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Simple Self Love During Divorce - Part 2 · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate the podcast, finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sally Ann Hartnell, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: In soulful, deeply supportive DNMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also like to acknowledge that this podcast is recorded on the traditional lands of the Wurundri people and pay my respects to elders past, present, and emerging and acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate and part two of Simple Self-Love during divorce and beyond.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as I said in part one of this podcast mini series, self-care is or self-love, I'm sorry, is really never ever more important than during periods of high stress.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And let's face it, there's not many more stressful events in life than a relationship breakdown, a separation, a divorce.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So your self-care, your self-love needs to be high on your priority list.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, right up there with breathing.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not joking.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So here are a few more tips to support you in loving and caring for yourself while you navigate your separation, move through your divorce, and even beyond.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number 16.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Power nap.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Discover the joy of a self-loving power nap.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: A nap of between 10 and 20 minutes is actually sufficient to start to ease your sleep debt, especially for anyone who struggles to sleep at night.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: These are best taken before 2 pm.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Napping also has a whole lot of other benefits, including improvements in mood, yay, alertness, attention, and memory.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: So with all of those beautiful self-loving benefits, it is time to show yourself some love, snuggle up, snooze, embrace the power of a power nap.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number 17.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Soak up some sunshine.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Especially in the winter or in the darker, colder climates, 15 minutes of sunshine on your skin is a magic mini gift of love to yourself.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you needed a reason beyond the fact that the sun just feels good, exposure to sunlight does actually increase the brain's release of serotonin, which lifts your mood, helps you feel more calm, helps you feel more focused.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, in Australia, sunscreen is important, but soak up those rays, feel them warming you, feel them soothing you, feel them helping you to dial down your reactivity, regulate your nervous system, and feel them as a form of self-love.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Number 18 is scent.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, scent is another really powerful elevator of mood.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So light a candle, light your oil burner, buy a bunch of flowers that smell beautiful, pick some from your mum or your neighbour's garden to bring inside.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Added bonus there, of course, they look pretty, and you can feast your eyes on them for another dose of self-love.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Splash around some essential oils.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can try peppermint or cinnamon to boost your mood, jasmine or chamomile, help calm and ease tension.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm no expert on essential oils, so do your research.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Also, just put on your favourite perfume.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Don't save it for special, use it every single day and really breathe it in when you apply it or at times through the day.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: More difficult because you get used to the scent, but when you first apply it over morning, breathe it in.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Apply that perfume in a really self-loving, self-nurturing, self-honouring way.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: My number 19 tip for self-loving tips is to laugh.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Laughter really is one of the best medicines, one of the best soul-filling gifts we can give ourselves.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: So show yourself a whole lot of loving by finding a way to make yourself laugh.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Read or watch or do something that will trigger a giggle.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you if you have to, you can actually fake it till you make it.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Pretend laughter, just like a pretend smile, actually triggers your brain and very often then turns into the real thing because it's so silly to pretend laugh.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: There is strong, there is strong scientific evidence that a forced smile or a fake laugh can actually trick the brain into thinking it's the real deal and therefore have a similar effect on your mood, boosting your self-love.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So give yourself the self-loving gift of a good belly laugh.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number 20 play.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just five minutes.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Gift yourself five minutes of your day to be silly.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have kids, you can do this with your kids or do it without.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Play, you can play a childhood favourite game.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Twister's a classic, you're bound to end up laughing when you play Twister.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Silla sing sill sing, I'm sure.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, sing a silly song.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's really hard to say.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sing a silly song, do a silly dance, just play and be silly.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can also just recall one of your favourite childhood activities.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Go go with your kids or go by yourself to the park and swing on the swing as high as you can.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Climb up a tree, draw, paint, whatever it is.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Build a blanket for it with your kids and have a s or have a sleep out in your own backyard.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Play.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Bring back in the self-loving gift of play to your everyday.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: See if you can find five minutes of your day just to invest in play.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number 21.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Splurge.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself the gift, the self-love, and splurge.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Splurge on yourself.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now it doesn't have to be a month-long holiday in the Maldives or dinner at the most expensive restaurant, but it absolutely can be that 100%.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, it could be the fancy chocolate shop near near work.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Buy one chocolate to treat yourself at the end of the day, and just savour it slowly, self-loving, self-lovingly.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: It might be one piece of your favourite fruit, fresh fig, the perfect peach.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Eva's just sent me a text message with the um a picture of lycheese, which we both love for$50 a kilo.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Buy one.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Buy one and savour it self-lovingly.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Eat it slowly, indulge yourself and splurge.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And sure, if it is your thing, have a massage.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I love a massage and I I do splurge on them.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Have a massage or a facial, get your haircut, manicure, pedicure, buy a new outfit, lingerie, or a pair of jeans.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, save fruit if you need to, but make you a budget, a priority, I'm sorry, somewhere in your budget, whether it is the one single lychee, the one chocolate, or the designer outfit that you save for and covet, splurge.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Love and value yourself enough to occasionally splurge in whatever way suits you and your choices, decisions, and your lifestyle.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Investing in your own self-love shows you in tangible ways that you are important and you are special.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: So invest in whatever it is that lights you up.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Self-loving tip number two, two, twenty-two we're up to.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Goodness, sorry.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Connect.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hang out with your favorite people because hanging out with your people is actually vital for your well-being.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: They lift you up, they make you laugh, they make you they make you cry, they allow you to cry without judgment.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: They know you and they love you for exactly who you are.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: They've seen you, they've shared space with you, probably at your best and sometimes at your worst, but hanging out with them fills your cup, and it is an act of self-love to hang out and connect with your people.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: So do identify those people and relationships that bring you joy, that fill you up, that light your that light up your soul and your heart and make time for them.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can also be adventurous and find some new people to spend time with.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And also on the flip side of that is disconnect from those who don't light you up, disconnect from those who are heavy on your heart.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself the gift of love by connecting deeply with those who uplift you, that support you, love you, and also the self-loving gift of letting go of those who don't.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: My next tip for self-love through separation, divorce, and beyond is to find your flow.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when I talk about flow, I'm talking about that that state of being where you are wrapped and enveloped or just completely in the present.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're entirely in the present.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: That that state where we are more creative and more productive.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but most importantly, we're happy.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's the state where you lose everything else and you are just in the moment.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So find whatever it is that takes you into your state of flow and love yourself enough to actively set time aside for whatever that thing is.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Set that time aside and fiercely protect that block of time self-lovingly so that you know that you have time each day or each week for whatever it is that takes you into flow, takes you into your flow state.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: My next tip for self-love is daydream.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Allow yourself the time and space, gift yourself lovingly time to just sit or lie somewhere quiet and dream.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let go of all the churning, the to-do lists, everything that's going on in your brain, and just allow yourself to dream.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you can't find somewhere quiet, plug your headphones in, choose some meditative or ambient sort of music that takes you away, that allows you to shut out the world, and just allow your thoughts to drift.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Drift to the future, dream, daydream, dream big.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself the loving gift of opening yourself up to dreaming again.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Next tip while connection and community and other people are awesome, I also really encourage you to self-lovingly seek some solitude.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, at my core, I'm an introvert, and time alone in my own space, recharging and reconnecting to myself, processing solo is really as important to me as breathing.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love my people, don't get me wrong, I love being with my my humans, my favourite humans, but I also need some time alone.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But not everybody feels this way, I know.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I also know to be true that while you're navigating such a massive and emotional transition as separation or divorce or even healing afterwards, everyone benefits from a little bit of solitude.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So it allows you to gather your thoughts, it allows you to listen to yourself, to tune into your body, to reconnect with yourself, recalibrate your emotions, helps you dial down your nervous system, your reactivity, and just get your get some of your mental and emotional admin done.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So learning and learning to be comfortable in our own company, understanding who you are as a single person, reconnecting to who you were before your relationship, finding out who you are, who you who you are not, even, and who you want to be is a really powerful way of showing yourself some deep self-love, showing yourself some love.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I encourage you, even if it's something that is uncomfortable for you, you don't like it, you don't enjoy it, do set aside or seek some time for solitude.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favourite self-love activities is breaking the rules, especially, especially as a parent.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this taps back into the self-love of play.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: The self-love of allowing yourself to break the rules is friggin' amazing.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Eat ice cream for dinner, stay in your PJs all day, take a mental health day, stay in bed reading, pick the kids up early for school, or don't take them at all.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't say that.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just once, just occasionally.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Drive to a favourite spot for afternoon tea, ice cream, or dinner, whatever it is.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Watch TV in the bed, in your bed, in the daytime, drink a glass of wine at lunchtime.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever your life rules, whatever whatever rules in Inverto Commas you impose on yourself and your family, question them occasionally.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And allow yourself the self-love, the self-loving luxury of breaking those rules.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Breaking the rules feels amazing.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it might just be that you then start to question why you have those rules and if you still need to have them in this new season of your life.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: My last two self-love tips are about permission.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to say no.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to say no thank you without guilt, without shame, without excuse.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Allow no or no thanks to be a complete sentence.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself the gift of being comfortable in saying no.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: It is one of the most self-loving things that you can do.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Don't overload yourself with all the shoulds.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Don't explain to anyone why you need to say no thank you or why you're saying no thank you.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love means protecting and preserving your time and your energy for what's most important to you.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: So get comfortable or lean into the discomfort if you're not comfortable, saying no, saying no, thank you, won't be there for dinner, can't make that meeting, I can't be at that event, I'm not able to be involved in that committee.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, thank you.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually not available to look after your kids this weekend.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not able to swap plans with you, co-parent, and no, thank you.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need visitors on my weekend without my kids.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is for you, love yourself enough to say a simple, gracious no, no thank you without having to justify, explain, or rationalise why you're saying no.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Be self-loving, say no.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the flip side of that is self-lovingly say yes.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: When people offer you help and support, that is the kind that you want and need, say yes.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: People want to help you and support you, and sometimes they don't quite know how to do that or what you most need.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if somebody offers to pick up your kids from school and drop them home and it would ease your load, say yes.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, please.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: If a friend offers to drop around a meal, mow your lawn, shout you a drink, or take you out for dinner, say yes.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're not offering out of pity, they're offering because they love you, they care for you, and they want they want to help love and support you.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: So do the self-loving thing, accept their offer and say yes.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes self-love means saying yes and accepting the love of others.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, not all of these strategies are going to apply to you or work for you, so pick the ones that resonate, make a little list if that helps, and keep it handy as a reference.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, if you would like deeper support to create a more self-loving experience for yourself while you navigate your separation, while you're going through your divorce or afterwards, please reach out to me.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to help you.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to support you to build self-love into your everyday so that you can fly beautifully, graciously solo after your divorce.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: And to deeply support you to do that until the end of February, I'm offering my special self-love bundle, which is a 90-minute session, one-on-one with me, and a whole bunch of other resources and bonuses, you can book until the end of Feb and you can book a session right through until the end of March.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: $395 Australian dollars, which is a really cost-effective way of working with me to deepen your self-love practice and build it into your everyday sustainably going forward.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: So, if that's something that you would like to explore, there's a link in the show notes to book a session.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I would love, love to support you to do that.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at ReflectCoaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you follow the podcast in the preview's episode so we can get in the list of all events just like you already reclaimed a little bit of some.