Latest / Go Wildly Podcast / Finding Healing, Habit & Meaning in Water with Kylie Kuhlmann | Go Wildly Podcast

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Finding Healing, Habit & Meaning in Water with Kylie Kuhlmann | Go Wildly Podcast · Go Wildly Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to Season 2 of Go Wildly podcast.
• 0:03
  We are Emily and Heather, 2 childhood friends who carry a
• 0:07
  mic into wild places like rivers, trails, and forests with
• 0:11
  wild people to host raw, honest conversations about adventure,
• 0:15
  healing, identity, and the transformative power of nature.
• 0:19
  In this season, we're centering the voices of people who call
• 0:22
  Southern Oregon home. Outdoor enthusiasts and outdoor
• 0:26
  professionals whose lives have been shaped, changed, or are
• 0:29
  continually influenced by time outside.
• 0:32
  Come along as together we go wildly.
• 0:35
  Hey, you wildly wonder. Thank you so very much for
• 0:39
  listening to the podcast. It means the world to us.
• 0:43
  OK, I have a little mission. Pause the podcast right here.
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  Make sure that you're subscribed to this guy, OK?
• 0:49
  It's going to be a fun time over here.
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  And if you so wish, we would love a five star review or
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  Also, leaving us a review truly helps the algorithm and we
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  Also, little tidbit over on Instagram, we're having so much
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  fun over there. Lots of behind the scene
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  footage, some POV's, just some fun unhinged content.
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  So don't forget to follow us over there.
• 1:18
  OK, back to the show. We're recording.
• 1:21
  Okay, Hello, good morning. Welcome to the newest episode of
• 1:25
  Go Wiley podcast. I am one of your Co hosts.
• 1:28
  I'm Emily. You probably should know that by
• 1:31
  now. And I'm out here today with my
• 1:33
  friend Kylie Coleman. We're going to do a little float
• 1:37
  on the Rogue River. Kylie is, well, Kylie and I met
• 1:41
  on what we affectionately refer to as Butt Beach in Mexico and
• 1:46
  spent a few days together hanging out on a beach watching
• 1:49
  butts go by. And she's just a really
• 1:53
  fascinating, funny, cool person. She's a farmer.
• 1:57
  She works at an outdoor school. She's a hot spring hoe.
• 2:01
  She used to live some and sometimes still does live on a
• 2:04
  sailboat in the Caribbean. She's fascinating.
• 2:08
  She's hilarious. We're going to have a really
• 2:09
  great time today and we're going to go for her first float of the
• 2:14
  season and likely my second to last, and spend some time on the
• 2:19
  river today in this lovely little boat.
• 2:24
  Here's Kylie. Hi, Kylie.
• 2:26
  I'm excited. I'll let you hold this while I
• 2:32
  untie the boat and then we'll get in the boat.
• 2:39
  We are. We're putting in Chinook Park
• 2:43
  today and we're going to float down to Baker Park on the Rogue
• 2:49
  River in Grants Pass. And it was.
• 2:55
  The weather report said it was going to be like 59 and cloudy
• 3:00
  all day today, but it looks like it's going to be maybe more like
• 3:06
  65 and partly sunny. It's nice though, yeah.
• 3:16
  Does your boat have a name? Do rafters name their boat?
• 3:18
  Many rafters do. Yeah, I've been, I've been
• 3:24
  calling it Gary because my dad Gary bought it for me and it's a
• 3:28
  grey raft. And that just felt kind of cute
• 3:33
  to have a, a grey raft named Gary.
• 3:36
  But but it's my, it's my only round raft.
• 3:43
  All my other boats are catarafts so it's pretty easy to just
• 3:47
  refer to it as the raft. All right, Gary, let's.
• 3:51
  Go Yeah, I like to call it Gary because then, I mean, my dad's
• 3:55
  always on the river with me, but now a little extra on the river.
• 4:01
  All right, I will let you climb in, take the front seat and it's
• 4:12
  going to be such a lovely mellow float.
• 4:17
  I know I'm excited. I haven't spent a while, how do
• 4:21
  you not love the Red River? I I, well, I do so I don't know
• 4:26
  how anybody couldn't or wouldn't.
• 4:30
  It's, it's beautiful, it's perfect, it's home, It's, it's
• 4:35
  just absolutely wonderful. Oh, that's fancy.
• 4:42
  It's going to be a little, a little odd today without
• 4:47
  Heather, but we're going to we're going to do our our
• 4:53
  darndest here to keep us both in the frame and keep the camera
• 4:58
  dry and do all the things that need to be done.
• 5:04
  If anybody can do it, I feel like you can do it.
• 5:07
  Thank you. I appreciate that.
• 5:12
  OK, Niha, right. Thanks for being here, Kylie.
• 5:19
  Thanks for inviting me, yeah. I'm so glad, so glad you said
• 5:22
  yes. I'm glad I said yes.
• 5:25
  Not just to being on the river today, but to talking about who
• 5:29
  you are in your life. I know I was like, I wanted to
• 5:33
  do it and then you asked me if I wanted to hike or raft.
• 5:36
  And I'm like trying to like break old habits and like,
• 5:41
  sometimes you can just get lazy. And I'm in this journey of grief
• 5:45
  right now. And some things are hard.
• 5:48
  And so I was like the old uninvolved me would be like a
• 5:53
  walk is easy. I can leave when I want.
• 5:56
  But I'm like, no, like I haven't been on the river.
• 5:59
  Rafting more has been a goal. If I say no, that's not doing
• 6:03
  the work. So I've been trying to figure
• 6:05
  out what, you know, people say, like the journey, like you're
• 6:08
  doing the work. And I'm always like, what is the
• 6:10
  work? I'm like, OK, that's the work.
• 6:13
  Yeah. It's like saying yes to this
• 6:17
  when you want to say no because of things that don't really
• 6:22
  matter or aren't that important. Or that feel extra heavy or
• 6:26
  challenging or are just familiar are what's comfortable.
• 6:29
  What's the easy way out? I mean, I in some ways I think
• 6:34
  like life should be easy. Like, yeah, like we should be
• 6:37
  going with the flow and doing what feels right and listening
• 6:41
  to our gut and our intuition. And like, if that feels like the
• 6:46
  right answer, then that's probably the right answer.
• 6:48
  And then also we do need to push back on our preconceived notions
• 6:53
  and our habits and where we've gotten comfortable so that we
• 6:57
  can grow and try new things and get new, new neural connections.
• 7:04
  And so good job, yeah, pushing through.
• 7:08
  Yeah, for sure. I always feel like life seems
• 7:10
  easier for people that are like more rational, like, or more
• 7:15
  logical like, OK, I'm doing AB and C&B.
• 7:18
  It doesn't seem to be working. So I'm going to cut that out
• 7:20
  where I'm like, but I love B and I love C and I love A even
• 7:24
  though they're not working. I want to figure out how to keep
• 7:27
  them. Yeah.
• 7:28
  So that's kind of funny of like you're saying like life should
• 7:31
  be easy and go with the flow, but then you have those, those
• 7:34
  emotions and like, that's what the human experiences is, right?
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  It's like connection and even negative things of like holding
• 7:42
  on and so. Because negative isn't
• 7:44
  necessarily bad, it's just not as positive.
• 7:49
  This is beautiful. Yeah, yeah, I love this tree's
• 7:53
  roots. I know that's really pretty.
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  So I do worry that the erosion is going to just pull that tree
• 8:01
  down off the Cliff. And yeah.
• 8:06
  And I mean life, like, yes, there should be some ease to
• 8:10
  life. And we only grow when we're
• 8:14
  challenged and when we're put under pressure to to see things
• 8:21
  in a new way and try new things. And.
• 8:24
  And that like constriction point, yeah, reflecting on that
• 8:28
  and moving through it and, and doing something different from
• 8:33
  the way you've always done it so that you can have a different
• 8:36
  result that that leads to growth and, and trials and
• 8:43
  tribulations. And, and I haven't run this
• 8:47
  stretch of the river since the spring and it has definitely
• 8:52
  changed since the big flood, the big flood of this spring.
• 8:58
  I think I can go down this side of the channel.
• 9:02
  So I think, I think I was out here before the flood because
• 9:06
  the big the high water was like late March, I think.
• 9:13
  And I think I brought Asia out here like the first sunny day of
• 9:19
  spring, which was like mid March maybe.
• 9:25
  This looks very different. Yeah, it's been a while since
• 9:27
  I've been on the road. I used to come all the time and
• 9:31
  it's feels good to be back on it.
• 9:33
  It's good. Yeah.
• 9:35
  Good. I'm glad I could bring you.
• 9:36
  Yeah. Well, tell me and all these
• 9:40
  these people back here a little bit about who you are, where
• 9:44
  you're from, where you are now and kind of, yeah, what you're
• 9:52
  all about. Yeah.
• 9:53
  Well, as she said, my name is Kylie, and I actually grew up in
• 9:58
  the suburbs of Chicago, so not nature.
• 10:04
  I was a really poor student. I did not do very good in
• 10:10
  school. But, you know, I was part of the
• 10:14
  generation that, like, you just go to college.
• 10:16
  You don't know what you do. You go to college.
• 10:18
  You know, I feel like now it's like it's so expensive that you
• 10:21
  should figure out what you want to do.
• 10:25
  So I just wanted to go to the school that sounded really fun,
• 10:29
  and that was away from my parents.
• 10:31
  So I heard of the school in the northern Michigan.
• 10:35
  Have you ever been to the Upper Peninsula?
• 10:36
  I've not. It is a magical place.
• 10:39
  That's all I hear. Every every Uber I know is like
• 10:44
  it is this magical world in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
• 10:49
  I had really bad grades so I actually got into Northern ON, I
• 10:57
  forget what it's called but pretty much good.
• 11:01
  Grab Emily. I got in and I had to pretty
• 11:07
  much get good grades my first semester or I would be kicked
• 11:10
  out. So I got in and I went up there
• 11:15
  once after I got accepted, and I had never been around so much
• 11:20
  wilderness. And it's on like Superior.
• 11:23
  It's in the middle of nowhere. And I just was like, this is
• 11:27
  where I wanna be. I met with a professor.
• 11:30
  I originally wanted to do environmental science.
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  And he was like, would you rather be in a lab in a
• 11:35
  classroom or outside? And I said outside, he probably
• 11:39
  was looking at my grades thinking this trick is not good
• 11:41
  at science. And he's like, we have a degree
• 11:43
  in outdoor recreation, leadership and management, and
• 11:46
  they play outside. And I was like, done.
• 11:49
  Outside and play. Outside play, recreation,
• 11:53
  leisure, all the kids were like ADHD kids like we were like
• 11:56
  let's do our homework on the beach.
• 11:58
  And I that that changed my life, like northern Michigan nature,
• 12:07
  that introduction of nature, the people there, like, I don't know
• 12:10
  where I would be. Like, I just thought it just was
• 12:13
  right because I, you know, I grew up in the suburbs.
• 12:16
  So we didn't, and my family wasn't, wouldn't say like wasn't
• 12:20
  outdoorsy, but like we didn't, you know, we didn't have that
• 12:25
  kind of connection when I was younger.
• 12:27
  And so I just fell in love. And I, I remember, I think I
• 12:31
  came home the first semester and everybody was like, who is this
• 12:34
  chick? Like I just did like a 360 and
• 12:39
  found my roots and just settled down.
• 12:41
  I graduated with honors. I loved it.
• 12:43
  I got like all A's. But as you said before, I do
• 12:47
  outdoor school. It's my second season and I love
• 12:51
  that because it's like though, like I can see myself and the
• 12:55
  kids that struggle and it's like I'm doing outdoor school because
• 12:58
  there's other ways of education and kids that unfortunately when
• 13:04
  I was younger, we said that kids like me learned not like in a
• 13:10
  wrong way, but it was so different and we need to kind of
• 13:14
  spin that because it, it's like, Oh, I'm isolated because I
• 13:18
  learned differently and it's like just because the masses do
• 13:21
  everything the same. Why is the way I learn looked at
• 13:25
  like bad or like, you know, like maybe they all learn
• 13:30
  differently. Like do you know what I'm?
• 13:32
  Talking about and there's probably a lot of people in that
• 13:34
  mass that are struggling and needing a different way to learn
• 13:38
  that are just like masking it or they don't know that there's
• 13:43
  another option. Yeah, so.
• 13:46
  And your your ability to go from being a bad student, bad student
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  to graduating with honours is such a testament to that.
• 13:53
  There are so many different ways to learn.
• 13:55
  And I loved it. I like, I loved studying what I
• 13:59
  was studying. I like fell in love with
• 14:01
  anthropology. I did a lot of Native American
• 14:03
  studies. I loved all my courses.
• 14:08
  We did a lot of like outdoor stewardship courses and I just
• 14:11
  the people that were in my little tiny major, it's a really
• 14:17
  little major. And my professors were so cool.
• 14:19
  Like I remember one of them being like, don't get a job when
• 14:22
  you graduate. Like go explore, you know, like
• 14:25
  I was not like that. And they're like, go find
• 14:27
  yourself and you're like, it's OK to do this.
• 14:31
  And I think it made my parents a little nervous.
• 14:35
  What did they expect, I mean? I think, I think it's like, you
• 14:38
  know, get a job, get health insurance, you know, kind of do
• 14:43
  on that course. But I think what I mean, you're
• 14:47
  young, right? So your parents are going to
• 14:48
  worry about you. But I feel like once, you know,
• 14:51
  they realize that I was finding my way and I could pay my bills
• 14:54
  and sustain the lifestyle that looked different, then they kind
• 14:58
  of step back. Yeah.
• 14:59
  It's like, oh, she can run around the world and only work
• 15:02
  six months but still pay her car insurance because she hasn't
• 15:05
  called me for money in, you know, a year or so.
• 15:09
  Yeah. I think they're supportive.
• 15:10
  My mom gets a little. She always tries to talk me out
• 15:12
  of trips. She'll be like, you can't go
• 15:15
  there alone. I'm like, it's OK.
• 15:17
  Yeah. I'm like, she watches a lot of
• 15:18
  like, you know, people watch like I always call it like
• 15:21
  murder porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:24
  Like the like the Emily went or not Emily, I was showing you
• 15:27
  that I don't know, but Jessica went to me where I went.
• 15:32
  I never came back and I'm like, that does happen.
• 15:34
  But my dad's really supportive my.
• 15:36
  Mother's supportive. That happens there.
• 15:41
  Yeah, we're passing the Tom Pierce Park Disc Golf Course,
• 15:45
  so. Yeah, so.
• 15:46
  And it's just, you know what's different?
• 15:47
  And I always say, like, if you don't hear from me, it's a good
• 15:50
  thing. Yeah.
• 15:51
  No news is good news, Yeah. So yeah, so I went to to sum it
• 15:55
  up, I went back and forth. So I went to Northern Michigan.
• 15:58
  I loved it. I ended up getting an internship
• 16:00
  in farming. For some reason, I wanted to do
• 16:03
  sustainability, and so I said if I want to teach environmental
• 16:06
  education, I should kind of learn how to farm.
• 16:09
  I got an internship in Washington.
• 16:11
  That was my first time out West. Wow.
• 16:13
  I feel like there's like a Midwest to out West where you're
• 16:15
  like, I want to see the mountains.
• 16:17
  So I went to Washington. Destiny.
• 16:19
  Yeah. I loved it, but I was always
• 16:22
  going to be a Yooper. So I went back and then I went
• 16:28
  on a road trip back out to Washington.
• 16:30
  I fell in love with a sailor. So I went back to Michigan,
• 16:36
  realized that I wanted to be back with him.
• 16:38
  So I came back to live on a boat for a couple years with him.
• 16:41
  That's where I kind of started learning how to sail in the
• 16:44
  sailboat life. I had no idea.
• 16:45
  I'm like, you live on a sailboat.
• 16:46
  I pictured like a boat in the middle of the ocean or
• 16:48
  something, which it is. But he also lived on a dock and
• 16:53
  then amazing guy taught me, I'm really lucky to have have had
• 16:58
  amazing partners that have like, you know, I don't have that.
• 17:01
  Like it just didn't work out because it didn't work out.
• 17:03
  But he taught he like is part of who I am and stuff.
• 17:08
  And then when I was in Washington, so I went back a
• 17:12
  couple times from Michigan to Washington and all my Michigan
• 17:16
  friends were down in Oregon and I came to visit.
• 17:20
  I ended up getting a farm job offer by this time.
• 17:23
  I've been farming for about over five years at this point now.
• 17:27
  It's been over time. And the money was good, the job
• 17:32
  was good. And it just, it just felt right.
• 17:35
  I really struggled in Washington for a lot of reasons.
• 17:40
  Everything was going wrong. It was just hard.
• 17:43
  And like you said, life should be easy.
• 17:45
  And I think it's because I was kind of resisting, like my car
• 17:48
  got broken into a bunch of times, all my money got stolen,
• 17:51
  I meet friends everywhere. I couldn't make friends.
• 17:55
  I just was like, not happy. And I kind of was trying to be,
• 18:01
  but that in itself, you know, like I learned so much.
• 18:06
  And when I came down to Oregon, it was like a golden platter.
• 18:09
  It was just like the community was everywhere.
• 18:12
  My friends were everywhere. I feel like I was like doing on
• 18:16
  a daily basis what I wanted to do.
• 18:20
  But I really miss sailing. And so it's funny and you'll
• 18:24
  love is a couple years after being down here, this girl that
• 18:29
  lived on the dock from me, her and her boyfriend had broken up
• 18:32
  and they had bought in a boat share down in Florida.
• 18:36
  And she's like, we broke up. I don't know what's going to
• 18:38
  happen, whatever. And I'm like, why don't we go?
• 18:42
  She calls me back like a week later, she's like, do you have
• 18:44
  your passport? I'm like, yeah.
• 18:46
  And she goes I logistically I figured out I think we can take
• 18:48
  the boat. So that's how I ended up sailing
• 18:51
  down to the Bahamas with this other chick and she's an amazing
• 18:56
  Sarah sailor. Shout out to Sarah.
• 18:57
  She's a total badass. I couldn't have done it without
• 19:01
  her. She always said she could do it
• 19:02
  without me, but she she could. We always joke because she's
• 19:07
  like, I need you because she can never figure out ratchet straps.
• 19:09
  I'm like, dude, you can like sail.
• 19:11
  You're like better than all these boys on the water, but
• 19:14
  like you need me for the ratchet straps.
• 19:16
  So like that's kind of. Fun.
• 19:17
  I mean, great reason to hop on board.
• 19:21
  So that kind of brought me back to sailing.
• 19:23
  So I was living in Oregon for a while and then because I do
• 19:26
  farming, I had winters off. So that kind of led me, I
• 19:30
  traveled a lot to warmer places and I like the warm.
• 19:35
  And so we were like, we ended up doing that for two seasons,
• 19:39
  which was really amazing and challenging.
• 19:43
  But also like we were, there wasn't a lot of girl teams, you
• 19:47
  know, it was a lot of couples, solo guys, families.
• 19:52
  There is a couple of really bad ass chicks alone on the water.
• 19:55
  You just don't see them a lot. So a lot of the times they'd go
• 19:58
  people and go like where's, where's your other crew?
• 20:01
  And we're like, it's us. Just the.
• 20:05
  Two of us. It's just us.
• 20:06
  That's so cool. So we had a lot of great, you
• 20:08
  know, breakdowns in the middle of the oceans.
• 20:13
  Do you know? And you would think in those
• 20:15
  moments you would I'd be panicking, but we'd like put on
• 20:19
  some music and have a quick dance party.
• 20:21
  And nothing would be working. There'd be no wind, no engine.
• 20:25
  And we're like, we're going to Just Dance it out.
• 20:27
  Yeah, because we're not going anywhere.
• 20:29
  There's nothing else to. Do there's nothing to hit.
• 20:31
  Yeah. Can't see lands, Yeah.
• 20:34
  Nowhere to go. Yeah, nowhere to go, so.
• 20:36
  No work to do. Yeah, have fun.
• 20:39
  So that was kind of a lot, but so I went from Chicago to
• 20:42
  Michigan to out West, back and forth a bunch, and then finally
• 20:46
  settle, settle in Oregon, which I love Oregon.
• 20:52
  There's been a lot of debates in my life if I still want to be
• 20:55
  here, as you know, but I just lost six months ago my best
• 21:00
  friend, my former partner, so he's Oregon.
• 21:07
  Yeah. He was a fisherman.
• 21:09
  He loved the rogue. And so, you know, I'm kind of in
• 21:13
  this journey of like, I feel like when you have a partner
• 21:17
  like you like, you know, if you have a partner, you raft, you're
• 21:20
  not going to give up rafting for that partner.
• 21:22
  That's part of you. Maybe he has his stuff,
• 21:24
  whatever. Dylan and I kind of had like
• 21:26
  made a life where we just love doing the same things.
• 21:29
  And ever since he passed, I'm like trying to figure out, I
• 21:34
  love those things still, but they're really hard.
• 21:37
  And so I'm trying to do new things, you know, like rafting
• 21:41
  has been a big thing on my mind. That boat that we sailed is for
• 21:48
  sail. So I probably will not be going
• 21:50
  back. There's I have a lot of friends.
• 21:52
  So last year I went to the Dominican Republic on my
• 21:54
  friend's boat. And so I have a lot of nooks
• 21:57
  that I can go to and still do the sailing thing.
• 22:00
  But I'm kind of just in this phase of like being chaotic
• 22:07
  feels like. Shedding and recreating and like
• 22:10
  metamorphosis. Yeah, and I definitely do not.
• 22:14
  You know, I feel like it's kind of the thing like after Dylan
• 22:18
  passed, like people saying like, how's your day?
• 22:20
  It's like, that's a loaded question.
• 22:22
  Because if I'm in a good mood, I'll just be like, OK, but if
• 22:25
  I'm not, I'll be like, well, you asked that question.
• 22:27
  But you know, I don't. I don't really put that on
• 22:30
  people because people, one thing I learned from his death is I've
• 22:34
  gotten a lot more empathetic even though I was before, but
• 22:39
  also like, you know, I, I don't want to say I'm fine when I'm
• 22:44
  not because that question is really hard.
• 22:46
  You know, people think, yeah, it's been 6 months and that's
• 22:50
  just people think it's barely anything and you're rewiring
• 22:57
  your whole body and your system. And so I try not to put that on
• 23:02
  people like they, just when they're asking you how your day
• 23:05
  is. So people that I don't really
• 23:09
  know, you know, like I, that question gives me anxiety, but
• 23:12
  it's just like, I'm OK, you know?
• 23:14
  And but then people, you can genuinely tell when they ask you
• 23:17
  if you're OK. My brother had just had a
• 23:21
  wedding, and I know a lot of his friends.
• 23:23
  And you could tell, like when I first saw them, they were like
• 23:27
  kind of brushing the surface. And then like there'd be a
• 23:30
  moment where it'd just be us. And they would be like, how are
• 23:33
  you? And you could tell like, that's
• 23:35
  a different, how are you? And then they're offering you
• 23:38
  that space to be like, actually, I'm not, OK.
• 23:43
  And I realized that you kind of have to like, I don't want to be
• 23:48
  negative, but there's a difference between being
• 23:50
  negative and being like, life sucks and all this stuff sucks
• 23:54
  and da, da, da. And this happened to me.
• 23:55
  And just sitting in the like, rawness of figuring out like,
• 24:01
  what's next, shedding layers after he died.
• 24:05
  I always picture like, you know, the movies where it's like this
• 24:09
  haunted house and this like, old witchy woman is like, she's
• 24:14
  lived there and her husband died 30 years ago and she never comes
• 24:16
  out like. I'm literally named after a
• 24:19
  story. That's that.
• 24:21
  I'm named after the William Faulkner story arose for Emily.
• 24:24
  That's where. Yeah, like person dies and their
• 24:31
  partner leaves their body in the bed and.
• 24:36
  Romantic. It's very romantic and they
• 24:38
  continue to like sleep with the corpse and wow like sleep beside
• 24:43
  not like. Not.
• 24:44
  Yeah, but like, sleep beside the corpse and yeah, yeah, my, my
• 24:49
  name is. Is that creepy story?
• 24:52
  That's funny, but I, I, I feel that like, I can see how you
• 24:58
  could not go on. Yeah, you know, and I, you know,
• 25:01
  especially like fathers and mothers and like people who
• 25:05
  maybe lost not just one kid, but two.
• 25:08
  Like I understand that like hatred or that bitterness where
• 25:13
  you don't want to, like you just want to say screw it, but you
• 25:18
  know. Especially when people tell you
• 25:20
  everything happens for a reason and you're like well what the
• 25:23
  fuck was this reason and. Like, a person had to die for me
• 25:27
  to have this lesson. Like no, Yeah.
• 25:29
  But so unfair. I realized that like, I mean, I
• 25:32
  have two, we all have two options, right?
• 25:34
  Like, you sink or swim and sinking is easier.
• 25:38
  And if I sunk, then Dylan would be disappointed in me.
• 25:42
  His family would be disappointed in me.
• 25:44
  My family would be every. You know, it's just like, so
• 25:47
  it's just like, I have to get up every day and just figure out
• 25:52
  how to navigate the world without him, which is weird.
• 25:57
  Yeah, luckily we have like a really amazing friends and
• 26:00
  families and stuff. But so I've, yeah, that's kind
• 26:04
  of where I'm at. It's a lot.
• 26:06
  It's kind of a cluster fuck of, you know, my brain is just
• 26:10
  everywhere all the time. But I'm trying to find more
• 26:15
  anchors. Yeah, I do.
• 26:19
  You know, for the last I'd say like 6 years I've worked my ass
• 26:26
  off in the summer and then left in the winters and so.
• 26:32
  Is this the first winter you're intending to?
• 26:35
  Stay last winter I intended to stay.
• 26:38
  I ended up I was actually hot spring hoe.
• 26:42
  I was sitting in a hot spring and it was a full moon and I I
• 26:47
  kind of tend to take things like week by week or month by month
• 26:52
  good. Baby steps, yeah.
• 26:54
  Especially when you're like in that phase of changing and
• 26:57
  whatever. And at this point, Dylan is was
• 27:01
  my former partner. So at this point, this was last
• 27:04
  winter, we weren't together. And I got through Christmas, got
• 27:07
  through all this stuff. And I was in a hot spring and I
• 27:10
  just was like, what do I do next?
• 27:13
  And my friend called me and he was like, I'm in the Dominican
• 27:16
  Republic on my boat, you should come down.
• 27:20
  And I bought a ticket the next day.
• 27:23
  So I went for a month. We learned how to ride
• 27:26
  motorcycles. I was like, for some reason in
• 27:28
  my head, I'm like, I want to ride a motorcycle.
• 27:31
  I want to do in the Dr. And everybody's like, you know, this
• 27:33
  is the third most dangerous place to drive in the world.
• 27:36
  And I was like, that means it's the best place to learn.
• 27:39
  All the more reason. So we didn't do, we didn't do
• 27:41
  any sailing. We were on the boat in the
• 27:44
  harbor and we just took advantage of the land.
• 27:47
  Really cheap place, beautiful, love to go back.
• 27:50
  So last year was my first year intending attending.
• 27:53
  What can I think of? What am I thinking of intending?
• 27:55
  To stay. Intending to stay.
• 27:57
  Thank you. And but this year I actually
• 28:01
  took on Dylan's dog. So I have a lot of
• 28:07
  responsibilities that I'm trying to sort out.
• 28:10
  I think that going somewhere is easy.
• 28:14
  Although it's familiar, it's what you've been.
• 28:16
  Familiar and traveling. I wouldn't say traveling is
• 28:19
  easy, right? Especially traveling as a solo
• 28:22
  woman, even if you're meeting up with friends.
• 28:27
  I will say that the travel I've done as a solo woman has been
• 28:32
  amazing, but the anxiety that it comes with sometimes I just
• 28:38
  rather have somebody, you know, like you don't have that
• 28:42
  carefree. I mean, there's a lot of pros
• 28:43
  and cons, right? Like when you travel alone,
• 28:45
  nobody else's energy can intercept.
• 28:48
  Yeah, the mission like, so if somebody says do you want to
• 28:50
  come here and they're not feeling it, you can just go.
• 28:53
  But so it's easy in that way of like I, I winters are really
• 28:59
  hard for me and my body. I've a lot of.
• 29:02
  The cold. Issues, yeah, and I just hurt
• 29:05
  and so. Even having grown up in Chicago
• 29:08
  and then being. In the UPI mean people always
• 29:10
  like you were in the UP but like once you like winter somewhere
• 29:14
  else and you're in the warm like I can't do under like 65 totally
• 29:18
  Yeah, I want to be in a bikini. So yeah, this year I insane.
• 29:21
  Relatable. I have been toying with talking
• 29:25
  to some friends who are going to some places, maybe a two week
• 29:30
  trip. I just I honestly like I don't
• 29:33
  really know. As you stated, I'm in the fall
• 29:38
  season of outdoor school so I have a few more weeks of that.
• 29:42
  OK, it's just one season. It's not.
• 29:45
  Like a whole school year, there's a spring and a fall.
• 29:49
  OK. And.
• 29:51
  So you still have winters off? So I still have winters off.
• 29:55
  Yeah, so and you know, it's a lot of it's hard to find work
• 29:58
  here. Like in summer, I know so many
• 30:00
  farms, they're like, can you do this?
• 30:02
  Can you do this? And I can pick up work seven
• 30:04
  days a week. And then in the winter it dies
• 30:07
  off. And you know, there's, there's
• 30:10
  jobs you can do. I'm a hard worker.
• 30:12
  Like I'm not afraid. Like if I got to make a $15.00
• 30:15
  an hour and like I have no other option, Like that's what I have
• 30:18
  to do. I got to do.
• 30:20
  But, you know, it's funny, like with death too, is like, well,
• 30:24
  do I want to be doing that? Yeah, You know what I mean?
• 30:29
  Like, what makes you feel alive and what do you want to do?
• 30:32
  And so and. When life is already giving you
• 30:35
  challenges and it's already being hard, why say yes to more
• 30:39
  hard things? That was, I mean, as you know
• 30:43
  and as as these people know, yeah, I've been in in a grief
• 30:47
  state for three plus years, three with my dad and then other
• 30:51
  things prior to that. And my like general vibe through
• 30:56
  the whole time has been like things are hard enough to like
• 31:00
  other people and to other situations.
• 31:02
  My response has been things are hard enough.
• 31:04
  Don't don't intentionally make things harder for me.
• 31:07
  Don't like don't give me a hard time because I'm already having
• 31:12
  a hard time. I don't need help having a
• 31:14
  harder time. Like if you can ease things for
• 31:18
  me, that'd be really. Great.
• 31:20
  Yeah. And I'm trying to find, like,
• 31:21
  the balance and stability of like, having a home.
• 31:25
  I've lived in, like, a lot of different things, you know, like
• 31:28
  I've lived in tents for months, I've lived out of my car.
• 31:31
  I lived out of trailers and boats and all these things.
• 31:34
  And I'm in the house that we had lived in before he passed with
• 31:40
  his dog. And I'm a really great community
• 31:44
  around that property. And so, you know, one of his
• 31:46
  best friends, business partner, he kind of like took me under
• 31:50
  his wing. Like when Dylan passed and it
• 31:53
  was, it was a tragic death. None of us knew it was going to
• 31:55
  happen. And he kind of was like, you
• 31:57
  just got to get staple, like you just got to get a job and and
• 32:03
  not make it hard and know that this is the amount of money
• 32:05
  you're making and then you can have the stability while
• 32:09
  figuring all this stuff out. So I actually last season, so
• 32:14
  last spring, Dylan passed in March.
• 32:17
  This the spring outdoor School started in April.
• 32:23
  So I'd gotten the job before he died.
• 32:25
  It was up at Lake in the Woods. If you guys know where Lake in
• 32:27
  the Woods is, it's beautiful. I got the job because of that.
• 32:31
  I love it. Because it was that like of.
• 32:33
  The Yeah, I was like, I want to wake up on that.
• 32:35
  Like of the woods. Yeah.
• 32:37
  And so I did that. That season was really
• 32:39
  challenging. I actually didn't like it.
• 32:42
  It gave me a lot of anxiety because we live up there.
• 32:44
  They're really long days. We work with 5th and 6th
• 32:47
  graders. I can give you a little rundown.
• 32:49
  Pretty much the state of Oregon's lottery pays for every
• 32:53
  5th and 6th grader to go to outdoor school for at least five
• 32:57
  days. So depending on the school, the
• 32:59
  school picks an outdoor program, they sign up and I am one of
• 33:03
  those places. My outdoor school, we teach
• 33:07
  wilderness skills, we teach fire science, mammals, wetlands and
• 33:14
  trees. Cool.
• 33:16
  And so, yeah, I just did that because, you know, we had broken
• 33:21
  up. And so before he passed, we'd
• 33:23
  broken up. So I'm going through this
• 33:25
  because I'm like, it was the love of my life.
• 33:27
  You know, I had this plan and then I I needed something
• 33:31
  different and more challenging. Farming, you know, I know it.
• 33:35
  So I can put my headphones on, listen to podcasts and just do
• 33:38
  it. But I didn't have anything like,
• 33:41
  you know, needing something more from me wherein this I have 5th
• 33:44
  and 6th graders that are looking up to you to show up and to
• 33:48
  teach them. And so that first season was
• 33:50
  really hard and we stayed up there.
• 33:54
  So I was trying to, I just had gotten Frieda Lake of the Woods
• 33:57
  is far from my house. I'm still in the state of like
• 34:01
  not really understanding what's going on.
• 34:04
  I would stay up there for a couple days and then every time
• 34:07
  I went home I had to go through that same thing of like
• 34:11
  remembering, like you check out for two nights and then you do
• 34:14
  it. Up walking in and him not being
• 34:16
  there and all the all the expectations and the routines
• 34:20
  and the habits having to be reformulated.
• 34:23
  And our lessons are two hours long.
• 34:25
  So like, being alone with kids for two hours and having to,
• 34:30
  like, suck up, like, I wasn't OK.
• 34:34
  You know, that was like, really challenging.
• 34:36
  But Dylan actually had the same major at Northern Michigan with
• 34:39
  me. And so that's was like his bread
• 34:41
  and butter. Too, Did you guys meet in?
• 34:43
  So we knew each other in northern Michigan, OK.
• 34:45
  But he like a lot of the friends that I'm friends without here,
• 34:50
  like my best girlfriend, who, you know, Jopie, she was best
• 34:54
  friends with Dylan. OK, So I knew him.
• 34:57
  I would see him at parties, but we didn't really, like, know
• 34:59
  each other. And then finally, when I came
• 35:01
  out here, it was like, I mean, we it was like the love at first
• 35:06
  sight. Like I was like looked into his
• 35:08
  eyes and I was like, that's the dude I'm gonna marry.
• 35:11
  It was weird. But so I knew of him back then.
• 35:14
  We had the same teachers. We did all the same program.
• 35:18
  Weren't friends, so the outdoor school is hard.
• 35:21
  And then my boss, who's really amazing, she offered me a
• 35:28
  coordinator position for this season, which was really kind of
• 35:33
  ironic because I was struggling. And so for her to be like, I see
• 35:37
  you have these traits. And so this year I'm the
• 35:39
  coordinator. Along with she sees that you
• 35:42
  have those skills and that like maybe that will be a better fit
• 35:47
  for you in your in your state in your skills to be able to kind
• 35:52
  of put your head down and be in your own space and not have to
• 35:55
  show up and fake a smile. Yeah, so I still teaching
• 35:59
  lessons and stuff, but there's also behind the scenes, and I'm
• 36:03
  really enjoying it. And it's just kind of funny how
• 36:06
  it all happened because that's one of the things I probably
• 36:10
  could have cut, like when he died, but like, I needed
• 36:14
  something to have me show up for.
• 36:17
  And so I'm really enjoying this season.
• 36:21
  It comes with the challenges. They're really long days.
• 36:26
  I still have to do the thing where I'm up there for five days
• 36:29
  and I totally zone out. You know, it's just like, do it.
• 36:32
  And then Friday comes and you're like, OK, here's reality again.
• 36:38
  Yeah. But, you know, I mean, you just,
• 36:41
  I'm just trying to get through it.
• 36:42
  And life, I feel like, gives you what you need when you need it.
• 36:48
  And they say that the universe, whatever will never give you
• 36:51
  something that you can't handle. You just have to figure out how
• 36:56
  to handle it. Yeah, so it's kind of a bitch
• 37:00
  like I do, you know, I just, and I don't know if you relate to
• 37:05
  this at all or where you're at, but like, I'm 33.
• 37:09
  So, you know, there's all these things about like breaking up in
• 37:13
  your 30s or going through grief in your 30s.
• 37:16
  And it's, it's a really interesting time to be a, like,
• 37:21
  a woman in this age because, you know, like, I did want a family.
• 37:27
  I did want kids. I also have this huge healing
• 37:30
  journey in front of me. The clock is ticking.
• 37:32
  Like, it's just kind of, it's interesting and it's made me a
• 37:37
  lot more empathetic towards, you know, I think before Dylan died,
• 37:42
  Like if if you if you don't go through an experience, you don't
• 37:45
  know how to relate to it. Yeah.
• 37:47
  And you do have best intentions. Like if you're pregnant and
• 37:50
  you're bitching about your day, it's like, maybe your instinct
• 37:54
  is to be like, well, at least you can get pregnant because a
• 37:57
  lot of people can't. Yeah, that doesn't matter.
• 38:00
  Yeah, They want to be validated. Yeah.
• 38:02
  They want to like, if their day still sucks, but you're coming
• 38:05
  from a place of trying to be positive.
• 38:10
  But that's what I've kind of learned is that you don't.
• 38:15
  Some people don't need. That that's not what they need.
• 38:17
  They know, they know that in the back of their head, but they're
• 38:20
  experiencing this shitty thing right now and that's still real
• 38:24
  and valid. And just acknowledging that oh,
• 38:28
  like gives less weight to it, takes the weight of the
• 38:31
  shittiness off a little bit, and then they can find that positive
• 38:37
  thing from the back burner and bring it forward again when
• 38:39
  they're not having to deny that this does suck.
• 38:43
  Like right? Yeah, so.
• 38:45
  Things can suck, and that's OK. Yeah, so I'm kind of like
• 38:48
  learning how to navigate, you know, that space of like being
• 38:55
  around all these people that are starting families and having
• 38:58
  kids and learning how to like truly be happy for them.
• 39:04
  And, you know, sometimes friends do come and they, you know,
• 39:08
  bitch about something. And I'm like, I wish I had a
• 39:11
  fight to bitch about, you know, and, but you know, and I think
• 39:18
  it's funny, like especially with like pregnant women, it's like,
• 39:21
  you know, I don't know if you're a lot of around, a lot of
• 39:23
  pregnant women are like your friends are getting married and
• 39:25
  there's all these different challenges.
• 39:27
  And I'm just like, I kind of feel like they're over here and
• 39:30
  I'm over here. But it's almost like not linear
• 39:33
  because it's like in life, it's like you do this, this and this
• 39:36
  and this. Well, people like me anyways,
• 39:38
  who are going off and running to the Caribbean all the time.
• 39:41
  Like it's not a linear stage. So yeah.
• 39:46
  Compared to theirs, yeah. Compared to theirs and it's like
• 39:51
  they have their things and like I have mine and it's just, it's
• 39:57
  yeah, it's so it's been a challenge to navigate that in my
• 40:01
  own realm and not like compare and, you know, I'm just.
• 40:07
  I'm on the path that was presented to me.
• 40:11
  So, and I think, you know, like it's cliche, but like you run to
• 40:17
  nature, right? Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 40:20
  That's that's part of why this podcast came about was through
• 40:25
  my through my grief and my challenges and hardships.
• 40:29
  Like nature was the place that I found I could keep going to for
• 40:34
  solace, for lessons that were like achievable, like recovering
• 40:41
  from Java dying was like the worst pain I had felt in my life
• 40:49
  up to that point. And that felt too big to deal
• 40:56
  with, but OK, I can go on the river and I break an oar.
• 41:00
  There's a solution for that. Like the challenges in nature
• 41:05
  felt just accomplishable. And the challenges of of grief
• 41:11
  and of seeing life in a new way felt almost impossible.
• 41:17
  And and nature kept giving me that reminder that I could do
• 41:21
  hard things, that there were solutions to the challenges,
• 41:25
  that this like this was the simplicity of life, that like.
• 41:33
  It's like so simple but so complicated, right?
• 41:35
  Like especially water like. This river is always the same.
• 41:39
  This is always the Rogue River. Yeah.
• 41:41
  But this water that we're floating on will never float on
• 41:44
  again. Yeah.
• 41:45
  Like the molecules are changing and the, the currents and the
• 41:49
  Rapids and the eddies and the tumultuous times.
• 41:53
  Like being in a rapid and feeling the the fear and the
• 41:56
  anxiety and the heightened senses.
• 41:59
  Like that's the like onset of the grief.
• 42:02
  And then the rapid eases out and find a mellow place and maybe
• 42:09
  get swirled around in an Eddy for a while and have to look at
• 42:12
  the shit that you just went through.
• 42:14
  And maybe you might have to go through it again depending on
• 42:17
  how the water is swirling. And then you find a calm patch
• 42:21
  again and regroup, reset, and get ready for whatever the next
• 42:26
  rapid is going to throw at you. Yeah, strategic.
• 42:29
  So you don't don't have time to think.
• 42:31
  I feel like in nature, if you're a rock climber or a sailor, you
• 42:36
  float the river. Everything is strategy and non
• 42:40
  emotional. And I'm an emotional being very
• 42:43
  emotional. And so you just kinda, you do
• 42:49
  what you have to do. That's why I, like, fell in love
• 42:52
  with riding motorcycles. Just like I didn't have time to
• 42:55
  think about anything. Yeah, you know, I'm like you.
• 42:58
  Don't have time to think about anything, but also all you're
• 43:00
  doing is like thinking. All you're doing is thinking
• 43:03
  about shifting gears and that I would die if I fell, right?
• 43:08
  Yeah. It's forced presence.
• 43:10
  Yes, it's. Being forced to be completely in
• 43:14
  the present moment, the present activity, the present challenge,
• 43:17
  and not all the other. But it takes.
• 43:20
  Something that you're risking your life to be in that.
• 43:23
  Yeah. And like, I'm sure some people
• 43:24
  can get that if they're writing poems or doing something that I
• 43:28
  guess you would say considers not as risky.
• 43:31
  But for me, it's like, I need it.
• 43:34
  It really just cleared my brain because all I all I could think
• 43:39
  about was what I was doing and getting into that like flow
• 43:42
  state. So I'm trying to do that more.
• 43:46
  I when I got back here, I really wanted to get a bike and then
• 43:50
  life happened. But I have some goals of doing
• 43:53
  things like that more. I think that would be you can
• 43:56
  still. Have that as a goal, like it
• 43:57
  doesn't have to be time. Based.
• 43:59
  Yeah, yeah, for sure. That was my Co host Heather,
• 44:04
  yesterday we were saying, Oh yeah, it was a goal to to get on
• 44:08
  the river more or to get to a certain river and and that
• 44:12
  didn't happen. So Oh well.
• 44:14
  But like it can still happen. Yeah, just it hasn't happened
• 44:18
  yet. But it can and probably still
• 44:20
  will happen, just at a different time.
• 44:24
  So yeah, it's kind of life's interesting.
• 44:27
  There's a lot. And I like I said 8,000,000
• 44:30
  times on here, like I'm so emotional.
• 44:33
  I kind of grew up with the attitude of like, you work hard,
• 44:36
  you get what you want. And I think in some cases that's
• 44:41
  true. Like you want to run this
• 44:45
  certain mile time and you practice and you practice and
• 44:48
  you do it. But like, there's so many
• 44:52
  factors in life that I think if you work hard at something like
• 44:56
  it doesn't always mean you'll get it, which I think is
• 45:01
  something that I'm trying to unlearn.
• 45:04
  And maybe if you really want something, maybe it's not what's
• 45:08
  what's good for you and. You're not.
• 45:11
  If you're working really hard to get something and you're not
• 45:13
  getting it, yeah, maybe it's not.
• 45:15
  But you know, it's true, like a lot of people don't surrender.
• 45:18
  You know, like how many times I hear all the time of people
• 45:21
  being so fascinated that I just piece together work and I take
• 45:26
  two months off and I live this like certain lifestyle And it's
• 45:31
  just, it's a lot of people live in the comfort and that's OK for
• 45:35
  them. Like if that's how they live
• 45:36
  their life. For me, I've always just been a
• 45:40
  little. I just need that.
• 45:43
  I need the unknown. But I am looking for a little
• 45:46
  more stability because I think the older you get, you know, you
• 45:49
  do start to think of like, you know, I've like I was saying
• 45:54
  before, like I'm 33 and I, I'm alone.
• 45:58
  And so I don't have a partner to like financially help me.
• 46:02
  And I don't have, you know, a partner to help me build this
• 46:06
  thing in my house. And not saying that that won't
• 46:09
  ever happen, but it's kind of a reality check of like, I have
• 46:13
  these friends that, you know, I'm so happy for them.
• 46:17
  And it's like, I don't have that support right now.
• 46:22
  And so you kind of have to like, get your masculine side.
• 46:27
  And there's like a lot of work in my house I want to do.
• 46:29
  And I'm like, all right, well. You either figure out how to do
• 46:32
  it, you better, you hire someone to do it, or you let it go.
• 46:36
  And you say, well, this is this just isn't something that needs
• 46:41
  that really needs to be done because I don't want to figure
• 46:44
  out how to do it and I don't want to pay somebody to do it.
• 46:46
  So it must not be that important to be done either right now or
• 46:50
  maybe ever. Yeah, because same.
• 46:52
  I'm, I'm a single woman living in a house that I'm solely
• 46:57
  responsible for and I don't have, I don't have anybody to
• 47:02
  call. I I live with a wonderful
• 47:04
  lesbian and she's she takes on a lot of the like man chops
• 47:10
  that's. Her my way.
• 47:12
  OK, cute dramatic cut here. This episode is brought to you
• 47:17
  by Dead Camera Batteries. May we always have a few more in
• 47:21
  our backpacks. Enjoy.
• 47:24
  Okay, we're back after battery. Change you are back.
• 47:28
  Refresh you have battery. Change, I have my battery
• 47:30
  change. Shout out to your Mamante.
• 47:33
  Yeah. Dude, I drink like eight of
• 47:36
  these a day. They should sponsor me and this
• 47:38
  podcast. Yeah.
• 47:40
  Please. I like all these pictures of the
• 47:43
  can, like in a cool hot spring or like at a cool place.
• 47:46
  I'm like, why do I like? It's like my like this is my
• 47:49
  girlfriend. Just reach out to them.
• 47:51
  That was when when I was working for T JS Reggae band way back
• 47:56
  when, I was responsible for, like, sponsorships and some
• 47:59
  marketing. And I found that I just reached
• 48:02
  out to places and they weren't like giving us money, but
• 48:08
  reached out to a coconut water company.
• 48:10
  And next thing I know, we have 40 cases of coconut water on our
• 48:13
  porch. And all we had to do was like,
• 48:16
  send a few pictures in here and there.
• 48:18
  Yeah. I don't know if they ever used
• 48:19
  any of them, but we were drinking coconut water for 12
• 48:24
  weeks on tour. So you never know what, just a
• 48:27
  little e-mail saying, hey, I love your product and I go
• 48:32
  places, I drink and people see me drinking it.
• 48:35
  And if you send me some, I'll send you some pictures.
• 48:38
  I love that. Yeah.
• 48:39
  So I brought on my phone. I'm not, I'm not a poet.
• 48:42
  I don't write my sentence structures.
• 48:44
  Sentence structures. Horrible.
• 48:47
  I went to there's an outdoor school conference up.
• 48:51
  Do you know where manzanita is? I do.
• 48:53
  I've never been there but I've heard it's.
• 48:55
  Probably one of my favorite places we always went to like
• 48:58
  Crescent City which is California, or Brookings but.
• 49:01
  Because it's the. Closest it was amazing.
• 49:03
  Town to Southern Oregon. I I, I go to water.
• 49:08
  Yeah. I mean, I and you know, I really
• 49:11
  do love rivers, but I like the the open bodies and.
• 49:16
  I almost suggested that we drive out to Brookings for this, and
• 49:19
  then I was like, well, if I'm saying Lake of the Woods is a
• 49:21
  little too far, like Brookings is gonna definitely be too far.
• 49:25
  Amazing. And so I I snuck away from the
• 49:29
  outdoor conference. I heard manzanita.
• 49:30
  It was cool and I just, you know, I was having, it was the
• 49:33
  first time I was at the coast since Dylan passed.
• 49:36
  And like, it's funny because like you go through all these
• 49:38
  things, right? Like especially with me, it's
• 49:41
  like we did so many things outdoors.
• 49:43
  It's like the first time that you're on the river without it,
• 49:46
  the first time you do this, the first time you do this, and the
• 49:50
  1st. Are the hardest.
• 49:52
  Yeah. And there's a lot of them.
• 49:53
  There's probably 10,000 of them. And so I go over there and I
• 49:57
  spread some of his ashes, which I did bring some if we want to.
• 50:02
  Sprinkle some I would feel, but I like I'm so I'm so grateful
• 50:07
  that you've said yes to this to talk about yourself also and to
• 50:11
  talk about Dylan a little bit because he was on my list of
• 50:15
  people and. Yeah.
• 50:18
  Pulling out for Dylan and I've I've referenced him on multiple
• 50:23
  episodes already because one of our first ones we were out on a
• 50:26
  drift boat and the fishing guide brought pizza out of the oven
• 50:31
  and I was like fuck, like she was.
• 50:34
  I would Dylan in his drift boat kitchen like this is what this
• 50:37
  is what I wanted to do with him. And then we interviewed APCT
• 50:42
  hiker the other day. And so we started talking about
• 50:45
  wild and Cheryl Strayed and I was like, Oh my God, by homie,
• 50:47
  Dylan was an extra movie. And so like I've, I've gotten to
• 50:52
  reference him multiple times in in these episodes and we weren't
• 50:56
  even, we weren't all that close like, but we just, we knew each
• 51:00
  other and there was absolutely love for each other and.
• 51:04
  I feel like that's an ode to, like, who he was, you know, like
• 51:07
  he just was. They do like the good does die
• 51:10
  young. Yeah.
• 51:12
  And I think that's been the like the lesson that I have tried to
• 51:17
  glean from unfortunate and untimely deaths is like the
• 51:24
  appreciation for life that it it brings out of like he, he would
• 51:31
  have continued, he would have continued to live his life in
• 51:34
  this great way. And it would be a disservice to
• 51:38
  not, like, live life in a way that he'd be proud of or that he
• 51:44
  would. Sink or swim, right?
• 51:45
  It's like he would be disappointed.
• 51:47
  And it's hard because, you know, Dylan never went through this.
• 51:51
  You know, there was a couple people that had passed, but, you
• 51:54
  know, we were saying there's there's different people like he
• 51:58
  he never lost somebody to this extent.
• 52:01
  Yeah. And so I never got to see him
• 52:03
  through this journey. And he would have found the
• 52:08
  bright side. And so it's it sucks because you
• 52:11
  got to, you know, people say, like, use his love and get
• 52:14
  through it. And it's some days I just want
• 52:16
  to like scream at that because I'm like, I don't want to
• 52:21
  harness the love that's not here anymore.
• 52:23
  Like I need him to answer this question.
• 52:26
  Even when you ask me locations, I'm like, you know, he was just
• 52:29
  like I always thought he would be there.
• 52:32
  And so with him, like I had, especially with nature, like I'm
• 52:38
  a great, like I said, I've traveled a lot alone, but I'm a
• 52:41
  great passenger Princess. He's like, I'm going fishing on
• 52:44
  the road, want to come. I like grab my blanket, grab my
• 52:47
  book. I'm going with him, but I don't
• 52:49
  have my stuff and I'm just like not paying attention where we're
• 52:51
  going and there's so because. You don't need to because he'd
• 52:54
  take. Care of it and there's so many
• 52:56
  spots that like I just am miss like and I find myself texting
• 53:00
  people being like, do you remember the one spot I lost his
• 53:03
  club and done and they're like what?
• 53:04
  And I'm like I just you know, I wouldn't say it's a regret, but
• 53:08
  I do wish I had things logged more as to like where was the
• 53:15
  spot on the road or where was this?
• 53:17
  But anyways, so back to I went to manzanita.
• 53:22
  I was having a Dylan moment and I just was like staring at
• 53:25
  water. And I thought of something.
• 53:28
  And so I wrote it down and it says some go to the water or
• 53:34
  trees, some go to the rocks in the desert or to the sand on the
• 53:38
  beach. Why do we go to just look at
• 53:40
  these things? Because all that's ever there is
• 53:43
  what we see and all that's there is what there will ever be.
• 53:47
  And it was just kind of like, I'm just like staring and I'm
• 53:50
  like, this is all the same. Like, you know, you go to run
• 53:54
  and you go to like, maybe run to the river or like to the beach
• 53:58
  or like all these things and like, you're just going to like,
• 54:02
  it's like a like the reflection on your mind.
• 54:04
  Yeah. 100. Percent like what is the ocean
• 54:07
  telling me? Like I'm just watching the waves
• 54:09
  crash out and. That you're watching the waves
• 54:13
  crash and and that it like you're supposed to like it's OK
• 54:17
  to crash, it's OK to crash out it's OK to to recede and to come
• 54:22
  back. It's OK to feel stormy and then
• 54:27
  have the sun come out and shine some light on and, and dry it up
• 54:32
  and then fall in again. And like the the water analogies
• 54:39
  and the nature analogies are so true to, to grief and life and
• 54:44
  that it's yeah, it hasn't changed, but it's also entirely
• 54:48
  different. And you see it differently when
• 54:50
  you're not with the person who brought the light.
• 54:53
  Right. And I think I that's like why
• 54:55
  I'm loving Outdoor School is because I want to be creating
• 55:03
  that space so that kids have that outlet because, you know,
• 55:09
  we get all different schools and some schools you're like, OK,
• 55:12
  these are farm kids, you know that they already got that.
• 55:15
  But then you get the, you know. The city kids the.
• 55:18
  City kids and they've never been out in the in the woods before
• 55:24
  and. They've never touched dirt with
• 55:27
  their bare feet. Yeah.
• 55:28
  And I want to like be, you know, just like part of that and part
• 55:32
  of that movement to like, you know, everything's so structured
• 55:37
  in kids life, like school, like they don't know and they
• 55:40
  probably don't understand. But it's something that like
• 55:43
  I've had, I went to a camp growing up, a YMCA camp.
• 55:48
  I went for two weeks every summer.
• 55:49
  And I don't think I've realized the impact until I could have
• 55:53
  evaluated it when I was, you know, this age.
• 55:56
  Yeah, totally. And so you want to kind of be
• 55:59
  that force behind them and they have all these electronics and
• 56:05
  all these, you know, the cement cities and stuff.
• 56:10
  And you want to be part of that. And it's just really magical to
• 56:15
  some of them, and some of them really grow.
• 56:19
  And it's amazing because you hope that then they find that
• 56:23
  they do love nature. And one thing I really try to
• 56:26
  push is I think it's all about your comfortability level.
• 56:31
  Like a lot of people aren't comfortable in nature because
• 56:33
  they don't know how to be comfortable.
• 56:35
  Yeah, it's foreign, it's unfamiliar.
• 56:37
  Maybe they've been told or they've seen something scary
• 56:40
  about nature. And so it feels like a dangerous
• 56:44
  place at a really like, yeah, sure, there's inherent dangers
• 56:48
  to nature, but there's inherent dangers to not nature also, so.
• 56:53
  Yeah, I mean driving in car is very dangerous.
• 56:56
  Yeah, but it's so, you know, we do it every day and even like
• 57:01
  being now that it's cold, it's, you know, they're like freezing
• 57:04
  outside in a lesson. And so like you can't
• 57:06
  concentrate while you're cold. It's like, well, what did you
• 57:08
  learn? You know, layers when I in my in
• 57:12
  college, we a lesson pack a bag and wear layers.
• 57:15
  Like that was like part of it of like, how can you be comfortable
• 57:19
  because you're not going to learn?
• 57:21
  Well, you learn when you're uncomfortable also.
• 57:26
  So yeah, it's, it's, it's been very rewarding.
• 57:30
  And I love being able to be that hub of information and
• 57:35
  inspiration of. And you know what?
• 57:37
  Maybe nature is not for everyone in a way.
• 57:40
  Maybe some people are like, I went camping and I hated it.
• 57:43
  And now I live in New York City. But I do think there is
• 57:47
  something behind it. And I do think people tend to
• 57:50
  just chill out. Yeah.
• 57:52
  And they learn things about themselves.
• 57:55
  And I actually brought something for you.
• 57:59
  So we have something, they're called instructor beads.
• 58:03
  And there's something that you can give out to kids when they,
• 58:07
  you know, I don't want to say do something good, but I do it when
• 58:12
  they challenge themselves. A lot of the times I think some
• 58:16
  people it's like it's not the teacher's pet, right?
• 58:19
  Like I do it when the kid is struggling.
• 58:21
  They've never been to camp and they like went above their
• 58:25
  comfort zone to do it. So mine are these pins and I
• 58:30
  brought you a fire one because you lit a fire under my ass by
• 58:33
  doing this podcast and getting me out on the water.
• 58:36
  Thank you, Kyle. And what's funny is when I give
• 58:39
  these to kids, I like have to not cry because they are like,
• 58:44
  it's always the troubled kid. Yeah.
• 58:47
  Not that it hasn't. Well.
• 58:48
  I mean. But and they like.
• 58:50
  Haven't been acknowledged or appreciated like the.
• 58:52
  Class pet does not need that. Yeah, I mean, we love.
• 58:55
  All of them, of course. But it's like the kid that is
• 58:59
  just struggling and then you see that they, you know, even if
• 59:05
  it's like eating something that they're not used to, like a lot
• 59:08
  of things that I learned are just that they're scared.
• 59:11
  And that's like with nature too, like, or doing something like
• 59:17
  you don't do something because you're scared and you need those
• 59:20
  people behind you to be like, it's OK and to take those risks
• 59:25
  because then you're not going to learn.
• 59:26
  I mean, like I told you, I really want to start rafting.
• 59:29
  I'm not learning right now. I'm just like with you.
• 59:32
  But if I'm gonna, if I said no to this opportunity.
• 59:37
  You might say no to the next. One acting is part of the goal
• 59:40
  then like what am I doing? Yeah, yeah.
• 59:43
  And part of one of the great, my, my really good friend Sarah,
• 59:50
  one of my favorite quotes of hers is to do it scared because
• 59:55
  that's what builds, that's what courage is.
• 59:58
  That's what builds resilience and builds strong people to know
• 1:00:03
  that they can get through hard things.
• 1:00:06
  They can overcome challenges that are presented to them.
• 1:00:09
  And that like, yeah, you may be scared.
• 1:00:11
  It may be hard, but you can still do it like this.
• 1:00:16
  This island section of the clam beds.
• 1:00:21
  We're at the clam beds. And we got a little island
• 1:00:26
  split. I've definitely, I've kind of
• 1:00:30
  had a fire of anger under my ass lately that I am trying to
• 1:00:37
  utilize like. The anger of like life without
• 1:00:42
  Dylan. Yeah, just like other things,
• 1:00:45
  like sometimes when I want things to work and they don't
• 1:00:49
  totally just get frustrated. Yeah, because you like, want it.
• 1:00:53
  Yeah, but it should be easy because it should be working.
• 1:00:56
  It should be happening. You should have it.
• 1:00:58
  Yeah, it's like when it's kind of like when things aren't
• 1:01:01
  working, then you realize it's not going to work.
• 1:01:03
  I just get mad. I'm like, but I want it to work.
• 1:01:06
  And so I've kind of been using that to get me to do the hard
• 1:01:12
  things like get me to like do those workouts.
• 1:01:16
  Like I stopped working out especially like like years ago.
• 1:01:19
  I'm very active. Person.
• 1:01:21
  Yeah, yeah. But I'm not a gym person
• 1:01:23
  totally. But now I just like.
• 1:01:24
  Have your farm fit. Yeah, I'm farm bet.
• 1:01:27
  But now I have this like explosive Dr. where it's like I
• 1:01:31
  want to run, like I want to do these hard things.
• 1:01:34
  Can I have you hold this so it doesn't fall over?
• 1:01:41
  Here we go. Shallow little spot.
• 1:01:49
  This is the fun part. Not run into the wall and not
• 1:01:55
  run into the strainer. Wow, that was perfect.
• 1:02:01
  I don't know if the camera got that, but that was some skill I
• 1:02:07
  used to go down to do the rogue. I would do it like weekly on my
• 1:02:13
  paddle board. Nice.
• 1:02:14
  And it was like, you know, not rough sections.
• 1:02:18
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:02:18
  What section would you do? I would do from the beach in
• 1:02:23
  Gold Hill to my farm. Nice.
• 1:02:28
  So it was a really easy section. Is the farm riverfront?
• 1:02:32
  Yeah, awesome. Well, we, it's not technically
• 1:02:35
  on the property, but we have rights to it.
• 1:02:37
  So our pump is so we could get out there.
• 1:02:39
  Nice. But it just added that like
• 1:02:43
  because it's like kind of like a day drinking flow, but on the
• 1:02:47
  paddle board like get up on your knees or stand.
• 1:02:49
  It just adds that like one element of.
• 1:02:51
  Excitement, little challenge, a challenge that is like safe and
• 1:02:56
  comfortable and those I think hitting those small little
• 1:03:01
  challenges makes the big challenges feel a little bit
• 1:03:05
  more attainable. Yeah, for sure.
• 1:03:08
  Yeah. So yeah, I think my goals, it's
• 1:03:13
  going to be interesting to see if I stay in the winter.
• 1:03:16
  Yeah. And like my house is wood stove
• 1:03:19
  heated only and it's hard because like you get home, it's
• 1:03:23
  cold. But like, hi, that's one thing
• 1:03:26
  that I've loved about nature and, and what's funny is people
• 1:03:33
  kind of mate, woodsy people kind of made me love nature because
• 1:03:37
  it's this lifestyle of like on the boat, we actually had this
• 1:03:43
  stuff. I hope she watches this.
• 1:03:45
  We had this star chart and if you did something good, you'd
• 1:03:49
  get a cup, 1/2 a cup of water for your shower.
• 1:03:52
  But we also didn't have that much water and a lot we would
• 1:03:57
  sacrifice our showers to make ice so he could put ice in our
• 1:04:00
  cocktails. We had a we had, we had an ice
• 1:04:03
  maker. So like we didn't have like all
• 1:04:05
  these amenities, right? We're like have only so many
• 1:04:08
  gallons of water, but like we're still making ice.
• 1:04:11
  We have a little ice. Is essential.
• 1:04:14
  But it just makes you think of those things.
• 1:04:15
  Like, for me, I live in the woods and I have a wood stove.
• 1:04:18
  And, like, one of the hard things for me is like, like, I
• 1:04:22
  always split wood. But Dylan brought the wood.
• 1:04:24
  Yeah. You know, And I think even last
• 1:04:30
  year I helped him with it. But now, you know, you think
• 1:04:34
  about those things and that makes you think about, like,
• 1:04:37
  life and what's actually important.
• 1:04:40
  Like, a lot of people just in the city walk in their homes and
• 1:04:42
  it's heat it. Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  Well when I get home and I'm already freezing, I got to heat
• 1:04:46
  my house. And then it doesn't get hot
• 1:04:49
  right away. Yeah.
• 1:04:50
  And I have to think of like, how much would I want?
• 1:04:52
  And I've always kind of geared towards that or geared feared
• 1:04:57
  towards that way of life a little bit more.
• 1:05:01
  It's definitely harder. It like makes it complicated.
• 1:05:04
  Like a lot of my friends are like, why don't you just go get
• 1:05:07
  a house that when something's broke, something somebody can
• 1:05:10
  fix. But then I'm not living in 16
• 1:05:13
  acres, not seeing anybody. Yeah, you know, like there's.
• 1:05:16
  Trade-offs tall. Yeah.
• 1:05:17
  And I think that's like really important to remember,
• 1:05:20
  especially when you're frustrated or you're venting
• 1:05:24
  about your situation. It's like saying the good with
• 1:05:28
  with the bad. It's like, you know, like I have
• 1:05:34
  all these or I got to do this wood stove and what?
• 1:05:36
  But like, I live on 16 acres. I can have as many friends over
• 1:05:40
  as I want. I don't see any other houses my
• 1:05:43
  daughter can run around. And there's lots of people who
• 1:05:45
  live in a central heated home who long for a wood stove.
• 1:05:50
  Yeah. Who long for the work that it
• 1:05:53
  is, or the warmth, the like whimsy of having a fire in your
• 1:05:57
  home and. It is cozy and but it's just
• 1:06:00
  it's just, I don't know, it just I feel like it makes it keeps it
• 1:06:04
  makes life kind of kick your ass a little bit and remember that
• 1:06:08
  like without all of these, I kind of say like fake realities
• 1:06:13
  of comforts, like when everything fell like how are you
• 1:06:18
  going to get your heat? Totally.
• 1:06:19
  Because we're all. Relying on one system.
• 1:06:22
  And so I've always gone towards trying to be more.
• 1:06:26
  I mean, that's with the boat, right?
• 1:06:27
  Like your solar panels and your batteries, like all your systems
• 1:06:32
  are your systems. And I love that.
• 1:06:37
  I love being self reliant in that way.
• 1:06:39
  And that's kind of why I went more towards farming rather than
• 1:06:43
  originally like outdoor education.
• 1:06:45
  But. So also, so like, yes, you have
• 1:06:48
  to split the wood, carry the wood, do the fire, and also you
• 1:06:53
  get to do that because that's ultimately what you do want to
• 1:06:57
  be doing. It may be hard and a challenge
• 1:07:00
  and you're doing what you want to do.
• 1:07:04
  I I've, I've made this switch in my brain recently where I've
• 1:07:09
  determined I've decided that whatever I'm doing is something
• 1:07:13
  I want to do. And so even if this thing that I
• 1:07:16
  had plans to do and was really looking forward to doing falls
• 1:07:19
  through doesn't happen for some reason.
• 1:07:21
  Well, the alternative is still I'm still doing something I want
• 1:07:24
  to do. Yeah.
• 1:07:26
  And that has helped me to kind of to not feel.
• 1:07:31
  I mean, maybe I'm sad that like I was supposed to be on the
• 1:07:33
  river last week, but the river was on fire and the Canyon was
• 1:07:38
  closed and I couldn't go on my river trip.
• 1:07:42
  And I was sad. I was really looking forward to
• 1:07:44
  it. And also now I had time and
• 1:07:47
  space to clean out my closet and clean up my rafting equipment
• 1:07:53
  shed and have a like a slower pace in my week.
• 1:07:59
  And so it still gave me things that I wanted to do that were on
• 1:08:03
  my list of things to do. And it was just just a trade one
• 1:08:07
  thing for the other. But I still get to do things
• 1:08:10
  that I want to do. I love that because I think that
• 1:08:13
  I'm struggling with that. Like a lot of the things,
• 1:08:17
  sometimes I'm like I have to do and like.
• 1:08:20
  Yeah, yeah. You know, like, I can't not like
• 1:08:23
  work like I have to like pay these bills and I have to like
• 1:08:27
  maintain this. And I think a lot of it is
• 1:08:30
  perception and worded so. You have to pay the bill and
• 1:08:34
  also you get to pay the bill that then gives you that thing
• 1:08:37
  that you're so reliant on or you're grateful to have or that
• 1:08:42
  brings you this joy or. And it's really flipping that
• 1:08:45
  script, right. So last, let's see, when I
• 1:08:48
  finished, I think I finished in December, I took AI, got my
• 1:08:54
  certification, my health and Wellness coaching certification
• 1:09:01
  through this Institute of Integrated Nutrition.
• 1:09:05
  And it was kind of, so if you're a health or Wellness coach, you
• 1:09:12
  don't like, treat or prescribe, but you bridge the gap between
• 1:09:16
  like a doctor and a patient. So like, you go to a doctor and
• 1:09:22
  the doctor is like, you're gluten intolerant, and then you
• 1:09:24
  leave and for 30 years of your life, you've ate in a certain
• 1:09:29
  way. So many people get diagnosed
• 1:09:32
  with things, whether it's like physical or mental, and they
• 1:09:35
  don't know how to make a plan. Yeah.
• 1:09:40
  And so it's kind of silly. And I think because it's some
• 1:09:43
  people say a pseudoscience that it's not important, but we all
• 1:09:49
  have these like goals and things we want to change and some
• 1:09:53
  people just don't have the tools.
• 1:09:56
  And so then we come along and like you say, it's like flipping
• 1:09:59
  the script. And we as Wellness coaches look
• 1:10:04
  to a lot of different aspects. So a lot of health and Wellness.
• 1:10:07
  You think of what physical and mental and like what you eat.
• 1:10:12
  But it's your finances, it's your friendships, it's your home
• 1:10:15
  environment, it's everything. It's your relationship to
• 1:10:18
  nature. It's all these things.
• 1:10:21
  And. It's all the stuff in your home.
• 1:10:23
  Yeah, your. Schedule your routine.
• 1:10:26
  Yeah. And so that just reminded me of
• 1:10:28
  what you said of like I get to do.
• 1:10:30
  It's like we come in and we help you flip the script to say that
• 1:10:35
  because that makes a huge impact in your life, right?
• 1:10:38
  Like if you're like, I have to do this and it's like, well, you
• 1:10:42
  have to do this because it makes you get what you want to do.
• 1:10:46
  So maybe say you want to do this because you have, you know, you
• 1:10:49
  can't have A without B. And it was a really, it was a
• 1:10:55
  really great class for me. And I've we did these in person
• 1:11:00
  Zoom and a lot of people had a hard time with like faith or
• 1:11:03
  connecting to nature. And they kind of looked at me
• 1:11:05
  like, I don't do that a lot. And so I would give them these
• 1:11:09
  like little tidbits or like things that like I do to check
• 1:11:15
  in and it's like as little as like coming to the water or
• 1:11:18
  something, but. And those things probably feel
• 1:11:21
  so like just part of who you are.
• 1:11:24
  You take it for granted a little bit.
• 1:11:26
  And but for somebody else who doesn't have that practice, it
• 1:11:30
  can completely transform their life.
• 1:11:32
  Well, and it's kind of like how easy was getting the boat in the
• 1:11:34
  lot. Like you do this all the time,
• 1:11:36
  right my. Boat's on the trailer all the
• 1:11:37
  time. Right.
• 1:11:38
  And so I just had to put the. Trailer up to the truck and good
• 1:11:41
  to go. Yeah.
• 1:11:41
  And so when you do something, when you do it all the time, you
• 1:11:49
  it's just as part of your life. And so I'm trying to get in that
• 1:11:53
  mode of having these things be a part of my life and not be a big
• 1:11:59
  deal. Yeah.
• 1:12:00
  Yeah. Like, you know, something like,
• 1:12:02
  oh, like you just bought a plane ticket for here for a week.
• 1:12:06
  So some people that's like a like huge thing for me, like
• 1:12:09
  spontaneously. No, I need 6.
• 1:12:11
  Months to plan this? I'm just used to it.
• 1:12:14
  I'm used to winging it. And but yeah, I like that you
• 1:12:17
  just said that because I think I need to remind myself that more
• 1:12:21
  of like, I think especially because I didn't choose for
• 1:12:25
  Dylan to die, that there's things that I'm doing because I
• 1:12:29
  didn't want to. Like, I don't want to live in
• 1:12:32
  this world without him. But like you have to change your
• 1:12:36
  mindset about that. And it's a good reminder because
• 1:12:40
  that makes a difference in your life, especially when you're
• 1:12:43
  like, when you're. Choosing to sink or swim, it's
• 1:12:46
  what you tell yourself and how you perceive the world and your
• 1:12:51
  situation that can give you the flotation that you need.
• 1:12:54
  Yeah, and that's why I love being around people that do.
• 1:12:58
  I don't know if extreme sports is the word, but outdoorsy,
• 1:13:02
  Yeah. Team I don't know activities is
• 1:13:07
  because they're always in this mindset of like pushing each
• 1:13:10
  other, watching their words. I love debriefing, you know,
• 1:13:13
  like I love being like what went wrong?
• 1:13:16
  How did you talk to each other like all that?
• 1:13:19
  Are we going to do this better next time?
• 1:13:21
  Yeah, and I love being in that. That's why I love like my boat
• 1:13:25
  partner and I like she we had like in a people like don't you
• 1:13:28
  guys fight like 2 girl? I'm like, we never fought ever.
• 1:13:32
  Like we just did what we had to do.
• 1:13:35
  Yeah. And we when?
• 1:13:36
  You're in that flow state. You know what's expected, you
• 1:13:39
  know what the outcomes are gonna be, you know what your
• 1:13:42
  limitations are. You can just get things done.
• 1:13:45
  Yeah, and it's like. Howdy friends, quick little
• 1:13:50
  pause on the adventure. First of all, we just want to
• 1:13:52
  say thank you. Truly.
• 1:13:54
  The fact that you're out there listening to this weird little
• 1:13:56
  outdoor podcast we started means more to us than you probably
• 1:14:00
  realize. We're just two little feral
• 1:14:02
  childhood besties that had an idea, grab some microphones and
• 1:14:05
  decided to record conversations in the wild.
• 1:14:08
  And somehow you showed up for it.
• 1:14:10
  Thank you. So if this podcast has ever made
• 1:14:13
  you laugh, taught you something, or kept you company on a drive,
• 1:14:16
  a hike, or a day at the river, we have one small favor to ask
• 1:14:20
  you. Give the show a follow, tap the
• 1:14:22
  stars and leave a review if you can.
• 1:14:25
  And also, here's a little fun exercise.
• 1:14:27
  Think of the first person who popped in your head while
• 1:14:29
  listening to this episode because let's be honest,
• 1:14:32
  everyone on podcasts, remind somebody of somebody or somebody
• 1:14:36
  you know that'll enjoy this podcast.
• 1:14:38
  Send this episode to them. That's honestly the best way
• 1:14:41
  this little wildly podcast grows.
• 1:14:44
  All right, thanks for being here with us.
• 1:14:46
  Now let's go wildly together. That's OK, it's the thoughts get
• 1:14:52
  the thoughts get lost sometimes when the battery dies, but I
• 1:14:57
  think the essence was recovering from challenging things and.
• 1:15:04
  Oh, I know what I was going to say.
• 1:15:06
  Like it's really, I feel like nature puts you back in balance
• 1:15:14
  and really helps you destroy that ego.
• 1:15:17
  And I think it's really good because like we always have this
• 1:15:23
  like hierarchy in our world. Like, oh, you do this and you do
• 1:15:27
  this and one's better. And it's like, like, she was a
• 1:15:31
  lot more knowledgeable on the systems, like the electronics
• 1:15:36
  and stuff. And so if something broke and
• 1:15:39
  she would work on it, I would obviously wanna be behind her
• 1:15:41
  learning. But sometimes dinner had to be
• 1:15:44
  made. Yeah, Yeah.
• 1:15:45
  And me making us dinner was no less than her being elbow deep
• 1:15:51
  and grease. And I think that we just saw
• 1:15:54
  each other for that. For the skills you had, the
• 1:15:57
  roles you needed to play, that all of it needed to get done.
• 1:16:01
  Yeah and no. Couldn't do the same thing at
• 1:16:03
  the same time because that other thing wouldn't get done that
• 1:16:06
  needs to get done. Yeah.
• 1:16:07
  And so saying all the time, like, I couldn't do this without
• 1:16:10
  you or just having each other's back in the like hard situations
• 1:16:15
  and knowing that. And you know, those can be
• 1:16:18
  frustrating because if you're the only one that can do this
• 1:16:23
  and you're just like, you know, there are so many times where we
• 1:16:26
  were like, we just we couldn't get a break.
• 1:16:29
  There's one time I called Dylan crying.
• 1:16:31
  My phone dropped in the water. It was like we just kept
• 1:16:34
  breaking down. Couldn't get the my phone
• 1:16:37
  because a bull shark came by. I knew a bull shark was in the
• 1:16:39
  water. I almost said he's probably not
• 1:16:41
  going to come by. He did.
• 1:16:43
  So my phone was shot. But there was just like the
• 1:16:46
  cherry on top. And I was like, I can't do this.
• 1:16:50
  Like the engine is breaking our sail, like all of these things.
• 1:16:54
  Just like we couldn't get a break.
• 1:16:57
  And you know, I don't really even remember what he said.
• 1:17:00
  He probably just said like, well, if you wanna quit, you can
• 1:17:04
  quit or you can do it or whatever.
• 1:17:05
  But we just, like, just kept going.
• 1:17:09
  And then everything got better. Yeah.
• 1:17:12
  And you just did it. And it was like, But, you know,
• 1:17:14
  sometimes you have that breaking point.
• 1:17:16
  Yeah. And you need.
• 1:17:16
  Sometimes you got your crash in the air and but yeah, so I love
• 1:17:21
  that and I love working in those team environments in nature
• 1:17:24
  because of that ego destroyer and like, yeah, I might not be
• 1:17:28
  as good as on this, but I can do this far.
• 1:17:31
  And it's good because you need to work and both of you, if you
• 1:17:34
  can have that synchronicity of moving just like how water
• 1:17:41
  flows, then it's great. So I think that was kind of
• 1:17:47
  where I was going with that thought before the battery died,
• 1:17:49
  yeah. Yeah, nature is, is the great
• 1:17:52
  equalizer and the great lesson teacher and all.
• 1:17:57
  Like we'll give you the hard thing and then we'll also like,
• 1:18:01
  cradle and comfort you and show you that.
• 1:18:04
  Like, see, I told you you could do this.
• 1:18:06
  Yeah, and I think the more you're in it, I liked it.
• 1:18:09
  That's why I like to live, like I told you, in more rustic
• 1:18:12
  environments, because when you get out of it, you get
• 1:18:14
  comfortable. Yeah.
• 1:18:15
  Yeah. You know, like you just, I
• 1:18:18
  remember when I was living on a boat, like I would go to a house
• 1:18:21
  and be like, I could throw a shirt in the corner without it
• 1:18:24
  getting moldy for a day. Like you get you're like, Oh,
• 1:18:27
  this is the comfort of living in a house.
• 1:18:30
  Like, but I, I think I get too lazy that way.
• 1:18:33
  So I almost choose that lifestyle because it checks me.
• 1:18:39
  It's a different kind of easy, like there's the ease of life in
• 1:18:43
  nature where it's simpler, it's quieter, it's more logical.
• 1:18:50
  And then there's the like ease of constructed life of the
• 1:18:56
  lights turn on when you expect them to and the heat is running
• 1:19:00
  and there aren't bugs crawling out of the walls.
• 1:19:04
  But but there's like complacency and discomforts in both of those
• 1:19:10
  too. And so just finding.
• 1:19:12
  Yeah. And there's.
• 1:19:13
  Like challenges you couldn't even think of.
• 1:19:15
  Yeah. That it presents you with.
• 1:19:17
  Yeah. And sometimes you're like, I
• 1:19:19
  don't want to deal with this. Yeah.
• 1:19:21
  But then you do it and you're like, oh, that?
• 1:19:23
  Was pretty cool. I can do this.
• 1:19:26
  And next time it comes up, it's not going to feel like such a,
• 1:19:29
  an issue. Yeah, such a headache, such a
• 1:19:32
  like barrier to jump over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:19:36
  That's amazing. Thank you, Kylie, for stringing
• 1:19:39
  together really well how nature and grief support each other,
• 1:19:45
  how nature is a place to kind of save yourself and find
• 1:19:51
  reflection and find comfort and healing through grief without
• 1:19:58
  washing away the grief and the reality of sadness and life.
• 1:20:02
  And that we, none of us are going to get out of this alive.
• 1:20:06
  It's just a matter. Of.
• 1:20:08
  Time, time and when and where and how and.
• 1:20:12
  I know. And you wish, like, I'm one of
• 1:20:13
  those people. Like, I wish I could take, like,
• 1:20:17
  the pain of people away. Yeah.
• 1:20:19
  Like, I wish I could hold the pain and take it away from his
• 1:20:22
  parents or sister or his friends or anybody who is going through
• 1:20:27
  grief that I don't even know, like, not even about him.
• 1:20:30
  And it's just like, it's like with the kids, like I never
• 1:20:33
  would say this to them, but I'm like, I want to build them in
• 1:20:38
  nature so they have the foundation to get through this.
• 1:20:42
  Yes, to get through life, to get through.
• 1:20:44
  All things to get through grief is gonna suck.
• 1:20:46
  Yeah. But like, you have to have that
• 1:20:51
  foundation. And that's what it is.
• 1:20:52
  That's what the outdoor School is.
• 1:20:53
  Subconsciously, it's we're giving you these tools to get
• 1:20:57
  through these challenges. Yes.
• 1:20:59
  And life has a million of them, whether they're like a natural
• 1:21:03
  challenge like death breakups or getting through a rapid.
• 1:21:09
  And I think not enough of kids are getting raised with those
• 1:21:17
  tools. Yeah, Yeah.
• 1:21:19
  And with life, Life hardship skills, yeah.
• 1:21:23
  And you got to do it without a doom and gloom attitude.
• 1:21:28
  Well, shallow, shallow here. Yeah, you got to, you got to
• 1:21:32
  have hope. You got to have trust and faith
• 1:21:35
  in yourself that you can. You got to have community and
• 1:21:40
  partnerships and whether they're romantic or platonic of just
• 1:21:45
  people who are reassuring and affirming and can maybe also
• 1:21:51
  push back on on and the things that you take for granted and
• 1:21:57
  challenge your perceptions and and help help like raise, raise
• 1:22:04
  all the boats out of out of the hard.
• 1:22:06
  And I love the reminder that I'm going to have you hold it again
• 1:22:11
  for these little waves. So like grief?
• 1:22:14
  Sucks. Grief is fucking awful and it's
• 1:22:18
  also, we are grieving because of the love that we shared with
• 1:22:24
  somebody and like what? What a gift that is also like,
• 1:22:33
  it's the shittiest, the fucking shittiest gift to ever receive.
• 1:22:36
  Yeah, the. Gift of grief and it's because
• 1:22:42
  we love someone so deeply and they love they loved us and they
• 1:22:47
  still love us like. Yeah.
• 1:22:49
  We're we're without our people, you're without Dylan, I'm
• 1:22:53
  without my dad. And yet we are still here.
• 1:22:57
  We're able to do this still because of their influence,
• 1:23:02
  because of the things that they taught us, the things that they
• 1:23:05
  showed us, the love that they gave us, and for both of these
• 1:23:09
  people, that being so tied to nature.
• 1:23:13
  Yeah, I mean, your dad gave you everything.
• 1:23:16
  Everything. And like, especially the gift of
• 1:23:18
  rafting, right? Like he gave you that tool, he
• 1:23:26
  gave you that tool and that outlet to clear your mind.
• 1:23:30
  And all of the equipment, like everything that I that we're
• 1:23:36
  sitting on and using is because of he provided it.
• 1:23:40
  And that was the first river trip that I did without him.
• 1:23:45
  I got on the river and just started sobbing because it was
• 1:23:49
  my first river trip without him. And then I looked around and I
• 1:23:53
  was like, well, he's everywhere. Like I have this boat because he
• 1:23:58
  bought it for me. I have these oars because he
• 1:24:00
  bought them. I was able to transport myself
• 1:24:04
  to the river because of the vehicle that he left me and the
• 1:24:08
  trailer that he had. And I can back up a trailer on
• 1:24:11
  my own because he taught me that.
• 1:24:13
  And he knew what he was doing. He knew, you know what I mean?
• 1:24:16
  That's what's like. So I feel like I always at the
• 1:24:19
  end of things, like, even though it's like, you wrap it all up in
• 1:24:22
  like a boat and it's like, oh, that person like knew.
• 1:24:26
  Yeah. Like, you know, I hope the kids,
• 1:24:28
  like, in 20 years, think of like, oh, she knew what she was
• 1:24:32
  doing when she said this one line.
• 1:24:34
  And it didn't affect me until 20 years later.
• 1:24:37
  And that I yesterday I said it of like, kids are sponges and
• 1:24:45
  they hear and they absorb and they learn everything that
• 1:24:48
  they're being taught. And we won't know that
• 1:24:51
  something, some offhand remark or some little lesson that we
• 1:24:55
  delivered. We don't know how that's going
• 1:24:57
  to affect them in 20 years. And then I hope that that
• 1:25:01
  intentionality will be felt and seen, that kids will be able to
• 1:25:05
  look back and say like, oh, they weren't just saying that.
• 1:25:09
  That wasn't just a thoughtless remark.
• 1:25:12
  That was so intentional. Yeah, and they give you like,
• 1:25:16
  you know, we come with the tools.
• 1:25:18
  We always say at the end that like if you're in a hard
• 1:25:22
  situation that we're like here holding you up and we have camp
• 1:25:26
  names. My camp name is Birdie.
• 1:25:28
  And I'm always like, just think of the little birdie in your ear
• 1:25:30
  of like when you get to a point where things are hard and not
• 1:25:35
  just, you know, going through a rapid, just going through grief,
• 1:25:39
  like our energy is behind you. And that's what it takes, right?
• 1:25:43
  Like even you doing this podcast, like you're inspiring
• 1:25:46
  people to do hard things. Maybe do what they wanted to do
• 1:25:50
  that they haven't been able to do.
• 1:25:53
  And so it's just like these ripple effects of, you know,
• 1:25:57
  intentionally, it's the intention, right?
• 1:26:00
  Putting that and even if they don't get it right away and it
• 1:26:04
  is subconsciously something so. I still I these people know
• 1:26:11
  maybe you know, I work for a kayak school and we partner with
• 1:26:14
  a non profit that takes young adults on outdoor adventures and
• 1:26:18
  at the kayak school we take them kayaking and it's like, yeah, we
• 1:26:22
  teach them how to kayak, but really we're teaching people
• 1:26:25
  these these life lessons and skills and they're young adults,
• 1:26:29
  they're 21 to 45 and they're learning a lot of these things.
• 1:26:35
  I mean, they've, they've been navigating cancer, so they're
• 1:26:38
  going through hard things and skills all the time.
• 1:26:40
  But then when they're thrown onto the river and have to like
• 1:26:45
  apply some of the lessons that they learned in their cancer
• 1:26:47
  journey to the river journey and then vice versa, they go back
• 1:26:51
  home and they're going to treatment, They're getting
• 1:26:55
  retested, whatever they're able to pull back the lessons from
• 1:27:00
  the river and the community from the river of like, hey, I'm, I'm
• 1:27:04
  having a hard time here. But the people that they were on
• 1:27:07
  the river with are still in a group chat right there to say,
• 1:27:10
  we've got you, you've got this. Just keep swimming, Just keep
• 1:27:14
  paddling like it's you'll, you'll come back up.
• 1:27:20
  They there's so many parallels, and there's so many ways to take
• 1:27:23
  a lesson from one place and apply it to an environment that
• 1:27:26
  seems totally different but is still the same.
• 1:27:32
  I love that. Is this the take out?
• 1:27:33
  It is. Should we spread some ashes?
• 1:27:36
  Yeah, yeah. Is this the hard part?
• 1:27:41
  Let's do it in this little. So we'll come into this little
• 1:27:45
  this. Is this is Dylan?
• 1:27:48
  Hi, Dylan, we really miss you. He did get a donut in his
• 1:27:55
  organs. Amazing.
• 1:27:57
  They printed out his heartbeat when they gave, so the organ
• 1:28:00
  donation place gave his ashes with all these styles with his
• 1:28:05
  heart. So I tend to sprinkle them on
• 1:28:08
  water. I've done like 4 bodies of
• 1:28:12
  water. Dylan was a water person and I
• 1:28:16
  don't know if you know this, but he ironically died.
• 1:28:20
  In water? In water, yeah.
• 1:28:23
  So we're going to put him in the Rogue.
• 1:28:26
  I don't think he's been put in the rogue yet.
• 1:28:28
  I'm so honored to be here to do this.
• 1:28:32
  I usually just dump a little out in here because, you know,
• 1:28:36
  there's. There's more of him to go
• 1:28:37
  around. It's funny that like this is
• 1:28:41
  like the cause of this. Yeah, yeah, that.
• 1:28:46
  It's basically sand. Yeah, it's weird.
• 1:28:50
  It's I don't know. Did you get your dad's ashes?
• 1:28:52
  Yeah, yeah. So this is for Dylan.
• 1:28:58
  We miss you. I guess I could just say that
• 1:29:06
  thank you for all the lessons you taught me and all the places
• 1:29:10
  in nature you brought me. And yeah, I mean, I think our
• 1:29:16
  passive past ironically crossed with him somehow involved too,
• 1:29:22
  yeah. I mean, yeah, maybe, maybe you
• 1:29:24
  wouldn't be in Oregon if you hadn't known him in some way.
• 1:29:31
  And. He's one of the reasons I'm
• 1:29:32
  here. So we miss you, and I hope that
• 1:29:40
  when people come to this river that your energy's in it and
• 1:29:44
  that people feel a little lighter and that the water takes
• 1:29:49
  their fears and things away. Love you, Dylan.
• 1:29:56
  Maybe got on the boat for actually.
• 1:29:59
  Awesome, I'll call. I'll keep taking them downstream
• 1:30:01
  with me. So thanks for letting me do
• 1:30:03
  that. Thank you.
• 1:30:06
  I cried less than I thought during this whole interview.
• 1:30:13
  Yeah, I always saw my friends. I'm like, you know, I'm just so
• 1:30:17
  fucking sick of crying. Like, I've cried more this last
• 1:30:23
  year and a half, and I've probably cried in 33 years.
• 1:30:27
  I'm sure you feel that, yeah. And also, like, there's still so
• 1:30:31
  much more crying to do and I hate crying because then I can't
• 1:30:36
  breathe. And yeah, I'm like, I want to
• 1:30:41
  keep crying, but now I can't breathe.
• 1:30:44
  So I have to stop crying so that I can get back to breathing and
• 1:30:48
  then I'll and then I'll cry again.
• 1:30:52
  Yeah, it comes like randomly too.
• 1:30:54
  Like I feel like just like in stores and stuff, it's like I'll
• 1:31:00
  just cry and people are probably like, what is wrong with you?
• 1:31:04
  Like, well, I'm grieving. I actually, I went down to see
• 1:31:09
  him on life support. He was in Vegas and they didn't
• 1:31:11
  think he'd make it. So I said goodbye to him on the
• 1:31:14
  phone on the airplane floor, which I ended up making it and
• 1:31:17
  saying goodbye to a person. But there's people that probably
• 1:31:22
  quite a story about that watch me because I didn't know
• 1:31:24
  anything that was going on and surrounded by people, it's like
• 1:31:29
  you just stop. You just in your.
• 1:31:31
  I just stopped caring. Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:31:33
  I don't care if like I'm in a supermarket now and I'm like
• 1:31:36
  bawling. Yeah.
• 1:31:37
  Like, you know, I'm still like, look at this crazy lady.
• 1:31:42
  Maybe, and they're also probably like, damn, she's going through
• 1:31:46
  something and she's still able, she's still getting up and going
• 1:31:50
  and going grocery shopping and living normal life.
• 1:31:54
  And wow, I hope that I can have the strength to do that when I'm
• 1:32:00
  going through something shitty like that.
• 1:32:02
  That's, that's what I, that's what I would see at least,
• 1:32:05
  because I've also been the girl crying in the grocery store or
• 1:32:09
  at the restaurant table and just have to say like, yeah, like
• 1:32:14
  this is my life. I, I, I say often that my theory
• 1:32:19
  and grief is that once you enter a state of grief, you are always
• 1:32:24
  like, that is your new state of life.
• 1:32:26
  You take breaks from grief to live and then you have to go
• 1:32:30
  back to grieving. You don't like take breaks from
• 1:32:34
  life to grieve. Right, right.
• 1:32:37
  And so it's just a matter of time of how long you've broken
• 1:32:41
  away from the grief to operate in life and then return back to
• 1:32:48
  that state again. Well, good thing we have this
• 1:32:51
  nature. We'd be fucked, yeah.
• 1:32:54
  Fucking true. And like, what a great, what a
• 1:32:58
  perfect place to give your tears right to the river, right that
• 1:33:03
  are going to wash them away and carry them on downstream and
• 1:33:08
  intermix them with everybody else's tears and the sand and
• 1:33:13
  the ashes, Dylan's ashes, my dad's ashes.
• 1:33:16
  Yeah, I'm sure your dad's ashes are in here.
• 1:33:18
  There's a big. There's a.
• 1:33:19
  Good challenge. There's AI deposited a good
• 1:33:23
  amount down on the lower Rogue and so I, you know, he loved
• 1:33:28
  Scotch. I had his ashes put into Scotch
• 1:33:32
  bottles and so I filled 2 Scotch bottles and then there was some
• 1:33:37
  leftover. So the leftover is down on the
• 1:33:42
  lower rogue. I buried a bottle down from Butt
• 1:33:47
  Beach at the at the house that he stayed in.
• 1:33:50
  I love that. And then I have another bottle
• 1:33:54
  on his Scotch shelf in the house.
• 1:33:56
  That's sweet so. Yeah, he's, he's here.
• 1:34:00
  He's everywhere. Yeah, he's, he's within.
• 1:34:04
  And yeah, that's what we have to, I wouldn't say settle for,
• 1:34:07
  but embrace. Yeah, accept what we have to
• 1:34:10
  accept. So at least we have that.
• 1:34:13
  But thanks for having me. Thank you.
• 1:34:15
  It was fun. Thanks for being here.
• 1:34:16
  No, I'm like energized for the. I'm sure I'll cry a lot more
• 1:34:20
  today, but. You know we do.
• 1:34:22
  There's no shame in crying. Like, why do you listen to sad
• 1:34:25
  music all the time? It just makes you cry.
• 1:34:26
  I'm like because I kind of also want to feel like.
• 1:34:29
  I need that sometimes. I need that like spark to force
• 1:34:33
  the tears because you feel it coming up and but you're just
• 1:34:37
  operating in life and like something needs to shake.
• 1:34:41
  Shake that grief loose. So thank you.
• 1:34:44
  Thanks, River. Thanks, boat Gary.
• 1:34:46
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 1:34:48
  Couple follow up, final questions.
• 1:34:52
  If people want to talk to you, learn more about you, get
• 1:34:56
  connected with you, go sailing with you, we'll find out more
• 1:34:59
  about outdoor school, whatever it may be.
• 1:35:02
  How could they find you? If you wanna be found, you.
• 1:35:05
  Can find me on my Instagram. I don't post a lot, but I'm
• 1:35:09
  trying to maybe get better or even rebrand it somehow.
• 1:35:13
  But right now it's the Salty Farmer 22.
• 1:35:18
  So the Salty Farmer 22 is my Instagram and that would
• 1:35:23
  probably be the best place. Awesome, yeah.
• 1:35:25
  Perfect, we'll put it in the show notes.
• 1:35:27
  Yeah, come find me. Awesome.
• 1:35:29
  Come bother me. Go somewhere warm and tropical.
• 1:35:33
  Yeah, we'll see. Maybe.
• 1:35:35
  Sit on the farm. And build.
• 1:35:37
  Some wood fires. I think after the window you
• 1:35:40
  might have to check in with me and be like, did you make it?
• 1:35:43
  Yeah, because I probably won't, but we'll see.
• 1:35:46
  But no, I'll be like, are you still still here?
• 1:35:48
  Are you? Still be here?
• 1:35:49
  Are you here? No matter what, I'll be doing
• 1:35:52
  what I want to be doing, yes. So.
• 1:35:54
  Tell yeah whether I stay or I go.
• 1:35:57
  So we'll see exactly. And this feels like a very
• 1:36:01
  especially apartment question for the content of our
• 1:36:05
  conversation today. But when your body expires and
• 1:36:11
  you leave this plane of existence, how do you want to be
• 1:36:14
  remembered? Man, I think I would say like
• 1:36:23
  just as somebody who gave everything, like as far as
• 1:36:27
  caring and compassion, I think that when people first meet me,
• 1:36:30
  I can be seem a little intimidating.
• 1:36:34
  I think people miss. I could maybe like I'm a resting
• 1:36:37
  bitch face. I think maybe I look like I'm
• 1:36:38
  kind of a bitchy person, but I'm not.
• 1:36:40
  So I would like people to remember, but like once you get
• 1:36:43
  to know me and you're in my circle, like I just give
• 1:36:45
  everything. Like I will give you like my
• 1:36:49
  soul if I love you. So I think that would be a
• 1:36:53
  thing. I'm just like somebody who would
• 1:36:55
  give everything to the people that they love.
• 1:36:58
  So I think that. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:37:02
  And hopefully more hopefully, like, I mean, I'm pretty funny.
• 1:37:06
  I think I haven't, I haven't cracked not many jokes, but I, I
• 1:37:10
  feel like I make people laugh and that's a good healing
• 1:37:13
  medicine. I think people that go through
• 1:37:15
  more hardships too, you know? Have a greater sense of humor
• 1:37:19
  Have. You know, I'll get a little
• 1:37:21
  morbid with death and jokes, but so yeah, maybe humor and caring
• 1:37:26
  and that when I cared about something, I really gave it my
• 1:37:29
  all because I think, you know, when you half do it, then you
• 1:37:33
  don't really know if it's meant to be or not, right?
• 1:37:35
  So yeah, that. Awesome, thank you.
• 1:37:39
  I I for sure see that in you. I know that.
• 1:37:42
  I mean, we've met randomly on a beach.
• 1:37:44
  I mean, yeah, through like a mutual connection, but I was
• 1:37:48
  like, damn, she's like full into she just she just like met us
• 1:37:52
  and like on the. Beach.
• 1:37:55
  We won't talk about that. I was very grateful I met you on
• 1:37:58
  Butt Beach. So yeah.
• 1:38:01
  But thank you again for having me.
• 1:38:02
  It was it was fun. It was a good way to spend a
• 1:38:05
  Saturday. Good.
• 1:38:07
  Just end just a couple hours of it like you're still it's I'm
• 1:38:10
  like I got. A like 1. 15 You got a whole day
• 1:38:13
  still ahead of you. Yeah.
• 1:38:15
  Out to do whatever you want to do.
• 1:38:18
  Whatever I want to do. So thank you.
• 1:38:21
  Thank you. Thanks Rogue.
• 1:38:23
  Yeah. Thanks, Doug.
• 1:38:25
  Oh, those are nice looking ducks.
• 1:38:27
  Cool. Thank you, Kylie.
• 1:38:28
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 1:38:29
  Thanks everybody for tuning into today's episode and every other
• 1:38:33
  episode you ever tune into. If you like what you see and
• 1:38:38
  even if you don't like what you see, please share, comment,
• 1:38:43
  subscribe, rate, review, do all the things you're.
• 1:38:50
  This is the 21st century y'all should know what to do by.
• 1:38:53
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• 1:38:58
  Yeah, send. Send us money.
• 1:39:00
  Send us. Sponsorships find us and Venmo
• 1:39:02
  baby. Go live a life of things that
• 1:39:05
  you want to do and help other people do the same thing.
• 1:39:09
  Thank you. We'll see you next time.
• 1:39:13
  All right, here we go. Here's the reveal for lunch.
• 1:39:15
  Today. Oh, that smells good.
• 1:39:20
  What do we got in? There.
• 1:39:22
  Today we have a Turkey shepherd's pie.
• 1:39:41
  That's a wrap on this episode of Go Wildly from the bottom of our
• 1:39:44
  Backpacks. Thank you for listening, we know
• 1:39:46
  you enjoyed the show, so tap, follow, tell a friend or two and
• 1:39:50
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• 1:39:57
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• 1:40:02
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