Latest / SPLITUP / SplitUp App Re-Launch Day

Transcript

SplitUp App Re-Launch Day · SPLITUP

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not legal or psychological advice.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Listening does not create a professional relationship with FIDO or any guests.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: For legal or mental health concerns, please consult a licensed professional in your state.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Guest identities may be changed for privacy.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, today is launch day.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so super excited.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: This isn't really split-up's first podcast because Robert and I have done podcasts together specifically to put on this channel.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: But today is our first podcast that we're live in.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm I really couldn't be more excited.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: This has been it's been a long time coming.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: So welcome to our first live podcast.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Lonnie Sheldon, Arizona family law attorney with more than 25 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate their custody, parenting issues, and family court.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: So as you can tell, today's a very special day.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um because after I guess it's been like just about two years of planning, writing, building, filming, dreaming, promising, getting frustrated, uh things falling through.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: We're finally up.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: We're up.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: Splitup's officially live.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's been live for a little bit.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: So if you were on there, thank you.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: But um now we're really we're kicking off with what we've got.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we're really excited.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's truly been a labor of love.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm really so excited to finally share it with all of you.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so, Robert, what are your thoughts on it?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Lonnie.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: This is indeed an exciting day.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a long time coming.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: We put in a lot of effort and time and work towards uh this launch and providing a resource for the community.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm Robert DiCarlo.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a licensed psychologist, and my background is in clinical, forensic, and child custody work.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, for many years, I've had the privilege of helping individuals, parents, couples, and families across the spectrum navigate really some of life's most difficult challenges.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: But a large part of my work in the last 10 years has been helping families and courts better understand complex psychological and parenting issues.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, my goal has always been to help people organize what can feel like a very emotionally overwhelming uh time and moment in their life and give them practical tools to become better versions of their self.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: So when Lonnie first shared her vision for split up with me, I immediately understood why it was needed.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: It was not only about helping people understand the legal process, it was about helping them survive it emotionally and making thoughtful decisions and really protecting the well-being of their children.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I am so excited that today we're finally here to get to share that with all of you.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm not sure if all of you saw that or uh heard that, but there's a glitch.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: We've got a storm in Arizona, and since there's only five a year, basically, apparently my uh electronics aren't really happy with it.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: So something's going on.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we may be able to edit things out.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: We may not be able to edit things out because I don't want to interrupt what what Robert was saying.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: So um you might just have to bear with us.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: And this might be the first of a very weird um couple of podcasts because we're supposed to have rain for several days, I think.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, this is the complexity of life.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: You get things thrown at you and you just have to kind of roll with them.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: And we talk a lot about that throughout uh the resources that we provide in split up.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm so proud of Split Up.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm so proud of Split Up.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: It you know, I I really like to help people and I I like to help people, I I love to advocate.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm an advocate.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't be a judge, I can't be a mediator.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: I am an advocate, and I I like helping people figure out their problems and get through them.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, when people talk to me about creating split up, my answer is really simple.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: I've I've represented a lot of people who um couldn't afford to pay attorneys.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: I had, and I think I might have even mentioned this in a podcast before.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: I had somebody come to me with a baggie of money and it just had like less than$20 in it.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: And and she handed it to me and she had been severely abused in a domestic violence case.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: And of course I took the the case, right?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: But I want to help more people with that.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I I thought there's gotta be a way.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: There's gotta be a way to help more people understand what their rights are, understand how to find out what their rights are.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um and and this was the way I could do it.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it's, you know, we're we're selling it for 30 the the app, it's an app, the app for$34.99, which is you know, 10% of one hour of my time.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: So um I know it's and actually, I mean, I haven't been litigating in a while, so I'm sure I'd be charging much more.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: But when I stopped litigating, that was my hourly rate.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so I'm sure it's probably about the same for you, right, Robert?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, pretty much.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: So um so we really wanted to make it affordable, but we really wanted to make it beefy and and really great.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: And it's you know, it's a personal thing for me.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: I've been through a divorce.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: I understand what it's like to, you know, deal with a difficult co-parent.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm educated and I practice in family law.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so and I had a difficult time with it.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you're sort of like a doctor's not supposed to operate on themselves.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: Attorneys shouldn't be, you know, creating their own parenting plans.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: I created the worst parenting plan I'd ever created because I just knew that we were gonna be different and um we weren't.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I I just wanted to make sure that there was something out there for people that they could go to.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it's it's just for people who can't afford an attorney, I kind of wanted to level the playing field.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to provide them with education because I I truly believe everybody deserves to be heard in court when especially when they're going through a difficult time.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, we want to teach you how to do that in a really um in a way that helps you come across to the court in a way the court's gonna appreciate.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: So Robert, back to you.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, I mean, very similar to your story, Lonnie.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I was drawn to forensic psychology and especially child custody work because it really provides a way to bring structure and organization to some of the most complicated parts of family life.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, as you and I, Lonnie, know, and if you've you've encountered family court either as a parent litigant or as a professional, when a family enters the court system, there's tons of things happening at once.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: There may be legal disputes, but there's also your emotional reaction.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: So, Lonnie, when you were talking about, you know, drafting your own parenting plan, the reason you don't do that as a professional is because your emotions are involved too.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: So there's also parenting concerns.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: There may be monumental financial pressures, not just for the cost of litigation, but just because you're moving and reallocating resources in your family.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: You may be changing housing.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it you also may have very different versions of the same family story or narrative that might be contributing to some of the complexity and difficulties that you're all feeling.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, as a consequence, parents may feel frightened, angry, certainly exhausted.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And the fear and the uncertainty about what comes next, I think is the part that can be most paralyzing for parents.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, all the while, your children may be trying to adjust to changes they did not choose for themselves and may not even fully understand.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Or if they do uh have the capacity for understanding aspects of it, it will be through the lens or perspective of their childhood development.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, forensic and custody work gives us a really structured way to look at that complexity and share and package it to a decision maker like a judge in a way that might be helpful.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: So it allows us to gather information, identify patterns, really get into understanding the needs of each family member and keeping the well-being of the children at the center of that conversation.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that advocacy for children, I think, has been my biggest draw.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been especially important to me as a psychologist, as a parent myself, as somebody who's also gone through a divorce.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, children usually don't have control over the decisions being made around them, but they are deeply affected by how adults manage those decisions and their reactions to those decisions.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: So the goal isn't simply to decide which parent is right and which parent is wrong.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: The goal is really to understand what will help children remain secure, remain connected and emotionally healthy while their family goes through these changes.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: So, Alani, as you know, the longer that we do this work, um, you know, the more clearly we can see major gaps in accessibility and access to resources.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, on my end, on the psychology end, um, you know, Alani, you mentioned the cost of litigation and doing um, you know, litigation work.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: On my end, as a as a forensic psychologist, something like a custody study or a comprehensive evaluation for the family, or even just therapy for the family under a forensic um uh court order, that can be really expensive.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it could price and cost families out of really important resources.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and they may also be difficult, like services may be difficult to find or access in some communities, especially more rural and underserved uh populations and communities.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: So the for the many families that cannot access the level of psychological education, consultation, professional guidance that could help them understand the process and make more informed decisions, that really places them at a pretty big disadvantage.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so they may be entering one of the most stressful periods in their lives without that support.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: They may not even have the language to describe what tools they need or what resources they need.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: So that is one of the main reasons I was really drawn to your idea with split up and and being able to help people uh access trustworthy, psychologically informed information and make it accessible and inclusive.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so certainly, yeah.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, I was that's one of the reasons I I wanted you in here so badly.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: So when I when I came up with the idea, it was really just, I mean, I came up with the Learn Law for All, and that was sort of uh it's still out there, people.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: So go ahead and take a look at it and we'll keep building it.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: But um, that was just to educate people.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I really felt like it was missing something for those people who needed a more holistic approach to divorce because divorce sucks.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care who you are.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, divorce sucks.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's an ending of a really big um part of your life.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not easy.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's not whether you have kids or not, it's not easy.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I I was really excited that you were willing to come on and and do this because I think it offers something that no one else offers.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's I can tell people and and listen, uh divorce attorneys will probably be the first to say we act as counselors um through when people are going through divorce.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a very exist um expensive process when you go to your lawyer and you want to sit at a counseling appointment for two hours.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that's a really expensive counselor.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um and and I thought we've got to be able to give people more, more just a deeper bit of help.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: I can do the legal stuff, and I know a lot of the problems psychologically parents incur or or you know build upon themselves and because of other people, right?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like they they just sort of get overwhelmed and then they do something stupid.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, so there's so much that goes that people have to worry about.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: Not only are they worrying about this very difficult loss, which I I liken to a death by choice, which sometimes makes it harder because you lose other family members where you wouldn't have before.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um not only are they dealing with that big loss, they're also possibly dealing with losing their kids 50% of the time.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: And they're dealing with trying to um figure out how they're gonna make ends meet because they've been a stay-at-home parent or they were, you know, living paycheck to paycheck with two paychecks, um, and now they have one.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: So there's just a lot of emotion that goes through it.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: And we really wanted to help people thrive.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: I really wanted to help people thrive, and I thought, who can help?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: Who can help these people?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's Robert.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: So so yeah, so I'm super excited um about that.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: And that's that's really um what I wanted to do.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I want to handle sort of the the practical side, the family court side um of legal procedures, but I'm so excited that Robert, you were willing to take a chance and do this with me.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm incredibly grateful and honored that you asked me.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I think the merging of those two components, the mental health side as well as the legal piece, um, while it doesn't replace therapy or replace legal advice or even a formal forensic evaluation, it can help people better understand what they're experiencing.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: It can help organize their thinking and prepare for really difficult decisions so that they can respond in ways that are more protective and considering of their children.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um so that to me is really meaningful.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm just so excited we've we've started this project.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm so I'm here uh to help um everybody understand the practical side of family court, the procedures, the evidence, the disclosure, the court preparation, parenting issues, um, the legal part of the parenting issues, not not so much the psychological part, though I do stick my nose in things frequently with Robert, and then he tells me that I, you know, did that.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: You maybe shouldn't have done that.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: But my kids are grown and they're at least alive.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: So there we go.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um they're still they're still hanging on, they still visit me.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um but that's my that's what I'm doing.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: So my goal is to not encourage litigation.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: My goal is to one, help you get through litigation if that's the way you're going, whether you have a choice or not.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: My goal is to um give you the tools that you need and help you create, help you feel confident um if you have to go to court, but also, you know, understand that you don't have to go to court.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's okay to settle, it's okay to get through things, you don't have to fight the whole way.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that's that's what I'm doing.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: Robert, what are you doing?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so while you're focusing and helping people build that legal confidence, on my end, I'm hoping to focus on helping them build more emotional confidence and maybe um uh emotional intelligence surrounding the decisions they make, um, helping them be really grounded so that when they do embark on legal uh decisions that they have to make, and whether it's in family court or related to raising your children, you're gonna do that from a much more informed place.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll be talking a lot about anxiety and how it impacts our thinking, such as rumination, uh, maybe even uh the aspects of grief that you're experiencing uh over the loss of either a really important relationship to you andor the idea of something, the vision or story that you told yourself about your future with this person or under these certain set of circumstances that now has to be re-revised, revisited, reprocessed.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we're obviously going to be talking a lot about co-parenting and some of the pitfalls of co-parenting and how to be better co-parents.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and related to that, helping children through divorce.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, how do you talk to your kids about the separation?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: How do you talk to them about parenting plans and schedules and things that are typically not within the purview of childhood, but end up being so for these kids and families?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we're also going to discuss, and Lonnie, you and I deal with this a lot in our in our respective roles, but how do you deal with and manage difficult personalities that might be contributing to additional conflict or um, you know, litigation behaviors that are very unhelpful and keep the family stuck?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we work towards reducing conflict?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, how do we communicate more effectively?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but overall, learning how to stay in that emotionally grounded space during one of the most stressful periods of your life because when your mind is in that healthier and more organized um space and functioning, everything else becomes a little bit easier.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I mean Robert's gonna take you through how to deal with the jerks and your co-parents and and uh when it's difficult.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna tell you really how to um how to bring that information to court.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, Robert, let's get back to um you're going to kind of help people manage the difficult co-parenting when there's a personality disorder or mental health issue of some sort that somebody's dealing with.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and even if you're the person with maybe the the mental health issue, you know, you can get some guidance from us.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: My job is going to be what to tell the, tell you what to tell the court and how things are difficult and how to resolve issues.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: So that's really where it's gonna be sort of from my perspective.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Robert's gonna kind of help you through the, you know, figuring out how to, I don't know, maneuver through it.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna kind of help you learn how to describe it to the court so that you get what you want and need.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm also going to, if the person who has a mental health issue, try and work with you to figure out how to get sort of back to where you need to be legally.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense, Robert?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I think those two pieces and connecting the emotional well-being and sort of psychological stressors that come along with the separation and divorce or dissolution with the practical legal pieces.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: We feel that individuals that might not otherwise have access to this information or resources will be better equipped to navigate these really difficult periods of time in your life.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: So, Robert, I um I we've kind of been talking about what we're doing, but I don't want to leave people without some nuggets of advice in our podcast.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so if you could give people one piece of advice um for, you know, just to sort of go on their merry way with, if they're not using uh split up or if they are, what's your one piece of advice that you would give someone who's going through a family court issue?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh my gosh, there's so many things that would be helpful.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's really difficult to kind of boil it down into one skill.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: When I think about the common denominator in a dissolution process or somebody going through divorce or custody litigation, the most important thing I would want that person to know is that despite how overwhelming life may feel in that moment right now, it does get better.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it does become more manageable.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh really the beginning of the separation can be the most intense period of time because it's when all of the unknowns happen, when all of the anxiety around um kind of fears of the future and how this process might play out.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's when you're starting to really experience those.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know, also saving space for the possibility that the relationship may have been very unhealthy leading up to that point, not to diminish those stressors.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps there was even domestic violence or substance abuse that you've had to um manage or or even be uh subjected to, that would be stressful in of itself.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: But when you start separating resources and have to move or relocate or separate assets, um, there's a lot of unknowns.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that can be, again, especially intense.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: So there may be court documents, attorneys uh conferring and meetings, um, discussions of parenting schedules that you can't even think about because you wouldn't even know what that might look like, especially if there's significant financial changes, um, housing decisions that have to be made, and trying to have difficult conversations with your kids and other family members while all this other stress is happening.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: So there are important tasks that have to be completed, and many of them are going to feel stressful.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: So it can be To feel as though the divorce has really kind of infiltrated all parts of your life and kind of metastasized into all of your interpersonal relationships and work functioning and parenting.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: But even during a highly complex and conflictual conflictual divorce, you have to keep participating in real life.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the thing I see most parents turn away from is they become all consumed by the divorce litigation.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: So while the legal process may be part of a part of your life, it cannot become your entire identity.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: So you really need to stay connected to supportive friends and family members and resources.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that could be one of those resources as well, by the way.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: But continue working towards your personal or professional goals that matter to you, even if it's an approximation of it.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be to the version or level that you had anticipated had this change not happened in your life.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: But you have to continue working towards something, or the divorce becomes your entire identity.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the ways you can kind of uh reality test that is ask for feedback from your friends and family.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Is that all you talk about?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Is the only time you pick up the phone to call a friend, is it to um to complain about your co-parent or your soon-to-be ex or um discuss difficult parenting and certainly lean on your friends, but you have to create some sort of balance.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Another way to do that is to take care of your physical health.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's going to be a really big part of your emotional functioning.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, even returning to interests that remind you of who you are outside of the marriage or outside of the relationship and outside of the conflict can be really healing and rewarding because it's a, it's it's sort of reframing the crisis into an opportunity for exploration.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're with your children, especially, lean into creating stability and consistency for them.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, this should go without saying, but it's going to be a big sort of undercurrent in the talks that we have.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: But you should not be involving your children in the um in the aspects of your divorce and legal uh components of your divorce, and certainly not bad mounting uh the children's other parent.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: That would be um, you know, uh creating instability and um chaos for them.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: So um you don't have to create a perfect experience for them.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, children usually benefit from the predictability in their routines, your emotional availability, which is largely tied to some of the coping that I just discussed, and just continual reassurance that they are loved and that this is not their fault.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's vitally important that you give yourself permission to grieve.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna go through all kinds of cycles of different feelings and emotions and even behaviors related to your grief over that loss of an idea or even the loss of the relationship.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's okay.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's totally normal.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's a there's a process to grief.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to kind of go through it and feel it.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: And we've done lots of videos on that.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so, you know, uh things like traditions, shared friendships, financial security, all the things that you thought your family would have and continue to have may be uh sort of uh in jeopardy now and have to be reenvisioned.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's not a linear process, by the way.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh whether you're talking about grief from a uh the loss of a in in the case of a death, it's very similar to a relationship or an idea.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: So um this does not mean that you failed.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's not that you're moving backwards.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you're kind of revisiting old cycles of grief, it's just going to change over time.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: So um this happens gradually and unevenly, and you just have to be present for that.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, trying not to measure your progress by whether the divorce still hurts, it's probably going to hurt in different ways across the sort of spectrum and time and um different stages that you're going through in your divorce process.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: So um these are all things that may not feel possible in the here and now when you're going through it, but life can become larger than the divorce again.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really what you have to aim for.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, thank you, Robert.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: I and Robert gives a lot of great advice in his videos.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I'm I'm really, I'm really thankful for that because he will help you walk through some very difficult and dark times.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: Again, I think you definitely have to um be around people who will let you mourn.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I know sometimes that's hard to find that friend because some friends want to be very uplifting.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: Some people, you know, want to say he was a piece of crap anyway, or she was, you know, a bitch anyway, or whatever.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you still have to mourn, whether whether that person was great or not.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: So the one piece of advice I think I would give is slow down.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: Slow down.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: This is a marathon, not a sprint.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: Family law is typically not done in two minutes.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um it can take years.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it doesn't have to, but some courts even have long waiting periods.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: So um, you know, don't don't feel like you've got to rush everything.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: You do need to meet deadlines, but you know, slow down and understand the process and give yourself a chance to breathe and again make sure you take care of yourself because that's that's so important.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then my other little piece is um assume everything you do will be either listened to, viewed, or read by the judge.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you might be video recorded, you might be audio recorded, and certainly anything you put in writing, if it's bad, is going in front of the judge.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: So from this point forward, if that's what you're working on, plan that way.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: Don't write bad stuff on social media.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: Don't tell stupid jokes like what's his face, Pete Davidson.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, don't do stupid things in the middle of your case.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: I I I cannot say that strong enough.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: You can be your own worst enemy or you can be your best advocate and let let yourself be that.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um Robert, you were gonna say something?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just wanted to jump in on making uh comments, especially in um public forums or social media forums, uh, or if you have a larger platform, or you might have um a fan following, or you know, you're famous.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um a lot of people want to turn this into a free speech issue.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I should be able to say what I want, I have free speech, I should be able to say what I want about my ex or co-parent, um, or even my children.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that may or may not be true.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, depending on how that um is uh is approached from a litigation standpoint.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I think the higher calling is do you want your kids reading that?
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so if it's and perhaps you do because you feel angry and you feel that will vindicate some of your feelings.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: But anytime you involve your children in ways that allow them to see your co-parent or their other parent in a negative light, you are slowly or rapidly, depending on how quickly you're doing it, creating harm and damage.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and that you will feel the impact of that, maybe not right right away, but it will come back into your co-parenting relationships in ways that are gonna be extremely unhelpful and um harmful to your children's um just development and adjustment.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: So um try not to look at it as whether or not you have the right to do something or even that you could get away with doing something, and reframing it as is this in the best interest of my children?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: And this is the valuable information you're gonna get on our podcasts and our social media podcasts.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Way to bring it around, Monty.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: You're you're gonna get the important information, of course.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_02: So um, I mean, listen, we're in the beginning right now, right?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: The our our app isn't totally complete.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: We've got three of our five planners ready.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we're going to continue adding um planners and downloaded like digital downloads and videos, of course, and podcasts and social media.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: Robert and I are gonna start doing lives pretty soon, probably in about a month or so.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: We're just trying to sort of get a feel for everything now that we're launched.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um again, I'm gonna keep throwing that back there because I'm so excited.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: We were literally supposed to be launched in January, I think right January of 2025.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we've got a lot of uh that we said we were gonna launch.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then then we had a couple more and then a couple more, and um, so we're here, we're really here this time.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: So we're here, we're doing it.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um so if you're going through a divorce and and you do need some help and some understanding on you know, discovery and disclosure and what you're required to give, we go through all of that.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and we really want to help all of you who are going through those kinds of things.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and we we wanted you to have the videos now, even though we're not totally complete at this moment.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we didn't want to wait six months for you to get you know the full package.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, by the way, I'm just gonna throw this out there, but today is July 17th, right?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_02: So um of 2026.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: We are gonna be doing a three-day free trial and we are doing half price for the next 30 days.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: So um by then we should have the other, I think maybe the other planners completed.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and we'll have many more videos.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but if you get in in the next 30 days, your half price will stay for as long as you keep the app.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um so Robert, what is your thought on that?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because of not wanting to wait the six months.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mine was really very much that um well, I told most people what it was, but I just wanted to get it out there, right?
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to help people and give them give them something instead of nothing until we're complete.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: And by the way, I mean, how complete would we have to be?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: Would it have to be like super perfect?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: So, Robert, what are your thoughts on the fact that we started, you know, not with a perfect prop product, not with a um, not with it, not even a complete product.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we're we're more than halfway there, but what are your thoughts on on that part of it?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think at the end of the day, progress is often more valuable than perfection, and that's how we really approached today's launch.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, you can spend all the time in the world perfecting it and polishing it and getting all the content out there, but um, we also want something that we hope people will have as a tool and a resource right now in their life.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: So you don't need to answer um every single question you have before taking the next healthy step, whether it's in your divorce litigation or in your relationship.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you don't need to feel completely calm before creating stability.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you don't need to know exactly what your future will look like before you begin rebuilding it.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: So similarly, with this app, information will be forthcoming.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_01: You'll have new and evolving information that will help keep you on track.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so just to clarify, for now, we've got 30 days to filing.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's what you're doing for the 30 days before you file, deciding if you want to file, deciding, deciding when, getting safe, all those things.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it's a planner system.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: So we've got the planner and the videos that go with it.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then the next one is um 90 days after filing.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: So after you filed, we're gonna get you serving, we're gonna get you starting disclosure, discovery, um, possible hearings that are going to be involved.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: And that one is up and ready.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_02: So we've got you now from thinking about getting breaking up, splitting up, getting divorced, filing for paternity, whatever you're doing, all the way through to really the beginning parts of litigation, temporary orders.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then our third one, which is also complete, is getting you through trial.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_02: So 135 days to trial.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: So really we've got that whole part.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: So get you through the beginning all the way through trial.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_02: What we're still um working on is the 120 days after trial, and that's gonna get you through what you're gonna do while you're waiting for the court's um final orders, and then what to do after you receive the orders, what your options are.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: And then after that, we've got our fifth planner, which is 180 days to thriving, which by the way, you can use while you're using all your other planners.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um but it'll help you kind of learn how to handle going from two incomes to one, being a single parent, and maybe some guides, some tricks, some things that you can do.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's why, and I'm gonna talk to Robert about this in our next video, hopefully.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what you can do, you know, what it's like when you're um leaving your kids for the first time and how you do that and how to handle those things.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna take you all the way from thinking about it to um to possibly getting remarried or married or, you know, doing getting into another serious relationship or just thriving on your own.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to be in a relationship to thrive.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, in fact, there's there's a lot of people now that are are not, right?
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of people now not getting divorced.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then I wanted to mention one other thing that Robert and I went around and around about.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that is that you'll notice that most of our educational videos are presented by digital avatars.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: And we want to be completely transparent about this because it's really important to us.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, every script, every planner, every word, every worksheet, every legal explanation, every psychological tool, every lesson in the app was researched, written, or resourced, reviewed, or created by us.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like we didn't just, you know let AI build everything.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you will notice that there are avatars that are speaking the lessons, and that's because it would just take too long for us.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: I can tell you right now, during this video, we've probably cut, you know, five minutes out, right?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's not easy to um get information perfect all the time.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so we did do that so that we could bring you more information.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't want you to feel like we're trying to slide anything past you.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's we we chose the words, we we chose the lessons, we've created the planning system, and we're just having this one section sort of video recorded for us so that um we can really get you a lot more information a lot quicker.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, Robert, do you have any um thoughts on that?
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a it's a content uh, it's a vehicle for content delivery, you know, these uh these avatar um that are speaking the the lessons and and actually like demonstrating the videos.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: So uh as a psychologist, I have a lot of feelings about that.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that was difficult for me to get around because as a consumer myself, I watch certain videos and content online, and there is a sort of a psychological uh uh effect or even a repulsion sometimes to uh AI or something that is uh just barely human, and there's all sorts of bodies of research on that as well.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but you know, again, for efficiency, for content um delivery, we need something that gets the most amount of information to the most amount of people that need it.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so it is a balancing act, but we do hope to go in and backfill a lot of that with content coming directly from Lonnie and I.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're very grateful that we have access to this kind of technology now because you know, even five years ago uh we would not be able to produce the volume of video recordings between the two of us that um that we can now.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we do have a lot of gratitude for that, but also recognizing and understanding that that might not be everybody's preference.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but we do want feedback and we want to hear from you as to what sort of content uh would work for you.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm so glad you said that because another thing that we want to do um is is to help you figure out whatever issues you're having.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: So if if you are having a specific um problem or situation occurring that has not been addressed in our videos or our podcasts, feel free to email us.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: Feel free to reach out and say, hey, you know, I've got this problem with my ex or during family trial, or the judge did this, or the other lawyer did that.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: And do I really have to do this?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: And do I really have to do that?
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, feel free to email us that because I can make a social media video.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: Robert can make a social media video.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's not going to be directly, I can't, we can't give legal advice and you can't get counseling from Robert.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: We can't do that.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: But we can make a video that can address different problems that we haven't addressed yet that might be a little more specific to your issue, but that we're not going to give legal advice, right?
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: We're just going to or psychological advice.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: We're going to just give tools and help people through different situations.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then we're also going to do that on the live sessions.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_02: So for premium members, our live sessions, you can ask questions.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: Again, we're not going to give legal advice.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_02: Robert's not going to be your counselor.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: You're not going to have an attorney client privilege with me.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm only licensed in Arizona, he's only licensed in Arizona, and we're not going there.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: We don't want to get in trouble.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: We both have boards that are, you know, very touchy about things that we do.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: But we do want to help you.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: So reach out.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: And if we can, we will.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: Don't say what specifically do I do.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_02: But um, you know, if an attorney does something, so if you if you're having an issue, um, then what we can do is just say, hey, um, we'll we'll make it like a common problem.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: If um if the if your question is, hey, do I have to provide this disclosure to this other attorney?
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: What I might say is check your rules.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um if it feels like harassment, you know, there might be a way that you can get a protective order.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: So check your rules for that.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then I can talk about oftentimes, you know, when people are asking for disclosure, um if it's feeling bad, there may be a way to get a protective order against it, but you've got to check your rules.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_02: So things like that.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna give you specific legal advice, I'm gonna tell you where to find the rules.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um and andor a video that's already created, you know, check our videos.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's it.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you guys for sort of putting up with my computer glitches.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_02: And um, Robert, thank you.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so, so excited.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm thank you all for being here for the launch.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_02: Robert, anything?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited to be here, Lonnie, and I'm so excited for our uh potential uh viewers and members that will benefit from this resource.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_01: And and please just keep us informed about what's relevant and useful for you.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and really feel free to reach out.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: We want to help.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's why we did this.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_02: We we want to help people, and this is the best way we could figure out how to um do that without charging you know our hourly rates for everyone.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: All right, thank you all.