Latest / Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin / EPISODE 19: Military Parents - These 5 Strategies Build Confidence When You Leave

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EPISODE 19: Military Parents - These 5 Strategies Build Confidence When You Leave · Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Deployment time. Let's turn stress into smiles with practical tips
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: for kids and caregivers left behind.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Welcome to Parents Talk, the podcast for parents who want
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: to raise confident, resilient kids and build strong self esteem.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Hosted by Francine Jelene aka Princess Francie and founder of
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: the Confidence Club for Kids. Each episode gives you actionable
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: parenting tips, tools and strategies to help your children thrive,
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: break the cycle of negative childhood programming and grow and
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: is self assured empowered adults. Let's get started.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Jody is writing a series of books called Soldier Mom. First,
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give Jody the mic for a few minutes.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: And I want her to talk about her books.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: Okay, thank you, Francine, and I'm really excited to read
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: here today. So first of all, we're having a great
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: time at the Military Infhones conference also called Mike but
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: this is our first time here and we are enjoying
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: every minute of it. Just wanted to spend a little
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: time with you to talk about some things that are
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: really important to us, so real quickly, I wrote a
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: couple of books, all of them with the Soldier Mom title.
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: But there's some subtitles, and this one is about Memorial Day,
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: and then I have.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: One about heroes.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: And you're going to see why I want to talk
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: about both of these based on our conversation today.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Okay, Soldier mom is so cool because Jody's been deployed
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: before and she's a mother, so she could give parents
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: a really good perspective on what to do if you
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: are a deploying soldier, sailor airman. KOSTI, what are we forgetting?
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: I think we hit them all.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Marine? Do we hit them all? I think we get.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: But any service out there, we don't mean to disrespect you,
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: but well you know, I was Navy, an Army. Jody
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: was army. Sometimes we forget about the other services. But
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: that's besides the point. Are you deploying? Has your significant
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: other deployed? Has your children's other parent deployed? Maybe aunt, uncle,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: grandparent deployed? How can we help families when there's a
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: deployment somewhere in their.
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: Mist So I think it's important if parents don't already
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: know what it means to be deployed, right, So, a
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: deployment for a military person usually means that they are
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: no longer in their home station. They are somewhere else.
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: So there is a difference between a mobilization and a deployment. Right,
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: deployment usually means overseas. Mobilization also means gone, but maybe
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: they're in the United States supporting in a different role.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Either way, it means that some parent is not there,
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: or maybe a caregiver. Maybe it's grandma or an uncle,
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: and maybe they live with them, but somebody significant in
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: their life is gone for an extended period of time.
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: And we're talking it could be anywhere from goodness, three months,
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: which doesn't seem very long, up to a year, sometimes
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: even a little bit longer. So they're missing a lot
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: of birthdays, anniversaries.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Holidays, all these plays, school plays, big games, graduations, all
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: these things that are significant events in our kids' lives.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: So what do we do to help them? And then
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: there's the other side of it.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: What if one of your child's friends has a parent
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: or a grandparent or somebody in their life who is deployed.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: How can you support them?
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  Speaker 4: There's a lot I think there well at first as
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: a parent, As a parent, I would say.
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  Speaker 1: Tell your kids what's going on.
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  Speaker 4: First of all, help them to understand that they are
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: missing a parent, It might not seem like a lot,
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: particularly when they might not like mom and dad right
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: now because they're mad at them because maybe they didn't
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: get out of know extra candy or something. But with
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: that said, you know, kids miss their parents in different ways.
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: And what I would just tell my kids as a parent,
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: if I knew a family that was having a significant
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: person deploy out of their life, is that, hey, listen,
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: let's watch out for Susie or Jack or whoever that is.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: They may be going through a really hard time. You
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: really need to be kind to them, kind of check
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: on them from time to time, make sure they're included
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  Speaker 4: in things because they may just really be missing their
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: parent and they just need a friend to bring them
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: in and include them in things while that parent is gone.
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  Speaker 3: And they may not want to go to a birthday
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  Speaker 3: party because they're sad their parents gone. Is there a
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  Speaker 3: way to encourage the child of the deployed parent to
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  Speaker 3: maybe go to the birthday party when they don't want to,
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  Speaker 3: or do you think it's better to just let them
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  Speaker 3: do what they want?
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  Speaker 4: I think it depends on the kid, right, I think
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  Speaker 4: it really as a parent, you have kids that are
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  Speaker 4: indifferent personalities right, So one kid might it might be
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: appropriate for you to go. No, I think it's a
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  Speaker 4: really good idea to go spend some time with your friends.
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  Speaker 1: I think you really need that. It'll really help you
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  Speaker 1: and you deserve to have some fun.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: Why mom and dad or mom our dad are gone,
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: or whoever's gone. If you have a child that may
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: be a little bit more withdrawal and likes that quiet
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: solitude and that really helps them, then.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe you don't push for it. I like that.
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  Speaker 3: Every child is different, every family is different, in every
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: situation is different.
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  Speaker 1: That's something really important, really important, right, yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Really important. So tell us what soldier mom does in
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: the books.
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  Speaker 4: Oh, so soldier mom in the books. So soldier mom
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  Speaker 4: really really believes in what she's doing. One, she's supporting
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  Speaker 4: her country, she's supporting her community, she's supporting her family.
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  Speaker 4: And of course there's all different ways that that looks.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: But one of the ways it looks is making sure
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  Speaker 4: that we hold on to those traditions, right that America
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: was built on, and one of those traditions was service.
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  Speaker 4: And unfortunately, when you do have service, sometimes we lose
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  Speaker 4: service members. And in that case, and because of that,
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: we America came up with Memorial Day, so we memorialize,
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  Speaker 4: if you will, people who have passed on while doing service.
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  Speaker 4: And in this case, it's a very big holiday for
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: us to talk about, and the tradition is to pay
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  Speaker 4: homage in some way. I'm just going to open this
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  Speaker 4: page real quickly to people who have lost their lives
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  Speaker 4: in service to their country.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 4: I know that sounds like a really big idea, but
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  Speaker 4: these books really gently walk the child and the parent
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  Speaker 4: on how to have this conversation, because it's very important
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  Speaker 4: for us to remember that America was built on sacrifice, loyalty,
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  Speaker 4: service by people, and some of those people lost their
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  Speaker 4: lives and gave the ultimate sacrifice. So and here it
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: talks about how many of us across America do that.
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  Speaker 4: And as long as we're remembering the purpose, that's what's important.
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  Speaker 4: I think for soldier moms, she wants to share that
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  Speaker 4: good news.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like good news.
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  Speaker 4: Because people lost their lives, but the good news is
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  Speaker 4: is we have a lot of Americans that are benefiting
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  Speaker 4: from the freedom that that loss of life was built on.
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  Speaker 3: And another thing that I think is important to talk
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: about is if your child's friend lost a parent, for
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: through military service. Yep, how do you recognize that. I
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: don't know that there's a good right answer for that. Again,
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: I think it really depends on the situation. I have
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: not been in that situation, so I cannot speak.
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  Speaker 4: From experience, but I've had to deliver that news. I've
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  Speaker 4: had friends that I've lost, I've had family members I've lost,
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  Speaker 4: some in service and some not in service.
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  Speaker 1: The loss is still very, very great.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 4: One of the things in Memorial Day that we just
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  Speaker 4: talked about was how that sacrifice is being memorialized, and
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  Speaker 4: several things across the country. There's parades, there are changing
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  Speaker 4: of the guard at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier
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  Speaker 4: in DC.
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  Speaker 1: There's things that happen in Chicago.
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  Speaker 4: A lot of the big cities really do a lot
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  Speaker 4: to really bring the remembrance. Part of why these folks
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  Speaker 4: are important to us. I will also say they're heroes
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  Speaker 4: to us.
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  Speaker 1: Right. That's where they say people that.
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  Speaker 4: Have lost their life for something bigger than themselves, in
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  Speaker 4: this case, selfless service. They gave their own life to
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  Speaker 4: a bigger cause. America another country that we've supported to
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  Speaker 4: be free.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 3: Putting out fires, putting out fires, a police officers rescuing people.
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  Speaker 3: So this book, which is my other book, talks about
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  Speaker 3: heroes and how we have big ones and small ones.
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  Speaker 3: You can be a hero by going and doing in
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  Speaker 3: service to your country. You can also do it by
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  Speaker 3: doing community help, maybe working in a soup kitchen, or
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: maybe working in a food pantry, or even what if
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: you're even little guys can do some kind of hero
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  Speaker 3: heroic action by getting something off of the shelf for
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  Speaker 3: an elderly person that can't reach it in a store.
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  Speaker 3: So they come in big and small gestures, and that's
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  Speaker 3: really important for them to understand as well. You know what,
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  Speaker 3: we are here at the Military Influencers conference, right, and
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: I see so many people and wheelchairs, so many people
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: who have lost lens. So what if parents encourage their
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: children to maybe do some yard work for a disabled.
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  Speaker 1: That right, right, And that's part of it. You know.
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  Speaker 4: One of the things about Soldier Mom talks about in
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  Speaker 4: all the books is not only the service to country,
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  Speaker 4: but the service to her community. And one of the storylines,
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  Speaker 4: as a matter of fact, talks all about supporting veterans
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  Speaker 4: day in a way that she is supporting her community veterans.
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  Speaker 4: That's another way to give back. It doesn't have to
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  Speaker 4: be in uniform. It could be, like I said, in
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  Speaker 4: big and small ways.
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  Speaker 3: That's right. It doesn't take a lot. Sometimes maybe just
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  Speaker 3: passing out bottles of water to veterans in a parade
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  Speaker 3: that shows support.
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  Speaker 4: And it doesn't even you don't even have to just
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  Speaker 4: be about veterans. It could be about your next door
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  Speaker 4: neighbor needs there. Maybe you live in someplace that gets
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: ten inches of snow in one blow.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I don't. I live in this house. That's right.
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  Speaker 4: But with that said, go shovel the neighbors sidewalk because
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: maybe they can't, maybe they're shut in. Maybe you bring
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: them dinner one night, or you bring in the mail
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  Speaker 4: for them. These little things are could lift the spirits
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  Speaker 4: of those individuals and you become a hero in their minds.
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  Speaker 3: At okay, we started talking today about the employing parents.
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  Speaker 3: So how can another family help a family who is
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: going through this whole deployment thing.
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  Speaker 1: I love that because we can tie this together.
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  Speaker 4: So remember we're talking about being a hero in big
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  Speaker 4: and small ways. What if you're teaching your kids to
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: reach out to a family that has a deployed parent
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  Speaker 4: and by just supporting them, Hey is there something I
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: can do around the house to help. I know you're
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: a couple of hands down. I can cut the grass,
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: I can rank hey, I can take Susie down to
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: the playground for it.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: I'm I could babysit for your kids to give you
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: two hours to yourself.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Who mom wouldn't love that? Or what dad?
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Or you know, hey, whatever, Well, any parent would like
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: that even if they have both parents at home. But
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: now imagine mom is deployed. Dad's home with the kids
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: by himself, and that most dads don't have to be
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: mom and dad at the same time. How big would
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: it be for dad to get a babysitter to come
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: in so he could go play golf with the boys.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, that'd be great.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: And not that we don't live our dads. We think
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: they're very, very important, but we know we do know
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: statistically for a mom to be deployed it does create
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: some different kind of ripples throughout the family household.
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  Speaker 3: That's right, because face it, kids need their mommies. They
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: carried them for nine months, they've rocked them, they've held them,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: they've done everything for them. Most dads are more the
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: play monsters, right, and now dad.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Is the nurturer. He has to do everything. He has
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: to do everything.
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  Speaker 3: How many dads cook dinner every night, wake the kids
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: up to go to school, give them baths at night,
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: and not that they care, they're their kids, but they
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: weren't built the same way moms were. And it's not
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: saying that when dad leaves, mom doesn't need help. I'm
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: just saying, sometimes we forget we need to support the
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: dads at home because mom's getting deployed. It's really kind
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: of a new thing, isn't it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it is.
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  Speaker 4: And you know, women only make up somewhere between fifteen
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: and twenty percent.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Is a dad much It was eleven when I was in.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: At the max amount when we're completely recruited and we're
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: full max I've ever seen is around nineteen and a
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: half percent. So it's fluctuated, but yeah, I mean, ever,
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: that's the highest and all the years that we have served.
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: So it is normally dad that deploys right exactly, and.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I understand that.
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  Speaker 4: And we're not saying one of the either is better
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: or worse. What we're saying is when mom deploys, it
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: does change the dynamics in the family households significantly, So
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: we want to really reach out to the dads until
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: they kind of get a hang of it because.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: They're doing everything right, and I mean in a living way.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: Well, and Dad's most likely still have to go to
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: work every day yep, and do all the dad stuff
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: and mom's stuff is overwhelming. Okay, Mom's think about it.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Is your job overwhelming even when dad's around. Now, picture
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: dad doing everything that you do without training, and.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: He loves his kids. He does, he does.
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  Speaker 4: Listen, I'll give you a little bit experience from my
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: point of view. I have deployed multiple times and Dad
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: did have to stay home and be dead. But guess what,
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: my mom in law and my dad in law came
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: and helped, and that could not have been the best
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: situation more than anything else I've ever seen.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Grandma Roro for being there for my kids.
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: Because dad did have to work and he had a
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: very strenuous job. He was law enforcement and he was
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: gone these crazy kind of shift hours and things happened,
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: you know, and she was there. That's what we're talking
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: about in this instance. We want parents to know that
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: they have other resources. My case, I had in laws
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: that came to help in other cases, maybe your kids
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: are the neighbors to the people that are deployed, and
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: that's where they.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Can kind of assist and help out. That's right.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: It takes a village, regardless of who is deploying. It
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: takes a village to surround this family with love so
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: they know they're supported and taken care of. Because when
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: you are the soldier deployed, you want to know your
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: family is taken care of. When we're deployed, we're out
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: there doing very hard jobs in very strange places.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: The word austere comes to mind.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: And to know that our families are cared for back home,
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: that we don't have to worry about who's cooking dinner.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: We don't have to worry about mom needing a break
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: because she's been twenty four to seven with the kids
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: for weeks on end. We don't have to worry about
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: who's going to take the kids to the.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Doctor when mom is sick?
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: Right, think about that, what happens if mom gets sick,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: Dad's deployed, Who's taking care of the littles. It takes
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: a village, And that's all we want everybody to know.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Is there a family in your community going through this?
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Or I joined the military and got deployed. It never
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: occurred to me what was going on in these families
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: when dad deployed or or I'll tell you, most moms
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: didn't deploy back in the early eighties. They got kicked
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: out of the military when they got pregnant. This is
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: something that has really just become with mom getting deployed
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: since what maybe Desert Storm.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say Desert Storm.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: It was really when it became an I don't want
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: to say in vogue, but really became a presence, right,
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: we didn't know what to do with like female POWs
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: because we had them exactly was the first time they
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: had I mean there were a few before that, but
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: very very very rare. This is really when it became
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: more prevalent because there were more females serving in units
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: that wore you know out, you know, combating the enemy.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: And this is something that most civilian families never think
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: of unless you live in a military community or someone
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: in your family has been in the military. So we're
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: just trying to bring awareness to what the family goes through,
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: what your service members go through, what your veterans have
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: been through, so you could help support your community and
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: be the hero, and.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Be the hero, and be the hero. Be the hero.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: One meal at a time, one hour of babysitting at
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: a time, or maybe just taking the kids to the
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: park so mom could have a bath or dad or
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: dad yeah, or maybe dad just needs an app.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Could be a nap and a snack. It works for me.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: What we'd like to know is how Sparko, Feathers and
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Princess Franci can add to this conversation with Soldier Mom.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Did we strike something with you today that caused you
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: to take a moment and say, hey, I never thought
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: about that. Please put something in the comments and let
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: us know what resonated with you. We are going to
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: be collaborating on a book. Soldier Mom is coming to
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: Camp Confidence to talk to the kids about mom deploying.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: What would be valuable information for us to bring to
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: the children. To your children who have never experienced a
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: military employment deployment.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Or maybe they have, we would like to hear from
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: you too, Right.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Have your kids experiencing military deployment? What would have been
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: valuable information to them before mom or dad left? Yeah,
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: so that is what we are asking you. Help us
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: make our collaborative venture more meaningful for the people who
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: can get the benefits, so we can make a bigger
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: impact for you. And now a public service announcement.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: For all authors.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: Please go to Amazon. You could get our books on
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Kindel for a dollar or two.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: And please leave a review.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: It doesn't take but two minutes to leave us a
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: review and it means the world to us. And if
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: for me, you won't hurt my feelings if it's not
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: a five star review, give me honest feedback, because I
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: have twelve more books to write and I take feedback seriously.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: It will hurt my feet, no, but I would really
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: love your feedback.
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: So yes, a book ninety nine is basically what it
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: cost you to get a kindle and two minutes of
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: your time.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: So we would love to hear from you.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: Yes we would. And this is parents talk. Is signing
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: off till next time by two