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Pontification of Deadlines and Urgency · I Hate Talking

• 0:29
  I Hate Talking: -- Welcome to episode 74 of I Hate -- Talking.
• 0:33
  I Hate Talking: Hi everyone.
• 0:33
  I Hate Talking: So, you have the word or phrase of this episode.
• 0:37
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 0:40
  I Hate Talking: The only word I can think of is pontificate.
• 0:43
  I Hate Talking: Pontificate.
• 0:44
  I Hate Talking: Well, we'll have to think very, very deeply about that word to come up with the definition, I suppose.
• 0:51
  I Hate Talking: It's a fun one to say though, right?
• 0:53
  I Hate Talking: Pontificate.
• 0:54
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, makes you sound knowledgeable about words.
• 0:58
  I Hate Talking: It's a big word for vocabulary, I suppose.
• 1:01
  I Hate Talking: I guess so.
• 1:02
  I Hate Talking: So teach us about it.
• 1:03
  I Hate Talking: So we'll look up the official definition and etymology in a moment, but I would sort of put it in the same thing that we've been talking about, I guess, maybe 4 or 5 episodes ago with just the person's ability to take some certain thought or problem and think deeply about it, and that would sort of be pontification.
• 1:27
  I Hate Talking: And I think it would be expressly for the purpose of arriving at a specific decision.
• 1:34
  I Hate Talking: So if you pontificate, you're going to not necessarily think about something to just know it better or to try to understand something, but specifically to arrive at a decision would be pontification.
• 1:50
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 1:50
  I Hate Talking: So you're saying it's not just thinking about something deeply, but it's coming to a conclusion.
• 1:57
  I Hate Talking: Yes, I think so.
• 2:00
  I Hate Talking: Not necessarily even a conclusion, a decision.
• 2:02
  I Hate Talking: Yes, because I think that you could be different.
• 2:05
  I Hate Talking: A conclusion could be that you have a particular thought and it is the right or wrong one.
• 2:11
  I Hate Talking: And that you are settled in your thought, but pontification is a specific decision making process.
• 2:19
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 2:20
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean, if I was going to use it in a sentence, I would use it similar, saying like, I'll need a pontificate on that.
• 2:27
  I Hate Talking: And I guess that's what you're saying is like, I'm thinking about it and making a decision.
• 2:32
  I Hate Talking: Are we on the right track then?
• 2:34
  I Hate Talking: What's the great dictionary say?
• 2:36
  I Hate Talking: Well, apparently we're not.
• 2:39
  I Hate Talking: Ah.
• 2:41
  I Hate Talking: I don't know why this word stuck in my head, but it's a good thing we are learning about it then.
• 2:46
  I Hate Talking: Yep, it is.
• 2:48
  I Hate Talking: Now, oftentimes our words are ones that are used more frequently over time.
• 2:54
  I Hate Talking: This is actually one that was used quite a bit in the 1800s and then has some usage through the 1800s and then dropped off by the 1900s and then is relatively flat through modern time.
• 3:06
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 3:06
  I Hate Talking: So according to our favorite Oxford language dictionary.
• 3:11
  I Hate Talking: Pontificate means to actually express one's opinions in a way considered annoyingly pompous or dogmatic.
• 3:18
  I Hate Talking: Ah, OK, that is actually pretty far off from what we were expecting.
• 3:22
  I Hate Talking: Yes, it has nothing to do with thought or decision making or anything.
• 3:27
  I Hate Talking: It's actually the expression.
• 3:28
  I Hate Talking: Of one's opinions and decisions.
• 3:32
  I Hate Talking: We would say like nowadays like you're a know it all or show off or obnoxious or like that those kind of terms.
• 3:40
  I Hate Talking: Yes, I suppose so.
• 3:41
  I Hate Talking: This is actually the outward expression of ideas in a way that is visible to other people, so it has nothing to do with some of the other terms.
• 3:50
  I Hate Talking: That we've talked about in previous episodes where that is more internal thinking processes.
• 3:55
  I Hate Talking: This is actually the expression of those opinions and especially in a way that is pompous or dogmatic.
• 4:02
  I Hate Talking: So is this negative then if you're gonna pontificate or someone said, Adam pontificates a lot, is that actually an insult or hurtful?
• 4:12
  I Hate Talking: It seems so because that's interesting though, because I've heard people refer to themselves as pontificating.
• 4:20
  I Hate Talking: So let me pontificate on this.
• 4:22
  I Hate Talking: That's actually sort of like a self-insult because it's not actually really a compliment or a good thing to do pontification then.
• 4:31
  I Hate Talking: So what they're really saying is, let me be obnoxious and pompous about this.
• 4:36
  I Hate Talking: Yes.
• 4:37
  I Hate Talking: Or dogmatic, but again, dogmatic, I think carries a lot of negative connotations in modern times.
• 4:45
  I Hate Talking: I, yeah, I agree.
• 4:47
  I Hate Talking: Interesting.
• 4:48
  I Hate Talking: I never would have thought it was a negative term.
• 4:51
  I Hate Talking: Now, I don't really consider it a negative term, but maybe now we will and maybe our listeners will as well.
• 4:57
  I Hate Talking: So if someone says that to us, we can be like, those are fighting words.
• 5:00
  I Hate Talking: When they, when they're confused, we can pontificate and explain to them.
• 5:05
  I Hate Talking: Yes, that's true.
• 5:07
  I Hate Talking: We can pontificate on the proper definition of pontificate.
• 5:11
  I Hate Talking: So there is a second definition which is specifically used in the Roman Catholic Church, where pontificate is another word for officiation or officiate as a bishop, especially at mass.
• 5:26
  I Hate Talking: So if a person that holds the office of bishop pontificates.
• 5:32
  I Hate Talking: At mass, that would be sort of the normal procedure for a church service by the Roman Catholic Church.
• 5:39
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 5:40
  I Hate Talking: And that's just like a role he plays or meaning like, in our culture, we would say like liturgy and that sort of thing.
• 5:47
  I Hate Talking: So that's just him.
• 5:48
  I Hate Talking: Pontificating?
• 5:50
  I Hate Talking: Yes.
• 5:50
  I Hate Talking: No, like him organizing the service, is that what you're saying?
• 5:55
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, it does seem to have more of organization and sort of that liturgy thing that you mentioned because some of the example sentences here is that the bishop pontificated at 3 Christmas masses or that used as a noun, the Pope enjoyed only a 10 week pontificate.
• 6:15
  I Hate Talking: Hm.
• 6:16
  I Hate Talking: So it actually can be used in a noun in that particular way.
• 6:21
  I Hate Talking: Weird.
• 6:21
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 6:22
  I Hate Talking: And now tell us what the words mean, because there's definite separation in the words pontiff, ate.
• 6:28
  I Hate Talking: Like there's a break when you say syllable.
• 6:31
  I Hate Talking: Yes.
• 6:32
  I Hate Talking: I suppose so, but these actually, as we get into the etymology, only came from a single Latin word.
• 6:39
  I Hate Talking: Pont effects, and that then later became used as pontificatti and then Pontificate in the late Middle English.
• 6:49
  I Hate Talking: So, there is no merging of words here, that is the literal original Latin term came from one single word.
• 6:58
  I Hate Talking: Interesting.
• 6:59
  I Hate Talking: Well, I'm very glad that you asked me to come up with a word, and the only thing I could think of was pontificate.
• 7:06
  I Hate Talking: So I think that's very appropriate if I'm gonna Pontificate this.
• 7:10
  I Hate Talking: Wait, how would you use in a sentence now cause I'm confused.
• 7:14
  I Hate Talking: So I think the way that most people use it in modern English is as a verb or some participle, not as a noun.
• 7:22
  I Hate Talking: I think the noun is gonna be only for the Roman Catholic Church usage.
• 7:26
  I Hate Talking: So you are going to pontificate or you pontificated or you're pontificating or you're participating in pontification.
• 7:35
  I Hate Talking: -- Pont -- is that a word or are you just making that up?
• 7:38
  I Hate Talking: Pontification?
• 7:39
  I Hate Talking: I mean it works, so I'll believe you.
• 7:41
  I Hate Talking: I think so, yeah, pontification.
• 7:44
  I Hate Talking: That is the act of pontificating, OK.
• 7:47
  I Hate Talking: So are you saying that we pontificate on this podcast?
• 7:52
  I Hate Talking: I hope not.
• 7:53
  I Hate Talking: I don't want to be pompous.
• 7:55
  I Hate Talking: Up until this point in this episode, I would have thought that we were pontificating and that was actually sort of a good thing.
• 8:02
  I Hate Talking: But maybe now I've learned something myself and now we can see this particular word in more of the realistic and negative connotations.
• 8:13
  I Hate Talking: Well, see, that's why we're doing this.
• 8:14
  I Hate Talking: Now we're learning.
• 8:15
  I Hate Talking: We are learning.
• 8:17
  I Hate Talking: So, very well done with our word or phrase of the episode, Pontificate.
• 8:23
  I Hate Talking: And yes, I think learned quite a bit about the actual definition, as well as some interesting things about the etymology that that was one singular word and really has not changed all that much in the history and usage of that particular word.
• 8:39
  I Hate Talking: OK, interesting.
• 8:40
  I Hate Talking: I can't help myself though.
• 8:43
  I Hate Talking: What are we going to pontificate about on this episode?
• 8:46
  I Hate Talking: We said, save it for the pod.
• 8:49
  I Hate Talking: We were going to talk about the difference in seeing the full scope of what needs to be done and acting accordingly versus only seeing a minuscule part of what needs to be done in order to engender urgency for the people that have to do things.
• 9:08
  I Hate Talking: I think you're pontificating your opinion -- about -- which one of those is the way I describe that is a little bit biased.
• 9:17
  I Hate Talking: It's very biased.
• 9:18
  I Hate Talking: I know which way you think is better.
• 9:21
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, OK, yeah, that's what we said, we're like, we got started getting into it while I was cooking dinner, and we're like, saving for the pod, we'll talk about it there.
• 9:30
  I Hate Talking: So, you love to have a timeline.
• 9:34
  I Hate Talking: This will even go back in our marriage, not even work-related, uh, often, like, say you get home from work, I want to spend time with you, like catching up or holding hands or cuddling or anything, make that connection, like physical connection and emotional connection, but you can't until the chores are done.
• 9:56
  I Hate Talking: And then you rest, where I want to rest and then do the work.
• 10:01
  I Hate Talking: And so I think this plays into it where we had an issue come up.
• 10:07
  I Hate Talking: And you are confused at why other people don't have a sense of urgency, but the deadline is like 4 months away.
• 10:15
  I Hate Talking: That's how they knew that most people are gonna wait.
• 10:18
  I Hate Talking: They have 4 months, there is no urgency, they're gonna do it when it's convenient, or they're gonna forget about it and do it at the very end.
• 10:27
  I Hate Talking: And that bothered you extremely, right?
• 10:30
  I Hate Talking: Is that fair to say?
• 10:31
  I Hate Talking: It did bother me.
• 10:32
  I Hate Talking: I wouldn't say extremely, but are you pontificating again?
• 10:37
  I Hate Talking: No, I it did bother me, yes.
• 10:40
  I Hate Talking: And I think there's maybe even two different topics there with the resting versus working and the urgency versus Just sitting on your laurels, so to speak, and that's probably two different topics.
• 10:59
  I Hate Talking: Though they are interrelated.
• 11:02
  I Hate Talking: Well, I know for myself, if I have an entire day and I have one thing to do, it takes me the whole day to do it.
• 11:10
  I Hate Talking: No, I would take the exact opposite approach.
• 11:13
  I Hate Talking: I would be like, if I only have one thing to do, I'm going to get it done as the very first thing and then I don't have to worry about it.
• 11:17
  I Hate Talking: No, and then if I have a million things to do, I am so much more productive because I have to be.
• 11:25
  I Hate Talking: But if I only have one thing in a minute, enjoy myself and take my time.
• 11:29
  I Hate Talking: I think this did get me into trouble in school and maybe even a little bit at work because if there's quote unquote like extra time, I will just work ahead and like get extra things done.
• 11:43
  I Hate Talking: And then you do like, then you have extra work to do because they're going to give you more work.
• 11:49
  I Hate Talking: Well, I did do 3 senior projects in college, so finished 1.
• 11:54
  I Hate Talking: I was like, what am I going to do?
• 11:55
  I Hate Talking: I guess I'll do another one.
• 11:56
  I Hate Talking: And then I finished that one and I said to myself, what am I going to do?
• 11:59
  I Hate Talking: I guess I'll do another one.
• 12:00
  I Hate Talking: So I, I did 3 senior projects in college.
• 12:03
  I Hate Talking: I could have only done one, I guess, because that was all that was required.
• 12:07
  I Hate Talking: I mean, I love that about you, but also, do you think that long term that helped you?
• 12:11
  I Hate Talking: Yes, I do, because I think I got my very first job because of my particular quote unquote extracurricular activities and having that project experience did set me apart from other candidates.
• 12:24
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 12:25
  I Hate Talking: I mean, that's fair to say.
• 12:26
  I Hate Talking: I feel like I've always prided myself when I pontificate on myself is that I'm using it.
• 12:32
  I Hate Talking: I like to work the system.
• 12:33
  I Hate Talking: So, I look at what needs to be done for Like, yeah, again, if we're talking about college, in high school, I remember looking and the I only had one college I wanted to go to.
• 12:45
  I Hate Talking: I didn't even apply to any other college.
• 12:48
  I Hate Talking: And I knew what their criteria to get in was, and the criteria for the scholarships as eligible for, and I did that and stopped.
• 12:58
  I Hate Talking: So my senior year, -- I went home at -- noon work during high school at a college course level and I got into colleges that I didn't even apply to.
• 13:09
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, because I did college work at this college and they were like, Oh, you're doing pretty good.
• 13:14
  I Hate Talking: So you want to come here?
• 13:15
  I Hate Talking: And they accepted me preemptively before I had even applied, -- which -- is amazing and that's so cool, but you still didn't go there.
• 13:23
  I Hate Talking: I only wanted to go to this college.
• 13:25
  I Hate Talking: So if someone had offered me, I mean, maybe, I don't like say even Harvard or Yale, I don't think I'd even go there if they had offered.
• 13:34
  I Hate Talking: Because I was so adamant that this is where I was gonna go.
• 13:38
  I Hate Talking: So I don't know.
• 13:38
  I Hate Talking: I think it depends.
• 13:39
  I Hate Talking: And then also in school, I was the person that broke the curve.
• 13:43
  I Hate Talking: So everyone hated you.
• 13:46
  I Hate Talking: Not everybody.
• 13:47
  I Hate Talking: There are other people that broke the curve and it was sort of almost like a competition on like who could break the curve the most.
• 13:53
  I Hate Talking: And so there was like maybe 2 or 3 other people that would do the same thing and like try to achieve like super high scores and see who could break the curve the worst.
• 14:07
  I Hate Talking: I wonder if that's, uh, y'all tell us if that is a major or emphasis determined.
• 14:15
  I Hate Talking: Like different majors are going to behave differently within college courses, right, because I feel like a stereotype.
• 14:21
  I Hate Talking: Well, this is a good example because it was a group of engineers that were trying to break the math majors curve.
• 14:28
  I Hate Talking: Well, that's OK.
• 14:29
  I Hate Talking: See, that's what I'm saying.
• 14:30
  I Hate Talking: Like I feel like that would be stereotypical that I'd expect.
• 14:35
  I Hate Talking: My major, we were very much advised, I mean, academics mattered, but we were advised by our professors that it mattered more that you had boots on the ground, life experience for my major.
• 14:50
  I Hate Talking: So we did it, and I mean, I wasn't summa cumlata.
• 14:52
  I Hate Talking: I was the next one technically, but they said they'd rather you get a B.
• 14:57
  I Hate Talking: And have a ton of experience and straight A's with no experience.
• 15:01
  I Hate Talking: So, if somebody, and there were once in a while, obnoxious people that would do above and beyond and mess up the curve, and we did not like them.
• 15:11
  I Hate Talking: -- And I personally -- were these people in the same major or people that were taking classes as like part of their major that weren't?
• 15:19
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, they were like jumping in, this wasn't their major.
• 15:23
  I Hate Talking: Was it elective or was still required?
• 15:24
  I Hate Talking: For them it was probably elective.
• 15:27
  I Hate Talking: I can't think of a single person that I had those feelings for that it was their major.
• 15:31
  I Hate Talking: See, but I had to take math courses and all the engineers had to take math courses as well.
• 15:36
  I Hate Talking: Our engineering department did emphasize projects and that was part of the reason that I had senior projects and different internships and everything like that, but we also had to take math courses as part of our Major requirements.
• 15:52
  I Hate Talking: -- So -- did you do this to hurt the math people or to prove yourselves better?
• 15:56
  I Hate Talking: It was not necessarily to hurt people.
• 15:59
  I Hate Talking: No, there was not necessarily any vindictive motivation.
• 16:04
  I Hate Talking: It was more of the competition to see who could like score the best and break the curve the most amongst the engineers against the maths, there is like a rivalry between engineers and math magicians.
• 16:18
  I Hate Talking: Yes, there was a bit of one.
• 16:21
  I Hate Talking: Yes.
• 16:22
  I Hate Talking: Are you offended if I were to tell someone you're a mathematician?
• 16:25
  I Hate Talking: Is that offensive -- or just not -- accurate?
• 16:28
  I Hate Talking: Still be very proud of being titled mathematician, but not nearly as much as engineer or like physicist, which I'm not, but if that was my title, that would be in the hierarchy of things above math.
• 16:46
  I Hate Talking: Sorry to all our math listeners out there.
• 16:48
  I Hate Talking: Yes, if you're listening, sorry, because the reason I ask is I've used that term for you before.
• 16:55
  I Hate Talking: Two of our kids are very gifted in math.
• 16:58
  I Hate Talking: And so, it's obvious when they're doing their schooling, people that test them or whatnot.
• 17:05
  I Hate Talking: And if they bring it up, I kind of just like, oh yeah, their dad's a mathematician, or their dad's into math.
• 17:11
  I Hate Talking: And I kind of use it that way, and then it makes sense.
• 17:14
  I Hate Talking: I didn't know if that was offensive, or if that's not even an accurate term.
• 17:17
  I Hate Talking: I am perfectly fine with saying that I'm into math or good at math, but actual title, mathematician.
• 17:26
  I Hate Talking: No, -- I would rather -- claim is a mathematician.
• 17:29
  I Hate Talking: We're getting two words now.
• 17:30
  I Hate Talking: Is there a specific criteria to be a mathematician?
• 17:35
  I Hate Talking: There is, they have to be proficient at math and usually higher math.
• 17:41
  I Hate Talking: There's a meme that was circulating even back in my college days.
• 17:45
  I Hate Talking: I think of it and see if I can find it.
• 17:47
  I Hate Talking: But it's basically like there's a fire in a building and the mathematician solves the equation and knows that there's a fire extinguisher, and that's good enough.
• 18:00
  I Hate Talking: And like the physicist knows that there's a fire extinguisher and is able to explain how the handle has to be pressed and then the gas would be released and then the engineer is actually the one that grabs the fire extinguisher.
• 18:15
  I Hate Talking: And pulls the pin, aims the thing, squeezes the handle, and sprays the fire out.
• 18:20
  I Hate Talking: OK, I mean, I can see how, yeah, there's a different hierarchy there from your vantage point would you differently.
• 18:25
  I Hate Talking: Yes, I agree too.
• 18:27
  I Hate Talking: I mean, from my vantage point, I agree with you.
• 18:29
  I Hate Talking: I'm sure that there's others that don't, because that's why they do their way, which is what we were saying earlier, right?
• 18:36
  I Hate Talking: I understanding that the way we do something makes sense to us, but as a whole, as a group of people, It doesn't always make sense or isn't always the way it's done.
• 18:49
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 18:51
  I Hate Talking: So to put it simply, in this current example in our lives.
• 18:55
  I Hate Talking: That I will try to do things as fast as possible, as completely as possible, even though the deadline is 4 months away.
• 19:03
  I Hate Talking: Where apparently, I guess that is not the majority consensus on how things work.
• 19:09
  I Hate Talking: Oh, you have 4 months.
• 19:10
  I Hate Talking: OK, from my perspective, even in our situation, is we're really busy right now.
• 19:16
  I Hate Talking: I feel like August and September, this year for us are exceptionally busy.
• 19:21
  I Hate Talking: So, I leaned towards waiting till October when things die down a bunch, but you're like, we gotta do this, we gotta do it now.
• 19:29
  I Hate Talking: And I'm like, uh, like, in October, we're going to be able to catch our breath more.
• 19:34
  I Hate Talking: So why are we plowing ahead and killing ourselves right now to get this done?
• 19:39
  I Hate Talking: I suppose so, but it's getting done, and then and then it will be done and then we have nothing more to do.
• 19:46
  I Hate Talking: But do you think you're gonna want to keep going and perfecting it even more?
• 19:50
  I Hate Talking: I feel like you will.
• 19:51
  I Hate Talking: If I have the capacity to do so, I suppose.
• 19:54
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I'll do like a, to put it in terms of colleges 2nd and 3rd senior project.
• 19:59
  I Hate Talking: Right, that's like, we only need to do one senior project, so.
• 20:04
  I Hate Talking: But then, but then you can't be the best of the best.
• 20:07
  I Hate Talking: Sometimes it's good to be the best of the best, sometimes it's good just uh.
• 20:11
  I Hate Talking: Be with your family That's true.
• 20:14
  I Hate Talking: I mean, part of this activity that we're doing is with family though.
• 20:18
  I Hate Talking: It's true.
• 20:19
  I Hate Talking: Not everyone likes doing it.
• 20:21
  I Hate Talking: Well, maybe they should learn that they should do things at the very start and do it well.
• 20:28
  I Hate Talking: Get it over with, get it over with and be successful and be proficient and accomplish things.
• 20:35
  I Hate Talking: I guess, but I think one of the things we were chatting about.
• 20:38
  I Hate Talking: Because if it comes to the point, later in 4 months, people might not have the opportunity to do this particular thing.
• 20:45
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 20:46
  I Hate Talking: I mean, we might break the curve for them.
• 20:48
  I Hate Talking: That's, that's not good overall.
• 20:53
  I Hate Talking: It's good for us personally, but not as a whole.
• 20:57
  I Hate Talking: Perhaps, but it's good for the organization in general, maybe.
• 21:01
  I Hate Talking: I think it is.
• 21:03
  I Hate Talking: But I think that was one thing we were chatting about was I suggesting to you to make arbitrary deadlines.
• 21:10
  I Hate Talking: Because that sets a sense of urgency and kind of puts it in people's, like the front of their minds versus just, this is your task, get it done in the next 4 months.
• 21:24
  I Hate Talking: But if you're told you have got 3 weeks, I think people are gonna be much more urgent in their actions.
• 21:32
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 21:34
  I Hate Talking: It is an adjustment for me because perhaps I make my own arbitrary deadlines and other people do not.
• 21:40
  I Hate Talking: So having to create them for them seems like something I shouldn't have to do and also almost feels deceptive because like we know everything that needs to be done in a certain time frame that it needs to be done and by creating these quote unquote arbitrary deadlines by which things that don't actually have to be done and communicating that they have to be done by a certain point in time.
• 22:06
  I Hate Talking: Feels a little bit deceptive to me.
• 22:08
  I Hate Talking: OK, that's interesting.
• 22:10
  I Hate Talking: Tell me more about that, because could you justify saying yes, these are arbitrary deadlines, but this weighs on you more than most people because you are supervising this.
• 22:21
  I Hate Talking: So you want them to get it done so that you don't have obligation and the weight on you.
• 22:27
  I Hate Talking: It's true.
• 22:29
  I Hate Talking: I still think that when push comes to shove, that I would prioritize transparency above arbitration.
• 22:39
  I Hate Talking: Would you think that people would, if they found out that you made this arbitrary deadline, they'd trust you less?
• 22:47
  I Hate Talking: Perhaps because I feel like in past experiences with similar things.
• 22:54
  I Hate Talking: There have been arbitrary deadlines and I found out about them after the fact, and I don't appreciate that.
• 23:00
  I Hate Talking: I would have rather known ahead of time and plan accordingly and acted accordingly.
• 23:06
  I Hate Talking: Because now in my personal execution of things, I have an additional task and deadline that could have been accomplished earlier, but because you didn't tell me about it, now I have to do extra things later when it could have been done earlier.
• 23:26
  I Hate Talking: So you're feeling the weight of like, I could have prioritized something else, I prioritized this, and it was not necessary.
• 23:37
  I Hate Talking: Correct.
• 23:38
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean, for intents and purposes, they were not transparent and then therefore, I may have prioritized the wrong things or done things in an inefficient manner.
• 23:50
  I Hate Talking: And if I had seen the big picture, I could have done things faster, better, and with more efficiency.
• 23:57
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 23:58
  I Hate Talking: I mean, I do hear that, and I want to like understand that and validate it.
• 24:04
  I Hate Talking: I'm thinking that it's kind of the same thing.
• 24:07
  I Hate Talking: I'm like, we need to catch our breath.
• 24:08
  I Hate Talking: We're so busy.
• 24:10
  I Hate Talking: And they're like, no, we got to get it done.
• 24:12
  I Hate Talking: We're still prioritizing something that doesn't need to be a priority.
• 24:17
  I Hate Talking: So is this about us or the other people?
• 24:21
  I Hate Talking: I don't know.
• 24:24
  I Hate Talking: I guess both.
• 24:25
  I Hate Talking: But when we were talking earlier and it started to get heated, I was like, let's save it.
• 24:30
  I Hate Talking: Let's talk about this later, was about other people.
• 24:33
  I Hate Talking: But I think, I see both points.
• 24:35
  I Hate Talking: I think I was in a kind way, I hope in a kind way, trying to tell you that the reason you're in the position you are, is because you're very on top of things, very organized, very, you prioritize things.
• 24:48
  I Hate Talking: That's why you have your position.
• 24:50
  I Hate Talking: Right, and other people because they don't have these quote unquote arbitrary deadlines are not doing anything.
• 24:56
  I Hate Talking: So therefore, I am taking it upon myself to do things because other people are not doing things because they don't feel motivated as I do.
• 25:04
  I Hate Talking: Right, they're probably prioritizing something else.
• 25:08
  I Hate Talking: We don't know what's in their lives.
• 25:10
  I Hate Talking: They could have a lot of work or other obligations, you know, so we see from our perspective, I'm just saying that they could have a whole bunch more that we don't know about.
• 25:20
  I Hate Talking: And are not prioritizing this, even though it is a priority for you.
• 25:25
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 25:27
  I Hate Talking: So we don't know everything that's going on in their lives, but your hypothesis and pontification is that perhaps they don't have other things going on in their lives and that the reason that they're not doing anything is because they don't have an arbitrary deadline.
• 25:43
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean, OK, I don't like the word pontificate.
• 25:48
  I Hate Talking: Half an hour ago, I would have been like, yes, that's what I think.
• 25:51
  I Hate Talking: I, that's what I pontificate.
• 25:52
  I Hate Talking: Now I'm like, oh, don't, don't say that to me.
• 25:55
  I Hate Talking: But yes, I agree.
• 25:59
  I Hate Talking: I think that's what I think.
• 26:01
  I Hate Talking: I know that's how I think often when I do not have a strict deadline, it takes me a lot longer to get something done.
• 26:11
  I Hate Talking: And it's like, again, that meme or bumper sticker or anything like that you see where it says, your lack of planning is not an emergency for me, saying that you didn't plan well and now you're causing an emergency for me.
• 26:29
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, that's my exact point is that I am planning super well and giving people 4 months so that they don't have any emergencies.
• 26:36
  I Hate Talking: But there's a reason that's a bumper sticker.
• 26:38
  I Hate Talking: -- It's a reason -- because people only act if there's emergencies.
• 26:41
  I Hate Talking: Yeah.
• 26:41
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think so.
• 26:44
  I Hate Talking: Earlier, even though I was like, Google it, I bet there's statistics.
• 26:47
  I Hate Talking: -- So did -- you?
• 26:48
  I Hate Talking: I did not.
• 26:49
  I Hate Talking: I didn't even know how to ask the question.
• 26:51
  I Hate Talking: Yes, I guess we'll have to ask that question.
• 26:53
  I Hate Talking: Maybe you, our listeners can weigh in on this and tell us if.
• 26:58
  I Hate Talking: It is intrinsically motivating if you see the big picture as I do, or if you have quote unquote arbitrary deadlines.
• 27:07
  I Hate Talking: Again, my bias is coming out in this, so perhaps you can tell what the difference is in what the different categories might be, but I want to justify you and say, I do think your way is proper and best practices.
• 27:26
  I Hate Talking: I don't think it's what society does.
• 27:29
  I Hate Talking: And it like call back to years ago, we had a very different event that you, again, you were in charge of, and you gave people, do you remember this?
• 27:39
  I Hate Talking: You gave people like a 2 month notice and somebody responded with, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, but if I'm free, I'll come.
• 27:49
  I Hate Talking: You were like, that's why I, I gave you 2 weeks, months to remember this to like mark it on your calendar and make this a priority.
• 27:59
  I Hate Talking: But 2 months in advance, even though it sounds good, oh, mark it on the calendar, this is a priority, unless it's like a wedding or some big event like that.
• 28:09
  I Hate Talking: Most people don't.
• 28:11
  I Hate Talking: And then it's whatever is most convenient, the best opportunity kind of thing comes up.
• 28:18
  I Hate Talking: And I understand, I was frustrated too when I saw that.
• 28:21
  I Hate Talking: And I was like, what?
• 28:23
  I Hate Talking: But I think that's the general society concept we have.
• 28:28
  I Hate Talking: I guess because it does surprise most people when I tell them that we're already planning things for June of 2026.
• 28:37
  I Hate Talking: So we're booked, we're booked.
• 28:39
  I Hate Talking: Y'all don't plan anything with us until probably October of 2026.
• 28:44
  I Hate Talking: No, I think probably July has some things on it.
• 28:48
  I Hate Talking: August is probably not really planned yet.
• 28:51
  I Hate Talking: August of 2026.
• 28:53
  I Hate Talking: Yeah.
• 28:54
  I Hate Talking: So, we're, we're 12 months out at this point.
• 28:58
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, y'all tell us cause I'm so curious.
• 29:00
  I Hate Talking: I don't think that's true though, of most people.
• 29:03
  I Hate Talking: I do not think that your typical American society plans out 12 months in advance.
• 29:12
  I Hate Talking: And not just like big events, yes, like, you're getting married, so we're gonna plan that.
• 29:17
  I Hate Talking: But this is like weekends, key events were booked.
• 29:23
  I Hate Talking: Yes, specific dates with specific times.
• 29:26
  I Hate Talking: 12 months from now.
• 29:28
  I Hate Talking: We had an event.
• 29:29
  I Hate Talking: I, I guess this shows that we were just too, too overbooked cause we had an event yesterday, and 2 weeks ago somebody started planning it, and they gave two dates.
• 29:40
  I Hate Talking: Everybody was good with both dates, and we were the only ones that were like, we can only do this one.
• 29:45
  I Hate Talking: And so we did that one.
• 29:46
  I Hate Talking: We did that one.
• 29:47
  I Hate Talking: There was other people that preferred they had a, yes, that's true.
• 29:52
  I Hate Talking: But we were the only ones that said we will only be one.
• 29:54
  I Hate Talking: -- This is the only one we -- can do.
• 29:56
  I Hate Talking: And I do think that says something about us that's not a good thing.
• 29:59
  I Hate Talking: That's probably something we should pontificate and change in our lives.
• 30:03
  I Hate Talking: Well, as we learn, pontificate is, yeah, I feel like we're pretty pompous and dogmatic that we were the only ones that had won 8 only.
• 30:14
  I Hate Talking: He eats out You don't agree.
• 30:18
  I Hate Talking: You don't agree though.
• 30:19
  I Hate Talking: OK, y'all, you have to let us know because I would definitely set as a planner before we got married.
• 30:28
  I Hate Talking: -- I like planning -- things.
• 30:30
  I Hate Talking: And then he met me.
• 30:31
  I Hate Talking: -- And -- then I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm willy-nilly all the time.
• 30:35
  I Hate Talking: So it is interesting that out of my social circles and family, I was the biggest planner.
• 30:42
  I Hate Talking: And now it looks like I just fly by the seat of my pants, compared to you and your family.
• 30:48
  I Hate Talking: I suppose so.
• 30:50
  I Hate Talking: I, I think there has to be a middle ground though, and I really love your heart on not wanting to be deceptive with arbitrary plans.
• 30:58
  I Hate Talking: Could be worth it and not saying like the deadline is such and such date.
• 31:02
  I Hate Talking: Cause that's deceptive.
• 31:04
  I Hate Talking: What if we said we would like our goal is to have this done by such and such state.
• 31:11
  I Hate Talking: Because that is a goal, right?
• 31:13
  I Hate Talking: Would that make you feel better?
• 31:15
  I Hate Talking: Would that count at all?
• 31:16
  I Hate Talking: Or is that still, still too deceptive?
• 31:19
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you desire something to be done ahead of schedule.
• 31:26
  I Hate Talking: So, could that be something we moving forward saying to them, when there's not a sense of urgency saying our desire, our goal is to get this done by this date.
• 31:37
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, that's perfectly fine.
• 31:39
  I Hate Talking: I think from the truthfulness aspect of things.
• 31:43
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 31:44
  I Hate Talking: I don't know if it engenders the sense of urgency that you are thinking will be created by these arbitrary deadlines, -- but maybe it -- will.
• 31:52
  I Hate Talking: I, I, it would for me, but I'm also, we've already established so many times in the past that I'm a big people pleaser.
• 31:59
  I Hate Talking: So if I hear, my goal is.
• 32:02
  I Hate Talking: I'm gonna work so hard for that goal, because I want that person to be happy and reach their goal.
• 32:09
  I Hate Talking: So maybe it's the law of thirds.
• 32:12
  I Hate Talking: There's a 1/3 of people that will do things as fast as possible.
• 32:17
  I Hate Talking: There's 1/3 of people that will do things when there is some sort of goal presented, and then there's 1/3 of people that will do things at the very last minute, no matter what.
• 32:27
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think that's fair enough because there are, and I do agree with you.
• 32:31
  I Hate Talking: There are some people like that like some due that day at 8 a.m.
• 32:36
  I Hate Talking: And it's like 6 a.m.
• 32:38
  I Hate Talking: and they're typing away.
• 32:40
  I Hate Talking: It's like, yo, or then they'd wait and ask for an extension.
• 32:44
  I Hate Talking: So, I do sympathize with you there.
• 32:46
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, the more I reflect on it, maybe it's not the law of thirds.
• 32:50
  I Hate Talking: Maybe it's more of Pareto.
• 32:53
  I Hate Talking: What's that mean?
• 32:54
  I Hate Talking: Well, we'll find out next time.
• 32:55
  I Hate Talking: Here we go.
• 32:57
  I Hate Talking: So we've done a lot of pontification.
• 33:00
  I Hate Talking: If you, I hope not.
• 33:02
  I Hate Talking: Oh, maybe we haven't.
• 33:03
  I Hate Talking: Or maybe our listeners think we have.
• 33:06
  I Hate Talking: Well, nonetheless, whether we did or not or whether you think we did or not, let us know let us know, like, share, subscribe or not.
• 33:17
  I Hate Talking: I mean, we haven't really gotten much feedback at all, so I'd welcome anything at this point in time.
• 33:21
  I Hate Talking: I don't know.
• 33:22
  I Hate Talking: I don't like mean people.
• 33:24
  I Hate Talking: Well, we'll just turn off comments from your.
• 33:27
  I Hate Talking: I won't look.
• 33:29
  I Hate Talking: I just don't look and we'll see for our next episode.
• 33:30
  I Hate Talking: I want to know about that.
• 33:30
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 33:30
  I Hate Talking: All right, so I guess we made up for our shorter episode last time and we'll see where we end up for duration in episode 75.
• 33:46
  I Hate Talking: So good.
• 33:46
  I Hate Talking: So from your friends at I hate talking until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.