: will tell you sharing my dentist spells her name or
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: the dentist that I go to spells her name the
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: same way. If you could figure that out, you would
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: write a book and you'd be a billionaire and you'd
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: probably be hanging with JK. Rowlins in a castle in Europe.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: That is one of the toughest things. And what I
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: will tell you is if you date, you get experience,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: and then you have what I call are non negotiables.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Non negotiables are right eighty to ninety percent of the time.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: You know, if you want to date somebody in the
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: same religion you have, you want to date somebody that's
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: not been divorced three times. And I'm a big advocate
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: of this is almost all of us have been divorced
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: more than fifty percent. So somebody goes data divorced person,
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: especially when you're our age, it just dwindles it down.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: I don't want somebody to have kids in the home.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Those type of things, those are the easy ones. The
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: detecting of the personality. And I had somebody very smart
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: in my life goes. I give them test because just
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: talking and all that's kind of easy. But I'll give
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: them little tests about what would you do in this
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: situation or this happened to me? How would you handle
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: it different? And you'll be able to read those people.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: But then narcissism and sociopath path that is out there
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: and you have to be very cognizant of it, and
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: you don't want those people in your life. Trust me,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: they are bad news. And if you see that where
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: they continually put themselves above you or other people, you
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: don't want it. You're going to have a miserable life.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: And I'm being very strong on my opinion there, but
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I have a saying that I brought from my mother.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I wish I would do that, but she goes. I
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: just said this on the Drew Barrymore Show that the
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: person needs to make your life better. And it's not
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: that they're subservient. They're giving you gifts all the time,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: but they have to make your life better. And if
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: they don't make your life better, there better be something
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: that you really like about them. But it's not healthy.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: And the thing is, as we get older, it's healthy relationships.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: It's the sea communication and then healthy relationships. So I
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: wish you luck. But if you get you know, we
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: live in a world of second chances, but be careful
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: with that and you might have to date or be
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: patient and not date for a while till you find
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: that right person. But looks fade as we get older,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: but the character is there. And make sure that person
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: has the morals, the morality, the interest that you have.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: And they don't always have to line on interest, but
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: somebody that you could sit there. Another good thing is
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: can I see myself getting older with this person? Ladies
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: will go I don't want a nurse or a purse
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: because they're sitting to going to all these guys. They
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: kind of want me to just take care of them
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: when I get older, and that's not what they want
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: to do if they're active. So that's another thing to consider.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: But spending time with them, asking questions and watching them.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: There's an old thing that's an old saying with people
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: that have addictions is don't listen to them. Watch their feet.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: And that's the same thing with people. If you think
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: you've got a bad picker, watch their feet, watch what
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: they do, don't listen to them. And I've learned that
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: in my life. I wish I could say I never
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: had to learn that lesson, but I have. But be
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: careful of it. But be patient and be kind and
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: carry but look for those signals. And I wish you luck. Okay,
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: this is one from Lisa. Is there one dating site
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: better than the other? I work remotely, so I can
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: live anywhere in the world. Well, my daughter works remotely too,
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: and she goes I can live anywhere in the world.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: The thing is, would I give you advice on a
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: dating it app? I've only used. I used e Harmony
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: and Match, but years ago after I got divorced, so
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I'm really not qualified. I can just tell you what
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: I've heard from people. You have to look at a
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: bunch of them and then you have to be selective.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: It's just like picking a mate. So E Harmony and
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not promoting e Harmony, but they're still, you know,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: ranked as the number one because I remember going through
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: their questionnaires and it takes like I shouldn't say two hours,
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: but it felt like two hours where they ask you
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: all these relationship feeling, morality questions. I think that's what
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: is needed. Instead of posting a picture in a bedroom
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: or a lady posted a picture showing you know her assets.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: I think that's just a bad, bad, bad idea. I
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: met somebody through a friend of mine. I met her
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: and her husband. They actually met on linked In. I
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: didn't realize that LinkedIn had a dating but both of
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: them were professionals, and she said, I wanted to find
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: another professional. My younger brother met his wife on Match
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: and he lives back in DC, and the filters that
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: they have are just incredible. He wanted he's an attorney,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: and he wanted somebody that had a postgraduate degree, didn't
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: have to be an attorney certain things, and he matched up,
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: but he was living in such a big city and
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: he found his wife. They've been happily married. So I
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: would play with all of them. And when you get
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: on there, if they don't ask a lot of in
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: depth questions, they just want your money, but also ask
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: your friends. I get it. I can tell you almost.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: I think any series or group of ladies that are single,
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: one or two of them have tried it. But the
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: other thing, too is be patient. And I'm a firm
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: believer of trying a little bit of everything in life.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I'd get on the dating apps, but when I was
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: on them, I mean, it was just it was just
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: it was just never ending. And not that I'm special,
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: but there was just so many people on them. How
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: many of them more bots, how many of them more real?
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: And then you would see somebody that you'd like and
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: you'd write something interesting. You never hear from them, So
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: you've got it. You know, you've got to be tough.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: You've got to be ready for a little bit of
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: rejection or when you do finally talk to that people
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: that person. But I met a couple of people that
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: are still friends on Match, and actually I referred one
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: of them to the show if they do the Golden Bachelor,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: I think she'd be perfect for it. So you meet
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: a lot of interesting people, but just be selective on
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: who you think is going to be somebody that makes
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: your life better. And I want to talk too about
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: opening the distance up when you put your criteria in
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: for an application for a dating app. Back when I
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: did it, I had an office in Kansas and then
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: one in Florida, and a lady that I met and
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: I did not lie, but I said, I've got an office.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: I'm traveling back and forth to Florida. I met her
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: down there and we really liked each other. But the
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: distance wasn't going to work. She wasn't going to move
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: to Kansas. Her family was down there, and at the
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: time I had young kids. Like right now, people always go, well,
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: is are going to work? With Joan and myself, I
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: think it will work, and I believe it will work
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: because our kids aren't in the house. Joan is very
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: tied into her grandkids. My kids have both moved away,
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: So my business and my friends keep me in witch Top.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: But at some point we'll make a decision and we'll
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: find out what we're going to do. But I would
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: be open. I can't tell you. And I'm very fortunate
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: in my business because I customer service and I work
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: with so many people that I hear these stories. A friend,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: mind ken Wells, he met his wife and she lived
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: about one hundred and eighty miles away, and usually go, well,
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: that's too far away. They met, she elected to move
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: to Wichita. She is so ingrained in the community and
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: now she's doing VRB homes all over the country and
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: they just have a great life. So if you're going
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: to open it up, make sure that you're willing to travel.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: Another friend of mine out of Wichita is dating somebody
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: in Kansas City. This is a lady friend and she goes,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: it's a little bit of work, but he's a good
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: man and we're willing to do it and we're willing
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: to make it work. And she goes. At some point,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: we'll have to figure it out. But I wish them
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: the best. So be very realistic, realistic when you say
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: how many miles are, what your distance is going to be,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: because don't expect them to come see you every time.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: If the relationship is going to work, and it's going
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: to have to be a given a flow that you're
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: going to have to do this, but you will definitely
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: meet more people. And I would look into it. But
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: you have to sit there and say, am I willing
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: to travel? Can I drive there? Can I drive there safely?
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Can I fly? Am I willing to do this? Because
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: you'll meet, you'll meet, You'll just expand and you take
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: that circle and you just keep expanding it. You might
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: have five times the amount of interested parties in it.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: But you better be willing to travel. But I wouldn't
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: if I lived in a small town, because we've had
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: some people go small towns or small cities. If you're
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: not willing to travel, don't do it because it's not
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: fair to expect either a male or a female to
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: always come see you. But I do. I would personally,
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: I would expand it, but I'd have a little soul
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: searching with myself, going, am I willing to drive an hour?
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: Two hours? Those type of things? What I'd be willing
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: to fly to see someone? Am I willing to relocate?
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: Because as we get older, this isn't a game. And
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: you know, we're not just saying hey, what you know?
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: This might sound fun. These are people's lives and it's
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: our future. So just be careful. But ask yourself those
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: questions and you'll trust me, you'll have a good time. Okay,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: I have one final email question. This one's from Chrissy.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: That was my younger sister's name who passed away at
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: a young age. So Chrissy, I love it on a missip.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: How do I attract the right guy that actually wants
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: a commitment? Why am I only attracting men who want
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: something casual? Well, first of all, is a guy probably
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: sixty to seventy percent just wants something casual, and so
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: your your job in the dating world is to ferret
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: that out. We're not all bad, and it's a different
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: point in the life that lives that they're at and
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: you're at. Younger guys, we all know it's going to
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: be a lot more casual as you get older. You
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: want a partner and what I would look at and
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: it's almost, you know they say dating, Especially the first
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: couple of days, it's almost like a job interview. You
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: got to be fun, you've got to be interesting, but
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: you've got to ask some questions. And I'm a big
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: believer of just kind of throwing out test questions. But
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: I did have somebody one time gone. This is probably
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: harder than any job interview I had. But I'm like,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: this is my time, my life, and I don't want
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: to waste your life as well attracting the right person.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: And what I think this is, it's it's so natural.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: I had question from somebody that said that they were chunky.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: I have guy friends that like chunky ladies and vice versa.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: Women are much more relaxed with how people are their
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: body types than men. But there's still men out there
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: that are looking for that right person. And trust me,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: and what I will tell you from a guy that's
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: worked out his whole life. My daughter she has. She's
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: a great cook and she's not a size zero, and
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: I'm so proud of her. She loves to cook, and
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: I go, honey, you can marry a billionaire. All you've
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: got to do is cook for them. And it's a
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: little joke that she and I have, So you know,
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't worry about that much. But attracting and being
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: attracted to someone is natural. But then also look and
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: go are they a good person? If you're younger, would
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: they be a good spouse? Are they going to be
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: a good parent? Are they going to be this as
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: you get older? Are we going to be compatible? Are
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: they going to like my family, my friends? Are we
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: going to grow old together or are they just going
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: to play golf or sit on the couch and I
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: want to go do things. I want to play cards.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: So you go through that and you've got to be careful.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: I just my advice to people is, don't settle. We
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: all know somebody in our life is gone. I've settled,
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: and it's their life, and for whatever reasons they stay
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: with them. It could be family, it could be money,
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: it could be kids, it could be just complacency. But
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: just my advice to you if you don't have to,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: don't settle and just keep looking for that right person.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: And it's very tough as we get older to change people,
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: but I do. I say this with Joan, is work
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: with me on a new experience. I might like it.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Just last week we were in Mexico. I don't like heights.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've flown airplanes before, but being outside in
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: the wind, I don't like being high. We were on
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: a paarasail that was probably seven or eight hundred feet.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have never have done it. If Joan goes, hey,
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: let's go do it, and you know I'd probably go
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: do it again. So be patient throughout the ideas and
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: know how to. It's not manipulative, but it's opening men's eyes.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: Because we're stubborn, we think we know it all. We
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: don't need maps to get somewhere. But a woman, a
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: smart intellectual woman that we need, has that map and
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: they can kind of direct us. I have extremely successful friends, surgeons,
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: big business guys, private equity, that type of thing. Every
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: one of them, and most of these guys are long
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: term marriages, which I respect. But every one of them
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: has a great woman. And when I say strong strong
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: in their own ways that they work it out. My
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: friend that's an orthopedic surgeon, his wife is a doctor.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: They work it out. My other buddy that's a neurosurgeon.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: His wife quit working to take care of the kid
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: and to make sure everything does. Now they're traveling and
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: have a great time. They just make it work. So
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: think of that. But then I always go back to communication.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: You never know what's going to happen tomorrow, but you
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: can kind of feel it out. Especially if you're concerned
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: about picking the right or the wrong guy, ask him
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: those questions, test them a little bit. And I respect
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: it when somebody. I've had people when I was dating,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: going well, what about this? What about this? Would you
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: be opening? Somebody asked me to go would you be
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: open to adopting a baby? And I'm like, you know
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: this before I met Jonah's probably fifty eight to fifty
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: nine years old, and I go, no, I'm honestly not.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: And they wanted to do that, and good for them,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: but that wasn't going to be something I was willing
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: to do. So ask questions. And the other thing is
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: spend time time. We call it repetition is repetition because
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: then you see other people react and then I mentioned
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: this on another question, and watch their feet. And if
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: you think you're concerned about not being attracted or not
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: finding the right guy, see what they do, not what
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: they say. We are men, you know, we'll do some things,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: but you know, watch them and there are a lot
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: of good men out there. I'll just tell you I'm
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: very fortunate to know a lot of good men. There's
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: a lot of good husband material out there. Unfortunate things happen, divorces,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: people pass away, So just be patient and be open.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: But I wish you luck and we're out there, but
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: we do need a little bit of help. Okay, before
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: I get out of here, we're going to do some
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: rapid fire and I really like rapid fire, and I
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: will tell you all the way through the show. And
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: for those that didn't know, I'd never watched a Bachelor
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: series before that because I wanted to just be fresh
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: the podcast, I never researched. The only thing I really
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: researched was the dating sites of what the popular was,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: because I thought that was going to be some of
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: the questions that came up today. But I'm really interested
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: in these rapid fire because you're going to get my
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: honest quick response. So here we go. Valentine's Day overrated
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: or underrated? Did you and Jones celebrate well? Joan and
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: I just spent two weeks together. She is with her mother,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: her mother in law going to a birthday party this weekend,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: so we're not celebrating it. But I did send her
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: a gift, and I will tell you. I called her
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: and I said, I need to know what's important to you,
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: what days? And she goes my birthday, Christmas and Valentine's.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: So she got a Valentine's gift for me, and I
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: told her, I said, I'm a guy. You never have
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: to buy me anything. What meant something for me is
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: she text me. By the time I woke up and
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: I get up early in the morning, she had text
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: me and just said I love you. Happy Valentine's And
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: we have this little thing. She goes, you make my
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: life better. So it's not the most important day for me.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: Joan likes it because of the love. But I would
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: say it's very important, and to most guys it's really not.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: But teach us, teach us why it's important to you. Okay,
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: the next one, what's one thing every woman should know
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: about dating a divorced man. We come with baggage, and
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: not that because we're divorced that we're were we have baggage.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: It just comes. You're going to come with kids. Most
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: guys right after they get divorced or frankly broke because
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: they go through the divorce, They've got to split everything up.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: We're going to have challenges. We're going to have it
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: x in her life. That's going to be good, bad,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: or indifferent. So those things come. And what I would
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: say is be patient. And one of the previous questions was,
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: well he keeps talking to his ex wife. I don't
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: believe in that. I think you can have communication if
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: you guys see each other if there's something to deal with,
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: but everyday communication No. But and this is I'll tell
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: you this is kind of a strong personality. Guy is
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: we need help. We're not codependent, but we go through
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: a divorce a lot of us are lost. I remember
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: the day after I moved out and I had a
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: rental house, and I woke up in the morning and
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: I go what happened to my life? And so what
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: kept me together were my kids and having a place
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: to go for work, so be patient and try to
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: figure out what's important to them. Okay, the next one,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: how long should you casually date someone before putting an
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: official label on their relationship. I heard a good one
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: the other day. What the kids do now is when
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: they're in a committed relationship, they're off the apps. This
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: is completely subjective, ladies, And it's like, who says I
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: love you first? I told Joan I loved her first,
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: and I'm okay, because I'm a confident guy. You know,
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: it could be it could be a month. And there's
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: people that just with Kathy, I had one date with
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: her and I knew that she was the one and
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: we were together nine years solid after that first date.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: So it kind of depends. I don't have a problem
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: putting a label on it, especially if you're sleeping together
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: and you're intimate, because I think people should do that
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: at our age, and I think, and I you know,
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: I just hear from both men and women going if
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: we're sleeping together, we're a couple. And I believe in that,
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: So I would say, you know, a month to three
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: or four months. I think if it's six months and
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: you're still dating other people, you're you're not meant to
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: be or you're just filling time with each other, and
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: then the label of the relationship is up to you, guys.
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: Because I got in trouble one time for introducing Kathy
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: as my lady friend, and I'm like, you just have
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: to tell me how, you know, because we were engaged
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: and it was prior to us getting engaged, and I go,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: you've got to help me. So that's probably more important
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: to ladies. But teach us how you want us to
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: label it. Okay. Next question, when dating post divorce, should
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: you live with someone prior to getting engaged? Why or
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: why not. I've heard two different opinions on this. I
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: had a pastor tell me that they don't like them.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: They don't like people to live together because when you
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: get married, you have to make it work and you
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: have a stronger commitment, and a lot of the times
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: when you're just living together, the little things will push
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: you apart where you could look back and go, Okay,
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: she did the toilet paper upside down, you know, left
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: the soap in the sink, those type of things. I
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: personally would appreciate it if my kids lived with someone
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: on a personal basis A little bit older in life.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: You know, they're twenty three and twenty five, so they
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: could get to know the person and spend time with them.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: So talking about both sides of my mouth, I think
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: it just depends. Okay, last question, what's the best part
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: about being in your I do part two chapter of
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: your life, and I would say experience, experience, experience. Just
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: like Joe, I'm gonna tell you a secret about Joan.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: We're planning a trip and I go, well, I'll get
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: the airline ticket, but I go, can you book it
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: because I don't have time today? And in that night
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: I get a text from her and she goes, I
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: went ahead and booked my part of the ticket, and
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: I used Miles and I called her and I go,
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: I bet you got your credit card statement Today's shows.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: Yes I did. I'm using Miles. So that's You've been
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: through so much. You've been through the kid deal. You
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: learn that so much of it's really not important or
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: it's not that important that it's going to be a problem.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: So you never want to you never want to wish
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: away your youth a day in your life. But one
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: of the benefits is you've had experience and don't and
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: I've got to stress this. Don't be afraid about not
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: meeting people. People still meet people. I saw Heather, my
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: first wife, her granddad, meet somebody at eighty years old,
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: had five great years with him, and you know, there
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: wasn't a sexual intimacy, but they loved each other. I
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: mean they were companions. So it's out there and whatever
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: fits you, just you've got to put forth the effort
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: to find someone. But love your golden years. But the
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: thing I'll tell you that I've dealt with is the
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: last couple of years or health issues. I've always been
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: very healthy, but nothing major but just knees and shoulders
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: and hernias and my eyes going bad. So enjoy your health,
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: but also enjoy when you get older because life moves
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: at a little slower pace, and it's opposed to because
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: we enjoy it. And I think even a little bit
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: more now. So well, thank you for bringing me all
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: these great questions. I really do like this, and I've
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: been on a number of podcasts and I've been you know,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: certain things I don't like talking about, but the love,
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: advice and just the life in general. And I've actually
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: done this professionally too, with some groups that I've gone
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: and uh spoke at so you know, I appreciate it.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: And one thing that we do need as we all
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: grow is send these questions in and don't be afraid
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: to ask anything because we are adults and you might
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: be surprised. And again, I just give you opinions. I'm
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: not a licensed therapist. I've just a guy that's been
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: through a lot of things in my life and I
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: will be open and honest with you. So please keep
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: sending those in. We really do appreciate it. If you're
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: just starting to open yourself up back up to love
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: after a divorce and not knowing where to start, this
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: is a great place to just get some advice from
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: people that have been through this. And I'm very fortunate
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: in my personal life and my business life and then
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: also being on the show. And we've said this on
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: the show, but this was so true, ladies, it was
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: so true. We called it group therapy that was free.
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: You had twenty four guys. We lost six the first night,
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: so there was eighteen that were there for a good
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: period of time and it whittled down. But we would
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: talk about these stories and I've had some things happen
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: in my life and I was kind of like woe
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: is me, and then you hear other guys and it's just,
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: you know, it's just opening up and learning from them,
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: but the knowing that we can go through these tough things, divorces,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: deess and then bounce back and find love. And I
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: will tell you, I do want to kind of end
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: my comments on this, and it's to each their own,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to upset anybody. But my grandmother
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: was married one time, lost her husband or heart attack
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: when he was fifty two years old, never dated again,
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: and I wish she would have, but she just never
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: would and she said that was the guy that was
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: my life, and I just think she could have had
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: a more fulfilled life. It was obviously her decision to
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: do what she did. But I would just tell you,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: if you really want to meet people, open up and
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: it'll happen to you. But feel free with those questions
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: to call her, email us, follow us on the socials.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: All the above information will be shown in the show notes.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: Make sure you rate and review the podcast. I'd really
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. This is the first one I've done by myself.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: I'd kind of like to do some podcasts. I don't
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: know how good at it, I am, but it's been
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: enjoyable and with me, you're always going to get an opinion.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: I do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: love is the main objective, and trust me, it does happen.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a very fortunate man. Take care and we'll talk
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: soon