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An Australian Fireman Holding a Kitten?! · Shut Up and Ride

• 0:12
  Speaker A: Why do I always start this laughing? Welcome to the Shop Ride podcast. That sounded quite desperate, didn't it, Podcast?
• 0:22
  Speaker B: She's sounding slightly emotional. She's slightly emotional because it's just the two of us.
• 0:27
  Speaker A: It is just the two of us. We just got off the phone to Benjamin, who is with a poorly Wild. So we have to start by sending all the love to him and George and Baby Wild and hope he gets better soon. I am joined by Simon, whose hair is looking quite scary today. Anyone watching us on YouTube will be able to see it. It's quite upright today.
• 0:47
  Speaker B: It's very upright. So I actually had. I went teaching in Ireland last week and the people that I stay with, Martin, who I stay with, he is a hairdresser and he. He cut my hair, but he did like the sides and the back and he left quite a lot of length on the top. And I came back and James was like, you look like Sideshow Bob.
• 1:09
  Speaker A: I thought you said such a bob. Then I was like, what's such a Bob?
• 1:11
  Speaker B: No, Sideshow Bob. You know, from the Simpsons.
• 1:15
  Speaker A: Oh, wow. Yeah. So, by the way, you can watch this on YouTube, guys. This does get uploaded to YouTube. So if you want to see Simon's fabulous hair, go to YouTube. Yes.
• 1:25
  Speaker B: It's quite big.
• 1:26
  Speaker A: It is quite big. Like other things in your life, everything.
• 1:29
  Speaker B: Absolutely. Exactly. Just like other things in my life. Anyway, how are you?
• 1:33
  Speaker A: I'm right. I gotta say, We're. We're obviously partnered by Charles Owen on this podcast. Not hairdressers. But that's one of the reasons you like their hat. Because they keep your hair fabulous.
• 1:42
  Speaker B: They keep my hair fabulous. And they've actually just started doing a new thing about. For people of color with big hair.
• 1:52
  Speaker A: Yes. Make sure they have outfits.
• 1:54
  Speaker B: Yeah. Which is. Which is amazing. I think it's brilliant. I saw that the other day. I think. Good on them. That's excellent stuff like that. It's really cool. It just makes everything so much more inclusive.
• 2:03
  Speaker A: It just makes sense, doesn't it?
• 2:04
  Speaker B: Really?
• 2:05
  Speaker A: It makes sense?
• 2:06
  Speaker B: Yeah, totally.
• 2:07
  Speaker A: It does. But yes. No, I am good. I am. I went skiing yesterday for. Did you? You lucky thing, the snow. So, Simon, I treated myself. So I have learned to ski off Instagram videos. I've had one lesson since I've lived in Whistler.
• 2:29
  Speaker B: Oh, did you have a lesson?
• 2:30
  Speaker A: No, I didn't, but I need one. So what is it? It's just. Oh, it's just like horse riding. It's not like horse riding. I feel like I can ski green runs now. As long as it's a nice one and negotiate anything else. But I've just. And I went out and what is it? If I was gonna spend some money on a horse, I wouldn't. I wouldn't blink. I'd be like, my horse needs that. I need. I need to buy it. Why is it if I want to spend money on me, like, the one thing I don't like in the skiing is I'd just been had really old boots that I just bought off Marketplace, and my feet were so uncomfortable, like, I cannot tell you. And I was like, they're not tight enough. They are tight enough. I can't. My heel was lifting up. So I was like, I need. If I'm gonna enjoy this, I'm gonna buy this.
• 3:10
  Speaker B: You definitely don't want that happening.
• 3:12
  Speaker A: No. So I treated myself to a pair of boots and I thought this might make me better at skiing. It didn't. It did not.
• 3:21
  Speaker B: Turns out not.
• 3:21
  Speaker A: No.
• 3:24
  Speaker B: Oh, no. That's really annoying.
• 3:26
  Speaker A: I enjoyed it more because my feet didn't hurt, but I think I'd been doing. So I basically taught myself to ski in terrible boots. So I put these on. I was like, my knees are like. I mean, like, I can feel my shins and my heels. So I'm now in the correct position. But it's like watching, like, it's like I have to relearn to ski. I think I've basically taught myself to ski in really substandard boots.
• 3:47
  Speaker B: In really bad. In really bad boots. And now you're having to actually kind of get used to being in good. In nice, Nice gear.
• 3:54
  Speaker A: Exactly. And it was like having never ridden before, having to do go round badminton in a light seat. My legs were on fire.
• 4:03
  Speaker B: Oh, really?
• 4:04
  Speaker A: I applaud you, Simon Greave. You must have thighs of fucking steel. And to all the clients I've made who. Who are not cross country fit, go in a light seat for hours on end in a lesson of mine. I apologize the burn. So I. I must have just been in more of an upright position this whole time. And these boots are amazing. Like, I was like, I want to. I want to go, like, touring. So I want to be able to, like, hike up a mountain and then ski back down it. Only on, like, roads and stuff. I don't want to do anything scary.
• 4:40
  Speaker B: I was going to say, you got to be so careful, especially as things have been recently. Oh, my goodness. Like, the amount of accidents in the Alps in the last.
• 4:48
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Avalanche and stuff.
• 4:49
  Speaker B: It's just been unbelievable.
• 4:51
  Speaker A: We're quite Lucky here because it's quite like. There's lots of, like, what they call forest service roads because there's so much snow. They just get covered. So you basically just hike up what would normally be, like, a gravel path and then you can ski back down it. I'm not that adventurous. Um, but I kind of wanted to do that. So I got these new boots. So I have tomorrow. Cause we get a big discount where we live. I've booked in for a day lesson, but I'm. I. It's just really frustrating because I am competitive. I sound like such a knob. And I'm quite good at learning stuff. I like being taught well.
• 5:21
  Speaker B: I mean, you've done very well learning of, like, off the back of, like, YouTube videos and stuff.
• 5:26
  Speaker A: Yes, because I have done. Thank you. But the problem is if I have a lesson, there was, like, beginner, intermediate, advanced. Now I'm not a beginner because I can now do blue runs and I've done a black run. But intermediate was, like, comfortable on blue slopes. I would not say. I think comfortable. Comfortable is a very strong word. I wouldn't say I was comfortable on blues. So I was like, I've put myself down as a beginner.
• 5:50
  Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. But it's only, like. It's only for one session, isn't it? Or like, one day.
• 5:55
  Speaker A: One day, like.
• 5:57
  Speaker B: And I mean, they're used to that kind of stuff, aren't they? And those instructors are amazing. And they have to be so well qualified to be able to instruct. Like, you get somebody good.
• 6:07
  Speaker A: I drop. When I drop my kids off to ski school, I have a good sniff. I'm like, big night last night, lads. Yep. You're not having my child. And you. Because in Whistler, you can tell where they're from. It says their name and where they're from on their name badge. And. And it's always the fucking Aussies or the Brits. The stinker boos.
• 6:29
  Speaker B: But. But to become a ski instructor, you
• 6:32
  Speaker A: have to go through.
• 6:33
  Speaker B: They have to jump through a lot of hoops, don't you?
• 6:35
  Speaker A: I don't know. If they have to do on skis, that's even more impressive.
• 6:38
  Speaker B: They do jump through.
• 6:39
  Speaker A: If they have to jump through hoops on skis, that would be even more impressive.
• 6:42
  Speaker B: Yeah, that would be more impressive. Have you got your. Have you got your own skis?
• 6:46
  Speaker A: Yes. So that's what. The other thing I upgraded this year because they have something called the turkey sale. Why it's called a turkey sale, I don't know. So between the two seasons the mountain biking and the skiing they have, like, everything is half price. It's the shoulder season as well, it's called, and it's really cheap. So I got some X rentals, but they're beautiful and, like, barely been used for, like, everyone who's seen my skis have gone, how the fuck did you afford those? I'm like, I got them as X rentals and they're nearly perfect. And then that, that made me better. Those did make me better than my old shitty skis. So then I was like, right, if I buy the boots, I'm going to be brilliant. No, that did not happen.
• 7:22
  Speaker B: Oh, no, that's so disappointing.
• 7:25
  Speaker A: I know. But I was more comfortable. So now I feel like if I get a lesson, I'll know what I'm doing because I genuinely, I genuinely ski holding the poles, going, I have no idea what these are for. I may as well not be holding poles. Genuinely have no idea what they are for.
• 7:42
  Speaker B: Well, that's why when you first start learning to ski, like, more often than not, they, they, you go without poles.
• 7:48
  Speaker A: Yes. So I feel now this is. I'm at that point where I need to.
• 7:53
  Speaker B: You now need to know how to use your poles and what form.
• 7:56
  Speaker A: I can parallel turn now?
• 7:57
  Speaker B: Well, yes. So you need to turn.
• 7:59
  Speaker A: Yes, but I've. No. I'm literally like. It's like being in British show jumping now and carrying a crop absolutely. Of zero points or use. Yes. We need to talk about blood. Blood ruling. Anyway, but you're a very good skier. I've seen videos of you. I have to say, Simon, I think you're at your sexiest going clear around Burley or on a slope.
• 8:20
  Speaker B: Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, no, I love skiing. It's, it's. I probably. I love it as much, if not more than riding horses, to be honest. I just, I. I just. Yeah, I was such a privileged kid. We used to go skiing all the time. Mum and her husband, they bought chalet in France, so we used to be able to go. And I never went because I was always like, I'm too busy bagging. And I really regret that now because I wish I'd gone more, but. But yeah, it's fab. And I don't get to go very often. I haven't been this season. I don't think I'm gonna get to go this season, which is really annoying. But, like, if I do do it, I do it in a real, like, quick fire. I'll fly out, fly out early in the morning and then I Pick resorts where I can be skiing by like half 10, 11. And then I'll ski for the rest of the day and then I'll ski and they'll stay over one night, they'll ski the next day, and then I'll fly home. So like, they're quite quick fire visits. But I just love it. It's just. I love the mountain.
• 9:16
  Speaker A: Do you take your own stuff?
• 9:18
  Speaker B: So when I do it like that, I hire stuff when I'm there. So like. And also I just take a little rucksack with like the bare minimum stuff, like some clean pants and socks and. And I'll like wear my jackets and things and so I don't need to take luggage. So I can literally just jump on the plane, jump off the plane, jump in the hired car, drive to the slopes and then we're kind of there and then. And it's always better to have a higher car, I think, because then you can. Then you can jump out and. And normally I'll have like, wherever I'm staying, they'll have the skis and the boots ready so that I can. Let's just take, take them and go. And then when I get back. And then you ski back in, dump your boots and, and, and skis, jump in the car and drive to the airport. So it's quite efficient. But it's. Wow, I really enjoy it.
• 10:06
  Speaker A: It's really formulaic. Well, you do like a mountain. You have climbed Le Mont Blanc.
• 10:11
  Speaker B: Le Mont Blanc. Mont Blanc and the Grand Paradiso. Yeah, I was looking actually yesterday, the Zug Spitz, which is like the highest mountain in Germany. I was looking at that. I can't. I really want to do that. But you could come too, Jenny, because either you could climb with me or you could go up the cable car
• 10:30
  Speaker A: because I think I quite like the climb. Like, even yesterday when I was skiing down and I saw someone touring and coming up, I was like, I think I'd rather be going up. That's my thing.
• 10:40
  Speaker B: There's a real like, sense of achievement doing stuff like that. I saw this video and if somebody getting to the top of Zugspit, I think it's Zugspitz. I think you pronounce it and like. And then literally just coming up to the very top and there's like a great big kind of pole at the top.
• 10:56
  Speaker A: Is it bigger than Mont Blanc?
• 10:58
  Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing like, nothing like. And, and they get to the top and they're like, oh, what a mate. Or whatever they're doing. And then and then in the comments, and then there's this, these other two people there and they're kind of like just walking back and, and they're in the comments or says, why were the people that were at the top only in trainers and you're in crampons and, and we're roped up and they're like, oh, because car that you can take to the, to the top and those people who just come up on the cable car.
• 11:26
  Speaker A: So it's almost a bit like, oh,
• 11:28
  Speaker B: that's a bit disappointing.
• 11:29
  Speaker A: Oh, don't. I. I hiked something called Brandywine Mountain here and we parked at the bottom of the rainforest section of it because actually, did you know that British Columbia is a temperate rainforest? Interesting fact for the day.
• 11:41
  Speaker B: You know that?
• 11:42
  Speaker A: So you climbed through the forest before you got to this meadow? Through the meadow and up. And even by the time you got to the meadow you've been hiking for a good hour straight up, like quite a lot of elevation. And we got, obviously got up early and we hiked the mountain, came back down. As we were walking back through the meadow, there's lots of people like setting up cameras and doing Instagram pictures of themselves in these beautiful meadows in Burkes. I was like, how the holy fuck did they get up here? My friend James admitted. He was like, oh yeah, there was a higher car park we could have driven to off road.
• 12:13
  Speaker B: No, I felt we needed to do.
• 12:15
  Speaker A: And this is a 10 hour hike like up a mountain. And like real serious, like the biggest one I'd ever done. I was like, and I could have saved an hour. And now I have to hike down through this forest vertically for an hour and you're telling me we could have parked higher. He was like, ask me a question on 80s pop instead. Like, no, I don't want to answer this. I was like, you fucking ass buff.
• 12:41
  Speaker B: Yeah, well, when we did, when we did, when I did Montblanc, there is a train that can take you to a certain point, but the train was broken so we had to hike that bit as well. It's just kind of like, just added to the.
• 12:54
  Speaker A: That's disappointing.
• 12:55
  Speaker B: Added to the trauma of the whole thing.
• 12:57
  Speaker A: Well, Simon Greave, I would bloody love to hike a mountain with you. So let's do it.
• 13:01
  Speaker B: Well, maybe we should do that then.
• 13:03
  Speaker A: We should definitely do it. I'm going to Google it. I can't. I don't even know how to spell the mountain you're saying the words of. But I'm definitely looking this up.
• 13:10
  Speaker B: Yeah, you just need To Google, you just Google highest mountain in Germany. Or there's the highest mountain in Switzerland, which is the one that I really like to do, which is in Monte Rosa, and it's called DU4Spitz.
• 13:23
  Speaker A: Ooh, wow.
• 13:25
  Speaker B: And, yeah, I'd quite like to do that because apparently it's absolutely beautiful.
• 13:30
  Speaker A: Can you do a Swiss or a German accent, though? This is.
• 13:33
  Speaker B: No, not really.
• 13:34
  Speaker A: German's quite hard, isn't it?
• 13:36
  Speaker B: Yours is quite good, is it not, your German accent?
• 13:40
  Speaker A: I don't know now. No, I don't think so. I don't know if it's good or offensive. Oh, yeah, Das is good. I just remember. I just remember a song at university that went that one of the reasons the line was, o ya, das is good up de pooper. That's. Anyone who went to Southampton University may remember that, but I just remember there was a lot of. Oh, yeah, Das is good.
• 14:08
  Speaker B: It's like when you got, like, anybody that's been trained with, like, by a German dressage person, and they're, like, training you as well, they always, like, seem to, like, morph into having German accents. Like, how is your feeling? I'm sorry, what?
• 14:26
  Speaker A: I have no idea what you're saying, but you're an amazing trainer. Yeah, there is a lot of that, isn't it? But I think it's quite soothing for horse like Christophe.
• 14:35
  Speaker B: Oh, God, yeah. I think they're amazing.
• 14:38
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 14:38
  Speaker B: And I love the way that they work. They were the German guys. I mean, I don't really know much about it, but I. I really like their kind of thought processes behind, like, having licenses to be able to ride and that.
• 14:50
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 14:50
  Speaker B: You know, you have to be qualified to be able to ride. And I think that's a really amazing thing. I think it's a really good idea. And we obviously. We don't have it here, but, like, I. I think it'd be a really good thing to do personally.
• 15:02
  Speaker A: But also, speaking of the Germans, Michael Young's horse Sam, recently passed.
• 15:09
  Speaker B: Oh, no. So sad. What a horse. And the picture.
• 15:15
  Speaker A: The picture, Right. I don't know if anyone's seen it. The post that Michael Young put out, he's jumping a fence, like, straight on. And literally you can see Michael Young's obviously. It's obviously like a big, like, square, like, brush fence. And Sam's reaching, but the next fence is obviously from their point of view off to the left because Michael Young's head and shoulders are very slightly turned and he's eyeing up whatever fence is next. But so is Sam, and Sam's head. His body is straight like Michael's, but his head and his eyes are pointing to the exact same point that Michael Young's are. It's incredible. And that photo just makes me, like, all gooey inside because I'm like, you tell me that horse doesn't know and love his job. You cannot tell me that from that photo. The photo's amazing.
• 15:59
  Speaker B: And they had such an amazing, amazing rapport and relationship. And, like, Michael is just. He's just incredible, isn't he?
• 16:09
  Speaker A: Yeah. And also when I interviewed him, I was a bit starstruck, I think, when I interviewed him. And terrible, because when I first interviewed him, his English was not good. And in interviews, he just used to smile and nodded, like, smile and nod. And as I was really nervous and I'd spoken to Caroline Powell beforehand saying how nervous I was. I'm pretty sure I've told you this story before. And I had to interview him at badminton, and as I was interviewing him, Caroline came behind the camera making blowjob actions in my eyeline.
• 16:44
  Speaker B: She's so naughty.
• 16:45
  Speaker A: She is so naughty. But as a rider who has ridden in the Sam era yourself and competed against him.
• 16:56
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 16:56
  Speaker A: I always think it must have. If you're a top, top tennis player and you played tennis in the Federer era, it must have been like, oh, fuck, I wish I'd just been born 10 years later or five years, do you know what I mean? Because that. I mean, he's so good. No one really ever touched him, did they? I mean, I know, like, Djokovic and Nadal and it was always a fight, but Federer and Sampras and these players, you must. Or like, being a runner at the same time as Usain Bolt, do you know what I mean? You are the best in the world, bar one, and you'll never beat them. Was that a bit like eventing when Sam was on the sheet? Was it a bit like, ah, fuck, we're not going to beat him?
• 17:34
  Speaker B: I don't know. I mean, look, because there are some really amazing people out there that did beat. That did beat him. Like, he didn't win every single. I mean, he mugged most of the time, didn't he? But, like, I mean, it had no effect on me whatsoever. But, like, for the people that were kind of up there with him. Yeah, absolutely. That must have been really frustrating because, oh, God, he's here again. Of course he's going to win, like.
• 17:53
  Speaker A: But also he had the run of, like, having Sam and Chipmunk, so it was like he went to Kentucky and Won on Chipmunk. And he came back and won on Sam. It was like, oh, okay. Just.
• 18:02
  Speaker B: Yeah, I. I followed him in the dressage once at Burley. That was annoying because I have all the people that I have to follow. Why do I have to follow him? But actually, that was the year. That was the year also. Which didn't do me any favors either. That was. Either he fell in the water.
• 18:18
  Speaker A: Oh. And yet not even at the jump.
• 18:19
  Speaker B: Yeah, like, it was fence three or something. And he. And he, like, turned over because the horse fell in the water and. Yeah. And I was one after him and, like, someone came out. Oh, my God, Michael Young's just fallen off. And I was like, if he's fallen off, then what the hell's gonna happen to me? He's amazing. I'm rubbish.
• 18:41
  Speaker A: If you can't do it, no one can.
• 18:43
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. But then I was parked next to him that year as well, and because he broke something, didn't he, in that fall? And then he rode another horse with a broken foot or something. And I remember, like, he was sat by his lorry. I think he had his foot in, like, a bucket of ice. I can't remember. But he was doing something and I was like, oh, dear, that doesn't look very good, does it? I just clear, by the way.
• 19:06
  Speaker A: Yeah. Did you. Did you hear? I'm sorry, but I just went clear. I'm burning. But surely it wasn't. I. Surely he's like. Like the Terminator.
• 19:16
  Speaker B: Yeah, he's literally superhuman.
• 19:17
  Speaker A: Yeah. He's just. They've just got some WD40 and they're putting him back together. The man is amazing.
• 19:22
  Speaker B: I just think. I'm thinking now of Arnold Schwarzenegger again. I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle separately.
• 19:29
  Speaker A: I need your clothes, your boots and your horse. Simon.
• 19:33
  Speaker B: Actually, I reckon he would have got on really well with Bozzy. Bozzy would have liked him. Although. Although I think. I reckon Bozzy would have got, like, about a quarter of the way and been like, mate, we don't normally go this fast. Can we just calm down a bit?
• 19:49
  Speaker A: Well, we've got fans to wave at on the way past.
• 19:53
  Speaker B: I need to say hi to people in the crowd. Just calm down. Anyway, right, so we've got questions, haven't we?
• 20:00
  Speaker A: We do have questions. Also, while we're talking about great horses passing, can we have a little moment for Mr. Bass as well? Laura Collins.
• 20:08
  Speaker B: Oh, yes, yes.
• 20:11
  Speaker A: I sent. I just.
• 20:12
  Speaker B: What a special chap he was.
• 20:14
  Speaker A: Oh, just amazing. And I, like. I know he hasn't had the accolades of London 52.
• 20:21
  Speaker B: He should have done, though.
• 20:23
  Speaker A: Yeah, I think he. His career was cut short. But also I think for Laura, and I don't think Laura might be saying this, I think mentally for her, that horse was transformative. Like, he was such a bold cross country horse and I just really feel
• 20:40
  Speaker B: like he made her believe in herself.
• 20:42
  Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she's such a talent. I mean, you. I mean, she's extraordinary. You just watch that girl ride. She's fucking unbelievable. But I just. I just feel like he was the horse that gave her the belief. I don't know, I might be completely wrong, but I just. When you watch her talk about Mr. Bass, her face lights up as. Do you know what I mean? He was such a horse for her. So, um, that. And I know, like he was in the field in. In behind the yard and like with her all the time. And. And that's just it f. It sucks, doesn't it?
• 21:11
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's hard. Really hard.
• 21:14
  Speaker A: So, Mr. Bass, we salute you. Could you go and say hi to Finn and gorgeous girl going, yes, yes. Up in the air.
• 21:24
  Speaker B: A very special horse, that one.
• 21:26
  Speaker A: Yeah, really special. So heart goes out to Laura and. And old Mickey Young. Right. We have her questions. While I'm looking up the questions. How are you? Have you. How's been acting? How is.
• 21:38
  Speaker B: Well, we had a break last week because it was half term.
• 21:41
  Speaker A: Oh, I'm disappointed. I wanted to know how Calvin, Simon and Theodore were doing.
• 21:47
  Speaker B: Yeah, no, that's okay. I'm going there later today. I've got to recite my poem and I've got to do lots of different tones in my voice and like different textures to my voice in the. In this poem. And I've got to do like movements for the poem as well. And I'm supposed to have practiced that, which of course. Of course I haven't, but. But I do know it. So that's good because I'm really bad at learning lines. But I've learned this.
• 22:16
  Speaker A: And how do I say this? How. So when do you, like. Do they work on, like, how you talk? Like. Because you're very good at an accent. So do they say like.
• 22:30
  Speaker B: No, he. No, he hasn't worked on that actually. No. Well, I suppose, yes, to a point. Like, he takes on board, like your tone and the speed that you're talking and that kind of stuff.
• 22:40
  Speaker A: Because you do talk quite fast sometimes. You do talk quite fast.
• 22:44
  Speaker B: Yeah, very fast sometimes. Oh my. I did that. I did that the weekend I had a bit Of a disaster. The weekend.
• 22:51
  Speaker A: Oh, no, just honestly, before I talk too fast as well. When I was doing Spruce Meadows, it was like I was a competition winner. I was so excited to be there. And I looked back and I was like, jesus, why would anyone employ me to be a presenter? I was terrible. So this isn't a criticism, this is
• 23:07
  Speaker B: Jenny Rudle on speed.
• 23:08
  Speaker A: Yes. Literally, it was like I'd won a prize to be the presenter there. It was terrible. Anyway. Yes. What happened when I find these questions. Yeah, do you want to talk about it? Do you need to get it off your chest?
• 23:19
  Speaker B: Well, so. So I was. So I was doing this. Presenting and, well, hosting a dinner. So it was like the. A gala dinner with an awards ceremony for Horses Inside out, which is an amazing organization. It's the one where Gillian paints. Paints the horses. Paints like muscles and bones onto the horses. And it's really educational, but it's not just about that. It's also about educating about horse welfare. And she's really interesting and she'd be really good to have on here, actually. Anyways, but she had organized this awards dinner and it was quite glitzy and there was a stage and then there were like four big screens all around the room. I think there were probably about 150 people having sit down dinner. And I was like, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Horses Inside out gala dinner and awards. My name is Simon Greave and I'm here to guide you through this evening.
• 24:10
  Speaker A: And then we're playing your checkout voice. Guide you through this evening.
• 24:14
  Speaker B: Guide you through this evening. And then we played Heads and Tails and that all went quite well. So that was all good. And then I was like, right, it's time for the main course, so enjoy your meals. And then so they. And then the next bit was to give out the awards. Now these were awards that people didn't know that they were getting. Oh, no. And the first screen was basically named what the award was. And then it flicked and I was in control of the slideshow. And then you went to the next slide, which was pictures kind of flying in from directions of this person that had won the award, who didn't know they won the award. So that would be the moment when they go, oh, oh my God, it's me. And then the next one was their name and capital letters and music plays and through around the whole room. And then they're supposed to come up and come up and get their award. So. Right. Happy days. Easy peasy. Anyway, so I'm on the first slide, where I'm talking about what the prize is. And so I was like, oh, so these rewards are basically a big thank you. And as I was saying that, I pressed a button by mistake. So then all the pictures started flying onto the screen, and I was like, oh, fuck, I need to stop that. So in my haste to stop that and try and then go back, I flicked it on again. So then the music played, and the name came up in capital letters on the screen. And so basically I announced the winner before they even knew what the prize was. It was really embarrassing, Jenny. It was really embarrassing. Really bad. Anyway, so then I. So then I. Eventually, I couldn't get the music to stop. So it was, you know. You know when it's going wrong, you're like, oh, God, I can't get this to work.
• 25:53
  Speaker A: Pivots. This is a disaster.
• 25:56
  Speaker B: And eventually I managed to get the music to stop, and then I flicked it back onto the original. Original sign. I was like, right, everyone, we're gonna all pretend that that didn't just happen and we're gonna start again, okay? And then they all laughed and it was fine. And Gillian did look quite cross when I looked over to see her. I don't know whether she was or whether she wasn't, but by the end, she was laughing. She thought it was quite funny in the end. But I did manage to do it again with the third award.
• 26:21
  Speaker A: Wow.
• 26:22
  Speaker B: Skipped early. And then I had to do. There was another couple of awards that somebody else was supposed to give out, and Richard Davison was one of them. But there was this lady that did the best stand award for the conference. And so she came up and she said, we're going to do a silver and a gold award. The silver goes to such and such. And they came up and got their thing. And I was like, right, well, we need to go on to the next slide. And I flicked onto the next slide as she was saying, and the winner of the gold is. And I flicked onto the next slide, but it had music on it, didn't it? So the music started playing while she was talking about the gold winner. So this is all going horribly wrong.
• 27:00
  Speaker A: Sounds like too many moving parts to trust you with, Simon, to be completely honest.
• 27:05
  Speaker B: I know. And then. And then I managed to finish the whole thing, and that was all great. And then. And then had had, like, a drink and with the guys, and then. But I was driving home, so then Richard had said to me, oh, you can leave your car in the conference center car park, and then we'll go up to the hotel, which is where the wards were. So I walked back, which is 10 minutes, walked back to my car and I was like, there are literally no cars in this car park. What's going on? Anyway, so they got my car, drove out and the whole car park was blocked off, like, with metal gates and all padlocked. So I was stuck in this car park and you know when you've not had the best evening. And I'd had a really long week and I was really quite tired, which I think is one of the main reasons why I screwed up so badly. Although everyone was very nice and said I didn't screw up, but I did anyway. So I got out of the car and I was like, I can't believe this. So then I went around and. And I read the sign and it said, this is car park closes at 11:30. And I said, well, it's 11 o', clock, so what the hell, is it closed already? But anyway, but it was close. It was locked. And so then I rang. I've rung Julian and I run Richard and I rung Jeanette because they were all there and none of them answers. I was like, oh, God's sake. And I was kind of like. And wandering around to see whether there's anyone around I could like. And no one was around and. And I must have been there for like 10, 15 minutes, literally jumping them down, like, getting really irate, like, you would, Jenny. I'm sure you could see.
• 28:31
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
• 28:32
  Speaker B: I was like, this is a complete disaster. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna have to sleep in my fucking car.
• 28:36
  Speaker A: This is just.
• 28:38
  Speaker B: Anyway, so then all of a sudden there's a car that was parked up on the other side of the metal gates. And this guy got out in a high vis jacket. He came over and he's like, mate, are you. You wanting to go? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And he was like, well, it's a good job I'm security then, isn't it? He'd literally been sitting there for 15 minutes watching me, watching you. And it's quite funny now, but at the time I was like, you are a wanker. I didn't actually say that to him because he was quite big and scary. But I was thinking that
• 29:12
  Speaker A: that is brilliant. So he let me out, just sat there. I think, to be honest, you would be a bit like, wonder how long I can push this. But before he starts breaking things.
• 29:23
  Speaker B: So mean.
• 29:24
  Speaker A: Poor Simi. Poor Simi. You just sat there. I bet the guy was just probably videoing you as well.
• 29:31
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. I say, oh, my God, he's really jumping up town. He's getting really cross. Oh, he's kicking it. He's kicking his tires.
• 29:38
  Speaker A: It was like the other day when I. My friend lives in Putney and her street is ridiculous. Cars park either side so only one car can get up and down. And outside her house has got like a single yellow. And I needed to park there to get the kids and the suitcases and everything, just to load up and then go. And as I'm driving down, a van had blocked me in for ages. So I waited for like half an hour, 40 minutes for this car to go with the kids in the car. And as the car, the van pulled, reversed away and I went to go in. A bloody plumbing van went in that spot. And I was like, guys, I've been waiting here for ages. I just need to park in there for two seconds. Can you just reverse out so I can do it? And they were like, yeah, yeah, okay. But as they went to reverse out, another guy in a bloody Range Rover comes and blocks me. And I was like, can you just move back so they can move there so I can go in there and then everyone can get on their way. I have been waiting for ages. The guy who was using the removal van, even very, very raw Putney type. Oh, yeah, no, no, she has been, she has been. And this guy was like, no. I was like, excuse me.
• 30:38
  Speaker B: Ooh, that's not good.
• 30:41
  Speaker A: And then by this point, I've got cars behind me, so I can't move. And he just went, no, I'm not moving, why should I? And I was like, oh, I have been really polite. Like, I've been astonishingly polite. And I was like, are you? And even the plumbers at this point were like, dude. And he starts filming us. He's like, I'm not moving, why should I? And he starts filming us. I'm like, what are you going to film? Like, why are you filming me? So I did a little dance for him.
• 31:09
  Speaker B: And then I was like, of course you did.
• 31:10
  Speaker A: Fuck you. Just opened my boot and started loading the car up there. And then I was like, if you're not gonna move, dude. But, yeah, that's what I kind of imagine the security guard was doing to you. Just having a little film as you're
• 31:22
  Speaker B: jumping off the car. Yeah, no, I reckon he was having a real. I think. Well, I'm assuming he was having a fun time and laughing. But, yeah, there was quite a lot of that going on at Simon that
• 31:32
  Speaker A: night because that is a little bit of, like, not just anger, but also pan panic as you're whirling through your head all the situations.
• 31:40
  Speaker B: Well, like, I was. Because I was like an hour. Just. Just under an hour from home. So, like, I wasn't going to get home until quite late. And like I say, and I know I always say, but I have, like, been ridiculously busy in the last couple of weeks. Like, it's to the point of being a bit stupid. And I was just like, I'm just. I just want to go to bed
• 31:58
  Speaker A: and I've got to ride nine horses tomorrow.
• 32:00
  Speaker B: I just want to go to bed. You know, that kind of vibe.
• 32:04
  Speaker A: Yeah, I've been there. We've all been there. Right. We do have questions to answer. I'm very much enjoying the first one we got sent. So many guys. A big shout out to anyone who's messaged. I'm sorry if I haven't replied, but yeah, there's so many messages which I love. Thank you so much. But what person's the first one from? Haley McNabb. It says, Simon, what's your fave thing to do when you're alone on the yard and no one else is about.
• 32:35
  Speaker B: What's my favorite thing to do when I'm alone and there's no one on?
• 32:39
  Speaker A: Is it practice a TikTok dance?
• 32:42
  Speaker B: Yeah, probably. Actually. Yeah, I've done quite a lot of TikTok dances. I haven't done any for ages. But, like, quite a lot of the ones that are on my TikTok are ones that I've done when I've been the first one in the yard. There's no one around, so. Yeah, that's a really good point. Probably is TikTok dances, that is. Or TikTok voiceovers. You know, I do love those as well.
• 33:01
  Speaker A: Well, is that when you, like, do a thing like awake in the morning and I step outside and then you.
• 33:06
  Speaker B: Yeah, and you're. And you're. And you're like.
• 33:08
  Speaker A: Or
• 33:10
  Speaker B: I've. There's one which I do where it's hyacinth bouquet. And she says, drive very slowly past number 22. I wanted to see my hat. And I. I did a voiceover of that.
• 33:21
  Speaker A: I'm not gonna do that.
• 33:22
  Speaker B: I must look really stupid when I do do them. Cause I'm like, obviously filming myself just riding along. I must look really silly. Silly. But who cares? There was one that I did which was. What's it called? Harry Potter. And. And it just. It just. I watched somebody else doing it. There's this bunch of lads doing it and they were just so funny with it. Like, it was just really. Just the sound was really, really funny. So I thought, I'm gonna have a go at that. So I did it while I was riding and. And it was all of them. It was Hermione and Harry and the other one, what's his name? And so, like. So, like, it was going from one to the other, so I was, like, doing them different angles. So I was, like, chatting on one angle and then the next kid, I was, like, chatting on the other angle and. And I was. It was just a hacking day. So I was, like, really bored on my own. And. Well, I shouldn't be. I should be taking it seriously, shouldn't I? But anyway, I was all bored of my own. And honestly, I had the most entertaining morning. Just, like, playing around with it. It's just. It's brilliant. I love it. James thinks I'm insane and thinks it's really bad for me, but I think it's. I think it's good for my little mentality.
• 34:26
  Speaker A: I think it's fun. And I don't watch many of them, but in my head, every time I'm seeing people do this amount of stuff on Instagram, I'm like, where do you find the time and the day? I just genuinely. Because it needs planning and effort and
• 34:41
  Speaker B: I just need that. No, it doesn't. It doesn't need that much planning.
• 34:44
  Speaker A: It just looks like a lot of effort to me.
• 34:46
  Speaker B: Yeah, no, well, mine aren't.
• 34:50
  Speaker A: Maybe that's.
• 34:50
  Speaker B: I wonder what it'd be like if I did spend lots of time over it.
• 34:53
  Speaker A: I know, different hairstyles and outfits and everything.
• 34:56
  Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I did think the other day I was like, I wonder if I had a normal job. Like. Well, I say, yeah, like a 9 to 5 a job. Yeah, like a. Like a. Like an office job or it's like. Or something where I'm just working, like, standard hours.
• 35:13
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 35:13
  Speaker B: I wonder what I would be like. I reckon I'd be bouncing off the walls.
• 35:16
  Speaker A: Oh, 100%. I can't work in an office.
• 35:19
  Speaker B: Like, if I had a whole weekend to do whatever I wanted with and it didn't involve doing horse stuff, I
• 35:23
  Speaker A: mean,
• 35:25
  Speaker B: I reckon I'd be a nightmare. I'd be so annoying.
• 35:28
  Speaker A: Oh, my God. 100%. Like a. First of all, I can't work for people. Have you met me? I don't like being told what to do. And secondly, like, I would annoy the shit out of people. I just couldn't sit at A desk for. For that long. I'd be so annoying. So annoying. Like offensively annoying. And I would just swear too much. I have. I was not built for office work. No. I've never survived. I used to be a security guard and I used to have to sit and watch the cameras in the oceanography center in Southampton. Oh my God. I was so bad at it. I couldn't concentrate for two seconds. I was the worst security guard. And then when I did night shifts, I used to just be. Go and find the first aid cupboard and go to school, sleep on the bed.
• 36:13
  Speaker B: That's naughty.
• 36:14
  Speaker A: I know. And then there was also a bit where no camera could reach outside. So if it was sunny, I used to hide behind a hut and just sunbathe. Yeah. I was not.
• 36:22
  Speaker B: I was not designed such a hard worker.
• 36:25
  Speaker A: I know. I was not designed for conventional jobs. Yeah. I did bulb picking once when I was in my, like late teens and bought the gloves to do the bulb picking. You know, when you like pull tulips out the ground. I lasted one day. It was the most boring work I've ever done. This is a person who could muck out 15 million stables quite happily and work a backstar. But picking bulbs. Couldn't do it. And the problem was as well, when I went to do it, I'd bought two left gloves. So my. I was like, you need gloves to pick bulbs and I bought two left gloves. It was the worst job. Right.
• 37:01
  Speaker B: Oh, sorry.
• 37:01
  Speaker A: 1.
• 37:01
  Speaker B: Another thing that I do like doing on my own is like, don't need
• 37:05
  Speaker A: to know about that.
• 37:06
  Speaker B: Proper grooming. Proper grooming like, proper grooming like a proper full on rubber curry comb all round and then flick it off with a long, long brush, dandy brush and then, and then a proper body brush and then like wetting the mane over and like, like. I just, I just love that when I just don't have time.
• 37:31
  Speaker A: Grooming lesson. Anyone doesn't know how to groom properly, Simon's your man.
• 37:36
  Speaker B: I love doing that, but I just don't do it.
• 37:38
  Speaker A: That's because you're the rider.
• 37:40
  Speaker B: I don't. Well, I just don't have time. I loved it in Covid because I had loads of time to be able to do that. It was great. I think it's really good for them as well.
• 37:54
  Speaker A: Wow. Thanks for that insightful pony club lesson.
• 37:57
  Speaker B: Sorry.
• 37:59
  Speaker A: It's true though, isn't it? It is true. But you're the talent, you see, you don't have to do it. Right. We got loads of messages. Oh, no. Some of Them. Simon, can you give your best advice? This is equine spirit journey.
• 38:21
  Speaker B: Cool.
• 38:22
  Speaker A: Good handle. Can you give your best advice on borrowing your first competition horse? I'm guessing this is different to your first horse. A very specific competition horse, a horse they wish to compete.
• 38:38
  Speaker B: I'd be getting help. I would be getting somebody that knows what they're talking about. I'd be getting somebody that is good with confirmation, has experience, is knowledgeable, that can go with you to look and trying not to be that annoying person that's like, oh, I really like him, but I'm gonna come back again with my trainer. We'll go with your trainer in the first place so that your trainer can have a look. Well, because there's nothing more annoying, is there? When you're like showing horses to people and they're like, they come back multiple times. So, yeah, I think getting plenty, getting the right help, getting somebody that knows what they're talking about.
• 39:11
  Speaker A: Awesome.
• 39:12
  Speaker B: And if you can't get someone to come with you, at least have somebody that you can send videos to or, you know. Yeah, that would be my biggest suggestion.
• 39:20
  Speaker A: I also don't have the person who's giving you advice be the person who's on commission for the horse.
• 39:26
  Speaker B: Yes, yes, exactly. Because that happens a lot, isn't it?
• 39:29
  Speaker A: Oh, yes. And it is amazing how someone can convince you that a fault is okay. Like, don't get me wrong, and I'm not talking about a vetting fault. Like, I, I, there's plenty of things that I would that might not pass a vet that I think, you know what, that horse will still do the job. I'm talking about, like, I think some top riders can overlook an amateur's what is important to them, like nerves wise. Do you know what I mean? Like, I, I just think you can't put a price on a horse that can hack alone or safely. Do you know what I mean? Like, if a horse is a twat to hack and you're an amateur who really enjoys that and as well as the competing, that's not something you can just overcome in the first, you know, I mean you're not going to be able to train that out of them because you're nervous, then of think little things like that that I think are top competitor might not look at in the same way. I know you would because you obviously you get it. But I think finding the right advice that suits what you want to do.
• 40:27
  Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. And you know, you want to be taking somebody with you that knows you as well, knows you well. You know, is definitely knows what you like or what you know, you're working, you're reading off the same hymn sheet
• 40:42
  Speaker A: someone here has written. Tasha Franklin, I like this message. This is a bit of us. We with the world going to shit. Some good news stories would be fab. I love that. I agree. Tell us some good news.
• 41:03
  Speaker B: Oh my goodness. Some good news that I've got.
• 41:08
  Speaker A: Just say something nice.
• 41:09
  Speaker B: Some really, really good news that I've got is that Amanda, who works for me, had her baby on Tuesday.
• 41:13
  Speaker A: Yay. Are we allowed to tell the world now?
• 41:16
  Speaker B: That's really good news. And well, it wasn't such great news because at 6:30 in the morning on Tuesday morning, she rang me and she was eight weeks premature and she was still working. So like, she rang me at 6:30 and she was like, hi, I just. I think I might be going into labor. And I was like, yeah, okay, love, are you sure? I was like, okay.
• 41:39
  Speaker A: If a woman's going into labor, Simon, one of the things probably, there's probably a dictionary on what you shouldn't say. And one of them is, absolutely.
• 41:46
  Speaker B: So I didn't say that. I was thinking that. I was thinking that. So I wouldn't, I would never say that. I was thinking, yeah, okay, I'm sure. Anyway, so. And it was because she's like, but it's okay. I can't come into work because it was her mum's day off. And she was like, but Mum's going to come in instead. My husband's going to drive Mum into work now and then he's going to come back and pick me up and take me to the hospital. And I was like, pretty sure that's how this should work. Should not your husband be taking you straight to the hospital? No, it's like, oh, no, it's fine. I need to pack a bag anyway, because she, it, whatever. It's so early, I wasn't really expecting it and so I was like, okay. Anyway, so apparently then she went, she did get to the hospital and then she said she was riding around in pain at like 9 o' clock and she's like, I want an epidural. And they said, too late, love, she's on her way. And she was out by 10.
• 42:36
  Speaker A: Oh, goodness. Well, fair play to you, Amanda. Congratulations.
• 42:40
  Speaker B: And then I tell you honestly. So Maggie came in and just like ran round the yard and just was brilliant. Like, she's amazing, that woman. She's like 62 and just like hardcore. Worked so hard and is just, oh, she's just a Wonderful. She's a wonderful woman. And then about two days later, I came back from riding and the clippers are going. And I'm like, why are the clippers going? And. And there was Amanda clipping a horse.
• 43:12
  Speaker A: What, after two days? After having a baby?
• 43:14
  Speaker B: Yeah. And I was like, what are you doing? She's like, oh, I just want some normality, normality back in my life. So I thought I'd come and do something useful.
• 43:22
  Speaker A: And I was like, what the hell?
• 43:24
  Speaker B: What are you doing? So, yeah, like, unbelievable, Unbelievable. It's because Matilda, she's called Matilda. I love the names that she's. She's Matilda. Matilda is the girl and Stanley is the little boy that she's got. And there's just such cool names. And, yeah, Matilda is in ICU because she's premature and, like. But she's had, like, the brain scan that she needs and all that kind of. And everything looks really good. So, like, it's nothing to be worrying about. But I think because she's there, Amanda's like, oh, I need something to do. I'm like, but you've, like, you've now got two children, like, but yet you're still coming in and helping us, which is so wonderful. Like, they're. They're very, very, very good people, those two.
• 44:06
  Speaker A: I love you, Simon. Grieve. But two days after pushing out a human, I'm not clipping a horse for you. Just clear on that in our relationship.
• 44:12
  Speaker B: Unbelievable.
• 44:13
  Speaker A: She's unbelievable. Yeah, she is amazing.
• 44:17
  Speaker B: Super special stuff.
• 44:18
  Speaker A: Do you know one of the best things you can buy people when they've had a baby? I dread to think cook vouchers or cook meals. You know, that really nice brand that do frozen food that's like, all freshly prepared and then they just freeze it. It's called Cook. We are not sponsored by Cook in any way. I show before. Can I just add, when I have my kids, especially two under two, oh, they're the best because they're, like, proper lovely, like risottos and, like, vegetable lasagnas and stuff. And also they do toddler ones as well. So getting a Cook voucher and just being able to do an online order or someone just buying you loads of pies and, like, they even do, like, the lovely mashed potato or dauphinoir potatoes. She just means for like a week, you don't have to cook, but you're getting the proper meals, so the best.
• 45:01
  Speaker B: Oh, that'd be really good.
• 45:03
  Speaker A: So if you're looking for a present for her, get her some of those.
• 45:05
  Speaker B: Yeah. I should. Really, I should.
• 45:07
  Speaker A: Honestly, that's what every. When anyone. My friends has a baby, I either load up their freezer with cooked stuff or get them a cook voucher.
• 45:14
  Speaker B: Yeah, like, but she, like, she's coming into work tomorrow.
• 45:18
  Speaker A: She's fucking insane.
• 45:19
  Speaker B: She is. Like, she's. She's. Children. Have I told you about. Can you remember when there was the beast from the east?
• 45:26
  Speaker A: Yes. Back March 2018.
• 45:29
  Speaker B: Yeah. And it was. And it was horrendous, wasn't it? Like, really bad. Anyway, so the girls lived about half an hour away from the yard. Then I was in a different place, and I lived literally just around the corner. Well, literally, like 100 meters from the yard. Anyway, so it was a really, really rough night the night before, and it was like a proper blizzard. It was just horrendous. And the next morning I woke up and I was like, well, I'm gonna have to be doing the yard on my own, aren't I? And we had, like. Like 15 horses in or something. Maybe even 18 horses. Like, lots of horses in. And. And I just. I just remember Amanda. Remember, she's like, oh, Mr. Groovy, I'm really sorry, but I don't think we're trying to get through. But, like, I was like, don't try and get through. Like, it's far to get to that. It was on a place called Tilton on the hill. The clue's in the name. It's on top of a hill. It's really bleak, and to get there, you have to go up a really, really big hill. Anyway, so. And she was like, oh, no, it doesn't. Are we going to be able to get there? We try. And I was like, you turn around, go home. Honestly, it's fine. I'll be fine. Thinking, jesus Christ, what loads to do all on my own. But, like. And I was like, I'll be absolutely fine. Just, you've got to. Guys, got to be safe. Just. Just go. Go home. Go home. And she's like, okay, okay. Anyway, so, like, about half an hour later, I'm mucking out, and then these two bodies, these two people just arrive on the yard. And I'm like, what the hell are you guys doing here? How did she get here? Cause, like, it was literally to get there, it was like, just drifts of snow. And she's like, well, I got shoveled in the boot in my car, so I just. I dug our way out of where we were, and then I parked up in Tilton and then we walked, which was four miles. Like, they walked across, like, the. And they were like, we came across the fields. So they went and walked across the fields to this. Like, this deep, deep. Like, unbelievable. Like, just such amazing girls. So amazing. But Maggie is that of that ilk. She's like, gotta get the job done a bit. Like, I probably told you about when her husband passed away. Did I say about that?
• 47:30
  Speaker A: No.
• 47:31
  Speaker B: So. So, yeah, I think I can talk about this. Yeah. So we were. I was at work. I was riding out, and Amanda ran me, and she said, Mr. Grave, I'm really sorry, but my dad's really very unwell. And. Cause he was. He was in hospice at the time. We knew that things weren't great, that he's really unwell, so. And I think we're gonna have to go and say goodbye. And so I was like, oh, God, Amanda, of course you go. Go and do. I can do the yard spine. Cause I was fine. That would be fine. You go, go, go. And, you know, we'll speak later. So, like. So off they go. About, like, an hour, hour and a half later, she rings me and she said, oh, Simon, very sadly, dad has passed away. And I was like, oh, Amanda, I'm so, so sorry. You guys take your time. Come back when. When you're ready. I'll be absolutely fine. She's like, oh, no, no, no. We'll be back in half an hour. I was like, yeah, but like, your dad's. Dad's just. Your dad's just died and Maggie's husband's just. And she's like, yeah, yeah, but the horses need doing. You know, we'll be back in half now. And that was it. Like, they didn't take any other time off.
• 48:34
  Speaker A: Proper horse people, like, proper.
• 48:35
  Speaker B: Like, they're like, the horses need doing. The horses need doing, and you need our help. I mean, that doesn't really exist anymore, does it?
• 48:41
  Speaker A: No. 100%. Also, do you make them call you Mr. Greave?
• 48:48
  Speaker B: No, Maggie calls me Mr. Greaves. It's always with an S on the end as well.
• 48:52
  Speaker A: Mr. Greaves, I love that. It did just sound like, if anyone doesn't know you, I obviously know your relationship with Maggie and Amanda, and I know who's in charge. But it just made that story. I just needed to caveat that, because it does sound like you're so far up your own ass, you make your staff call you.
• 49:09
  Speaker B: Oh, no, no, no, no. Maggie calls me the screams.
• 49:12
  Speaker A: I just wanted to give the world context. They're like, he says he's the nicest guy in eventing. Actually, he Makes his staff come in a snow blizzard. They have to come in and clip after giving birth. And also if someone dies, you've got to be back at work within the day.
• 49:30
  Speaker B: Yeah. It's like Maggie calls me Mr. Greaves. She just does it. She's like, Morning, Ms. Greaves.
• 49:35
  Speaker A: Wow. I bet you love that, don't you?
• 49:38
  Speaker B: Oh, well, I mean, it's like, to be fair, my dad, all his like. Because my dad's a bear. Was a bear. And everyone used to call him Mr. Greaves. So it's really weird how they call me Mr. Greaves as well.
• 49:49
  Speaker A: It's when people call Oliver Oliver Townsend, there's no S in it.
• 49:53
  Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, I hate that.
• 49:55
  Speaker A: Or Ollie Townsend, because he hates.
• 49:57
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah. He literally. He would die if someone calls him Ollie.
• 50:01
  Speaker A: Ollie Townsend. It makes me chortle heartily inside. Especially if it's someone interviewing and they've managed to get an interview before me or something like that. And I just hear them say that and I'm like, good luck with that interview. That's gonna go well.
• 50:14
  Speaker B: He's gonna love you. Yeah. Or not.
• 50:17
  Speaker A: Ollie Townsend, how was your round? Fine.
• 50:24
  Speaker B: You wouldn't put it past him to just move on.
• 50:26
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah, 100%. 100%. Right. So some good news. I found some sea otters return from near extinction and help return restore kelp forests. This was posted 5 days ago. Sea otters were nearly wiped out by fur hunting, leaving about a thousand animals and 13 more 13 small populations. By 1911, after receiving a legal protection, their decline has stopped. The reintroductions are a huge success in southeast Alaska, where over 400 otters were returned. Now has a population of 25,000. And there are over 125,000 sea otters alive in the Pacific Ocean today.
• 51:06
  Speaker B: Wow.
• 51:07
  Speaker A: Well, there we go.
• 51:08
  Speaker B: Well, there you go. That is very good news.
• 51:10
  Speaker A: There we go. A little bit good news. If anyone wants to see, there's two
• 51:13
  Speaker B: lots of good news.
• 51:14
  Speaker A: Yeah, I follow good news stories on Instagram because again, I'm like that. I just need to see something nice in my day.
• 51:21
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
• 51:23
  Speaker A: Yeah. I can show you the tangle if you want.
• 51:25
  Speaker B: I follow things like gays who mean well. Men. Well, and they are very funny. They're either very, very funny. I have very good looking men on them. So it's a win win for me.
• 51:39
  Speaker A: I do follow the Australian fireman.
• 51:43
  Speaker B: Do you?
• 51:44
  Speaker A: Yeah. They basically run around in their fire gear without their tops on rescuing kittens. It's wonderful.
• 51:49
  Speaker B: Oh, I think I'll have to. I'LL have to follow them. I haven't seen that.
• 51:51
  Speaker A: Oh, I'll send you a link. It's wonderful. Delilah did catch me over my shoulder looking at it and sending one to my friend Kate and she was like, mummy, what are you looking at? Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, darling, nothing. Just looking at our services, looking at the people who save us from fires. Very important. Okay. Oh, God, there's so many. What's annoyed you this week from Rosie Russell. Wonderful, Rosie. I hate it when people walk slowly after you've landed from an airplane.
• 52:22
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah, it's so annoying.
• 52:24
  Speaker A: It is so annoying. Especially if you've only got hand luggage. Yeah, so annoying.
• 52:29
  Speaker B: And the slow people seem to kind of like go into a big, big row so you can't go past them.
• 52:35
  Speaker A: I like this message. Laura, Emily Life. I. I don't know, like her names and Laura, Emily Life on Instagram. I don't know if Life's her surname or if she's just saying, this is my life. Just bought another horse. How do I tell my going to be disappointed parents? I'm 44.
• 52:56
  Speaker B: Well, you don't, you don't, you don't. I've got a horse that mine that is owned by a lady and her husband doesn't know that the horse exists and he's been around for a couple of years now.
• 53:08
  Speaker A: Oh, wow. Well, I know someone in Florida who only buys bays, so her husband can't tell if she's bought a new one.
• 53:20
  Speaker B: That is very clever. Very clever.
• 53:22
  Speaker A: I like that. Jo Hamilton. She just wants a hi. From Hawke's Bay, New Zealand. Hi.
• 53:28
  Speaker B: Oh, hi, Joan.
• 53:31
  Speaker A: Joe also says whips. Why do riders carry whips when there's no need to use it? Brackets. Good. So why bring it into the ring?
• 53:40
  Speaker B: Yeah. Do you know what? I've thought that myself before. Sometimes, I mean, sometimes it's useful to have them, like as a bit of a backup, like for, like you can put that on the horse's kind of shoulder to kind of encourage them to not drift one way or the other, maybe like that kind of thing. But it's a very good point.
• 54:04
  Speaker A: I have never. When I had Finn and we were actually competing and doing something useful, I have to say I've never used a stick on that horse ever. Absolutely ever. I wouldn't dare. He'd end my life. But when I went to go cross country competing, not schooling, I did carry my little short. Cause I've got very small hands. Small handled, short whip. And I think it was more of a security blanket, just as a. Do you Know what? We've got this just in case.
• 54:31
  Speaker B: Like, more like I. I tend to. When I go cross country, I always tie a knot of my reins, like at the buckle, and I have absolutely no idea why. It's just. It's just because I. Well, initially it's like for security thing, just in case something breaks or. Or make sure that the reins aren't too long or that. That kind of thing. But like, that's why I was kind of taught initially to do it. But now I don't really understand why I do it. It's just. It's just. It's habitual. Like I literally, I just do it and I almost do it without even thinking about it now.
• 55:04
  Speaker A: Yeah, it's like when I used to smoke, I used to turn the first cigarette I touched upside down and do a lucky fag. And now if someone ever asked me to open their cigarette, I think I would do it without even noticing. Just the lucky fag. Why? Why? All of them are going to give me cancer.
• 55:19
  Speaker B: Yeah, not so lucky.
• 55:23
  Speaker A: I like this pet peeve because I ask people for questions of pet peeves. Expat painted equine. Just send us your names. People. People who don't unwind around bail and just pull Halid from one side. Dot, dot, dot. Psychopaths.
• 55:43
  Speaker B: So you want to. You want to go round and round around it.
• 55:46
  Speaker A: Yeah, Unwind the whole thing. I have to say I kind of get that because then you can unwind the bales and you get a nice good.
• 55:51
  Speaker B: It becomes really like hard to pull
• 55:53
  Speaker A: it out eventually and it just becomes stuck. I agree with her. I agree.
• 55:57
  Speaker B: Yeah, I. I concur.
• 55:59
  Speaker A: MGT equestrian would love just a shout out. She just wants a shout out for herself. Herself first. Merry.
• 56:07
  Speaker B: Hey, MGT legend Merry spell.
• 56:11
  Speaker A: M E R R I merry do a short for something or she just is merry.
• 56:17
  Speaker B: Merry
• 56:19
  Speaker A: Mary.
• 56:20
  Speaker B: I quite like that.
• 56:22
  Speaker A: And her bestie, Lauren. And they apparently love the podcast.
• 56:25
  Speaker B: Thank you very much, Mary and Lauren. Thank you guys. Thanks so much for the support.
• 56:30
  Speaker A: Yes.
• 56:30
  Speaker B: In fact, thanks to all of you for the support because it's been incredible. We've been very lucky.
• 56:35
  Speaker A: We are very lucky. Pretty please, could Simon and Ben send me a pic of mini ponies with the real thing? I don't understand what that is.
• 56:46
  Speaker B: Oh yes, that's from Carrie, isn't it?
• 56:49
  Speaker A: It is. Oh, yes.
• 56:51
  Speaker B: Yeah. She. I actually messaged her last night because I've got a mini buster, but I. But. And she gave it to me at the tour. Yes, it was in Harry's car. And it's still in Harry's car, so I know, because I've not seen Harry, so I haven't managed to pick it up. So it's a good excuse to go and see Hazard. Anyway, so I'm gonna go and see Harry.
• 57:18
  Speaker A: It's a good excuse to go and see handsome Harry. Hey. Did you leave that there deliberately?
• 57:21
  Speaker B: Simon, I totally. Well, I mean. Well, obviously not, because I haven't been to see him. It's been weeks, hasn't it? Like, I haven't seen Harry for so long.
• 57:31
  Speaker A: Any excuse to see the lovely Harry. Someone has said. Oh, Carrie, actually, any top tips for dealing with the shitty weather and losing the will to live? Oh, I know.
• 57:43
  Speaker B: Just knowing that it is going to get better. It is going to get better. It's so frustrating though, isn't it? It's like, oh, that's rain again. And I can't complain because I've got an indoor school.
• 57:54
  Speaker A: You do have an indoor school?
• 57:55
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 57:57
  Speaker A: Amy. Amy. Fred. Cat. I don't know how to say this person's name, this. I'm a dyslexic person. Instagram handles are, like, the worst fucking thing in the world. Pet peeve. Having five gloves, but for some reason, four of them are the right gloves and only one is left.
• 58:15
  Speaker B: Yeah, I know that feeling. It's annoying.
• 58:18
  Speaker A: That is an absolute pain in the ass. Or when your gloves get wet, your leather ones, and then you go to put them on, you haven't dried them out properly and they just become crunchy.
• 58:27
  Speaker B: Yeah, I've never had that problem.
• 58:29
  Speaker A: What, crunchy?
• 58:30
  Speaker B: I've never had leather gloves.
• 58:32
  Speaker A: Oh, someone said here, eight paws, eight hooves, four feet. So I'm guessing she has two dogs, two horses and her or a child. It took you a while there, Simon.
• 58:45
  Speaker B: It did.
• 58:46
  Speaker A: Says, have the boys tried women's Lycra riding tights? And what undermere do you recommend?
• 58:53
  Speaker B: Absolutely not. I have not. And underwear wise, I really like Aussie bums.
• 59:02
  Speaker A: Excuse me? You like Aussies bums?
• 59:04
  Speaker B: Aussie bum. No, it's Aussie bum. You like Aussie bums underpants? Yeah, Aussie bum, Aussie bum underpants.
• 59:12
  Speaker A: Okay. I should definitely send you this Australian fireman Instagram thing.
• 59:16
  Speaker B: Well, actually, if you like the Aussie bum website for Aussie bum underpants. It's a great website. It is. It's really good. And they have very good underpants, which are very supportive.
• 59:30
  Speaker A: Excellent. You do need something to hold you down.
• 59:34
  Speaker B: Yeah, well, actually hold it up, to be fair. What? Yeah, hold them up.
• 59:38
  Speaker A: Hold what up?
• 59:39
  Speaker B: Not it up them up.
• 59:41
  Speaker A: Oh, they need holding up.
• 59:43
  Speaker B: Well, because.
• 59:44
  Speaker A: Are you particularly saggy?
• 59:47
  Speaker B: Well, I don't think so, but. But I like. So. So I've got a friend. I won't name names. I've got a friend who events and he says that he never wears underpants. He's all. He always goes commando. I. I just couldn't do that. I couldn't do that without having an accident like.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker A: Like hurting it.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker B: Accident, yeah, hurting myself. Accident, yeah.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker A: Okay.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker B: Like, there needs to be some forms of like, security or like, you know, support going on. Definitely.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker A: Do you, like, when you're on the saddle, like, tuck them to the. Tuck it to the side? Why is it.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker B: No, no, just squish it. They're just. They're just kind of up. I don't really know. I don't really know how. I try not to think about it. Especially for you, Jenny. Next time I'm riding, I'll think, where exactly is my willy lying? And then I'll. And then I'll ring you and let you know.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker A: Thank you very much. I'd appreciate that. While you're tiktoking.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker B: Yeah, Tiktoking. To the left, to the left.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker A: If you ever do that song on TikTok, I'll do it.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker B: Everything I own in a box. To the left, to the left.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker A: If anyone's still listening to this. Well done. Well done. You are the reason we still breathe. Oh, someone's asked something ethical now. I feel like we can't really go on to discipline after that. Let's find another one. Right. Oh, so the eight paws. Eight Whose eight feet says underwear question was for my husband. I'm not affiliated with silly prune. Poo in a jar. What?
• 1:01:27
  Speaker B: It wasn't poo in a jar, was it? It was have take a photo of her poo and send it to somebody.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker A: Oh, yes, because those weird people who ask for her poo pictures. Okay, if you could have a superpower, what superpower would it be?
• 1:01:42
  Speaker B: Oh, To be able to do stuff really fast.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker A: What? Yes. What, including ride?
• 1:01:54
  Speaker B: Yeah, you know, like. Like when people. Like when the superstar superhero, like, goes and does something really fast and then comes back and it's all done. I'd love to be able to do that. Like, I could do like the washing up in like split second. Or I can muck out in five minutes. Well, the whole yard in five minutes, if not less. That'd be great.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker A: But why don't you just have the superpower that you could just click and it's done. Like Mary Poppins Okay.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker B: Is that a superpower or is that just magic?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker A: Is that just Disney? Yeah, that's just magic.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker A: I always think like, I quite like to be able to fly,
• 1:02:34
  Speaker B: to be fair. Yeah, flying would be quite. But it just. It would just wear off though, wouldn't it? The kind of like novelty and everyone
• 1:02:39
  Speaker A: would want to lift. My kids would want me to carry them everywhere.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker B: Yeah, but to be fair, if you could fly, I'm pretty sure your kids would be able to fly too, wouldn't they?
• 1:02:47
  Speaker A: Hopefully, yeah. Yeah. Be hereditary. Is that the right word? Yes.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker B: I'd also love to be the superhero with the washboard abs and looking really hench.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker A: What do you mean you don't have washboard abs? Simon, don't disappoint me.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker B: No, I don't. Sadly not.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker A: Okay, one more. I quite like this person, obviously.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker B: I totally do.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker A: Yeah, you totally do. Your totes. Totes could be an Australian fireman holding a kitten.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker B: Exactly.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker A: With your willy in a box. Yeah. To the left, to the left, to the left.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker B: I think it does go to the left, to be fair.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker A: By the way, anyone who's wondering, this is basically like one of mine and Simon's phone calls. When we ring each other and we've got something to do, we're like, I've got to go now. Okay, just one more thing. Where do you. Where's your willy sit? This is why we're so busy. This person's pet peeve made me laugh because it's non horsey. People who look at their phones when you're in the cinema, nobody wants to see your bright screen. Fuck off.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker B: Well, we know where we stand.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker A: We do. And then she said about she doesn't like horsey negativity. Oh, her question though, how do you deal with aches and pains as you get older? Says the woman on the couch with the hurty shoulder and back after a ride.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker B: God, aches and pains. I mean, drugs are good, physio is good. Finding the right exercises to do, taking
• 1:04:20
  Speaker A: a magnesium is good for aches and pains.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker B: Oh, is that right?
• 1:04:25
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker B: I didn't want that. I didn't know.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker A: Gotta be the right type of anti.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker B: And keeping yourself mobile, keeping moving is definitely important.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker A: How can you just show me that movement again? That was very graceful. Look at you. Right, I've got to go wake my kids up.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah, you do, don't you?
• 1:04:41
  Speaker A: Yeah, I do. They've got to get to school in 45 minutes. I've got to be out the door and they're not even awake yet. So finally, what's annoyed you this week, Simon? Grieve with your. Your hair's almost curled up now into, like two horn like shapes. I know, it's extraordinary.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker B: I can't quite do it. There you go. Now I look like. Who was the lead singer of the Prodigy?
• 1:05:05
  Speaker A: Oh, Keith.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker B: He used to have horses with Lisa Green. Yeah, he was so cool, that man. He was so. And such a nice guy as well. Super talented. Just a little. Just a little bit spiky.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker A: Anyone listening to this on the podcast, Simon's hair now has become. Go for a haircut. You need a clip. Maybe Amanda could do it. It's not like she's raising two humans and running your yard for you.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker B: I don't know.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker A: Right, what's annoyed you this week before we go.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker B: So I taught somebody last week in a group session and I said, you know, oh, how can I help? What would you like me to do? As in, what is anything specific you want to do today? And she just said, well, mum just wanted me to have a lesson. And I was like, oh, okay. So clearly, like, making me feel really bad about myself. You clearly don't want to be here. And that kind of annoyed me.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker A: Okay, what. Let's. Let's dissect this. Simon, what annoyed you? I know what would annoy me from that. Was it because you're so famous now and everyone should be in your presence.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker B: Oh, God, no, no, no, no. Not incited. No, no, no. Like, it's. What annoyed me about it is just like, well, don't come then. Yeah, you know, there's no point in being here if you're. If you. If you think that I'm a waste of time, which is basically what you're
• 1:06:29
  Speaker A: saying by saying that I think as well, like, how spoiled are you? Like, for me, I don't care who it is, if I get to sit on a horse and have a lesson, you could be fucking an empty. Just the joy of being on a pony.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker B: It's one of those moments where I kind of want to pull them off the. Off the horse, pony, whatever it may be, and say, do you not realize how unbelievably lucky you are to be able to do this? Like, because we are. And I say to myself every day, especially if I'm having a little bit of a time, where I'm, like, feeling a bit not so good about it all. I'm like, you do realize how incredibly lucky you are to be able to ride these horses, Simon. Like, it's such a privilege and an honor to be Able to do it. And so you need to enjoy it and you need to make the most of it. Like to be.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker A: Did you want to slap that girl?
• 1:07:15
  Speaker B: Well, not, not that much at that point. A little bit. But then I. Then I went through the exercise. The first exercise we're gonna do, we're gonna do this. I'm gonna do it because of this and that and the other. And we're gonna do it in canter and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, right, what's your name? Off you go. You go and do it. And. And she was like, what we doing? And I was like, I've just explained in great detail what we're doing. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, you really don't want to be here. And I find that really hard. And then she started doing the exercise and I'm like, oh, I feel like I don't really want to help you. But then I did. And then. And then, to be fair, we actually had a really nice time in the end, so. So it was okay.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker A: I think so it sounded like a bit of teenage petulance.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker B: A little bit. A little bit, yeah.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker A: Yeah. Well, well done for getting through it and not slapping it.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker B: Well done for getting through it.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker A: You did really well. You tried really well. Well, what's annoying me this week? Oh, I rode my friend's rather large four year old the other day and fuck me, I'm not fit to ride. Like, you just. They just need that bit of effort and. Oh, just. I'm just so not fit like I was.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker B: Yeah, but they can, they can be really hard work, can't they?
• 1:08:34
  Speaker A: Oh, and he was a right it and just. Yeah, I'm just like, I'm not so. You know when you're like, people say the horse is doing all the work. No. And it's just annoying.
• 1:08:46
  Speaker B: Yeah. No, I think you'll find that I'm doing all the work right now.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker A: I think you'll find in this situation, I was working pretty bloody hard. Thank you.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker B: It would be easier for me to get off and lift its foot and make it walk by carrying it.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker A: It was one of those moments when you're like, why am I doing this? I could walk around this arena more effectively on my feet, on my actual feet. Why am I sat on a horse and just. I think you take for granted how fit you are when you're doing horses all the time. And then you suddenly go, oh, my jumpers are tight, my boobs hurt, I'm gonna hurt the next day. I'm so unfit I'm so unfit. I'm sweating like a cat in a fish shop. Right? I know, right? Poor me. First world problems, right? Simon Grieve, I love your face.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker B: Thanks. Love yours too. Have fun at school. And we miss Benji.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker A: We do miss Benjamin. Hope world gets better soon and lots of people asking questions. Are we doing another tour? We've got some exciting news that's going to break hopefully in the next few days of where you can come and see us at a very, very, very big event. Yay. I know. So please come, because I'm terrified that no one will turn up and we'll look like idiots. It's gonna be huge. It's gonna be very big. Very big news coming. Please like and share this podcast, please, please. Because the more of you like it and more people who listen, the more we can do another tour. So, yeah, get your asses in gear, people.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker B: Like and subscribe.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker A: Oh, sorry, what was that?
• 1:10:28
  Speaker B: Like and subscribe.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker A: I'm gonna, like, make that a gif or something. I don't know. I say that I'm 45. I have no idea what a gif is. Right. I love you. I don't bend you to sing us out or anything.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker B: Oh, sorry. I was talking to my dad the other day.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker A: Oh, okay. This is what happens when we're on the phone.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker B: We never get on the phone. But just very quickly, very quickly, I said. I said, oh, all right, dad. Okay, well, you take care. And he', well, what else am I going to do? And I said, oh, well, drive carefully. And he was like, what else am I going to do? Drive dangerously. I'm trying to be nice here.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker A: I was at a dinner party.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker B: Don't drive dangerously, then. See what happens then.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker A: I was at a dinner party and I was just not drinking, so feeling particularly angry and obnoxious. And someone said to me, oh, my God, Jenny, you're never gonna guess what happened. And I was like, well, there's absolutely no point playing this game then, is there, if I'm not gonna gu. And I just saw my friend's face just fall. I was like, oh, I really shat on their story, didn't I? Oh, no, they'll tell me. And he said, I don't tell you now.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker B: I'm like, oh, oops, you miserable cow.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker A: I was right. I'm there what's annoyed them this week. But I was just like, well, I really can't be asked. I played this guessing game. It's a fucking pointless way to start a conversation, isn't it? You're never gonna guess what happened. Well, what's the point of me trying? I'm never gonna guess it. Yeah. So anyway, Simon, take care. Drive casual.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker B: You take care. Drive dangerously.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker A: We should just change it. Go get fucking shitfaced. Have some fun. Go drive a car. No, don't drive a car. Oh, God, people will hear this.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker B: No, no, don't. Jesus. No, don't.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker A: Stay safe.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker B: Yeah, dad, definitely be like, what else am I gonna do?
• 1:12:29
  Speaker A: Have you ever tried to say to, well, dad, just shut up and ride?
• 1:12:33
  Speaker B: Yeah, dad, shut up and ride.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker A: Right. Love you. Love you all. Thanks for listening. Bye.