Latest / Naughty But Nice with Rob Shuter / Special Bonus Episode: Why Don’t We Feel Smart?
Transcript
- 0:08Speaker 1: Scable advice shog nice. Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome to
- 0:17Speaker 1: the Naughty but Nice Show. I'm your host, Mark Lippilly Lupo,
- 0:21Speaker 1: and today is a special bonus episode where I'm turning
- 0:25Speaker 1: the tables on Rob and asking him all of the
- 0:28Speaker 1: questions to celebrate his new book, The Four Word Answer,
- 0:32Speaker 1: which you can order right now on Amazon dot Com. Now.
- 0:35Speaker 1: Rob has worked with some of the biggest stars in
- 0:37Speaker 1: the world, Jennifer Lopez, p Did, Alicia Keys, Jessica Simpson
- 0:42Speaker 1: and even British Royalty, and now in his first book
- 0:45Speaker 1: out this week, he promises to make you the start
- 0:48Speaker 1: of your own life. Rob. Hello and congratulations. Hey Mark,
- 0:55Speaker 1: thank you for doing this. It feels a little strange
- 0:57Speaker 1: to be in the other state, but I know I'm
- 0:59Speaker 1: in very, very good hands. There are no questions off limits.
- 1:03Speaker 1: You've had the events of the book, You've read the book,
- 1:05Speaker 1: so anything you want to ask about the book, it's
- 1:07Speaker 1: all up to you. Let's go. It's two times. It
- 1:10Speaker 1: is t time. I'm so excited to be interviewing you.
- 1:13Speaker 1: This is so exciting. So we've been talking about this
- 1:16Speaker 1: book for a long time, but can you explain what
- 1:19Speaker 1: is the foreword Answer? It's a it's a really good question,
- 1:22Speaker 1: the most important questions. So every successful person I have
- 1:25Speaker 1: ever met could describe themselves who they are in just
- 1:30Speaker 1: for words. It's the most important question anyone is ever
- 1:35Speaker 1: going to ask themselves. Who are you? Who are you?
- 1:38Speaker 1: In just four words. So entire marketing departments, PR departments,
- 1:43Speaker 1: branding departments, I've worked in many of them. We had
- 1:46Speaker 1: one job, and that was to try and figure out
- 1:49Speaker 1: who our clients were and then promote that. I can say,
- 1:54Speaker 1: only those comfortable enough in their own skin knew the answer,
- 1:59Speaker 1: and only those that knew the answer would be successful,
- 2:02Speaker 1: which is why it is essential that we all know
- 2:05Speaker 1: who we are who are you? And you've got to
- 2:08Speaker 1: be able to answer it. And just for words. I
- 2:12Speaker 1: love that. And like you said, I am lucky enough
- 2:14Speaker 1: to have gotten an advanced copy of the book and
- 2:16Speaker 1: I absolutely loved reading it. But there was one chapter
- 2:20Speaker 1: that we that really kind of spoke to me, and
- 2:23Speaker 1: it's the importance of making one of your forewords smart. Now,
- 2:28Speaker 1: why don't we feel smart? That's a really, really, really
- 2:32Speaker 1: interesting point. I think the most foolish thing I ever
- 2:36Speaker 1: did was spending too much time believing that I wasn't smart.
- 2:40Speaker 1: That smart was a personality trait that was in your DNA.
- 2:43Speaker 1: You're either born smart or you were not. And I
- 2:46Speaker 1: always felt like I wasn't born smart. And then my
- 2:49Speaker 1: teachers sort of confirmed that at school, I was not
- 2:52Speaker 1: an excellent student, and so I just figured out I'm
- 2:55Speaker 1: not smart. The problem is when you when you get
- 2:58Speaker 1: to that conclusion, When you reach that that conclusion, you
- 3:01Speaker 1: just stopped trying. So I needed a whole new way
- 3:05Speaker 1: of thinking about being smart. And actually the person that
- 3:09Speaker 1: taught me this was Jessica Simpson, somebody who I think
- 3:11Speaker 1: the media people think is a ditzie blonde. No, she's
- 3:15Speaker 1: the smartest person I've ever met because her definition of
- 3:18Speaker 1: smart is the willingness to try. Jessica keeps trying, so
- 3:22Speaker 1: she might be vulnerable, she might feel frightened, but she
- 3:25Speaker 1: never stops trying. Smart people fail all the time. Again,
- 3:31Speaker 1: smart people fail all the time, but they don't care
- 3:35Speaker 1: what other people say about them. I thought this was
- 3:38Speaker 1: really interesting. Michael Jordan's said that he has missed more
- 3:44Speaker 1: than nine thousand shots in his career. He's failed over
- 3:48Speaker 1: and over and over again. That's why he believes he
- 3:52Speaker 1: now has succeeded. It is smart to try. It is
- 3:56Speaker 1: smart to try. You are so right, and you know,
- 3:58Speaker 1: Rob in your book to you talk about the choice
- 4:01Speaker 1: we all have to make in our life, and that
- 4:03Speaker 1: choice is between courage and comfort. Now it kind of
- 4:06Speaker 1: relates back to trying, failing, and trying again. Tell me
- 4:10Speaker 1: about that choice. It's really really hard. You have to
- 4:13Speaker 1: make a choice in life. You have to decide if
- 4:15Speaker 1: you want to be comfortable or if you're going to
- 4:16Speaker 1: have the courage to try. So comfort is a much
- 4:19Speaker 1: easier option, and a lot of people pick comfort. And
- 4:22Speaker 1: often we dismiss this as being lazy, but that's not true.
- 4:26Speaker 1: The reason you don't make any changes in your life,
- 4:29Speaker 1: the reason you don't get off the couch, is not
- 4:31Speaker 1: because you're lazy. It's because you're scared. So often in
- 4:35Speaker 1: my life, when I chose not to do something, when
- 4:37Speaker 1: I chose to stay in, when I chose to sit
- 4:39Speaker 1: on the couch, when I decided in a meeting not
- 4:42Speaker 1: to raise my hand, I wasn't being lazy, Mark. I
- 4:46Speaker 1: was scared. I was frightened that everybody would think I
- 4:49Speaker 1: was stupid, which I now know I am not. Thanks
- 4:52Speaker 1: to Jessica, I know I'm smart. You've got to pick
- 4:55Speaker 1: which one you want to be in life. Pick courage
- 4:58Speaker 1: or comfort. One is a safe move, of one is
- 5:00Speaker 1: a smart move. And in the book, we're going to
- 5:04Speaker 1: teach you how to always pick courage. Always pick courage.
- 5:10Speaker 1: And in the book too, you write about how working
- 5:12Speaker 1: with did He taught you to start thinking about winning
- 5:15Speaker 1: not losing. Now, I think for some it might be hard,
- 5:18Speaker 1: but you say it's actually really easy. It is easy,
- 5:21Speaker 1: but you've got to train your mind to do it.
- 5:24Speaker 1: So one positive thought at a time, it is the
- 5:26Speaker 1: only way you're going to win the game of life,
- 5:29Speaker 1: reject the negative voices inside your head and instead getting
- 5:34Speaker 1: the habit of playing what I call in the book
- 5:36Speaker 1: the positive mind game. So when a negative thought enters
- 5:40Speaker 1: my mind, I flip it and I suddenly decided to
- 5:43Speaker 1: look at it a different way and think of something positive.
- 5:47Speaker 1: Oscar Wilde said the following, and I love this quote.
- 5:49Speaker 1: The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the whole.
- 5:54Speaker 1: Mark I love dirt when I see one, I don't
- 5:57Speaker 1: notice the whole. I noticed the delicious stone. So look
- 6:01Speaker 1: at the positive stuff in life. You can get angry
- 6:03Speaker 1: about silly stuff sit in your life. If you get
- 6:06Speaker 1: a Starbucks and somebody cuts in front of you, or
- 6:08Speaker 1: you get the wrong order, you get really angry and
- 6:11Speaker 1: mad about it. Don't do that. Look at it from
- 6:13Speaker 1: a different angle and say to yourself, I can afford
- 6:15Speaker 1: a seven dollar cup of coffee. Growing up, I never
- 6:18Speaker 1: thought I could afford to waste money on coffee. So
- 6:21Speaker 1: circumstances might be out of your control, but the way
- 6:24Speaker 1: you react to them, it's not out of your control.
- 6:27Speaker 1: That is up to you. Another little trick that I
- 6:30Speaker 1: teach you in the book is I started to write
- 6:32Speaker 1: down every single day when I complained. Had a little
- 6:37Speaker 1: journal and I wrote, and I added up all the
- 6:40Speaker 1: minutes that went on to hours that I wasted each
- 6:44Speaker 1: day complaining it's not good. Replace the good with the bad.
- 6:49Speaker 1: Do you know this book? Eat this? Not that? By
- 6:52Speaker 1: David's income, He's made a fortune doing these books. I
- 6:56Speaker 1: went to his book party and I was in the
- 6:58Speaker 1: bathroom and it was a sort the fun event, but
- 7:00Speaker 1: you know, one of those New York events where everyone's
- 7:02Speaker 1: so loud. So I just had a second by myself
- 7:04Speaker 1: in the bathroom and I was looking at the cover
- 7:06Speaker 1: and I realized not. The genius of this book is
- 7:09Speaker 1: it not only tells us not what to do, it
- 7:11Speaker 1: tells us what to do. So my philosophy is think this,
- 7:16Speaker 1: not that, and I think about winning not losing. I
- 7:19Speaker 1: love that. That is so smart. Rob. You know, I
- 7:22Speaker 1: have a therapist and I always I'm constantly working on myself,
- 7:26Speaker 1: but sometimes I do find myself getting into a rut.
- 7:29Speaker 1: And you actually have some really great advice in the
- 7:32Speaker 1: book for when this does happen and how to get
- 7:34Speaker 1: out of it. Tell me about that. Yeah, it happens
- 7:36Speaker 1: a lot. It happens throughout the day, it happens throughout
- 7:39Speaker 1: your life. You decide the moment you start over. So
- 7:42Speaker 1: working with some of the biggest stars in the world
- 7:45Speaker 1: you mentioned some of them j Lo and did, what
- 7:48Speaker 1: they taught me is that they are writing their own book.
- 7:51Speaker 1: And if you think about the book of your life,
- 7:53Speaker 1: it has an unmistakable beginning. You're born, It has a
- 7:57Speaker 1: definite end unfortunately you're dead, and it has a lot
- 8:00Speaker 1: of chapters in between. You decide when to end one
- 8:04Speaker 1: of those chapters. So if something's not going well in
- 8:06Speaker 1: your life, think of it like a chapter in a book.
- 8:09Speaker 1: I want to end this chapter. It can be a
- 8:10Speaker 1: really short chapter, it can be two pages, and end
- 8:13Speaker 1: the chapter and start a new one. Only you have
- 8:16Speaker 1: the power to decide when a new chapter starts and
- 8:20Speaker 1: an old one end. And only you have the power
- 8:23Speaker 1: to decide if you're going to be the victim or
- 8:25Speaker 1: the hero. I didn't want to be a villain mark
- 8:28Speaker 1: in a James Bond movie. I didn't want to play
- 8:31Speaker 1: one of the mean step sisters in Cinderella. I wanted
- 8:35Speaker 1: to be the star of my life. And when I
- 8:36Speaker 1: was a little boy that was full of that optimism,
- 8:39Speaker 1: full of that courage, and somehow life sucked it out
- 8:43Speaker 1: of me. I teach you in the book how to
- 8:46Speaker 1: get back to that moment, because let's face it, watering
- 8:50Speaker 1: dead plants does not bring them back to life. They're dead.
- 8:54Speaker 1: Throw it away and start over. Big things happen when
- 8:58Speaker 1: you make small moll decisions. And also remember too, when
- 9:02Speaker 1: you think you can't do something. Every professional everyone was
- 9:06Speaker 1: once an amateur. There was a time when young Jennifer
- 9:10Speaker 1: Lopez went to dance classes in the Bronx. There was
- 9:15Speaker 1: a time mark when my old client Alicia Keys was
- 9:19Speaker 1: playing a beat up old piano on forty two street
- 9:24Speaker 1: in a one room apartment. And so remember that when
- 9:28Speaker 1: you focus on the next four minutes, the next four
- 9:31Speaker 1: years will take care of themselves. That's right, Bit by
- 9:36Speaker 1: bit and rob. Before we go, I want to ask
- 9:39Speaker 1: you something or talk to you about something that you said.
- 9:41Speaker 1: Every smart person does. I know you because I've known
- 9:44Speaker 1: you for a decade. I know this is something you
- 9:46Speaker 1: do on a regular they said a deadline. Oh, it's
- 9:50Speaker 1: one of the smartest things I learned working with some
- 9:54Speaker 1: really really smart people saying I will do it tomorrow.
- 9:59Speaker 1: That's the easiest way, Mark, to make sure you never
- 10:03Speaker 1: do it at all. It's never gonna happen. And the
- 10:06Speaker 1: reason we do this once again is because we are scared.
- 10:10Speaker 1: It's frightening. It is frightening to follow your dreams, which
- 10:14Speaker 1: is why we convince ourselves day afterday we'll do it.
- 10:17Speaker 1: We'll do it tomorrow, Mark, because it's too scary to
- 10:20Speaker 1: do it now. But if you do that, I guarantee
- 10:23Speaker 1: you're never going to do it. While researching the book,
- 10:27Speaker 1: it's full of celebrity quotes, some amazing things celebrities have said,
- 10:32Speaker 1: and one of the quotes that stopped me in my
- 10:34Speaker 1: tracks was Pablo Picasso, very fancy. He said, quote, only
- 10:40Speaker 1: put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die
- 10:45Speaker 1: having left undone? Has that happened to you, Mark, that
- 10:49Speaker 1: you've put stuff off and you've just never done it. Yeah,
- 10:51Speaker 1: it's true. It gives you, It gives you perspective, and
- 10:53Speaker 1: you know time doesn't stop for anyone. So if you
- 10:56Speaker 1: want to do something, is something is that you care about,
- 10:58Speaker 1: you've got to go for it. Think of it like this.
- 11:00Speaker 1: Think of it excuses. They're just your FEUs trying to
- 11:04Speaker 1: convince you not to do something newer. So the next
- 11:07Speaker 1: time you make an excuse, don't do that. Admits that
- 11:10Speaker 1: you're scared. I admit it to myself. I'm like, well,
- 11:13Speaker 1: that frightens me. You know, when somebody asked me, a
- 11:15Speaker 1: publisher asked me to write a book, I put it
- 11:18Speaker 1: off until tomorrow and then tomorrow, and I never did
- 11:21Speaker 1: it until one day I realized, and I learned this
- 11:25Speaker 1: from Jessica Simpson. I was making excuses because I was scared.
- 11:28Speaker 1: I admitted I was scared. And then do you know
- 11:30Speaker 1: what I did? Mark? I set a deadline. I said,
- 11:33Speaker 1: by the end of next week, I'm going to have
- 11:36Speaker 1: four pages, not a book, five pages, maybe a chapter
- 11:40Speaker 1: by the end of the month. And I sat really
- 11:43Speaker 1: rigid deadlines, and that ensured that my excuses had to disappear.
- 11:48Speaker 1: Because smart people are never too busier to make time
- 11:53Speaker 1: to do something really important, something that they love. Procrastination,
- 11:58Speaker 1: that's not who you are, it's not in your DNA,
- 12:01Speaker 1: it's what you do. So to break the habit of
- 12:05Speaker 1: not doing anything, to set a deadline, and I promise you,
- 12:09Speaker 1: really successful people do this and find time for the
- 12:12Speaker 1: things you really love. I found while doing my research
- 12:16Speaker 1: that Taylor Swift arguably one of the busiest people in
- 12:21Speaker 1: the world. She likes to make snow globes, snow globes herself,
- 12:26Speaker 1: and she said she never ever is too busy to
- 12:30Speaker 1: find a jar, find some water, find some glitter, and
- 12:33Speaker 1: to make a snow globe. Taylor's Swift, Taylor Swift, if
- 12:38Speaker 1: she can find time to do something she loves, then
- 12:42Speaker 1: you can too. I have this new rule in my life,
- 12:45Speaker 1: and we talk about it in the foreword answer. I
- 12:48Speaker 1: never ever say I'm too busy. I say it's not
- 12:52Speaker 1: a priority. Wow, that's because I can find time to
- 12:57Speaker 1: see Madonna. I can find time to watch The Hardashians.
- 13:01Speaker 1: So if I can find an hour a day, an
- 13:03Speaker 1: hour a week to watch my favorite TV show, then
- 13:07Speaker 1: I'm really not too busy to go to the gym.
- 13:09Speaker 1: I'm really not too busy to meet my friends. So
- 13:12Speaker 1: when people text me and invite me out for dinner
- 13:15Speaker 1: or drinks and I want to say I'm too busy,
- 13:18Speaker 1: I say, at least to myself, it's not a priority. Boom.
- 13:23Speaker 1: And if you know who you are in four words,
- 13:25Speaker 1: you'll know what your priorities are. Wouldn't you know who
- 13:27Speaker 1: you are in four words? It's life changing. Mark. I've
- 13:30Speaker 1: been doing this now for over a year. I've never
- 13:33Speaker 1: been happier. I've never been in a better shape physically
- 13:37Speaker 1: or mentally. I start every morning when I brush my
- 13:39Speaker 1: teeth with my four words. I say my four words
- 13:41Speaker 1: into the mirror before I go to bed. At night,
- 13:44Speaker 1: I say my four words. And yes, there are moments
- 13:46Speaker 1: in the day when I mess up and I do
- 13:48Speaker 1: something that I don't think really reflects who I am.
- 13:50Speaker 1: Kind is one of my words, So I say every morning,
- 13:53Speaker 1: Rob Shooter, you are kind. And then throughout the day
- 13:56Speaker 1: there's things that come along that make me a little
- 13:59Speaker 1: bit grumpy. But I stop and I remind myself that
- 14:02Speaker 1: is not me, Rob Shoodn't you are kind? And if
- 14:06Speaker 1: I have to get up from a table and go
- 14:07Speaker 1: to the bathroom and look in the mirror and remind myself,
- 14:10Speaker 1: I do it. Some days I have to remind myself
- 14:13Speaker 1: six or seven times a day, Mark, but start with yourself.
- 14:16Speaker 1: It's crazy to me that we probably know more about
- 14:19Speaker 1: our favorite celebrities that we know about ourselves. We really do.
- 14:24Speaker 1: Like if I showed you pictures of your lips or
- 14:27Speaker 1: your bottom, I bet you could pick Kim Kardashian's bottom
- 14:29Speaker 1: out of a lineup. I bet you could pick Julia
- 14:32Speaker 1: Roberts mouth out of a lineup that you pick your own.
- 14:35Speaker 1: And I couldn't a couple of years ago because I
- 14:37Speaker 1: didn't know who I was. I just didn't know Mark.
- 14:41Speaker 1: And this whole book is about getting you to think
- 14:44Speaker 1: about that. Who are you? Are you naughty? Are you nice?
- 14:49Speaker 1: Are you kind? Are you funny? Are you cheeky? And
- 14:53Speaker 1: that's what I learned from these celebrities. I knew, in
- 14:55Speaker 1: for words, every person I represented. So if the offer
- 14:59Speaker 1: came in for j Lo to do a cover of
- 15:01Speaker 1: a magazine, if it didn't match three of her four words,
- 15:05Speaker 1: we passed. So if it was a frumpy magazine, if
- 15:09Speaker 1: it was a magazine there was really sort of conservative.
- 15:13Speaker 1: That's not the right choice for Jennifer Lopez because I
- 15:15Speaker 1: know who she is. Did he one of his words
- 15:19Speaker 1: is important? Did he thinks of himself as a king?
- 15:22Speaker 1: And so I know who this guy is. Jennifer was sexier,
- 15:27Speaker 1: Jennifer was confident. Alicia Keys had different words, So we
- 15:30Speaker 1: don't all have the same four words. There are certain
- 15:33Speaker 1: words like kind that I think applied to all of
- 15:36Speaker 1: us or should. But then you pick your four words,
- 15:38Speaker 1: and in this book, we're going to go through it.
- 15:40Speaker 1: We're going to pick your four words, and then you're
- 15:43Speaker 1: going to say your four words every morning, every night
- 15:46Speaker 1: before you go to bed, and every time you find
- 15:49Speaker 1: yourself getting annoyed, you're gonna find a mirror or close
- 15:52Speaker 1: your eyes and remind yourself who you are. Rob. I
- 15:58Speaker 1: am so I'm fired Upbraid, I am so excited, and
- 16:01Speaker 1: I can tell everyone at home. You know, I've been
- 16:03Speaker 1: on this journey with you over the past year or
- 16:05Speaker 1: two of doing this this podcast, doing the show, and
- 16:07Speaker 1: I've seen your transformation. You've changed so much. You. You
- 16:11Speaker 1: really have come into your own. You're happy, you're fit,
- 16:13Speaker 1: you're healthy, and I've never seen you shine and the
- 16:16Speaker 1: way that you are right now. You know, I always
- 16:20Speaker 1: sort of was this guy. Just life got in the way,
- 16:23Speaker 1: and I think that happens. I was a really happy
- 16:25Speaker 1: young kid and life got in the way and I
- 16:28Speaker 1: allowed that to happen. And because I worked with some
- 16:31Speaker 1: really big personalities, I got lost. Yeah, I didn't remember
- 16:36Speaker 1: I even existed. In fact, I was no longer Rob Shooter.
- 16:39Speaker 1: I was Jennifer Lopez, I was Alicia Keys, I was Ditty.
- 16:42Speaker 1: I thought I was them, and you never asked. If
- 16:45Speaker 1: you have an overpowering boss, a lot of us can
- 16:47Speaker 1: relate to that. It doesn't have to be a celebrity,
- 16:49Speaker 1: but if you have an overpowering friend and overpowering husband wife,
- 16:54Speaker 1: You've got to find yourself. You've got to remind yourself
- 16:57Speaker 1: who you are. So once you find yourself, mind yourself
- 17:01Speaker 1: who you are every single day. And there will be
- 17:05Speaker 1: moments when you when you mess up. We all have them.
- 17:08Speaker 1: But in those moments, think the character I am, the person,
- 17:12Speaker 1: I am, the hero I am in my book. Would
- 17:15Speaker 1: that person do that right? Now, if you were watching
- 17:17Speaker 1: a movie and suddenly Carrie Bradshaw did something really out
- 17:20Speaker 1: of character, say she wore clothes that were not terribly fashionable.
- 17:25Speaker 1: She would never do that. That is just not who
- 17:27Speaker 1: she is. Who are you? And once you figure that out,
- 17:31Speaker 1: you will be able to recognize all the things you
- 17:33Speaker 1: do that are not in character. And once your life aligns,
- 17:37Speaker 1: once watch you do in life aligns with who you are,
- 17:41Speaker 1: once they connect together together perfectly, and I think at
- 17:45Speaker 1: that point you were unstoppable, and Rob, you were unstoppable,
- 17:49Speaker 1: and you are truly the best. And this book is
- 17:51Speaker 1: even better. Okay, magazine is already calling it the best
- 17:55Speaker 1: self help book ever, and I know they're right because
- 17:57Speaker 1: I read it. So I'll be sure to order your
- 18:00Speaker 1: copy right now on Amazon dot com. And I want
- 18:03Speaker 1: to thank the Nazis and everyone listening for listening to
- 18:06Speaker 1: The Naughty but Nice Show with Mark and Rob, a
- 18:08Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. Don't forget to subscribe on
- 18:12Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you
- 18:15Speaker 1: listen and leave us a review. It really does help.
- 18:18Speaker 1: And all together, now, remember, if you're going to be Nati,
- 18:22Speaker 1: you've got to be nice. It's not even nice with
- 18:28Speaker 1: Rob