Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Cancer Blows with Korrie Medina

Transcript

Cancer Blows with Korrie Medina · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: the game of living in and with chronic pain and trauma,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: getting to the heart of how to heal. I am
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: your host Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan on
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: in the chronic pain and trauma world that we live in.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: So we have partied hard in our lives, right, we
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: have lived life.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: We've lived life hard.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: We've lived the sex, the drugs, the rock and roll life,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: and then life kind of starts to catch.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Up with you. You know, when did it start to catch
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: up with this?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: And this doesn't even necessarily mean that you had to
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: be like drugs and partying and rock and roll for
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: life to catch up with you. But I am only
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: speaking to that because me and my guests of live
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: a fricking hard life, and we've partied hard, and we've
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: lived life to the fullest. And I feel like I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: am on for sure my seventh or eighth life, absolutely,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: and I'm exhausted, and my body hurts, and my every
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: single aspect of who I am hurts. Every single day.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: When did my body start to feel me? When did
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: it start to fail me? I have very specific incidents
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: of when it did start. When did our body know
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: that it was getting sick?
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Though? Right, it talks to us.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: It gives us little signs, gives us little nudges here
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: and there and everywhere, and we ignore them. I know
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I certainly have, and I did for a very long time,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: because you know, whatever, it's gonna be fine, everything's going
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: to be good to go. And then you're like, fuck,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I can't walk, or fuck what the hell? And it
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: goes on and on and on, and a lot of
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: it is us women far more than men, and then
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: here we go, now we're sick, and now we're getting
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: sick and tired of being sick. And why so the
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: body keeps the score. We say it all the time.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: But one of the things that we do as women,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: as men less men than women, because we have more
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: body parts that we have to take care of than
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: you guys ever, will have to routines, right, we all
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: have them. We have to go in for our routine checkups,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: which we all kind of stink at. And then when
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: we do sometimes those routines are like, oh, my god,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: what the hell are we going to do? We go
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: to our doctors for all of our routine checkups. We
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: bend over and we cough, we spread and we open
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: our legs wide to get everything we need done. Here,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: we get our blood draws like good little girls and boys.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: We do our stool samples.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: We do all of the things, and then surprise, you
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: have cancer.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Your career's gone, your body's wrecked.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Then you've got menopause that kicks in like full force,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Overnight, and now you're off to the psych word. Holy shit.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Do you want to talk about this?
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I sure do, so let's dive in without further ado.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Here I would like to introduce to you today my guest,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: little miss Hatty Toddy Corey Medina, Hello, my darling.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: So my girl Corey here was in the cosmetology field
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: for over twenty five years. She's the mother of two
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: grown men and has gone through hell after being diagnosed
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: with stage three C cervical cancer. We're gonna talk about
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: what that little sea means because I didn't know what
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: the hole that meant? All right, So I'm rolling out
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: the red car before you, babe. It's about time you
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: got here. By the way, because we've been talking about
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: having this conversation for over a year and we finally
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: got together. There's been a lot that's been going on
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: that's gotten in the way of you being able to
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: even do something like this, So thanks again for joining
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: me today, my sweet love. Of course, i'd like to
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: quick start with how you found out that you had
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: cervical cancer and what happened that with your gynecologists, and
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: let's take it from there.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Get ready, guys, get ready.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: Well here we go. Well, just like every other woman,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I went in for a routine PAF spear and then
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: there was a little silence in the room and my
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: gynecologists is like, well, it's all black in the here.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Wlack.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, black like my soul.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Let's kick this off. Let's kick this party off right there?
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Uh no, for real, but no, but it was visibly black.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: How like the tissue was black. And so you know,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: you get the little purper with her and her nurse.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: They do. They decide they're going to do an emergency biopsy,
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: and this is where it all kind of went south.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: They're in there, they're you know, they're talking to each
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: other and they go in there with the forceps and
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: they pull out what looks like a chunk of literal
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: black raw sewage. I've never seen anything like it. It
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: probably looks like, I don't even know what to say.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: It looked like, well, black raw sewage kind of gives
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: us a good visual and also a smell as well.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: So it's like if you put your hand down your
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: pipe of your toilet and pulled out whatever is in there. Ooh.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I mean we talked about writing hard and living hard.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: I mean this is a bit much core.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but but I'd like I talked to you before,
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: you know, I thought, oh, just like my pussy stink, Like,
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: how did I get used to this smell? And like
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I didn't know that it didn't No, it wasn't a smell.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: So that's what's scary, is like I really didn't have
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: many symptoms except for a regular bleeding, which at the
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: time I was forty seven forty eight, So I thought, oh, well,
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: I must be a perimeno base. You know, I'm having
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: like breakout bleeding whatever, you know, no big deal, which
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: is why I went in for my routine pap anyways,
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: is because I thought, oh, I must be impyramento pause. Well, no,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: it turns out no, my insights are dying and I
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: have cancer.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So that's insane surprise, surprise, it's the total kind of
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: surprise party that all of us women love. So okay,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, so you're there and you've
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: got all this black goo grossness coming out of your JJ,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: and the whole room is kind of in a standstill.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Everyone's a little quiet.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: So now what So you know clearly there was something wrong? Uh?
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I mean uh, And you know she knew.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: She knew, you know, visibility speaking like you can tell.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: She kind of kindly let me know that something's very wrong.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: She didn't technically say the S word at that moment,
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: but she said, you can expect possibly these outcomes. So
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: blah blah blah. Fast forward. You know, I get sent
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: to an oncologist and we do you know, further testing.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: You know, that was like a month later, and turns out, yes,
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: I do. I do have stage three C cervical cancer.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: It was three C means that you're on the very
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: cusp of going to stage four. What that means to
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: like delay person is if they tell you three C
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: be stoke, because it's the point before it starts spreading everywhere,
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: So that means you caught it in time before it's
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: about to go ape shit everywhere. So that's a good
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: thing to hear in I guess, I don't know.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I stayed three C is better than stage four, right A, yeah,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: the one yeah, so's it was a good thing to hear,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you know when you know the term so okay, So
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: we end up getting diagnosed, So then what's next what
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: happens in this for you?
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: So when you diagnosed, you know, you get with your
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: oncologist and you discuss your options, just like many other
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: things that even positive things that go on in your life.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: You know, you discuss your options, and you know you
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: can go the alternative route. You can go chemo radiation,
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: you can do clinical trials. There is a lot of
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: things on the table for you and for all cancer patients. However,
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: I was just kind of at the point where it
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: got to like too far in the process to start
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: an alternative therapy in my doctor's opinion, and with the
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: opinions of you know, certain family members, and you know
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: they want to see you alive, okay, so they're not
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: the one going through cancer. They don't understand and all
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: they want for you is the CEO life. No one
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: wants to lose a family member, right.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Nobody wants to lose anybody. Well, I mean there's a
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: couple of people that I would actually like to lose,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: but well, okay, never I'm back to back to back.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: So they they bring you to that you get, you
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: get these options laid out for you. I know we
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: talked a little bit about the holistic side of things
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: and all that, because I know you and.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Me are a little bit more woo woo on that
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: kind of side.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: But to your point, it's like we got and and
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I've done this with my bod too. Is where there's
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: all these alternative things that I've done for my body
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: because I've got I got nowhere with like quote unquote medicine,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: and then I haven't really gotten all that far with
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: holistic alternative medicine either for my body. So now I've
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: been working more on kind of like a hybrid approach
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: between those two places, because I needed to fill my
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: soul with things that I felt were going to be
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: good for my body that weren't going to deplete me immediately.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And you and I have similar issues where medications that
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: are given to us opposite to act the opposite in
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: some in some area, and that is something that I
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: would have been concerned with when it comes to chemotherapy
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: and radiation.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: So can you touch a little bit on that.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Well, absolutely. I mean, why do they call it like
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: the mind, body, and soul because they're two. There are
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: all three separate entities that work together. So I think
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: the hybrid approach is a very good approach because maybe
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: you need something medical for your mind, but then your
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: body needs something holistic and that's what works for you
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: and that's how you tweak it. Or maybe it's the opposite.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: You know, maybe your body needs something medically and your
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: mind needs something you know, woooh, maybe you need the
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: yoga or go see healer, you know, whatever you need.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: And it's all different for everybody. But you know, personally,
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: I would have rather have taken an alternative choice. However,
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: you know, I have kids I have, and they were
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: you know, they're at those ages where they're just starting
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: out their lives. And my son just got married last
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: October and you know he's gonna have kids and all that,
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: and you know, just other people in my life, my
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: boyfriend in particular, who was really nervous and really scared
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: for me, dealing with me on a daily basis. And
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: so I made the choice to go medical and also
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: too you know, at the time when I got cancer,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: I wasn't expecting it. So now twenty twenty hind sights.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Even though I already went through chemo radiation and did
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: all that, now I know because I had two years
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: of being unemployed and going through it that all I did,
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: I'll do long was research, you know how so now
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: now I'm a wealth of information. Then I decided to
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: go through chemo radiation.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: So chemo is different than radiation, right, I mean, we've
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: got chemo is that shrinks the cancer cells and it
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: goes over like the you know the systematic treatment right
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: where radiation is more localized.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: Right, Well, radiation goes in there, and radiation is actually
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: what shrinks the actual tumor. Chemo is like it goes
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: in there and it just kills cells.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Just willy nilly, We're just gonna kill yea.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: Well, it kills the good ones, and it kills the
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: ld ones. It just kills everybody. Everybody, you know, everyone
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: that came in the party. You're all going shutting it down, parties,
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: over cops, parties, over fuck you you know. Yeah, chemo
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: for me, so you know, I had an intervenience in
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: my arm. I didn't have a port. I did chemo
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: for six weeks. It seemed like longer and it's every
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: week or if you don't know, it's a five hour appointment.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: You sit there in a lounge chair. It's cool, it's
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: a lazy boy. You know, you got snacks, you got
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: you know, it's all good. But you know it's a
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: long day. You sit there for five hours. It doesn't
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: hurt because they put things in the ivy that make
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: it so it doesn't like burn your veins. Otherwise it
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: would probably burn. Yeah, but they do like a cocktail mix.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: They put steroids in there too, if you didn't know,
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: so that you can go home and be normal person
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: for at least minute until you go to bed. I
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: guess for me, I was like, h like, I'll just
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: be full disclosure like chemo days. It was Wednesday, by
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: the way, and it was my favorite day, pump Day. Yeah,
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: and I felt like I was on top of the
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: world because the steroids. Right.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Oh interesting, I go have a.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Couple of cocktails, gob some dinner, I go have a
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: couple of cocktails. What else are you gonna do? You're
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: already dying. Who cares?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's the spirit.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: Here's the thing. Here's the thing, here's the thing with everything. Okay,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: this is like, this is my personal opinion. Okay, don't
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: come at me for having my own personal opinion. I
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: think everything in life is a balance. When you go
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: too far over to being too healthy and doing everything
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: to like the extreme, to where it gives you anxiety
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: and you're on a regimen and you can't live a
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: normal life, to going too far down, you know, the
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: deep dark hole and ruining your life, that's also a
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: bad thing. But when you can have a balance, like
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: you know, and just also enjoy your life. If two
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: cocktails on a Wednesday is gonna make your whole week
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: turn around, then that's what you gotta do. I don't
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: want to go for a fucking run.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I don't like runners. I mean, just generally speaking, I
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: don't know what you're doing. What are you doing, what
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: are you running from? And what are you running towards?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Like Forest Gump should have moven to you guys all
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: along to just stop.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Look when I was in when I was in my
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: late twenties. When I was probably like twenty nine to
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: thirty six, I was one of those chicks, like what
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: we would call an influencer. Now, I was in the gym,
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: I was running five miles a day, you know, six
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: days a week. I could have one beer on a Friday.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I was.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I had a train beer, I had the fucking point, I.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Had a trainer, I did everything. I did all things.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: But now I'm forty nine, so fuck all that.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean the bottom line is you're in the
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: middle of this. You're in the middle of this really
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: shitty diagnosis. You've got You've got kids that you're worried about.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: You've got your sweetie that you're worried about, You've got
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: your your family that you're worried about, your friends that
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: are worried about your career.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: All of these last my career. I know you did.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: I know twenty seven years. Yeah, the career that never
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: let me down, the career that I loved, the career
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: that brought me so much family and friends lifelong. You
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: were one of my lives.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: This is true.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: I met me, We've known each other for like twenty years.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: I know the career that brought me so much joy,
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: and the career that let me raise my kids as
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: a single mom and raised kids with a good life,
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: not some you know, with a really good life.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, near a bad asthmam.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: I lost it in a matter of a week. I
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: had I got the diagnosis. It was like, you can't
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: work with the chemicals anymore. I couldn't even stand up
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: at this point, like I had so much cramping and
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: I was bleeding out. I was bleeding out. I had
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: to have during this whole process, I had to have
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: two full blood transfusions because I was bleeding out. They
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: couldn't whoa until until the chemo and the radiation got
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: the tumor down to a certain size. I was bleeding out.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: It was just it was an enormous amount of blood
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: and I almost died. I almost went into cardiac arrest
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: because I didn't know the signs of heart palpitation. This
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: is really important because you know a lot of women
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: even that have like really bad periods. We'll get this
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: where you bleed so much that you're gonna get You're
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: gonna feel heart palpitations, You're gonna feel really tired, you're
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: gonna bruise easy. You need to pay attention to those
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: science because I almost freaking died. Where to god, I
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: had to go in and that was another four hour appointment.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: And you're just sitting there getting someone else's blood and
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: it's weird, weird, it's weirdd And you're like, is my
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: personality going to change? Was this person a vampire? Like what?
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: You don't know who they are?
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent you have vampire blood? I thank god,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Well I have barlick in here. That's why it's stink.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: No, you know, but it just it's just weird. It's
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: like when someone else's blood goes into your body, is
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: like they're DNA going into my body. I don't know,
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: it's a weird.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: I didn't even think about it.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know, we all know what blood transfusions
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: are a lot of people have had them after car accidences,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: in surgeries and.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Such, But I never even thought about it that way.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: So thank you. Of course it saves you're here to
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: ruin you guys. Okay, it saves your life.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: But I want to hear from a nurse or a
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: doctor or scientist changes your dNaM a little bit.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Well, I can tell you one thing. There's nothing changed
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: about you.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: Curio curious mind's one of the.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, all right, so now we've got we've
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: got your diagnosis, and you're going through all this chemo stuff.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: But you had to have this emergency surgery though, And
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: that part of it is insane because you have this
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: in surgery where you get completely sliced opened.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: She got gutted like a fucking fish at the harbor,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: you know, in China or something.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Her body parts left on the dock, Like, what's going on?
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Talk about what happened here with this? In a way,
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: I mean this is insane.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Uh Well, at this point, we the cancer hasn't spread,
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: so we think, okay, cool, We're gonna do a routine
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: direct me, no big deal. You know, it hasn't spread,
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: so I can keep my ovaries like no menopauns or
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: anything like that. Like routine has directed me, like do
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: it all the time, right, many women have no big deal.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: So I get in there and I go to surgery,
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: and uh, they find they find two things. Number One,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: I have a micro spread of cancer to my left
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: lymph node, which automatically is a no go for for
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: a noncologist or a surgeon because once cancer you cut it,
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: hits oxygen, it will spread everywhere. They'll spread everywhere in
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: your body like a wildfire. So that was number one,
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: and then number two. So I found out that I
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: have a I am five foot, one hundred and ten
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: pounds in a little peanut. Yeah, I'm a little girl.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: But I found out that happened a normally large bladder
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: for some of my signs also too, like a couple
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: of my body parts were too close together. So the
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: cervix is here. The bladder was like a little bit
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: larger than the serve eggs. So if they did surgery,
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: it would damage my colon. Then we would have you know,
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: e coal ie spreading everywhere. They could, they could fix it,
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: but you know, don't want to risk the infection. Yeah,
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: so they decided not to do the surgery and they
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: just so be back up. So it's like, you know,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like a sea section where they take
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: your intestines out. You know, you know they have to do.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: That, right, Yeah, I do. I don't know if. Yeah,
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: they have to.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: Take your intestines out. Yeah, they sit on the side.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: Maybe they put it in like one of those buckets,
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: like one of.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Those things wash bucket.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Or just one of those things that like some people
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: put their like sink and they you know, they do
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: the old school dishwashing. They put the water and anyways
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: there's intestine. Ye hey, hey, looking good. You know. I
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: personally shout out to all the women that have sea sections.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: I had my boys. Uh not imaginally, but that's that's
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: a real motherfucker. Uh to cut through seven layers of
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: skin and muscle, have all your your parts down there
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: and jumbled around, then shove back in and then you know,
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: sewing back up, and then they're just like coolre you
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: go here, some five milligram percosets five milligrams, Yeah, don't
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: overtake him because you only have two weeks worth. And
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: then you got to call again for Rephil And.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Then a reference the beginning of this episode where I
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: talked about Corey and lindsay have lived a long and
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: a hard party life.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: Five milligrams of percoset ain't goodna.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: New crap, you know. Yeah, so why do you think
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: you have to have a percent and like two cocktails?
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: What what the fuck are you supposed to do? It
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: hurts like a bitch, Yeah, you know, a vil No anyways,
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: and so that's that's what it was. And so I
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: was at home during cover. Uh they did my stitch
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: uh vertically, you know, horizontally, so it gave me a
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: little bit of it's seven inches long from the belly
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: button to the puss.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Be the puss be medical medical advice Withdana.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so it was. It took it took a while
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: to recover, uh un till I was up and walking
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: like normal, probably like three and a half, four weeks,
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: four weeks, I was still kind of I don't know
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: I explain it. It's just everything's tight, your stomach, muscles tight.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: It feels like it feels like you're okay. You know
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: you're okay, but it feels like it's gonna writ Yeah.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: So it's weird, you know, and you just you have
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: no other choice but to just like sit around like
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: and it's frustrating for us proactive girls. No doing laundry,
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: no lifting. I could barely stand and do dishes. Standing
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: was really hard.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Well, and this is why career ending kind of thing too.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: From cosmetology.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: You can't stand all day doing hair and doing makeup
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: and doing all.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: Of those things. That's gone because as soon as as
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: soon as I was, so they give me eleven weeks
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: to fully recover for this surgery. From the surgery, so
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: I got in that eleven weeks. I got like two
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: weeks where I felt normal and I got to like
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: actually live my life. And then after those two weeks,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: I went straight in and chemot radiation and that was
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: it was I can't remember. I think it was nine weeks.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: There was chemo every Wednesday, and that's also a four
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: or five hour appointment if you don't know. You sit
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: there in a lounge chair and you have your ivs
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: and you have snacks and you just watch Netflix or
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: whatever's on the front. You also have a little TV
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: there so you can watch TV if you want. And
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: chemo was a great experience for me, even though like
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: you're stuck there and it kind of stinks, but it
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: was great. I had an ocean view. The nurses were
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: just so like nice. I don't know, I've never seen
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: that level of nurturing and just compassion, so that was great.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: This is part of why this is a fun episode too,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: because a lot of one of the reasons why I
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: love Corey is because no matter what conversation I've ever had,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: with you ever, you always have a way to spin
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: it positively no matter what it might be fucked up,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: but it is still positive the way that you approach
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: things because you're always.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: Like sometimes it's definitely fucked up. But the thing is
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: is it's all about your mindset, like I just like
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: I said earlier, your mind, body, soul, your mind. Your
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: mind is what's gonna heal your body. Right, So if
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: you're right in your mind and you can be happy
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: and positive and not think about the bad shit, not
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: go dark, and not let it take over you, then
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: your body's gonna follow. Right.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: So whatever the fuck I had to do to make
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: myself happy, I knew that my body would follow that.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: And I know it's unconventional, and this is my own circumstance.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: This isn't for everybody. If you want to do this
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: every day or fast and do no sugar diet and
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: do whatever you need to do, like there's nothing wrong
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: do you. This is and I did that us by
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: the way. I did that most of the time, okay,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: but sometimes you got to blow off a little steam.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: And no matter what it is that you like to
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: blow off, steam is what's going to bring you happiness.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: For me, it's having a couple of cocktails, spending some
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: time with my man, going listening to love music, you know,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: going dancing, socializing with my friends, laughing, spending time with
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: my kids. Those are the things that make me the
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: most happy. So when you get diagnosed with something like this,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: let's amp up the happy. Let's do what we need
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: to do for the body. And then the soul is
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: something you know you've heard about, like soul tie, Well
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: think think about it like a bow tie. Mind body
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: and your soul. Rahaps it up.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: I love that visual.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: You're not looking at her, but it's a really good
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: visual of her putting on a tie like a men's tie.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: It's it's really good. In fact, it's one of the
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: best visuals that I've seen here. Because we talk about
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: a lot of this on the show. As you guys know,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: we talk about hope, we talk about positive thinking, talk
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: about my body, soul, we talk about mindset, we talk
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: about being mindful, we talk about all of these things.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: It's really hard sometimes when you're in the thick of it,
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: when you've got your arms full of id ivs and
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you're in all of these machines and you're going back
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: and forth between doctors and all of us that have
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: lived in chronic pain have gone through some form of
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: this in some way, right Like for me, I know
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I've got all of my things.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Have I been through chemium radiation?
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: No?
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: I have, No, I have not.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Have I gone through something that I would consider similar
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: in that because I call what I have my version
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: of cancer because for me it is mine.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: It is something that I will be dying of. Well,
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: that's okay.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: Can I interrupt you for a second. No, I think
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: what you have is worse because the radiation is just
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: a season in your life and then you're done with it.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: What you have is forever, forever, season of your life.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: So what you're going through takes a very strong individual.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Let me cry, bit, sorry, sorry, shit, don't do it.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: I cry on the show every episode, so everybody knows.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a tissue box. Here it's what I do. Don't
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: do it.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I said I was not going to cry in this
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: episode with you today. It's okay, But here I want
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: to move into though. I'm a little bit about the aftermath.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Because you've gone through all the chemo, you're you're you're
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: starting to get your your cells.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Getting her groove back, and then you're like, what the
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: hell just happened?
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: I had a blip of like I'm doing good and
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: then what the hell?
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Sorry? Would have been okay with just chemo radiation, but
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: I had to go. Most women that have some sort
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: of vaginal cancer or cervix, uterine, whatever, what have you,
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: you have to have this thing called breaky therapy. Breaky breaky,
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: like achy breaky yep, exactly.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Wow. I believe a man coined this phrase.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: This, this is this is utter brutalization of women. It's
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: something from the dark ages. I don't if this was
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: a man's penis hole, this would not exist. Basically, you
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: go in for an out patient surgery. They sew what
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: looks like the end of a push up pop with
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: a hollow straw to the end of your cervix and
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: they sew it on there with features, and it's plastic
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: and it stays on there. It's an outpatient surgery. Three
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: days later you go in and this is a once
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: a week for four week procedure. Nine robot metal parts
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: that go inside. They slide inside and then they bracket
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: it on the outside, connects to them, and they assemble
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: them like a bracket, and they latch them all together,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: and then four or five wires go up your vagina
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: in through that hollow push pop straw and into your cervix,
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: and then they connect to an external radiation machine and
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: you sit there for an hour while they radiate the
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: whole inside of your vagina. It's brutal, it's masochistic, it's horrible,
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: it's absolutely it's not normal. They must have something better
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: than that. We're in twenty twenty five and we're still,
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: you know, building the Apollo space station in your fucking vagina.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm only laughing because I knew you were
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: gonna end up.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Saying something funny at that, but only fucking flintstone pop,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Like what the I've never even heard of.
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: This, I don't. Oh. By the way, the plates that
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: go in, when they go in, you can feel them
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: in the bottom of your ribs. They go up all
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: the way because they have to protect your kidneys, and
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: they have to protect all the other organs around that
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: so they don't get radiation. So these things go all
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: the way up to the side of your uterus, almost
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: to your stomach.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: It's hard to silence me, No, it's brutal.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: Who when I say it's brutal, like honestly, and like
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: what a valuume and not even a xanax. You could
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: have spent a little bit more money and gave me
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: a xanax not a value or.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Hey, knock me out, like Twilight, like not let me
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: remember any of that.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: But they'll put you in Twilight to put the little
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: plastic thing on your the bottle push pop and pop
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: in three sutures. They'll put you on Twilight. But not
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: for going through this four weeks every week. It's just
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: the medical systems weird.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's one word that we could use for
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: our medical system here in the United the States of America.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: So okay, so my god, honeybuons.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, but it's the so when we go into the
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: aftermath of everything, chemo radiation is one thing, right, you're
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: gonna you're gonna have after effect. You're gonna you're gonna
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: have neuropathy, You're gonna have a lot of nerve damage.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: You know, radiation. I have a lot. I had it
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: in my abdomen, so I have a lot of lower
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: back vertebrate disintegration during radiation. The only thing I ever
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: had towards the end was like massive diarrhea. I told
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: you I pulled up.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: Now you get talking about I told you.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: I pulled up an office in my bathroom. It was aggressive.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: I had have my boyfriend put on a padded toilet seat.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I had things in there, like, you know, footstool and
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: make me more company. It's like my launchyt, you know,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: like for guys. You know it's called it's it's it's
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: called a squatty potty.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, so let's be able, okay, but I went bloody potty.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: We would like you to advertise on the show, but
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: you lose a.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Little bit of control of that area. So like I
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: told you, I thought I could go to the movies.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: Let me see if I can remember the movie.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Uh, Barbie, no, But that's the perfect place for you
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: to ship yourself, by the way.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: Perfect thing in thing that sucks is I'm with my
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: boyfriend and his best friend, who's a guy. I sat
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: in the middle and I shit my pants before the trailer,
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: before the true before the trailer. And it wasn't just
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: a little shirk. It was like a quarter. It was
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: like a quarter shit. But you have diarrhea, right, so
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: it's not a log. It's never gonna be a log.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: And I and I still don't have hard poops in
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: really no.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Well that's my whole life. My whole entire life is
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: loose poop. Yeah, and thank you for not, you know,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: taking a douchie in my studio today.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: So far, so so far, so good. Everybody crossed their fingers.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: If I leave, I leave the house after like noon,
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: I'm usually good, like from the one way I wake
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: up till noon. That's why I don't eat.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: Very much during today.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: You know, the math. But going back to like what
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: we're talking about about the breaking therapy. So here's the aftermath.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: So Breaki therapy and radiation do something that vaguely, vaguely
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: when you get your little packet from your doctor, you know,
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: there's like one little tiny paragraph that's like you may
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: or may not go into menopause after this these procedures. Whoop,
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: Well fuck you. You are going to maybe if you're
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: like younger, like in your late twenties or thirties, maybe
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: you may have enough hormones to build up to compensate
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: and fight off the menopause, but you're gonna go through
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: it early. You're gonna go through it like forty. Anyways,
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: it's better to because I went through it. One day,
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: I came home, I was normal. The next day I
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: woke up. I have scar tissue in my vagina from
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: the breaking therapy. It's so aggressive that I got vaginal atrophy,
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: which means it's starting to grow together. So from the back,
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: not like where you go in, but from the back
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: the scar tissue starts to grow together. Once it closes,
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: they have no surgery to fix it. Whoa, unless you
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: like vagina clothes. Yeah, vagina hole close. You can still
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: pee obviously, but well but vagina hull close for business.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: No surgery to repair that. Wow. Period. I don't know
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: if it's because there's too many blood vessels and it's
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: just too dangerous.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Well, there is, but it's not going to be here
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: in the United States of America, or.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: You could just be you just go brutal and like
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: just stick a pipe up.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: There, raw dog it Now you can caunterize it.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: Just stick. I just go to Thailand, you know, like
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: I just go to a welder and they stick that
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: shit in the fire and be like we had this
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: and it's not a welder. Yeah, you know, we know
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: what a weld.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: It's a gatherer of trying to go out.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: What do you call the blacksmith? Sorry, the blacksmith. I
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: want to go the blacksmith and be like, can you
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: heat up a pipe and just crown just fix it? Yeah,
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: that's that's the opportunities that they give us as women
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: like it sucks.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: So to get my vagina working again, I had to
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: go through a lot of things. I had to go
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: to peblic floor therapy. I had to get dilators, I
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: had to do estrogen cream. But I went on HRT.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: But before I went on HRT, I was going nuts. Okay,
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: I was. I was psycho, I was crying. I was
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: pissed off at everybody. Any childhood trauma that ever sat
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: with me that I thought I healed and did all
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: the right things into counseling, did all this stuff was
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: elevated to like thousand millions percent. I had no physical
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: or mental control of my actions. And later when I
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: get leader in the story, my doctor told my boyfriend
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: she literally has no control. Your hormones as a woman,
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: control every single thing in your body. And so I
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: looked like that with no homework, hormones were about I
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: don't know. Eight weeks, maybe twelve of the mouse, I can't.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: I can't remember. Until I came to a head where
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: I knew that I needed help. I was drinking about it.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: I was doing some other stuff about it just to
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: feel normal, you know what's that. It's kind of like
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: I had to slow my brain down with substances to
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: catch up to feel like a normal, functioning human. And
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: I was going a little too far with it. But
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: you know, that's where I was in life. I just
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: wasn't okay.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: Had can you after everything we just heard about that
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: would not make anybody okay?
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not okay. Just listening to it like put me
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: in a psych ward.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just was okay, which led me to my
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: breaking point of where and there's there was no like situation.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: There was nothing like dramatic that happened. I didn't try
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: to like fight somebody or anything like that. There was
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: no dramatic situation that leaded up to that. I just
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: made a decision. But I will tell you that the
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: relationships around me were stream you know, my boyfriend, my friends,
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: my family, my kids. One of the biggest lectures I
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: got was from my son, which broke my heart A
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: caring lecture but firm, just like I used to mother him,
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: which sucked for me. Yeah, but uh. And so I
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: woke up a morning I knew it was the day
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: that I was going to go. So there was one
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: day I woke up, you know, almost like seven. I
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: woke up. I was feeling very off. I was home alone.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: There was my boyfriend went to work. I was home alone.
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: It was kind of cool because I got to sit
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: with myself and like, you know, just be like, all right,
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: where reevaluate? Where are we really at right? And I
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: was just like, I don't see it getting any better.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: I don't see it. And I think I'm a strong
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: ass bitch, but I knew that. I knew that this
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: time it was not in my control. There was no
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: like herbs or freaking tea or anything that I could
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: do about it. So I made the choice that I
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: was going to go to the emergency room. So I like,
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: I bored a couple of cocktails because that's what I
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: had to do. And I took a shower and I
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: made sure I smell a pretty I did my hair,
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: I put on my comfy sweats, my fuzzy socks, and
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: I called my boyfriend and I'm like, we got it's
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: time to go. I think I was like one thirty
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: in the afternoon and he's like and he's working, and
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: he's like, yep, I'll be there in like fifteen minutes.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: That's how he's like.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, bitch, she need to go.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: Finally, finally, nice as long as very sure I got this.
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: I remember it very vaguely, because you know, they gave
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: me a lot of sedatives. But I remember talking this
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: one nurse. She was like a rockabilly chick and she
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: had red hair and tattoos, and she like hold my
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: hand in the gurney and I'm crying and I'm sobbing,
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: and she's like it's okay. It's okay that you're but
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: alcohol level is really high, and it's okay that you
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: feel bad because what else were you supposed to do?
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: No one knows what women go through. You could tell
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: this badass bitch right, she's there. She's there for the girl,
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: and she's like you're gonna be okay, and I'm like okay.
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: The next thing I know, there's like a and I
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: was out and I woke up in a paper suit
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: in this syche.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: Woard paper suit in a psych ward.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: What you don't know is they cut they take all
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: your clothes off you and they put you in like
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: what looks like the equivalent of scrubs for doctors. But
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: they're made out of papers, so you don't try to
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: hang yourself. If you try to tie them in a knot,
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: they break there, they will break. And so this is
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: the best story. And I saved this for you.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: We're saving we're saving the best for the last here.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: So we're so we are now in Laguna Beach, California,
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: by the way.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: So I end up there, Uh, they've douse you full
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: of you know, drugs that just calm me down. You know,
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: they're not overdosing you. They're you know, just give you
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: a break from life. Right. I slept really good. I
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: woke up in a regular bed. It's not a hospital bed.
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: Weirdly enough, it's a twin bed. They helped me for
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: seventy two hours, by the way, which is standard. Okay.
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: I wasn't treated any words or anything. Yeah, yes, of course,
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: and I needed it. I'll never do that again, though
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: I started. I'll lock myself in my bathroom from the
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: outside before I'll go ever, do that again. Yeah, I'll
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: learn my lesson. Though you know I'm in the aries.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: I always go to learn the hard way, Damma gem
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: and I have to learn two times the hard way.
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: That's why, that's why we're such great. But anyways, it
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: was an experience. It was well deserved. It was my
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: own decision, so I couldn't make anyone else feel bad
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: except for myself. But I realized that I didn't need
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: to be there with people that really need help. At
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: the at the end of seventy two hours, I felt
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: really bad because there's people in there that really I
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: was taking up a bed for somebody that really means
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: the mental health.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: No, but for somebody that has dealt with mental health
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: and dealt with depression and anxiety. And I have been
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: into the Laguna Beach Hospital where you were for a
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: different reason when I was younger.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: We all need to do what we need to do
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: at that time that's best for us.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: So if you felt like you needed that break, and
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I can tell you one thing right now, I'm about
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: ready to check myself into Laguna Beach Hospital for three
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: days just so I know, fricking sleep, Lindsay.
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: I didn't need the break what happened was is my
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: doctor was going to take six weeks to get back
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: to me for the HT.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: Right, So you were like, I'm going to lose my
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: mind if I don't.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: Get called the nurse on the floor of his office
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: and she's like, go to the emergency room.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: It will speed up the process. And then here we are.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: And then when they see fifty one fifty on your darrets,
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: they're like, oh, next day after you get out, Oh cool, Yeah,
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: you need HRT come on in.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, unbelievable.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: So you kind of worked the system a little bit
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: and also got a little nappy nap.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the drugs are getting there and don't know exactly,
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: but they're good.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: They have good You and your snacks. You're so funny.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: You've used the word snacks on this show.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I might have to pull up the number, but maybe
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: upwards of twenty times, so you like your snacks.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: Look, I don't like all mels.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: I don't neither. I can't do it.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: One of the things that I find to be so
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: challenging about any health issues that we have as we
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: round out this episode here, because I know it's a
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: little bit longer than usual, but a it's really hard
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: to see somebody that you love and that you care
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: for go through anything like this. And I say that
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: to you because I love you, but also because I
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: see a lot of people that I love that have
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: been through a lot of stuff. But I also deal
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: with the other side as well, with Bill, my sweetie,
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: just like you and you're sweetie, where it's really really
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: hard on our loved ones because they don't know what
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: to do, they don't know.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: How to cope.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: They've got their own shit that they have to deal with.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, what ends up
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: happening with people like Corey and myself and many other
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: of us women, we end up putting ourselves last, and
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: we always take care of everybody before we do ourselves.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: And I know Corey has done that. Certainly I do it.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: I'm the first person to do that. I'm a people
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: please that I do all the things.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: We have to flip that, because if we start taking
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: care of ourselves first, we're going to get less sick,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: or we're not going to get sick, or we're not
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: going to let stress get involved as much as we do.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: And it's something that has to be a cognitive decision
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: that we make for ourselves every single morning when we
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: wake up. In fact, I use insight Timer, which is
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: an app for meditation and so on and so forth.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: I use it in my suna and they launched a
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: new feature within their app where you can add the
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: widget onto your homescreen of your phone and you are
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: forced to make an intention every single morning and so
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: throughout your day because we look at our phone seven
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: hundred and fifty thousand fucking times a day. First thing
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: I see when I unlock my phone is this intention.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: And it's actually been really really good for me, especially
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: when it comes to stress management and loving myself and
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: putting myself first and making decisions for me to start
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: my day and not worry about anybody else down on
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: the pike, which as we know, I take care of
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: my sweetie, take care of the dogs. Is here of
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: this and we all do, especially women, And it's a fault.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: It's a beautiful fault that it is a fault. And
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: what ends up happening from a lot of this is
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: we get sick, we get chronically ill because we're not
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: taking care of ourselves, and we end up black sewage vaginas.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: Of the.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: Black sewage vagina, you know, like like the supplime black
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: Hole son exactly. That's actually not a bad song. Theme
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: song for the Pain Game podcast thus far moving forward
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: is black Hole's son.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, Chris Cruel all right?
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, rip Chris, come out all right?
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: So before we hit the dusty trail here, I appreciate
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: you coming on and talking about this, and I know
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: that we raw dog with you, which is something that
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: we plan on doing.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: I know you do.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: That's why I love you for this kind of So
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: before we jam out of here, my love, what do
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: you got for our listeners? People that you know have
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: been struggling with cancer, who have gone through and have
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: gone through similar situations of you, or are just newly diagnosed.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: What do you have to say to these ladies out there?
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Don't be scared. You have time, do your research, reach
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: out to people. TikTok has a wealth of information of
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: women that I have gone through it and it's been
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: kind of my soul lists and good information. Do what's
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: right for you, I know, you know, women, we're so selfless.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: You think about our family, our kids, our lives, our
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: livelihood and our home. Who's going to wash the editions?
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: The you know to that little miniscule mi new detail.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Stop thinking about it, sit with yourself, make a plan,
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: do what's best for you. In my opinion, there's we
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: more things you can do in the meantime before making
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: that human decision. I would advise to try it out
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: see if there's any improvement. Everybody's got a month or
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: two unless you don't unless they tell you you don't. Okay,
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: I'm not a doctor, not giving out medical advice. But
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: do that. And then we're women and we're stronger than
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: you think. We are the givers of life. We are
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: the people that populate the world, and we were here,
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: we've been we were put here for a purpose, and
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: we don't need to die for some stupid reason. So
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: remember that if you think you're going to die, you're
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: going to die. If you think you're not going to die,
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: then you're not going to die.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: You're going to live. You're going to live.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, work on your mind, work on the power of
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: your mind, and empower those ovaries. Empower or over be
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: a woman. It's for real. We're strong. You know, in
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: every other culture the women do all the work. And
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: even in the animal culture, you know you're lioness. You
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: know the lions do. The Lionesses do all the hunting amendously.
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: They're all day and impregnant women. Well I mean it
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: sounds like America. Okay, well that's what they do.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you again for being here. I really appreciate your
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: time and I love you being alive. You're pretty awesome,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: all right, So before.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: We jam out of here, thank you again for being here.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: I have a new bite sized extension of the Pain
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: Game podcast. It's called Pain Bites b y t E S.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: I am going to be serving up a small but
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: mighty dose of real talk on Fridays every other Friday
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: as of right now, because I want to see how
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: this all shakes out.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: But I can't do it without you.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: So I am calling upon you are VIPs to submit
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: your wins, your losses, your struggles, your celebrations, everything in
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: between from your week, and I'm going to highlight you
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: anonymously if you would like so, send me your voice notes.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: Do it.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: Get engaged.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: You can go to Instagram and there's a link in
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: my bio that talks about you can click on it
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: and if there's a little form, it's super easy to do,
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: and you can submit your voice memo too, So go
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: do it because pain bites, and it bites in so
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: many places, but it also can bite you back in
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: a good way too, because this is what the show
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: is for, is giving pain purpose.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: Thanks again, Corey for being here. I really appreciate it.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: You are exclusively invited to share this raw dogging, overy, empowering,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: love yourself VIP pain journey together.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Let's get to the heart of how to heal with
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: you by my side.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: Please follow the Pain Game Podcast wherever you digest your
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: podcast content, we will be there. Visit us at the
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: Pain gamepodcast dot com and follow us on all the socials.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: Thanks for listening, my little VIPs. Catch you on the
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: other side.