Latest / OCCULTINARIUM / Occultinarium - EP 15 - Amelie, the Vampire
Transcript
- Lynn: Hello and welcome to tonight's episode of the Occultinarium. We are the voices of the Occultinarium and tonight's hosts are... Luigi: Luigi Amelie: Amelie. Lynn: Lynn. Tonight's episode we will interview of our hosts and will conclude our little interview session of the hosts so if you have not seen the others, curious, you can check them out. ⁓ The tonight goes to ⁓ Amelie. you for our very many questions? Amelie: No. an Aquarius and I find personal questions very difficult. Lynn: talking a little first. HEAL: Please make an effort. Don't only ask yes or no, please. Lynn: Dainty. You know what? We're just gonna poke all the holes. in our little group, right, because we have our little stereotypes that we like to call ourselves. have the Andriana, the healer, Luigi, the witch, Shaman, the shaman, and you are the vampire. So my question, I mean, you don't have to take, you know, don't tell us all the secrets. Of course, you know that, but. Amelie: you Mm-hmm. Lynn: by vampires. What's the fascination? What is it? Amelie: you Where do I start? never been into vampires because I've seen movies and I think has progressed ⁓ it has changed throughout my life. Was really like this whole okay. I was born in Poland. So this whole vampire thing It was, I heard it in a lot of stories and I always found it really fascinating that you can die and then you become alive again. And I felt like it was so rude that they try to keep them ⁓ down if you're alive, why are you trying to keep them down? ⁓ I just didn't understand why to be so rude. But then obviously I... was watching movies and reading books. I was really, really into reading Anne Rice books. Specifically I was in Paris for a little while, when I was living there, I had a lot of time to myself. And my school, I was to, not like every day, ⁓ but it was ⁓ the stop where Notre was. HEAL: ⁓ yes, yes. Amelie: So I used go there just before my classes started and I used to just go in there ⁓ read or just sit there. It's not because I'm not Christian or anything, I, okay, side note, I didn't that the Notre Dame was in Paris. ⁓ I just think, I was just really silly. I just didn't think. HEAL: Ha ha ha ha! Amelie: you know, ⁓ for the first class I went to, I just got off the station and I went up and saw it in front of me and I was like, ⁓ whoa, is crazy. And yeah, kind made it a thing and you know, I went through the ⁓ catacombs and all of that. after that, ⁓ I kind of Lynn: you Amelie: It kind of waned off. I just felt I was so silly, it's just vampires. But I was fascinated this whole thing of being alive forever and what happens in the future has always been like my thing ⁓ of interest, what will in 1 million years time. I think that's one of the aspects. But I never like took it too too seriously. Obviously I was always a little bit gothy and stuff but I don't don't I don't feel like you had anything to do with vampires specifically but have a very good taste in fashion and clothes all this Victorian stuff and you know so it's very appealing. ⁓ But yeah I think it I guess it's changed a little bit because HEAL: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Lynn: you Amelie: I never seen this whole vampire thing as a spirituality thing. I thought it just because I was fascinated this whole life aspect and the fact you know, I just, I also find them very vulnerable in a sense of they have this love ⁓ for certain things, like this it's really really sad but it's very passionate at the same time. I must have been in my ⁓ 30s. I like I was I was really sick and I was feeling really really down ⁓ ⁓ was thinking about a lot of spirituality and I was reading a lot of books and random things. And I just didn't understand what do I believe in? why doesn't anyone else believe or at least understand what it is ⁓ in my head? I just could find anyone or book that spoke to me. The book found basically, randomly. It was the Asetian Bible, which is I mean, vampiric, in a different sense ⁓ than just because I, when I was very, ⁓ I found this ankh was like, my God, this book has vampires and it has an ankh on it. It was like super silly and super naive as well. it must have something to do with it. you were fascinated with this, this, and then this book just appears. You have to read it. And the first maybe 15 pages, I was just so amazed how I just HEAL: Mm. Amelie: like I was reading something that I completely understood like someone was explaining in a way that I never heard anyone explain things and ⁓ now know ⁓ when older reading the book again I definitely did not understand everything that the book said but I was just so fascinated and I read the book I think ⁓ within few days I just read it through. I think after that, I was okay, this is something ⁓ I read on because it's about vampires, ⁓ but also the aspects that ⁓ obviously I learned more about the aspects of and, you know, there's good and bad vampires. It's not just drinking blood. It's it's all the other spiritual aspects and therefore in ⁓ guess sad attempt I want to belong somewhere as well ⁓ I was this this is this is me you know very plain way I was like this is me I vampire. No, I actually never thought I am a vampire as such, but I just this there's just something ⁓ in ⁓ basic I human, non human ways, like primal, this of primal to it. But yeah, so therefore, I But that's it. Lynn: Thank you for shedding some moonlight on this question. HEAL: But I think that's fascinating. I was listening to you so attentively as a artist mesmerizing. Wow, I want to know more about her. I mean, you mentioned it, that of the attributes of the ⁓ qualities of vampires is the sense of style and aesthetics and being fashionists and being ⁓ Lynn: and you HEAL: I think research a more esterized and more refined taste. So I wonder what do you do, what else apart of being your daily life and the things that you do, if there is any other passion or any other thing that you enjoy doing. Amelie: There's a lot of things that I enjoy doing and there's a lot of things that I hate doing. ⁓ I have always, I always spend someone... I like creating things since I was... Since I a child, I loved coloring books. Lynn: that right? ⁓ Amelie: And then I loved sewing. I used to sew clothes for my dolls. It was very bad stitching, but I still did it. My grandma used to just leave me to it. used to love dance and My grandma wanted me to become an actress because she said that I was so dramatic and I was such a great dancer. And, but obviously when you're a kid, it's so easy to like say this to kids. When I was a little bit older, I always pushed my mom to be in groups and dance because I love dancing, but I was living in a very small town. So there was not that much. I did some jazz dancing and did some gymnastics and stuff, but it wasn't, you know, crazy. I did theater as well. Anything where I could just be a different character or fool around or maybe be in someone else's shoes. I really like that. And obviously when ⁓ you up, it gets little more limited because then you have to go to school. But after my school, I decided to study fashion. ⁓ So I've been sewing for many, years. And after that, I moved, I mean, I moved to London and when you're in London, you don't really have time to do a lot of things. You don't have time or space. ⁓ I do regret that I moved to London because I didn't have time or space to be very creative. But at the same time, ⁓ experienced so many other things. So ⁓ regrets. I should not regret things. But, HEAL: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Amelie: in London eventually I found so I sick for a while and I had have surgery right and surgery like they had to cut through my abdominal and my friend really into like belly dancing and at that time she was like ⁓ whenever you get better, we should do belly dance together. But she liked to belly dance the traditional belly dance and I because she would be watching a lot of like YouTube videos and I really liked the tribal fusion style because I really liked the whole arms and things. And you know, when I got better, I was kind of nagging her to do it with me. But then it just HEAL: Yeah. Amelie: It was just postponed. So I started dancing on my own and then I lost her as a friend and gained loads of other friends. And I was dancing for many, many years. was learning, performing and things. And I really liked that, but it was, it's very full on cause I just didn't, I didn't realize that it was that full on cause it looked so easy, but it's just absolutely not. HEAL: Mm-hmm. Amelie: I think like during the, during the lockdowns, obviously we were not able to perform. So that kind of stopped. So I was doing a lot of things at home, but it just, it just fizzled out. It fizzled out. But during that time, because I had to do a lot of costume jewelry, I started doing ⁓ I was, HEAL: Mm-hmm. ⁓ wow. Amelie: So I had very small goals in my life. And one of the goals in my life, the highest goal in my life ⁓ to live in Belsize Park in my own flat. ⁓ just such a stupid goal. ⁓ I finally got, thank you lockdown. Me for personally, the fact that, you know, the rents went down during the lockdowns. ⁓ So I able to move to this Lynn: Thank Hmm. Amelie: attic flat in Park and freaking loved it and I think because the way space was, just made me feel very, very creative ⁓ and ⁓ there feel I ⁓ continued dancing and started doing my jewelry and I could do it day and night. I was just doing random things and I never ⁓ stopped. HEAL: Mm-hmm. Amelie: making jewelry. So I went from doing more costume stuff, costume jewelry for the dance. And then I always wanted to put in this spiritual aspects to it. So I started doing different beads and things And now ⁓ I've learned to make silver as well. And I always kind of ⁓ intertwine the spiritual aspect. with the jewelry so even if it might just look like normal, always something that I put in. It's not cursed or anything like that. Lynn: Unless you pay Amelie off before buying, then it might be. Amelie: Yeah, you might want to sage it before you wear it or something. HEAL: So you are working with silver, your nemesis. I think they can kill you. Yeah. Amelie: I mean, ⁓ really, ⁓ because silver... ⁓ HEAL: No, I'm kidding because in all the vampire stories it's the silver bullet or something like that. Amelie: That's exactly what I was about to say. That's werewolves. That's werewolves. So when you see in the movies that... I'm very funny when it comes to like vampire when I'm watching movies and stuff because every so often there's certain things that they do and I'm just like, no, that's not right. No, that's not right. It just really annoys me and that's one of the things. ⁓ Lynn: That's werewolves. That's werewolves. don't... They don't... My silver. Vampires are okay. HEAL: I know some werewolves. ⁓ For you, yeah. Yeah. Amelie: No, it's the werewolves, the werewolves. Vampires are fine. HEAL: You Lynn: you HEAL: So you're still working with silver and your jewelry and you know. So what is your favorite piece? A or earrings or rings? What is the thing that you do? Amelie: Yes. Yes. I do and I do earrings and rings. I ⁓ ⁓ I rings, I like to make them bespoke because of the as well. do ⁓ make, sometimes do things ⁓ randomly. ⁓ mean silver not, an expensive material to work ⁓ in the first place. ⁓ I... HEAL: Yes, that's I said. Mm-hmm. Amelie: It gets, sometimes I get anxiety sometimes because ⁓ my God, if I this up, I messed this up. But that's something I have to work through it. You just have to believe in yourself and you just have to ⁓ undo it. HEAL: It's part of your creative process anyway, you know. Yeah, yes. Amelie: Yeah, I think you have to do it. when you're in a zone, when you create something and you're really in it, it's almost someone else's, you kind of fall asleep and something else takes over your hands and you just do it. And that it makes it like a meditation almost. So sometimes HEAL: Mm-hmm. Amelie: some pieces more than others. Sometimes I really feel when I look at a finished piece, I feel like I did not do it like someone else did it. This ring that I normally wear, when I this ring, I ⁓ was doing for ⁓ That's another thing. It time and patience because you have to wait and there's a lot of HEAL: Okay. Beautiful. Amelie: little aspects to it, which makes it that you have to be very precise and so into it. So it takes you to like the space of just like meditating, but also doing it. And you forget that you're doing it. And when you look at it, it's, it's in a different stage. ⁓ really love that. And the fact that I feel like what HEAL: Mm. Mm. Amelie: I didn't really do this because I criticised myself very harshly. I was like, ⁓ yeah, you did it. ⁓ it's not good enough. It's not good enough. But when you get into this space of disconnecting from that, it's much better. But also ⁓ the reason I like working with silver is because I find it's such a material that is alive in a way because of the it oxidises and HEAL: Mm. Amelie: My mom, for example, she does not like, she's a gold person, she loves gold. But I really love how, you know, when you wear silver, it oxidizes in a way of how you wear it. If you leave it, it will oxidize differently, you know, it and you can polish it off if you want to. There's just so many. It's just such a interesting material in itself. HEAL: I feel like organic, isn't it? Like alive. Amelie: Yes, it feels alive and yeah I find it really fascinating and also the aspects of it purifies so ⁓ it's an as well so it's a really interesting material as such you can use it for so many different things. HEAL: Yes, it is. Yes, yes. Amelie: But yeah, think creativity is an important aspect of my life, no matter what it is. HEAL: Thank you. Thank you, Amelie. Thank you. Luigi: I have ⁓ a complicated question for you. I don't even know how to phrase it. Thank you. I don't even know how to phrase it properly, but basically, I obviously throughout the years have experienced you ⁓ a ⁓ of shadow and or darkness. Amelie: ⁓ dear. I wouldn't expect less. Lynn: you Luigi: I won't put any labels to it, but it's these things that come to mind when I reflect on our conversations or our interactions and even when it comes to mind like, ⁓ let me think about Amelie. And then the colors that come through are usually purple and ⁓ black usually those mysterious colors. ⁓ I wonder if you're able to tell us in your own words, what your view of ⁓ shadow? and or darkness either as principles or archetypes or myths beliefs and so forth in view and in your experience. What is your view of them ⁓ and do they represent for you in your life? Amelie: That's interesting. Never really thought about that maybe. I have feeling that maybe my view is slightly different because I do feel I'm misunderstood many times because when people think about darker aspect or something dark they think it's something is evil, that is bad. ⁓ HEAL: So, yeah. Amelie: and that is almost destructive in a way ⁓ something that wants to destroy something that is good in a way or something that is imposing. I see it ⁓ that at all. for me, darker aspects ⁓ is more like Luigi mentioned when he was doing it's like the the trauma in me maybe ⁓ made, ⁓ me very, not negative, maybe realistic or maybe see things in a different way. I ⁓ to when something has darker aspects, it means that it has And honesty. I find it honest, straightforward, without something that is not trying to hide because he wants to please ⁓ other And I that it's aspects of a person or life or whatever. I mean, everything has, I find darker and lighter aspects, like people, you know, talk about good and evil. I just find that darkness or the shadow when people talk about work, example, it's not about uncovering, you know, the bad things about yourself. It's not uncovering these addictions or it's not about being, decadent and just evil and, just burn your life very quickly and just like, yeah, exactly. it's not like, you know, drinking wine all day Lynn: an apple. Amelie: ⁓ I always felt like ⁓ the, the, the in movies. Absolutely. always had better clothes. have, you know, better vehicles. they cool. They don't take any shit, but I also found like better stuff, everything, you know, and ⁓ exactly. ⁓ Luigi: songs. Lynn: better stories, better reasons. Amelie: And they always, find many times they just, yeah, and misunderstood. find them very misunderstood. nobody seems to understand them. therefore they need to, they basically to their battles by themselves unless they have that little crazy helper, you know, that little sidekick that they always ⁓ have. But I ⁓ was... Luigi: Yeah. Lynn: side kicking. Amelie: Yeah, think when of think ⁓ Luigi will maybe recognise this a little bit. When I was very, young, I saw a movie, it's like a three ⁓ part movie about Merlin. It's quite old, it's not too... with, is it Neil Young? it's pretty I think Bohem Carter is there and stuff. it, ⁓ Sam Neill, Sam Neill, I knew was something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a very mainstream movie, I guess, something that really clicked for me when I was watching it was Queen Mab. Lynn: I love that. HEAL: Yes. Luigi: Sam Neill, Sam Neill plays him. Lynn: Some new, some new. Amelie: To me, how on earth can you see her as evil? I do not understand how you can see her as evil. To me, she's the old ways, how things used to be before, how you used to be one with nature, with magic. understand things, use it to your advantage when it's there, how to speak to things. just ⁓ ever understood why and even her sister, right? The lady of the lake was against her and it's like, hold on, you know, you loyalty exactly what happened to loyalty there? You're basically telling her your sister Luigi: What happened to loyalty? Amelie: to die because someone else a better view of things. I Christianity, I don't know. And this something that I, ⁓ this how see the darkness and the is like Queen Mab I think this is a good, good way of explaining it is like the, these dark that people say it's and stuff, but actually It's just something very almost primal and you're just one with nature. And this is where magic comes because you're connected to everything. And this ⁓ is I do not understand. To me, it's not. Luigi: Thank you for that. Lynn: Do you remember if there was any point of your life where you started to be attracted to that kind of darkness, this other aspect? Or has it always been there since you were a child? Or do you remember there was something particular? Because you mentioned in Poland with the myths of the vampire and that is naturally also something that's considered a darker aspect. But also now... Queen Mab suppose that was later in your life. do you recall any kind of particular? That's it. I'm done with the lie ⁓ the pretension. Amelie: think it's very difficult to ⁓ kind pinpoint. I didn't pick it as a fascination, I think. I like it just came to me and ⁓ we ⁓ had conversations about this before, but I think were when we were talking about dreams. I used to have this reoccurring dream I must've been maybe ⁓ three years or somewhere there. And this dream like being buried alive in one of those church things walls were coming and it just reoccurring. And don't feel like at that age, I couldn't have you know, made it happen. I don't understand how when you were a kid, like how I didn't watch any nothing that I can remember, any spooky films or anything I just think I always had. There was always something, see, I don't want to be like too sad, but I always felt like when I was a kid, adults were always trying to be nice or trick you with sugar or something nice. But it was always a trick to get you to either go away or be quiet or it was always. it never felt genuine. So I therefore never really believed when it comes to love and light vibes only I can't do it because to me that's being You're not being honest if you say good only. ⁓ and you don't want to hear about, the, the opposite things or hear about darker things. To me, not being honest with yourself. There's something that you're trying to hide or there's something you're trying to suppress. And ⁓ that's not for you. But I think, It must have been my dreams that triggered it. Maybe because I was so young and I was dreaming this, as scared as maybe others would be when you are older and you're starting to read or discover. And I didn't even ⁓ think ⁓ this is so dark or this is not accepted or strange. just didn't, I heard it from. ⁓ Lynn: nature to you. Amelie: Yeah, I I just, I just felt more like it was more honest. Yeah. And also, you know, pop. Yeah, I know. I know. Lynn: makes sense to me. Yeah, yeah, ⁓ you. you for that. HEAL: think that is little bit complex defined where darkness is star and where light starts. So I think they work together as you are talking about wholeness, to make a whole that not only to choose one path, but recognize the other side in order to be yourself. more of who you are and how both aspects of yourself make you a whole. So I where do you feel you are in your evolutionary process, in your path right now, in your life? What is the purpose for you of your darkness? Where are you ⁓ if you say and light? But I would like to know in your evolutionary process, in your path, where are you right now? Amelie: here. HEAL: Mm-hmm. Lynn: That's it, that's answer, Proceed. is actually very deep. Amelie: That's it, that's it, I'm here. HEAL: Yeah It's a perfect answer. Yes. Lynn: relevant. ⁓ Amelie: But if you need me to elaborate... HEAL: No, thank you. No, no, because when you say I'm in the darkness or I'm the recognized darkness, it's somehow you have to recognize what is darkness because there is light as well. So for that I say there is very difficult and nuanced to see where light and where darkness starts. To me, it's a compliment. go, do you evolve through darkness or do you evolve Lynn: No. HEAL: through light, you know. where are you right now? ⁓ What the things that motivate you? What is the things ⁓ that are going ahead? What is the thing that you are looking for? Amelie: I've been resolving a lot of trauma of things that I have been through and suppressed for a very long time, I think. I don't want to get, too deep or too, it's not a sad or anything, but I think it's a process of getting to know yourself and not knowing yourself just by, ⁓ this is me because... HEAL: Mm-hmm. No, yeah in detail, no need, yeah. Amelie: I wear this and I like this music and this image thing. Getting to know yourself on a level and realizing that, you know, there are certain things that you've been through and putting yourself through this kind of emotion again, to see, understand why, and maybe even understand others that HEAL: Mm-hmm. Amelie: would have been through something similar understanding. You sometimes when you, when some people go through something, they feel angry or they just suppress it. So they go the opposite because it's certain things just difficult to process. But I, I've been processing things for, for a while now that, I should have probably done before, but I think it's also when you have a hectic life and things just happen, you know? also maybe it happens with age. A lot of people do say when you have a certain age, you start understanding things in a different way. So maybe that's also an aspect. But I I have to start with myself because if I'm in a position of certain things are uncomfortable or I don't want to talk about it. Or, you know, if someone else talks about something and it kind of triggers you and you become like very, protective of something or then I want to know why, what, what makes me so triggered or why can't I listen to someone that has ⁓ the view is ⁓ opposite to what is this triggering? HEAL: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Amelie: doesn't mean that you have to in whatever the other person says. It's about just yeah, I can listen to you. I understand where you're coming from. I don't in that, but that interesting, you know? And I don't know, it's like, I really hate the word empath. ⁓ I really do. Because it just... it's it's very misused. I find that going through this and ⁓ of unlocking these little traumas and these things. makes me, kind of put myself into people's and understanding them, where they're coming from and understanding where they might need, I wouldn't say help because I'm not I'm not someone that is like, ⁓ hey, I'll let me help you. You know, but I like sometimes, like we said, this whole devil's advocate is one of the things, but ⁓ it's to be able to ⁓ maybe or at least I think ⁓ I and kind of trigger something within that person to, so they help themselves because I think you kind of need that process. ⁓ if you a kid don't touch that, that's hot. They will still want to try and touch it. because they don't understand that it's hot, but if they feel that actually it's hot, they won't do it. You have to experience certain things in life, I think it's not like I planned this to be a purpose for me, but I really find that there are people when you feel like you're not part of anything there's not not you just don't feel understood at all and it's so nice to ⁓ maybe talk someone that ⁓ understands at one aspect of something and just ⁓ kind of like makes it HEAL: Yeah. Amelie: easier to process I'm not like Adriana that I'm a healer or anything like that but I do have an interest in ⁓ people me and observing people I'm a coffee is one of my favorite things to do that people watching and stuff like that I'm weird like that. ⁓ HEAL: No, but I want to tell you one thing that I not probably, I think I had mentioned it to you a few times, but probably not in the right way, maybe. since I met you, the first time I saw you, ⁓ sat down to do the tarot cards. You had an impact in my life. I want to say thank you to you because I have learned a lot about myself through you. and to accept my darkness and to accept my shadows and to enjoy them, to be honest. And that you did to me. And in that day, we have a conversation and you were talking about the darkness and the evil and the thing like that, that you consider yourself, you were in the dark. But for me, it was an inspiration in like a healing moment. that I said to you, no, thank you, because through your darkness, you work for the light, you bring light to people. you open a little key in myself to say to myself, I am allowed to be and to enjoy the darkness. And it has been great. It has been very liberating. So thank you, Amelie. Thank you. Amelie: You're welcome. My pleasure. HEAL: Hahaha Lynn: really wonderful, things like that doesn't often come. People get the input and they leave your life. So that was actually very lovely to hear. HEAL: No? No. Mm. Luigi: them into your skills. Lynn: We just have to accept the The gratitude is... HEAL: Yes. Yes. No, I know that very little or to nothing to Amelie. But yeah, to me, ⁓ has been applause my life. Amelie: I didn't do anything! No, I just feel like I didn't do anything. Lynn: Yeah, but it's like the catalyst. I think we've talked about this as well and some somewhere, like being like a catalyst, ⁓ a way, just by being and then people processing through you. And that's actually like a big thing ⁓ you really thinking of doing anything. But it's just you, the way that you are and that your energy ⁓ acts ⁓ you consciously. Amelie: The catalyst, yeah. HEAL: you Mm-hmm. Yeah. the impact that you can have for people. Lynn: doing something, you're just doing something. Amelie: I'm not trying to be rude to people or anything, but if there's something I think it just comes out. there's something here that I feel that I just have to say it in a way. And I always try to say things nicest way possible. But if it's something I need to say, I just say it because it just, has to come out. ⁓ Lynn: Yeah, it's a great service. some people will think it's a disservice, it's a great service to the world. Amelie: But maybe in a couple of years time they're like, oh, Amelie said Oh, yeah. HEAL: Yeah. Lynn: Yeah. For sure. sure. ⁓ Luigi: Revelation. So thank you for that, Amelie. My question now for you, which might be less impacting as the one that Adriana gave you just now, ⁓ ⁓ want to ask you ⁓ whatever level you're comfortable sharing, if there's been ⁓ or more if you want, but at least one moment in your life where practice, your craft, or your spirituality, whatever name you want to assign to what makes you magically you, if there's been any time in your life that aspect of yourself, that aspect of your life, that beauty of your life has changed your life. Ideally the better, ideally for good, but it doesn't have to. ⁓ But moment that defined you through your magic, through... Your unique self. Amelie: That's very difficult. I don't know. Like I said, one of our first episodes when I was a young teen, I used to just go to the woods by myself I didn't see as a spiritual thing, but thinking about it now it was, ⁓ I was definitely... HEAL: Hmm. Amelie: not reading, I wasn't reading books on, you know, spirituality as such, but I had books that I was really interested in like different crystals, which was not ⁓ in a spiritual way, but just and crystals in general. And my mum had this book ⁓ different herbs. HEAL: Thank Yeah. Amelie: And I was really young and I really liked the format. And I think I really liked the fact that you could learn something. I was never someone, yeah. Anne Rice, I love reading her that they're obviously they're fictional, but when I normally don't really reading fictional books, I like something you can learn something from. And I think. because I was reading those books I used to like baking as well for some reason. I know it doesn't have anything to do that probably but it's something to do with like ingredients and how you combine things together that it really fascinates me and alchemy there we go ⁓ yes well of favorite cards everyone says it's so boring but I love it Lynn: Alchemy. Embrance. Yeah. Luigi: me. Lynn: you Luigi: Ha ha ha! Amelie: Yeah, and I think me going ⁓ the woods also by myself, I think I felt really free to do things to what I wanted to. I never followed any... I wouldn't say that I never followed any certain ⁓ rituals I think ⁓ at point I had a little book with some spells and things. And I thought, ⁓ that's so cool. I also want to be so cool. So I did some spells, but it was not, it wasn't very, I didn't it very seriously because my, the way I think, and I still think like this, but someone else wrote this and it might work for her. doesn't necessarily work for me. ⁓ I liked it. It's fascinating and can do it and it might work. but I could never feel the connection to things that someone else, you know, it's more like a tool or I then wrote my own ones. So I used to write poetry as well when I was a kid. So just like little things like that. And I think this has really impacted the way saw spirituality because in Poland I obviously born into like Catholic. HEAL: Mm. Mm. Amelie: culture, but my grandma, she believed in angels and guardian angels and she always just tell stories about angels. So I think that kind of detached me from like Christianity as such. And then the fact that I was allowed to go by myself and do my thing. it's a little bit weird to do it as a kid to like do like this. But I really liked it and I really liked the freedom to be able to loud if I wanted to, ⁓ ⁓ if I wanted to, and nobody could see me and nobody had any issues with anything and that made me feel really free. yeah, that ⁓ must be the start my ⁓ or my belief for sure. Luigi: beautiful. Thank you for that. Lynn: Yeah. Yeah. I wonder whether like all of the kids that were just allowed to reign free and just run into the woods and do slightly dangerous stuff turned out to be witches and slightly not enlightened people. there's something here. There is something there. you just go. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. There's a vibe. Yeah. Luigi: There's something about the woods. HEAL: You Lynn: Thank you for that question and answer. I have a little bit of a very different question and you don't have to go long into it at all, but I know you keep mentioning your love for conspiracy theories. So we're not going to talk about them themselves because it's going to be an extra episode. I just want to know what about them? Amelie: Yeah. HEAL: Thank you. Lynn: I mean, can only have, yeah, why I already have things. mean, but just in your own words, think I understand. But in your own words, what is it that fascinates you? But conspiracy theories. Why do you like? Amelie: As in like why? Or... Ha I... So this is something that my mum told me, that since I was ⁓ little, well, since I could speak, which was when I was very little, I started speaking very ⁓ on, she said, I to always drive her absolutely insane by asking why. Lynn: Hmm. Amelie: Like, why is this like this? Yeah, but why is it like this? Yeah, it's blue because yeah, but why, how is it blue? I always question things constantly. And I think what I really like, why I like theories is because ⁓ it's a why to something that, the world is you know, this is how it is, you know. That's, I'm not saying that I believe in everything, but I really love, different aspects and the rabbit holes. ⁓ they are so deep and I love it. And I I do question the world and I do question what is being said to us and how it's being presented and how things are. question all the time. there some absolutely ⁓ mad theories out there, but there's also a lot of conspiracy theories I find that were called conspiracy theories, but are now true. So I think it's just very healthy to, to keep your mind open because you know, things are really what they seem. Lynn: Mm. Amelie: And also it's fun, so why not? Lynn: Yeah, that. Great, great answer. makes a lot of sense. will pass out. Thank you for that. Thank Amelie: Yeah, I'm not going to go into any conspiracy theories because Yeah, you will. HEAL: You No. ⁓ I love you, Amelie. I know that we have very different personalities, but I find you so and so genuine and so authentic. I would like to know why did you start with tarot? What did it attract you to tarot? What is the means for you working with tarot and being so creative as you are? Are you going to design your own deck? Amelie: I mean I'm not that good at drawing I have like I have I so- ⁓ Lynn: make it is true. Amelie: Yeah, work together with an AI. No, I'm kidding. I actually, had, I do have half a deck that it's kind of, I've been, was doing. But it's one of those, you know, when you use like old non-copyrighted paintings, I know that there's a few decks out there like this, but I never feel like they are picking the Lynn: Thank you. HEAL: This is. Amelie: Picture I find would go with that card. So I started doing my own then I realized that I did it in the wrong like So I have to like redo the the format and So just stopped it because it just got too boring, but maybe one day I'll you know do that. I have done my ⁓ the Thoth I redone it but it's I haven't like done the actual deck I just done a different layout because I really didn't like the white borders. I find it so distracting so I did them burgundy instead so it just feels like nice and warm and old. ⁓ What made me start? trying to remember. I HEAL: So why do you want to try to talk to Amelie: Obviously, like I was reading about because of all these different books, you know, I actually read a tarot book book before I had a tarot deck. But then I was quite young, You know, when you when you have like a I don't know, maybe because we come from different places, it's hard to know if everyone did it. But in Sweden, they used to kind of put you for a week or sometimes two at a workplace just to see if you of trial like a work trial trial thing. It wasn't like you were definitely working. It was just a trial thing ⁓ and could pick whatever place you wanted and they was this the spiritual like the the woo-woo shop the woo-woo shop of the town basically and Lynn: Thank Amelie: I was like, I want to be there because I thought that would be so cool. at first I thought I'm just, I'm basically like pulling their legs. They will never ⁓ allow to be there. And I asked the owner, I went into the shop and I was like, like, we have these, you know, work. ⁓ was okay, you can come. She was fine with it. And I, I there I there for... a week or two weeks, I'm not really sure, but doesn't really matter. ⁓ had everything in that shop, everything. The woo-woo shop you can think of. Obviously she had tarot cards there and ⁓ everything. she was very spiritual. really loved the Native American spirits. ⁓ And she had a of Lynn: Amazing. HEAL: Okay. Amelie: friends as well who used to come in there mediums and and ⁓ woo-woo used to come in have coffee with her and it was the ⁓ best to spend your day at it was it was yeah was ⁓ great it was I it ⁓ and ⁓ she was character super nice woman and I HEAL: Orcas Pena's. Lynn: Yeah. Amelie: Obviously I was really into vampires, right? So obviously I told her I'm not really into vampires. And she was like, ⁓ I have a tarot deck that you might like. There's vampires. So she had, she had a book of different, cause obviously they had to like order things into the shop. Show me this book. She flicked through and there was like this deck with vampires in it. I like, ⁓ I want one. So she specifically ordered it for me. I think my mom has it somewhere, I'm not sure. But I, it's out of print, but it's still around. And yeah, I really loved it, because there were vampires on it. I know it's like the best deck ever. But it's interesting. Then I did get like the Smith deck as but it was mainly with this vampire tarot that I, it just, I just loved it. I was like, tarot vampires. It just felt so cool. But at the same time, I had no idea what I was doing. I was just like winging it because I couldn't find proper books. Like there was books, but I just never like reading. I don't know. I'm still a little bit like that. I just reading a book and it says, okay, HEAL: ⁓ no. Amelie: This card means this and this and this. I find books are much better now. And I think this is why I like the Thoth deck because there's more about symbols. So there's more what symbols is rather than this card is a woman, is a woman that is sad. So if you get this card, you're going to be sad and lonely. Like I don't like ⁓ these kind books and most of them were like that. HEAL: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. Amelie: So I kind of made up my own thing, but obviously now I've been reading more. was a vampire tarot deck that got me into tarot. Lynn: naturally. couldn't have been anything else. HEAL: Yes. I am not surprised at all. At least there is consistency through all your life. Yes. It's fantastic. It's an intrinsic style, you know. Yes. It's ⁓ seductive, very seductive. Yeah. Amelie: Naturally. It's kind of lame, but it's true. Lynn: That is consistency, like a red thread. It's a vein. Pulsating and alive. Amelie: Yes. It's a, it's it's a, it's a, it's a vein. Luigi: Yeah. HEAL: Thank you, dear. Lynn: Hmm Luigi: I have a last question for you. I was going to ask you ⁓ you've always practiced your spirituality alone. Amelie: Yeah. a it's a very, it's a very, exactly. End of interview. I have, ⁓ Lynn: End of the interview. ⁓ HEAL: Hehehehehe Lynn: Yes. Amelie: I have always practiced everything by myself and alone and it's not because I want to be alone I feel like I have not found a place, a group, because obviously when there is a group you have to submit to something that you probably maybe are not really 100 % on board with, I always find that there's always an aspect of something that I'm just like, why are you doing this? And also, if you question people, I'm sure that they don't like it because it's their group. So you can't like, excuse me, I don't want to do this because I don't and it's like spirituality. So I don't want to do something just out of doing it. I don't know, it's just really weird. used to have a friend that she was really into witches, so I have read the Wiccan Bible as well when I was younger, and she really into witchcraft and stuff, she liked doing ⁓ potions and... That's basically I find it potent when I'm myself. I think, yeah, social aspect, like beltane for you know, you can and celebrate like a seasonal thing together. It's a completely different thing because there's a social aspect to it. I think when if you really want to connect with something higher or something that is sacred to I find you kind of have to be by yourself because HEAL: Mm-hmm. Amelie: I connect to something not outside of me. I connect to something that is within me. And real is when I'm by myself. HEAL: Yeah, I'm totally agree. Amelie: And maybe also there's maybe also an aspect of being aware that someone else is in the space. So it's a bit distracting when you're by yourself, it's just so much stronger. And I think one of the things that I would love to do is to meditate in one of those sensory deprivation. HEAL: Coffins? Amelie: sensory deprivation tanks. think, yeah. Lynn: Yeah, the tanks, the floaty tank. Yeah, that would be interesting. Yeah, I would like to do that too, just to experience it. It's different. Yeah, I think you mentioned that. We need to make it happen. HEAL: Yes. Amelie: Yeah, me too. Me too. This whole like void darkness by yourself. Lynn: Yeah. Yeah. HEAL: I love it. Luigi: sounds so serene Amelie: It just... It... Cozy. Lynn: people will get panic in there. ⁓ HEAL: No, for me that is a fantasy, it's a dream, yeah. Amelie: And this is... And this is exactly, this is exactly I find the aspect of if you're, good vibes only, this means that you're suppressing something. I think, ⁓ yeah, you will, you, you're person that cannot be by yourself when it's quiet, then there's definitely something you have that you need to work on. I'm not saying to be rude or anything, but there's definitely something that you Luigi: It's like a holiday. Lynn: Mm. It'll come out. Mmm. HEAL: Mm-hmm. Lynn: Mm. Amelie: because you should be able to feel calm and peaceful when you're by yourself and it's quiet. And I think a lot of people find that very difficult. Lynn: Hmm. Hmm. yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, thank you, Amelie. That was... ⁓ we know so much more about you. Whoo! Well, you guys also for tuning in and listening. Like, subscribe, below about what you... Luigi: Thank you for the family. Amelie: Phew. HEAL: Like us? Like us? Lynn: What you felt weird and what you resonate with and how do you see a darkness for yourself? Thanks for ⁓ coffee Buy dark coffee, you can buy us dark coffee ⁓ the link is in our description. ⁓ thank you so much for tuning in and See again in the next rabbit hole. Good night Amelie: dark coffee. you You HEAL: You Good night, bye. Amelie: Bye.