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How Ali Furtwangler Turned Loss into Legacy · The Uplifters

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to The Uplifters podcast, where we support and celebrate The Uplifters among us.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Our guest today is a wonderful example of that.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Allie Furtwangler is a photographer.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: She's also the director of IT at an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: And what Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep does is they send professional photographers like Allie who volunteer to create remembrance portraits for families who have to say goodbye to their babies too soon.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Allie lives with her family in Seattle and today will share with us what it's like to be in these moments of
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Tremendous Loss and to begin the healing journey with families in loss.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Allie, thank you so much for being here today.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for having me.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to share my story and get rid of the taboo around loss.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad you begin there.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: There is a sense of silence that we should not talk about hurt.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: We should not talk about loss and grief and that somehow maybe that will protect us from it and we won't have to experience ourselves.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: We can pretend it doesn't exist.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you're right.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: In talking about it, we give ourselves permission to fully experience it and to move through it as a part of our life experience.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: So Allie, what, is this the worst starting question ever?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: What role does grief play in your story?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it is a key role in my story, honestly.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: My life changed drastically in 2011.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: My husband and I were expecting our first child, and we did everything right by the book.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you want to get everything in line, do all the things, get married, have a house, get healthy, and then have a baby.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's how it goes.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's what the story tells you.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Fairy tales.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, of course, we all know the world is a little bit different and likes to throw some wrenches in the plans and throw curve balls and make sure you're on your toes.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, at our 20 week ultrasound, we found out our son had something called fetal high drops, which is fluid buildup on two or more areas of the body and, um, was not likely to survive.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So two days later, we went in for our standard
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: OB appointment to talk through what the options were and see what was going to happen next, if there was anything we could possibly do to stay optimistic.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And his heart had actually already stopped beating.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we prepared immediately to have him.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so after that, we were able to have a photographer come from Miami down to sleep and take photos.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: My amazing sister-in-law knew of a friend of a coworker, you know, all the way in Washington, DC.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's always so interesting how, you know, you don't realize the impact that even just talking about it with someone can have, because had my sister-in-law not known about that, my course of life would be entirely different.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we were very fortunate that a photographer came, took photos, and we have these beautiful photos hanging in our house and our three lively little ones now, they know their big brother and we celebrate him every year and we honor him.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: daily throughout different actions.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so because of these photos, we were able to truly start healing as a family and being able to openly talk about him.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And because those photos were so impactful to me, I at the time was working as an IT manager at an accounting firm and decided, you know, I wanted to get involved more.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I volunteered with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was an area coordinator helping recruit volunteers because at that point I wasn't a photographer.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was just a lay person who was really passionate about this community that I just joined unexpectedly.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, the group that I did not want to be a part of, but now was.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kept growing in that role of volunteering and just felt it in my heart that it was something that I needed to do to give back, to make sure people who, you know, like me,
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Could Have Gone Without Photos, Not Knowing.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because at that point in 2011, it was still, you know, relatively new.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep was founded in 2005, but it's still catching on, you know, they grew so fast, so quickly.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it's basically the hospitals and parents who have to find it out.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't know, look for something like that.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I volunteered and then one day I was asked if I'd be interested in joining the staff as the volunteer program manager, because I was at that point on the leadership roles.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had just actually decided to step back and leave my career to focus more on my family.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so I didn't know if that was going to be the right choice for our family, but we talked about it and they were giving me an opportunity to be extremely flexible and
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: go based on my own, you know, my own abilities and just feel that need that they had.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started on staff and then realized, okay, now if I'm on staff, I still need to find a way to be able to volunteer because it's still in my heart that I need to be able to give back to this organization that I love so much.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I started my photography journey.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: The volunteers local to me were so kind and wonderful and
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: sharing of their equipment.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: They would give me cameras and tips and advice and the structure of volunteers worldwide is just incredibly uplifting.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean they build each other up.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're some of the best people I know and teach anybody who has it in their heart to you know give back in this very specific way.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Learned enough photography to be able to start my own side business to, you know, just be confident in myself to go in to take these very hard photos, these very meaningful photos that you cannot mess up.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be sure that I was going to be able to do that.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big responsibility because there is just that one moment to capture this image.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to me about the experience of having this photo.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: You say that your children know their older brother and feel a sense of connection to him through this photo.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just like my other three living kids.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I've got pictures of Zachary hanging on the wall.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I can't have photos of him growing up, but every once in a while we do, because I'm a photographer, we do family portraits and then I will add him in as a silhouette.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, we try to incorporate him in different ways.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like there'll be something in photos that has a meaning that, you know, incorporates him.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: These photos, I mean, it's the only tangible thing that you have once your baby is gone.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Every parent in their heart wants to be a proud parent.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: They want to have those, you know, proud mama moments where they can be like, oh yeah, look what my kid did.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't do that when your child is gone.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so being able to show off photos where, oh look, Zachary is still part of our family.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: He's still very much thought of, very much loved.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's just so important for all families, if that's the course of action they want, because everybody grieves so differently.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: But for us, it's been extremely healing and intentional and purposeful and just very positive.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Something we celebrate and look back with with love, not sadness anymore.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: How beautiful.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you said it completely changed your life.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so I hear in there already how you, there was certainly a massive transformation and just going from this image of raising Zachary to the reality of Zachary's very short life.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then the new role that you've taken on within the organization, the community you've connected to, the courage to take on this new role as a photographer and to capture these intimate moments.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: None of this was how you imagined your life playing out.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, definitely not.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you look at your life now, what do you believe about it landing in this very different place?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I am very, very lightly faithful, I will say.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I find that I feel like I've found my purpose, whether it's a God thing, a world giving back to me thing, a karma thing, I don't know.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: It gives me a big sense of peace knowing that I am able to turn Zachary's very sad story and very, very sorrowful beginning into something that is so meaningful and impactful to other people, hopefully.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And creating that legacy, just a legacy of love where he's going to be able to touch other people.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just like, you know, Cheryl, our founder, one of our co-founders, you know, Maddox has made an incredible impact.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: because of everything that Cheryl and her family did to start this organization.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we've had over 70,000 families touched by portrait photography in one way or another.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just, just so amazing to think through how much it's sure it was transformative for me, but even in the smallest ways, it makes a huge impact to the beginning of someone's grief journey.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I think that's such a profound idea too, that it's given not just purpose to your life, but to Zachary's and to each of these children and how each of these stories becomes an access point for more healing.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: So when you were in the room,
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: With these families, they will hear or feel in those moments based on your experience.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I really hope and hope that they just feel what they need, what they hear and feel what they need from me.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: So every family is completely different.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, some families knew that they were going to lose their baby and they've been waiting and preparing for that.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Some families went in to go have a full-term healthy baby and something went wrong at birth.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So every time it's going to be a completely different experience for me and for them.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of, you know, make sure I'm following their lead as to how much I share.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about me.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's never about me.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: So my story, they may never even know about my story or why I'm there.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: But if they start asking questions,
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I feel so grateful that I am able to give them some answers.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had some really touching experiences with families where they've just, you know, been so incredibly gracious and welcoming and, you know, truly glad that I'm there, which is always such an honor.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, we had this deep, meaningful conversation about my loss, their loss, how, you know, now I'm 12 years out, how I can be a light of hope for them.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: that they will get through it, whether it's their first child that they've lost or a kiddo after they've already had living children.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, kind of talk through the different things that I've seen and experienced through meeting with lots of people in the community.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's interesting you use that word community a lot, and we all need it.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I, I sometimes think that maybe the most important thing about The Uplifters and these stories that we share is that we help orient people toward the communities they've been looking for.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so whether it is healing from OCD or a loss of a child or everything beyond and between, there are communities of support out there.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think so often what we are talking to is people who have been beneficiaries and are now believers in communities of support.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you are an ambassador for that in that moment.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: So it seems as though your story would be incredibly meaningful and relevant because we all need hope, but especially in those moments of great loss.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so you can be both a ray of hope and light and an ambassador for community and the support that comes with that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: What has that community of support meant for you in your own healing journey?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's, it's really interesting because especially for a first time mom and losing my first child, in those moments, I didn't have a community.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I felt utterly alone.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have mom's groups even to, to reach out to, you know, now I'm with three lively little ones.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've got tons of mom friends and mom communities and.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Back then I didn't, you know, I hadn't even gotten to a labor support group or any like there was nothing.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I looked for, you know, my local support group system for parents experiencing loss.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a great place for me to start.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I did find some wonderful friends there and then joining organizations that support these missions.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's where I found a lot of my community.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's I think why I felt so.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: so called to volunteer because I was able to talk freely and openly about Zachary and able to help others in that, in that world where in the day to day, you just don't get that opportunity.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think, you know, being able to find the community of parent support and knowing me down to sleep has just been so tremendous because, you know, even though people are, these are people that I'm meeting online.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: many of them in person and one of them I have, but you know, it doesn't have to be a face to face in person, you know, as much as it is wonderful to be able to hug someone, especially when you're getting a little bit emotional.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's even the virtual aspect, which, you know, COVID has taught us all to embrace.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's let us see that there are fewer barriers to connection than maybe we once believed.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: and opened us up to more ways to find our people because before we were limited by our access and our local communities and this just opens up the world.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: So 12 years into this, when you do share your story with mothers who've recently lost a child or fathers who've recently lost a child,
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: What do you try to convey?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think the most important thing to me was to honor your feelings in the moment.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard when you feel the pressures of society trying to tell you to just get on with it, get over it, move on.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're never going to.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't something you just experience and then forget.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: It lives in your heart forever.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to go away.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something you get over.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: But you do learn to grow with it.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you do learn to move forward with how you can grieve through your life in helpful ways.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, just
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: not giving yourself some sort of expectation to have an end date of grief.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And to also know that it's okay to smile and be happy.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think, so I lost my son in November of 2011.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: So that was right in the thick of the holiday season.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like I was an imposter.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was so hard to go to Thanksgiving, Christmas, show up and smile and pretend to be happy.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then I felt horrible because it felt like I was dishonoring my son.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: How could I possibly even remotely smile or pretend to be happy when my son who is still supposed to be growing healthy and happy inside my womb is no longer with me.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that that is an extremely hard thing to get through and just being able to honor those feelings and know that it's okay not to just suck it up.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can excuse yourself.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: People who love you, they'll honor that feeling and they'll support you.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like a lot of new parents going through this just don't.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: They brush it under the rug because they don't know what they're supposed to do.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's no handbook on how to grieve, how to love the child that is no longer here.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: and just giving the permission to do it.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hearing the permission from someone else can be like a weight off your shoulders.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, to normalize that need to feel all of it, to feel sad and happy and confused and disoriented and disappointed.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: and whatever it is, those nuanced emotions that we experience in these times of huge transition.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you're right, this is not one that we get to prepare for.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: There's no right or wrong way to do it.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we do need role models to help us find our peace with our truth.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the other point you're making there that's really important to remember in all types of grief,
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: is that expressing these feelings and being true to what we're experiencing makes the weight less heavy because we don't have to bear it alone.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so by honestly sharing that with others, we let ourselves hold it together.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: What have been your greatest sources of support through this journey?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Finding those people who've gone through similar experiences has been huge.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's really hard to connect with family and friends who haven't had the same experience.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when I lost my son, it immediately took me back to one of my friends who had a miscarriage years before I even started conceiving children.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, all of the things I did wrong and knowing
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I can't believe I was such a complete tool and said these things to her.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you learn a lot, but then also realizing like, okay, give grace to other people because everyone's going to say the wrong thing.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why it is, I guess, important to finding those people who are going through it and do know, because then you can at least talk through the silly things that you can't talk through with people who haven't experienced it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: because they won't get it and they'll feel attacked.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not the intention, obviously.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just sometimes, you know, finding those people, whether it's online, locally.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hospitals often have a lot of information.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, most hospitals, when you go home without a child, they send you home with a lot of papers and a lot of pamphlets and brochures.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't tend to look at those.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: until maybe months later in my case.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when you realize, oh, there actually is some helpful information in there to give you the information about who you can reach out to locally to help you get support.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have anybody locally, find someone online or a therapist who has gone through the grief.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, once I was healed again, after loss, I was ready to have a dedicated therapist just for me to talk to, because
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: The Emotions of Going Through Pregnancy After Loss are just wild.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's an extremely difficult thing to get through.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then adding on the complications of pregnancy, you know, on top of the emotions, it's just wild.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: But having those people that you can trust and talk to, whether they're friends, family, who've gone through it, who haven't, but actually know and recognize they may say the wrong things and are okay being called out on it.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: um you know finding people who you don't have to console I think is important because as someone who's going through grief a lot of times people tend to want to connect with their own experiences but then make it I don't know how to say this correctly but or politically correctly but like you know they want to make it about them in a way that's not intentionally about them but then kind of
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you feel bad.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what I'm trying to say there.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, being able to have those people you can call out and be like, hey, you know what?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I need you to listen to me.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is about me right now, not you.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And having the deep enough friendship or relationship that I'm going to be like, you're absolutely right.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And stand there still with you.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because you may lose friends over it.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: And
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: We all need to tell our stories and we all need to grieve and process.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's about doing all of those things at the right time and place where they are in support of others and ourselves in a meaningful balance.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the things I often talk to Uplifters about is the weight that comes with being an Uplifter and being in a really challenging situation and certainly
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: We are at a critical juncture for caregivers in our society where mothers in particular and caregivers of all kinds and hospital workers and purpose-driven leaders are demonstrating and feeling higher levels of burnout than ever before in our history.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think one of the most important conversations we have to have again and again
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: on the show is about how we sustain ourselves while sustaining our good work in the world.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so you are entering into some really heartbreaking moments and some really painful energy on a regular basis.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you process that and take care of yourself while doing that work?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think when I go to a session, you know, I always come home and I talk to my husband.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: He's my rock.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: He always has been.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one thing with grieving is usually someone is the more emotional one and the other one is the more put together one.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not always, but he listens to me.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: He laughs with me.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: We try and find, you know, the good in the stories.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when a session is really hard or hits too close to home, we'll talk about it.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, my kids, I'm able to come home and hug them and tell them and help them.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they're only, my daughter's turning 11 next week, 11, 9 and 7.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: But they still, they know what I do and I don't hide what I do.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: I want them to know that it's something important.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I get a lot out of being able to share that with my family and friends even too.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: you know, have a little text thread with my girlfriends.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: I go heading to the hospital, you know, say a little prayer for someone.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, they just send me words of encouragement and, you know, just, it's just to have a team of people on your side cheering for you.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: And while I don't feel like I'm doing something hugely like difficult in those moments, um, because I'm, um,
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I'm just used to it now.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: I live, I live this.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: I put myself in this space comfortably, but to hear the awe and appreciation coming from other people, I think that serves a really nice purpose too.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I just talking to anybody about it because then, you know, you're able to get reinforcement as to why you do the hard things.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And there's some times when I go into those rooms and I'm like, I really, you know, have a million things to do at home.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I have enough time to do this.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to be there.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want to show up.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: I need to show up for this family because, you know, while we've got a great team of other photographers locally, a lot of times because I am, you know, doing this as a day job with the
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: IT side of things as well.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: They know that a lot of times I'm more of a last, last, last Severio.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so I will go obviously, and I will go and show up and be there 100% present.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I'm back and I'll talk to my co workers as well.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: They're a huge, amazing support.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we've got a great group of
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's all women right now, but they're just wonderful to be able to be like, oh my gosh, this was a hard session.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: For the other volunteers, we've got a Facebook group.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think just talking through everything for me, showing up and having that quality time, whether it's in person,
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Virtually, helps me care for myself, not holding things in.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: So beautiful.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that I hear in that that both that presence and that purpose, and again, the community as being your sustaining support.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really true for every Uplifter that
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: When the greatest antidote to burnout on a personal level is probably rest, but also reminders of our sense of purpose and impact and really grounding ourselves in why we do what we do.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well Ali, I am so grateful to you for sharing your story and for the work that you do in the world and my hope is that by sharing this episode and this story more mothers will remember if they ever find themselves in this moment
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: For all of us who have grieved, who will grieve and we all that
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: There is no greater tool than human support to help us move through that journey.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I really am just so grateful that we got to meet you today.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for being here, Allie.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I would just also love to say, you know, the best way to support is also, you know, find this community, help in your community locally.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, now I lay me down to sleep is
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: is worldwide and we have volunteers in photography, non-photography roles.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: For families who had experienced a loss and didn't have someone come take professional portraiture, we offer retouching free of charge.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go to our website and submit photos and we will retouch those in black and white and gently remove any trauma so that you can show off those proud mommy moments or dad moments.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: and show those pictures freely without being nervous you're going to offend or scare someone because babies have lost them in all different conditions and we want them all to be loved.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: What a beautiful aspect of this to tenderly restore the beauty and to create this treasured memento.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for your work in the world, Allie.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: And for those of you listening, I hope you'll share this episode to create awareness and understanding of this extraordinary asset and resource that is available.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope you'll all join us on May 17 at our first ever Uplifters gathering in New York City.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: There is no greater power than coming together as Uplifters and looking one another in the eye
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: and connecting to the humans who inspire and support us.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: So we look forward to seeing you all there.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Find out more over at theuplifterspodcast.com.