Latest / Relationship Talk Thursday / Who Told You That?

Transcript

Who Told You That? · Relationship Talk Thursday

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It is Relationship Talk Thursday. I'm Sonya Blakey. The Relationship
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Pro is back. We miss her. We love her. Every
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: time she shows up, she's going to talk about something.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: And today, Love McPherson, you have a brand new book
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: called Train Up a Child.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Yes. Reunited. And it feels so good.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Come on, Sonya.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: You were reunited.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Let's go. Let's go. All right. So, Love McPherson, when
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I saw the title of the book, I immediately thought
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: about A scripture that I heard, come up in church,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: train up a child the way that you go, and
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: when you get older, you will not depart from it, da-da-da-da-da.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Is that what this book is about?
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: You know what? This is not about parenting. This is
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: about parenting yourself. And so what happens is a lot
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: of times we grow up reading that scripture. I grew
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: up reading it and listening and memorizing it as well. However,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: what we don't realize is that inside of that scripture
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: is also a principle, right? a principle that talks about
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: how as you train up a child, and that training
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: doesn't always happen by you sitting down and talking to them.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just by what they see, what they observe,
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: and what they take out of your home. You are
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: training your children, whether you like it or not, the good,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: the bad, and the ugly. And so what this book
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: is about is finding out what your inner child wants
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: took and what happened to them and how they interpreted it.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: And see, this is important because by the time a
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: child is around six or seven years old, they have
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: already come to conclusions about certain things that happened to them.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: So say their father did not show up for them
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: and he maybe did broken promises and they stood at
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: the window waiting for him and he never showed up.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: What they will come to the conclusion, because the child
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: has limited ability and limited perspective, they may come to
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: the conclusion that I'm not worth fighting for. I'm not
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: worth showing up for. Now, if you never go back
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: and talk to your inner child and re-erase those things,
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: that will be the abundance of your heart. And that
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: will be how you conduct your affairs and your relationships
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: and things like that. You will shrink your own value when,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: in fact, God has not shrunk your value. So this
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: is all about what happened to you and the messages
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: that you interpreted around those happenings.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Wow. So we're getting to the root of the matter.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: The root.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: The root of the matter.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: And so, love, I know that you have a lot
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: of people that you counsel or have counseled. Is it
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: surprising to them that things that they're dealing with goes
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: back to their childhood?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: It is so surprising to people. And I think that's
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: probably one of my sweet spots in my anointings is
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: that when you're talking to me, I got easily just
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: downloads the root. So getting to the root is probably
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: one of my strongest anointings. And it's when I get
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: to the root of something, I can kind of see
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: the pattern. If I begin to talk about the history,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I can always place it back. And I am telling you,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I have never once in all these years. sat and
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: not been able to associate present behaviors with childhood wounds.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I've never been able to do that because it's always
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: leads back in some way. Now, it doesn't have to
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: be anything devastating. It can actually be something positive. Let's
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: just say you were doing really well and your parents
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: praised you a lot. And then you interpreted that as
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: long as I'm performing, as long as I'm doing well,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: they love me. Well, they were going to love you,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: but they were just praising you. So you misinterpreted that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: So when you show up, you're constantly performing for people.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: And when you don't perform and when you underperform, you
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: take it really, you know, seriously. So that was positive.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Your parents meant for good. However, your child took it
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: for small. So when somebody criticizes you or just critiques
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: or gives you feedback, you may see yourself defensive with
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: your mate. You might see yourself avoiding it. You might
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: see yourself with harsh self-talk. All of those things because
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: of what happened in your childhood and how you interpreted it. Wow.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: It is Relationship Talk Thursday here with relationship expert... a
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: certified marriage and family counselor. Love, Nick Farrison. Now, we
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: opened up our session on social media with a question
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: as it relates to your book, Train Up a Child.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Who taught you that? Check your home training. What does
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: that mean, love?
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: You know, a lot of times when we grew up,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: we were talking about people, oh, they don't have no
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: home training. Well, everybody has some home training, but some
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: of that home training is not good. Some of that
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: home training is toxic. And so what you have to realize,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: you've got to go back and check your home training
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: and say, what trained me to do this? Why is
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: this my default settings? Why is it my default settings
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: to close up? Why is it my default settings to fight?
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Why is it my default setting to run and hide? Those,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: we call those trauma responses, you know, fight, flight, and
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: fawn and freeze. We call those trauma responses, but those
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: are default settings that you learn to survive your household.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: And so if you learn to shut up or if
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: you learn to just avoid, say, you know, I'm going
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: to get into every after school activity so I can
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: avoid the fighting that happens in my house. Or you
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: learn to just you to the fun is to people, please. And,
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: you know, just try to make people like you. All
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: of those different things. You've got to see where is
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: this behavior coming from? even insecurities. Where is this coming from?
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: What taught you this? And I am, once again, this
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: does not necessarily have happened through direct teaching, like you
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: are not enough or things like that. These are conclusions
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: that Satan place planted. Seeds in your life, and you
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: have lived out those, and you will see the manifestations,
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: not just in your relationship with yourself, not just in
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: your relationships with your significant other, not just in your
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: relationship with your friends, but also in your relationship with God.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Amen.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: You will see that even though no matter what he
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: tells you in the Bible that you are capable of
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: doing and that you are capable of having, you still
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: don't feel enough. You still don't feel that he's going
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: to take care of you. You will shout and praise
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: God and maybe even preach, but you don't really trust
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: God because you were not able to feel secure in
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: trusting that people who claim to love you, people who
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: were claimed to take care of you actually would do it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: And so you had to create survival skills to say,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I'm going to do it myself.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Wow. Love McPherson, thank you so much for being with
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: me this morning. Train up a child, I'm quite sure.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Even from us talking today, a lot of healing is
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: going to take place when people read this book and
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: get a clear understanding of, man, this is why I
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: do what I do in my marriage, my relationship. And
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: how can people get this book, Love?
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: You can go to lovemcpherson.com and you can get that
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: book at my website. And we'll ship it right out
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: to you. All right.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Love McPherson will be with me every Thursday. I got
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: to lock down. I got to lock in. Every Thursday
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: of the month of October. Tune in for Relationship Talk
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Thursday as we get into her brand new book, Train
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Up a Child, Cutting to the Core to Heal Your
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Inner Child.