Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #410 Best Of - Playful Parenting

Transcript

#410 Best Of - Playful Parenting · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Gooday. This is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of six.
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  Speaker 2: Books about raising happy families and the founder of happy
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  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. Here with Kylie, my wife,
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  Speaker 2: podcast co host and mum to our six daughters, we
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  Speaker 2: are sharing with you podcast conversations that matter.
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  Speaker 1: We think that this one is going to be really important.
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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 3: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
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  Speaker 3: once answers mew.
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  Speaker 1: Margin means that there's room around the.
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  Speaker 2: Edges for you to do the stuff that lights you up,
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  Speaker 2: that's playful, that's fun, that brings you joy.
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  Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 3: and dad.
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  Speaker 1: What's your favorite game in the car?
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  Speaker 3: I don't have a favorite game in the car.
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  Speaker 1: I like to eat in the car. Is that why
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  Speaker 1: there's always crumbs everything?
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  Speaker 3: I like to sing?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, singing is good.
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  Speaker 2: Singing is fun. Singing is playful. What about I spy though?
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  Speaker 2: Surely like I spy?
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  Speaker 3: Don't get me started with I spy.
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  Speaker 1: You don't like to play though, do you?
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  Speaker 3: It doesn't come very naturally to me, if that's what
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  Speaker 3: you're asking.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So this is something that I've discovered as I
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  Speaker 2: watch parents actually, so we should introduce ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: For those who are new to the podcast, I'm justin French.
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  Speaker 2: I've written six books about raising happy families, and you are.
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  Speaker 3: I'm Kylie. I missus happy family.
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  Speaker 1: Who doesn't like to play games.
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  Speaker 3: Oh you're hilarious.
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  Speaker 1: Actually you do like playing games, but I do.
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  Speaker 3: I love playing Quirkle and I love playing Blockers. They're
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  Speaker 3: all bright colors. I love.
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  Speaker 1: The competitive You like to destroy our children self esteem.
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  Speaker 3: And demolishing so bad.
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  Speaker 2: So today we're talking about playful households because something that
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  Speaker 2: I've noticed about parents is that we don't often look
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  Speaker 2: like we're having fun when we're with our kids. When
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  Speaker 2: you watch parents in the shopping and it's probably unfair
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  Speaker 2: because shops.
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  Speaker 1: Kids hate shops.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know any parent who loves taking their kids
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  Speaker 3: to the shops.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know any child who likes going to the shops.
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  Speaker 2: And that's that's the kind of the reason that was unfair.
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  Speaker 2: But even at the park, a lot of parents look bored.
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  Speaker 2: They don't want to be with their kids, and I reckon,
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  Speaker 2: we need to talk about how to have fun, how
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  Speaker 2: to have a more playful family environment.
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  Speaker 3: Well that all sounds really you know dandy, but the
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  Speaker 3: reality is life's hard. I just think about the person
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  Speaker 3: who comes home, whether it's mum or dad or both.
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  Speaker 3: You've been at work all day and you get home
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  Speaker 3: and you just want to have a few minutes of downtime.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and with COVID you don't even get that because
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  Speaker 2: coming home means leaving the study and walking into the
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  Speaker 2: living room. There's no time to decompress like it's on.
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  Speaker 3: And then every single person, whether it be your spouse
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  Speaker 3: or your partner or your children, everybody wants a piece
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  Speaker 3: of you. And you just want to decompress after the
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  Speaker 3: day that you've had, and you know, compartmentalize everything, and
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  Speaker 3: you don't get that. And so how are you supposed
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  Speaker 3: to be playful with all of that?
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  Speaker 2: I was going to say, it is hard to be
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  Speaker 2: playful because not only have you got to try to
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  Speaker 2: find the ability to smile and joke around and have
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  Speaker 2: a nice time with people, but you're also juggling this
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  Speaker 2: really significant issue of the cooking needs to be done,
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  Speaker 2: the cleaning needs to be done, and everything needs to
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  Speaker 2: be ready for tomorrow, and there's loads of washing to
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  Speaker 2: put on or take out of the dryer. So there's
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  Speaker 2: a lot going on, and yet we know that kids
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  Speaker 2: who have high quality playtime with their parents are more resilient,
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  Speaker 2: they learn better boundaries, they have a higher level of
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  Speaker 2: connectedness and relatedness. Being playful at home is one of
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  Speaker 2: the easiest things that we can do to build connection.
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  Speaker 2: Fill the relationship bucket full of water, that gorgeous stuff
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  Speaker 2: that makes everyone feel so good about life.
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  Speaker 1: And I reckon, as hard as it is, and we
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  Speaker 1: should acknowledge.
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  Speaker 2: That as you have, it's really important for parents to
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  Speaker 2: get reminders regularly to be playful. So I reckon, we
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  Speaker 2: should have a conversation about how we can be more playful.
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  Speaker 2: And there's three things that I think we need.
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  Speaker 3: Number One, margin, Oh really, what's margin?
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  Speaker 2: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you
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  Speaker 2: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,
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  Speaker 2: that's fun, that brings you joy.
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  Speaker 1: So we need margin margin. What's your point?
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  Speaker 2: I feel like you're kind of digging the knife in
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  Speaker 2: a passive aggressive way and trying.
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  Speaker 1: To injure me here.
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  Speaker 3: What's maybe? What are you saying, I'm sure everyone else
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  Speaker 3: will work it out. What are you saying, come on,
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  Speaker 3: I don't think we have a lot of margin in
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  Speaker 3: our lives.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so six Kids Business podcast blah blah blah blah blah.
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  Speaker 1: But we can still have a sense of time affluence,
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  Speaker 1: can't we.
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  Speaker 3: Sure if you follow me while you have a conversation
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  Speaker 3: as I clean the house and the washing.
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  Speaker 2: Help with that thing you So the first thing is margin,
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  Speaker 2: and I reckon we need to be really intentional about that,
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  Speaker 2: which is the second thing. Margin requires intention. So if
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  Speaker 2: we're going to be playful with our kids, we have
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  Speaker 2: to be intentional about not just being playful, but intentional
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  Speaker 2: about creating the margin so that we've got the headspace
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  Speaker 2: to play without being stressed and saying, oh, for goodness, sex,
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  Speaker 2: we haven't got time for this.
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  Speaker 1: Got a bit.
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  Speaker 3: So I'm going to ask you a question then, around
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  Speaker 3: that intention. Did you feel very playful when the roof
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  Speaker 3: fell in?
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  Speaker 2: Well, there are times to be playful, and there are
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  Speaker 2: times to pick up the damage that's caused by a
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  Speaker 2: bath that has overflowed into the TV room downstairs and
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  Speaker 2: cause the selling.
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  Speaker 3: Life is hard and whether it's the ceiling caving in,
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  Speaker 3: there is stuff going on all the time, and his
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  Speaker 3: parents it can be really really hard to find the
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  Speaker 3: right mindset.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so two things about that though.
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  Speaker 2: First of all, people's roofs don't fall in every day,
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  Speaker 2: even metaphorically. And secondly, we have started laughing about it
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  Speaker 2: now that we're a few days down the track and
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  Speaker 2: we've realized that it's only going to cost a couple
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  Speaker 2: of thousand dollars and not the jillion dollars that we
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  Speaker 2: thought it was going to be. Even though that's a
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  Speaker 2: horrible thing to have to go through, we're at the
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  Speaker 2: point now where we can geel about it and it's funny.
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  Speaker 2: The third thing we need if we're going to have
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  Speaker 2: a playful household is margin, intention, and mindset. We've actually
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  Speaker 2: got to have the mindset that life is fun, that
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  Speaker 2: life is to be enjoyed, and that our family relationships
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  Speaker 2: can be playful and enjoyable. Now. I don't think that
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  Speaker 2: sarcasm is playful. I think sarcasm is usually rude and unkind.
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  Speaker 2: But we can be playful in our relationships with the
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  Speaker 2: right margin, the right mindset, and the right intention.
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  Speaker 1: Let's talk about what that looks like in practice. Right
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  Speaker 1: after the break, it's the Happy Families podcast.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The Do's and don'ts
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: dot com dot a u slash shop.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now. And today we
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: are talking about what a playful household looks like. And
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  Speaker 3: I've been thinking about this and thinking about our Mother's
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  Speaker 3: Day disaster, and I'm wondering whether or not you could
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  Speaker 3: have actually invited everybody down so they could have had
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  Speaker 3: a water fight. That would have been playful, that would have.
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  Speaker 2: Been breathtakingly playful. I wish that I'd done that. See
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  Speaker 2: now I'm feeling bad for being a big grump and saying,
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  Speaker 2: Mother's I ruined because somebody's flooded the bathroom and the
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  Speaker 2: rest of the house.
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  Speaker 3: Hindsight is a wonderful thing, is it not.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.
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  Speaker 2: But it's also a great opportunity to learn to be better.
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  Speaker 2: So next time we do flood the house, we'll have
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  Speaker 2: a lot of fight. Okay, that's my promise to you.
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  Speaker 2: I'll replay something to you you ready, Oh hi.
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  Speaker 5: There and welcome to Minnesota. Salads that aren't really salads.
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  Speaker 5: Today's ingredients for snicker salad. That's right in Minnesota, Snickers
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  Speaker 5: and apples can make a salad. I never said it
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  Speaker 5: was healthy. If you want to make the salad extra
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  Speaker 5: Minnesotan use honeycrisp apples, which were developed at the University
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  Speaker 5: of Minnesota in nineteen sixty makes one package of vanilla
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  Speaker 5: pudding into one cup of buttermilk. Quis Chop eight apples.
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  Speaker 1: Add your chopped apples to the pudding.
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  Speaker 5: Lots of recipes say to take the skins off, but
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  Speaker 5: I say leave them on, because where else are we
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  Speaker 5: getting fiber in our diet. Chop your snickers? How many
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  Speaker 5: snickers you ask? Measure that with your heart fold in
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  Speaker 5: at least one top of cool, but if you have
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  Speaker 5: two many apples, you'll need two tops. And there you
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  Speaker 5: have it, Snickers salad. And yes, I also use milky
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  Speaker 5: way because I think it tastes like a coramel apple.
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  Speaker 5: When it's all done, it does.
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  Speaker 1: Sound like fun. A Snicker's salad.
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  Speaker 3: That sounds like I've got Cinderella in.
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  Speaker 1: My kitchen, so better? How playful? Right? How much fun?
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  Speaker 1: You know what?
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  Speaker 2: I really loved on Instagram in the last week or so,
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  Speaker 2: maybe the last two weeks. Hamish Blake, He's got this
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  Speaker 2: tradition and it's brilliant. It's not as crazy, scary horrible
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  Speaker 2: as a Minnesota salad that snickers and apples with extra
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  Speaker 2: fiber if you leave the skin on.
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  Speaker 1: What is going on there?
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  Speaker 2: But Hamish Blake made a commitment to one of his
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  Speaker 2: kids that every single year he would bake that child
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  Speaker 2: whatever cake he wanted.
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  Speaker 3: He clearly doesn't have six children, No he doesn't, and
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  Speaker 3: he has two, but he promised that he would bake
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  Speaker 3: the cake for the birthday every single year, whatever cake
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  Speaker 3: the kid wants.
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  Speaker 2: And this year the cake took Hamish. He created this
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  Speaker 2: pokemon thing that opens and closes. It does so manually,
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  Speaker 2: and it's in a bowl of jelly, and there's cake,
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  Speaker 2: and there's there's just stuff everywhere. He was up until
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  Speaker 2: one am. He started at seven pm, finished at one am,
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  Speaker 2: consumed a surprising him ount of alcohol while he was
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  Speaker 2: doing it to get through the night.
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  Speaker 1: I think, but I just thought, here's this guy.
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  Speaker 2: Now obviously he's a comedian and everyone in Australia knows
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  Speaker 2: Hamish Blake is he's one of our most loved comedians
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  Speaker 2: and he's also clearly a really devoted that and if
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  Speaker 2: you follow on Instagram you'd see that. But we talk
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  Speaker 2: about playfulness, and if you go through those three things
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  Speaker 2: that I was talking about, margin, Hamish Blake has created
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  Speaker 2: the margin that he needs to bake the cake every
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  Speaker 2: single year, no matter what it takes. Intention He's really
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  Speaker 2: intentional about being playful. And third, he's got a mindset
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  Speaker 2: that says, I'm here for my kids and I want
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  Speaker 2: their lives to be joy and fun. Now that that
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  Speaker 2: takes the cake, can I say.
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  Speaker 3: That You're so bad? So bad?
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  Speaker 2: But what I love about that story is that all
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  Speaker 2: of us can do our own version of that in
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  Speaker 2: our homest and have to involve ovens and icing mixture
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  Speaker 2: and Pokemon or anything like that.
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  Speaker 3: But I'd like to see you take that one on.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to bake a cake this weekend. Okay, let's see.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's going to be fancy. It's going
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  Speaker 1: to come straight out of a packet.
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  Speaker 2: But I'll bake a cake just to prove that I can,
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  Speaker 2: and then I'm going to eat it in front of you.
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  Speaker 1: Oh is that right to.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Prove that I can baker cake, I might share some
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  Speaker 2: of it with you. So let's talk about some ways
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  Speaker 2: that we can be playful in our homes.
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  Speaker 1: What do you reckon? Well, look, you've set me up to.
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  Speaker 3: Be the unplayful person in our family.
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  Speaker 2: Well, okay, let me ask you a question, then prove
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  Speaker 2: me wrong. When was the last time that you played
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  Speaker 2: any kind of wrestling game with the kids.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not going to wrestle with the kids. Do you
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  Speaker 3: know how much I'm spending with my exercise physiologist to
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: get my neck and shoulders or.
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  Speaker 1: Back to normal.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, they told me I had a cheeseboard for a back.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I rest my case a cheeseboard for a bit.
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  Speaker 3: I'm supposed to have cheese spine, but I have a
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: cheeseboard spine. Who says that.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. So, but you're not playful because you
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  Speaker 1: don't wrestle the kids, right, No, that's not true. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: tell me when you play with the kids.
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  Speaker 3: Well, we put the music on really loud in the
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  Speaker 3: mornings when you're off gallivanting around the country side, I
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: don't know, surfing or whatever else you do at that
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  Speaker 3: early hour of the morning. We put the music up
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  Speaker 3: really loud, and we dance. You should see Emily's moves awsome.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so, but do you dance or do you just
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: send the musicals also dance?
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  Speaker 3: Where do you think they got their moves from?
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  Speaker 1: Not one of us can dance?
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  Speaker 2: All right, Well that kind of takes care of my
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: first three things that I had on my list.
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  Speaker 1: Music, dancing, and singing. They're great ways for us to
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  Speaker 1: play with our kids.
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  Speaker 3: I rest my case.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, what else have you got on your list for
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  Speaker 1: how we can be more playful?
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  Speaker 3: Look, I think one of the most favorite things that
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: I love doing is when we break the rules.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, tell me more about that.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Well, we have certain rules. The kids go to bed
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  Speaker 3: at seven thirty, We don't watch a TV.
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  Speaker 2: After If they do not, it makes us sound so perfect.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: When was the last time our kids went to bed?
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: At side, I'd say, our kids. I'm just saying, you
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: have rules I've got.
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  Speaker 3: And seven thirty might be a time frame that some
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  Speaker 3: people put their children to bed, or you might you
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: might have a rule that you eat a maine meal
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  Speaker 3: before you have dessert, yes, Or you might have a
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: rule that you don't watch TV on school nights.
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  Speaker 1: Uh, huh.
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  Speaker 3: Anything like, we've all got rules.
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  Speaker 1: And you're seeing you can be more playful if you
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: break the rules.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, How cool is it when your kids come
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  Speaker 3: home from school and you go, you know what, We're
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: going to have a movie night tonight. And I know
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  Speaker 3: we usually eat at the dinner table, but we're going
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: to have dinner in front of the TV.
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  Speaker 2: I'm still going to argue that a movie not's the
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: best way to be playful, but I take your point.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: It's great to do that. One of my favorite ways
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: to be playful is we play this game with the kids.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I know you hate it because it destroys your beautifully
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: made bed every time we play this game called push
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: that off the Bed. It started when our eldest was
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: our only child and she was only a couple of
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: years old and she started trying to push me off
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: the bed one day and that turned into a game,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: and it's been going for twenty years. And I usually
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: get injured. I need to go and see a messoge
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: so to hire a practor of the bed takes an
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: absolute hammering as well. But we pushed that off the
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: bed and then once I'm off the bed, the kids
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: jump on and I've got to get all of them
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  Speaker 2: off the bed at the same time, which is getting increasingly.
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  Speaker 1: Difficult, the older and bigger that they get.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: But playfulness goofing off the intention, the mindset and having
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: the margin for it. These are some ideas that maybe
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: will help your family to be a little more playful tonight.
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  Speaker 3: Well I think we can be really playful tonight if
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: you organized dinner.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll tell you what donuts for dinner.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yes, done, will break the rules and we'll sing
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  Speaker 2: really loud while we're eating them. We really hope you've
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  Speaker 2: enjoyed the podcast. We have so much fun playing around
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: with these ideas and sharing them with you. We will
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: not be talking about Minnesota salads ever.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Again. Snickers and apple should never be combined in the
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: same recipe.
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  Speaker 3: Think that sounds really good, of course you do, just
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: not with donuts.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not going to make that for your cake
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: this weekend. That's a guarantee. Thanks so much for listening Tomorrow.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: A Q and A from one of our listeners via
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot U. Michelle wants
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: to know about how to help her eight year old
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: with some body image issues and I can't wait for
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Wednesday Maggie Dent talking about raising boys. It's going to
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: be a conversation that I'm really really looking forward to.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Maggie's a superstar when it comes to talking about boys,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: and that's.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Coming up then.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. And if
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: you want more info about how to make your family happier,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: we have to do is jump onto Facebook doctor Justin
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Colson's Happy Families or visit our website where you can
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: get all the info you need Happy families dot com
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: dot au