Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 067: Exhausted After Stress? Why You Crash and 5 Ways to Recover

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067: Exhausted After Stress? Why You Crash and 5 Ways to Recover · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

0:32
SPEAKER_01: So, are you the woman who stays calm during intense moments?
0:37
SPEAKER_01: A person you want around in a crisis or an emergency, you're able to take care of everybody else and handle what needs to be handled and just keep everything moving.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: I am.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: So if you are, you are my people.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: Then have you ever noticed that maybe three days, three weeks, or even three months later, your body starts to fall apart a bit.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: And maybe you feel the deep exhaustion setting in, or you can't think clearly, you've got some brain fog, or you're not sleeping well, your body starts to ramp up inflammation, it starts to hurt and be stiff, and you just feel more emotional or irritable or anxious or even just flat without a lot of feeling.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: You might even find yourself wondering, geez, why am I struggling now?
1:29
SPEAKER_01: The worst part's already over, right?
1:31
SPEAKER_01: If you've ever been in this moment, then you know sometimes the woman who looks the calmest in the room is only calm because she's learned a long time ago that somebody has to be.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Now, your body helps you get through those moments.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: It helps you survive the crisis by holding everything together until it believes it's finally safe.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: You're far enough from that, that it can let go and let everything settle in.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: So today we're going to talk about what may be actually happening, why the effects of stress do not always show up immediately, and sometimes how we miss the connections.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: And I want to give you five ways to begin helping your body recover.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: And welcome to Limitless Living, the podcast for women who are ready to feel better, live more fully, and create what comes next without losing themselves in the process.
2:27
SPEAKER_01: And on Thursdays, we talk about wellness and how you can reset.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: We look at the connections between your body, your life experiences, your everyday habits, and the way your nervous system responds to everything you've been doing, everything you've been carrying.
2:43
SPEAKER_01: Today we are talking about something I've experienced personally and witnessed in countless women over the years.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: It's what happens when you have to remain strong throughout a crisis, but your body begins struggling later after that crisis has passed.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: Now, you might be a woman who's listening to this, and maybe it's been years that you've been stuck in this holding it together mode, maybe caring for a sick parent or a spouse or just struggling in some way.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: Maybe someone you love died, and you were the person making the arrangements, contacting the family, handling all the paperwork, or making sure everyone else was okay.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've raised several children while you were working at the same time, managing a home and trying to keep some part of yourself intact and from falling completely apart.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you are the woman listening to this whose marriage has ended, or job has ended, or a business, a relationship, even a dream you believed would be part of your future.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: And maybe your crisis was not even one that was enormous.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was not an enormous event, but it was just an onslaught of constant, smaller demands with constant stress and no real pause between them.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: When we are in the middle of something difficult or we're in an endless stream of difficult, we often do what we have to do.
4:16
SPEAKER_01: We make the phone calls, we go to work, we show up for our children, we sit at the hospital or the nursing homes, we care for our clients, we take care of our business obligations, we pay the bills, we solve the next problem, whatever it is.
4:32
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we do that so well that other people begin telling us how strong we are.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: But meanwhile, our bodies may still be carrying all the effects from all of this and what we've been through and what we've been doing.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, we're strong.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: However, it's taking a toll.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: Now, I know a little something about this.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: I went through a lot of years of this with caretaking and later a lot of issues with my body.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: It's part of how my limitless reset method was born.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: Now, all of these effects, they often do not appear immediately.
5:10
SPEAKER_01: Stress does not always look like you're falling apart in the middle of the event.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it looks like becoming extremely capable in the middle of the event.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: You focus, you organize, you take action, you know, you stop noticing your own hunger, your fatigue, push through, keep going even though you have pain, or maybe you're not even noticing it, or your emotions.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: You just don't deal with your emotions because those things do not feel like they hold the priority right now.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Your body is trying to help you meet the moment by carrying you through that way.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: So is your mind, so is your emotional state and your nervous system.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: Then the immediate danger or the crisis or the long-term whatever it is gets a little better.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: And the danger as our bodies feel it, it passes.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: The funeral's over, or the person comes home from the hospital, the children return to school, or are all grown up, and you no longer have to manage everything.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: Maybe your business problems get resolved, or your divorce is finalized finally, and everyone else begins moving forward, and that's when you crash.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: Your body finally feels like it has enough room to show you what it could not fully express while you were surviving the situation.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: That does not mean every illness or symptom or flair is caused by stress.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: Health conditions are complicated.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: We've got genetics and infections and hormones, lifestyle, environment, nutrition, exposures, all kinds of different things, medications.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: There are just so many factors that can be involved.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: That's true.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: But stress affects pretty much all situations.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: It has been proven to be a factor in almost everything.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Can affect your body in terms of sleep and muscle tension and digestion, pain, energy, moods, breathing, and immune and inflammatory processes can flare because you're under stress.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: It can also aggravate conditions that are already present or even contribute to triggering something that's been there, but not really been fully noticeable yet.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden it takes bloom.
7:40
SPEAKER_01: I have experienced this.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Research has found associations between childhood adversity and some autoimmune diseases later in life.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Again, I've experienced this.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: I've not just seen this with clients, I've experienced it and lived it.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: But association does not prove that one caused the other.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: The evidence is still evolving, and each person's health story is definitely different.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: Your health story could be different.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: And this distinction really does matter to me because I never want to tell anybody that you created your illness by being stressed or by not dealing with your emotions correctly.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: This is not what this show is about.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: That is not fair, accurate, or helpful for you, for me, for anyone.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: You are not sick because you failed to think positively enough, and you're not experiencing symptoms because you did healing wrong.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: But your life experiences can absolutely be one part of your health story.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: And that part deserves attention.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: So I sometimes wonder how much my own health history may connect to what happened when I was six and where it began.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: And I have a long list of things I could bring onto the show.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: I would never say that one event caused every health problem I've ever developed.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: There is a history of autoimmune illness in my family.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: There are genetic predispositions.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: There are many possible contributing factors.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: But the timing has always made me curious.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: When I was six, my dad died suddenly.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: My mother was still recovering from cancer.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: She had already experienced more loss than most people could ever imagine, and was suddenly left with me, a farm, our horses and ponies, and a life she had not expected to be managing all alone.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: So back then, of course, adults did not always talk to children.
9:28
SPEAKER_01: You've heard me talk about this before if you've been following the podcast.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: I've mentioned that, and that was kind of the beginning of things.
9:34
SPEAKER_01: Back then, adults didn't always talk to children about death the way we are more likely to do today.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: It was not because they didn't want to or were intentionally being cruel or neglectful.
9:45
SPEAKER_01: They were grieving themselves, and many of them truly believe that children should be protected from difficult conversations.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing children still know that something is wrong.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: I remember gradually realizing, mostly on my own, that my daddy was not coming home ever.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: The adults around me were caught in their own grief.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: There's no blame here.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: It just was a situation and the way it was.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: There were people who cared deeply about me, but I did not necessarily receive what I needed in the way I needed it.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever felt like that growing up?
10:21
SPEAKER_01: So I began trying to understand it on my own.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: Six years old, remember.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: I watched my mother break down.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: I watched her cry and scream and question God and tell my daddy in heaven that she did not know how she could do this alone.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: And then I watched her pull herself back together and begin figuring it out.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: And I learned to do something similar.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: I held it together.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: In fact, it took me two years to finally cry.
10:45
SPEAKER_01: Once I started, around the age of eight, I couldn't seem to stop.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: It was as though everything that had been sitting quietly inside me finally found somewhere to go.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: Around those years, my health also became increasingly difficult.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: Up until then, not so much.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: Eventually, I became sick enough that I had to be placed on what was called homebound tutoring.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: This was long before we had homeschooling, like we have it in today's world.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: A teacher came to my home for one hour a week in each of my four main subjects: English, math, science, and social studies.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: That was it.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: I received the lesson, got the assignments, and then had to figure out much of my learning on my own.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: I think that experience is one of the reasons I became such an insatiable learner.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: So in actuality, this has become a gift for me throughout my lifetime.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: But I learned very young how to find information.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: And we didn't have internet back then.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: Remember, you had to get up and change the TV channel on your black and white TV.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: But I learned very young to find information, make connections, read, research, be curious, and teach myself what I needed to understand.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: That ability again became such a strength in my life.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: But strengths often have another side.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: Learning to figure out everything on my own also helped create the woman who can overdo, overfunction, and carry more than she should.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: And here's the thing: both things can be true at the same time.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: And experience can help you develop resilience while also creating a pattern that later becomes utterly exhausting.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Now, a few years after my dad died, I developed asthma.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Again, there is a family and genetic predisposition there.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Stress did not manufacture the asthma from nothing.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: And I cannot say exactly what caused mine to develop when it did, but I didn't have it until that point.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: Today, we do know that stress can aggravate asthma symptoms and that becoming frightened during an asthma attack can make breathing feel even more difficult.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: I remember being in the car with my mother during some of those attacks, especially the early ones.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: We were in an old Ford Maverick, for those of you old enough to remember those.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: She would be driving me to the hospital and absolutely terrified.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: She had lost my father suddenly.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: She had lost a 17-year-old son before I was born suddenly.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: She had lost her first husband.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: She had lost her first husband, and she had experienced a very, very long list of losses and traumas.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: So by then, I had become her reason to live, her reason to keep going in the world.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: So during an asthma attack, she would look at me and be petrified because, of course, you know, asthma's pretty serious and can be life-threatening.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: And we'd be in the car and she would be just like this.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: She'd be like, Are you okay?
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Are you okay?
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Can you breathe?
13:59
SPEAKER_01: Are you going to be okay?
14:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what I would do without you.
14:01
SPEAKER_01: I couldn't live without you.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Are you okay?
14:03
SPEAKER_01: She was saying these things quickly, one after another, while I was trying to breathe.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: Now you can picture the energy in that car.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: No pressure there for a child, right?
14:16
SPEAKER_01: I can laugh about this now and I understand what was happening.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: She was not trying to frighten me.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: She was frightened and she was trying to check on me.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: She loved me.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: She needed me and was terrified that she was going to lose another person she loved.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: But somewhere inside of me, I realized that if I became as frightened as she was, it would be even harder for me to breathe.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: So there I was, a child in the passenger seat, trying to slow my breathing, regulate myself, and exercise mind over matter while I was also trying to calm my mother.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: And I'd be saying as calmly as I could, Mom, so it's oh gay.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be fine.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: It was kind of like that, really.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: I was trying to regulate, breathe slowly, calculatedly.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I'm talking like nine years old, 10 years old, 12 years old.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: And it, and I laugh about this now.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: I mean, and again, this cultivated both a strength and a weakness in me, or a challenge in me, we'll say.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: And you can see where some of my ability to remain calm during emergencies came from.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm your girl during emergencies.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: You can see where my ability to hold space for other people began.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: Now that calmness is real.
15:53
SPEAKER_01: It's one of my absolute strengths.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: But it did not necessarily begin because I always felt safe.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: Part of it began because I learned that someone needed to become the calm one, and that someone was often me.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: Now, many of the qualities we are praised for, they also began as ways that we had to adapt.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: You may be highly organized because chaos once felt uncomfortable or dangerous in your world.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: You might be incredibly independent because depending on other people often led to disappointment.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you are the peacemaker because conflicts in your home just felt unbearable.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you developed your tendency to be the caretaker because being needed helped you feel secure.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: You may stay calm during emergencies because everyone around you became more frightened when you showed fear.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: These qualities are not fake and they are not bad.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: They may be some of the best parts of you, but they can also become exhausting when you are no longer choosing them and you can't turn them off.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: Being capable is a strength.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: Believing you must always be the capable one is a burden.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: Do you see the difference?
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Holding space for someone is a gift.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Never having a space where you can put down what you've been holding is a problem.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: I have spent decades studying the connections between our stories, our bodies and habits, our stress responses and health.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: And this is exactly why I do not look at a woman with separate issues, separate problems.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: Instead, I look at a woman as a whole puzzle with all these pieces that need to be assembled to be whole again because they all matter.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: They all connect.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: I do not care whether I am helping you with your business, your wellness, or figuring out what comes next for you in life.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm always listening for the patterns and looking for the connections.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: I do this with myself, I do this with my family, I do this with my clients.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't it be amazing if more doctors looked at us as a whole person?
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Boy, what a world that would be.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Now, when I'm doing this, I'm looking at you and I'm thinking, what have you lived through?
18:41
SPEAKER_01: What are you carrying right now?
18:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm recognizing these things.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: What have you learned to override?
18:49
SPEAKER_01: What are you operating on automatic?
18:52
SPEAKER_01: How do you feel safe?
18:56
SPEAKER_01: What do you do when you feel guarded?
19:01
SPEAKER_01: Do you ever let your guard down?
19:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at all of these things and helping you look at these things.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: And where does your body seem to be asking for something?
19:13
SPEAKER_01: What is it asking for?
19:15
SPEAKER_01: Because all of these things connect you as the whole person.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: And when we address them, that's when we start to really see bigger leaps in healing.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: Now, I would love to tell you that everyone can remain fully aware of her body and practice perfect nervous system regulation in the middle of a crisis all the time.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: That is not true.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: It's just not realistic.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: When you're sitting beside someone in a hospital, you're planning a funeral or you're protecting your children or trying to save a business that's struggling or dealing with another serious event, you are doing the best you can with the capacity you have at that moment.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: The best time to build these skills is not during a crisis, it's before the next crisis.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: The second best time is right now.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm guessing you can look back at something you have already experienced and notice what happened afterward.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: And then, if or when life becomes difficult again, you can recognize the signs sooner and have a few ways to support yourself in the moment right away.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: So here are five places for you to begin.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: Step one, notice what your body is doing.
20:28
SPEAKER_01: You may not notice everything during the crisis, but begin noticing as soon as you can.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: Are your shoulders constantly lifted?
20:37
SPEAKER_01: Is your jaw tight?
20:38
SPEAKER_01: Are you holding your breath more?
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Are you clenching your teeth?
20:42
SPEAKER_01: Are your shoulders up at your ears?
20:44
SPEAKER_01: Are you waking during the night?
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Are you exhausted but unable to settle yourself?
20:51
SPEAKER_01: And are you more sensitive to noise or people or demands?
20:57
SPEAKER_01: Are you unusually emotional or do you feel almost nothing?
21:02
SPEAKER_01: How about your digestion?
21:03
SPEAKER_01: Has it changed?
21:05
SPEAKER_01: Are you having more headaches or body pain or flare-ups in your skin?
21:09
SPEAKER_01: What are you turning to right now?
21:11
SPEAKER_01: Are you relying on more caffeine or sugar, maybe alcohol, endless scrolling, or constant busyness to get through the day?
21:21
SPEAKER_01: Do not use this list to diagnose yourself.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: That's not what I intend for this.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Again, this is about curiosity.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: Boy, if you can cultivate one thing in life, it is curiosity.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: It is a wonderful thing.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: Your body's not betraying you with all of these things either.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: Your body's just communicating with you that it's been under more pressure than you may have realized or took the time to notice.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: It can also help you look at timing.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Instead of asking only what is wrong with me, ask what happened in the last few days, weeks, or months.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: Did you experience a loss?
21:57
SPEAKER_01: Did you finish a period of caregiving?
21:59
SPEAKER_01: Did you complete a demanding project or have a child move out?
22:04
SPEAKER_01: Have some major life change, leave a job, retire, or just finally get through something that required you to remain strong for a while.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: The exhaustion may be arriving now because this is the first time your system has had room enough to acknowledge it.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: Now, step two give the activation somewhere to go.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: Stress creates physical activation.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: Simply telling yourself to calm down just may not be enough.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: In fact, it's likely going to have the opposite effect.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: Give your body a safe way to move some of the energy that it's holding on to.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: Taking a walk works.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Ideally, outside nature, it really works the best.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: Stretching, shaking yourself, just shaking your arms, your hands, your legs, your limbs, just shaking.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: That actually moves energy.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Looks silly, feels silly at first, but is wonderful.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Move your body gently.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: Tai Chi, yoga.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: Cry if you need to cry.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: If crying comes, let it out.
23:13
SPEAKER_01: It's moving energy.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Pray.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: Journal.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: Talk with someone who can listen without immediately telling you what to do.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: How about breath work?
23:25
SPEAKER_01: Breath work is something you do anytime, anywhere, immediately.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: Breathing in gently through your nose, slowly, fully, pausing, allowing your exhale to then be a little bit longer than your inhale, breathing out through your mouth, not forcing an enormous breath necessarily, especially if you've got asthma or breathing difficulties.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: But the goal is to be comfortable, unforced, but deeper.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: Releasing.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: You might breathe in for a count of three and out for a count of four or five.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: If that feels uncomfortable, stop and return to your normal breath.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: This is not about performing regulation perfectly, but I am a big fan about learning to use breath because you could be standing in the grocery store, checkout line, it could be taking too long, or the person next to you is irritating and you're getting irritated and your energy is changing.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: And if you just simply practice the breath, you can bring yourself back into regulation.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: So learning to breathe is really a biggie.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: It's about giving some of what you have been holding a safe way to move through you.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes release is going to look like tears or it'll look like movement.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's going to look like finally saying out loud, like, oh my God, that was really hard.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: That just sucked.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Really.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: I've had it.
24:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm over it.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: And here's step three: give your body cues that the immediate danger has passed.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: The stressful event might be over, but your body may still be acting as though the next emergency is about to arrive.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: Give it simple, repeated experiences of safety.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: Drinking enough water might not seem like that would be one of the things that would make your body feel safe, but it is.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Your body needs it.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: And it knows when you are nourishing it and giving it what it needs and helps to self-regulate.
25:22
SPEAKER_01: Eating something that's genuinely nourishing to your body.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Now, this could be warm soup, a stew, protein, and vegetables, or a meal that just feels both comforting and physically supportive.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: And yes, sometimes comfort food is macaroni and cheese.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Go for the homemade, though.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: I am not suggesting that you live on something like macaroni and cheese for the next month.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying that food can be both nourishing and comforting.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: And those qualities do not have to be separated.
25:54
SPEAKER_01: Hold a warm cup of tea in your hands.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: Sit under a cozy, comfortable blanket.
26:00
SPEAKER_01: Step outside, let the sun hit you and feel the warmth and healing nature of it.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: Put your bare feet in the grass if that feels good and the environment is safe.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: Reduce some of the noise around you.
26:13
SPEAKER_01: All of these things are grounding.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: All these things are nurturing.
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Turn off the television and put down the phone.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: Step away from technology, step away from people who constantly create more tension.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: Place one hand on your chest and another one on your abdomen.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Feel the support of the chair or bed underneath you.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Look around, remind yourself where you are, and then you might quietly say, I am here.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: This moment is different.
26:45
SPEAKER_01: I do not have to solve everything right now.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: Safety is not always one big, giant, dramatic breakthrough.
26:53
SPEAKER_01: In fact, it's often built through these small little signals that you repeat often enough to your body until it begins believing them.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: Now, step four is delay unnecessary decisions.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: When you've been through something really major, you don't need to solve every secondary problem immediately.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: Being capable does not mean you must handle every tiny decision while your system is still completely activated or deeply exhausted.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself, does this need to be decided today?
27:25
SPEAKER_01: Would waiting 24 hours, 72 hours, three months hurt anything?
27:32
SPEAKER_01: Do I have enough information about this?
27:34
SPEAKER_01: Am I making this decision because it is right or because I desperately want the discomfort to stop?
27:42
SPEAKER_01: There are times when a decision truly cannot wait.
27:46
SPEAKER_01: Many decisions actually can.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: So many.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: After a death or a divorce or a health crisis, you know, business loss, a prolonged period of caregiving, one of the hardest things you can go through.
27:59
SPEAKER_01: Try not to make additional life-changing decisions immediately, unless you absolutely, genuinely need to.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: You do not have to move, sell everything, end every relationship, change careers, or reinvent your life during the same week.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: Give your body and your mind some time to come out of the emergency mode.
28:20
SPEAKER_01: You may see your options very differently once you are rested, once you are supported and re-regulated.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: Step five: allow recovery without making yourself earn it.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: This may be the hardest one for women who are used to being the capable person.
28:37
SPEAKER_01: Rest is not a reward you receive after you have handled everything perfectly.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: Rest is part of completing the experience.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: Your body does not need to be productive all the time, and you do not need a productivity report before you allow it to recover.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: You do not have to prove that you are exhausted enough to pause.
28:59
SPEAKER_01: You do not have to wait until you become physically unable to continue.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: You do not have to finish every item on the list before you lie down, take a walk, book the appointment, sit quietly, or ask someone else to take over for a while.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: Recovery may include sleep, but it's not limited to sleep.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: It may also mean that you need fewer demands.
29:24
SPEAKER_01: It might mean saying no, and I will say this as I say it all the time, no is a complete sentence.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: It might mean receiving massage or body work, energy work.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: It might mean spending time outside.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: It might mean seeing a doctor, counselor, therapist, hiring a coach, or another qualified professional, allowing someone to care for you.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it simply means admitting, whew, I got through it.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: But it definitely affected me.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: That sentence can be the beginning of your healing.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: And I want to talk about when to get additional help.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: Don't assume that every new physical symptom is caused by stress.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: Stress can contribute to your symptoms and aggravate existing conditions, and I believe be a contributor to conditions bubbling up.
30:18
SPEAKER_01: But it is not a substitute diagnosis.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: New, severe, persistent, or worsening symptoms should definitely be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: And if you're experiencing anything like chest pain or severe difficulty breathing, fainting, signs of a stroke or thoughts of harming yourself or another possible emergency, seek immediate medical care.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: If grief, anxiety, traumatic memories or emotional numbness are interfering with your ability to function, sometimes the best thing you can do is see a qualified mental health professional.
30:55
SPEAKER_01: Regardless of how you choose to receive support, whether it's from a friend, a qualified professional, a coach, it doesn't matter.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: It does not mean you are weak.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: It means you no longer have to be the only person holding everything.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: When people come into my wellness center, Saj Wellness and Beyond, many of them arrive carrying far more than muscle tension.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: They are dealing with grief, caregiving, ongoing stress, relationship challenges, all sorts of health concerns and business pressure and family responsibilities and lives that rarely give them a moment to pause.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: And some of them do not have anywhere else they feel safe enough to lower their guard and exhale.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: One of the most important things I and my team offer is not simply a service, it's space.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: We hold space.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: We create a calm environment where someone else can take care of them, even if it's just for a little while.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: I bring that same intention into all of my coaching, my programs, retreats, and conversations.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: Whether we are discussing business or wellness or identity, it doesn't matter what it is.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: I want women to have a space where they don't have to perform strength every minute.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: You're allowed to be capable and need care.
32:17
SPEAKER_01: You're allowed to be the calm one and admit that something frightened you.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: You're also allowed to support other people and still need some support yourself.
32:28
SPEAKER_01: In fact, you'll be able to support other people better by having support yourself.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: You're allowed to get through a crisis and then take the time you need to recover from it afterwards.
32:40
SPEAKER_01: So before we close, think about a difficult period that you might have experienced.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was recent or maybe it happened years ago.
32:48
SPEAKER_01: I want you to ask yourself, what did I have to hold together during that time?
32:54
SPEAKER_01: What did my body begin doing during or after that experience?
33:02
SPEAKER_01: What emotions did I not have room to feel?
33:06
SPEAKER_01: What helped me feel safe, supported, or cared for?
33:12
SPEAKER_01: What might my body still need from me now?
33:16
SPEAKER_01: Now, you don't have to analyze your entire past and uncover every painful memory today.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: Please don't do that.
33:22
SPEAKER_01: Just become a little more curious about the connection between what you have lived through and what your body may be trying to manage.
33:30
SPEAKER_01: Curiosity is very different from blame.
33:33
SPEAKER_01: I want to add that.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: You are looking backwards so you can understand yourself with more compassion and make different choices moving forward.
33:45
SPEAKER_01: If this conversation speaks to you, I would love to have you join my free Facebook community, Limitless Living for Women Who Are Becoming.
33:53
SPEAKER_01: It's a place for honest conversations about wellness and identity and business and life transitions and simply becoming the woman you are ready to be next.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: You can find the link in the show notes or visit Fredericadavis.com.
34:06
SPEAKER_01: You can connect with my wellness center at massagewellnessandbeyond.com or find me on Facebook and just say hello.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: And if you know a woman who has been holding everything together for everyone else, please send her this episode.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: She may need the reminder that being strong does not mean being unaffected.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: She may also need to hear she is allowed to stop.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: Exhale.
34:32
SPEAKER_01: Let someone else hold space for her too.
34:34
SPEAKER_01: Until next time, be rooted, be resilient, and be limitless.