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How Long should you stay no contact with a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how long should you stay no contact with your narcissistic
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  partner or parent? Whoever it is in your life
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  y'all? That's what we're talking about
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  today. How long should you cease
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  contacting this person? How long should you cut off
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  access to you from or by this person?
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  This narcissistic toxic ass person that has bought you so
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  much pain, strife, emotional trauma, physical trauma.
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  How long should you do it? Y'all?
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  That's what we're talking about today.
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  Y'all That's the top. That's today's topic on a
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  narcissist code. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnose narcissist myself
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  and I give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist, how
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  a narcissist thinks, and what a narcissist will do sometimes,
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  right? But yes, no contact is exactly
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  what it sounds like. If you don't know what no
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  contact is, it's exactly what it sounds like.
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  It means no contact. It means we are not talking
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  anymore. It means no access.
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  I think people think that no contact just means ignoring a
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  person. Like no I'm no I'm no contact
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  but I I get texted emails and I haven't blocked them.
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  No contact is shutting the door, closing the windows up.
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  No contact is going no contact. Pretty much y'all is like going
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  into a safe room with no entrances and no exits, right?
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  There's no other way to get into this safe room other than you
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  allowing them into your safe room, other than you allowing
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  them into your space. That's what no contact is.
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  That's what no contact really is, y'all.
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  And that's why I just tell so many people in these situations
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  that like no contact is meant to protect you.
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  It's meant to keep you safe physically, emotionally,
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  mentally, all the others, the verbally, right, spiritually,
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  all the other stuff is meant to protect you and keep you safe.
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  This really it Now? How long should you do it?
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  As long as it takes, right? As long as it takes to heal.
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  Like most times. Let's keep it real y'all.
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  Most times when you're going no contact with a narcissist, it's
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  supposed to be permanent. No contact is supposed to be a
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  permanent solution. No contact is supposed to be
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  this is it Like this is it. This is it.
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  There is no we, we, this, This last time I'm talking to you,
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  This last e-mail that I send to you, this last text that I send,
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  whatever it is, right? Whatever it is, this is supposed
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  to be it. There's nothing after this.
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  There's no future contact after this ever.
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  That's why you have before you go no contact that that's why
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  it's so important that you understand this.
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  That's why it's so important that you understand the
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  necessity that is going no contact for good.
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  Like damn, I got. I need to go no contact forever.
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  Yes, you do. You do need to go no contact
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  forever. Like you do need to cut off
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  contact with this person probably forever because drum
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  roll it helps you heal. No contact is like you got to
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  build up a muscle, y'all. It's like doing going to the
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  gym, doing curls right, I'm going to the gym, I'm doing
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  curls like the first day I do curls, I might not have nothing
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  here. Like there's nothing popping up.
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  There's nothing here the first day I have no contact is going
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  to hurt. It's going to suck for no
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  results. Damn near right.
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  But over time, the more we do, the more we got a little we got
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  a little egg right here. We get that no contact muscle
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  you something that you have to build it up over time.
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  It's not a quick fix. No contact is a concerted
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  effort. It takes effort and energy.
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  I know when people hear the word no contact, they think it's
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  automatically just like it's nothingness, like it takes no
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  effort, no energy just to block and just stop talking to
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  somebody. It's this it it's so easy.
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  No, no contact is going to have to it's going to take a toll.
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  You have to pay, damn it. You have to pay the toll to go
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  no contact, right? The emotional toll, the mental
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  toll, the toll toll, right? It's going to hurt, it's going
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  to suck because most times the person that you're going no
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  contact with, you've had a loan, like you had some semblance of a
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  future with, you've had some semblance of longevity with this
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  person. It could be your parent, the
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  person who raised you, maybe they abuse you or not, but it's
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  still your parent, right? So you're thinking about that
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  like I might not ever talk to my Mama again.
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  This might be the last time I talked to my dad.
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  It's like them, they're, they're passing away, right?
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  It's damn near like this person is gone for good.
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  Like there's, there's nothing else you're going to hear from
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  this person. This person is pretty much
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  unalived. You know what I mean?
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  This person is pretty much gone and that's going to suck to
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  hear. That's going to suck to deal
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  with as a human being when you are no longer talking to your
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  mom or dad, husband, wife, fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend,
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  partner, whoever it is, best friend, right?
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  Your BFF, your bestie of 25 years that was banging your
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  husband behind your back. It's time to go.
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  No contact and go, right, Your bestie that was sleeping with
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  your wife, your homeboy that was sleeping with your wife for
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  years behind your back, your kids, not yours, right?
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  That might be going somewhere else.
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  But you see what I'm saying? That's the type of stuff you
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  have to prepare for. They're going to be a, there's
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  going to be a plethora of emotions that you experience in
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  this situation. So you need to be prepared to go
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  no contact forever. That's one of those things.
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  Now, is no contact always going to be a permanent solution?
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  No, let's be real. It should be most times.
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  But being realistic is not always going to be a permanent
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  solution because no contact, you might be no contact for 5-10
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  years and you feel like you've healed enough.
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  So you might reach out to your mom.
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  You might try to reach out to your dad with some new bound
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  with boundaries and a new found strength.
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  You might go to a therapist. Your therapist says, hey, look,
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  you've been no contact long enough.
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  If you're ready, you're ready. Your therapist might tell you to
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  talk to somebody, tell you your therapist might encourage you to
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  rekindle those relationships because you miss them or because
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  you're hurting going no contact, right?
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  So, but you have newfound boundaries or you have
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  unanswered questions or whatever the case may be, right?
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  I'm not telling you to break no contact, but I've heard people
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  tell me before in the past, they're therapist.
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  They've been I've been no contact with my mom for five
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  years and my therapist it's been affecting me greatly is I sucks
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  every day. I miss my mom.
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  She was my best friend until I realized that she was abusive
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  and narcissistic and I had to cut her off And I've been no
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  contact for years that she keeps sending me gifts to my house and
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  keeps messaging keeps emailing my kids whatever the case may be
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  like I've been no contact She she keeps creating fake numbers.
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  My mom has been harassing me pretty much like my therapist
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  told me. If I'm ready, I could break no
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  contact to tell. Either tell them to leave me
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  alone or to reach out with new boundaries and whatnot.
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  If they don't respect my boundaries, I can go no contact
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  again. Because now I know the truth.
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  Now I know that I'm not. Now I know the fact that I'm the
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  fact that I've been questioning myself for years.
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  I've been right to go no contact because this person doesn't
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  respect my boundaries. And she broke no contact with
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  her mom and she this has been years ago.
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  I haven't talked to in a while, but she ended up breaking no
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  contact with her mom and talking to her for a little bit.
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  And I, I haven't know, she's like, she just told me she did
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  it, but I don't know how it actually went after that.
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  She actually broke no contact. And I don't know if it went bad
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  or good. She just, you know, it was at
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  the kind of the end of the call. But the one-on-one Zoom we did,
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  but she said I brought no contact and I talked to my mom
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  for a little bit and I don't even know what to say about it.
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  So maybe your mom is still the same person.
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  Maybe she wasn't, I don't know. But she ended up breaking no
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  contact. So in that situation right
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  there, it had no contact, lasted for five years.
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  Sometimes no contact might be broken because of the law,
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  right? Legally, you have kids with this
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  person, you're trying to go no contact with your toxic
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  ex-husband or ex-wife or whatever, right?
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  And because you have kids together, it can be very
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  difficult to navigate that landscape because now you have
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  to talk to the person sometimes unless you have a, unless you
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  have a qualified third party or somebody like that, or you might
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  have talked via a parenting app. You say you've been no contact,
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  able to have a third party pick and pick up and drop off the
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  kids right through the kid exchanges.
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  So you haven't had to talk to the person.
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  But now they, they took you to court and the court ordered you
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  to use a parenting app to communicate with them because
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  the third party wasn't working. You see, they that went on for a
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  few months or whatever the case may be, and then they had to
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  break no contact because the court ordered parenting app.
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  So no contact is not always going to be forever and I feel
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  like, but if you're dealing with an abusive, manipulative,
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  horrible, evil ass person, then you have to set the goal for no
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  contact to be forever. That's me.
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  That's that's what I this is my thoughts right here.
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  If it's your mom, dad or somebody and they just were
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  refusing to hear your side, if anything refuses and take
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  accountability for anything that they've put you through,
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  refusing to hear your side or the story, refusing to hear you
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  out at all, then yeah, yeah, it might absolutely be time to go
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  no contact for good. You should absolutely set the
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  goal to go no contact for good. It should be that way.
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  Let's keep you hot. Let's keep it real and I know
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  everybody. Some people get afraid of the
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  permanence like lay damn forever yes, y'all forever.
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  You might not ever talk to this person again.
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  So before you make the decision to go no contact, make sure that
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  you have all the questions that you need answered answered.
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  Even if they never going to get an answer.
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  I'm not telling you to reach out to them to ask it to to to get
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  these answers because they probably would never give them
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  to you. I'm telling you internally that
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  you have to be OK with not getting the answers to some of
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  these questions right. I have a course.
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  It's about finding your why. It's about healing for
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  narcissistic abuse. And one of the main thing that
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  you need to heal in order to move forward is being OK with
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  not getting the answer to every single question.
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  Being OK with not, you said being OK with things like that
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  going down and not happening, right?
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  Being OK with not ever seeing this person again.
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  Being OK without ever hearing this person's voice again.
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  It's called finding your why. You can find on my website
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  mentalillness.net but that's literally how it goes.
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  So many people are battling this.
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  You have to set the goal for what benefits you most.
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  It takes as long as it takes. No contact is not meant to
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  punish the other person. There's so many people out there
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  that just like Lee, I don't want.
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  I'm not trying to punish my narcissistic partner.
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  I know you're not. What I'm saying is you have to
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  be OK releasing yourself, right? We have to be OK Is not
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  punishment. Is is not punishment.
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  It's preservation. You're preserving yourself.
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  You're saving yourself. You're protecting yourself.
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  You know, all those words stalled with AP, but the, the,
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  the punishment thing you're not doing, you're not trying to
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  punish them. You're just protecting yourself.
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  You're just guarding your own mental health.
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  You're just guarding your own physical health.
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  You're doing this stuff for your own well-being.
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  And that's the most important part that people need to
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  realize. You're doing this to protect
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  yourself and to preserve yourself.
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  You're not doing this to punish that person.
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  That is not that. That doesn't have to exist
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  together in the same space. These two things do not have to
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  exist together. I promise you so many people are
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  going to be battling this orally.
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  I don't want to punish them. You're not punishing them.
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  You're protecting yourself. So going no contact, it takes as
• 11:09
  long as it takes y'all seriously anyway, y'all, I hope this video
• 11:13
  butchers in peace. I hope it butchers some clarity.
• 11:15
  If it did hit that subscribe button.
• 11:18
  Leave a like get a comment like leave a comment y'all Let me
• 11:21
  also let me know what you say about the new editing, the new
• 11:24
  editing of the videos. I like it.
• 11:26
  I like the new editing video. Shout out to my editor Tom.
• 11:29
  Appreciate you man. Anyways y'all hit the subscribe
• 11:32
  button. You haven't already.
• 11:33
  Mental illness.net for all things Lee Hammock and I'm out.
• 11:36
  Peace.