Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #516 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

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#516 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just on answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, roller skates are not for writing in the house,
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  Speaker 2: And I haven't said a word.
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  Speaker 3: At the beginning of the week, Miss twelve was the
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  Speaker 3: only healthy body in the house right, and she was
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  Speaker 3: so upset that we were going to send her to school.
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  Speaker 3: And when I said to her, I said, will are
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  Speaker 3: you well enough to go to school?
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  Speaker 4: And she said, well, I have a sore.
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  Speaker 2: Bum from falling over.
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  Speaker 1: All And now here's the stars of our show, my
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  Speaker 1: mum and dad.
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  Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot you. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 2: Final day of the week. Feeling good about that. I'm
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  Speaker 2: here with missus Happy Families Kylie, my wife and mum
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  Speaker 2: do our six kids, Kylie. Every Friday we talk about
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  Speaker 2: this I'll do better tomorrow idea, what we've learned from
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  Speaker 2: the week. How we can reflect on the week, be
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  Speaker 2: more intentional and mindful as parents so that we can
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  Speaker 2: be better parents next week or tomorrow. That's why, well,
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  Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow. If I was to say it's
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  Speaker 2: been a week, how would you respond?
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  Speaker 3: Let's just say I had the best sleep I've had
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  Speaker 3: in a very very long time that first night in
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  Speaker 3: our new home.
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  Speaker 2: We've been grateful for the airbnb, but being back in
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  Speaker 2: our bed, our mattress.
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  Speaker 3: Our bed, my pillow, what's been like my sheet more
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  Speaker 3: than four months.
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  Speaker 2: It's been over four months since you actually slept in
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  Speaker 2: that bed, and now you've had a whole week of
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  Speaker 2: it and it feels good.
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  Speaker 4: But it hasn't been without its challenges and.
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  Speaker 2: Moving moving moving house is.
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  Speaker 3: Hard, and especially when you've got kids.
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  Speaker 2: Especially when those kids get sick the day you move.
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  Speaker 3: And it paus with rain and everything comes into the
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  Speaker 3: house soaking wet.
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  Speaker 2: So our I'll do better tomorrow is about reflecting on
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  Speaker 2: what we've learned from our parenting this week and what
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  Speaker 2: we might do either better tomorrow or instead of saying
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  Speaker 2: we need to do it better, what we can repeat
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  Speaker 2: and replicate because we've done things really well. When you
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  Speaker 2: think about the week that was, dealing with a house move,
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  Speaker 2: unpacking boxes, setting up a house, having to start all
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  Speaker 2: over again, with buying the groceries and the stuff that
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  Speaker 2: we don't have for this house that we needed, and
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  Speaker 2: having me traveling and being away had you do.
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  Speaker 4: Oh I sucked. Let's just spe real. I sucked. It
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  Speaker 4: was a really, really.
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  Speaker 3: Really hard week, challenging, but I did have one little win,
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  Speaker 3: which I'm actually really proud of.
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  Speaker 2: So before you say the wind, I want to challenge
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  Speaker 2: what you've said about how badly you've gone this week.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I know that you've been tired and maybe
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  Speaker 2: a little bit snappyer than normal because you're trying to
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  Speaker 2: get the house clean and the kids are untiding it.
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  Speaker 3: But you know what it really comes down to. Whenever
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  Speaker 3: I get cranky, it literally just comes down to unmeat expectations.
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  Speaker 3: I had an expectation that we were going to move
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  Speaker 3: in and you were.
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  Speaker 2: Going to and the house was going to be perfect.
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  Speaker 4: Well, no, but the kit.
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  Speaker 3: We were going to stay at the airbn be for
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  Speaker 3: a few nights while I had the opportunity to make
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  Speaker 3: sure everything was in its place.
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  Speaker 2: Before we brought chaos six.
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  Speaker 3: Or seven people into the space. But because everybody got sick,
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  Speaker 3: the kids obviously didn't want to be away from me
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  Speaker 3: and I needed to kind of check in on them.
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  Speaker 3: So they were now sick in my space.
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  Speaker 2: Should also mention they weren't sick with COVID they've just
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  Speaker 2: got a seasonal cold flu.
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  Speaker 3: While I was trying to create order, there was just
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  Speaker 3: chaos everywhere I looked, And so, yeah, really I didn't
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  Speaker 3: do a good job this weekend.
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  Speaker 2: It's snappy than normal, I was, I was.
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  Speaker 3: But the win was in one little moment I recognized
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  Speaker 3: that I was being really snappy with you specifically, and
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  Speaker 3: you walked out of the room calmly, and I realized
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  Speaker 3: in that moment that I was just I was being snappy,
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  Speaker 3: and I really had no reason to be snappy at
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  Speaker 3: you specifically, and so I turned around and I came
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  Speaker 3: to find you, and I just apologized, and it.
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  Speaker 2: Was a beautiful apology to It.
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  Speaker 3: Was actually your response that really got me thinking, because
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  Speaker 3: you actually said to me, I think that's one of
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  Speaker 3: the first times you've apologized.
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  Speaker 2: I was just teasing you.
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  Speaker 3: One of us has a really easy time apologizing and
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  Speaker 3: the other one doesn't, and it doesn't take much to
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  Speaker 3: work out.
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  Speaker 4: Who is who.
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  Speaker 3: But I just realized that so often, when I get
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  Speaker 3: caught up in all of the stresses of the day,
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  Speaker 3: I can often feel really justified and feeling the way
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  Speaker 3: I do, And in that moment, it just made me
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  Speaker 3: realize and recognize how much better I can be. So
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  Speaker 3: I guess my take home has been a really big
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  Speaker 3: wake up call and recognizing that there's probably a lot
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  Speaker 3: more times that I could be apologetic that i'm not.
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  Speaker 3: And part of that is probably because I'm not necessarily
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  Speaker 3: aware or I feel really justified to.
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  Speaker 4: Pick crank in my unmet expectations.
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  Speaker 3: But I'm putting it out there publicly that I'm going
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  Speaker 3: to try to be a lot more aware of how
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  Speaker 3: I might speak when I'm cranky.
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  Speaker 2: So, first of all, I think that you've really brave
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  Speaker 2: for saying what you've said. Secondly, we don't make any
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  Speaker 2: claims to being perfect parents, and this week you've carried
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  Speaker 2: a heavy load. I've been traveling, and you've been trying
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  Speaker 2: to establish a home for our family, establish the new
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  Speaker 2: family nest, and you've done it under really trying circumstances
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  Speaker 2: because the weather's been horrible, We've had kids at home sick,
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  Speaker 2: I mean, really really crook me not being around, and
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  Speaker 2: just that much pressure and stress on you. But I
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  Speaker 2: still want to challenge I don't know that you've been
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  Speaker 2: as challenging, as difficult as bad, if I can use
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  Speaker 2: that phrase, as you think you've been. Second thing that
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  Speaker 2: I want to highlight is just the power of that
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  Speaker 2: expectation experience dilemma. You expect something to happen, when it doesn't,
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  Speaker 2: your experience is lower than your expectations. Your expectations were
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  Speaker 2: too high. It's really confronting, isn't it. It's really hard
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  Speaker 2: to hold it together when that happens.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And the third thing that I want to actually want
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  Speaker 2: to ask you a question. You know, how you were
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  Speaker 2: upset and so I just walked out and got on
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  Speaker 2: with things. Does it bother you that I don't get
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  Speaker 2: all that caught up in that sort of stuff.
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  Speaker 3: No, I really appreciate it. Okay, I really appreciate it.
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  Speaker 3: And in that particular moment, it was just instant. You
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  Speaker 3: walked away, and you acknowledged throughout the afternoon that I
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  Speaker 3: had been a bit snappy, but in that moment, you
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  Speaker 3: just kind of you took my answer even though it
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  Speaker 3: was so unkind in the moment and just said, okay,
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  Speaker 3: thanks for letting me know, and you know, kind of
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  Speaker 3: went off and I kind of it was just a
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  Speaker 3: really big wake up call.
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  Speaker 2: So I've got this thing that nobody can make me
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  Speaker 2: feel angry. No one can make me feel upset and
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  Speaker 2: no one can make me feel sad. I get to choose.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm always saying that to the kids. The kids
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  Speaker 2: hate saying you can choose. You get to choose. She
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  Speaker 2: doesn't make you mad. You get to choose. And I
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  Speaker 2: just was wondering whether or not me not getting caught
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  Speaker 2: up in it bothered you or not. But I'm glad
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  Speaker 2: that you've said that. Thanks for sharing. After the break,
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  Speaker 2: what dot Justin Coilson can do better tomorrow. If you've
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: got a teen, you're likely already worried about alcohol and
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: drug use. As a parent, you want to know how
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: do we protect them, how do we teach them? How
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: do we know if they're up to something? Pot Pills
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: and parenting will equip and empower you to help your
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: twins and teens navigate one of the most challenging adolescent
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: issues today. Available on the Happy Families webshop.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast with a time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers. Now I'm interested, Well, Kylie,
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  Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: Before we talk about old do better tomorrow. I just
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  Speaker 2: remembered you also just before the kids got ill, just
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  Speaker 2: before last week just before the movie into the new house.
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  Speaker 2: You took the kids to see a movie, and I
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  Speaker 2: feel like we need to just spend twenty seconds and
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  Speaker 2: mention the Happy Family's movie review you. I was not available,
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  Speaker 2: but you took how many kids? Three? Three kids? Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: three of them, the three little ones, to go and
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  Speaker 2: see an animated movie called The Bad Guys. The Bad Guys.
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  Speaker 5: Maybe we need a distraction, please be subtle, or perhaps.
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  Speaker 2: Se county guards that could leave that plus and help
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  Speaker 2: me we were now Now.
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  Speaker 3: I assumed by the promo that it's actually a take
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  Speaker 3: off of the books. There's there's some kids books called
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  Speaker 3: The Bad Guys. Okay, but I didn't I don't know
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  Speaker 3: anything about it really, So I watched the trailer and
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  Speaker 3: I liked what I saw on the trailer. But when
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  Speaker 3: I told the twelve year old and the fourteen year
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  Speaker 3: old that we were going to go watch it, because
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  Speaker 3: it was just pouring with rain, there was nothing else
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  Speaker 3: to do, and so I wanted to get them out
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  Speaker 3: of the house, they kind of rolled their eyes and
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  Speaker 3: were like, you know, I really don't want to go.
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  Speaker 3: So I tried to find a couple of friends to
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  Speaker 3: take with us, but everyone was busy, and we got
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  Speaker 3: to the end of it and I just looked at
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  Speaker 3: the kids and they were like, that was way better
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  Speaker 3: than we expected. It was just such a good movie.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not a movie buff. I actually really just am
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  Speaker 3: happy to go and enjoy. I don't have high expectations
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  Speaker 3: if anything drives you crazy.
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  Speaker 2: Because you a little bit of a critic, very.
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  Speaker 3: Critical when it comes to movies. But what I loved
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  Speaker 3: about this movie was he were these bad guys who
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  Speaker 3: wanted to be bad, but then they got caught. So
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  Speaker 3: they made this plan that they would pretend to be
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  Speaker 3: good so they could still be bad. But through the
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  Speaker 3: process of pretending to be good, they actually realized that
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  Speaker 3: it felt good to make good choices, and in the
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  Speaker 3: end they become.
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  Speaker 2: Goodwillys good bad good Good. Don't spoil it. There might
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  Speaker 2: be something in parenting, something parenting related there though as well.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, we often feel like we're lousy parents. It's
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  Speaker 2: in the effort that we make when we decide to
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  Speaker 2: be good. It's the effort and the ongoing challenge difficulties.
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  Speaker 2: But we get better and better over time, and we
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  Speaker 2: discover that it feels much better to be good parents
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  Speaker 2: than to be parents. That aren't as good as we
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  Speaker 2: now are, which is why we're doing Old Do Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know if I just fluffed that, but we're
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  Speaker 2: going to go ahead anyway, so Bad Guys might be
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  Speaker 2: worth taking the kids to see this weekend.
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  Speaker 4: If there's something for everyone in it.
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  Speaker 2: My Older Better Tomorrow is a really simple one. I
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  Speaker 2: have not cracked it yet. At the kids riding in
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  Speaker 2: the house on their roller skates, that's my old Do
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  Speaker 2: Better tomorrow, full stop, end of story. Because recently we
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  Speaker 2: bought the kids and roller skates because now we used
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  Speaker 2: to live in a house with stairs and on on
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  Speaker 2: a slopey hill, and there was nowhere that the kids
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  Speaker 2: would ever ride bikes of roller skates. That just wasn't
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  Speaker 2: going to happen. But now we live in a flat
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  Speaker 2: could a sack with a single story house, and we
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  Speaker 2: bought the kids and roller skates, and they've been wearing
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  Speaker 2: the roller skates up and down the I don't know
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  Speaker 2: what our floor is made of. I want to say
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  Speaker 2: the lino floor is that kind of thing, as some
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  Speaker 2: sort of lino floor boardy thing, And the kids are
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  Speaker 2: just skating, holding onto the walls, putting their grubby fingers
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  Speaker 2: all over the walls and skating up and down the
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  Speaker 2: hallway and into the kitchen and around the dining table
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  Speaker 2: and then back down the hallway to their bedrooms. It's
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  Speaker 2: driving me insane. Roller skates are not for riding in
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  Speaker 2: the house. And I haven't said a word. I'm just
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  Speaker 2: watching them learn how to skate, and I love that
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  Speaker 2: they're doing it in spite of the fact that I
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: hate that they're doing it.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: At the beginning of the week, Miss twelve was the
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: only healthy body in the house right and she was
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: so upset that we were going to send her to school.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: And when I said to her, I said, well, are
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: you well enough to go to school? And she said, well,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: I have a sore.
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  Speaker 2: Bum from falling. Over all, I'm just waiting for a
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: hole in the wall. I'm waiting for a piece of
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  Speaker 2: furniture to be destroyed, because well.
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  Speaker 4: Then, well then that'll be the real test you hold
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  Speaker 4: your cool.
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  Speaker 2: Then I haven't spaped the dummy yet, I smiled at them.
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  Speaker 2: I've said watch out for my toes, and that's it.
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  Speaker 2: So that's why I'll do better tomorrow. It's about staying
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: calm and only sweating the stuff that really matters and
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  Speaker 2: so far, so good, Kylie, so far, so good. The
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  Speaker 2: take home message ultimately is don't let other people's emotions
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  Speaker 2: affect you. You're the one who gets to choose how
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  Speaker 2: you're feeling. You decide, nobody else. But I think that
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  Speaker 2: it's also if I can extract take a message from yours, Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: you're probably doing a better job than you think. Don't
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  Speaker 2: beat yourself up because the work that you do, the
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  Speaker 2: load that you carry, is amazing. And that's for any
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  Speaker 2: parent who's listening to this podcast. I'm sure you're doing
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  Speaker 2: so much better than sometimes you think you're doing. And
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  Speaker 2: even if you're not, that's okay. You've always got tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: Hence I'll do better tomorrow. The Happy Families podcast is
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
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  Speaker 2: our executive producer, and if you'd like more involve about
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: making your family happier, please visit us at happy families
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: dot com. Donay you have a great weekend.