Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / AUTISM in GIRLS: 5 Social Anxiety Traits (YOU need to know)

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AUTISM in GIRLS: 5 Social Anxiety Traits (YOU need to know) · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

0:05
Hey guys, in today's podcast. I'm interviewing Charles Davis
0:09
from MTV's just to two of us. She just recently started a
0:12
YouTube channel. She is female on the Spectrum
0:15
with the diagnosis of ASD and she comes on my channel and we
0:21
did an interview video interview about all the things like
0:24
related to female traits are on social anxiety, and I found that
0:27
very very fascinating into the great insight.
0:30
So this audio recording is from a video but it's tailored to
0:33
make it more for the podcast. So don't worry about any kind of
0:36
video references in there. Also, just let you guys know
0:39
that the secret podcast will be having an interview with a mum
0:43
of a guy who has Asperger's Syndrome.
0:46
She's also occurred credited by Webster Stratton.
0:49
She's got different parenting course criteria called vacations
0:53
and stuff like that and she runs mindfulness group for parents
0:55
with kids on the Spectrum and other types of disabilities.
0:59
She's Cool woman and that interview is coming next Monday.
1:04
So the secret podcast next Monday, we'll include that
1:07
interview. If you haven't already signed up
1:10
to the three dollars a month payment plan for the secret
1:13
podcast. You can do that at patreon.com
1:16
forward slash the ask me world and that's patreon.com forward
1:21
slash the ask me world. You can get the link on my
1:24
YouTube page. If you just go to youtube.com
1:27
forward slash the ask me world and then if you look at the
1:29
Links at the Side, you'll see a patreon link.
1:31
It's like a little orange P click that and you'll find that
1:34
it's gonna be super awesome also lined up.
1:36
We have an occupational therapist interview, which is
1:38
going to be amazing and also an interview with the son of the
1:42
lady who has Asperger's Syndrome himself, and it was really cool
1:46
to interview him to see how his mum's parenting techniques
1:49
helped him growing up. Anyway, let's get on with this
1:52
podcast Charles Davis from MTV's just to two of us check it out.
1:57
The video is also on the YouTube page if you want to see that
1:59
video. And get any links in
2:00
description. I hope you enjoy this podcast.
2:07
In this video, we're gonna be looking at autism in girls and
2:10
specifically five social anxiety trait coming up.
2:13
Hey, I'm done. I have Asperger's Syndrome ADHD
2:15
and OCD. Dyslexia.
2:17
I make weekly content. So if you're new around here and
2:19
want to learn more consider subscribing.
2:21
Hey guys, I'm Charles and I have a diagnosis of autism.
2:24
And today. I'm going to be sharing some
2:25
personal experience of my social anxiety traits.
2:30
Hey guys, welcome back to the astral world.
2:31
I'm super awesome to actually have a guest here today.
2:33
This is the first collab. I've done this year.
2:36
I've never had another. Influencer so shawl is actually
2:40
quite well known for her MTV show on just to two of us.
2:44
Also. She runs a really cool Instagram
2:45
account, but importantly she's launching a YouTube channel.
2:48
One of the things we want to do is talk about autism and girls
2:50
and different things. So we decided to talk about
2:52
social anxiety since it's such a huge issue or it's a big well
2:56
talk about topic but I feel like it's not as talk about for
2:59
girls. You know, I feel like some
3:00
always male-dominated as always meals kind of doing this that
3:03
and the other so we're literally talking about Charles per second
3:06
perspective of of those traits and her personal insight and
3:09
things like that because I think that's going to be really
3:10
valuable to all of you guys. So we're going to go through
3:12
five different things and just really sum it up by the end of
3:14
it and talk about our discussion.
3:16
And if you want to jump in at any single time and add anything
3:19
in put it in the comment section below and give this video a
3:21
thumbs up if you're enjoying this type of contest.
3:24
So number one is masking Soul Shard you want to take us
3:27
through a little bit about masking and some of your
3:29
personal insight and experience that so one of the things that
3:31
affect me is masking and this is something that I'd say most
3:36
women do on the Actually, I'm is really really common trait.
3:40
And basically it's hiding your traits and pretending to be a
3:46
version of yourself that is socially acceptable masking and
3:49
hiding my traits so that the other person can't suspect
3:53
anything odd or weird or anything.
3:55
And what I tend to do is I copy and mimic other people's
3:59
behavior so that I can represent a socially acceptable version of
4:04
myself. We do set up this as you pick up
4:06
masking. And from watching like TV and
4:08
film because there's an interesting topic like would you
4:11
say that you learn social kind of masking from like mimicking
4:16
people are moving. It's basically from use of being
4:19
rejected socially and so you take characteristics from other
4:23
people you're adopting other people's behavior and
4:25
characteristics and applying it to your own.
4:28
It's basically just lying prone on a front you so you're
4:30
pretending to be somebody else you're pretending to be
4:34
something that is socially acceptable so that you can
4:36
connect with Yeah, but then you actually hiding your true self.
4:40
What kind of effect is what kind of factors does this actually
4:43
masking have on user person. So if you go through your day
4:45
and your masking also, you're not being comfortable in your
4:47
own skin and you're not being you what kind of effect what
4:50
repercussions cannot have. Well that's had massive
4:52
repercussions on me, especially as an adult because over the
4:55
years. I've it's something that I've
4:57
done so long that you start to lose sense of self and this
5:02
actually led to me having identity problems because I was
5:05
hiding my traits so so often and putting on this front where I
5:10
was somebody completely different just to fit in that I
5:14
didn't know who I actually was most fascinating because I think
5:17
one of the main factors for why females have been not as
5:21
diagnosed as meals is because masking is a parent and they
5:24
say, oh, well, you know, they're fine here the find there or
5:26
whatever, you know, it's weird that it's now what like masking
5:30
was a thing that we didn't even know existed but is now that
5:33
we're able to put an actual name to it and say it's a thing like
5:36
that quite fun. It's a very tricky thing as
5:38
well. And I know that there's not a
5:41
lot out there on women on the Spectrum specially so that's why
5:45
I'm doing my bit to raise awareness.
5:46
But the reason it's a tricky thing is because it's a massive
5:49
trait but it also goes against being diagnosed.
5:53
So if you're actively seeking a diagnosis, then you're so good
5:57
at hiding it that sometimes not even a professional can diagnose
6:00
you because you can't see it. Yeah, so good it especially as
6:04
an adult as well on the Spectrum you get so used to her.
6:07
Hiding your traits that you are now This brilliant actress that
6:11
you didn't even know. And another thing about masking.
6:13
Is that like you develop coping or like work around strategies,
6:17
right? So this is this is something I
6:18
find fascinating. So in terms of like a lot of
6:21
people say, oh I got and diagonal so x amount of years
6:23
and they say, oh, I didn't know you had an issue with that, but
6:25
then they make like work around coping mechanisms.
6:27
For instance. Like if you are you didn't like
6:29
I didn't want to talk you anxiety talking on the phone to
6:31
order pizza. Yeah.
6:32
So anytime we could be anywhere with you on all the PT and
6:34
always say too many are can you do for us I just got to go to
6:36
the I'm just going to go to do something Allison behaviors.
6:41
I am absolutely the worst place in the world to pick up the
6:45
phone and I can't make conversation on the phone.
6:48
I can't do anything that requires an immediate response
6:52
because I find eyes is far too much pressure.
6:54
So I'll let somebody else do it or for example, if I have to pay
6:58
for an item, I'll let somebody else do it.
7:00
You know, it's little things. Yeah.
7:02
Yeah. Definitely.
7:03
I think that it just fascinates me and I think that this is one
7:05
of the reasons why we're having a huge gap in the market females
7:08
to males being actually diagnosed but I think that Gap
7:11
is small getting smaller and smaller and often so having
7:13
things like the national autistic Society have a new
7:16
program of training program for autism and girls that's really
7:19
good and people like yourself doing more.
7:20
Advocacy on it's gonna be awesome.
7:22
Okay. So number two is selective
7:24
mutism to want to talk to us a bit about selective mutism.
7:27
Yeah selective mutism. It's something that affects me
7:30
mainly when I'm in groups of people so one-to-one speaking to
7:34
somewhere and I'm pretty good. I'm actually a pretty Great,
7:37
especially if we've got something in common to talk
7:39
about otherwise, not really not to say anything.
7:44
This is actually something that led to my diagnosis because
7:49
while I was away filming for MTV, I went out for a meal as a
7:52
group with some of the other artists and I literally became
7:57
stuck I was trapped inside of myself and it got to a point
8:01
where I was so overwhelmed by everything in mirror in my
8:05
environment and socially Lee that I physically couldn't speak
8:10
and it's hard because when you're trying to explain this to
8:14
someone because you have to be in that situation to experience
8:17
it and because there's no way they can test it really so
8:20
awesome design. How often do you say that you
8:22
experience kind of selective mutism and what type of
8:25
situations would you experience it?
8:27
And probably we and I've been like for some bizarre reason it
8:32
tends to be more around people my own age.
8:35
I'm not sure if that's because You know people our age maybe I
8:38
think it's because maybe you feel like expected to be a
8:41
certain way. You're on the people AG act to
8:43
act a certain way and behave a certain way.
8:45
Yeah and not be. Yeah and and the extent I think
8:48
is that we being that kind of like typical person when you're
8:50
not typical person something you might feel like, you know, I
8:53
can't contribute to this situation.
8:55
So you just kind of move climb up as something I don't I'm just
8:57
trying to figure out but it's fascinating.
8:59
I like I've experienced it and it wasn't until you'd said it to
9:01
me. We were like what's up in
9:02
talking about doing this video and talk about different things.
9:04
These are so for me to them and I've experienced this when I Go
9:07
to Naomi's mum's house and we have like another do a family
9:10
dinner like a family dinners. Oh my God, just like a weird and
9:13
then always just was like Danny don't speak like you don't why
9:16
do you engage with who I am speaking of Mike?
9:18
I have no idea. Like I know I feel like this
9:21
pressure there to have to be social and to have to make
9:26
conversation and then you're applying even more pressure on
9:29
yourself. Yeah, and it's it just it just
9:31
spirals down to okay. This is never gonna happen.
9:34
I don't know I guess like I always have this really Hence
9:38
fear of being judged on anything I say so then it gets to the
9:42
point where it's so bad and I've climbed up so much that
9:45
anything. I do actually say like any
9:47
sentence I can actually go out and give myself a little pat on
9:50
the back. I mean, yes, I totally get that.
9:54
I mean I can appreciate that and you know, it's difficult thing
9:56
to overcome. So I mean, maybe you are
9:58
noticing this in say you're a parent watching this or a
10:00
guardian or a loved one or whether and you're noticing
10:02
these kind of traits and somebody it's quite interesting
10:04
in future come across this for the first time then it may be
10:06
possible that they are. Have a special condition because
10:08
I find this is very valuable. Okay.
10:10
So number three is making small talk and this one I kind of
10:14
rings to me as well. I know a lot about kind of like
10:16
how it's difficult to make small talk when having a special
10:19
condition because that is just like it's super difficult.
10:21
So do not talk a bit about your box experiencing and being a
10:24
female and special sure. I mean like A lot of people
10:27
would probably doubt this and a lot of people that have met me
10:29
personally and that's because I mean I will make the effort to
10:34
trap to them but what I'm actually doing is running off a
10:37
script of stuff I've learnt to say over the years that is
10:43
socially acceptable and I'm just repeating myself basically in
10:47
every conversation with every single person because I when
10:50
that script runs out, what do I say now?
10:54
Yeah, I can totally I can talk. You were late.
10:56
And like I have a few things I talk about one.
10:58
I'll talk about SEO people and then another one they're not
11:01
interesting that I'm like, okay. Well, I'll talk about politics
11:03
because I know a lot of politics right and it's a lunches our
11:05
politics are kind of all out. You know, there's so many
11:07
Sesame. I was somewhat cars and like
11:10
there's no way there's like noise conversations going to go
11:12
in with like finding those situations are like the punk
11:14
situations are like, oh where am I going to do?
11:16
It's because it's what I like. I mean, it's a common autistic
11:18
trait that people go Does intend to speak about themselves and
11:22
speak about their interests and then you've also got that in
11:25
fact the way you have to actively try to pretend to be
11:28
interested in that other person went actually don't care you
11:31
don't care. Okay, and it's not that you
11:33
know, I care in person. It's just that you you're very
11:36
strict on your interests and Iceman.
11:38
We enjoy talking about. It's really very very
11:41
interesting and I love kind of having conversations with other
11:43
autistic individuals because you kind of relate some so much and
11:46
it's interesting because I think you go through life.
11:48
Just think these things yourself when you talk something like I
11:50
yeah. I mean because I was right
11:53
because we can talk about the things because we have that kind
11:55
of common ground but it's interesting when you with their
11:57
typical people who want to talk about like cars work and going
12:00
out. It's like so weird and
12:01
especially like, I mean, I don't have typical interest the girls
12:05
have for example having my nails done or what no idea what to
12:10
talk. It's totally true like so I
12:13
don't drink alcohol Nick a lot of guys.
12:15
I love drinking beer and all this stuff.
12:16
So if I me like know he's family members or other they talk about
12:19
beer and drinking like Play the out left field here.
12:21
I have no idea what's going on. You know, like it just it's
12:23
really difficult. I think it's probably more
12:25
difficult. four people The feed yeah.
12:29
Yeah, maybe because they're trying to talk about because
12:32
yeah, they must think I mean they must be able to sense when
12:35
I'm not actually interesting because well look, I mean it's
12:38
like you said it's a very typical tree of autism and I
12:40
feel that like, if you're experiencing this yourself and
12:43
you can relate to this then this is definitely the video for you
12:46
that leaves a comment down below as well.
12:47
If your screen since I love to talk to people about the
12:49
different types of experiences, they're having okay.
12:51
So number four is fear of socializing and this is this is
12:56
a huge one. I mean socializing for anybody
12:58
on the Spectrum Very difficult situation, especially the people
13:00
you don't know and if it's a large group people, so let me
13:03
know what you know, what how do you experience that fear of
13:05
social as well? Could notice because like I said
13:11
earlier hiding traits and this applies to this one massively
13:14
because I'm basically absolutely I've get like a lump in my
13:18
throat and I feel absolute dread when I know that I have to be
13:22
social with someone or speak to someone on a personal level and
13:25
it's not because they're not interested people.
13:27
It's just because I generally am extremely intimidated by people
13:32
when I when I first meet them as well.
13:35
So yeah, it just builds up. And tissues as well.
13:40
Do you feel like it it kind of builds up a frustration or
13:43
anger? So like if you're forced to be
13:45
in social situations, you also have a fear of it and then
13:47
masking comes into play. Does that have a kickback like,
13:50
oh my goodness, you know because because with me because it's
13:52
different because the male's inspector.
13:54
I just I just don't know if I'm the situation where people
13:56
expect something of you we don't we don't really technical have
13:59
that masking ability, I guess because you know the female and
14:02
male brains do work slightly differently in that respect.
14:05
And I think that I think it's because like in general women
14:08
are Are more socially aware, I think right.
14:11
Yeah, so I mean it would really matter to me what other people
14:15
thought so, I know that matters anyway, no, but the thing that
14:19
you think about that moment in time if you like, okay, I need
14:21
to get through this and I need to do this and again masking
14:24
comes into play but I'm wondering like does that have a
14:26
kickback? So you do the you know, you do
14:29
masking you go. If Isis also fearful situation
14:31
of socializing then like later on a home deserve a kick in the
14:34
head and just yeah, absolutely. So like anything that Happens
14:39
like any any social event that happens during the day.
14:42
I will go home and I will release it and think about it
14:44
and I'll think like well I shouldn't have said that I
14:47
should have said it differently or perhaps did I offend that
14:49
person and and and then it just it just makes you so scared of
14:53
just socializing. But yeah and you're trying to do
14:57
it. Yeah because you just think that
14:59
I'm useless at this and I'm going to fail so then you just
15:02
instils an absolute fear in you and I don't know what it is.
15:05
I don't know because it makes me so scared too.
15:08
Connect with other people. I know I think it's because the
15:11
unpredictability of people because you don't have people
15:13
don't react to anything. I think that it's the fears that
15:15
I don't know how they're gonna react and you know, I just take
15:18
me ages to figure this out and working on this channel and
15:20
working with professionals is how I've come to a conclusion
15:22
but I think is think the intense fear as well comes from being
15:25
socially rejected over the years.
15:26
No I could you rejected so often you get you stuff you get yeah,
15:31
and then it gets to a point where I mean, I wasn't treated
15:34
very well in school. I was quite bullied in school
15:36
for being The Quiet One believe it or not.
15:38
And then Even more scared of speaking because it was a bigger
15:41
thing. Yeah, that's crazy.
15:42
But like and that that is the things, you know schools are
15:45
probably the worst place like typical mainstream school kids
15:47
can be mean as heck. So this doesn't help especially
15:49
for females who are trying the best of mask it because again
15:52
the females the so clever in the way that you know female with
15:56
autism is like you said, they're trying to do all these things
15:58
and then the guys are just like lazy typically in that respect.
16:02
They don't try those things because I have no idea why
16:03
that's how it works and I just find it.
16:05
It's crazy because bullies should be so horrible,
16:07
especially someone who's already trying To have this you know,
16:09
that's creepy. Really when you have to make the
16:11
active effort as well you have said and I mean as people on the
16:15
Spectrum we do actively have to make more of an effort than the
16:17
average person because it does it requires a lot more take away
16:21
more effort to like do things go on like this the store and
16:23
picking something up is like way more effort involved for someone
16:26
else is going to be free typical person because of all that
16:28
interaction the lights sound to stimulate the people socializing
16:31
the then cup in the money that the whirring the anxiety of just
16:34
being outside like it's all of those things out there for
16:37
nothing. It's just Pretty it's a number
16:39
five is isolating or isolation. I'm talking about the watch how
16:43
you isolate yourself and actually means so I mean, this
16:46
is probably a follow-on from the fear of socializing because what
16:48
happens is you get such a big fear of socializing that you
16:52
become socially avoidant and this can lead to other mental
16:56
illnesses as well like depression for example, but
16:59
sometimes you know what I can be at home and I can be really I
17:02
can feel really low in myself because my social life is gone
17:05
out the window because I've just I've just not got the The energy
17:09
to be able to invest in that because busy during the day and
17:12
then what happens is I avoid everyone I start to become
17:16
depressed. Yeah, because it's kind of a
17:18
catch-22. You don't want to go out because
17:20
you're feeling kind of a fear of like the social anxiety is
17:23
definitely you feel like you can take more effort but then you
17:24
don't go out and do those things you become a bit more recluse
17:27
and it gets worse and it kind of plays in your mind in you and
17:30
then your mood starts to dip and then you just on a downward
17:32
spiral. Also another thing as well.
17:34
Like I mean, I for example I can go out with my friends right
17:37
now. I have an amazing.
17:38
Some time out of my friends with a great laugh and then I'll come
17:42
home and I'll just cry and it's because like you said earlier
17:47
all those environmental factors everything.
17:50
Yeah everything. That's your all the information
17:52
your brain is trying to process it one time.
17:55
It gets to a point where if you want to see me, you're just
17:57
going to have to come to my house.
17:59
I'll do with the fact that text messages are the way to go but
18:01
like that and you know that I interviewed a guy I was doing a
18:05
collaboration video with a guy called Kevin Chapman who's a
18:07
really big YouTuber an Autism Advocate on the on the platform
18:11
and Kevin's got a son called Andy who has autism and he said
18:14
to me that every day and become every Monday and he would come
18:17
home from school and just throw up like like every Monday you
18:20
can't throw up and he said well it's going on no no other day
18:22
just the Monday come home throw up on the floor and he said damn
18:25
what's going on? I said, well, he's had you know,
18:27
Friday evening Saturday and Sunday to just chill out and be
18:30
in his own Zone and be comfortable then he goes into a
18:32
school environment which throw them all out and he's having to
18:34
deal with that all day and he just goes crazy sick.
18:36
So it's kind of like I can't Understand what you know about
18:40
that. I've not really experienced that
18:41
myself from because I just I've been used to actually myself
18:44
ready just like I'm with the last time I'd Foster talks about
18:46
the situation because like you you want to go out and have that
18:49
fun with your friends. I'm not really bothered.
18:50
I'd rather just kind of like separating myself and I think
18:53
that is the difference between the male and female inspection
18:57
friends. I have the friends that just
19:00
know how useless I am maintaining friendships and they
19:04
kind of except on they just think well Charles has wishes
19:07
and if I want to see here, I'm just gonna have to give you a
19:09
call or yeah, there's nothing wrong with that and I think that
19:13
like a being proud of who you are as well as going to
19:15
definitely help overcome any kind of like stigma of what
19:18
those things. So that was the interview in the
19:27
podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode
19:29
nice to be back to the first episode back in 2019 lots more
19:33
content come in super awesome guys.
19:35
Thank you so much for listening, and if you want to sign up to my
19:38
mailing list and make sure you do that over at the Aspen
19:40
wilton.com because I'll be giving out like discount codes
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and stuff for all my merchandise.
19:44
So yeah super pumped to be back. Thank you so much guys.
19:46
I'll see you next week.