Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #682 Amanda Keller's Lightning Round

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#682 Amanda Keller's Lightning Round · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.
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  Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 1: Families dot com, dot you, dad to six daughters and
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  Speaker 1: the author of What Is It Now? My eighth book
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  Speaker 1: is coming out in just a couple of months time,
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  Speaker 1: The Parenting Revolution. Can't wait to talk to you about that.
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  Speaker 1: Amanda Keller is one of Australia's most loved media personalities.
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  Speaker 1: You can hear her if you live in Sydney on
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  Speaker 1: WSFM with Jonesy and Amanda in the mornings. She's been
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  Speaker 1: all over the TV for years and years and years.
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  Speaker 1: And Amanda joined me for a Lightning Round just a
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  Speaker 1: little while ago. I wanted to share with you the
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  Speaker 1: things that we talked about today. Here we are with
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  Speaker 1: Amtda Keller in a Lightning Round replay. Amada, thanks for
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  Speaker 1: joining me on the Happy Families Lightning Round.
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  Speaker 2: Thrilled to be here.
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  Speaker 1: Tell us how many kids you have in how old
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  Speaker 1: they are? Amanda, I have.
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  Speaker 2: Two sons, Liam is twenty one and Jack is nineteen.
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  Speaker 1: Now a well publicized story that you had these kids
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  Speaker 1: through IVF and it was a very very long process
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  Speaker 1: for you. Do you have a favorite child.
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  Speaker 3: I don't have a favorite child, and if I did,
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  Speaker 3: it probably would wax and weigh in and change from
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  Speaker 3: day to day. Liam is very much like my husband.
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  Speaker 3: He's I think, quite linear, clear thinking, droll and dry
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  Speaker 3: in his humor. Jack is probably more like me and
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  Speaker 3: up and down and hilarious, and so I kind of
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  Speaker 3: give in to him.
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  Speaker 2: Liam is wanting of nothing. Jack is wanting of everything.
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  Speaker 3: And I remember growing up and never getting what I wanted,
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  Speaker 3: so often I'll give in to Jack.
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  Speaker 1: I love your insight that he's like you because you're hilarious.
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  Speaker 1: I love that you own that. That's great. Who do
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  Speaker 1: you love the most?
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  Speaker 2: I didn't even think I said that that's terrible.
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  Speaker 1: I picked it up. You love the most your partner,
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  Speaker 1: Harley or your kids?
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  Speaker 2: Different kinds of love. Probably if a train was coming
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  Speaker 2: at us, I'd grab the kids.
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  Speaker 1: Don't tell Harley, I I love it all right now.
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  Speaker 1: This is obviously a tougher question because of your fertility journey.
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  Speaker 1: Ideal number of kids though, I think two.
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  Speaker 2: I think three means a bigger car. I think two,
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  Speaker 2: and you know, harder holidays, all that kind of stuff.
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  Speaker 2: I think too.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, two is convenient, that's for sure. How do
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  Speaker 1: you rate yourself as a parent, Amanda, give yourself a
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  Speaker 1: score out of ten.
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  Speaker 2: Overall, I'd say I'd be a seven.
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  Speaker 1: What's something great that your parents did that you've tried
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  Speaker 1: to continue in your parenting.
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  Speaker 3: My mother and I used to laugh at it, and
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  Speaker 3: I used to sort of sneer at it. Mum always
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  Speaker 3: would say, get your piece of paper in the world's
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  Speaker 3: your oyster, because she missed out on a university education
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  Speaker 3: and so academic things mattered a lot to her. I
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  Speaker 3: was pushed to study hard at Carlingford High School, my
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  Speaker 3: local public high school, and I did study hard. And
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  Speaker 3: I think I've in a way pushed my children. If
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  Speaker 3: I had a child that wasn't reading, or a child
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  Speaker 3: that didn't do their homework, I'd really struggle with that.
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  Speaker 3: So I think I've taken my mum's love of apostrophes
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  Speaker 3: and punctuation and love of education and try, I think
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  Speaker 3: subconsciously or maybe consciously instilled that in them.
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  Speaker 1: Got a fun question for you, Who's the better parent?
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  Speaker 1: You are?
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  Speaker 3: Harley High and I tag team with our parenting. I
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  Speaker 3: was thinking the other day, I was asking him something
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  Speaker 3: about that. I said, do you think I'm too I
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  Speaker 3: shouldn't be.
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  Speaker 2: Doing this or this?
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  Speaker 3: I thought, how hard it is for single parents who
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  Speaker 3: don't have anyone to bounce that stuff off. That's really
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  Speaker 3: that would be very hard because I can't tell whether
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  Speaker 3: I'm being too hard or too indulgent or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 3: I have no gauge on that. So he's much more
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  Speaker 3: pragmatic than I am, and he's much more just getting
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  Speaker 3: on with it than I am. I'm sort of full
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  Speaker 3: of bustering at the word, around the details and around
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  Speaker 3: the fluffy bits, whereas he's pretty straightforward.
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  Speaker 2: So between the two of us and we make a
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  Speaker 2: whole parent.
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  Speaker 1: I love your empathy, and I also love the way
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  Speaker 1: you completely avoided deciding who was better out of you
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  Speaker 1: and Harley. A ha ha me, Okay, what's the hardest thing,
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  Speaker 1: Amanda Kella about being a parent?
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  Speaker 2: I found teaching them to drive one of the hardest things. Yes,
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  Speaker 2: so hard.
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  Speaker 3: Yes that was terrible, and Harley didn't want to do it,
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  Speaker 3: and I didn't want to do it. But it's made
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  Speaker 3: me a terrible passenger. I used to not care about
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  Speaker 3: being a passenger, and now I'm even in an uber,
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  Speaker 3: I'm jumpy and I'm looking at where.
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  Speaker 2: The curb is. I found that bit really hard.
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  Speaker 3: And there's a guy that a whole of my friends
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  Speaker 3: were using who would help them kids get the hours
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  Speaker 3: up without you having to do it. I love the
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  Speaker 3: idea of being in a car with my sons and driving,
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  Speaker 3: but when they're learning to drive, it's not that it's
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  Speaker 3: I wasn't calm.
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  Speaker 2: I made them stressed. It was terrible. I think I
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  Speaker 2: found that one of the hardest bits.
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  Speaker 1: I'm a parenting expert. I'm not supposed to get mad
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  Speaker 1: at my kids. I'm supposed to know how to do
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  Speaker 1: all this sort of stuff. But as I've taught my
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  Speaker 1: kids to drive, I've found that my capacity to be
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  Speaker 1: patient and kind when my life is in danger every
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  Speaker 1: fourteen seconds is almost zero. And I've found things coming
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  Speaker 1: out of my mouth that I just don't I don't
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  Speaker 1: say these things. I especially don't say these things about
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  Speaker 1: all to my children, and sure enough I was doing it.
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  Speaker 1: I love your answer on that question. Thank you.
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  Speaker 3: I think I called out, oh, you're freaking idiot in
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  Speaker 3: my own child.
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  Speaker 1: It wasn't someone out the window. It was the beginning
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  Speaker 1: side the car. Amanda now that your kids are of age.
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  Speaker 1: If you could spend an hour with your children at
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  Speaker 1: any age, what age would you choose?
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  Speaker 2: And why is it just an hour?
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  Speaker 1: Do you know what? Yes, but we've had other people
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  Speaker 1: who have extended it for a week, let's say, a
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  Speaker 1: period of time.
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  Speaker 3: I think only because I'm in the hormonal drop zone
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  Speaker 3: of my children leaving home.
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  Speaker 2: I love.
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  Speaker 3: I have mixed emotions when I see little toddlers at
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  Speaker 3: the beach with their parents and the toddler reaches up
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  Speaker 3: to hold mum's hand and they're running around with.
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  Speaker 2: Their little baby voices and they sit on your lap.
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  Speaker 2: I miss that. I just miss it.
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  Speaker 3: I think probably one day of that would be great.
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  Speaker 3: And then one day maybe at ten and eight, where
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  Speaker 3: they're funny and it's easy, and you go, oh.
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  Speaker 2: We're in the drop zone. I think ten and eight
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  Speaker 2: of the drop zone. That was brilliant.
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  Speaker 3: But we just recently went to Hamilton Island for a
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  Speaker 3: holiday and my brother came over and he took my
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  Speaker 3: sons for a beer, and I thought, how great that
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  Speaker 3: they're at an age now where they can be seen
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  Speaker 3: as adults. That was a wonderful thing. And I like
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  Speaker 3: us all sitting down around a table. Now, I'll do anything.
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  Speaker 2: I'll book a holiday to get us away where they
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  Speaker 2: know no one else and the four of us have
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  Speaker 2: to sit and have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. Is
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  Speaker 2: my dream. I'll go to a rack for a holiday
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  Speaker 2: if I get to do that.
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  Speaker 3: So a snippet of them being babies, a snippet of
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  Speaker 3: those charming, hilarious years eight and ten, and a snippet
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  Speaker 3: of now, and if that could make up one day,
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  Speaker 3: that would be my dream.
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  Speaker 1: Well, it's certainly cheating, but I love your answer. What's
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  Speaker 1: the ultimate joy for you as a parent?
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  Speaker 3: For many years, I didn't think anyone would call me mum?
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  Speaker 3: And I still think that, even though they're nineteen and
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  Speaker 3: twenty one. I still sometimes think. I can hear a
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  Speaker 3: key in the door, and I play this game with
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  Speaker 3: myself and I think the person who comes through here
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  Speaker 3: is my child and I'm still blown away by it.
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  Speaker 3: I'm still blown away by it. So that's something amazing
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  Speaker 3: that I'll never get over.
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  Speaker 1: Well, you got me, you got me weeping? Well done?
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  Speaker 1: What's that thing, Amanda that your parents always said that
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  Speaker 1: you swore you would never say, but it keeps up
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  Speaker 1: out of your mouth?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, there's a few of those. You know. It's not
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  Speaker 2: even a phrase.
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  Speaker 3: It's just when I'd go to do something and Mom
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  Speaker 3: would say, have you thought about this? And I'd say, no,
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to do that, or you know, even
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  Speaker 3: if it's something as simple as take a card again, No, God,
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  Speaker 3: you might be a bit cold.
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  Speaker 2: No, I'm not going to do that. You're sure you
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  Speaker 2: won't be cold. And I hated it when Mum did it.
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  Speaker 3: I do it all the time, and even now when
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  Speaker 3: I speak to them if there's something about applying for
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  Speaker 3: a course or something, the form they have to fill
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  Speaker 3: out at the end of every conversation, I almost have
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  Speaker 3: to stitch my mouth closed. So I don't nag them
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  Speaker 3: because I hated it happening to me, and I try
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  Speaker 3: so hard not to be that person, but I can't
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  Speaker 3: help myself.
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  Speaker 1: What's the boys favorite thing to do with you?
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  Speaker 2: I don't say a favorite thing, but we're at our best.
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  Speaker 3: I think when we're all sitting around a table having
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  Speaker 3: a meal, and it's best if it's in a restaurant
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  Speaker 3: so no one can leave and no one can be
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  Speaker 3: on their phones or do any of that. Where captive
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  Speaker 3: if we had to go into witness protection or something
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  Speaker 3: quite happy locked in.
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  Speaker 2: So that's my favorite thing to do with them.
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  Speaker 3: Theirs to do with me is maybe when we're sitting
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  Speaker 3: around watching a football match on the telly something like that,
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  Speaker 3: or we're watching them play football.
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  Speaker 2: That's where we're at our best.
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  Speaker 1: I think my mum's vision of heaven is all six
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  Speaker 1: of her kids sitting around the dining table sharing a meal,
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  Speaker 1: just like you described.
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  Speaker 2: I often I'm away. I'm going to cry again.
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  Speaker 3: I've got a couple of friends who've had some cancer
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  Speaker 3: battles and they had to do a vision board. And
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  Speaker 3: a friend her children, they were same age as mine.
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  Speaker 3: They are probably only five and six at the time.
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  Speaker 3: Her vision board was watching her boys play rugby. And
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  Speaker 3: she's fine now. But every match I'd stand next to
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  Speaker 3: her watching the game, and I think, no one here
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  Speaker 3: knows what this means to any We all have our
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  Speaker 3: own story of what we think as we're watching that
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  Speaker 3: game and what it means to us and those you
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  Speaker 3: know sitting around the table watching them play football. The
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  Speaker 3: detail of life is small. The big dreams aren't big,
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  Speaker 3: they're small. The carrots we need to dangle for ourselves
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  Speaker 3: are small and that's where the richness of life is.
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  Speaker 3: It's in the details, you know, that's the stuff.
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  Speaker 1: And that three questions and then this lightning round wraps
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  Speaker 1: up number one. What are you most looking forward to
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  Speaker 1: as a parent.
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  Speaker 3: The words that want to come out that will come
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  Speaker 3: out are you know, healthy, smart, empathetic. But I just
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  Speaker 3: want that door to open and these fabulous sons walk in.
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  Speaker 3: That's all I want is these fabulous boys that I'm
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  Speaker 3: proud of, who love me and I love them, and
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  Speaker 3: that's that's all I require of them.
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  Speaker 1: I love talking to you. I love talking to made.
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  Speaker 2: Me cry a lot today, justin it's not fair.
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  Speaker 1: If you could go back to you as a young mum. Well,
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  Speaker 1: I know you've said you weren't such a young mum
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  Speaker 1: because the IVF thing took so long, But.
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  Speaker 2: One hundred and fifty eight years old you were.
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  Speaker 1: You were still an inexperienced mum. If you could go
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  Speaker 1: back to you being so inexperienced and having one of
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  Speaker 1: those tough moments, what advice now would you give yourself
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  Speaker 1: and hope that you would listen to.
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  Speaker 2: Don't be scared. You're not going to break them.
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  Speaker 3: Sure they may fall down the stairs on your watch,
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  Speaker 3: but you're not going to break them and it's going
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  Speaker 3: to be okay. You can't stuff this up. You're not
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  Speaker 3: going to stuff this up. Don't fear It'll all work
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  Speaker 3: out okay, because I think that's what I felt, that
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  Speaker 3: how responsible I was to not stuff them up. But
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  Speaker 3: we're all going to stuff them up in some way,
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  Speaker 3: and that's the joy of life.
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  Speaker 2: That's why as we're talking, you.
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  Speaker 3: Know, you talk about this with your friends, your family,
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  Speaker 3: how crazy families are.
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  Speaker 2: How can you not have that in your own family?
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  Speaker 1: Amanda? Final question, what's been your biggest win as a mum?
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  Speaker 2: I don't even know how to answer that.
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  Speaker 3: I think my biggest win there was an article recently
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  Speaker 3: in the Women's Weekly where both my sons gave quotes
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  Speaker 3: because you don't know how they perceive you, and I
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  Speaker 3: know that I'm loved and I know that they love
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  Speaker 3: their family, but they both said such lovely things that
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  Speaker 3: when you see it written down, you think, oh, I
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  Speaker 3: have done a good job. Who knew that that would
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  Speaker 3: have to come from the Women's Weekly? Sometimes you need
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  Speaker 3: to see it in a different context and seeing the
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  Speaker 3: written words they'd taken the time to answer for a
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  Speaker 3: journalist and to say those lovely things, it just absolute
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  Speaker 3: meant the world to me.
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  Speaker 1: This has been such a beautiful lightning round, Amanda, Thank
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  Speaker 1: you for making our day loved.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: That was Amanda Keller, one of Australia's best known female
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  Speaker 1: radio TV presenters and just a fabulous, wonderful lightning round. Hey,
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  Speaker 1: that's it for today's podcast. Thank you so much for listening.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I hope you've been enjoying the Happy Families summer podcast series.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Kylie joins me again in the studio tomorrow for more.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Last