Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Grief, Faith and Healing After Loss with DJ Kayotik

Transcript

Grief, Faith and Healing After Loss with DJ Kayotik · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor J, a production of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: What's up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm doctor J. Barnett and we are back for another
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: episode on Just Heal with Doctor J. Y'all know we
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: talk all things mental health, all things healing, all things
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: evolving as a human being. Some of y'all have been
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: listening here, and I'm telling you you need to go subscribe,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: start flirting with us, stop eavesdropping, and go ahead and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: hit that subscribe button. And remember, you can listen to
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  Speaker 1: Just Here with Doctor J on Spotify, the Black Effect
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Podcasting Network, iHeart Podcasting Network, or anywhere you listen to
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: your podcast. All right, so listen. I'm excited about our
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: next guests. You guys know, I gotta bring my brothers on.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: And I love when I have men on because there's
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: such insight that I feel like you get to hear
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  Speaker 1: and see in real time as we dive into some
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: of the lives, into the minds of men and hear
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: their journey on healing out. Before we get started, now,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I am balling some allergy issues. So in case y'all say,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Doctor J, you don't sound like your normal self, so
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: don't y'all talk about me as the old folks say,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: y'all pray for me. Right. So we're gonna get through
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: this episode. But man, I'm excited about our guest DJ
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  Speaker 1: Chaotic Man. How you doing good? Brother?
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Man?
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Listen, brother, I am excited to have you today. Man,
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  Speaker 1: listen with Shirlen reached out to me about, you know,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: having you on, man, I was like, yeah, absolutely, let's
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: make it happen, and it just so happened. Man, the
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  Speaker 1: space was created and as I believe in the divide
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  Speaker 1: timent of God, brother, so this is awesome man.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, Brother, As I told you off air, you know,
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  Speaker 2: thank you for just leading the charge of allowing to
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: give a space for brothers like myself to be vulnerable
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: to understand the importance of healing and they understanding the
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: importance of this mental health journey that we're going on
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  Speaker 2: right now. So when I saw when I called on
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  Speaker 2: to what you've been doing, I just said, go, brother, go.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: So wow, I felt some synergy when I talked to
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  Speaker 2: Sherion and I was like, you know what, I will
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: have to sit down with his brother and just talking
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  Speaker 2: unpack some things that talked about my book and just
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: in life in general.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Man, I love it. Brother. You know, most people know
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  Speaker 1: you as being the DJ for fifty said, and Curtis
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  Speaker 1: Jackson for because again I don't make assumptions. Everybody don't know,
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  Speaker 1: but Curtis Jackson, the artist fifty said, this is his DJ,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: and you have been a DJ for many years for
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  Speaker 1: fifty And of course we'll get into that part. But
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  Speaker 1: today you're short up as the man and not as
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: the DJ.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and that's the important thing I'm doing right now, Jays.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: The journey I'm on now is that, of course. Yeah,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I've been fifty since DJ. I've been a radio personality.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I've been a Navy veteran, a husband or father. But
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: now I'm a man that you know, at one point
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  Speaker 2: I identified as being broken and I've been, you know,
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  Speaker 2: walking into my purpose and I understanding the importance of healing,
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  Speaker 2: you know, man, That's why I said, you know, when
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: I started following you, it was just a great reflection
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  Speaker 2: of seeing a black man that's going through things and
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: and it's able to say I've gone through some things
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  Speaker 2: and I want to walk you guys through it and
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  Speaker 2: unfactable things. And it's like I'm now in that space
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  Speaker 2: of walking in my purpose, understanding the importance of healing,
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Understanding the importance of mental health and how it impacts
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  Speaker 2: not only myself, my wife, my kids, everybody and everybody.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: So I mean I'm in that, you know. It's it's
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  Speaker 2: like you said, it's it's the buying purpose of when
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  Speaker 2: God puts you in on your assignment and you understand
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  Speaker 2: your voice and what you do is hiding what you're
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  Speaker 2: what you see within yourself. I'm in a space now
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  Speaker 2: where I realized everything I've gone through in life, every
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  Speaker 2: stage I'm going through career wise, professionally and personally, was
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: for me to be at this point of now sharing
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  Speaker 2: my story, sharing my trauma, sharing my pain, and allowing
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  Speaker 2: people to see me as vulnerable and as transparent as
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  Speaker 2: they've never seen me before.
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  Speaker 1: Because what what what most people have seen is they
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: see the performer.
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  Speaker 2: See the highlight reel, you know, and now they get
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  Speaker 2: they get to see Kareem Thompson, the guy behind DJ
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  Speaker 2: Chaotic and and and the kid behind DJ Chaotic before
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  Speaker 2: I be here became the man.
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  Speaker 1: You know, there's a whole notherea listen you talk about
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  Speaker 1: kind of talk. But this is my type of carry
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  Speaker 1: at all yeah, before I before I get started, I
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: normally ask each guess this question to open up that
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  Speaker 1: there there's a question I asked at the close. The
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  Speaker 1: question is, in this very mobid, how do you feel.
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  Speaker 2: Blessed? Blessed and thankful?
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  Speaker 1: You know?
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  Speaker 2: And I say that because again I can honestly say
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  Speaker 2: that I'm walking in my purpose. I'm understanding that I
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  Speaker 2: have an assignment that's that's bigger than me. And throughout
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  Speaker 2: all the trauma, throughout all the pain, I can identify
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  Speaker 2: how close I am to the man above and how
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  Speaker 2: he wakes me up every morning and gives me an assignment,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm able to hear it. I'm able to have
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  Speaker 2: that communication with him daily and understand. Okay, Kareem, here's
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  Speaker 2: your purpose for today. I need you to be better
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  Speaker 2: than what you was yesterday. You know, years ago, I
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  Speaker 2: couldn't say that. You know, years ago, it's battling depression
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  Speaker 2: and so many other things. Whereas now I wake up
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  Speaker 2: every morning, I've surrendered, I've given to him, and now
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  Speaker 2: I'm just waiting for my coach to give the quarterback
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  Speaker 2: to play. You know, he said, you're the quarterback, but
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  Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you the play I'm the coach and
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  Speaker 2: now I'm in that position. So how do I feel
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  Speaker 2: blessed and thankful?
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  Speaker 1: Man? I love that because as you were speaking and
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: you were shared about where you were Philly depressed, and
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  Speaker 1: then also what you have to navigate out of I
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  Speaker 1: couldn't you know? Something just rested on me is how
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  Speaker 1: many men don't make it out? Yeah, and you use
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  Speaker 1: the word blessed and thankful. And when you think about
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: being blessed and you think about being thankful for you,
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  Speaker 1: when you dig a little deeper, what else is that
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  Speaker 1: attached to? I know that you feel that God has
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  Speaker 1: a purpose in will to dive into that, But when
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  Speaker 1: you think about being thankful, what comes out to me?
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  Speaker 2: Have survived a lot, a lot of trauma that survived
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  Speaker 2: survival and understanding. The only is why I'm still standing
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  Speaker 2: here today. The reason why I'm sitting here today with
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  Speaker 2: you is God. But He's He's brought me through so
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  Speaker 2: much knowingly, unknowingly. You know, there's a point of time
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  Speaker 2: where you know, I didn't know God was carrying me
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  Speaker 2: through so many different things I was going through. Now
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  Speaker 2: I know you know you look back and reflect back
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  Speaker 2: and you say God was with me every step of
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  Speaker 2: the way, through the good, the bad, the pizza and valleys,
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  Speaker 2: you know. But there was a point of time where
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  Speaker 2: Kareem or dj Ktick thought he was doing it on
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  Speaker 2: his own. I thought I bought that call. I thought
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  Speaker 2: I bought that house. I thought I put myself on
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  Speaker 2: this stage. And when you get humbled and crumbled, he realized,
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  Speaker 2: it's never you.
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  Speaker 1: It's never you. No, it's never you. Do you remember
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: my dad is a Baptist pastor. Do you remember the
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  Speaker 1: the poor footprints? And as he got closer to his
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  Speaker 1: journey and he looked back and they were no longer
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  Speaker 1: two sets some footprint, there was one, and he realized
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  Speaker 1: in the water sets some footprints. He talked about being carried,
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  Speaker 1: and I love what you talking about because I don't
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  Speaker 1: think men have that sort of enlightenment often where you
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  Speaker 1: could say to yourself, man, and I know for me, man,
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  Speaker 1: God has kept me through some things when you didn't
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  Speaker 1: know that you was being kept, when you didn't know
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  Speaker 1: that you was being protected, some things that you know
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  Speaker 1: you shouldn't have came out of. And for us to
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  Speaker 1: be able to sit here and to talk about it
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  Speaker 1: and express it in a way on a level where
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  Speaker 1: there's a reverence to not just God kept us, but
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  Speaker 1: there's a reference to who he is. Yes, absolutely, and
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  Speaker 1: when I'm loving about this already. Man, you're the second
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  Speaker 1: guy that I've talked to that talked about hearing the
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  Speaker 1: voice of God? What is that like for you to
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  Speaker 1: hear his voice? Is it audibly? Is it a soft
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  Speaker 1: sound out? What is it like for you? Because there's
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  Speaker 1: a lot of men that are watching that. I know
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  Speaker 1: God speaks to me audibly. I could verbally, I mean
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  Speaker 1: I could hear him. Yeah, I could hear him say
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  Speaker 1: it go right, go left. And there are some moments
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  Speaker 1: where I can feel up like it's sort of like
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  Speaker 1: it's an internal compass that I could feel hill like.
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  Speaker 2: Stop identify with both. I've had moments when he's he's
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  Speaker 2: he's verbalized. I can hear him talking to me and
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  Speaker 2: speaking to me his signs. And then there's always that,
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  Speaker 2: you know, whenever I'm not being as obedient as I
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  Speaker 2: need to be, Hip put something in the pit in
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  Speaker 2: my stomach that won't go away, and at that point
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, God, I got it. You know, God
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  Speaker 2: has the craziest sense of humor, so he has moments
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  Speaker 2: of just checking me and letting me know stay the course.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I know you want to go this way.
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  Speaker 2: I know you want to plan things out your way.
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  Speaker 2: And he laughs at that. You're still thinking you're planning things.
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  Speaker 2: You still think you're in control, and he real you
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  Speaker 2: back in and show you that I'm still in control,
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  Speaker 2: and this is where the direction I need you to go.
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  Speaker 2: And again, he communicates in every different kind of ways.
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  Speaker 2: Like I said, his visuals, there's when he's in my
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  Speaker 2: ear and raised me about my sleep. I'm gone through
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  Speaker 2: it all, you know, but I'm thankful for it because
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  Speaker 2: there's a point in time where I think he was
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  Speaker 2: communicating to me and through me. I wasn't here an
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  Speaker 2: no feeling.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's times because it requires a level of
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  Speaker 1: stillness to be able to deserve his voice, and it
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  Speaker 1: requires a level of silence and solitude in order for
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  Speaker 1: you to understand that he's talking absolutely outside of your
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  Speaker 1: own voice.
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  Speaker 2: I'll say this for me. You know, people ask me
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  Speaker 2: all the time, when did you truly understand that God
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  Speaker 2: was speaking to you and covering me.
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  Speaker 1: That's what I was going to ask.
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  Speaker 2: I lost my son at the age of eighteen. He
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  Speaker 2: had just turned eighteen years old. April fourth, twenty fifteen,
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  Speaker 2: Saturday before Easter Sunday. That was the biggest wake up
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  Speaker 2: call of my life. My life as I knew it
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  Speaker 2: changed suddenly. Everything crumbled suddenly at that moment, What do
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  Speaker 2: you have at this point? You know, everything that I
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: did up ntil that point was for my son, or
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  Speaker 2: so I thought. Every the way I carried myself, the
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: way I tried to be the best dad, whether it
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: be financially, emotionally, physically, every my makeup, my childhood, everything
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: was designed for me to be the best father that
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I could be. And at that moment I lost everything
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  Speaker 2: that I built myself for to say, this is who's
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: going to lead the charge, this is going to carry
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: the name. So April fourth, twenty fifteen, life changed for me.
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  Speaker 2: April fifth, Easter Sunday. The only thing I could do
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  Speaker 2: after sitting there and standing over my son for hours
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  Speaker 2: at the morgue, was go to church. That's the first
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  Speaker 2: thing I did, the only thing I could think to do.
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  Speaker 2: My wife, my kids went to church and I just
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: sat there with my pastor and the first thing he
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: said to me was green, I'm gonna be a corner
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  Speaker 2: man because you're in a fight right now. But things
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: happen for a reason. I says, your job was done,
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  Speaker 2: yours isn't title of my book is it had to
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: happen with a man without a legacy. First portion of
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: the title it had to happen came from my pastor
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  Speaker 2: at that moment in church on that Sunday Easter Sunday.
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  Speaker 2: He said, it had to happen. You had to be
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  Speaker 2: broken because God needs you to be closer to him.
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  Speaker 1: Now. I would to pause you because I want to
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: say my condolences, and he said, I'm sorry to hear
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: about your son. And I had the opportunity to be
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: or the Dead of Kings with Kirk Franklin. N Elie
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: chopped jeall at the Majors that ray J and Kevl
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: stage carevod Stage opened up and talked about what his
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: brother passed, and he talked about how he didn't know
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: if God was God. And I want to ask you
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: this because in that moment, I don't have children, but
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  Speaker 1: I couldn't imagine what it's the pain. And I'm sure
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: passed a bit well, but I would have stepped into
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: the clinical side of it. Okay, did it make sense
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: to you when he said it, even though spiritually you
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: understand the context that it had to happen, but physically.
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  Speaker 2: Jay, absolutely not. At that moment, nothing is penetrating me.
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  Speaker 2: It didn't resonate. You know, how are you telling me
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  Speaker 2: this had to happen? How are you telling me that
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  Speaker 2: my life in front of me that I knew crumbled
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: and this is how it's supposed to get closer to God?
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  Speaker 2: Make it make sense? And from that point on I
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: had to get close. I had to surrender. I had
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: to truly operate and faith and understand that. You know,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: it took. It was a process.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's a process.
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  Speaker 2: You don't you can't digest those words and just say,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: what do you mean that that happened? No, but I
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: trusted him. I trusted what he was telling me. I
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: knew that, I knew there's definitely a God. But at
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: that point, it's understanding. My faith has to take over
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: this point. And again, it wasn't something I could just
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: believe or retain right then and there. I went through
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: ten years of depression. I went through ten years of
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: suicidal thoughts and ideologies. I went through ten years of
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: almost losing myself and losing everything else, my wife, my kids,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: and wanted to just wanting to give up, but I
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: had to fight.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I want to normalize selfly because that's adorable. Yeah, lost
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: a child, Yeah, and you lost a child who's just
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: getting ready to start this life at eighteen before a
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: very sort of pivotal day. Right. Easter is always this
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: huge holiday, right it's resurrection. And how do you celebrate
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: the resurrection of Jesus with you're burying your child?
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: It's tough, you know, how do you celebrate anything when
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: you lose a child? Holidays hit different to this day,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: you know. I tell you in the beginning of my book,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I talked about you know it's been ten years, Yeah,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: but for me it's ten minutes, it's ten seconds, it's
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: ten hours still to this day. So I have to
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: maneuver and figure out ways to understand holidays and what
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: that looks like now for my wife and my kids,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: you know, And it's never easy, But as you continue
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: to go through this grief journey, you know how to
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: manage your grief flow differently. And like I said, my
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: faith has carried me these last ten years. So now
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: for me, holidays identify as you know, whether it be Easter,
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: whether it be Christmas or Thanksgiving. You know, I have
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: to make it the best of it for who's here
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: with me. Now you're a supporting cast, my foundation, you know,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: and then continue to trust God. I know my son
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: is watching over us. I know my son is smiling
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: down on us. And there was a moment's time I
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: didn't feel that way. I didn't know that. You know,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I've had to, you know, take on this, this torture,
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: if you will, have trying to make him proud. And
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: it took up to this point now where I feel
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: like you ask your first question, how do I feel?
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm making my son proud. I feel
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: like I'm making my wife proud. I'm making my two
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: daughters proud. Ten years ago, I couldn't say that.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: How was grieving for you?
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Challenging? Challenging? And I tell people all the time, you
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: know my grief journey, I'm still in it. You know,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: there's no expression date on grieving at all. And if
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: somebody tells you you're healed or you should be healed
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: by now, they aligning to themselves. They can't identify with
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: pain the way identify with pain, you know, And whether
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: you lost a child, whether you lost grandmother, father, or mother,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: your grief journey is your grief journey. You own it
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: and it's yours.
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  Speaker 1: It's for you, and it never goes away.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: No.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: My mother lost her sister to suicide and that was
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: her dog. And I listen to the stories that she'll
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: tell me at times, like Dale used to do this,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: and Dale used to do that. All boy, we used
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: to have a good time. And it makes you think
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: about the soul of a grieved person because I say,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: grief is the price we pay for love.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree with that. It is because the love
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: of half of my son, half of my son is priceless,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: and my family as a whole, and when you lose
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: such a precious gift as a child, it for me,
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  Speaker 2: it's like I had no choice but to surrender to
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: the man above them and say, what do I do now?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: What do I do now? Because all the time I
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: thought I had to figure it out, and now I don't. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I don't know how to carry this. I don't know
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: how to carry this pain. But you built me this way,
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: and then you asked the why why did you build
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: me this way to take on this level of pain?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: I've gone through so much a ready, God, you know this,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: you know of everything I've gone through, and yet you
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: hit me with this. But now as forward, I know why.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: I know the assignment, I know the purpose. I understand
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: that somebody like me right now that may face some
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: of the things that I've gone through, and they may
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: not be willing to talk about it. They may not
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: be willing to stand through it, walk through that fire
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: rather hand and say God carry me. They may just
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: give up. I can identify with that. I almost gave up, and.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: To be artist if he did. It's justifying because you know,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I've been a therapist for anuple of years, and whenever
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I would have to counsel parents who lost children, it's
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: so hard man, because even with my clinical sense, that's
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: not enough. It being that kid really fatholed the pain
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: that they're experiencing on daily.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: As a as a man, black man, a husband, I
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: isolated myself. I did myself and my wife, my daughters.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: I took on this this grief on my own, not
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: acknowledging anybody else's grief in the household, anybody I identify
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: with anybody else's greef. It was all about me and
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: my pain. So I started this journey of group therapy
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: on my own initially, and then and then I asked
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: my wife to join Mistake number one because I didn't
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: understand that she wasn't great. She was reading with me,
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: my kids was reading with me. But yet still I
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: took on the sleep of faith of joining group therapy.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: And at that point I realized how tough it really is.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: But not just somebody just lost as a child, but
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: there was people in there that was twenty years in,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: thirty years in, and the story is the same, the
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: pains the same. And you talk about being qualified and
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: not qualified. There's no therapist can tell you it's going
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: to be okay. It's not exact not so there's different
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: tools and techniques that people can give you and say,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: let's try this to kind of maneuver through your day
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: to day process because it is a day to day,
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: day to day processes. But you know, if anyone was
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: looking at me in my face and say it's going
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: to be okay, I'm offended. Don't do that because it's not.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: It's not okay.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: And but I had to learn that is because even
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: prior to me losing my son, you know, you have
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: someone that loses a loved one, it's like, you, you know,
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: the common crazy thing is condoles is, It's gonna be okay.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: I don't even use those words anymore. Whatever that person
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: has lost, It's like, I just identify with the pain
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: of a loss, whether it's that person's sister, mother, thought,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: it's a loss now has going through this journey. You know,
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I've met a lot of parents that have lost their kids,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: and when I talk about the torture he's given me,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: some he's given me. I've been able to counsel some
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: of these parents and identify with them in their pain,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: and it becomes more relatable.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I've met so many fathers and mothers that I've lost
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: a child, and then we spark a conversation and it's just
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: it look at me like I'm not alone, And I
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: know what that feels like, because when you're grieving, you
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: feel so alone. It fel like nobody in the world
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: understands what I'm going through right now. I mean, I'm
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: on this journey by myself. And when you find somebody
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: that can relate to you and that exact kind of pain,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: it's like, hey, I know what you're going through so
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: as of late, I've met so many parents that have
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: lost their children, and I've just I have the strength
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: now to talk about my Story's the reason why I
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: wrote the book, man.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: But I just got to take a moment and say
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: thank you for your bravery, thank you for your courageous
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: acts helping others, and just for being able to have
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: the wherewithal and the ability and the energy to even
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: try to help people because some people are just like Man,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I don't have it any And again it's justified because
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I can't have the energy to speak life into someone
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: else about this situation while I'm still experienced to death.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I'm not just what I lost, but also there's a
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: death to me because that was an end of you
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: bid a father to a son, not the end of
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: being a father in his totality. Like, it's so many
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: different ways that grief attacked us, attacks us, you know,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: from for me looking on the outside, bid on the
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: outside look at it. So I just got to say, brother,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: thank you for sharing your voice and bid a relatable
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: voice to those parents who have experienced what you've experienced. Man.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: And I give you know I received that, and I
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: give all praise to God because he's given me that.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: You know, it's the only way that you can is
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: to give things giving me. You know. You know my
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Monica is the voice of the unit. You know, Tony
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Harrell gave me that recently, and I carry that as
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: if as if I'm the voice for the voiceless.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Yes, you know, there's somebody like me that may go
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: through things that I'm going through and they can't talk
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: about it, yeah, or they're not willing to talk about it.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: You know, there's somebody that's there's a young Kareem or
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: young DJ Categy right now that may go through some things.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: So you want to go through things and I want
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: them to be able to find this piece of work
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: that I put out and say wow. You know, I
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: tell people what I'm now. You know, yes, I'm an
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: author now, but I'm not in the business of selling books.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I'm in the business of saving lives.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Man. I got to clap you up with Eville Brother,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: because that's a bar. I'm not in the business of
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: selling books. I'm in the business of saving lives. Of
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: saving lives, I love it. Bro's that's a great tag
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: live man, That is a great tag. Lie. So for
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: those that are watching, I want to give you a
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: little clinical perspective. Grief is what happened internally. More thing
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: is what happened externally and what we do with the grief.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: How have you mourned your son externally? What things? What
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: ways have you change your life to commemorate his life?
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Everything from the from.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: The moment he left this earth, my journey has been
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: creating something that he'd be proud of. You know, prior
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: to him leaving, I started my nonprofit organization in twenty eleven.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: He was a DJ. I told him about to be
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: a DJ. Wow, he was following Daddy's footsteps. He dj'
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: my first nonprofit event. We did it back to school event,
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: and he was a DJ for it. So from that
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: point on, you know, when he left, everything I've done,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: from the nonprofit events that we do, whether it be
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: back to school events, turkey giveaways, it it's in his honor.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: You know. My goal has been always to it's not
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: about what I'm doing, It's about who I'm doing it for.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: So I've been leading this charge of creating a legacy
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: of who he was. Even at his young age. You know,
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: he was legendary for me. You know, he was legendary
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: in his community, and he did so much did not
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: even know about.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: So and all that became you know, relevant to me
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: when I met a lot of his people during the
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: funeral and awakens like that, It's like this kid was
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: really active.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: You know, he was really following daddy's footstep and if
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: not more. And for me, it's you know, when you
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: see me, you're like you were talking about earlier. You
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: see this slits and glam, you see the stage, the
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: highlight reel. But I wanted people to understand the most
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: of the motivation behind it. You know, I tell people
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: all the time, my son has been my biggest motivator,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: you know, as I talked about it in the book.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: You know, being a young father at the age of
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: twenty two, I wanted to be everything my father wasn't
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: for me. My son was my first born, so I
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: built myself off of pain and trauma. The man I
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: was then at twenty two was a broken man. That
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: identified it. I just didn't want to be anything like
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: my father. I wanted to be the best father I
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: could be, and I went through so many different different
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: stages of that thinking I was being the best father,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: but still wasn't, but he was my motivation. So now
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: when we talk about just honoring is just honoring him,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: honoring my my foundation, honoring my wife and kids and
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: everything I do. You know, the book is dedicated to him.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: The publishing company, the self publishing company is long lived.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: The kid that was his you know his name was
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: DJ Kidd. Wow, you know that's the name that he
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: that he created, so long lived the kid is the
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: publishing company for the book. You know, I'm creating generational
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: wealth for his sisters, you know, passing the torch. So
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: you know, going back to the title little book, it
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: had to happen. You know, I said the framework of it,
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: you know, the first portion came from my pastor the
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: second portion? What's a man without a legacy? Draditionally as
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: a millionaire, it's your son who takes the name and
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: carries it on. I'm a man, you know, at that point,
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: as I was crating as I'm a man without a legacy,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: so to speak. But now I'm building a legacy surrounded
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: by honoring him and everything else.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: In what do you what? D what do you think? Legacy? Is?
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: In your your eyes?
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: A legacy now? Because then I thought it was that
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: my son take on the name and you give him,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: you give him the tools and technology and say, here
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: you go, son, I'm passing it towards it. Now for
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: me is making him proud, making my daughters proud, making
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: my wife proud, creating things that are impactful to my community.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: My transparency is legacy. My vulnerability is legacy, being able
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: to step out on the forefront of saying I've gone
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: through all these things in life and I'm still standing
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: because I trust and believe in God.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Now here's why I got to throw money che Okay,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: are you proud of you?
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I am now if you ask me that. If you
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: ask me that question before the book came out, I
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: probably would have been on the fence. Why I'm always
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: driving to be better and and and you know, when
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: when you've I'll say this, as I put this book
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: together and started and started voicing things and even just
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: unpacking all the trauma that I've gone through and some
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: of the things that I didn't realize I went through.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: You you you have you look in the mirror and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: you see yourself as one thing. But when you saw unpacking,
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: you see a whole other person. You know, when I
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: went through therapy. My therapist walked me through some things.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I thought I was the most you know, I thought
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: I had it together, and she broke me down and
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: showed me who I really was and how much trauma
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: I had and how many things I needed to forgive
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: before I can even walk into my blessings. So prior
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: to dropping this book, I wouldn't say I was proud
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: of myself. I was proud of the things that I've done,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: some of the things I've accomplished. You're proud of me
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: now that I'm walking into my assignment, now that I'm
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: walking in my purpose. I have my days when I
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: can say and say I'm.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Proud of me. And I wanted you to really thank
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: you for expounding on that, because so many times, men,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: we're focused on Mike and everyone else, proud for ourselves.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: And I love that you're proud of you in this
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: moment because it had to happen in order for you
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: to discover who you really were. And when I say
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: it had to happen, I'm speaking from the title perspective,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: meaning that life trial is because here's the interesting thing
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: about about life, man, it is a misnomer to think
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: that you will follow God and everything is going to
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: work out.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Say that again.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a misnomer to follow God and think
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: that every day is gonna work out. Because what I've
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: learned about walking with God is that brother following him
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: comes with its share of paid because we think just
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: because Jesus died, it frees us from paid if he
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: had to endure pain, he himself the scripture said he
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: despised the cross. That means he himself didn't want to
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: go through that. But because of what we would would
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: would would would receive from his sacrifice. So that tells
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: me this life is riddle with trials, and until we
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: understand that, we could never understand what the cost is
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: to grow. There's no triumph without trials, the cost to
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: expand the cross, the cost to to evolve, all of
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: it costs. So when you talk about it had to happen,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: you basically said it was necessary.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: It was and that's a hard pillow swallow. Let me
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: tell you something, it's hard to say that that was necessary.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I just want to sit in there for a moment, because, Man,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: when I think about my journey DJ, I'm often telling myself,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: I know it was necessary, but it didn't make sense.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: But you know, things that you go through and things
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: that God walks you through. Doesn't ness have to make sense.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: It never will because two fish and firelos of bread
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: feeding five thousand people would never make sense. No, no,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: And he's not a guy that makes sense. He says
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: his thoughts not our thoughts. His ways are not our ways.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: As matter of fact, they hired. So as I'm sitting
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: here thinking about your book title, man, I love it
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: that it had to happen, But I also think about
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: the conflict that I have internally, because sometimes the breaking
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: is for us to become.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Better, you have to be broken to be built back up.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: You know, I said, I said earlier, I had to
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: be humbled and crumbled before I can walk into my blessing.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Had to be It's unfortunate, and that's you know, that
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: was my breaking Losing my son was my breaking point.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: But throughout life, I've gone through so much homelessness, my
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: parents being on ifted, the crack cocaine. I talked about it.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: You know, before I released this book, I had to
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: get approved from my mom, like, Hey, I'm going there.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: She's like you're going there, I'm going there. You know,
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: my mother's changed her life around. She's a full blown
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: church going woman, and she was, you know, she was
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: on the fence of what are you going to expose
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: about us? Everything? Because somebody needs to hear the story.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Somebody needs that. They need to understand what I've gone
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: through and why I'm still standing.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: What did healing your trauma do for your family? Your wife?
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Well let's start with your wife. What did it do
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: for you and your wife?
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: You get married. My wife and I've been married for
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: sixteen years, and you can imagine the bumps and bruises
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: you go through with just maneuvering through a black man
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: being stubborn, a black man going through grief, a black
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: man just being a black man, and just not being
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: a partner. What it's done throughout this entire journey has
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: built our relationship to where we're partners. It's strengthened us.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: You know, I commend my wife. I talk about it
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: in the book, a lot of just walking me through
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: every stage of me. You know, there's fifteen chapters in
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: this book, and my wife and I dated back in
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: high school, so she's seen the young Kareem before the
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: DJ chaotic, before the fame and all that other stuff.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: She's seen me at my lowest and was there for
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: me as I became the adult man, the adult broken man.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: She walked me through that journey and stood by my
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: side as the broken man. Now she's seeing me become whole.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: She's seeing me walk through my sobbery. Every day she
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: tells me, I'm proud of you. So when you ask
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: a question, am I proud of myself? She's been pushing
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: that narrative on me of you need to be proud
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: of yourself.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: It's how to do a drink chapter.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So you know, it's a beautiful thing of having
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: that queen by your side, that she's seen every form
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: loved you through it all, loved me through it all,
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: loved me through it all, and even through my growth.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: I knew writing this book I had to have her
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: be included every chapter. I didn't go into that isolated
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: space of I'm doing this for me and you can
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: read it when it's done. Every chapter she was a
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: part of every chapter because I wanted her to be included.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Even with me being as transparent as vulnerables I was
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: going to be. I wanted to be included. There's a
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: lot of things in that book that she didn't even
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: know that I dealt with as a child. And when
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: she finished reading the book up and being a part
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: of it, she said, I'm sorry that you were to
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: go through so much. And I appreciated that. Man.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got to hold that moment because there are
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: some brothers that want to see this and it's going
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: to break them because they're with a partner that doesn't
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: understand the magnitude of that trauma, that pain, their fears
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: that're insecured. And to have a partner say I'm sorry
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: that you went through that. Did that make you feel seen?
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: It made me feel seen. Oh man, it made me
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: feel important. It made me feel valuable.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: It made me feel like if they made me feel
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: respected to say it's okay to hurt, Yes, it's okay
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: to feel your pain. Yes, And I see you. I
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: see you now, I will say this. We didn't get
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: into that space until I had to go through therapy. Absolutely.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: It took my therapist to help me learn myself and
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: learn how to communicate with my partner. There was a
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: point in time if we were having a conversation or
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: an argument, everything bothered me. I didn't feel that support
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: because I wasn't receiving it that way.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, when you were only receiving it based
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: off of the experience to shape you and most time
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: as black men. The reason therapy is so liberating for oh,
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: when we get in therapy, it can be so liberating
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: for three of us because we get to see a
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: version of ourselves that we didn't even know existed because
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: you developed this maladaptive pasalta where you have either built
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: a I either have built this shell to guard you
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: and to protect you, or you build a person that
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: you are now going to erect because of you had
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: all these things happen, because it's like this happens, so man,
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: I'm forever. You know, it's almost like this and I'm
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: gonna it's kind of divert a little bit. It's almost
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: like when I have seen men that have experienced sexual trauma,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: they either become very promiscuous or they become very confused.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I see that.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: So what happened is I now develop a persona where
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: it's like I gotta hit anything that moves because I'm
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: and particularly if it happened with a family member or
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: happen with somebody those same sex. I'm now trying to
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: drive myself away from the experience so I can now say, yeah,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I know that happened, but that ain't me. And that's
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: what we do as men. And because there is no
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: one that there's no doctor j there's no clinician, there
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: is nobody coming in to sort of provide tools and
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: to provide an expansive understanding that your behavior is symptomatic
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: of what you've experienced.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: I haven't trapped in the book, and it talks about
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: therapy didn't fix me. But what it did was it
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: put a mirror in front of me.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: That's it right there. Because let me tell you something good, brother.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: I say this often as a therapist. I don't fix people. Yeah,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: I'm the GPS. You're the driver. You tell me where
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: you want to go, and I help you get there.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: I don't give advice. I make suggestions. And that's what
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: it's about, is to hold a mirror up to you.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: And I often say, you're not in therapy because of
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: something is wrong with you. You're in therapy because something
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: with wraw that changed your makeup absolutely, that changed your
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: molecular development, change the wiring of your brain. Because trauma
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: will reroute your brain. Is just like a hard drive
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: in a computer. Yeah, if that hard drive gets damaged,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: it's gonna shut that entire computer down. If you experience
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: some trauma in your young adolescent years, we call this ACE.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: And this is anything that has happened traumatically or anything
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: that has happened before the age of eighteen, adverse childhood,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: anything that takes place before or during your development stages.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: It impacts you in your adulthood.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: And I didn't even know what Jane, the thing is.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: As I said, through therapy, I started identifying those things
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: that were trauma, things that I thought I put to
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: the side and said, I'm over it. You know, even
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: with not even able to identify how to give my
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: father for the things that he put me through. You know,
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: I didn't understand. I said to her. You know, she
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: laughed at me. I said, I forgive him. We don't
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: even talk about him, and responses, oh, okay, we'll go
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: back to that's good. Oh she was phenomenal.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: He's good.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: And we went back to it. And when we started
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: unpacking things, I realized I didn't forgive them. I never.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: I never. I told myself that, you know, I put
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: my chest out as a man that says I forgave
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: him already, I'm good. I put a band aid on it.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: Come there was a wound underneath it that was still fresh.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: Come on, tender, very tender. Well, that's yeah. I was
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: told my wife told me. You know how we landed
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: in therapy and and and found this therapist is that
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: you know, the framework around me was Kareem is sensitive
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: and I found it's sensitive. What you mean I'm sensitive.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I'm a proud man. I put much. Ain't nothing sensitive
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: about me? Jay, today, I can tell you right now,
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: I'm a sensitive man. I'm proud of it. I'm proud
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: of it.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: Man, do you cry often?
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Now? I do you know a good lifetime we would
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: have me just throw Oh my god, I'm in tune
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: with my feelings, brother, and it's nothing wrong. Listen, I
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: can't watch you know. It was by time like this
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: a tear drinking movie. Every movie me that might be
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: a tear jerker life, but it's man, Tis, I'm.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: Gonna tell you so bad. I like this moment because
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: this is breaking up. Break it breaking up because I
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: can't stand like you know, and I love the floor
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: that we go one of my favorite movies, bro, by
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Will Smith. That doesn't get a lot that that doesn't
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: get a lot of gosh, collateral damage. No, no, no, I'm sorry,
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Collateral Beauty. Stay with me, go watch this. I watched
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Collateral Beauty at least twice a year. Collateral Beauty is
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: a film about Will Smith losing a daughter.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Really I need to go watch that.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: And three angels shows up at a time where they're
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: trying to find these sort of pain points to give
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: him messages, and one of the death angel who was
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: there at the hospital, I'm kind of giving a bully
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: away when his daughter died and you don't see this.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: And later on she looks at him and says, you
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: have to see the beauty. You have to see the
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: collateral beauty even in the pain. M Brother, every time
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: that part hits water, I believe it because the pain
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: of loss takes away from beauty because you say to yourself,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: how can I appreciate this when there's so much pain
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: to it. But what she was saying is the collateral
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: beauty is really whether it breakthrough is and it's really
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: and it's where the perspective And man, I'm telling you, Bro,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: I'll watch this movie, DJ Man, he got bro hit me,
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: Hit me as you watch, and I'm telling you you're
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: gonna cry. I'm gonna a movie.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna cry.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Brother, when I tell you, you don't as a man, you
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: don't know that you have made peace with your humanity
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: until you're gonna let your tears flow freely without shame
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: or guilt of reservations.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Listen whenever.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: So I love that about my world crumbled.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: You know, I learned to, you know, crying for me
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: as a release, and it's a healthy release, Yes, sir.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: You know at any given moment, you know, during even
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: in this space today, you know, I can get in
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: that car and something can just come over me. I
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: have to pull over and I just get a good
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: a good crying, and it's a release.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: There was a point time where I didn't want to cry,
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: you know, this point in time throughout the Sole Journey,
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: when I went through depression. It was bound depression, and
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: my doctors want to you know, because I'm a veteran,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: they wanted to put me on anti depressing medication. I
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: talked about this in the book I put I got
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: myself on the mesas and I went to go see
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: my son at the cemetery and I couldn't cry. The
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: medication had me so.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Turn receptors off.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: I couldn't cry, and I didn't want that feeling ever again.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be able to release. I told him
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: to take me off of that. I want to be
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: able to release. That was unhealthy to me. To be
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: able to I literally you feel like the tears going
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: to come. It's like what's going on? So releasing for
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: me is the best feeling, man.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Which is why I and I'm saying this as somebody
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: man who's a clinician, and you know my doctors, doctorates
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: in healthcare who understand the system. And I'm going to
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: see how I want to say this medication works. However,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: there's some medication can turn individuals into a zombie. Yes,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: And what I don't like is when I've had to
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: sit with patients with clients and the medication does that
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: because it turns off the receptors. So think of the
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: pathways and neuro pathways as being these little small highways
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: and all of a sudden they just put a clamp
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: so no traffic can get through as a clamp. So
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: what happens is instead of that hormone, that emotion being
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: able to flow freely through. There's a clamp.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: Owner that stops it and I don't want that, and it's.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: Almost like it pauses it. And you know what, Bro,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you recognize that. There are so many
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: people that when I was in private practice, man, that
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: they will come in they would be like, you know, Jay,
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: this medication has changed me. Man, I don't like I
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: can't respond anything now. One end, it minimizes their depressive thoughts,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: but on this other end, it exacerbates other things, you know,
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: because it's like, man, I'm not having depressive thoughts, but
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: I also feel like a shell. I feel hollow inside.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm who those are you bad for recognizing?
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: And I had to get myself over the brother, I
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: told myself. Then I said I can't do this, So
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I asked God, what can I do? I got into
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: the gym. I became a gym rat. You know, that
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: was kind of my sanctuary of just running. Jo I said,
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: you run a lot of Yeah, that was my that
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: was my thing running. And then again, you know, throughout
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: their journey, I started doing running all the time outside
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: and then I get here with a blood clot no
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: more running. It's like, Okay, God, what we're doing here.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: So it's like we talked about the trials. You know,
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: they never stop. But you have to keep trusting. And
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: I've learned throughout this entire journey just keep trusting.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: But how do you do that?
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: Though I'm no choice, I have no choice.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: It's if you're a true believer and you truly operate
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: in faith. I don't question anymore. I just surrender. I
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: give it him and trust that He's gonna work it out.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: You know, a true story. Even with the release of
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: this book, you know, it's been an uphill battle, you know,
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: from talking to the mamopop stores to the Barnes and Nobles.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Just last week, true story, I just got rejected by
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: an independent store to carry the book just last week.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: I didn't think any of less. I'm trusting God throughout
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: this journey. Hours later, a PR team reaches out to me, says,
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Barnes and Nobles picked it up. So I lost one
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: store and picked up six hundred plus.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: Trusting.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Wow, congratulately.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: When you when you operate in faith, you just you
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: give it to him. He just you just believe in
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: people will give me sometimes like you really, I truly
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: operate in faith.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: Jack.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: I'm at that point in my life where I have
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: no I have no choice. With everything I've gone through,
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: i have no choice but to say I'm gonna give
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: it to God and let it go. I've been to
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: that person that give it. You know how we pray
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: for certain things and God, I'm gonna pray for this.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: Then you snatch it right back. You don't believe he's
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: gonna do it, and then you can. You come back
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: and he's looking at you, like, then you give that
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: to me months ago? Yeah, aast, it's already when you're ready.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: You know, when you're prepared for your blessing, you'll receive it.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: Ye'll be prepared for it. Be careful what you ask
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: for in the same breath I tell people time, as
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: you're praying to God, is an enemy out there that
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: can hear your prayers as well. Yeah, and he'll dangle
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: that food in front of you and make you think
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: it's the blessing that you're looking for. But that blessing
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: that he's dangling, or so called blessing is dangling, comes
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: with a catch that's not from God. So you have
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: to be you have to be mindful of asking for
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: those blessings. And if it just comes to you so
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: quick and so fast, yeah, that ain't from God.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: If it come fast, it won't last, man, it will.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: You know what? As you were talking, you know, something
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: came to my mind that I often have to say
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: to myself, is that I have to learn to trust
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: his character when I don't understand his methods. I know
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: what you've been to me, and I was driving over
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: here to feel and I'm thinking, you kept your promises
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: to a dead man?
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: What more?
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: What you do for me? Abraham died not seeing what
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: God promise? He said, I would make your descendants right
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: now if he kept his promise at Abraham, what more
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: would he do for us? If we're here right So
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: when you talk about trusting, I'm right there with you
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: because I've learned to rest. He talked about, he said,
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: Jeremiah rest, because even rest was part of the promises.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: He wasn't just trying to bring their choos out of
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: Israel so they can go work again. He was trying
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: to bring them out the rest. But because they couldn't rest,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: they turned this eleven day trip into forty years and
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: what I feel, just as I'm sitting on your couch,
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: I can feel your spirit. You found a sense of
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: rest in your grief. I have to.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: I had to because again my rest and in my
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: grief and then my walk in my grief is He's
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: revealing assignment. Yeah, you know, ten years ago when I
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: was told there's an assignment for me by my pastor,
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: I didn't receive that message. Then ten years later, I
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: can see it, I can feel it.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Every day he's revealing more and more to me. So
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: every day I wake up and say, what's the assignment?
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: I'm chipping away at everything he wants me to do,
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: you know. And that's the best feeling in the world
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: when you know God is communicating through you and to you.
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: There's nothing more gratifying than that they talked about your blessing,
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: your your your prayers pull on Jeff Ears. I know,
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: I know he hears me every day. I know he does.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: And that's the best feeling to have that communication.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: Going on, know that them prayers are reaching boy.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: Yes, and even knowing when you when you're going through
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: the fire, you know when those bumps come, it's like
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: all right, God, all right, I'm gonna just follow your
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: lead on this. I give you know, like I said,
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: even throughout this whole journey, even coming coming here with
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: you today. You know, for me, Kareem probably probably just
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: wanted to wanted to do this a month ago. But
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: the Kareem now is patient. Yeah, and I'm trusting you
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: when it's time for me, it'll happen. It's his design
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: on mind, It's his plan, not minter Man.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: These last two questions, for for one, you're you're you're
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: you're in the secular space in entertainment. How have you
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: been able to manage both spaces? And you know, you're
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: dj to probably one of the most interesting personalities you
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying on the planet. You know everybody
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: you know, I love Fifty's body of work and get
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: rich to do try and I mean I thought it
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: was a massive job, from the acting and the film
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: to the storytelling and even like it's one of my
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: favorite albums.
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: But then you know, you you you know who he is,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: you know outside of that space and those things. How
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: have you been able to manage your faith, grieving and
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: still show up for him in these spaces?
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: When get you ask that fifth and our childhood friends.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: So I've been knowing Curtis Jackson aka Booboo because that's
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: how I know him since I was ten. It's one
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: of those things where, again when you're following God, things
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: come in full circle. Me becoming his DJ wasn't something
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: I ever desired. It's part of my design.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: He reached back for me at the most the moment
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: I probably needed to be reached for. And I talk
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: about that in the book that you know. In the book,
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: I talk about three cent saved my life. And I'm
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: not talking figurely, I'm talking just spiritually, emotionally, financially, in
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: every aspect from that standpoint. And he don't even know it.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: But it's one of those things where, yeah, everybody sees
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: fifty cent, the Shenanigans, the you know, fifty's fifty, you know,
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: But what they don't understand about him is that he's
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: a God fearing man, truth be told. His grandmother who
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: raised them and my mother were church church members together.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: Talk about that in the book. He has covered in
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: so many ways. So when I joined forces with him,
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: he brought me on, you know, being in the secular world.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: You know, even in my first stint. You know, as
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: I stepped on stage with him, everything I've done on
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: stage with him, I always pray, you know, he witnesses that.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: He supports that. When we get off the first tour,
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: I decided to indulge in some of the shenanigans.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: Also.
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: I thought I was going to. I mean, I did
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: an interview and I mentioned something about Diddy and a
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: lot You're not true story. The next show we had,
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: he pulled me to the side and he said, Kareem, chaotic, Kareem.
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: He said, I saw that interview. I don't like that.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: I said, what an interview? He's like, you're talking about Davy,
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: That's not you. He's like, I brought you here to
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: be the light. He's like, when I look at your page,
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: you talk about God, you talk about the things you've lost,
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: your growth. He's like, that's what I like to see
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: on your social media and your page. Don't be like me,
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: don't be like Yeay or anybody else. Be you be
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: the light. Kareem.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: That moment for me was despite everything people see, to
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: Shane is he understands his core foundation and who wakes
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: him up every morning, and he sees that in me.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: I could be the pastor if you will, of g
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: unit in a sense, I don't mind being the light.
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: So for me, having that balance has been easier because
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: he's welcomed that for me. He doesn't expect me to
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: be secular or being this. That's not the expectation. Yeah,
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: i'm his DJ. Yeah we have to perform every night,
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: but more importantly, I'm a man. He supports that. He
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: values that. So when you have somebody that values that,
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: my brother that values that and says, I see something
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: in you and that's why you're here, don't change from that. Wow,
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: don't change from being you, because that's what brought you
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: here to me. Part of my assignment is the reason
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: why I'm with him now is you know we talk
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: about the angels. I may be the angel on earth
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: for him. I pray for that man every day because
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: he has to deal with a lot more evil spirits
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: than I do. And when, as you know, Jay, as
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: we continue to evolve, the enemy gets busier, the attacks
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: coming full and full drown. So I'm dealing with my
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: own attacks, I can only imagine what he deals with.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: So that's part of my assignment, you know, it's part
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: of my assignment. To pray for him as well as
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: I pray for myself and pray for my family and
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: all my loved ones. That's my brother. So that's how
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: I keep the balance. Yeah, I can pree many men
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: all night long, but when I got to this stage,
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: and before I get on the stage, I'm praying to
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: the man above to make sure we're flawless in this
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: us being at to perform. Being from South Side Jamaica,
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: queens two kids from south south Side. You makea queens
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: being in a stage front of one hundred thousand people,
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: that's all God. God gave him that talent and gave
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: me that talent. He's given me this voice, and be
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: even say thank you. So even if while he's in
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: the shancause, even at that moment he's not saying thank you,
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: I'm saying thank you for everybody the voice of the unit.
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: Brother. Brother you you you got something on your life, man,
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: that there's an anointing on you. Man that God has
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: He's given you a light and I can I can
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: see it. And that light case be damn for it.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: You could you could even them that light even if
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: he tried. No, not now going through too much, well
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: not even that, not even just now, you you've always
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: had it because let me tell you something. Let me
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: tell you someth about God, what we discovered later. He's
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: always known because what the scripture said, I knew THEE
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: before I formed thee in the belly of their mother's wolves.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: He knew you was you before you became absolutely, so
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: you've always been to light. And it's just you know,
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: and as the time to tell God, it's like, man,
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: you got to go through these oh my gosh, dude,
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: it's like you got to go through these atrocities, man,
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: and just to discover it. But when you think about
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: what Jesus did when he took the fish and fire,
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: loas he took it, the Bible said, he blessed it,
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: and he broke it, and then he gave it multiplier.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: So before we even were broken, he blessed us first, yes,
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: and then he broke us. Yes, because we can't be
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: given unto the masses until he breaks us. And our
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: issue as human beings is we often miss interpreted breaking
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: as being achilling. What you're saying is.
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: It had to happen.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: It had to happen. It had to happen, My brother,
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: This is like I got one more question for you, man,
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: This this has been a phenomenal man. I acces thank
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: you often to all of the yes Man, this show
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: is just here with doctor J and this. This last
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: question is what is healing for you? What does it
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: mean when you hear that word healing.
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: Healing for me is being able to hold that merry
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: in front of myself and see what I've gone through,
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: where I am today and where I'm going. And for me,
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: it's understanding through my pain. I found my purpose through
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: every triallenge and you know, I've identify what my triumphs
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: are and I'm still doing it today. Healing for me
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: is being able to pour into others and showing them
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: in your darkest moment, look at me, it is light.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: There's no light into this light standing right in front
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: of you, and I can I've made myself vulnerable and relatable,
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: whether it be an adolescent to an adult, of whatever
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: you've gone through, whatever you can imagine going through. And
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: there done that, I'm still standing here healing each and
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: every day. Man, manute by minute, second by second, hour
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: by hour, does it stop? But like I said, I
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: want to give you your flowers. Thank you for champions
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: after taking black men or just our black community as
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: a whole and saying, here's an opportunity as soon as
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: couch and here with me. Let me show you what
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: healing looks like. If you don't know, let me give
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: you some of the tools to learn how to do it. Yes, sir,
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna fix you, but I'm gonna show you
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: how to renew with new things. Thank you for being
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: you King.
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, sir, bro I appreciate it. Man, Thank you, Bro,
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Man. Listen, this interview has blessed me,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: and I hope that it has blessed you. This book,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: but doctor Kareem DJ Chaotic Thompson's it had to happen. Man, Listen.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: If you know, y'all know my background. My dad's a preacher.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: So I got it in me. Man, if I was
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: going to use a text, it had to happen. I
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: will go into the story of Joseph Man. Man. Listen, brother,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: this title. Man, it had to happen. Brother, I love it. Man.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: What's a Man without a Legacy? Man? This book is
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: available right now. It had to happen. What's a Man
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: without a Legacy? Please go out and support this brother,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: read his story. Hear about the man, hear about the
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: journey this brother has shared so openly and transparently about
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: losing a son, and I don't want to I don't
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: want to overlook that there may be somebody who is
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: watching this episode and you may have lost a son,
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: you may have lost a daughter, and particularly I want
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: to talk to parents who have lost the best way
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: to begin grieving is finding a supportive space where you
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: can grieve in your own way, and you can be
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: around other individuals that have experiences, other individuals that know
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: that level of pain, other individuals that it is navigating
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: that pain that journey. Even as an expert, because I
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: have this statement that I say everybody's an experts until
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: it happened to them. I'm not an expert in that.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: But what I am is and someone who can champion
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: spaces and curate an atmosphere where you can feel seen
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: and feel heard. I don't know what that's like to
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: bear that pain. But I also want to be sensitive
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: this moment that as you're watching this episode, you watch
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: a brother, you watch the father, you watch a husband,
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: you watch a man share openly how he's still navigating
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: that journey and he's navigating that journey by sharing a
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: story with you he survived and soaking you absolutely And
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: until next time, remember healing is a journey and wholeness
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: is the destination. Just here over, Doctor J, a production
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. And you can follow me at
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: King J. Barnett on Instagram and x and follow us
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: on YouTube. Just Heal, Doctor J.