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ADHD Home SOS: Laundry, Socks, and Sanity with Carol Siege | 022 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, welcome to Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm Jessica Lynn Lewis, and today is part two of Carol's Quick Wins.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: If you were here last week, you got to hear her quick win from last week, so make sure you listen to that episode.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: And she's here again.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: She's a certified professional coach and keynote speaker, a mother of four boys, and she's here to support neurodiver, she's here to support neurodiverse children as they navigate their family journeys.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: She relies on real-world experience, and she's got lots of it to help motivate parents who are struggling to raise children who don't fit the mold.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's probably why you're listening, because you realize your children don't quite fit the mold.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: So you can find her at familypathwayscoaching.com.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Carol, thank you so much for being on again.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: We appreciate you.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm so glad to be here again, Jessica.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: What is your quick win for this week?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: So my quick win has to do with laundry day because if you're a mom, you probably do a lot of laundry.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the most annoying things is socks, underwear, who goes, you know, to which socks and which underwear and how does it all fit together?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: So here's my quick win.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Go to the store and buy a dozen pair of the exact same socks for each child, but a different, um, you know, slightly different for each child so that you can tell which socks go with which child.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So one child has gray socks, ankle height, the other has white, um, and um same thing with underwear.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can choose a color, you can choose a pattern or a style, but make sure that each child it's it's distinct and easy to tell who belongs to who.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: For boys, it might be a little easier.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: They can wear the exact same color socks every single day.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes girls are gonna want to have different colors, different styles depending on their outfits.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so just again, find something that makes um each child's distinct.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can use just, you know, a particular brand for exactly for example.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the key, again, is to have it so you could just quickly see who belongs to what pair.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's brilliant.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you, I used to buy the same brand for my boys.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: They're different sizes, but you can't tell the sizes when you're pulling them out and you're folding them.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And my son would always be like, ew, these are Owens, or oh, these are druids.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you the other thing that also makes it simple in terms of socks, if you have the exact same, you don't have to worry about matching socks, which can drive a parent crazy.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you get gray or you get white.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then I love that you said go and buy a lot of them because I've gone to buy more and then I can't find the same, can't find the same thing later.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're gone, they've updated their stock, and it's so frustrating.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Get a bunch all at once.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Get a bunch all at once.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I love it.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's such, that's such a great.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I the amount of time that it saves you right there is amazing.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And aggravation.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: And aggravation and and possible fights, right?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: If we can cut down on the possible fights, everybody wins.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Carol, you're also a coach.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you work with families, a lot of families.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, can you go into the coaching process and tell us, you know, what that's like?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because ADH ADHD moms are busy.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: They probably don't think about if I got coaching, would that help?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do I have time to to go, you know, be with a coach?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Just tell me your process and and why it's so important to add that.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for asking, Jessica.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the thing about coaching is that sometimes when we're most in need of that support and that sus and that assistance, it's hardest for us to kind of lift our heads up enough.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we're just we've we're we're we're barely staying, keeping our heads above water.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when we need help the most.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: But if you can do that, if you can raise your head, look around, you'll find that there really is a lot of support.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it can make a really big difference in people's lives, in the in your personal life, in your family life, in the relationships that you have.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um so the process for coaching that I use is um the first thing is, and I work with, just to reiterate, I work with parents of neurodiverse kids.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that certainly includes ADHD kids as well as all of the other um developmental um issues that um fall under that great big neurodiverse umbrella.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it also is not unusual when my clients they're coming in to uh discuss issues that they're having at home with their kids and raising their neurodiverse kids, they also may be neurodiverse.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It might be, you know, not unusual to have an ADHD mom who has an ADHD child.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, we know that.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So the process is um the first thing that we do is to figure out what are the goals.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can come in and you can just say, I don't know, you know, life is crazy, life is hectic, um, you know, the school isn't helping.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: There are many, many different issues that can come up.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the key is figuring out um what are the goals and then prioritizing them.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we know what do we want to work on, what do we want to tackle first.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh sometimes it's the biggest, most pressing or urgent issue.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's we want a quick win.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So uh, and then we can move on to some of the other things.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so first thing is to figure out the goal.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing is to figure out what are the obstacles that are getting in the way of achieving that goal.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sometimes it's the way that we are looking at a at a situation, sometimes it's not knowing where to start and how to address a situation.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we have to figure out what's that obstacle.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then together, we put a plan in place to actually achieve those goals.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the process.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and um, and as I said before, it can it can be life-changing to be able to address if you have a home, um, a family life that's in chaos, um, it can be, you know, really challenging.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and um, the idea of working with a coach, sometimes, you know, we have a friend or a family member that we talk to, um, but they're gonna have their own perspective, their own take on what they think is the right way to go about a problem.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um and it's um, you know, it's it's their perspective, it's not necessarily yours.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and the thing about coaching is it's um the idea is that the answers are you have the answers inside.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a matter of finding them and and um figuring out what's gonna work in your situation, what might work in my home isn't necessarily gonna work in your home, Jessica, for a whole host of different reasons.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: So the key is to figure out what's gonna work for your family, for your life, for your child, and for yourself.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes time to think about that.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I like that as a coach, you're there to not only pull information out of them and give them a different perspective, but you're also there, you're taking time with them that that they don't, they don't think they have.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: But to be able to strategize something, it takes time.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really investing in that time to put a structure together.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you probably don't need to go to coach for the rest of your life.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, how how long how long does a coaching relationship last?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So um, as with so many things, it it can vary.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I find that the sweet spot is to work for nine sessions, which is over a three-month period.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I find that's the sweet spot because it gives us time to um to get to know one another.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: To I want my clients to trust me, um, and then we can dig into what the issues are and then resolve the issues.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not everybody has the opportunity to work for nine sessions.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, you know, that can vary.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I thought for me, I feel like that's this, that's really the sweet spot.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I have clients who come back if there's a future, you know, they're working for a while and then they come back another time because there's something else that has come up.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I have also had clients that we've worked for just a few sessions on a very particular um issue that they're that they're dealing with.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but um you said something really important, which is that it's investing the time.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And and it it does take time.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It does mean that you have to find an hour a week um to sit down and work with a coach, work with me.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um and yet if you spend that time, you might find that the rest of your time is smoother, more productive, um, and happier.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's just taking just taking the time to try it, right?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's worth a try.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I know you've got four neurodiverse boys, and you know, looking back over your life, was there a a key moment or um, you know, a story that just kind of hit you that that just really transformed the way you thought about your kids and raising them?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there there have been so many moments, you know, flashpoints um that have become turning points.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll give you just one example.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so as you mentioned, I have four sons.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: They all fit under that neurodiverse umbrella.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, all four of them have ADHD.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so I will say getting them out the door in the morning was hectic, to say the very least.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just remember one uh just one story that to to really, uh so one of my sons was um was still a toddler.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um he was old enough that he was able to dress himself, but he was still pretty young.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um and um, you know, running around, get everybody breakfast, make sure everybody has their clothes.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'd run into his room, here's your clothes, put your clothes on, run out to take care of whoever else needed something.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I and and boom, massive temper tantrum.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: He would completely melt down morning after morning after morning.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, you know, that's you know, it's it's painful to hear and watch and frustrating and annoying and all of those things that you don't want when you're trying to get the kids out the door and you feel like you're on a timeline.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: That bus is showing up.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So um, so it was it was really challenging for a while, um, until I went in one morning and I looked at him.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: He was crying, and I looked at him and I said, Do you need a hug?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Yeah.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I sat down and I just hugged him.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we just hugged for a minute, um, didn't take a lot of time, and it was all that he needed to regroup himself and to feel seen and to feel like he was ready to start his day.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would, and that became part of our routine.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'd go in, I'd we'd hug for a minute, I'd say, okay, are you ready to get dressed?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'd give him his clothes, um, and it transformed our mornings.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow, just one simple little hug.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Completely transformed.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Moms will moms will understand this.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: When you transform your morning, you transform your whole day.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that sets the tone for the entire It really does.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: So take time for a hug.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Take time for a hug.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Take time for a hug.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's a t-shirt, right?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, thank Carol, thank you so much for sharing your quick win and sharing your stories and your coaching process.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're just in the middle of chaos and trying to process all of these things.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I just, I just want a space where people can, moms can just take a moment to get this, get the encouragement and the nourishment that they need.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I appreciate that you're on the show and that you're a part of it.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So happy to be here.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, where can people find you or how can they get a hold of you?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sure.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: So they can email me at Carol at familypathwayscoaching.com.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um website is familypathwayscoaching.com.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I am also on Instagram and Facebook and LinkedIn.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um reach out.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love talking to people.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I love having conversations.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And where are you located?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm located in New York.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: I work remotely, so I can work with anybody anywhere.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And um, we were talking a little bit about, you know, how much, you know, taking time out of our busy days and our busy schedules.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I work remote, is because this way you don't have to add the time to drive to the appointment or drive home for the appointment.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and um, we can we talk online.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of fit it in, yeah.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, again, thank you so much, Carol, for for being here.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Great, thank you.