Latest / iRefresh Podcast / Brandy Survives Heartache of her Past | EP 118

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Brandy Survives Heartache of her Past | EP 118 · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:28
  Testimonies. Everybody loves to hear them, but not too many want to share. However, if you have not shared your testimony, I encourage you to pray about it. There's just something about it each time that you do, just like the Word says, that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. So I encourage you to pray about it. I think of testimonies,
• 0:58
  I know it sounds weird, but somewhat like the fall trees that we see outside. You know, the leaves are changing, you know, it's the outward appearance, what we, uh,
• 1:09
  We tend to portray or want other people to see the beautiful part. But what the real issue is, is underneath the roots, the ugly part that no one sees, or you don't want people to see, that is the untouched parts that you have yet to turn over to the Lord. The emotions, your story, your past, whatever it may be,
• 1:39
  I learned at a young age to hide my emotions. In probably third grade, eight years old, I hid the fact that I was being sexually abused by my stepfather. I guess out of fear, I didn't tell people for a long time, mainly because I would be tearing apart a family. I had a younger brother to worry about.
• 2:07
  Having been through sexual abuse or abuse of any kind, you learn to understand you don't outgrow the trauma. To know the person as a child already leaves you vulnerable, unguarded. This can typically chase you into adulthood. It meddles with your marriages.
• 2:34
  your children, and sometimes your faith. I figured my inability to connect with people emotionally was just my personality, when really it was a coping mechanism, a root that was so deep, one that I thought would keep me safe.
• 2:55
  but it was emotional, a wreck. I spent most of my teen years wild drugs, alcohol, sex, you know, the usual, I shouldn't say usual because not every teen's like that. But for me, that was my normal. I got pregnant at 16 and my mother took me down and had an abortion. Yeah, the word no one likes to talk about.
• 3:24
  Just another set of emotions to be stuck down inside, so far down that I didn't feel the pain anymore. I didn't feel remorse or the regret anymore.
• 3:46
  So on and off again, you know, relationships, failed relationships. I decided to go back to church. The only church I knew to go back to from when I was younger, when I would go with my dad, I decided to give my heart to the Lord. It was about that same time my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
• 4:09
  We were able to read together, pray together. She was able to accept the Lord as her Savior. I totally believe she was saved. However, the healing we prayed for did not come. She ended up passing away when I was 23. I was hurt. I was confused. I didn't know why.
• 4:36
  her physical healing didn't happen after we prayed for it. Did I not have enough faith? Did she not have enough faith? You know, the typical questions you ask yourself. However, not realizing at 23
• 4:53
  that the Lord had different plans, and she did receive the ultimate healing. That is our end goal, to be with Jesus. However, I was angry, hurt, so I ran away to what I...
• 5:08
  was familiar with my old lifestyle back to the darkness. That was once my life. Um, it's that way for years along the way I met my husband, um, ended up getting married into an instant family, two boys. Um, wife was up and down, a lot of trials, tribulations, um, including my husband's infidelity. Um,
• 5:37
  However, we decided to stay together and work on our marriage. We also decided to recommit our lives to the Lord. The Lord was faithful and He restored our marriage. It is better today than it has been.
• 5:57
  I was approaching probably my mid-30s, and I wanted a child of my own. After being married for probably seven years, I wanted one desperately of my own. So I prayed really hard and I knew I only had
• 6:18
  So much fun saved for three rounds of fertility treatments. And the first came and went nothing. Second came and went nothing. But the third...
• 6:30
  after praying and praying the word over me and just being faithful and trusting. I'm like, Lord, I know this is the last time, but I'm trusting you that, you know, if it doesn't happen, then I'm still choosing you. Um, I refused to run away again. Um, and I was blessed with a miracle baby girl.
• 6:54
  who is now eight years old and spunky. But our roots are so deep and intertwined within us. Believe it or not that we're like the trees in our root system. We have a water source, a food source, and we still need the sun. So John 6.35 is our source.
• 7:21
  Our daily bread. I am the bread of life. Come every day to me. And you will never be hungry. Believe in me and you will never be thirsty. John 7. 37-38 is our living water. He says. All you thirsty ones. Come to me. Come to me and drink. Believe in me so that rivers of living water. Will burst out. From within you. Flowing from your innermost being.
• 7:51
  And then John 8, 12 is our sun source, Jesus. He says, I am the light of the world. Those who embrace me will experience life-giving light, and they will never walk in darkness. So I encourage you in your time of prayer to look deep within yourself at your roots and ask him,
• 8:20
  What have you not released to the Lord? What have you not cut or proved back yet? What emotion or past hurts so deep within you that you have not yet turned over to the Lord? I just encourage you to seek Him so you can flourish and grow.