Latest / Two Broke Chicks / Inexpensive Ways To Prioritise Joy ft. Laura Henshaw

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Inexpensive Ways To Prioritise Joy ft. Laura Henshaw · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast was recorded on wrundery Land Always was, always
0:05
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm
0:15
Speaker 1: out and this is two broad chicks to show that
0:17
Speaker 1: shares life lessons and tips to help make you rich
0:20
Speaker 1: in life. And oh my god, we're so excited trying
0:23
Speaker 1: not to think it will be cool sell because today
0:27
Speaker 1: we are joined by kick co founder and absolute icon Laura.
0:30
Speaker 2: Henshaw and icon.
0:32
Speaker 3: Wow.
0:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that is very generous.
0:35
Speaker 4: I don't know about that, but now I'm so excited
0:37
Speaker 4: to do.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're so excited to have you on because
0:40
Speaker 1: we're going to be covering a few things today, but
0:42
Speaker 1: we want to talk about how to have a more
0:44
Speaker 1: positive attitude and outlook on life, and we feel like
0:48
Speaker 1: you're the perfect person to have on to have this conversation.
0:51
Speaker 1: But before we get into the juicy stuff, we like
0:53
Speaker 1: to start with a life lesson of the week. So,
0:56
Speaker 1: as our guest of honor, would you like to kick
0:57
Speaker 1: us off?
0:58
Speaker 2: Yes?
0:59
Speaker 4: Now, I can I reveal that you're coming on the
1:01
Speaker 4: kickpot of course?
1:03
Speaker 1: Yes?
1:03
Speaker 4: Okay, amazing and guys, everyone's about obviously you love the girls.
1:08
Speaker 2: We love the girls.
1:09
Speaker 4: It was such a good chat, so I am going
1:11
Speaker 4: to take a life lesson from the podcast, if that
1:15
Speaker 4: is okay'll be coming out soon, and that is it's
1:18
Speaker 4: a bit of a sneak peak of what we learned,
1:21
Speaker 4: and that is to not make assumptions, which I feel
1:25
Speaker 4: like applies to friendships. Like so it might be reaching
1:28
Speaker 4: out to someone that you want to make the first
1:30
Speaker 4: move with and be friends with, or it could be anything,
1:33
Speaker 4: could be like with hard.
1:34
Speaker 2: Conversations at work, just with yourself.
1:37
Speaker 4: I think so often we assume, and this is something
1:40
Speaker 4: that I've had to work through.
1:41
Speaker 2: Quite a lot in the past year.
1:44
Speaker 4: I don't think you realize how many assumptions you make
1:47
Speaker 4: until you have to see yourself in the mirror and
1:49
Speaker 4: actually think about Hang on, what am I assuming here?
1:52
Speaker 4: And it's if you've never thought about it before. Obviously
1:56
Speaker 4: everyone's different, but it is likely you will be making
1:58
Speaker 4: a lot of them, and they will be controlling a
2:00
Speaker 4: lot of the.
2:01
Speaker 2: Way that you live your life.
2:02
Speaker 4: But I mean, an assumption isn't true since you're assuming
2:05
Speaker 4: how someone react or what will happen if you say
2:07
Speaker 4: what you want out loud, or whatever it might be.
2:10
Speaker 4: And so it has been a very very letting go
2:12
Speaker 4: of that and trying, and it's really hard. Sometimes they'll
2:16
Speaker 4: creep back in, but not making assumptions is honestly life changing,
2:19
Speaker 4: and so I love that. We it also applies to
2:21
Speaker 4: making new friends.
2:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like a form of overthinking. Yeah that It's
2:28
Speaker 3: like we're saying, oh, well, what if this and what
2:29
Speaker 3: if that? And they think this will happen when it's.
2:31
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, it's okay.
2:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, you stress yourself out before it even begins.
2:36
Speaker 5: I love that.
2:37
Speaker 1: What's yours out?
2:38
Speaker 3: Okay?
2:38
Speaker 5: Mine is a tweet that I saw.
2:41
Speaker 3: It was from with Love Soleet and it said, once
2:45
Speaker 3: you get good at saying that's just not going to
2:47
Speaker 3: work for me, you take so much of your power back.
2:51
Speaker 3: And I was like, I fucking love that because I
2:55
Speaker 3: think we really really struggle, probably on the same tangent
2:58
Speaker 3: to set boundaries, and we as women are often you know,
3:03
Speaker 3: villainized for doing that or will be called a bitch
3:06
Speaker 3: or a bossy or whatever it is when we do
3:09
Speaker 3: set boundaries, especially with work, And I think being able
3:12
Speaker 3: to get good at saying that's just not gonna work
3:15
Speaker 3: for me is such a fucking boss move.
3:17
Speaker 1: That's such a sleigh in like them, it is good
3:22
Speaker 1: you can't respond to that.
3:22
Speaker 3: You just have to be like, okay, yeah, So next
3:25
Speaker 3: time I'm hungover and you're like, do you want to
3:27
Speaker 3: go to the gym, I'm gonna.
3:28
Speaker 4: Say it's just.
3:30
Speaker 2: Damn it.
3:30
Speaker 4: She's too powerful.
3:33
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, my life lesson of the week is not
3:36
Speaker 1: as inspiring as either of yours, but it's still really important.
3:41
Speaker 1: I think because I saw that. Apple announced a bunch
3:45
Speaker 1: of new developments today, including the introduction of the Genmoji
3:50
Speaker 1: I saw, which is a new AI feature for emojis,
3:55
Speaker 1: so you'll be able to type in to their new
3:58
Speaker 1: AI tool and cutstomize your own emojis, which is a
4:03
Speaker 1: very exciting day.
4:05
Speaker 5: You're just going to put a cowboy hat on everyone.
4:07
Speaker 3: And every single thing.
4:08
Speaker 1: It's going to be the best I love. Also, maybe
4:10
Speaker 1: a cowboy boot. See, there's some emojis that we've really.
4:13
Speaker 2: Needed for using. But what's the cat? What are you
4:15
Speaker 2: using it for? She just really likes the cowboy aesthetics.
4:19
Speaker 4: Yeah, the vibe, so you put it like so someone's like, hey,
4:23
Speaker 4: I don't even I can't even think.
4:24
Speaker 5: She'd be like, let's go out tonight.
4:27
Speaker 2: Yeah that is cool?
4:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, or like if you're really upset by something, but
4:33
Speaker 1: you still want to make it like silly goofy mood.
4:36
Speaker 1: It's like the crying face.
4:37
Speaker 3: But my feeling cowboy crying partner that was Darren is
4:43
Speaker 3: the dude this thing exactly.
4:47
Speaker 1: So the future is here and I'm excited. All right,
4:50
Speaker 1: shall we get into the juicy meat of the episode.
4:52
Speaker 5: Let's start us off.
4:57
Speaker 3: So you are probably one of the most positive people
5:01
Speaker 3: on the Internet that we've ever seen, and we really
5:04
Speaker 3: look up to you and I think it's incredible, like
5:06
Speaker 3: all the positivity that you put out. And obviously people
5:10
Speaker 3: are multifaceted, but I really want to start with asking like,
5:15
Speaker 3: how have you worked, because it would be work on
5:17
Speaker 3: becoming such a positive person.
5:20
Speaker 4: Firstly, thank you. That is incredibly generous of you to
5:22
Speaker 4: say that means a lot. Thank you very much. Oh.
5:26
Speaker 4: I think for me, I am personally very affected by
5:31
Speaker 4: people's energy and it's.
5:32
Speaker 2: Something I've actually had to work through.
5:34
Speaker 4: Like we'll do a talk to two hundred people and
5:37
Speaker 4: I'll notice one person that's like on their phone and
5:39
Speaker 4: who again coming back to assumptions, they could be like
5:42
Speaker 4: telling their partner went to pick them up, or like,
5:44
Speaker 4: you know, their mum being like looking after their kid
5:46
Speaker 4: and them being like, oh, the bottles in the cupboard,
5:48
Speaker 4: you know it could be that, But I can't not
5:51
Speaker 4: absorb their entire soul, and then it makes it's so
5:56
Speaker 4: and then I really struggle because then I'm like holding
5:58
Speaker 4: this naka which I don't. I'm working through like how
6:01
Speaker 4: to not fully transport their entire soul into me and
6:04
Speaker 4: the energy. But because I think I struggle with that
6:07
Speaker 4: so much, I am so conscious of And this is
6:09
Speaker 4: not for anyone to think that's in my presence that
6:11
Speaker 4: the energy be positive all the time.
6:12
Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
6:13
Speaker 4: It's just how I feel people's energy, so I feel
6:16
Speaker 4: I think because of that, I felt that.
6:18
Speaker 2: I want to bring positive energy in.
6:21
Speaker 4: Because of how much it affects me when people don't.
6:25
Speaker 4: And I can say it is a privilege to choose
6:27
Speaker 4: to be happy. There are a lot of and you
6:29
Speaker 4: can't be happy all the time, absolutely not, or choose
6:31
Speaker 4: to be positive. A look at things in a positive mindset.
6:33
Speaker 4: There are a lot of people in the world, billions
6:37
Speaker 4: of people who work three jobs and their life is
6:42
Speaker 4: at three jobs and things. You know that there's do
6:44
Speaker 4: you know the people that like things? Bad things just
6:46
Speaker 4: keep happening and happening and happening and a life. It's
6:49
Speaker 4: really fucking hard, and so I completely understand how for
6:53
Speaker 4: that person to be like, you know, manifest or think
6:56
Speaker 4: things will be good and that you're safe. It's like, well,
6:58
Speaker 4: that's really really hard. But I think for me in
7:01
Speaker 4: my life, I have been privileged to be able to
7:04
Speaker 4: choose joy, or choose happiness, or choose a positive mindset
7:08
Speaker 4: in a lot of elements. And I think it's like
7:12
Speaker 4: in running kick for example, there's so many times when
7:14
Speaker 4: things have been really difficult, or just being on social media,
7:18
Speaker 4: know where the trolls might come in or whatever it
7:20
Speaker 4: might be, like you can choose every day, Like this morning,
7:23
Speaker 4: for example, I was working up really early, but it's
7:25
Speaker 4: very windy in Melbourne today.
7:26
Speaker 2: We're just talking about it's a.
7:27
Speaker 4: Technic and we've just moved house, so we're in a
7:30
Speaker 4: rental and the trees are like banging. It sounds like
7:33
Speaker 4: someone is opening a gate, but it's actually the tree
7:36
Speaker 4: on the window. I really don't know how that works
7:38
Speaker 4: from a physics perspective. Anyway, I could have got up,
7:41
Speaker 4: I had a shit sleep, got up and I had
7:44
Speaker 4: planned to go to the gym, but then my husband
7:47
Speaker 4: is away for work, so I had to do some
7:50
Speaker 4: things that he He was like, oh, can you put
7:52
Speaker 4: this here? If someone was a trady was coming today,
7:54
Speaker 4: so I to sort something out. So I ended up
7:55
Speaker 4: getting to the gym twenty minutes later than I was
7:58
Speaker 4: meant to. First of all, I could have just not
7:59
Speaker 4: gone because I was like, oh, it's cold, it's windy, whatever,
8:02
Speaker 4: I'm tired.
8:03
Speaker 2: I had a bad sleep.
8:04
Speaker 4: But then I got there twenty minutes later, and I
8:06
Speaker 4: have to finish my gym session at a certain time
8:08
Speaker 4: to be able to get to work on time. I
8:09
Speaker 4: only had like thirty five minutes instead of normally an hour,
8:13
Speaker 4: so my session was cut in half. So I could
8:14
Speaker 4: have been so pissed off at Dalton because he made
8:17
Speaker 4: me do something that like I really like for the house, Yeah,
8:20
Speaker 4: and I should do anyway, but and been pissed off
8:23
Speaker 4: at the day like I didn't got hi I wanted.
8:25
Speaker 4: I didn't get to finish my session properly, or I
8:27
Speaker 4: could have been grateful for the time that I got
8:30
Speaker 4: to spend at the gym, even though it was shorter
8:33
Speaker 4: than what I had planned and it didn't meet the
8:35
Speaker 4: expectation I.
8:36
Speaker 2: Had for it. And let that set up my day.
8:39
Speaker 4: So then I can go through the day and thinking like,
8:41
Speaker 4: h everything shit today. You know, I've had a shit
8:43
Speaker 4: work out, didn't get to do that.
8:45
Speaker 2: Then I've got was.
8:46
Speaker 4: Back to back the whole day. Or I could go
8:49
Speaker 4: in and say, I got to move my body today,
8:51
Speaker 4: and yes, it wasn't exactly what I thought, but like,
8:53
Speaker 4: I still had a great gym session. I said, you know,
8:55
Speaker 4: thirty five minutes in there and that was awesome. Then
8:57
Speaker 4: I get to go and you know, do multiple podcasts
8:59
Speaker 4: recording today, which is I'm so lucky to be able
9:02
Speaker 4: to do that, right, And I get to be working
9:04
Speaker 4: in a company where where you know, the mission is
9:07
Speaker 4: so tied to my personal values and helping people and
9:09
Speaker 4: it's my life's work, right. But it's so crazy how
9:12
Speaker 4: quickly and for so many people, Like I know, I
9:14
Speaker 4: know a lot of people listening might not run their
9:16
Speaker 4: own company per se. You might you know, might be
9:19
Speaker 4: in a job that you're not finding a lot of
9:21
Speaker 4: joy in and that's completely normal for a lot of people.
9:24
Speaker 4: But I think it's it's just thinking about all of it.
9:27
Speaker 4: We take so many things for granted and it might
9:30
Speaker 4: not be that, you know, you're doing super because we can't,
9:33
Speaker 4: like not everyone works for a purpose led organization, but
9:35
Speaker 4: even if you don't work for purpose led organizations, like,
9:37
Speaker 4: how do you find purpose within the work that you're
9:40
Speaker 4: doing and find moments of joy within it? And in
9:45
Speaker 4: most instances we can, it's just how we frame it.
9:50
Speaker 4: Like we might have a really shit week and time
9:51
Speaker 4: as we have that, it's like then you have a choice.
9:53
Speaker 4: Especially if you have a shit day, you have a choice.
9:56
Speaker 4: You can carry that feeling into the next day, into
9:58
Speaker 4: the week, into the month, have a ship year, probably
10:01
Speaker 4: carry it into the next year. You know everything, and
10:03
Speaker 4: and sit in this resentment and anger. But what you
10:08
Speaker 4: then what I've learned to like when I've been in that, like,
10:10
Speaker 4: especially when you're in deep resentment type mind.
10:13
Speaker 5: It can be hard to pull yourself.
10:14
Speaker 4: It's so hard to put yourself out of it. But
10:16
Speaker 4: it's also it's a choice often to be especially with
10:20
Speaker 4: resentment and just being angry at people and things that
10:24
Speaker 4: makes you, like I actually believe it makes you physically ill,
10:27
Speaker 4: like like a lot of like there's so many twings exactly, yeah,
10:31
Speaker 4: I thought exactly, And it's but it is like things
10:36
Speaker 4: the way that our body like the mind gut connection
10:39
Speaker 4: is very I'm definitely not an expert in it, but
10:41
Speaker 4: I do really believe in it. And so if you
10:44
Speaker 4: sit in this this thing of life, everything's hard, like
10:46
Speaker 4: I'm angry and basically cut half empty mindset, it's very hard.
10:52
Speaker 2: To get out of it.
10:53
Speaker 4: And also usually then even on the times that maybe
10:56
Speaker 4: you would have found joying things, it's very hard to
10:58
Speaker 4: because you're always looking at it like it sucks, right, yeah, yeah,
11:01
Speaker 4: so it's like what but we always we have hard
11:03
Speaker 4: days and that and shit days, and you can't always
11:05
Speaker 4: you Definitely, I cannot be positive every single day. So
11:07
Speaker 4: I don't expect that of myself from.
11:09
Speaker 2: No one should. But I think it's knowing.
11:11
Speaker 4: For me, it's that I always think of the sun
11:13
Speaker 4: will set and then rise again, and every time that happens,
11:16
Speaker 4: it's an opportunity to reframe. It's a new day, that's
11:19
Speaker 4: like today did not go my way. So I have
11:21
Speaker 4: a choice. I can think the whole week and right
11:24
Speaker 4: off the year, really because then it just keeps like
11:26
Speaker 4: no no belong yeah, Or I can choose to wake
11:29
Speaker 4: up tomorrow with a different mindset, and even though I
11:34
Speaker 4: might have adversity during that day or whatever it might be.
11:38
Speaker 4: I've got a mindset that I'm much more equipped with, Like,
11:42
Speaker 4: you're so much better equip when you're thinking about things
11:44
Speaker 4: in a positive way because things don't get to you.
11:45
Speaker 4: You're even like I find, especially like in my role
11:48
Speaker 4: at Kick as a leader, I if I come to
11:53
Speaker 4: work stressed overwhelmed, you bring that.
11:56
Speaker 5: Into your team, especially as a leader in the team.
11:59
Speaker 3: I can imagine that a lot of the responsibility to
12:02
Speaker 3: continue a positive atmosphere in a positive workplace.
12:04
Speaker 5: It does start, like at the top leaders say the
12:07
Speaker 5: cutural feeling.
12:08
Speaker 4: And definitely if someone comes in and they're a leader
12:10
Speaker 4: and they're stress stress, I'm going to now I'm going
12:14
Speaker 4: to be worried or whatever it might be. And so
12:16
Speaker 4: it's that's really really important. But I think it's then
12:19
Speaker 4: if you go into a conversation you know that might
12:21
Speaker 4: be uncomfortable or you have to talk through. And this
12:23
Speaker 4: is again something plugging the podcast We're So Good, we
12:27
Speaker 4: spoke about this too, But it's you go into that
12:30
Speaker 4: and you've got your guard up because everything is hard,
12:32
Speaker 4: and it's I'm going to win and you're going to
12:34
Speaker 4: lose or you're going to Look there's twinners and losers mindset, right,
12:37
Speaker 4: but that's not what life is, and that the I
12:39
Speaker 4: find is like within leadership, my biggest learning has been
12:43
Speaker 4: going into every single room. It's not with the win
12:45
Speaker 4: lose mindset, it's that everybody wins mindset. And you will
12:49
Speaker 4: find then your solution orientated because you're not focusing on
12:52
Speaker 4: the problem, You're focusing on how to solve it, and
12:55
Speaker 4: you're able to look forward instead of just being stuck.
12:58
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that's such a good point, especially on
13:01
Speaker 3: you know, choosing to look at things with a positive mindset,
13:04
Speaker 3: and it's looking at it and being like, Okay, what
13:07
Speaker 3: did I enjoy? What like that sucked and allowing that
13:11
Speaker 3: thing to suck whatever it was, and being like, but
13:14
Speaker 3: I'm going to choose to be happy about this, like
13:15
Speaker 3: even if you had a terrible day, being really like
13:18
Speaker 3: if I have a really bad day, when I get
13:19
Speaker 3: home and I get to like order take away and
13:23
Speaker 3: watch like my favorite show and just be in like
13:26
Speaker 3: my space that I love so much, I'm like, I
13:28
Speaker 3: love this.
13:29
Speaker 5: At least I get this, And I think that's really important.
13:31
Speaker 3: But we also wanted to ask you about the overviews
13:35
Speaker 3: of your day.
13:36
Speaker 1: Yes, so on your stories, you often share your overviews
13:41
Speaker 1: of the day, and I feel like we've got a
13:42
Speaker 1: sneak peek of it even just now, because it is
13:45
Speaker 1: often jam packed. So how do you make time to
13:50
Speaker 1: juggle stress and everything that you've got on your plate,
13:53
Speaker 1: but then also make time to appreciate the good things
13:57
Speaker 1: and make time to appreciate the joyful things happen in
14:00
Speaker 1: your day.
14:01
Speaker 2: Very good question.
14:03
Speaker 4: I think it's something that for me, I know, I
14:06
Speaker 4: function best when I am busy and doing, and for me,
14:11
Speaker 4: like a big part of feeling fulfilled is within my work.
14:15
Speaker 4: But I think when you have a day that's sjam packed,
14:17
Speaker 4: it's so easy to be like, oh, I just wish
14:19
Speaker 4: I could, you know, do nothing or whatever it might be,
14:21
Speaker 4: or I didn't have this much stuff on. But then
14:23
Speaker 4: I think it's coming back to like I'm it's just
14:25
Speaker 4: reframing it, like I'm grateful that my day is full
14:29
Speaker 4: of things that I get to do that challenge me
14:32
Speaker 4: and help me grow and help me evolve.
14:34
Speaker 2: As a person.
14:35
Speaker 4: So I was listening to a podcast recently and I'm
14:37
Speaker 4: very I'm apologizing because I.
14:38
Speaker 2: Can't quote where this was. It could have been an audiobook.
14:42
Speaker 4: But it was a boat.
14:44
Speaker 5: You're not claiming it as yours.
14:46
Speaker 2: It's definitely. It's definitely a basi of research.
14:48
Speaker 4: And I did this bace of research on people who
14:50
Speaker 4: were stress and the impact of stress on your health.
14:54
Speaker 4: And they studied three groups, and it was people that
14:57
Speaker 4: were they perceived their life as stressful, that they were stressed,
15:03
Speaker 4: and they perceived their life as stressful. They were stressed,
15:07
Speaker 4: but they didn't they looked at the stress in a
15:10
Speaker 4: positive way. And then the other group was people that
15:14
Speaker 4: didn't have stress in their life. They didn't feel stressed
15:16
Speaker 4: and they weren't stressed.
15:17
Speaker 6: I would like to meet they're all kids.
15:29
Speaker 2: It's so true.
15:30
Speaker 4: What was very interesting was the house and the like
15:33
Speaker 4: how long the people lived. The difference between the group
15:37
Speaker 4: that perceived the stress is negative versus the group that
15:40
Speaker 4: did not perceive the stress is negative was completely different.
15:45
Speaker 4: And so the perception of stress is very important. And
15:48
Speaker 4: it's the same thing with it. It all comes down
15:50
Speaker 4: to mindset. If you go into your day and you're like,
15:53
Speaker 4: I have a busy day, I'm stressed, I'm stressed. It's hard,
15:56
Speaker 4: but it's overwhelming, blah blah, that's how you're going to
15:58
Speaker 4: show up to the entire day.
15:59
Speaker 2: That's how you're going to be in the entire day.
16:01
Speaker 4: Or if you can say, Okay, I have a very
16:03
Speaker 4: busy day today, but I've got things within there, Like
16:06
Speaker 4: it might be five minutes. Like honestly, going and doing
16:08
Speaker 4: a five minute breathing meditation is guided meditation where there's
16:13
Speaker 4: one on kick that I do, it's like four minutes,
16:15
Speaker 4: and it can make the biggest difference in your day.
16:19
Speaker 4: And I think what I tell myself, Like, I think
16:21
Speaker 4: if I look back to my eighteen year old self
16:23
Speaker 4: and I was like told myself what I'd be doing now.
16:27
Speaker 4: If you look at how far you have come and
16:30
Speaker 4: what you have, it doesn't matter what your job is
16:32
Speaker 4: or what you're doing, but what you might be, how
16:35
Speaker 4: you make people feel, or how you show up in
16:37
Speaker 4: your day. There's so many things that we can be
16:39
Speaker 4: so proud of ourselves for. But I think when we
16:42
Speaker 4: look at our like now today self first add out
16:45
Speaker 4: today like again in the mirror, we're so hard. But
16:48
Speaker 4: if we went back and we asked our younger self
16:50
Speaker 4: like or we told our youngestelf what we're doing, we'd
16:52
Speaker 4: be so proud and so grateful to be doing all
16:55
Speaker 4: of those things. I think we often want what we
16:57
Speaker 4: can't have, etc. So I think for me, it's it's
17:00
Speaker 4: just in that mindset framing of how do I perceive stress?
17:03
Speaker 4: And sometimes there are in situations where there are certain
17:06
Speaker 4: things that trigger me that I really struggle to manage
17:08
Speaker 4: my stress, but I'm trying to work through them because
17:12
Speaker 4: I know then, like I in my role, I will
17:15
Speaker 4: have it.
17:16
Speaker 2: I will have it.
17:17
Speaker 4: What comes with it is having a lot of shit
17:19
Speaker 4: on my plane, because like that's just a part of
17:20
Speaker 4: the gig, and I've accepted that. I'm not fighting it.
17:24
Speaker 4: I'm not like, oh, I want to have no meetings
17:26
Speaker 4: and I want to you know, not have a busy day.
17:29
Speaker 4: It's like no, no, this is what comes with the role.
17:31
Speaker 4: I've accepted that, and that's really freeing because then you're
17:35
Speaker 4: not fighting against it. It's like this is what it is.
17:38
Speaker 4: How can I make this, like mold this in a
17:40
Speaker 4: way that's going to work for me and I'm going
17:42
Speaker 4: to enjoy and change my mindset around it.
17:44
Speaker 3: And sometimes that's like the stress talking as well, like
17:46
Speaker 3: when you're being like oh, all these meetings blah blah blah,
17:49
Speaker 3: whereas like if five years ago it's like that saying,
17:52
Speaker 3: and it's like like when you're constantly looking forward, you're
17:56
Speaker 3: not realizing that you're in the moment that five years
17:58
Speaker 3: ago you would have been really excited and just like
18:01
Speaker 3: having that moment of what you were saying. And I know,
18:03
Speaker 3: gratitude is a key word that you know, it gets
18:06
Speaker 3: talked about a lot that I think people have maybe
18:08
Speaker 3: become a bit desensitized to it, that they think it's
18:10
Speaker 3: a bit airy fairy or a bit fluffy, but it's
18:12
Speaker 3: really not. And it really is like a key thing,
18:14
Speaker 3: whatever word you want to call it. If it's just
18:16
Speaker 3: living in the moment, having appreciation, gratitude, just being proud
18:20
Speaker 3: of yourself in general is the thing that is really
18:23
Speaker 3: going to be the tool to learn how to do to.
18:25
Speaker 5: Get you through the day.
18:27
Speaker 3: And obviously, as you've just said, like your role and
18:30
Speaker 3: your job is so incredible, but it would be really
18:32
Speaker 3: stressful and there would be moments that work has to
18:36
Speaker 3: come before your own happiness sometimes and I'd love to
18:39
Speaker 3: know how you juggle that internal conflict and if there
18:42
Speaker 3: are certain hard boundaries that you put in place to
18:45
Speaker 3: be able to juggle that.
18:47
Speaker 4: Yes, So the seasons I feel like I've got to
18:50
Speaker 4: see the seasons of work, and last year, for example,
18:52
Speaker 4: was a very busy time. And I think something that
18:56
Speaker 4: and I'm sure you guys would relate to this too
18:58
Speaker 4: as founders. You it's very hard to not have your
19:02
Speaker 4: entire self worth slush everything in your life built up
19:08
Speaker 4: kind of and this expectation on yourself that your business
19:11
Speaker 4: is your soul, like it's so deeply connected to who
19:14
Speaker 4: you are and what you do, and it's your project
19:16
Speaker 4: and your thing, and that can be really tough. I
19:21
Speaker 4: think too, as what I've had to learn is as
19:23
Speaker 4: well as a founder, putting your business first before, like
19:28
Speaker 4: your family before, every before your health. There are things
19:32
Speaker 4: that your business should not should not come before. So
19:36
Speaker 4: if I like last year, if I was looking back,
19:38
Speaker 4: I was, I was like, and again it was a
19:40
Speaker 4: really it's really hard when I reflect on it. I
19:42
Speaker 4: think in hindsight, often we can be really hard on
19:44
Speaker 4: ourselves because we have the you know, we've had the
19:48
Speaker 4: time to reflect and we know more now and we've
19:50
Speaker 4: learned more and we've grown more. So I often I
19:52
Speaker 4: try not to judge myself based on the past because
19:55
Speaker 4: it's like now I have hindsight so much easier yeah, so.
19:57
Speaker 2: I think it's but it is.
19:59
Speaker 4: It is. It's interesting when with boundaries around work, they
20:03
Speaker 4: are important. I do think it's very difficult to have
20:05
Speaker 4: black and white boundaries around work. Like so for example,
20:08
Speaker 4: if I was like, Okay, I'm never going to work
20:10
Speaker 4: after five o'clock, I'm not. That doesn't work for me
20:13
Speaker 4: because sometimes it's like, well, someone might need something for
20:16
Speaker 4: me and the team that has to be delivered that
20:18
Speaker 4: like it might be you know, we might be editing
20:20
Speaker 4: the podcast video and has to go live the next
20:22
Speaker 4: like there's I find that very black and white boundary
20:26
Speaker 4: quite I think it's very important to have boundaries, and
20:29
Speaker 4: you have to have ebb and flows. So if we've
20:31
Speaker 4: had a really busy period at work, then usually after
20:34
Speaker 4: that there you know, there might be a weak or
20:36
Speaker 4: it's less busy and it kind of ebbs and flows,
20:38
Speaker 4: and that's really important. I think if you expect the flow,
20:41
Speaker 4: you have to have the air like you can't have
20:44
Speaker 4: That's something that I think is really important when it
20:46
Speaker 4: comes to boundaries.
20:47
Speaker 2: I think it needs to be given take on both sides.
20:50
Speaker 4: But yeah, I think as found as it is really
20:52
Speaker 4: hard because you're you're personal, you're doing your life's work
20:55
Speaker 4: really like and it is really hard not to do it.
20:57
Speaker 4: But I think for me last year, what I learned myself,
21:00
Speaker 4: again in hindsight, so I'm not judging myself, was that
21:03
Speaker 4: I was I was injured. I had really bad injuries
21:06
Speaker 4: last year with my.
21:07
Speaker 2: No, they weren't really bad, but they were.
21:09
Speaker 4: They meant that I couldn't run very far or do
21:13
Speaker 4: much of my normal training.
21:14
Speaker 2: I had a bulge disc in my back. I feel
21:16
Speaker 2: like you're allowed to say it was.
21:17
Speaker 4: Really bad related to me, but obviously not.
21:21
Speaker 2: But that's just relative to me.
21:22
Speaker 3: I know it's not in comparison to anyone, but you're
21:24
Speaker 3: allowed to say the experience for you was really bad.
21:27
Speaker 2: Yes, for me it was bad.
21:28
Speaker 4: Yes.
21:29
Speaker 2: And I slipped my arm open in a nightclob.
21:33
Speaker 5: You were in the walls.
21:35
Speaker 4: Yeah. I fell over so many times and it just
21:37
Speaker 4: was like but when I when you're like thirty and
21:39
Speaker 4: you fall down the hill running, it's like very high
21:42
Speaker 4: impact and so you don't just like kids. I've watched
21:45
Speaker 4: kids for and then they're fine, there's get up.
21:47
Speaker 5: Yeah, because all over as we had a fall.
21:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was gonna say I had.
21:53
Speaker 4: A fall, yeah, And then I'm like literally eight weeks
21:55
Speaker 4: out because I've you know, hurt whatever. Anyway, I did
21:58
Speaker 4: a few things and it that. But what I also
22:01
Speaker 4: didn't do I then didn't put time into like my
22:04
Speaker 4: poor visio Elana. I love her so much, and this
22:06
Speaker 4: year I've been so committed, but last year I literally
22:09
Speaker 4: canceled on her. I reckon like every second week because
22:12
Speaker 4: it was because of work.
22:13
Speaker 2: Oh, I have a meeting.
22:13
Speaker 4: Now I can't prioritize it. I can't make that work.
22:16
Speaker 4: And then what was happening. I usually have my I
22:19
Speaker 4: usually train in the morning, but I couldn't train. I
22:21
Speaker 4: had so much work to do that I was like, well,
22:22
Speaker 4: i mus get to the office at seven thirty because
22:24
Speaker 4: of like then it's going to make it easier. But then,
22:27
Speaker 4: because my workload was quite a lot, I would then
22:32
Speaker 4: stay at work until like seven or something, so it's
22:34
Speaker 4: a long and then I'd get home be like, fuck,
22:35
Speaker 4: I have to do content because that's a hard thing too.
22:37
Speaker 4: I think with Steph and I, like we're the face
22:39
Speaker 4: of the business and we're also running the bus business. Yeah,
22:43
Speaker 4: we've actually we're navigating how that can because it is
22:46
Speaker 4: it's trying to find it's trying to find that middle.
22:48
Speaker 2: Grack balance, right.
22:50
Speaker 4: But what that meant was I was on a screen
22:52
Speaker 4: like honestly so many hours of the day and with
22:56
Speaker 4: content too. When you're being you want to have space
22:59
Speaker 4: to be creative, and it's very hard when to do
23:01
Speaker 4: that when you're like I'm going to do it, yeah, exactly,
23:05
Speaker 4: And so I kind of was in this And then
23:07
Speaker 4: what also meant again, but when I think back, because
23:10
Speaker 4: the on the weekends as well, I was working at
23:12
Speaker 4: least like both both days, I was not not like
23:15
Speaker 4: the normal big days, but I was still just had
23:17
Speaker 4: so we switch off exactly, and I was finding that
23:22
Speaker 4: I wasn't getting through my day, my task in the day.
23:25
Speaker 4: So then on the weekend, I'd had to do all
23:26
Speaker 4: the work that I hadn't done. So it was just
23:28
Speaker 4: it was just But then I look back and I
23:30
Speaker 4: asked myself, Okay, what would I have done differently because
23:33
Speaker 4: the workloads, I could have asked some more help, which
23:36
Speaker 4: I that's one learning. But I think sometimes you go
23:38
Speaker 4: through seasons where it's like like, for me, there wasn't
23:41
Speaker 4: a lot that I could have given off my plate
23:43
Speaker 4: last year, so that was just a really busy season.
23:46
Speaker 2: But what I could have done is had.
23:48
Speaker 4: More boundaries around that morning time and instead of thinking like, oh,
23:51
Speaker 4: I can't exercise as I want to, so I'm just
23:54
Speaker 4: going to do nothing, which I think is one of
23:56
Speaker 4: the most common, like so much so many of us do.
23:57
Speaker 4: It's like I can't do this exact routine that I want,
24:00
Speaker 4: so I'm just gonna do nothing, yeah, all or nothing exactly.
24:03
Speaker 4: And so instead I could have like and what I
24:05
Speaker 4: ended up doing was I started doing things like prioritizing
24:08
Speaker 4: my physio And it sounds so silly, like, but I
24:10
Speaker 4: honestly I could not. I put so much pressure on
24:13
Speaker 4: myself that to go to the physio for an hour
24:16
Speaker 4: in the day, I felt so guilty, like, oh my god,
24:18
Speaker 4: I need to be And it's like, but that that's
24:20
Speaker 4: something that I've had to work through. But showing up
24:23
Speaker 4: for myself in that has helped me because it's like,
24:25
Speaker 4: you know, I'm worthy of doing this, right I am.
24:27
Speaker 4: I to show up at work and be better at
24:29
Speaker 4: what I do.
24:30
Speaker 5: Have to look after.
24:31
Speaker 4: You have to have space. You have to have that
24:33
Speaker 4: space for yourself otherwise you can't you can't do it. Yeah,
24:36
Speaker 4: And so what I was doing I was then like
24:38
Speaker 4: building a meditation into the morning, and that helped a lot,
24:41
Speaker 4: Like if it was just five minutes, it's something. And
24:43
Speaker 4: then I was doing my rehab exercises, which is again
24:48
Speaker 4: it's not it didn't give me the same kind of
24:50
Speaker 4: endorphin rush as like you know, doing a full gym
24:52
Speaker 4: workout or going for a run or whatever. But what
24:55
Speaker 4: that did for my mind mentally not waking up and
24:58
Speaker 4: getting on my phone and scrolling because you know, like
25:00
Speaker 4: mindless scrolling.
25:01
Speaker 2: That's not it's not like I'm even looking at trends
25:03
Speaker 2: or something to do.
25:04
Speaker 4: It's not.
25:05
Speaker 2: You know, there's a difference.
25:06
Speaker 4: Is a difference when you're like looking for like an
25:07
Speaker 4: audio or whatever to your video and your fingers go
25:12
Speaker 4: numb and you're like, that is my sign to stop,
25:15
Speaker 4: but they're not good, like to wake up and do that,
25:17
Speaker 4: but instead to wake up and do something for yourself,
25:19
Speaker 4: whatever it may be. So for me it was like
25:23
Speaker 4: my rehab exercises, and even though it wasn't my normal
25:26
Speaker 4: workout or whatever, what that did for first of all,
25:29
Speaker 4: the discipline to get up and do it when I
25:31
Speaker 4: didn't want to do it, but I was showing up
25:33
Speaker 4: for me was huge and that has then just I've
25:36
Speaker 4: been able to stack that, like habit, stack that and.
25:38
Speaker 2: Build up from there.
25:39
Speaker 4: And then this year I just feel so much stronger
25:43
Speaker 4: as it like on my body, but my mind's like
25:47
Speaker 4: I have shown up for myself.
25:49
Speaker 2: And I didn't want to.
25:50
Speaker 3: Have an adversity to like during your time going against
25:53
Speaker 3: like the push and pull of the universe and life
25:56
Speaker 3: and all that stuff. Hearing you speak about, you know,
25:59
Speaker 3: really being tapped into the energy people are putting out
26:03
Speaker 3: and always wanting to put out positive energy and setting
26:05
Speaker 3: boundaries at work and like literally being stressed but having
26:09
Speaker 3: to push past that. It reminded me of this question
26:11
Speaker 3: that's in like the Reflex conversation cards, and it's a
26:14
Speaker 3: question of would you rather be liked or respected?
26:18
Speaker 4: It's such a good question and it has changed so
26:22
Speaker 4: I am not a good leader if I only want
26:25
Speaker 4: to be liked.
26:26
Speaker 2: I want to be respected.
26:29
Speaker 4: I have learned this a lot about myself in the
26:31
Speaker 4: past three years, and I think now because again I'm
26:35
Speaker 4: in a season where work is kind of very big
26:37
Speaker 4: priority in my life.
26:38
Speaker 2: So it's kind of a lot of yeah, okay.
26:41
Speaker 5: It's part of your world. Yeah, it's a big part
26:43
Speaker 5: of your way.
26:43
Speaker 4: And that's something that I have had to face because
26:48
Speaker 4: you're not I do believe, and I was like this,
26:51
Speaker 4: I was not a good leader when I wanted to
26:52
Speaker 4: be liked by everyone, because then you're not giving feedback.
26:55
Speaker 4: Feedback actually helps people grow and learn. And also when
26:59
Speaker 4: you think about your team, you're there to challenge each other.
27:02
Speaker 4: Also everyone's there to they've got KPIs, they've got things
27:05
Speaker 4: that they need to need to do also to show
27:08
Speaker 4: up for the team. Like if you have people that
27:09
Speaker 4: aren't performing within a team, or a toxic within the culture,
27:12
Speaker 4: whatever that might be, that impacts everyone's experience at work
27:16
Speaker 4: and it makes the biggest, the biggest difference in the company.
27:21
Speaker 4: And when in that instance, if things aren't working and
27:24
Speaker 4: you just care about being liked, you're never going to
27:26
Speaker 4: have those conversations. You're not going to put And what
27:30
Speaker 4: I've learned as well is when you when you challenge
27:32
Speaker 4: people and as a leader and you in you give thoughtful,
27:37
Speaker 4: considered feedback that might feel uncomfortable, the respect that they
27:41
Speaker 4: have for you and how much more fulfilled they feel
27:44
Speaker 4: in their role is tenfold. On walking around just trying
27:48
Speaker 4: wanting everyone to like you and laugh at your jokes.
27:51
Speaker 2: That's not a leader.
27:52
Speaker 4: So I and that's something that I've had to learn
27:54
Speaker 4: throughout the past few years. But for me it's more
27:56
Speaker 4: important now to be I think in terms of my
28:00
Speaker 4: personal life, I'm probably still on the journey of what
28:05
Speaker 4: that looks like, what that looks like, and what that means.
28:08
Speaker 2: But for me, it's to be respected.
28:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, speaking of podcasts, you have started this mini series
28:15
Speaker 3: or you created this mini series, which was incredible, so
28:19
Speaker 3: I know that you've found this really really helpful.
28:22
Speaker 1: Yes, so do I want kids? Honestly incredible. As soon
28:26
Speaker 1: as I saw that you were working on this, I
28:28
Speaker 1: was like, finally somebody is having this conversation because for
28:32
Speaker 1: me personally, I've been with my partner for almost sixteen
28:35
Speaker 1: years now. We met when I was fifteen.
28:38
Speaker 4: Childhood sweetheart, Yeah is what you call it? No, ye, Yeah,
28:41
Speaker 4: I'm met on my face.
28:42
Speaker 2: Oh my god, when you met on.
28:44
Speaker 4: My spec Yeah yeah, amazing. Yeah.
28:47
Speaker 1: So but I think because of that, a lot of
28:49
Speaker 1: people like, but you don't have kids yet or when
28:52
Speaker 1: are you gonna have kids? And I have personally never
28:55
Speaker 1: wanted to have kids, but the more that people in
28:58
Speaker 1: my life having them, I often think to myself. Am
29:02
Speaker 1: I going to regret this? Am I not going to
29:04
Speaker 1: feel fulfilled? Or am I a horrible person? Like? Is
29:08
Speaker 1: there something wrong with me that I don't have this
29:11
Speaker 1: maternal instinct?
29:12
Speaker 4: Starch society makes us feel like that.
29:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, but I like really love every like
29:17
Speaker 1: all my friends and family, and I really love my
29:20
Speaker 1: partner and I do think that we would make incredible
29:22
Speaker 1: parents if we had to. And I also want to
29:24
Speaker 1: address that being able to have the choice to have
29:27
Speaker 1: children is a privilege that many people don't have. But
29:32
Speaker 1: I'm like, is there something wrong with me? So I
29:34
Speaker 1: wanted to start with a question that I think a
29:36
Speaker 1: lot of people have, is making the choice not to
29:40
Speaker 1: have kids selfish?
29:41
Speaker 4: My god, Okay, this is a great question. I'm so
29:44
Speaker 4: sorry you feel like that you shouldn't. And this is
29:46
Speaker 4: something that in the podcast if you are it's actually
29:50
Speaker 4: having children is a life altering decision, like it is
29:53
Speaker 4: truly it changes your life.
29:56
Speaker 2: If you don't want to have children, you do not
29:58
Speaker 2: have to.
30:00
Speaker 4: And I think when people say and I think it's
30:02
Speaker 4: definitely projecting when people come back and they're like, you know, oh,
30:05
Speaker 4: you'll evolve, Like, oh, it's just a phase. It's like, no,
30:08
Speaker 4: it's not a phase, like this is a value that
30:11
Speaker 4: I have. I do not want to have children, and
30:13
Speaker 4: so you don't have to grow out of it because
30:15
Speaker 4: there's nothing There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And
30:18
Speaker 4: I think for a lot of people that are in
30:20
Speaker 4: generations before us, and it's because a lot of them
30:23
Speaker 4: are paved the path for us, which you know we're
30:25
Speaker 4: so grateful for, they weren't able to say don't want
30:27
Speaker 4: to have children.
30:28
Speaker 2: It was so much more. It's taboo now, but it
30:30
Speaker 2: was even more to boot. So I think often it's.
30:32
Speaker 4: A projection of like again, it's like coming back to
30:35
Speaker 4: saying what we want. As women, we are programmed to
30:38
Speaker 4: never say what we want, and that is so fucked
30:41
Speaker 4: because people can Our life is our life, like no
30:45
Speaker 4: one else has to live a life and deal with
30:46
Speaker 4: the choices that we really make most of the time.
30:50
Speaker 4: Except us. We're the ones that have to, you know,
30:52
Speaker 4: if we decide to have children and are able to
30:55
Speaker 4: have the baby, raise the baby, not sleep, the impact
30:57
Speaker 4: on the relationship, etc. So I think it's I think
31:01
Speaker 4: for a lot of the people that are responding like that,
31:03
Speaker 4: there's often probably a few generations ahead, like maybe in
31:06
Speaker 4: law's parents, whatever, cousin, so whoever it is, it's a
31:10
Speaker 4: projection that they never ever ever got to be asked
31:13
Speaker 4: do you want to have kids or not?
31:15
Speaker 2: They just had to.
31:15
Speaker 4: And so when people are in everything in life, when
31:18
Speaker 4: people question things that we've always thought is the status
31:20
Speaker 4: quo and in a pronatal and pronatal I did not
31:23
Speaker 4: know what that meant before I started the podcast. So
31:25
Speaker 4: if anyone else doesn't know, it's in our society's basically
31:28
Speaker 4: we're pro kids. So you the assumption is that we
31:31
Speaker 4: will have children.
31:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the norm exactly, and for women as well.
31:34
Speaker 4: I mean, we couldn't open a bank account until like
31:36
Speaker 4: fifty or something years ago. Like our job in society
31:40
Speaker 4: was to bear children, and so there's so much that
31:42
Speaker 4: we But now we live in a society where most
31:46
Speaker 4: families with the cost of living, both people, if in
31:50
Speaker 4: a heterosexual relationship, work, and it's there's so many, so
31:54
Speaker 4: many things.
31:54
Speaker 2: That are different to before.
31:56
Speaker 4: So I think if anyone's listening and they say that
32:00
Speaker 4: to you, it's like that's them projecting on you. They're
32:04
Speaker 4: not going to be raising a kid for you, like
32:06
Speaker 4: they're not in ten years. If you have had children,
32:09
Speaker 4: or haven't and you didn't want that. They're not there.
32:12
Speaker 2: They're not going to be in your house helping you.
32:13
Speaker 4: They've gone off because they're putting what they want first.
32:16
Speaker 4: They've lived their life, and so you have to live yours,
32:18
Speaker 4: and so I think that's really important.
32:21
Speaker 2: The question around are you selfish?
32:22
Speaker 4: I love this question because this is something that as
32:25
Speaker 4: in having these conversations and with a lot of my
32:28
Speaker 4: girlfriends who haven't had kids yet. For us, we also
32:32
Speaker 4: lost like three years of our late twenties in COVID,
32:35
Speaker 4: which was like, you know, the travel years. I just
32:38
Speaker 4: feel like we were robbed if that mass so much
32:40
Speaker 4: more like I wanted to do with my career, with
32:42
Speaker 4: my life before having kids, right if I am lucky
32:45
Speaker 4: enough to have them and able to have them. But
32:49
Speaker 4: I think with the selfish thing, what's really interesting is
32:53
Speaker 4: through the podcast and through a lot of the conversations
32:55
Speaker 4: we explored it's not it's also selfish to want to
32:59
Speaker 4: have children because because a lot of people have children
33:01
Speaker 4: because they don't want to be lonely when they're older,
33:04
Speaker 4: and they don't want to have Christmas by themselves.
33:06
Speaker 2: And they want people to look after them.
33:07
Speaker 4: That's selfish. You're not having a that's not for the
33:10
Speaker 4: greater good, that's for yourself fright. Yeah, and so it's
33:14
Speaker 4: being a parent can be selfless because you have to
33:16
Speaker 4: put you know, the child first, et cetera. But it
33:20
Speaker 4: can also be selfish because you're bringing someone into the world.
33:23
Speaker 2: And we had exactly yeah, and.
33:25
Speaker 4: Also you want to bring it also can be And
33:27
Speaker 4: it was really interesting. We had Meghan Laskam, who's a
33:30
Speaker 4: relationship expert and has worked with and being a counselor
33:34
Speaker 4: for twelve years and work with so many different couples
33:37
Speaker 4: and what we what Meghan spoke about was so interesting
33:39
Speaker 4: and I was like, I've never thought about like that.
33:41
Speaker 4: A lot of people like I want to have a
33:43
Speaker 4: mini me in the world. That's actually quite quite that's
33:46
Speaker 4: you know, there's no judgment, but if you're going to
33:49
Speaker 4: talk about being selfish or not, like that's quite egotistical
33:51
Speaker 4: in somewe it's a bit of ego and like it's
33:53
Speaker 4: a bit of selfishness in that. And so and then
33:55
Speaker 4: I think you could say too with like the there
33:59
Speaker 4: are a lot of vironmental reasons to not bring children
34:02
Speaker 4: into the world, more people into the world right now,
34:04
Speaker 4: and so you could say you're selfish to have children.
34:07
Speaker 4: You could also say your selfish not to have children.
34:09
Speaker 4: I think it's like it's reframing that and not And
34:12
Speaker 4: again that's because society makes us feel that weish like
34:16
Speaker 4: and selfish prioritizing your own hundred and so what it's
34:21
Speaker 4: important to And this is something that I've worked through
34:24
Speaker 4: as well personally, because I find being selfish I'm really
34:30
Speaker 4: I don't like the word because when you look at
34:32
Speaker 4: the definition of the word selfish, it means you don't
34:34
Speaker 4: respect other people essentially, and like you like that's and
34:38
Speaker 4: not I don't want to No one wants to go
34:39
Speaker 4: through life being like that. I care about people around us,
34:43
Speaker 4: but I've had to reframe it to for self, and
34:46
Speaker 4: that feels much nicer. That's not about putting other people down.
34:49
Speaker 4: That's not about deciding you're just going to do something
34:51
Speaker 4: it's going to impact so many people and not caring
34:52
Speaker 4: and talking through it.
34:54
Speaker 2: But for self means you're.
34:55
Speaker 4: Living your life for you, which is really really important.
34:59
Speaker 4: And I think the only reason we would feel selfish
35:01
Speaker 4: or not selfish for wanting to have kids is because
35:03
Speaker 4: of the way society makes us feel and all these
35:05
Speaker 4: assumptions and judgments from around us that actually are just
35:09
Speaker 4: other people's belief systems that we don't.
35:11
Speaker 2: Have to take on.
35:12
Speaker 1: That's so true because it really doesn't impact anyone except
35:16
Speaker 1: for you and your partner. So I think as long
35:20
Speaker 1: as you're on the same page and you're both open
35:23
Speaker 1: with your position there, then you're not being selfish.
35:26
Speaker 3: I was really starting to cry in that, Like, I
35:30
Speaker 3: just I think that is just really powerful, and I think,
35:35
Speaker 3: like I'm just being your best friend right now, but
35:37
Speaker 3: I think you've been really like invalidated in how you
35:40
Speaker 3: felt for a really long times. Okay, now I'm going
35:43
Speaker 3: to cry, And I just think it's really great that
35:46
Speaker 3: you can hear that because you haven't been able to
35:49
Speaker 3: hear that for a really long time, and that your
35:51
Speaker 3: feelings are really valid and it's not selfish.
35:53
Speaker 1: Oh thank you, and thank you as well. Yeah, it's true,
35:57
Speaker 1: like hearing it from someone that I is like so
36:02
Speaker 1: validating for me, and I do respect you so much,
36:05
Speaker 1: and I think, you know, I just hear people saying like, oh, well,
36:09
Speaker 1: like has sally softened to the idea? Yeah, and even
36:13
Speaker 1: that I'm like even that visual to me that I'm
36:17
Speaker 1: like this stone cold person that doesn't want to have
36:20
Speaker 1: children when I am like a really empathetic person like you,
36:24
Speaker 1: like I take on everybody else's emotions constantly, I'm like,
36:29
Speaker 1: I can't believe people see me like that. So I
36:31
Speaker 1: feel like you've really validated.
36:32
Speaker 2: And explained it's their projections.
36:35
Speaker 4: And I think as well on that the one the
36:38
Speaker 4: biggest learning out of the entire series. And we spoke
36:40
Speaker 4: to people that had had were child free by choice,
36:43
Speaker 4: child free not by choice.
36:44
Speaker 2: That was really interesting.
36:45
Speaker 4: We spoke to this incredible woman, Karen, She's about fifty
36:48
Speaker 4: three years old, and she wanted children, wasn't able to
36:51
Speaker 4: have them, And in all of these conversations, we always
36:56
Speaker 4: came back to the same thing. And it was because
36:58
Speaker 4: the thing that I fucking hate is when people are like, oh,
37:01
Speaker 4: you don't know love until you have a child, because
37:03
Speaker 4: that is so fucking judgmental that it makes infers that like, oh,
37:06
Speaker 4: real love is only between a parent and a child.
37:09
Speaker 4: First of all, there are so many people that I
37:11
Speaker 4: know that hate their parents and they don't talk. It's
37:14
Speaker 4: not guaranteed that your child's going to look after you
37:17
Speaker 4: or be your best friend your whole life. It's like
37:18
Speaker 4: that is putting so much pressure on this child to
37:21
Speaker 4: fill voids in your life. And also it's your child
37:25
Speaker 4: is dependent on you for a season for like, you know,
37:27
Speaker 4: fifteen years of their life. Then when you know fifteen
37:30
Speaker 4: to eighteen, they're different whatever. Then they move out, then
37:32
Speaker 4: they have their own family, and it's like then it's
37:34
Speaker 4: like they might not be there for you all the time.
37:37
Speaker 4: You can't put that expectation on them, and they're going
37:39
Speaker 4: to fill that void. And so the thing that came
37:41
Speaker 4: out of every single episode is that if you have
37:45
Speaker 4: kids or don't, you will not have any less or
37:47
Speaker 4: more love.
37:48
Speaker 2: Joy, or community in your life.
37:50
Speaker 4: And I think society makes us think that we will
37:53
Speaker 4: have no love and no joy and no relationships if
37:57
Speaker 4: we don't have children, And in that was one of
37:59
Speaker 4: the most incredible and special things to come out of
38:01
Speaker 4: the podcast. Your life will have all of those things
38:04
Speaker 4: in it if you have kids or not.
38:06
Speaker 5: I love that that's so powerful.
38:08
Speaker 1: Do you have any advice for anybody listening who is
38:11
Speaker 1: sort of weighing up that decision whether or not to
38:14
Speaker 1: have kids, but they don't know whether or not they're
38:16
Speaker 1: listening to their heart or if they're listening to society.
38:19
Speaker 1: How do you kind of juggle with those two things
38:21
Speaker 1: to prioritize your happiness.
38:23
Speaker 2: It's so hard and it's coming back to your values.
38:25
Speaker 4: So in the first episode, we had and davidman on
38:29
Speaker 4: and davidman is a she's a parenthood clarity mental wow,
38:34
Speaker 4: yeah wow, she's a way job time yeah job.
38:37
Speaker 2: And what's amazing with Anne as well?
38:38
Speaker 4: Anne actually did want children and then because of her
38:41
Speaker 4: so she separates, which is I thought was amazing the
38:44
Speaker 4: difference between desire and decision. So you might desire to
38:48
Speaker 4: have children, So she did desire to have children, but
38:51
Speaker 4: then her partner sadly passed away, and so then she
38:55
Speaker 4: made the decision to not have children because within her
38:59
Speaker 4: life circumstance answers, it didn't make sense anymore. And what
39:04
Speaker 4: I like about separating it is that for people that
39:06
Speaker 4: do want to have children and aren't able to, I
39:09
Speaker 4: think it doesn't make it like it's just this one
39:11
Speaker 4: big thing. It's like you might have the desire, but
39:14
Speaker 4: then you might not be able to and that's okay,
39:16
Speaker 4: And there's other elements you have to consider around.
39:19
Speaker 2: You know, if you aren't in a relationship, do you
39:22
Speaker 2: want to raise that child? By yourself.
39:23
Speaker 4: You might have the desire, but then it doesn't make
39:26
Speaker 4: sense to do it. Might be obviously the cost of living, like,
39:29
Speaker 4: there's so many factors that need to come into it,
39:32
Speaker 4: and so separating that is really I thought that was
39:34
Speaker 4: really powerful. And then the other thing that Anne speaks
39:37
Speaker 4: about is going deep in yourself and giving yourself permission.
39:41
Speaker 2: To ask what do I want? What do I value?
39:46
Speaker 4: And if that's not kids, that's okay, And it's doing
39:49
Speaker 4: it's separately. This is what I found really interesting doing
39:52
Speaker 4: it separately to your partner because I think as well, like,
39:55
Speaker 4: obviously there's societal pressures to like, you know, want to
39:58
Speaker 4: thinking that we need to have children, et cetera. But
40:00
Speaker 4: then especially if you've been with your partner for such
40:02
Speaker 4: a long time, it's actually becomes really difficult to kind
40:05
Speaker 4: of decipher, oh do I want this or is this
40:07
Speaker 4: like what my partner wants? And it's become like my
40:09
Speaker 4: belief system, but I don't know if it is. And
40:12
Speaker 4: so that's really important to do it separately and go
40:15
Speaker 4: and do the work, and speaks through a lot in
40:18
Speaker 4: a lot more detailed the episode a lot better than
40:20
Speaker 4: I'm doing it right now of how to kind of
40:22
Speaker 4: go deep within yourself and ask yourself that question. But
40:28
Speaker 4: what's also interesting now and Anne hasn't had kids, and
40:30
Speaker 4: so she what I loved with anne story and her work,
40:33
Speaker 4: so she had the desire wasn't able to but something
40:35
Speaker 4: that I don't think has made the podcast. But I
40:37
Speaker 4: thought it was really beautiful and said that. When I
40:40
Speaker 4: asked her, I was like, oh, well, you want a
40:42
Speaker 4: children now you don't have them, Like are you happy?
40:45
Speaker 2: Are you lonely?
40:46
Speaker 4: She was like, I am so glad I don't have
40:48
Speaker 4: children because my career, what I'm doing with my life
40:51
Speaker 4: I have I can travel whenever I want, I have
40:54
Speaker 4: full autonomy over my life. I have family that has children.
40:58
Speaker 4: I get to spend time with them. And I'm so
41:01
Speaker 4: happy and I'm so glad that, you know, my life
41:04
Speaker 4: led down this path. And I thought it was it
41:06
Speaker 4: was so empowering and incredible to hear from a woman
41:08
Speaker 4: who was in because I think it's amazing more people
41:11
Speaker 4: are talking about it now that are maybe in their
41:13
Speaker 4: thirties that are deciding to be child free. But then
41:16
Speaker 4: it's like we don't have that role modeling of what
41:18
Speaker 4: it's like.
41:19
Speaker 5: I don't know and feel like it's because it's always.
41:26
Speaker 3: The drunk rich yes that comes in from Milana is
41:30
Speaker 3: like a yeah.
41:31
Speaker 2: That's it's not role model to us. It's not in
41:33
Speaker 2: movies and it's not glorified.
41:36
Speaker 5: Yeah exactly, it's like comedy in a job.
41:40
Speaker 2: It's not, but it's not.
41:41
Speaker 4: And so to have this woman that works with people
41:44
Speaker 4: every day and if they want to have kids or not,
41:46
Speaker 4: and she wanted to have kids and then hasn't and
41:48
Speaker 4: for her to say, like, I am so glad that
41:50
Speaker 4: I didn't have kids, but I'm sure if she had it,
41:52
Speaker 4: she would have loved her life. Like your life is
41:56
Speaker 4: not successful based on that. It's like you get to
41:59
Speaker 4: decide what's successful and whatever happens, like it's your again.
42:03
Speaker 4: It's like that mindset element, like you can find love
42:06
Speaker 4: and enjoy in connection within it. It's up to you.
42:08
Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, you posted a snippet from your
42:11
Speaker 3: notes up that really hit home for us, and.
42:15
Speaker 5: This is what I read.
42:16
Speaker 3: What if we didn't think of life as a race,
42:18
Speaker 3: we deprive ourselves of the magic of the journey because
42:21
Speaker 3: we are so focused on the end goal. What does
42:24
Speaker 3: this mean and how does it encourage us to prioritize
42:27
Speaker 3: joy in our life.
42:28
Speaker 2: Oh thanks for reminding me about that.
42:31
Speaker 5: It's great. I was like, I'm fine.
42:34
Speaker 3: A screenshot that made it my wa.
42:37
Speaker 4: Do you know why because I think for me what
42:39
Speaker 4: that means is if you think in your life of
42:42
Speaker 4: kind of the things that you're working towards, like the
42:45
Speaker 4: you know, maybe your goals or the milestones, the things
42:47
Speaker 4: that we're told should bring us happiness.
42:50
Speaker 2: Maybe we'll list some.
42:51
Speaker 4: Okay, so, getting a promotion, getting married, and this is
42:55
Speaker 4: I don't want anyone to think that. I believe this
42:57
Speaker 4: is what society makes us, getting married, having a child,
43:02
Speaker 4: owning a home birthday, like milestone birthday parties.
43:05
Speaker 2: I honestly am struggling.
43:07
Speaker 4: To think of more than ten things that we are
43:11
Speaker 4: told in our lives that will bring us happiness. Outside
43:14
Speaker 4: of that, if you think of okay, so they just
43:16
Speaker 4: say this, If you can really think there's ten things
43:18
Speaker 4: in our lives that are meant to bring us happiness,
43:20
Speaker 4: how much joy can you really get from those things?
43:23
Speaker 2: How long is our life?
43:24
Speaker 4: And imagine if the only time that we found joy
43:28
Speaker 4: in our lives, I've got to experience joy and gratitude
43:31
Speaker 4: and feeling happy was in those moments, Like how.
43:35
Speaker 5: Sad is that we're limiting our own happiness.
43:38
Speaker 4: And we're limiting to it, limiting it to like because
43:40
Speaker 4: if we live to say, we're all going to live
43:42
Speaker 4: to one hundred.
43:42
Speaker 2: Here we're going to one hundred. Yeah, And there's actual
43:47
Speaker 2: there's studies on that.
43:48
Speaker 4: I can't remember what it's called, but basically, when those
43:50
Speaker 4: big moments happen, the joy so you might win. It's
43:54
Speaker 4: like they've done studies on people that have won the lottery.
43:56
Speaker 4: The joy lasts about twenty four to forty eight hours
43:58
Speaker 4: and then you go back to your baseline.
44:01
Speaker 2: So what get of these ten events?
44:04
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's yeah. And if you actually next time you
44:07
Speaker 4: have a really joyous the thing that society tells you
44:10
Speaker 4: should be joyous in your life, think about afterwards, like
44:13
Speaker 4: reflect on how long did that super high feeling last?
44:17
Speaker 4: Doesn't last that long. It's also, we can't live our
44:20
Speaker 4: lives in this high like I've just won.
44:22
Speaker 2: I mean, god, imagine we all want lottery.
44:24
Speaker 4: Amazing, you can't, like you think of like big events
44:27
Speaker 4: like I think of like at my wedding, for example,
44:29
Speaker 4: and that was like an amazing everyone says, you know,
44:31
Speaker 4: it's the best day of your life. And it was
44:32
Speaker 4: an amazing, amazing day, one of the best days of
44:34
Speaker 4: my life for sure. But that day is only whatever
44:38
Speaker 4: eight hours, and then it's actually like then you have
44:41
Speaker 4: this come down.
44:42
Speaker 5: Like your birthday.
44:42
Speaker 1: I was going to say, it's like when you're about
44:44
Speaker 1: to go to sleep on your birthday, and I always
44:47
Speaker 1: feel a little bit like sad, ye sick, Like it's gone, Yeah,
44:53
Speaker 1: all Christmas, it's the same thing.
44:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, You're like, oh, that was such a high and
44:57
Speaker 3: then you're like, oh, it's done.
44:59
Speaker 4: M And if we live just for those highs, then
45:02
Speaker 4: the calmdowns are really fucking hard because if you let
45:04
Speaker 4: yourself go up and down. And I find that sometimes
45:07
Speaker 4: with work, like even through the mini series, I literally
45:10
Speaker 4: re recorded like ten things like so many and Lindsay
45:13
Speaker 4: was like, Laura, I think this is this is fine,
45:15
Speaker 4: Like Nope, I spoke way too so in that part
45:16
Speaker 4: of to read it, And I think there was a
45:18
Speaker 4: part of me that was just trying to hang on
45:20
Speaker 4: to this piece of work that I found so fulfilling.
45:23
Speaker 4: And now I'm kind of like, oh, what I'm like
45:25
Speaker 4: on my weekends, Like what am I going to do
45:27
Speaker 4: to like fill that hole? Yeah, because it was such
45:30
Speaker 4: a high for me. But that's why it's so important
45:32
Speaker 4: to kind of balance that and make sure we have
45:34
Speaker 4: in the day to day moments of joy and we
45:37
Speaker 4: focus on gratitude outside of these huge milestones, because if
45:41
Speaker 4: there's only ten or whatever, maybe there's more twenty in
45:43
Speaker 4: our lives and they last for twenty more to forty
45:45
Speaker 4: eight hours, Like how many days do we live where
45:47
Speaker 4: that's not it's like point probably point zero zero zero
45:50
Speaker 4: at one percent of our life. And so it's about
45:53
Speaker 4: it's not just sali like enjoying the more like the
45:56
Speaker 4: Christmas day or the birthday or whatever the promotion date.
45:59
Speaker 4: It's like all of the work you're doing to get there,
46:02
Speaker 4: Like that's actually what life is. That's what makes up
46:04
Speaker 4: ninety nine percent of life.
46:06
Speaker 2: So we can choose. Everyone has a choice.
46:09
Speaker 4: You can only find joy and happiness in those moments,
46:12
Speaker 4: or you can choose to find them in the time
46:14
Speaker 4: in between.
46:14
Speaker 5: We've got to find the joy in the in between.
46:16
Speaker 4: Days, and the in between is our life. Yeah, life
46:19
Speaker 4: is not Christmas.
46:21
Speaker 3: And birth all birth and weddings and yeah, like they're
46:24
Speaker 3: the special.
46:24
Speaker 5: I'm going to cry again.
46:27
Speaker 3: I love that that's honestly, speaking to you is just
46:31
Speaker 3: like a hug for the soul.
46:33
Speaker 5: It's just pleasure.
46:35
Speaker 3: And I think, especially going into winter, I think we
46:39
Speaker 3: do all hit like a little bit of a slump,
46:41
Speaker 3: and I think we all do kind of feel like
46:43
Speaker 3: we enter a bit of a rut. And I think
46:45
Speaker 3: people are really going to find a lot of help
46:47
Speaker 3: in this episode. So thank you so so much for
46:50
Speaker 3: chatting to us, and also for that mini series like
46:54
Speaker 3: I just I know that you just said that you
46:55
Speaker 3: know you didn't want to let go of it, but
46:57
Speaker 3: that series like lives forever now and it's going to
47:00
Speaker 3: help so many people that feel exactly the way that
47:04
Speaker 3: you both do as well. And I just think, Yeah,
47:07
Speaker 3: you're incredible and I love you.
47:11
Speaker 1: And we like to finish our episodes with our guests
47:15
Speaker 1: with one final big question, and that is what's your
47:20
Speaker 1: biggest life lesson so far?
47:22
Speaker 2: Biggest life lesson so far?
47:25
Speaker 4: I think it's I mean, it very much comes into
47:27
Speaker 4: the theme of and so far in this you know,
47:30
Speaker 4: the season that I'm in right now. For me, it's
47:32
Speaker 4: that no one knows what you want except you, and
47:37
Speaker 4: if you live your entire life waiting for people to
47:42
Speaker 4: do like guide you to the path of what. So
47:45
Speaker 4: you might be in a job right now, whatever it
47:47
Speaker 4: might be, and you are not happy and you don't
47:48
Speaker 4: want to be there, you can choose to spend another
47:51
Speaker 4: ten years in that job because no one can go inside,
47:54
Speaker 4: and no one we think. I think we think that
47:56
Speaker 4: like it'll work out, and I think that's really nice
47:59
Speaker 4: way to think. But I think if you don't say
48:01
Speaker 4: out loud what you want, you will never get it
48:04
Speaker 4: because no one will ever know, and there is nothing
48:07
Speaker 4: wrong with saying what you want, and you will never
48:10
Speaker 4: make a change in your life.
48:11
Speaker 2: You will never you never live your life for.
48:13
Speaker 4: You because you're kind of just appeasing to how what
48:17
Speaker 4: you think everything everyone else wants you to be. And
48:20
Speaker 4: so that's actually been my biggest lesson is that you
48:23
Speaker 4: because so often I've sat in rooms and I've been like, oh,
48:26
Speaker 4: I would have loved to have got that opportunity, or
48:29
Speaker 4: fuck I wish I could do and then I'm like,
48:31
Speaker 4: then I think back, like again, retrospectively, but I could
48:34
Speaker 4: have done that. But the only reason I didn't is
48:38
Speaker 4: because I never told anyone I wanted to. I never
48:40
Speaker 4: put myself out there. And if we don't put it.
48:42
Speaker 4: And it might be with friendships, you know, it's honestly,
48:45
Speaker 4: with everything in life, you do not put yourself out there.
48:48
Speaker 4: It's even like within within your career if you tell
48:52
Speaker 4: your and I've worked Kick, like the people that say like, hey,
48:55
Speaker 4: this is where I want to get to I now
48:56
Speaker 4: know that. I'm like, wow, they're driven, they want to
48:58
Speaker 4: get to hear in the business. They want to stay
49:00
Speaker 4: with us for a long time and contribute this and
49:02
Speaker 4: grow here. And I'm like, fuck, I want to help
49:04
Speaker 4: them get there, right, But if you never say it,
49:07
Speaker 4: you never know. Yeah, And so I think that's something
49:09
Speaker 4: that's been very powerful, and honestly, I've only learned that
49:11
Speaker 4: this year. I love.
49:12
Speaker 3: That's great, A great piece of advice. Not a perfect
49:15
Speaker 3: place to end on, I think.
49:16
Speaker 1: Absolutely For anybody who doesn't follow you, where can the
49:20
Speaker 1: chicks find you?
49:21
Speaker 4: They can find me on well, actually Instagram and TikTok.
49:24
Speaker 4: I'm not very good at TikTok. Yes, you can find
49:26
Speaker 4: me on Instagram and then you can find if you
49:28
Speaker 4: want to try Kick, you just search.
49:30
Speaker 5: Kick and you have some exciting for our listeners for
49:32
Speaker 5: Kick too.
49:33
Speaker 4: We do so we have so as you said before
49:36
Speaker 4: the middle of the year for everyone listening that's in
49:39
Speaker 4: Australia is like it's the days short. Yeah, the motivation
49:44
Speaker 4: is that the all the year season. It is so
49:47
Speaker 4: easy to be like I just it's cold, it's whatever
49:49
Speaker 4: you know, we think, but exercise actually, as we know,
49:53
Speaker 4: makes us feel like so much better and it's not
49:56
Speaker 4: about like the way that we look or anything like that.
49:58
Speaker 4: It's just like moving so I might and to feel
50:00
Speaker 4: good and we're feel in control of our day and
50:02
Speaker 4: we just we've done something for ourselves.
50:03
Speaker 2: And so we're doing a challenge.
50:05
Speaker 4: It's literally called mid like you're feeling a bit mid, Yeah,
50:08
Speaker 4: I love them you challenge and we have up to
50:12
Speaker 4: forty percent off just for when this comes out.
50:15
Speaker 2: I think there'll be one week left of it.
50:17
Speaker 4: So if you want to join the challenge and just
50:18
Speaker 4: it's not it's like one of them's two workouts a week,
50:21
Speaker 4: the other one's three and then like a mindfulness practice
50:23
Speaker 4: so it's accessible. They're not super long workouts because again,
50:27
Speaker 4: if you're feeling mid, you're not going to want to
50:28
Speaker 4: do a thirty minute workout. Just to do something together
50:31
Speaker 4: and like have the motivation together with the community.
50:33
Speaker 2: So yeah, if you want to join.
50:34
Speaker 3: It's we've got up to forty percent off now amazing
50:36
Speaker 3: and they're really biginner friendly, so yeah, definitely perfect.
50:39
Speaker 1: We'll put a link in the show notes because we
50:40
Speaker 1: know all the chicks will want to sign up. We
50:43
Speaker 1: can all do it together, yes, groupaying yeah, well, thank
50:47
Speaker 1: you so much for coming on again. I don't know
50:49
Speaker 1: if you could tell that we love you.
50:53
Speaker 2: And now are we friends? Now you get a choice?
50:56
Speaker 1: Yeah.
50:57
Speaker 2: Sorry, if you're like, what are you talking about?
50:58
Speaker 4: You have to listen to your Yeah. Yeah, it's so
51:01
Speaker 4: good coming out soon in the kick pop and no,
51:02
Speaker 4: thank you, I really it's been it's been a pleasure.
51:05
Speaker 1: Thanks, it's been amazing. And thanks to your chicks for
51:07
Speaker 1: having us in your ear hauls. We love to be here.
51:10
Speaker 1: And thank you to listener and am I k Made
51:12
Speaker 1: for making today's episode happen. Love y'all, I Chicks, I
51:15
Speaker 1: Kicks