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How to Break the Burnout Cycle With Patrice Bonfiglio · Non-Toxic Living

• 0:00
  There are real numbers involved with the loss of productivity due to burnout.
• 0:04
  Gallup had a study done in 2025, and it's over 300 billion, actually.
• 0:09
  It is a global problem, and America is, like, right at the top.
• 0:13
  This is serious.
• 0:14
  I read a book on harlotry, and when you're a harlot, right, there's only so much use, and then you're done.
• 0:20
  Is the corporate world like harlotry?
• 0:22
  Can it be that bad?
• 0:23
  Can it be extremely toxic and bad?
• 0:26
  Yes.
• 0:26
  Does it have to be?
• 0:27
  No.
• 0:28
  Do people understand that it doesn't have to be?
• 0:30
  Also, no.
• 0:31
  I think a lot of people on every level feel trapped.
• 0:35
  I think the question to ask yourself is... Do you think the creative mind is the true equity and value of the future?
• 0:42
  Or do you think it's someone who's an analytical AI, Elon Musk type decision maker?
• 0:47
  Analytics alone are not enough.
• 0:49
  You need to have...
• 0:54
  Patrice Bonfilio, welcome to the Non-Toxic Living Podcast, author of The Burnout Imperative, a really important piece when it comes to living a non-toxic lifestyle.
• 1:04
  Let's jump right into it.
• 1:05
  I want this audience to hear from you because it's a massive toxicity.
• 1:08
  We're disconnected from our jobs.
• 1:10
  It's disconnecting us from our families and spending time in nature.
• 1:12
  You've looked at all these studies, and you got a powerful message for folks today to help with some healing.
• 1:18
  Thank you, Warren.
• 1:19
  I'm so honored to be here.
• 1:20
  I'm really excited to talk to you.
• 1:22
  Audience says no, but we've had great conversations leading up to this point, and I can't wait to share more.
• 1:29
  I got to this point where I wanted to actually write about burnout because I felt it in every fiber of my being, but I didn't know it.
• 1:40
  I was so accustomed to working hard and working hard.
• 1:43
  and being driven and being rewarded for the drive and feeling like I needed to do it for my family.
• 1:51
  Right.
• 1:51
  And there was always that external push.
• 1:54
  And then looking back, it's like, oh, I actually achieved my reasonable goals 10, 15 years ago.
• 2:01
  So like what is continuing to drive me and what is that serving?
• 2:06
  And.
• 2:08
  The answer was it wasn't serving me and it wasn't serving my family and it wasn't even serving my employees and my company.
• 2:17
  It was just a habit, a habit that can be broken and that can actually be improved upon.
• 2:24
  So I took it upon myself to be a student of burnout.
• 2:27
  Like I didn't know anything about it.
• 2:29
  Nobody was talking about it.
• 2:30
  And honestly, I was a little scared, too.
• 2:33
  To be public about feeling it.
• 2:35
  Oh, my gosh.
• 2:36
  Yes.
• 2:36
  Yeah.
• 2:38
  I'm a shy person.
• 2:39
  I'm a private person.
• 2:40
  And so my natural instinct is to just like try to think about it.
• 2:47
  I'll just solve it.
• 2:47
  I'll solve it by myself.
• 2:49
  Right.
• 2:49
  Alone in the room.
• 2:50
  You know.
• 2:52
  And.
• 2:53
  And what I found was that I can't solve it alone.
• 2:56
  And I need to talk about it because we collectively have to march together to try to solve burnout.
• 3:04
  And every single person I talked to, except for one.
• 3:07
  said, oh my goodness, I'm feeling the same thing.
• 3:10
  Like, I have burnout.
• 3:12
  Like, I thought I was being, I was gonna be met with resistance.
• 3:16
  Like, oh, that's too bad, you know?
• 3:19
  Like, you're not going to last very long.
• 3:21
  Yeah.
• 3:22
  And I thought, since I-
• 3:24
  You're going to burn out and we're going to have to find someone else.
• 3:26
  Yeah.
• 3:27
  You can't hold the pace.
• 3:28
  You're weak.
• 3:29
  Yeah.
• 3:30
  You're not going to fit in this corporate world.
• 3:32
  I'm sorry, Patrice.
• 3:33
  Here's your severance.
• 3:35
  Your time is done.
• 3:36
  You move on.
• 3:36
  You know what it reminds me of?
• 3:39
  I read a book on harlotry.
• 3:41
  And my wife who's standing here, I forget what it is, but when you're a harlot, right, there's only so much use and then you're done.
• 3:49
  Right?
• 3:49
  Is the corporate world like harlotry?
• 3:51
  Is it really, can it be that bad?
• 3:54
  Oh, I think yes.
• 3:55
  The answer is, can it be extremely toxic and bad?
• 3:59
  Yes.
• 4:00
  Does it have to be?
• 4:01
  No.
• 4:03
  Do people understand that it doesn't have to be?
• 4:06
  Also, no.
• 4:07
  I think a lot of people on every level feel trapped.
• 4:13
  I think the hopeful piece of this is that the CEO and the first year employee feel equally trapped and the mechanism around them.
• 4:27
  is a bit different.
• 4:28
  But, you know, when you are leading the company and you have to drive results and you have to meet your numbers or you have to raise enough money, like that's pressure.
• 4:37
  And if you don't have another path or avenue shown to you of here, you can actually achieve the same results
• 4:43
  but still not lose yourself, right?
• 4:46
  That's trap.
• 4:47
  And someone just saying like, oh, I'm just getting work dumped on me.
• 4:50
  When I was first starting out and I was in accounting, it's like, I'm just the repository for everyone's decisions, regardless of whether they're good decisions or bad decisions, like I'm just getting all of it.
• 5:00
  I'm like, I'm going to learn about all the other departments.
• 5:02
  How does this company actually function?
• 5:04
  So I really went around the industry and then just started to learn as much as I could about every single aspect of how a company functions.
• 5:13
  Yeah.
• 5:13
  The ecosystem.
• 5:14
  Yeah.
• 5:15
  It's always an ecosystem, right?
• 5:16
  It's like, is the ecosystem healthy?
• 5:20
  Does everyone in the ecosystem know they're in an ecosystem?
• 5:23
  A lot of times, I don't think they do.
• 5:24
  A lot of times, it's so disconnected.
• 5:28
  And people generally, even shy people like me, want to be and feel connected.
• 5:34
  And they want to understand what...
• 5:37
  why they're doing the things that they're doing.
• 5:39
  And so transparency is a huge key to this, right?
• 5:43
  If leaders are transparent about what they're feeling and what they're doing and why the company is making certain choices instead of just assuming that everyone knows or keeping it close to the best, that goes a long way to feeling like you're part of a company, right?
• 6:01
  Or are you just a cog in the wheel?
• 6:03
  Right.
• 6:04
  It's part of this is decisions in leadership on how you're actually guiding folks.
• 6:12
  Are you guiding them by pushing them to their breaking point and then just knowing that you'll find another replacement?
• 6:19
  Or are you guiding them because they actually want to follow you and they would turn down any other place to follow you?
• 6:25
  It's a big difference.
• 6:26
  It is a big difference.
• 6:28
  Being feared into working in an environment based on numbers, data, productivity, forcing nature, forcing you to be something that you're really not supposed to be.
• 6:41
  There's not balance.
• 6:42
  There's rhythms to life.
• 6:43
  Yeah.
• 6:44
  Versus...
• 6:45
  being a part of an ecosystem.
• 6:47
  And we discussed this, these big aha moments this weekend, you were telling these beautiful physicians and entrepreneurs.
• 6:53
  And I got to share, like we were discussing on the hike, that we have this beautiful garden and we all get to enjoy the fruit of it.
• 7:01
  And it's not just the CEO, it's not just the owner.
• 7:05
  Like we all have a part, we're all pruning and watering and together we all have a balanced life because we're all benefiting from the fruit of this organization.
• 7:14
  And we're all tending the garden and feeling the responsibility of the garden because it's beautiful, because it's fun to work in.
• 7:21
  You walk into the garden and there's beauty everywhere in it and you're transforming lives and you're actually reconnecting your business to helping humanity and helping biology, which we could talk about AI.
• 7:33
  We could talk about how like all these different things that are coming and how that serves biology, how it enhances that workplace balance.
• 7:42
  Yeah.
• 7:43
  I think a question to ask yourself is, you know, when you walk into your office or when you start work, if you're at home, right, do you enjoy your day?
• 7:56
  Do you enjoy your job?
• 7:58
  Do you enjoy your work?
• 7:59
  And sometimes it's like, well, I used to, but I don't anymore.
• 8:03
  And like I could, but I don't.
• 8:06
  And unpacking that, right?
• 8:09
  I actually, I enjoy work.
• 8:12
  My work, I enjoy investing in health care.
• 8:16
  Like that's it's meaningful and I can make an impact.
• 8:21
  And it's it's a great career choice for my family.
• 8:24
  But there's there's like 100 different ways that I can make it totally unenjoyable on a day to day basis.
• 8:31
  So.
• 8:33
  I got to a point where I'm like, this just feels so brutal and difficult because I am really not giving myself any wiggle room to change how I operate, right?
• 8:48
  What it's
• 8:49
  kind of like popular phrase, but what got me here isn't going to get me, you know, where I want to go.
• 8:53
  Like I was known as just the beast.
• 8:55
  I can do anything, right?
• 8:57
  I don't want to be a beast anymore.
• 8:58
  I want to just like be strategic.
• 9:01
  And I started by asking the team, like, why are you here?
• 9:06
  You know, are you here just because you were here yesterday?
• 9:09
  Right.
• 9:10
  And this is just something that you continue on.
• 9:13
  Or is there something that we're showing you that you actually want to to work on or be a part of?
• 9:18
  And then some of the conversations like, you know, I'm really interested in what's happening in AI.
• 9:22
  Like, like, well, why don't we, you know, send you to a seminar or something?
• 9:27
  Or why don't you figure out, come up with an idea for us to integrate?
• 9:32
  Right.
• 9:32
  It's like.
• 9:33
  you got to keep the interest.
• 9:34
  Like if we don't play into our intellectual curiosity, the business is going to fail, right?
• 9:41
  And the work, you know, the workforce is going to wither away and die, just like, you know, something on the vine.
• 9:49
  Like we need to feel alive when we're working, even if it's mundane, right?
• 9:56
  Like I'm not going to love every single
• 10:04
  feel purposeful and like in alignment with the ultimate goal.
• 10:09
  Yeah.
• 10:09
  Well, I want to come back to like the signs of burnout because a lot of people don't know they're burned out.
• 10:13
  And I want to come back to that.
• 10:15
  But the question that I'm curious about and what I want the viewers to send to their boss, their CEO, their workplace, well, one, why should they watch this podcast and what they're doing?
• 10:30
  And why is it important for them to see the shift that's happening?
• 10:33
  And why is it important to run your company, companies, systems differently if you want to survive today?
• 10:40
  Yeah.
• 10:41
  Like that's the major question, right?
• 10:42
  None of this works if it's actually going to underperform, right?
• 10:47
  And that was something I wanted to be really, really consistent with.
• 10:51
  I only want to support a different way of doing business if I could still succeed.
• 10:56
  I want to be the best.
• 10:57
  I want to be undeniably the best.
• 10:59
  Right.
• 10:59
  So every other leader, CEO, board director out there.
• 11:03
  Right.
• 11:03
  Like you can identify with that.
• 11:05
  Right.
• 11:05
  So what I don't want to compromise is my entire life, you know, and my purpose and do it at the expense of everyone else's life, too.
• 11:15
  Right.
• 11:15
  I don't need to.
• 11:17
  I think about how you operate when you're inspired.
• 11:19
  Right.
• 11:20
  Like if you are feeling a moment of inspiration, you're more creative, you're more strategic, you're more collaborative, right?
• 11:27
  And you flip it on the other side when you are in burnout, right?
• 11:33
  And I can go into the whole study that I did.
• 11:36
  We should.
• 11:36
  But...
• 11:37
  Tons, over 60% of people are heavily procrastinating.
• 11:44
  Think about how many people work for you.
• 11:47
  If a large portion of those folks are procrastinating on a daily basis, that's compounding.
• 11:54
  What is happening to whatever you're trying to deliver, whether it's quality or a product, meeting timelines, that's a serious business issue.
• 12:03
  In my book, I talk about
• 12:05
  about burnout as an economic crisis.
• 12:07
  There are real numbers involved with the loss of productivity due to burnout.
• 12:12
  So Gallup had a study done in 2025, and it's over 300 million.
• 12:18
  It's close to 400, oh, billion actually.
• 12:21
  It's an economic crisis.
• 12:23
  Yeah.
• 12:24
  It is a global problem.
• 12:26
  And America is right at the top.
• 12:28
  This is serious.
• 12:30
  So if you have employees, right?
• 12:33
  And if you yourself, right?
• 12:35
  This is the interesting part.
• 12:36
  This is why we can do it together.
• 12:38
  Because the leaders of all of these companies, just like me, are...
• 12:43
  You might be going through burnout, right?
• 12:45
  So how can you be expected to turn around a company if you're not recognizing it in yourself, right?
• 12:52
  So the first thing you do is you sit down and just think, like, do I feel okay?
• 12:57
  Okay.
• 12:59
  If you don't feel okay, that's all right.
• 13:02
  That's the first step in figuring out how you get to where you actually want to go.
• 13:08
  So with me, I realized it.
• 13:12
  I told my husband, I don't know what's wrong, but I feel like I'm going to die.
• 13:16
  Right.
• 13:17
  I literally told him that and he didn't know what to say.
• 13:20
  So clue number one, if you're experiencing burnout, is you will feel like you want to die.
• 13:27
  So at least we got one symptom of burnout is you're going to feel like you're going to die.
• 13:32
  Yeah.
• 13:32
  And it's sometimes difficult because a lot is happening in everyone's life, just like my life.
• 13:39
  So feeling of exhaustion.
• 13:41
  I'm like, well...
• 13:42
  I kind of should be exhausted, right?
• 13:44
  I work all the time.
• 13:46
  I take care of my family.
• 13:47
  I don't sleep very much.
• 13:49
  So was that a sign of burnout or was it just what happens?
• 13:55
  I'm weak.
• 13:56
  I need to be stronger or you can make excuses for it.
• 13:59
  Yeah.
• 13:59
  But exhaustion is part of it.
• 14:01
  Also, the brain fog.
• 14:04
  And then you kind of like, this is why you need to...
• 14:07
  actually unpack what you're feeling, right?
• 14:09
  Is it perimenopause or is it because I have burnout, right?
• 14:13
  And maybe it's both of those things, but that means that I should be searching for answers for both.
• 14:19
  And then, you know, you combine the brain fog and then when people are feeling
• 14:24
  especially burned out, it's kind of like disconnection.
• 14:28
  And people describe it different ways.
• 14:31
  It could be losing the spark.
• 14:33
  It could be retreating.
• 14:36
  It could be lack of new ideas coming.
• 14:40
  And some people definitely fall into more depressed category.
• 14:45
  Right.
• 14:45
  But so if we're not talking about any clinical cases at all and just
• 14:51
  actual burnout.
• 14:54
  It's a loss of your sense of self.
• 14:57
  Do you feel like yourself anymore like today or do you feel like you're a shadow of yourself?
• 15:02
  That's a really good indication that you might feel burnout.
• 15:05
  And I think you brought up a very powerful word, disconnect.
• 15:09
  And I think the world is disconnected today.
• 15:11
  We're disconnected from our families, right?
• 15:14
  And so burnout for me as a male is like, I can't see my children.
• 15:18
  I know I should feel, I know I should laugh, but I can't.
• 15:22
  I'm disconnected and it hurts.
• 15:24
  It's painful.
• 15:24
  And I think that disconnect, that feeling, I don't enjoy nature anymore.
• 15:29
  Like I'm just, and we're disconnected from nature.
• 15:32
  We're disconnected from our biology and that's the worst feeling, right?
• 15:36
  And finding more reconnection, as we've discussed off camera, just lights you back up.
• 15:42
  It's like, wow, I'm part of a bigger ecosystem.
• 15:44
  I'm part of humanity.
• 15:46
  I can make a difference in this world.
• 15:47
  And it's a reconnection
• 15:49
  And then that's where the flow state comes in.
• 15:52
  That's where the productivity comes in corporate that's listening to this right now.
• 15:55
  It's like if you can get your leadership in the team to reconnect and get into flow state, you will be more productive.
• 16:04
  So regardless of whether you like it or not or your model that you believe, give it a try.
• 16:13
  Because not only is it going to serve – let's get them to do it because it's going to serve their bottom line.
• 16:18
  Even though –
• 16:19
  The real beauty of it all, because we like to dangle the carrot, you know, well, if we can fix your metabolism, we'll fix your weight loss.
• 16:25
  But really what we want to do is fix your cellular function.
• 16:27
  Really what we want to do is get your mitochondria back on producing light and energy, you know.
• 16:32
  Yeah.
• 16:32
  So, but we'll dangle the carrot of weight loss, but we're actually going to see your whole cellular function reconnect and your biology reconnect.
• 16:40
  So we'll dangle that you're going to make more money, but really it's going to transform your life.
• 16:45
  It's going to transform the lives of these families.
• 16:47
  Yeah.
• 16:47
  And you're going to, with other business, it usually has a really good solution.
• 16:51
  It starts off really good.
• 16:53
  Yeah.
• 16:53
  And then it morphs into something about numbers and money.
• 16:56
  But if you can reconnect it to purpose.
• 16:59
  Yeah.
• 16:59
  And serving humanity and get your team to focus on those things, the amount of energy and flow and excitement they'll have.
• 17:07
  And they'll work weekends when they need to to help bring something through versus being forced to on numbers.
• 17:13
  And it feels forced, once again, the harlotry of business.
• 17:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:16
  to do that because, and then they believe that the owner is making all the money.
• 17:20
  I remember that, like I bought a new car and they got the team, like, this is 20 years ago.
• 17:25
  And like, Oh, he got a new car.
• 17:26
  You know, he's using us.
• 17:28
  I'm like, I was driving my dad's leaky oil pan leaking, you know, car.
• 17:33
  And I just wanted, we just had a kid and I bought a, I don't know.
• 17:36
  It wasn't a Nissan Murano or something.
• 17:40
  Yeah.
• 17:40
  And they're like, and it was like $20,000.
• 17:41
  And, but if, um,
• 17:45
  But that was a leadership problem because I wasn't communicating the mission well enough.
• 17:49
  I was just forcing everyone, we got to get work done.
• 17:52
  There's deadlines.
• 17:55
  It just was bad leadership.
• 17:57
  Yeah.
• 17:58
  And there will always be deadlines.
• 18:00
  There will always be high-pressure sprints.
• 18:05
  And you think of starting a new company and entrepreneurs.
• 18:07
  You're always going to have moments where you might feel stress or pressure, but it's like –
• 18:14
  You don't have to set up the company so that's consistent because you what you end up doing is creating an environment that is going to just diminish every day.
• 18:26
  And I think society really understands this concept with athletes.
• 18:32
  So, like, if you owned a team.
• 18:35
  And you were trying to run that team, make all the best hires and try to win a championship, no matter what sport it is.
• 18:45
  Think about what they do for the athletes.
• 18:47
  They're making sure that they're getting the coaching, the strategy.
• 18:50
  They're making sure that their bodies are healthy.
• 18:54
  They're making sure that they get all of the training necessary and the mindset.
• 18:59
  And they'll have a nutrition coach.
• 19:02
  So everything, right?
• 19:03
  Mind, body, spirit.
• 19:05
  If you have people working for you, right, okay, they're not going to run a marathon, but like your brain, you're hiring them for their brain, right?
• 19:14
  So what are you doing to make sure that that athlete, right, that employee has the best brain showing up?
• 19:20
  That's what you're paying them to use.
• 19:22
  Do you want all the strategy or do you want 50% of the strategy?
• 19:26
  Do you want someone that's motivated to keep that client that is about to leave?
• 19:30
  Or do you want someone that's just going to be like, I don't care.
• 19:33
  I'm just burned out.
• 19:35
  You lose money.
• 19:36
  You lose your reputation.
• 19:39
  And that's how you choose to...
• 19:42
  kind of ignore what it means to really run like a high performance company.
• 19:48
  It's not the same thing, right?
• 19:50
  High performance, like try to define it like where you're able to sustain success.
• 19:55
  If you can't sustain being successful, that means something's wrong.
• 20:00
  Right.
• 20:01
  And the reason why is because you're setting it up so that people, including yourself, sometimes are expendable.
• 20:08
  Right.
• 20:08
  And there's there's a lot of hope in that we're coming to this point where everyone understands there's a workforce problem now.
• 20:20
  Right.
• 20:20
  So there are there's generations that are choosing.
• 20:24
  Like, I don't have to run the rat race.
• 20:27
  I'm just not going to.
• 20:29
  Right.
• 20:29
  So, OK, you're getting a smaller workforce.
• 20:32
  You have employees that are cycling through companies.
• 20:34
  You might leave one because you feel burnout.
• 20:36
  And then you go to the next one.
• 20:37
  You're still feeling it.
• 20:39
  Right.
• 20:39
  So you think your new employees are coming in fresh and they're not.
• 20:44
  They're coming in as human beings that have burnout.
• 20:47
  Right.
• 20:47
  And then you also have AI.
• 20:50
  Right.
• 20:50
  So there's there's just jobs and aspects that don't need to be done in the most fashion anymore.
• 20:56
  Right.
• 20:57
  So this means like the companies that are going to adopt a healthier way of sustaining success are actually going to be the ones that succeed and the other ones are going to lose.
• 21:07
  You said it's so cool.
• 21:08
  It's like you have human beings coming into your organization.
• 21:12
  It's not a position.
• 21:13
  It's not, you know, how much money they're going to make you.
• 21:16
  They are a human being.
• 21:17
  And how are you going to cultivate the soil of their growth, of their minds, of their health, and how are you going to serve them?
• 21:23
  Because like you said, this new workforce will not do it.
• 21:27
  Like they will not.
• 21:28
  They're waking up.
• 21:29
  There's a conscious shift.
• 21:31
  Yeah.
• 21:31
  Right.
• 21:31
  And they don't want to live that way anymore.
• 21:33
  I know I don't want to live that way anymore.
• 21:35
  Yeah.
• 21:35
  Like I just won't.
• 21:37
  I had a, you know, meditating aha moment.
• 21:39
  I'm just like, I'm not going to do this.
• 21:42
  I'm not going to bear all the fruit for my company in my own company, right?
• 21:45
  With my team.
• 21:46
  I worked harder than my team.
• 21:48
  Yeah.
• 21:49
  Nobody worked harder than me inside of my organization.
• 21:51
  No one put the hour.
• 21:52
  No one made the sacrifice more because I felt that, and I can tear up saying that, that if I was going to make this work, I didn't want them to feel what I feel.
• 22:01
  I was trying to protect them.
• 22:03
  And I'm like, my family is going to sacrifice because it's my business.
• 22:06
  So therefore I should sacrifice.
• 22:08
  And it was this weekend talking to you, getting in a meditative state once again, plus, you know, that whole, you know what?
• 22:16
  And this isn't, you know, I...
• 22:18
  discussed this in the past, but we all get to tend this beautiful garden.
• 22:21
  We are making a difference in humanity.
• 22:23
  We did reach 78 million people last quarter, and we touched all those souls.
• 22:28
  We get to speak and reach that many people.
• 22:30
  We have this opportunity to do this podcast.
• 22:33
  We can touch all these lives and see their hearts healed, see them reconnect to biology, see them reconnect to their family, see them reconnect to nature.
• 22:42
  We have that, and we get to do it together.
• 22:44
  It's not...
• 22:46
  And I'm stealing away the creativity.
• 22:48
  I'm stealing away the genius that lies with them.
• 22:50
  And I'm taking away the responsibility and putting on me so the opposite can happen.
• 22:54
  Right.
• 22:55
  So anyway, I get excited about that because I wasn't full of crap.
• 22:58
  You know, I didn't hear a mistake, you know, from, you know, quantum Jesus, you know, it's like you're not alone.
• 23:05
  Like, you know.
• 23:06
  Yeah.
• 23:06
  You're not alone.
• 23:07
  We're part of each other.
• 23:08
  We're part of this beautiful ecosystem.
• 23:09
  We get to serve and love humanity.
• 23:11
  And it sounds cliche, but it's so freaking true.
• 23:13
  Like what has changed in your team since you had this aha moment?
• 23:18
  Like what is the difference?
• 23:20
  Like what does your workplace feel like?
• 23:22
  I made the decision to start my own company and start fresh.
• 23:27
  And it's amazing the talent level of people you can get if you know, if you say upfront that you're trying to build a company that people would be proud and excited to work for because they can actually be their best self.
• 23:47
  I'm like, and talking about people who like are award winning and,
• 23:51
  successful, but they also want to be valued as human beings and not just for whatever their achievements are.
• 24:00
  So actually checking in on someone and understanding how are you doing, not just the cursory, how was your weekend?
• 24:12
  You say good, or you just say nothing and you move on, but taking...
• 24:17
  30 seconds and looking someone in the eye, whether it's in person or in Zoom, like, hey, what was something interesting?
• 24:24
  Right.
• 24:24
  Asking better questions.
• 24:26
  Right.
• 24:27
  I made a pact with myself.
• 24:30
  I was going to be more interesting by actually engaging in things in my own life other than work.
• 24:36
  And I was going to hire interesting people.
• 24:38
  Because if you are interesting, it means you're interested in other things.
• 24:42
  It means you're a curious person, so you can ask questions.
• 24:47
  And you know what?
• 24:49
  If a company hits its rocky times...
• 24:52
  Those curious people are the kinds of people that weren't like banking everything on you, right, as the leader, right?
• 25:00
  Those are the teammates that are going to say like, let's come up with a solution.
• 25:04
  Let's make this into an interesting problem.
• 25:06
  Yeah.
• 25:07
  So like, you know, I don't care if your interest is baseball cards or traveling or learning another language or, you know, like –
• 25:14
  plant species, whatever it is, like you just have to feel like you need to invest time in something other than purely yourself for work.
• 25:23
  That's interesting to me.
• 25:24
  And like that has not let me down, like having that as a filter for employees and also just inspiring people.
• 25:32
  people.
• 25:33
  Some people don't necessarily feel that way.
• 25:35
  I didn't.
• 25:36
  I wasn't interesting, I'd say, a few years ago.
• 25:39
  I was successful.
• 25:39
  I was nice.
• 25:41
  I was a great person, but I wasn't interesting.
• 25:45
  If someone asked me what hobbies I had, I probably would have just like...
• 25:50
  walked away.
• 25:51
  There were none.
• 25:52
  There were no hobbies, because I wasn't investing the time and the thought into it.
• 25:57
  So now I can actually talk about a book that I've read, and it doesn't mean I've done any less work either.
• 26:03
  That was one of the first things I did when I realized I had burnout and that I'm just spending every waking moment, I mean a lot of hours a day, deep into the night working.
• 26:14
  Yeah.
• 26:15
  I left, drove to Barnes & Noble, got some books.
• 26:19
  I got like a whole stack of books.
• 26:21
  I hadn't read books in years, even though I loved it and I was an English major in college.
• 26:25
  I just sat there and I read.
• 26:28
  I just read for hours.
• 26:31
  And you know what?
• 26:32
  It didn't matter.
• 26:33
  The next day I worked and it was like, nobody cared.
• 26:37
  Nobody noticed.
• 26:38
  Like every deadline was met.
• 26:40
  It was just like, I needed to live a little bit.
• 26:43
  And obviously I don't do that every day, but I felt more like me, like the me that I knew I was, the me I wanted to be.
• 26:52
  So I encourage that in all the employees and they feel good about that.
• 26:58
  They feel supported, they feel proud to work for a company and they're so grateful too, really gracious.
• 27:06
  And there's a lot of bad bosses out there, right?
• 27:09
  And if you are an option to actually be a great boss, like the right people will come to you.
• 27:16
  It is a phenomenal feeling.
• 27:19
  It is a phenomenal feeling.
• 27:20
  And I think that's what's important for the, so we have two groups here that are mostly people that are working for someone else.
• 27:29
  We have a lot of entrepreneurs watching this and moms.
• 27:31
  This could be my wife and I, and you were talking about how this shows up in our families.
• 27:37
  Yes.
• 27:39
  And just how our energy and why we're doing what we're doing.
• 27:42
  So for example, I think it was Rebecca who was sharing that
• 27:46
  Our youngest just wants to just it's really tough because we raised her to be that way.
• 27:52
  We raised her to be curious and feral and just fully herself and fully alive as we've on our third.
• 27:58
  Yeah.
• 27:59
  But it's so challenging.
• 28:01
  But all she really wants, just like all employees really want and all moms really want back is just to feel loved and connected and appreciated for who they are.
• 28:09
  Mm hmm.
• 28:10
  And once they just want to have fun, girls just want to have fun.
• 28:14
  The kids just want to have fun.
• 28:15
  The parents just want to have fun.
• 28:17
  And then, so the whole conversation changes.
• 28:19
  So this is interesting to me is let's move this back into the family unit.
• 28:24
  Like, cause it's, you know, I've noticed a lot of things I've learned in business.
• 28:29
  Reconnection, the parasympathetic, doing meditation.
• 28:33
  Like my kids go, that's different.
• 28:36
  When he came back from that five days in the woods connecting with nature, he's different.
• 28:40
  What happened to him?
• 28:41
  Like literally can feel it.
• 28:44
  And so the moms that are in burnout, moms are in burnout and they're disconnected.
• 28:51
  They should enjoy that child who's having fun, but they're annoyed by the sound of that child having fun.
• 28:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:56
  Non-toxic dad.
• 28:58
  Yeah.
• 28:58
  You know, non-toxic mom.
• 29:00
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:00
  You know?
• 29:01
  Yeah.
• 29:01
  Beautiful souls, parents that are disconnected from the things that feel good and the reason we became parents to begin with.
• 29:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:11
  As a mom, you have even a brother and a mom that you take care of.
• 29:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:17
  You have two daughters, correct?
• 29:19
  I do, yeah.
• 29:20
  And how has that transitioned back into the home?
• 29:24
  Yeah.
• 29:24
  Well, that was one of the reasons why I felt the need to spend time on trying to solve the problem, because the World Health Organization defines it as a workplace issue.
• 29:36
  But in reality, when I did the study, it's about 50-50 that burnout is being caused by personal life and work.
• 29:48
  It's both sides.
• 29:50
  So we have to do the same thing in our homes, really.
• 29:53
  It's like, and I love this challenge, but it's like, you know, I want my kids, you know, one day to look back and just like imagine me and like hear me laughing in their head.
• 30:06
  I can have those fond memories, right?
• 30:08
  Not just serious mom.
• 30:10
  Right.
• 30:11
  And I want to laugh with them.
• 30:12
  Mm hmm.
• 30:13
  And so I can be really intense.
• 30:16
  I'm quiet, but I don't necessarily need to go out of myself to entertain myself.
• 30:22
  I just think a lot.
• 30:24
  So actively trying to have more fun with the kids and see them or have them see me enjoying myself.
• 30:34
  And just like with employees, asking, what's something that you think should change?
• 30:41
  having the humility to ask the kids too.
• 30:43
  And you find out what they value.
• 30:45
  And, you know, it's, I was surprised, but they really value that story time, that reading time at the end of the night.
• 30:54
  And you think maybe that's just kids that are younger, but a time when you're connecting without any devices, they know I'm not going to get pulled into a meeting or a phone call because I just leave it.
• 31:05
  Like that's actually one of the most important times to them.
• 31:09
  Right.
• 31:09
  So having more time to read together at night.
• 31:12
  Right.
• 31:12
  That's more valuable than like us, you know, going out and doing something during the day.
• 31:17
  Right.
• 31:17
  Because like it's so it's just within our family.
• 31:20
  That was like really a sacred, like preserved time.
• 31:23
  So it's finding out from your kids and each kid could be different, too.
• 31:27
  Right.
• 31:28
  Like what actually would you want me to change if I would change one thing?
• 31:33
  Right.
• 31:33
  And be open enough to receive it.
• 31:35
  That's a brave question to ask.
• 31:36
  brave.
• 31:37
  Yeah.
• 31:38
  But like, why not be brave?
• 31:41
  Right.
• 31:42
  Like the current scenario is not working the best.
• 31:44
  Yeah.
• 31:45
  So let's find out what's the real answer.
• 31:47
  Uncover it.
• 31:48
  Right.
• 31:49
  And and also open up like, oh, like mommy's struggling with, you know, scheduling everything.
• 31:56
  Like I'm not getting enough sleep.
• 31:58
  And you know what?
• 31:59
  Like it worked out so well because the kids, they both enjoy cooking.
• 32:07
  They can make their own eggs.
• 32:08
  It's fantastic.
• 32:09
  Like, you know, I never thought I would want my kids to cook something for themselves.
• 32:16
  But you know what?
• 32:17
  Like, that's amazing.
• 32:18
  That's a life skill.
• 32:19
  They feel proud of themselves.
• 32:21
  They made my mother, like, breakfast in bed.
• 32:24
  Right?
• 32:24
  It's amazing.
• 32:25
  It's great.
• 32:26
  And if I had just been sort of controlling, like I can be sometimes, like, nope, I'm setting what everyone is eating for breakfast.
• 32:36
  I'm setting what we're all doing.
• 32:37
  And this is the schedule.
• 32:39
  I wouldn't have had that experience.
• 32:41
  And you know what?
• 32:42
  It gives us more flexibility, right?
• 32:44
  And the same with my husband, too.
• 32:45
  Like, how do you need me to show up?
• 32:47
  Like, this week, even, you know, like sometimes it's different week to week, right?
• 32:52
  That also is a brave question, right?
• 32:54
  I don't have the energy to show up.
• 32:58
  But maybe I do.
• 33:00
  But if we're not talking about it, then we'll think past each other and make assumptions.
• 33:07
  And especially when you've been married for a long time, like I know you guys have been too.
• 33:12
  You just grow through over the years.
• 33:15
  So some of the like, you know, insecurities or nuances I used to have, I don't anymore.
• 33:21
  So like you don't even have to worry about that.
• 33:23
  Like I've got these new problems, right?
• 33:25
  Like I knew about it and vice versa.
• 33:28
  So like, yeah, I think it's family life is a huge part of life.
• 33:33
  Making sure that, you know, burnout is in check because I think people that are stay at home parents and and entrepreneurs like you feel it just the same as other people.
• 33:45
  Right.
• 33:46
  Because it's about not having alignment and not having support.
• 33:51
  And if you're just on an island by yourself with the kids all day and you're not getting to be yourself and you're not getting time to have fun and you're not connecting with other people and it's just like in its only servitude sort of like that's not your full self.
• 34:06
  No.
• 34:07
  Like who are you?
• 34:08
  Right.
• 34:08
  And let's see that person.
• 34:10
  I mean, in the longevity studies, it was community that helped people live longer.
• 34:14
  You know, some diets weren't perfect.
• 34:17
  This wasn't perfect, but it was community and connection.
• 34:21
  Yeah.
• 34:21
  Right.
• 34:21
  And we have disconnection because we built these homes, these four walls that lock us in.
• 34:26
  Yeah.
• 34:27
  And moms are forced to drive kids to 16 different sports.
• 34:31
  It's all scheduled.
• 34:32
  It's all go.
• 34:33
  The kids are eating poorly.
• 34:35
  So their biology is being affected.
• 34:36
  Their health is being affected.
• 34:38
  The parents aren't taking care of themselves because they're running around.
• 34:41
  And we've created this ecosystem that's dying.
• 34:44
  And in our ecosystem, we're not sharing the community values, meaning we all have our part to play.
• 34:51
  Yeah.
• 34:51
  You know, and I know that my wife is cultivating that.
• 34:54
  I can't wait to do a podcast with her.
• 34:56
  Maybe, maybe after this one, if she would allow me.
• 34:59
  But it's not that we do life perfect, but we're always trying to perfect and grow our family.
• 35:05
  And that's what all good parents do.
• 35:06
  We make massive mistakes that create pain and we feel that pain.
• 35:11
  And let that pain twerk us to the point where it's like, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
• 35:16
  And then it untwerks.
• 35:17
  And then we create change in our family.
• 35:20
  The, you know, like me, I'm like, oh, I don't want to scratch the dishes.
• 35:23
  And Rebecca's like, let them scratch the dishes.
• 35:26
  It's just a dish.
• 35:27
  We can get another one.
• 35:28
  Like, you don't have to control that and vice versa.
• 35:30
  You know, the challenges she has with the children, you know, and she's always like, just let them be kids.
• 35:35
  But our kids do cook.
• 35:37
  And they love it and they're beautiful and there's creativity and it's so creative.
• 35:41
  The creative mind is going to have so much value into the future.
• 35:44
  That's the question I have for you.
• 35:45
  The most curious as a dad who homeschools, home births, like all the crazy stuff the world told us not to do.
• 35:50
  Yeah.
• 35:51
  Right.
• 35:51
  And we did it anyway.
• 35:52
  Counterculture.
• 35:54
  Do you think the creative mind is the true equity and value of the future?
• 35:59
  Or do you think it's someone who's an analytical AI, Elon Musk type decision maker?
• 36:04
  I think even the minds that can be analytical, if they're not creative, they're not going to do anything with that.
• 36:14
  Analytics alone are not enough.
• 36:17
  You need to be creative.
• 36:18
  And you can pair that with other skill sets.
• 36:20
  But creativity is really driving passion.
• 36:24
  And look, if you're going to change the world or you're going to do anything significant, you need to have creativity or else you won't be inspired to do anything.
• 36:34
  better or new or collaborate with people that have different ideas, right?
• 36:40
  It's like that desire to know and see things out in the world.
• 36:45
  Like that's the ultimate thing for my kids.
• 36:49
  And like even though I'm a little bit of a nerd, right?
• 36:51
  Like I love a good spreadsheet, but I had to grieve when I came around, right?
• 36:57
  Like all the formulas that I learned don't matter anymore.
• 37:00
  No, they do.
• 37:00
  No.
• 37:01
  Your Excel skills are no longer a value.
• 37:04
  No, but like, luckily, I have leaned in to the curiosity and the strategy and understanding how things work so that I can build more things.
• 37:16
  Right.
• 37:16
  If that if that was my whole identity, like I I can just robotically, you know, build a better spreadsheet than you.
• 37:23
  And like I let myself end there.
• 37:26
  Yeah.
• 37:27
  Oh, my goodness.
• 37:28
  I can't imagine how I would feel right now.
• 37:31
  But like, we're more than that.
• 37:32
  And like anyone, if they kind of like allow themselves to explore creativity, like they can be.
• 37:40
  We're all human beings, right?
• 37:41
  Like we have different personalities, but like lean in and just...
• 37:46
  Just draw.
• 37:47
  It doesn't matter if it's not going to go in a museum.
• 37:51
  Just doodle.
• 37:52
  Like your brain likes that.
• 37:54
  Just draw something in the dirt, right?
• 37:55
  If you're waiting for your kid somewhere with a stick, you know, just create a meal and use some new seasoning.
• 38:04
  Like whatever you want to do.
• 38:05
  But like I think if you feel creativity...
• 38:09
  And if you create things, and I like when I first started my podcast, like I talked about going with my husband to a pottery place and like creating this.
• 38:18
  I mean, no one could use it.
• 38:20
  This bowl is a disaster.
• 38:21
  But just like the idea that I was creating something and I got into flow state, that...
• 38:27
  That changed me because I hadn't felt that in a really long time.
• 38:31
  And that was a spark for me.
• 38:33
  Like, oh, I need to be creative.
• 38:34
  Like, I can't just define myself as, you know, like a math kid.
• 38:42
  Math genius.
• 38:44
  I'm not a doctor.
• 38:45
  We had that this weekend.
• 38:47
  With a lot of these docs, they were sharing.
• 38:49
  They're like, everything I wrote about myself didn't identify.
• 38:54
  I wasn't identified with my profession.
• 39:00
  Because we have a lot of moms watching this.
• 39:03
  You know, is it, am I identified as a mom or like how to, as a mom, like how do you, because it's like, I'm a mom.
• 39:10
  That's what I am.
• 39:11
  I'm only this.
• 39:12
  I got to take care of my children.
• 39:13
  I got to take care of my husband.
• 39:15
  I got to make sure there's food on the table.
• 39:16
  I got to make sure they're here.
• 39:17
  This, this mad rush.
• 39:19
  But you're more you're so much more than that.
• 39:22
  You're so much more beautiful and connected and creativity and energy and force.
• 39:27
  And this women are just I mean, they're the most precious thing this planet has.
• 39:33
  We're great.
• 39:34
  Yeah, you are.
• 39:36
  I mean, it's spiritual in a way.
• 39:39
  So as a mom, what would you say to the mom that's at home right now, that is working, that's carrying so much of this stress?
• 39:50
  How would you help them untoward and reconnect with themselves?
• 39:55
  Oh, it's a total journey because I, yeah, I felt that way.
• 40:02
  Like I'm a mom.
• 40:03
  That's the only thing.
• 40:04
  And, you know, I was working, but like that was the only thing I felt like outside of work.
• 40:09
  Right.
• 40:09
  So.
• 40:11
  Step one is, like, figure out one thing to do and make it as easy as possible, right?
• 40:18
  But, like, invite someone over, right?
• 40:20
  Like, have a play date and then you can listen to a chapter of an audio book.
• 40:24
  You can play an album, right?
• 40:27
  A new album that came out.
• 40:28
  You can do something.
• 40:30
  But, like, do it just to give yourself a new experience and, like...
• 40:35
  Make it something that you like, but also try something that you don't like.
• 40:39
  And just do it because sometimes there's a beauty in being bad at something.
• 40:43
  It's like you get to laugh at yourself.
• 40:46
  And sometimes as a mom, you have to take yourself so seriously and you have to take care of everybody else.
• 40:50
  And you always have to be...
• 40:52
  Like, right.
• 40:53
  And on top of everything, you know, and then I was kind of person that was always so prepared.
• 40:58
  And that's really a great thing about me.
• 41:00
  But the devastation I would feel if like I didn't have everything in that first aid kit or, you know, the toiletry bag that we needed, like, like I would actually feel.
• 41:10
  so negative if there was something that was forgotten.
• 41:13
  So trying to unpack that and abandon that feeling and give myself grace and just say, you know what?
• 41:22
  I'm gonna use AI and we're gonna create a list and this is gonna live in perpetuity.
• 41:27
  We're gonna create our own GPT and it's gonna have all the information in there.
• 41:32
  And my husband or someone can go in there and just query the answer so that it's not all on me and it's not all in my head.
• 41:39
  like reclaim a little bit of the mental load that I had put on myself sometimes, and also just like that's the cultural norm, right?
• 41:50
  So it's like, how can you infuse fun
• 41:53
  but still like being able to manage the kids.
• 41:57
  And also incorporate the kids, ask them, give me a challenge to do, or you interview me, ask me questions.
• 42:06
  So try to incorporate them and elevate
• 42:12
  what you're doing with your time with them.
• 42:14
  And even if they're really young, they're going to ask you really wild, crazy questions that make no sense, right?
• 42:19
  But just be in that moment and let them drive for a second and they're going to love it.
• 42:26
  They're going to love it so much.
• 42:27
  But yeah, it's just a moment.
• 42:30
  It's like a breather moment.
• 42:31
  And I spent years and the number one thing I wanted was just to sit down for five minutes.
• 42:38
  That's all I wanted to do.
• 42:39
  And it took years to like actually be able to just have that time to rest.
• 42:45
  And it is lovely when you do get like I'm at that point now.
• 42:49
  But it's like.
• 42:50
  Like, say that's a goal, right?
• 42:52
  I should have just said that out loud when the kids were young.
• 42:55
  And then, like, they could have, you know, come up with a whole scenario.
• 42:59
  I'm sure they would have built me a house of pillows if they said, if I told them that was what I wanted for the day, right?
• 43:05
  And you just watch them and enjoy it.
• 43:07
  And you're relaxing while they're.
• 43:09
  They're creating.
• 43:09
  Yeah.
• 43:10
  And imagining.
• 43:11
  Yeah.
• 43:11
  And using, which is a valuable piece of their brain.
• 43:14
  You said two things that are really cool is that you're using AI to serve biology, to serve your family.
• 43:19
  Yeah.
• 43:19
  Right.
• 43:19
  Not to take away.
• 43:20
  Yeah.
• 43:21
  Right.
• 43:21
  Not to dumb yourself down or you're literally just using it to do pattern recognition, create lists, create queries and databases that serve your family.
• 43:32
  So it doesn't all have to be on you.
• 43:33
  So you can have more time to connect.
• 43:35
  So there is that belief that AI may allow us, you know, some people think it's the end of the world.
• 43:41
  And others say, well, it might help us reconnect to God and nature.
• 43:44
  And that's why there's this huge movement happening now that we're all seeing.
• 43:47
  You're feeling it.
• 43:48
  I'm feeling it.
• 43:49
  My wife's feeling it.
• 43:50
  My friends are feeling it.
• 43:51
  These doctors that I sat down and just...
• 43:53
  blurted my heart out about how I feel and how it's so important to reconnect to nature, to God, to our families and not, you know, like, I don't want to go down that path, but it was beautiful.
• 44:03
  And what I wanted to add to what we do in our home, and again, this is for my wife and this is not for me.
• 44:08
  So she's, she's getting the credit for this.
• 44:11
  And she's, she's teaching me this.
• 44:12
  Cause a lot of times I've been like, the kids do nothing.
• 44:15
  Like the kids, I'm doing everything.
• 44:16
  And she's like,
• 44:18
  That's because you do.
• 44:19
  You control it all, Warren.
• 44:20
  You need to invite them into what you're doing and be patient when they do it wrong, when they harvest the garden incorrectly.
• 44:27
  Now, with my third one, I did that.
• 44:29
  With my first two, I'd be like, rah, let me do it for you.
• 44:34
  But now with the third one, she's only four and she knows how to properly harvest a tomato because I invited her with me to go around and make mistakes and sometimes eat the wrong things and tell her you got to spit that out.
• 44:47
  You know, and, and so inviting them into your, what you love to do, inviting them into your hobbies and not telling them, Hey, we need to go pull the weeds in the garden.
• 44:57
  Yeah.
• 44:58
  And guess what?
• 44:59
  You shouldn't always pull the weeds.
• 45:00
  We need weeds.
• 45:01
  Fun fact.
• 45:01
  They can be, they can be good, good cover crops.
• 45:04
  They can provide shade for your, for your plants.
• 45:07
  Like, so the weeds in our life are good.
• 45:09
  You know, they're, they're teachers.
• 45:10
  They're, they're helpers.
• 45:11
  They help.
• 45:12
  Yeah.
• 45:13
  you know, shine light on things and take light away, you know.
• 45:16
  But anyway, inviting them into the task.
• 45:19
  Hey, help me wash the dishes, right?
• 45:21
  I'll help you.
• 45:22
  Let's clean up the living room together.
• 45:25
  Like those have been mass wins in its heart at first.
• 45:29
  And there's this wonderful book, Hunt and Gather Parent, that not only my wife read, but I read.
• 45:34
  And it was neat to see when we talk about community and longevity, these more community based cultures that haven't completely disconnected to nature and fell into the American way, but they still have culture and family.
• 45:46
  The kids are invited.
• 45:48
  That's part of what she shares in this book, Hunt, Gather, Parent, is that you invite the kids.
• 45:53
  They learn, they grow.
• 45:55
  And then at very young age, they're...
• 45:58
  they're taking care of the ecosystem.
• 46:00
  They're part of the ecosystem.
• 46:01
  They're not a, they're not only, you're not the only one bearing the fruit and taking care of everything.
• 46:06
  They're all working inside of this ecosystem, inside this community.
• 46:10
  They're taking care of the younger kids.
• 46:12
  They have the ability and the skills.
• 46:14
  They're creative, highly intelligent, brilliant beings.
• 46:17
  But if you don't allow them and teach them and invite them in, you are creating more and more work, more and more stress for yourself versus allowing your children to flourish and
• 46:28
  and grow in the doing by inviting.
• 46:31
  It's just amazing what we do.
• 46:33
  Like we'd be so scared to, oh my gosh, you're gonna burn yourself and hunt, gather, parent.
• 46:39
  This was just a, she's a journalist, I believe.
• 46:42
  And just said her life was a mess.
• 46:44
  She had one kid and that one kid ruined her life.
• 46:46
  She had parent burnout with one child.
• 46:50
  So she decided to travel all over the world.
• 46:52
  They invited her in.
• 46:53
  And that was a game changing book for us.
• 46:55
  Do I agree with everything?
• 46:56
  No, but I don't have to.
• 46:57
  Right.
• 46:57
  Right.
• 46:58
  I don't judge anything, but I honestly don't have to believe everything either.
• 47:03
  So I'm just like open.
• 47:04
  I'm curious.
• 47:05
  Let me read about this.
• 47:06
  Yeah.
• 47:06
  You know, and it's very interesting.
• 47:08
  You know, it's a great book.
• 47:10
  I will read that book.
• 47:12
  But I love that because you get that shared ownership feeling when the kids are working on something with you.
• 47:18
  Right.
• 47:18
  They feel like it's theirs instead of this is mommy's and mommy likes something done this way.
• 47:23
  And then it's also modeling how to manage imperfection and patience.
• 47:30
  Right.
• 47:30
  Because if we are patient while they're, you know, messing around, trying to figure out like how to get the tomato off the vine.
• 47:37
  Then when they're in school and they're with their classmates and someone's doing something like they have the patience to just like sit it out and say, like, OK, this person's filming around with the crayons.
• 47:49
  Like, OK, I don't I don't need to say no, the crayons need to be this way.
• 47:52
  Right.
• 47:52
  And as they get older.
• 47:53
  Right.
• 47:54
  And their relationships get more complicated.
• 47:56
  They can navigate friendships a little bit better.
• 47:59
  Because they have already seen you model how to give people grace and space and just feel like you're living versus doing.
• 48:08
  I've really just tried to have moments where I'm just living.
• 48:13
  Just living instead of doing.
• 48:14
  That's such a powerful statement because I felt that.
• 48:17
  I felt like all I was doing is doing and I wasn't fully living.
• 48:20
  I wasn't enjoying my children.
• 48:21
  I wasn't enjoying the relationship with my wife.
• 48:23
  And I mean, some of the things you shared, I felt like the same way and I'm not even a mom, but I just felt so disconnected and I wasn't living.
• 48:31
  I wasn't laughing.
• 48:32
  Like I lost all that.
• 48:33
  I had burnout.
• 48:34
  You've diagnosed me, I had burnout.
• 48:35
  I don't have it anymore.
• 48:36
  Yeah.
• 48:37
  Right?
• 48:38
  And you don't either.
• 48:39
  Like from the moment we met, just like we had this beautiful conversation and it's neat that what you said in the home where we went, let's bring it back full circle because you said that
• 48:52
  is that if your team doesn't grow an experience, you said that from stage today, if they don't have that safety to learn, grow, make mistakes and evolve and learn and be creative, you're not going to have a good team.
• 49:08
  Yeah, it's going to be you alone, right?
• 49:11
  Going through cycles of employees, right?
• 49:14
  Have that team that's really feeling like there's that shared ownership and can also interact together, right?
• 49:25
  Without having conflicts flare up all the time.
• 49:28
  Yeah.
• 49:28
  Give each other grace.
• 49:29
  I'll just do it myself because I can do it faster with the kids.
• 49:32
  I can just do it myself because I can do it faster.
• 49:34
  I can do it better.
• 49:35
  Instead of taking the time to lead and encourage and allow them to, you know, we don't, if your kids don't fall, they don't walk.
• 49:42
  Right.
• 49:43
  If they don't scrape their knees, they won't learn about pain.
• 49:46
  If they don't get burned on the stove, like, and we do that in our businesses.
• 49:50
  And I, I, and you're a bright person.
• 49:52
  I'm a bright person.
• 49:53
  I'm a doer.
• 49:53
  I told you, like in my seminar business when I trained doctors in the past, I did it all.
• 49:59
  I did the AV.
• 50:00
  That's why I know to do this because we're set up in a hotel room.
• 50:04
  I did the speaking and the emceeing and then I would lay on the couch for four days, not four days, but one full day not able to move and not able to enjoy a thing.
• 50:14
  And everyone else on the team was going out to dinner and, you know, and enjoying the fruits of the business while I was exhausted on the couch.
• 50:22
  And I'm like, I'll take it all on.
• 50:24
  Yeah.
• 50:25
  And if you're a mom listening to this, like if you're a mom listening to this, you involve your family, you know, communicate to your husband your needs, you know, how he can help.
• 50:37
  Because sometimes I think, and you get mad, like at your spouse, but did you ever really communicate what you needed?
• 50:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 50:44
  Did you ever really truly communicate to your team?
• 50:47
  And it's neat.
• 50:48
  My team now goes, if there's something I could take off your plate, Warren, what would that be?
• 50:52
  Yeah.
• 50:53
  What would that be?
• 50:54
  Like if I could, so that you could be more fully you, so that you could more fully get into your heart and not have to worry about it.
• 51:01
  Yeah.
• 51:01
  So you can just be, what would that be?
• 51:04
  I want to take, see the difference in my team.
• 51:08
  And it's like, oh my gosh, you know, my wife, like, hey, I can see your...
• 51:13
  not well right now, like, what do you need?
• 51:16
  Like, I just need to go outside and garden a little bit.
• 51:19
  Why don't you go?
• 51:19
  I just need to go do breath work to release all this energy.
• 51:22
  Why don't you go do breath work?
• 51:24
  Yeah.
• 51:25
  Like, and being able to like see people.
• 51:28
  And then now that reinforces a good behavior inside of me.
• 51:32
  I mean, this is just wonderful.
• 51:34
  Like I could talk about this all day.
• 51:35
  So yeah, this is beautiful how it's connected is our, I always said that.
• 51:40
  And a lot of my friends would be like,
• 51:42
  you know, business isn't like home.
• 51:44
  I'm like, yeah, it is.
• 51:47
  Especially with how you and I are communicating this, this ecosystem where we all participate, where we're all involved, where we all can be proud of ourselves.
• 51:56
  And neuroscience says when children are proud of themselves, that's the most successful child.
• 52:01
  They don't want to like, they're not proud for the mom or the dad.
• 52:04
  They're proud for themselves.
• 52:05
  They figured this out.
• 52:07
  So the first time Tula put too many spices in the hamburger and I...
• 52:11
  honestly let her know and she felt that pain but she never put that much spice in a hamburger but she would have never learned right and how many of us who put too much spice i know i did as a kid yeah my parents allowed me to do that yeah so anyway if there's something um i because i know the answer to this one tell tell uh tell the audience something about you that nobody knows
• 52:32
  Oh, sure.
• 52:34
  Let's go for the embarrassing thing.
• 52:36
  So fun fact, I can't ride a bike.
• 52:40
  I have tried.
• 52:42
  As a kid, I would just end up in bushes and on the floor and hated it.
• 52:46
  And I found rollerblades and never looked back.
• 52:50
  And for my husband, I did...
• 52:52
  I bought a bike and we would ride and it was just like terrifying.
• 52:56
  And I tried to, you know, very nice person.
• 53:00
  So when someone's coming the other direction, I would always feel the need to wave and then I would start lingering and then fall down.
• 53:06
  So like, oh my gosh, I can see that.
• 53:08
  Yeah, like I couldn't stop waving, right?
• 53:11
  So it's like multiple things that are really not serving me well.
• 53:15
  You know that phrase, like, it's just like riding a bike, right?
• 53:18
  Like people can't really say that to me.
• 53:20
  So even if you haven't done this and it feels uncomfortable and like, you know, new territory for you to change your leadership style and start asking questions, take care.
• 53:31
  Treat it like me riding a bike.
• 53:32
  Like, I can't do it, but like I can do a million other things and I can do them really well.
• 53:36
  Right.
• 53:36
  So go out there, try asking a few questions of your employees and just setting different expectations for yourself.
• 53:44
  And then, you know what, you can put on your rollerblades instead of the old bike.
• 53:49
  Enjoy life.
• 53:50
  Yeah.
• 53:50
  And I think it really comes down to that.
• 53:52
  If you want to enjoy life, if you want to live, if you want to be a human humaning, this shift has to happen inside of us.
• 53:58
  And I'm so blessed that the mom's watching this.
• 54:04
  I mean, it's going to shake it up, right?
• 54:05
  They feel it.
• 54:06
  Like they felt you.
• 54:08
  They felt me.
• 54:10
  And if there's any way, if these moms want to reach out to you, do you have a website?
• 54:14
  You have a book coming out?
• 54:16
  It's not out yet.
• 54:17
  Yeah.
• 54:17
  Yeah.
• 54:18
  But it'll be out in when?
• 54:18
  December?
• 54:19
  Yeah.
• 54:19
  So December 1 is the publication date, burnout imperative.
• 54:24
  Pre-sales should go out about a month from now.
• 54:28
  So for now, you can go to the website.
• 54:33
  So patricebonfila.com.
• 54:35
  You'll get a few tidbits there.
• 54:38
  And then- Get on the email list.
• 54:39
  Yeah.
• 54:40
  And let's make some stuff happen.
• 54:42
  I like that.
• 54:42
  Shake it up.
• 54:43
  Shake it up.
• 54:44
  Thanks for being here, Patrice.
• 54:45
  I can't wait to work with you and help humanity together.
• 54:49
  Thank you.
• 54:49
  Thank you.