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How to Be a Leader (Ep. 10) · How to Be an Adult

0:00
People are taking
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abuses of power
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to represent
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all power. Do you risk the wisdom of
0:08
the crowds pointing and saying
0:10
wrong, shame, go away. We should want
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thoughtful people
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who are philosophical
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about power
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to then be in positions of power.
0:21
Welcome to How to be an Adult,
0:24
a podcast created by the practitioners at the
0:26
Morpheus Clinic For Hypnosis
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in Toronto, Canada.
0:30
This is a show for people just like
0:32
you who've inadvertently become adults and don't know
0:34
what to do about it. I'm Luke Chao.
0:37
And I'm Pascal Langdell. Now whether you're 18
0:39
or 80, this is the trail guide to
0:42
life that your parents never gave you when
0:44
you finally reached the age of majority.
0:47
Now we share these ideas and perspectives in
0:49
order to democratize
0:51
good thoughts, more worthy thoughts, more worthy perspectives
0:55
so that you can go forth into this
0:56
world,
0:57
in the fullness of your adulthood.
1:00
In this episode, we're gonna speak about some
1:02
principles for leadership that they probably didn't tell
1:05
you when you achieved the corner office.
1:09
Leaders are kind of the
1:12
adults in the room
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in society in that we imagine the leader
1:17
to be more responsible
1:19
more thoughtful
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more ethical
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more conscientious
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than the average person is
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so our episodes up to now have kind
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of accumulated
1:30
in this point
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where if you've done adulthood well enough then
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eventually they want you to lead a
1:36
team at least to do public speaking once
1:39
in a while in front of a group.
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And unless your self-concept
1:43
matches your recent achievements, then too often we
1:46
don't feel prepared for it. So the first
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thing that comes to mind when you sort
1:50
of talk about leadership is often its relation
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to power. And as soon as you say
1:54
the word power,
1:55
you hear the things like, oh, you know,
1:58
there's the power of the strong over the
2:00
weak. It's the lording it over. It's the
2:03
unfair
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allocation of power of one over another. So
2:07
why do you think that we associate leadership
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with power and power being a negative thing?
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Well, I think it's 2 separate questions
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where on one hand leadership actually
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does involve power over those who follow you
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but the negative connotation
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is something else because having a leader
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when you don't want to lead is a
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good thing that's not bad at all
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applying a flat hierarchy
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to a group of a 100 people
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is gonna result in that group getting absolutely
2:37
nothing done
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Making decisions by committee. Mhmm. Even a committee
2:42
of 4. Well, you see this a lot
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in, like, fierce companies. If you if you
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have a, group developed piece, it's a really
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tricky thing to do. And still there are
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hierarchies that occur, and it's from this fundamental
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fact which is,
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you know things that I don't. I know
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things that you don't. Mhmm. And that instantly,
3:01
in certain context, if I know how to
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mend a car and your car breaks down,
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suddenly I'm the person with more power extensively
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because I know something that you don't and
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that you need to know or that needs
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to be done. Yeah.
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So really, in a sense, leadership is
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having the authority of knowing things that other
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people don't. That's one thing. And the second
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thing would be to feel that they have
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the authority
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to step forward almost in an act of
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service to share that with others. So even
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someone who's just straight up telling their employees,
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here's how I want it to be done.
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Mhmm.
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If that authority comes from knowledge
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and you know the employee doesn't know how
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to do the thing until the leader shows
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you that is actually good that exercise of
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power
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produces a better running organization or workplace.
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So back to the topic of why does
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it have a negative connotation?
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I believe it's because
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people are taking
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abuses of power
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to represent
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all power
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and that's to be scared of a chef's
4:03
knife because when you are 6 you cut
4:05
yourself with it.
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That's to be scared to drive a car
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because you had a fender bender last week.
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Power
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like the chef's knife and like the car
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in itself
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is not good or bad.
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It's
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a means to get things
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done. Right? So the chef's knife is a
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means to make delicious sushi.
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The car is a means to drive your
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child to soccer practice. And that's not good
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or bad. It's just the way the tool
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is used.
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But it's the abuses of power that cause
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people to shirk from it. Even good people
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who we want to be in positions of
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power, they often shirk from that power because
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they think it's going to corrupt them and
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I want to say that's not the case.
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The chef's knife, the card doesn't corrupt the
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person who's using it. Do you think there's
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also something on the other side as well
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perhaps that if you if you don't have
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a learner's mindset, if you don't have a
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certain degree of, well, humility about the limits
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of your knowledge, then you see power of
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somebody telling you what to do. You can
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go, well, you know, you disrespect the power
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and you find the power disrespects your,
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sense of self, your ammo property, your sense
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that you know the answers, if you see
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what I mean. It's kind of like the
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class know it all.
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Mhmm. Distracting everyone else's attention
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from the professor who's done the research for
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the past 30 years.
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Someone's narcissism
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shouldn't be encouraged or validated
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when it's distracting everyone from someone who has
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legitimate knowledge. But if you're actually the professor
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and that's who I hope to be speaking
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to, If you're the professor in front of
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the class, if you're the lawyer presenting the
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case, if you're the doctor
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doing the rounds, then your authority is legitimate.
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Or aspire to be those things
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as well. So it's not if you're already
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there. If you aspire to be these, to
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to step into that role of authority.
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If you aspire to it, then of course
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a proportion amount of humility will be less
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than if you've already achieved the thing. Yeah.
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So like the articling student is not going
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to get sent to the courtroom and they
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would be out of place if they got
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sent to the courtroom
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usually I find that impossible
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impostor syndrome where people are thrust in the
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in these positions of power and that they
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feel like they're faking it it's because they've
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actually achieved an actual position of authority and
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power and superior knowledge
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but because their self-concept
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is out of date
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They see themselves as like an overgrown adolescent
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who's being asked to present the case to
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the judge or the overgrown
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child who's asked to lead the 900 person
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department but I want to wrap up this
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point that the made up hierarchies like in
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a theater company
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do not reflect innate qualities
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of the members of the hierarchy.
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It is a socially constructed hierarchy to better
6:54
organize a theater company, and the hierarchy is
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not valid at the local pub. It's not
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valid at the neighborhood barbecue.
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It's only valid in that theater company that
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momentarily
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needs some kind of hierarchy
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so that things can get done.
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Often we we feel like our place in
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a hierarchy. So if we're at the top,
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we get egotistical
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or if we're at toward the bottom,
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then then we feel shame.
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We we often feel that our position in
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this hierarchy is innate or that it's
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fixed. But I promise to you that people
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higher up in whatever organization that you're in,
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they were probably just born at
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a time before you were born.
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Give yourself
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more years and you will probably be higher
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up in the hierarchy
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not because you're anything special innately,
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but just because you have the experiences come
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that has come with time. You've made the
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connections that have come with time. There's a
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an example of this where when I started
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working in motion capture,
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a lot of the people that I met
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were like me were at the very sort
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of
7:59
beginning of their career in this journey. But
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it happened to be the same time as
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the technology was also beginning to,
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really
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speed up in its development.
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And it's interesting because students might come to
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me and say, well, you know, you're, you
8:11
know, you've done so much and you know
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all these people. And I'm sort of, yeah,
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I do know them. It just happens that
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we started at the same time. It just
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happens that 10 years have passed,
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and we all worked very hard at what
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we did.
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But really that just that length of time
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in and of itself lends itself to a
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a progression or an accrual of knowledge. And
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with that comes authority, and with that comes,
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you know, promotions and going up the going
8:35
up the hierarchy. But that's earned over a
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period of 10 years. But to an outsider,
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it can look like, well, it was just
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like like that. Well, we we've taken a
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few stabs at defining leadership,
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and I'm gonna take another stab at defining
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leadership.
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Leaders are the people
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who would go first in an endeavor
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often the endeavor is more
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physical analogy. And it's a very Canadian analogy.
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In the wintertime, right, when when a pond
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ices over,
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someone's got to be the 1st kid on
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the ice.
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You don't have the other kids holding middens
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and skating in circles
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until someone
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has first skated onto the ice and then
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around the ice to show that it's not
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going to break.
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And then the other kids follow.
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The person who's first on the ice is
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admittedly brave, but they're not a tyrant.
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This is not the illegitimate
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use of authority. The point I want to
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make is that the kids around the pond
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can see the same pond but they lack
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the leadership qualities
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that would have them be the first to
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be on the ice
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so sometimes it's the first person to speak
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an unpopular idea that is the elephant in
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the room at a meeting sometimes it's someone's
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got to give the presentation
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in front of the 400 people so I
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mean who's brave enough to step in front
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of the 400 people
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but these people who put themselves in leadership
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roles
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they're not fundamentally different from you or I
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the first kid on the pond is not
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less susceptible to falling through the ice
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they're just the ones to have done it
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first. I guess what I'm trying to say
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is that leadership
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is within reach
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for everyone. Anyone can be the 1st kid
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on the pond.
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Obviously, the 1st kid on the pond is
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risking getting soaked
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or worse, but someone's gotta be the 1st
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kid on the pond and it it can
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be you.
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Which brings me on to the next point,
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which is
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the kid that's going to step onto the
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ice and be the first
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is going to have to make an assessment.
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It's gonna be probably a relatively lonely one.
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Right? But that means that as a leader,
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perhaps
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that's a good analogy that you have to
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really rely on your own resources, your own
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perspectives,
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your own accrued wisdom. And
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with that
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in mind, make the boldest
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choice that you care. It doesn't have to
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be the boldest choice. Sometimes the conservative choice
11:15
is an exercise of good leadership. But the
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boldness aside, one defining quality of leadership is
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that you follow your own inner guidance one
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way or another, and you're not following the
11:25
guidance of others.
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It's important that our listeners get this this
11:29
point because as long as you're following the
11:30
guidance of others, you're not really a leader
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in that situation. You are a follower and
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someone else is the leader. If you follow
11:37
your inner guidance and you get on the
11:38
pawn or you don't get on the pawn,
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you're acting as a leader if you follow
11:41
your inner guidance.
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The kids who will not be the first
11:45
on the pond because no one else has
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done the first their followers.
11:48
The defining quality at least in my view
11:50
is that leaders do and they have to
11:54
follow their inner guidance
11:55
to stay leaders.
11:58
We just hope that by the time someone
11:59
reaches a leadership position that they have the
12:02
knowledge
12:03
that they have the experience, that they have
12:05
the wisdom,
12:06
that their inner guidance is well informed enough
12:09
that they're not leading the kids onto the
12:11
thin ice pond they're leading the kids onto
12:14
the pond where everyone's going to have a
12:15
great
12:16
time
12:17
there are a couple of sub points I
12:20
want to make to this
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and one of them is that leaders must
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therefore,
12:26
in their own heads,
12:28
be self validating,
12:30
self respecting,
12:32
self caring, and self loving.
12:34
Whoever
12:36
you allow to judge you
12:39
is taking power from you. If you only
12:42
allow your own judgments of yourself
12:46
to stand at the end of the day.
12:49
If you take other people's opinions of course
12:51
but
12:52
they're not the arbiters of your worth and
12:54
if anyone is it's you.
12:56
Then you can make decisions independently.
12:59
Earlier I claimed that leaders are the epitome
13:03
of adults.
13:04
That they're the adults in the room when
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everyone else is over the age of 18
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and they're ostensibly an adult those we count
13:11
as leaders are the most adult
13:13
of of the adults in the room.
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It is because
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for you to follow your inner guidance
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and consistently
13:22
be right or to make sound decisions
13:26
it does require worldly knowledge and wisdom and
13:29
experience.
13:31
Some people achieve a lot of this wisdom
13:33
when they're in their 20s and some people
13:34
live such repetitive lives that they could be
13:36
80 and no less than the 25 year
13:38
old.
13:39
But one way or another
13:41
leaders
13:42
have to follow their inner guidance, their inner
13:45
validation,
13:46
their inner encouragement
13:48
even while they sometimes have outside people who
13:50
counsel them or else you are gonna turn
13:53
to a follower. You're gonna have someone else
13:55
willed power over you.
13:57
And is this something which is
13:59
tempered by experience?
14:01
As in, you mentioned the 80 year old
14:04
who has had a repetitive life and not
14:06
been faced with the same challenges perhaps. But
14:09
is there an aspect where we make ourselves
14:11
leaders because we go outside our comfort zone,
14:14
because we
14:15
state uncomfortable facts
14:17
in in situations that may socially damage us
14:20
or what and so on. Yeah. Well, to
14:22
to to go back to to the example
14:23
of being the first kid on the pond.
14:26
It's not the other kids appointing a leader
14:28
to go on the pond first. It's whichever
14:31
kid is brave enough or whichever kid feels
14:33
authoritative enough to test the ice that person
14:37
has de facto become the leader of that
14:40
group in that
14:41
situation. Or the first person who raises their
14:44
hand in a meeting to say well I
14:46
I want to give a dissenting view.
14:48
I've done this before and often I've put
14:50
into words what everyone was thinking but no
14:52
one was willing to say.
14:55
Even this podcast in a way I'm kind
14:57
of doing my best to put into words
14:59
what some people are thinking and that is
15:01
not talked often enough about.
15:04
But yes that there is no central authority
15:07
appointing some people to be leaders and other
15:09
people not to be leaders. So someone has
15:11
the title of CEO
15:14
but they always have to ask someone else
15:17
on the team for decisions.
15:19
That's not really the leader in that dynamic.
15:22
Right. If if you look on LinkedIn, you
15:24
see lots of people with the title CEO
15:27
of, you know, the company of 1. They're
15:29
also the director. They're also the secretary.
15:32
They got lots of board meetings inside their
15:34
heads that, you know,
15:36
play play those games internally.
15:38
I'll move away a little bit from the
15:40
the ice pod example
15:42
and maybe I'll cast my mind back to
15:46
Florence,
15:47
during
15:48
the Renaissance
15:49
in Italy.
15:51
Let's imagine
15:52
that
15:53
you're a young man,
15:55
and
15:56
you become an apprentice under a painter.
15:59
Throughout your entire apprenticeship
16:01
you aren't just using your own eye to
16:04
decide if your work is good.
16:07
You are going to check-in
16:09
with the Maestro to ask is it good
16:11
enough? Should I have done it this way?
16:13
Should I have composed a painting like this?
16:15
Should I have chosen this pigment for
16:18
this thing and this other pigment for this
16:19
other thing?
16:20
And then when you've had enough years of
16:22
apprenticeship you become a journeyman. And then when
16:24
you're a journeyman you can start to make
16:26
your own decisions.
16:28
You can start to part ways with your
16:30
master
16:31
because you have the experience and therefore the
16:34
authority to start making your own decisions and
16:37
using your own eye.
16:38
By the time you become a master yourself
16:40
and you're teaching other people, you can definitely
16:43
make your own decisions and use your own
16:45
eye, and it will be out of order
16:47
if the master asks the apprentice,
16:50
Do you like the way this looks?
16:51
Even though the medieval guild system is kind
16:54
of dead these days,
16:56
we have authority that is in proportion to
17:00
how much knowledge we actually have
17:03
informally.
17:04
So if our listener
17:06
is in whatever profession they're in
17:09
no longer junior,
17:11
if they're like a vice president, a director,
17:15
if they're like a senior software developer,
17:17
they can consider themselves to be more like
17:20
the master and less like the apprentice.
17:23
I have a lot of clients who've actually
17:25
achieved quite a lot with their lives
17:27
and suddenly they're asked to do public speaking,
17:30
to share original ideas,
17:32
to set a strategic direction
17:34
and that's where they get the feeling like
17:36
they're a 13 year old asked to do
17:38
these adult things which is an out of
17:40
date feeling.
17:42
In these situations
17:45
I don't have to alter my client at
17:46
all. They've achieved. They've done.
17:49
They have the job title. They have the
17:50
job. They have the direct reports. They have
17:52
the responsibility.
17:54
My job is to describe them as they
17:56
are
17:57
the day they walk into my office
17:59
and with a clear enough description
18:02
of them as they are with the team
18:04
that they
18:05
have with the actual knowledge that they possess
18:07
they're not afraid to address groups anymore.
18:10
The fear came from this out of date
18:12
self-concept
18:13
that they're just a student, they're just an
18:15
apprentice
18:16
after that they've actually reached mastery. I think
18:19
there's also sort of a mis
18:22
understanding
18:23
perhaps about
18:24
what being a great public speaker is in
18:26
the sense that you might think of, you
18:28
know, Tony Robbins or you know, any of
18:30
those charismatic
18:32
sort of braggadocio
18:34
hugely larger than life. You know, they they
18:37
exude confidence in in what they're saying.
18:40
And I think that
18:41
that can be a bit misleading in the
18:43
sense that just like the apprentice, you know,
18:46
starts off maybe by copying something, eventually they've
18:48
they've got to break, to make their own
18:50
work. And I think that if you update
18:52
your self-concept
18:54
to being an authority in your particular field
18:58
and having that authority to,
19:00
share or educate
19:01
or direct, then this is gonna come from
19:03
a much more authentic place where actually you
19:06
don't necessarily
19:07
need to be a version of Tony Robbins
19:10
or any idea you have of what a
19:12
confident public speaker is. Because you just will
19:15
be and will come from your authentic version
19:18
of you as the confident
19:20
authority figure that you are. The reason that
19:23
public speaking is coming up I think, is
19:25
that by the time you reach a senior
19:27
enough role,
19:29
you absolutely
19:30
have
19:31
to speak to groups.
19:33
You have to speak at meetings. You have
19:34
to lead meetings. You have to speak at
19:37
the AGM.
19:38
It comes with a territory.
19:40
Another marker of having done well previously in
19:43
your adult life is that you're often operating
19:46
on the edge of knowledge.
19:49
And this gives a lot of people that
19:52
sense of imposter syndrome
19:54
or a sense of not
19:56
knowing what to do or what to say.
19:58
But here's the kicker.
20:00
When you're operating on the edge of knowledge,
20:02
there's no one on the planet who knows
20:04
exactly what to say or who knows everything
20:07
or who can absolutely do the thing that
20:09
you're doing.
20:10
So I'm imagining the surgeon doing the experimental
20:12
surgery where we don't know what the outcome's
20:14
gonna outcome's gonna be, but they gotta do
20:16
it anyway, and no one's more qualified than
20:17
you. Right? Well, the the the, open heart
20:18
surgery, for example,
20:23
those
20:24
first operations were on the edge of knowledge.
20:27
Yep. And they must have been the people
20:29
who are having these these, surgeries done, they
20:32
were obviously told
20:34
this may not work. In fact, we just
20:36
don't know if it's gonna work. Exactly. This
20:38
is, you know, to have the authority to
20:40
step into
20:41
the unknown, I think it's possibly why why
20:43
we like astronauts and explorers
20:45
is because it's sort of analogous of going
20:47
into
20:48
unknown territory. And certainly,
20:51
going into what hasn't been done before or
20:53
going in directions which haven't been tried before,
20:56
you really are the first person on the
20:58
lake and you risk the wisdom of the
21:00
crowd pointing and saying wrong, shame, go away,
21:04
you know, we're right, there's more of us
21:06
kind of thing. Here's the point that I
21:07
wanna leave my listeners
21:09
with. If you have that feeling that you're
21:11
like the astronaut in outer space, and who
21:13
knows whether you're gonna survive?
21:16
Or what if all the kids laugh at
21:18
you because you fell through the ice since
21:20
you dare to be the 1st to come
21:21
in? If you have this feeling, it absolutely
21:24
comes with the territory of being a leader
21:27
and without this feeling you're probably not you
21:29
know a leader to that many people. And
21:31
and this is why it also comes down
21:32
to a certain level of self regard,
21:35
and self love and self reassurance is because
21:37
you have to be able to withstand
21:39
that. Your personality, your sense of self of
21:41
value
21:42
needs to be able to withstand
21:44
both praise but also condemnation. And that's Failure.
21:48
That's why self validation
21:50
self respect and self love are utterly essential
21:52
for the leaders of the world because if
21:55
your feelings of being validated, loved, and accepted
21:57
depend on what the last person said to
22:00
you, how are you gonna be a bad
22:01
president of the United States of America?
22:05
Even if we imagine
22:07
that the lawyer
22:09
representing
22:10
the refugee
22:11
who's trying to gain residency status,
22:15
They don't know what the judge is going
22:16
to decide.
22:17
They don't know what the outcome is going
22:18
to be, but they still have to show
22:20
up and present to the best of their
22:22
ability anyway.
22:24
You don't wanna be in a situation
22:26
later on in adult life where you're only
22:29
solving solved problems.
22:31
You don't want to be in a situation
22:33
where you're never at the edge of knowledge
22:35
and then you never get this uncertain feeling.
22:38
Our clients who at least I see in
22:40
in my practice
22:41
and I imagine many of the listeners to
22:43
this podcast
22:44
are at a point in their lives
22:47
where they have to tap into their self
22:49
authority. They have to in their own heads
22:51
and hearts tell themselves they can not that
22:53
they can't
22:55
since they've done well in life
22:57
and others see them as an authority.
22:59
To bring this point to a conclusion,
23:01
you're not doing adult life badly.
23:05
If you have impostor syndrome it's usually the
23:07
opposite.
23:09
All of this is to be embraced
23:11
in adult life
23:12
especially when you rise up high enough that
23:15
others want to follow your lead.
23:18
Along with the problem of being on the
23:20
edge of knowledge,
23:21
here's another fun problem that leaders have.
23:25
You're often presented
23:27
with trolley problems.
23:29
So if you don't know, like, you know,
23:31
basically
23:32
The wheels wiggly and,
23:35
Well, so
23:36
here's the trolley problem from moral philosophy.
23:39
You've got an out of control
23:42
trolley. So so like like like a cart
23:44
on
23:45
rails.
23:46
And it's going downhill,
23:48
and
23:49
you're at a switch.
23:52
In the current trajectory of that trolley, it's
23:55
gonna kill 5 people
23:57
right they're oblivious they got their headphones on
24:00
and if the trolley keeps going and you
24:02
don't do anything 5 people are gonna die
24:06
If you flip the switch though the tracks
24:09
change and the 5 people are saved
24:13
but you're gonna kill
24:15
2 people and one of them is the
24:17
mayor.
24:18
What do you do? Well, you don't ask
24:21
AI.
24:22
You you could. I mean, you could flip
24:24
a coin. Yeah. But this is a question
24:27
where you can make arguments
24:29
on both sides. You could say, okay. No
24:31
life is worth more than any other. So
24:34
you're gonna save the 5 lives and you're
24:35
gonna kill the 2 people.
24:38
Or you could say well that mayor has
24:40
done so much to feed the homeless
24:42
let's save them and then the person they're
24:44
with
24:45
and let the 5 people go under the
24:48
wheels
24:49
so that there is no absolute
24:51
right wrong or correct answer but this could
24:53
be debated
24:54
Problems where there is a clear
24:57
mutually agreed upon answer,
24:59
those are for
25:01
your direct reports.
25:03
By the time you reach a position of
25:04
leadership,
25:05
you're at the switch a lot trying to
25:07
decide which of 2 bad outcomes
25:10
is gonna happen.
25:12
So leaders often end up then getting a
25:14
lot of criticism and flack because 2 people
25:17
died.
25:17
If it's not that 2 people died, it's
25:19
5 people died. This is metaphorical of course.
25:22
So, you know, it could be jobs not
25:24
not lives. If his life is corporate manslaughter.
25:27
But it's similar to like the the epistemological
25:30
problem
25:31
of being on the edge of knowledge and
25:32
you've got to figure it out for yourself
25:34
and that you're on the edge of morality
25:37
and you got to figure out for yourself
25:38
And one way or another, you are probably
25:40
gonna get criticism for your decision.
25:43
Anyone who claims that if they were only
25:45
in your shoes, they would have pulled the
25:47
switch.
25:48
They'd never been in your shoes before.
25:50
I think there's something else about being on
25:51
the edge of morality for a leader too
25:53
is that to me, one of the one
25:56
of the heights of leadership
25:57
is to be so secure,
26:00
so wise in your position that you can
26:03
actually turn around to your subordinates and say,
26:06
do you know something that I don't know?
26:08
Mhmm. You know, you don't have the ego
26:09
in the way that stops you from actioning
26:12
something that somebody else knew that you didn't.
26:14
All the greatest leaders
26:16
were able to hear and listen even to
26:19
their
26:20
detractors,
26:21
not punish them necessarily for even getting something
26:25
wrong or going in the wrong direction. And
26:27
we were talking about
26:28
the CEO of
26:30
Magna.
26:31
Yeah. What's his name? Frank Stronach. Frank Stronach,
26:34
yes, who who,
26:35
installed
26:36
like a hotline telephone in his manufacturing plants
26:40
or a system that was anonymous. Anonymous and
26:42
anybody could put anything in saying what they
26:44
thought could be done better, what was going
26:46
wrong,
26:47
something that, you know, an HR thing. But,
26:49
and he said that the,
26:51
the feedback from everybody was This is brilliant
26:54
because it ended up meaning that the people
26:57
further down the hierarchy were being heard.
26:59
And it's not that they were considered
27:02
useless appendages to this great machine,
27:05
but instead, you know, to me that's great
27:07
leadership.
27:08
There's a concept called servant leadership. Mhmm. And
27:10
I think that's what you're talking about. Oh,
27:12
yeah. Okay. Where the leader is not the
27:15
tyrant at the top,
27:17
the leader serves his or her
27:20
workers so the workers get the job done
27:23
and there is much merit
27:25
I think
27:27
in this view that
27:29
just like the minister
27:31
in front of his flock is is no
27:33
tyrant but is serving his flock that
27:36
a leader to a corporation
27:38
is
27:39
Never to be a tyrant but is instead
27:42
serving the workers and giving them the knowledge,
27:44
the tools, the resources that they need to
27:46
do their jobs excellently.
27:48
And that's very much the attitude that allows
27:50
you to speak publicly with authority.
27:53
Is if you see it as an act
27:55
of service,
27:57
less a question of ego and and being
27:59
potentially, you know, being seen as being arrogant.
28:03
If you're doing it as an act of
28:04
service
28:05
and you see it as that, then you
28:06
are essentially being the servant leader. Absolutely.
28:09
Teachers for example. Yeah. Teachers
28:12
are very much serving their students. Yeah. I'm
28:15
sure there's there's there's plenty of people out
28:17
there who have memories of teachers. Perhaps that
28:19
were pivotal
28:20
to their career path even. And if you
28:22
think back at them, you should think, well,
28:24
they showed leadership qualities as servant leaders. And
28:28
you things you don't remember the times that
28:30
they stumbled or coughed or was sick or,
28:32
you know, you don't remember any of that.
28:34
But you do remember their charisma, their passion.
28:37
You remember probably as a result a fair
28:39
amount of what it is that they taught
28:41
as well. And so, in some ways looking
28:43
to good teachers as
28:45
the adults in the room that perhaps are
28:47
good to to look at, to think of
28:49
as leaders is is probably a good reference.
28:52
Well, there there are a number of themes
28:53
that we seem to be coming back to
28:55
during today's episode and one of them is
28:57
that
28:58
the good kind of authority that leadership
29:01
or power wielded well
29:03
is the authority of the teacher or the
29:06
professor
29:07
not the authority
29:09
of the tyrant.
29:11
So rounding out this list of things that
29:13
come with the territory
29:15
of leadership that are rather unfortunate
29:18
is that
29:20
when you are seen to be the person
29:21
at the front of the room who's talking
29:23
you are
29:24
definitely
29:25
going to be attracting envy and resentment
29:28
not because you're necessarily an enviable person
29:32
not at all because you are innately a
29:34
resentable person
29:36
but because
29:37
there's something in the human heart
29:41
that seems to envy and resent those who
29:45
seem to be one step above oneself.
29:49
So if you do attract envy and resentment
29:51
if people start sniping at at you if
29:53
sometimes friends demonstrate they're jealous of you if
29:56
you know sometimes people feel like you've gotten
29:58
too good for them even though in your
30:00
eyes you've done nothing wrong.
30:02
I would back up this view you've done
30:04
nothing wrong because sometimes this comes with the
30:06
territory. Well, when you have kids who are
30:10
vilifying you and saying, you know, treating you
30:12
very badly,
30:13
as a parent you still have to
30:15
say no that's not right.
30:17
And you have to be able to express
30:19
that and not join in the, you know,
30:21
the rage and not make things worse, right?
30:24
But
30:25
it's quite a natural function. I think as
30:27
you said, you know, there's this thing which
30:29
is this,
30:30
need to kick against authority, which in some
30:33
ways is is a healthy
30:34
thing too. It's it's not necessarily a bad
30:36
thing. In some situations, it might be quite
30:39
necessary. And I think the very function itself
30:40
is perhaps also wrapped up with
30:43
the frustrations of ambition, the gap between where
30:46
you are and where you want to be.
30:48
And that in
30:49
being unable to control those emotions I would
30:52
associate more with, should you say somebody who
30:54
hasn't just hasn't quite grown up? Well, I'm
30:57
an anti authoritarian. Mhmm, yeah. Very much so.
31:01
I'm the way more punk rock than some
31:02
people seem to think I am, but I
31:05
have no problem with earned authority.
31:09
So if someone else knows how to tie
31:11
their shoelaces in a really cool way and
31:13
I don't, I submit to them when it
31:16
comes to how to tie my shoelaces
31:18
the way they have.
31:20
What I push back against
31:23
and what I think people should push back
31:25
against
31:26
is taking these made up hierarchies
31:29
way too seriously
31:30
where you think the made up hierarchies point
31:32
to innate qualities in people
31:35
I push back against unearned authority,
31:38
abuse of power, of course,
31:40
or people with less knowledge
31:43
being in positions of authority
31:47
above
31:47
people with more knowledge.
31:50
So I push back against all of that.
31:52
You know, I'm not against all authority, though
31:54
I do very much identify as an anti
31:56
authoritarian.
31:57
I just think these are the ways that
31:59
authority is often misused. That power is often
32:02
misused.
32:03
But there is a legitimate use of power.
32:04
So if I know how to do a
32:05
cool thing, then please sit at my feet
32:08
and I'll show you how to do that
32:09
cool thing.
32:10
Yes. So so you're anti authoritarian
32:12
and
32:13
a good proportion of that is basically anti
32:15
tyranny. Yeah. I guess if anti tyranny were
32:17
more of a common word that people used,
32:20
I'm an anti tyrant. Anti tyrant. I think
32:23
everyone's an anti tyrant.
32:25
But but Unless you're a tyrant. Right. I
32:28
think you're just anti other tyrant. I'm a
32:29
rebel with a cause. I'm not a rebel
32:31
without a cause. You're tearing me apart.
32:34
Sorry
32:38
Lisa one thing I'll say to wrap up
32:41
that point is that we should want
32:44
thoughtful
32:45
people
32:46
who are philosophical
32:47
about power
32:49
to then be in positions of power We
32:51
don't want people who just gratify their ego
32:54
or who love to power trip to be
32:56
in positions of power. Whenever I have client
32:58
in front of me and they seem thoughtful,
33:01
intelligent,
33:01
humble, and they want to do well,
33:04
I wish for them
33:06
to pursue positions of power. I hope they
33:08
become the chief executive officer one day because
33:11
I don't want this world to be ruled
33:14
by power
33:15
hungry egomaniacal
33:17
tyrant the way it often is.
33:19
I want it to be ruled by thoughtful
33:21
people who are careful with power like I
33:23
want chef's chef's knives to be wielded by
33:25
people who are careful with chef's knives. And
33:27
I think
33:28
that in some ways, much of life is
33:30
currently characterized by power more than perhaps is
33:35
accurate. In the sense that I do believe
33:37
that
33:38
most people
33:39
aspire to gain authority through wisdom, who aspire
33:43
to be able to share direct, educate, or
33:46
whatever it is from a position of
33:49
authority that is earned, that is is, you
33:51
know, is trained.
33:53
When I think about
33:55
myself, when I think about the clients I've
33:57
worked with to get them acclimatized to a
33:59
position of power,
34:01
They are generally
34:02
thoughtful people who mean well and who don't
34:05
want to cause harm because they've been elevated
34:08
into a position of power.
34:10
These are the people who should be on
34:13
condo boards.
34:14
These are the people
34:16
who should try to climb up the corporate
34:18
ladder. These are the people who should run
34:20
for public office. Oh, hey, finally.
34:23
This is why I'm making the podcast
34:25
and this is why I'm saying it on
34:27
the podcast because at least, you know, insofar
34:29
as I'm able to make some ripples,
34:32
I very much want the people who are
34:34
somewhat uncomfortable with power to then become the
34:37
people in positions of power, just like you
34:40
should always respect the power of the car
34:43
you're driving on a public road.
34:45
Power should be wielded in a similar way.
34:47
It should not be avoided.
34:49
It's not innately bad,
34:51
but it should be wielded carefully.
34:53
And so with the idea that
34:56
wielding power and authority requires
34:59
the wisdom to be able to do it
35:01
well. The wisdom to be able to to
35:03
direct, to educate, to share.
35:06
In in many situations,
35:08
you're going to be faced with having to
35:10
do that quite literally. To actually stand in
35:12
a position of authority
35:14
in front of a whole bunch of people.
35:16
And just that very dynamic, if you think
35:17
about it, a bunch of people looking at
35:19
one person, well, we we know who is
35:21
being placed in the position of authority. And
35:24
all it really is, when you think about
35:26
it is, somebody knows something
35:28
that all the people watching may not.
35:31
Right? That's that's really that's really the basic
35:34
of the transaction.
35:35
Now, this is public speaking and for about
35:38
80% of the people out there, they don't
35:41
feel that they have the confidence to
35:43
speak publicly.
35:44
And while you and I have been working
35:46
on a master class to try and create
35:49
the best, most comprehensive
35:52
public speaking master class we can. Well, our
35:54
listeners have had a preview in this episode
35:57
as to the kinds of things that you'll
35:59
be in stealing as an attitude in your
36:01
students. Right? Yeah. So the idea that they're
36:04
not the 13 year old even if they
36:05
feel like it or actually the CEO of
36:08
this, the VP of that, they're actually the
36:10
founder of their firm
36:13
and ideas like even just that being on
36:15
the edge of knowledge and not making everyone
36:18
happy and having some people be resentful when
36:20
you speak all of that adds up to
36:23
a much more confident public speaker because you
36:25
know it's not you if someone coughs over
36:27
there in the audience.
36:29
Why don't you tell our listeners
36:30
how they
36:32
can think like you
36:33
when it comes to the presentations that they
36:36
have to do?
36:38
So, January 20th
36:40
2024,
36:41
we are starting our public speaking master class
36:44
at, the Morpheus,
36:46
Clinic For Hypnosis,
36:47
and it's a series of 5 4 hour
36:50
classes
36:51
where we will cover everything that you need
36:53
to know from
36:54
vocal techniques,
36:56
different ways to calm your nerve system,
36:59
different approaches to actually interacting with the audience
37:02
and how you should approach speaking to an
37:04
audience.
37:05
Every class
37:06
has an element
37:08
of of hypnotic suggestion, which you can just
37:09
listen to. You don't need to actually be,
37:12
hypnotized.
37:13
But these are good and worthy suggestions that
37:15
do the work of helping you to change
37:17
your mindset
37:18
to having a more accurate self-concept, both of
37:22
who you've arrived at in your life at
37:24
this point, as well as your role and
37:27
the better ways and more useful ways of
37:30
looking at the act of of public speaking.
37:32
This workshop is designed that by the end
37:34
of it,
37:35
not only do you get a little certificate
37:37
of course, but you'll be stepping into your
37:40
role as a leader
37:41
with the full authority that you've already got.
37:45
If this sounds like the person that you
37:47
wanna be,
37:48
then feel free to get in touch through
37:50
the website.
37:51
And if you missed that date, just check
37:53
out our website or get in contact because
37:54
we will have workshops as long as
37:57
we are still in business. Absolutely.
38:00
Thank you so much again for listening.
38:02
It's been a pleasure having you on board
38:04
for this journey and if you want to
38:06
engage with us more 1 on 1 in
38:08
private
38:09
please reach out to the Morphis Clinic for
38:11
hypnosis at
38:12
www.morphisclinic.com.
38:14
At heart we are practical philosophers
38:16
we are in
38:18
not just the business of spreading good ideas
38:21
we're actually trying everything we can do to
38:24
live out these good ideas and to spread
38:27
these good ideas in any way. So again,
38:30
thank you so much for listening.
38:32
If you are interested to hear more of
38:34
these, please subscribe at YouTube on Morpheus Hypnosis
38:38
or Spotify, of course, and anywhere that you
38:41
get your podcasts
38:42
as we continue to talk about other,
38:45
subjects all about how to be an adult.