Latest / Recovery Chronicles / Recovery Chronicles Ep. 168 - Cody M.

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Recovery Chronicles Ep. 168 - Cody M. · Recovery Chronicles

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Recovery Chronicles, where we dive deep into
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the inspiring journeys of individuals who have triumphed over adversity
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: and found healing and resilience on the path to recovery
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: from drugs and alcohol. We'll sit down with people who
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: have embrace changed and emerge stronger than ever. Get ready
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to be uplifted, motivated, and empowered as we embark on
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: a journey of healing, growth, and possibility. Welcome back to
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: the Recovery Chronicles. Today, we have Cody here to share
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: his story with us, so thank you for being with us,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having so First off, how what is
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: your drug of choice and how long have you been sober?
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I'd have to say it's kind of across, probably more
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: alcohol than anything, but that's usually what winds alcohol.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, so little over four months, Good for you. Tell
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: us what you using looked like when you first started.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: How old were you.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: As pretty young, I don't know, maybe your ound eleven
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: twelve area, and that just kind of, you know, started
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: with the my brother was six years older than me
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: type of thing, and I kind of tried to run
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: with his crowd, which I was kind of more in
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: his shadow in that.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: But you know, I uh.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Tried to fit it in.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I guess you said you were eleven or twelve?
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Uh about eleven twelve er?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, so your brother was like seventeen eighteen years old? Yeah, okay,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: what were you using at that point?
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: At that point just drinking for the most part.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, the if you think about the first time you
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: that you drank alcohol, what was the appeal or what
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: did you get out of it?
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Well, the first time I drank.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Out, Claus really quite young and there that too is
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: kind of just more of a acceptance thing, I sum,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: but uh yeah, I don't really remember drinking enough to
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: have like a feeling or anything like first couple of times.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Uh.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: The appeal otherwise was actually there really wasn't a whole
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: lot of appeal, cause it's not like I could drink
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: a lot. But it didn't take very long for that
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: to change.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So so when did that change?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know, Probably.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Probably just a couple months in the hacking it regularly
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: as moved.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: So was it kind of one of those things where Okay,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: my brother, my older brother's cool. His friends are cool
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: cause they're older and they do all these cool things,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: and they drink a lot, so I should drink a
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: lot cause then I'm cool. Well or did you physically
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: like getting intoxicated?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, I probably physically like getting toxicated.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Do I guess the appeal to or is it in
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: a way, you know, like being like my dad type
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: of thing?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Mm?
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: He was a.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So kind of maybe this mindset of like this is
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: just what you do, yeah kind of, or if I
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: wanna be cool like them, this is what you do
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: in a sense.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I don't even know it cool with so much a
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: part of it.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Uh huh.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Oh, my dad's I like the whole family. For the
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: most part, it was pretty heavy drinkers.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Mkay. Did you graduate high school or did you ever
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: get in trouble during your school years?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: And I did not graduate though, okay because of the
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: alcohol use or.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Well, I'd probably be.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Lying if I said no completely.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: But for the most part, my idea of quitting was
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: simply just I'd rather make a paycheck mm. And I
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: had a decent job at the time, and so, but
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: it didn't take all too terribly long before you know.
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: I realized what I kind of wish m m hm.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Sure, so kind of that idea of like YB in
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: school if I can make money without it, right, Okay,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: but you were drinking during the time, Oh yeah, so
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: it helped you to be able to drink more if
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: you didn't have to go to school.
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: Kind of well, I don't know enough school there towards
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: the end of it really wouldn't mattered in my opinion,
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: but I suppose.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I could be way to look at it.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Sure, So once you turn eighteen, did you're using increase
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: or once you dropped out of school did it increase?
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Not a lot?
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: My drug us increase a lot?
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, when did you start with the drug use.
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  Speaker 2: That? Once again, though I was pretty young at it's
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: a variety, the small pot probably since.
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  Speaker 3: I was thirteen.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: It's always But then that kind of just was the
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: way the constant is kind of like alcohol. It was
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: just always there.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: Wasn't so much your increase your decrease. It astorys a
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: lot all the time.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: But for a while there I had gotten into the
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: pills feel bad.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Which kind of.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: As an adolescent, yeah, okay, the fourteen fifteen okay, And.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Then somewhere in there, somewhere between there and like eighteen.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: Alright, was playing around.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Heroin quite a bit.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: But how'd you get into that?
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: I don't know, honestly.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: I think it was just so it's on the Hunter
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: pills and.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Then some reason I got something better, kay cause you
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: are from a small community, like so in my mind,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: in a small community, it's about supply and demand, right,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: like it if there's supply, there's demand, or if there's demand,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: there's supply, Like you know what I mean. Like, if
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: you're the only person in the small community using heroin,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: you probably need to go somewhere out of that small
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: community to find the heroin.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So apparently the way I'm perceiving it is there was
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: heroin in your small community.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Occasionally, and I think that's all how it got started.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: But it didn't take long for I was looking for
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: that elsewhere.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you would leave town to get it?
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: Okay, Okay?
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Where did the prescription opiate start? Where you prescribed? Did
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: you have an injury or again? It was just kind
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: of a it was there and you were like, okay.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: That was pretty much. I I actually think it kind
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: of started with I uh, I was doing some psych stuff.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: For a while and how come.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: Kind of.
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  Speaker 2: Well that kind of because of what a lie a
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: kid said, which is kind of mind bloying because that
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: it's the weight that it really had on my life
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: or r like the events after.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: But do you care to share the lie?
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a kid had.
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  Speaker 2: Said that I I threatened him after a basketball game
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  Speaker 2: that I like basically taggled him and held my knife
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: was thrown and said I was gonna kill.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Him if you didn't leave me alone.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, And you didn't do that.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: No.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't even stick around after the basketball game.
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: I went straight home, okay.
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  Speaker 1: And you didn't have an alibi?
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: No, But I do know what he was talking about,
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: Oh like there was like as.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Far as there was some credibility to his story.
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  Speaker 6: Like I did have a knife, Uh huh, No, it
• 7:47
  Speaker 6: was just a little pocket knife.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: There was you know, it was at the basketball game
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  Speaker 3: cause I was on the bench.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: But we played for really small school, you know, so
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: it was kind of the we weren't living in.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Harvey at this time.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Where were you livingeld okay, And.
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  Speaker 2: I was sitting there and I had just seen tremors
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  Speaker 2: the night before it And I seem.
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  Speaker 3: So stupid now, but I just.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Kind of wanted to be like burn see the reflection,
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  Speaker 2: see if I could see the score.
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  Speaker 7: Mmm.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, and that's all it was.
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  Speaker 3: And then I think I may have turned around.
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  Speaker 2: And told the kid to leave me alone.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm nothing, you know, sure, all so you kind
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: of misconstrude the story. Yeah, and then it was a
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: unated psychological help because you were.
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: Violent, violent whatever. Sure, okay, threw me an mandatory counseling.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, and.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Hindsight.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, I probably would have just said I
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: didn't have that stupid night if I would have been thinking.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: But I mean, I'm glad I did.
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  Speaker 2: I did do it because the counselor that started with
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: me there, she would come down.
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  Speaker 4: From Harvey mmmm hm when we.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Moved back up there, just I was the same uh,
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  Speaker 3: the same lady.
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  Speaker 2: So it was h she was a really big help
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  Speaker 2: in my life with other stuff, but I didn't didn't
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: realize I needed help with But the s I don't
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: know if he's a psychologists or what. But the guy
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: that who would prescribe me these different medsin but they
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: were trying to kind of find the right combination or
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: just the right medics in general.
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  Speaker 3: And I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: I I didn't like the way it made me feel
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  Speaker 2: so then I thought it was like kind of a
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: good idea, like, hm, you know here.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: About somebody else's like medicine, just like here, let me
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: try those, you know, m h. Of course I didn't
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: try any like.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I could have been allergic to so much stuff that's
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: amazing in my life.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: But like cause that was the kind of guy where
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: it's like, oh, you guys, do this or that or
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: the other thing, and I give you what eight of
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: 'em and we'll see wirdgos.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: That's cool.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: MM. So that's how that started. Yeah, how long were
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: you using the pills? But before you started using the heroin?
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Probably not real long cause and this is what still
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: blows my mind. Me and a friend of mine our
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: habit was pretty expensive, and neither one of.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: Us at the time had a job. H.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I mean you were children, so no, no, this other
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: guy wasn't. Oh okay, so this other guy was hanging
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: out with a teenage sixteen at the time. How was
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: this person?
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Family?
• 10:31
  Speaker 8: Pretty both of you okay, but I don't remember what
• 10:34
  Speaker 8: well you probably your family see if I season, I
• 10:40
  Speaker 8: don't know, both probably ten fifteen.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: Years older than I and stuff like that.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Okay to like twenty five, twenty six. Okay, okay, so
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: neither of you have a job, but you're supplying this habit.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like we were getting rid of enough
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: to We've been paying for it.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: So I didn't, you know, really want you're ready it.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: We just wanted to do it.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: M hm.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: You know, trying to do the mask this day still
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: doesn't make sense to me.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Be sure how well you afford here, but sure A
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: lot of logic involved in substance us doesn't make sense. Yeah,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: it's not very logical, right, Okay, so you're using heroin?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: How long were you doing that into help? Like until
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: what age?
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Oh, let's see, pow.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Wow, probably sixteen seventeen something like that, if.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I had to guess, h okay, and then what.
• 11:42
  Speaker 8: That was?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Kind of off everything for a little while.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're sober, but I mean not sober.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I would say that.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: Okay, drinking okay, but.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally got off, but pretty much everything for
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: whether if something came be.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Sure, why not?
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: But sure, let you go out of my way for nothing?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Sure?
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: And then so that's about that, and then there's probably.
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: Maybe two years or so.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: That's not like eighteen nineteen, I got in speed again
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: because it just went from I got such a kick
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: out of that because as a kid, I hated math.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: I absolutely hated math.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Why I had no all, Okay, but you hate math,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Okay, well, well you must have known
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: people who were doing it.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Well, the reason that I hated math was because a
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: girl that I was seeing. No, you know, I really
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: don't know that would have influenced it, but that would
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: have been after the fact. But there was a girl
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: that I was seeing at one point where she just
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: she absolutely hated meth and she had a very good reading, whereas.
• 12:58
  Speaker 8: Myself I was just like man, man okay, mm hm
• 13:03
  Speaker 8: mm hmm.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: But eventually that didn't matter because.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Obviously, yeah, so you started using speed and it again.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: It was just one of those instances where like it
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: was around that one made me quite angry.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: Actually, I U hanging around that Sam dude that I
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: was doing fills with.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: And I go upstairs and he's got a plate and
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: he offers me a lie.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: I didn't even think about it.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: And it's kind of dark. I was just like whatever,
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: you know, my face started on fired. It was just like,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: what was that he's like about.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: You guy, and I do it immediately the gun uh huh.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: So yeah, but then you kept doing it so you
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: were mad, but you kept doing it at the time. Okay, okay,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: what did you fall in love with?
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Well, so it just kind of playing with my creative side,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: like you know, I just.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Tryd of got back and wanted to define.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Just gave me a lot of pet I didn't feel,
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: you know, however, I felt, which I know was never
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: good necessarily.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Kay. How long were you so you were still smoking weed,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: fusing math and drinking. Yeah, okay, and your like early
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: twenties at this point. Okay, how old are you now?
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Thirty three?
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: Okay?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: So did this last for that whole thirteen fourteen years?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Were there times of sobriety?
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: No? Ry pretty much lasted the entire time, except for
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: there was one year stating away from math because of
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: another girl that I was dating and she had baby
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: and stuff and life will agree.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: I don't think she should be handled by somebody that
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: sweat and that poison out either.
• 15:00
  Speaker 8: M hm.
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: But I drank like a fish, you sure.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: And then the last three years, well, prior to last
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: April fish two and a half years prior to that,
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I was off apart drugs almost completely when I was
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: cause I was living down in Florida.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: But so why were you sober while you were in
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Florida and why were you in Florida?
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Well, if moved on to Florida in pursuit of the Lord,
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: and that was kind of what wanted, like the beginning
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: of me wanting to be clean and do the work.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I guess why would one go to Florida in pursuit
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: of the Lord.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: Well, because that let's.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: See that September I had found the Lord and in
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: my case, I would be in salvation through Christ.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: And how'd you find that?
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: It was so interesting, cause it's like when I was eighteen,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: I had lost my brother, and uh I also had
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: a son and whatnot and and s it was.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Kind of a chaotic time, right, uh huh at eighteen,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: well at.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: A seventeen when my son was born, but eighteen when
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: I lost my brother.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Sure, and you're also very young.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then uh, sitting there.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: About that time, like because of my son being born,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I was talking to some folks that my best friend
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: was talking to you, and you were called the folk.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: And the couple times that I actually went to the
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: meeting or church. I almost didn't go the one morning
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: because I knew I stunk like booze. I was wearing
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: a sleeveless shirt, I had ripped up pants, probably fresh tattoos.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I'm assuming, you know, is that time in my life
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: was I was and I was halfway there, and I
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: was all nervous, and if anybody knows me, they know
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not much of.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: A people person.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: So it was kind of I didn't like that. Again,
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: but as.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: I was kind of trying to turn around to go
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: back home and be like, nah, they're dawned of me, Like,
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: you know, if they're.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Really God's people, they ain't gonna care what I wear,
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: And true enough they didn't. And not only that, like
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: that kind of snuck in and it seemed like the
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: dude was speaking right to me. And there's a possible
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: way he could have banks didn't even know it was coming.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: And I happened twice, and so I started kind of
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: following into that.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: But then I lost my brother and I was.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: Kind of just like, yeah, mad at God.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely, And so of course I went back
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: on a lad and uh, when.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Let's see, you would have been I would have.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Been twenty an, I think.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: And when you went to Florida, you mean what.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I turned thirty.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I other than saying, but there was.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: A fellow that who I considered my spiritual parents today.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: They had wanted me to meet him, and I was
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: like all right. So then we went and we chatted
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: for a.
• 18:25
  Speaker 6: While on the doc and in Florida, and he come
• 18:34
  Speaker 6: up this kind of not out of the blue, but
• 18:37
  Speaker 6: to me out of the blue, and once again I
• 18:40
  Speaker 6: knew where heath like alcohol.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure I got Hi just to stay away
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: for this thing, and we're talking. He had some pretty
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: good stuff to.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: Say about the Lord, and I got might preach my interest.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: In all of a sudden, there somebody else that I
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: knew went to the meeting up there. He got a
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: whole with me, and I was like, the world would
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: he want? You know?
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: So I was like kind of one of those gunshot things.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: And I just kind of kept following that, and next
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: thing you know, I go to a joint baptism to this.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: Fellow and his wife, the other fellow that came out
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: of nowhere, and I was like, oh cool, And I
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: think I was happier than those two. It was just weird.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: And next thing, you know, I get back into the
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: word and I started really getting into the whole thing
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: and meeting with brothers.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: And stuff like that, and doing more Bible studies and
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: such a Sure enough, there was like a ton of bracelet.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Hey me, I ran over.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I was sitting at my mom's couch and I was
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: honestly just kind of making a pun and to the
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: fellow who was witnessing to me in my town, and he.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Right like I said that I was making kind of a
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: pun to him just on uh, through messaging.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: And then it just the lights turned on and I
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: realized within that moment, for whatever reason, that I was
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: keeping goden Jesus separate.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: It just all clicked. And I suppose some of them, Uh.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: The problem was myself because I always had this thought
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: of knowledge is.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Power, and I also considered that that we're all our
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: own God or whatever.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Turns out, there's a whole movement on this. I thought
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: it was unique. It's called a new age movement, just.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Like oh what.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: But anyhow, so yeah, then I got invited down to
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: a conference in Florida, and that's how I wound up
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: moving to Florida's cause this is still all COVID.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: Was going on.
• 20:43
  Speaker 8: Mmm.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: And there was this exposure at the camp and I
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: would have never been able to pay for this or
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: not under my spiritual father, like I said, he he
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: offered to pay my way and get me down there
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: and whatnot. And it was it was really wonderful. But
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: uh yeah, there was exposure at the camp. And at
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: the time, they were arresting people for getting on planes
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: with knowing that they had been exposed to COVID. If
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: anybody would go to jab me, so I'd better just stay.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: Put mmm kind of pray on it. And that was
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: where in Florida was this.
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: Okay, in the center of the pistol grip if you will.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you stayed at this camp, or you stayed
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: just in this town and got a job and or
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: what happened and you're sober well at this point, okay.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: I said.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Like I said, I stayed away from the hard drugs
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: almost the entire time I was down there, except for
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: when I came back to.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Visit a couple of times.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: So you were still drinking and smoking weed?
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: Nope, no, no weed, Okay.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Down there just were they drinking at this camp. Okay,
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: So were you sneaking it or explain? Okay, so you
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: were secretly getting drunk a whole lot of really Okay.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: But see, like a spiritual father, I uh he he
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: was like forty years at that time.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: So mm hmm.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: So m he's familiar, you know. And that's who I
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: was living with also, was.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Those two and uh, prior to going to Florida.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: No, No, when I went to Florida, you.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Were living with your spiritual parents. Yeah, okay, so they
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: went to.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Well, they were already living there, see, they had moved
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: years ago, but they were some of the people that.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: Have waitnessed to me first, okay.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: And and they ended up getting what they would call
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: like the calling of the Lord to move.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: To Florida for whatever.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: Okay, got it a few years prior.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: And I honestly never thought i'd see him again.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: But yeah, the camp thing and everything like.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: For that, I was totally sober all of everything, which
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: was kind of a prime time to catch up on
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: sleep in all honesty. Then when I stayed for the
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: remainder of.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: My vacation there, essentially because I was only.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Supposed to be down there for two weeks and then
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: I kind of then I started looking for a job,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: but before I could do that, I was it was
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: kind of impressed upon me to get my ged so
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: that I could go to school or whatever. And these
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: guys helped me out in doing so financially, and then
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: also they helped.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: Fix my teeth, and just they did so.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Much for me. It's unbelievable and even to this day,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: that is an emends. That's going to be a hard one,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: but I I just.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: I don't feel that when should be made like on a.
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: Zoom meeting or whatever.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I wanna go down and actually seen.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: So they're still in Florida. Yeah, okay, so you go
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: to the camp. So I'm just trying to make sense
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: of this. Okay, so you go to the camp, you're
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: sober for two weeks, you can't get on a plane
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: because you're exposed to COVID cause there's COVID in the camp.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: So you move in with your spiritual parents. Are you
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: working or not? At what point do you start drinking?
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: And how? I mean, were you like, oh I just
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: really need a drink or well, see I would go on.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: These bike rides around the lake and halfway through that
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: bike rider is because it.
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: Was twelve miles around six miles through the town Okay.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: And down in Florida pretty much every place like grocery
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: and everything. Now you actually buy a liquor store, but
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: getting calls not all that difficult at all. And when
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: I was first out in a boat being broke and such,
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: like the first time we went up to eat, for example,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: I remember staring over at this table because they were
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: both enjoying draft gears, and I'm.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: Just like, just you know, yeah.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: And.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it wasn't it wasn't.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: It just it almost gave me anxiety because it's like
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: it's just and it's something I had done so much
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: for so long.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: And on that bike ride, I would stop at this
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: one store and kind of I think I started off
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: with something that wound up smelling, and I was just like,
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: I don't want to kind of just do that from
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: time to time and that probably like I'm not really
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: sure how long I was there, maybe a month or two,
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: what real month, I think, And and it was stayed.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: Like that for a long time, but it didn't take
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: all too terribly long before it increased a.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Lot, especially after I had gotten a job where I
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: was getting a steady paycheck and then they turned into drink.
• 26:24
  Speaker 9: At work mmm.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: And all the time us quote unquote hiding.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: But they knew exactly what was going on in the household.
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: And and that's just that I can have.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: To be still to this day. You know, like how
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: disrespectful role they that.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Uh huh.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: And yet you know I couldn't stay away from a
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: drink out of respect for a couple of simple rules.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Uh huh uh huh excuse me?
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: And I think no women kay, yeah, yeah yeah.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Did they kick you out or why'd you leave?
• 27:03
  Speaker 7: Uh?
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: It? It was kind of a I didn't necessarily get
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: kicked out, but I kind of did at the same time.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: M I left on my own.
• 27:16
  Speaker 9: MMM.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: I had I could.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Have stayed, and things would have been a little bit,
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: you know, there had been some friction for a little
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: bit and such. But but n uh, ultimately, no matter what,
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: even if I would have stayed, I I don't think
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: I would have lasted long.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: I think I would have wound up getting kicked out.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Mm hm. So you come back to northwest North Dakota
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: and it's still twenty twenty at this point.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: No.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: I came back in twenty twenty.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Three.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: So you were there for three years yeah, not a
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: few months, right, okay, and you were drinking like every
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: day while you were there, Okay, So it kind of
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: came to a headway where they didn't tell you had
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: to leave, but it was like causing problems.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, especially since I was making some not some
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: white decisions.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Like it's like a girlfriend and such that. Yeah, the
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: big stories small.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: I just simply doing things that shouldn't have been there,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: especially since I was, you know.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: Representing her lower and they fought Sundays and stuff.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Thought that I did a whole lot of speed like preaching,
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: but I did do like I led uh the same
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: most of the time mm and stuff like that. And yeah,
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I just wasn't a good thing for a a And
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: there was a few enough people that are knew, you know.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: But ultimately all it would have taken is for anybody
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: outside to have seen that.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: But like you know that that place would have launch
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: pretty much all credibility.
• 29:05
  Speaker 10: Sure, yeah, so, and I think that's kind of that's
• 29:11
  Speaker 10: not why I left, but like when I had to
• 29:13
  Speaker 10: step down from that because of that, and rightfully so,
• 29:19
  Speaker 10: but I think he.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: Was kind of more of a sham thing.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: And also, you know, I spoke speaking to somebody appear
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: about a career move and.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I believed in but I didn't things that through very
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: well either.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: So okay, so you moved back twenty twenty three, this
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: is like a year ago at this point, and you
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: continue to drink.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, See, if I'm being honest with myself, that's
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: the biggest thing ultimately, was that I'd be able to
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: drink and not be judged for it or whatever. I
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: wasn't even so much about being judged, but at the time,
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: that's how it was for me, because I just wanted
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: to be able to enjoy a couple of beers at the.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: End of the day at work after work, and I.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Blame because the fact that I couldn't do that, that's
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: why I had to drink some sceneor amount is what
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: I want to be in, even though I would drive
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: to get beer and coming up with excuses that just
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: to get to that building, I'll just get back stick.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: And we'll just get a pop or whatever, knowing I.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Was gonna go get booze, asking myself why I can't
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: just turn themselves.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: To go home instead of going up there. It's two
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: miles out of the way.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: So but I felt, yeah, that's if I'm if I'm
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: being honest with myself, I basically move back to so
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I can drink openly but.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Again sure and not be judged or have to hide
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: it or go two miles out of your way.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: And I thought that would be a good idea, you know.
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: Because yeah, I thought I would drink less.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, good rationalization.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so how'd not go.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: It?
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: Okay, I guess.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: Not really, but it just went right back to the
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: way it used to be.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Did you start using math and weed again?
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Uh? Weed? Very sad? Well, I can't say very so.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Did a little while for those to come back. I
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: mean not real long, but it took the least probably
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: four or five months before And yeah, the guy the
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: the the weed thing I didn't really care so much about.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: I just did once in a very wild anyway. And
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: but even that, like I said, that.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Took a while before I started doing that, but mainly
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: just to sleep for the most part.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: So what'd your alcohol and matthews look like in the
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: last year?
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: Hm? Well, actually I was probably drinking kind of less than.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I would have expected, But.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I I was drinking, like I say, before my job,
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: which I worked at a bar, so it didn't really
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: seem you know, like a bad thing. But and then
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: after I always got cause like at this place you
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: were allowed to a free drink or whatever shift and
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: so I obviously always took advantage back. But I don't know, Yeah,
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: it was uh enough every day, I mean, cause it's
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: mainly whiskey. And then I kept my gear at home.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: If I'm not drinking a bar home drink, you know,
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: it's been a crazy price on beer or not. But anyway,
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: that's just a kind of.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Uh eh, quality versus quantity buzz, I guess. But uh
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: that thing as a as that progressed, which didn't take long.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I was buying just a little bit here and there,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: and I like buying like a little.
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: Fifty second for and it would last me like a week.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: It's like cool, you know, just like like a puffer
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: tune and do. But I didn't need anything more then.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: But then I was sitting there and I was like,
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: why am I wasting the money buying this a little bit?
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: But I could just buy a ball mm yeah, so I.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Was like I could probably still use the same way
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: yet great, mm of course you got more more, and
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: then my circle started kind of growing a little bit.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: I kept it pretty small because I just didn't wanna
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: get back and now it wasn't. But then it didn't
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: take long and I was back in Ivy using M
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: and and that it was pretty much clubs off.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: So at what point were you like I should go
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: to treatment or what happened?
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't have came to that.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: Point, mkay, my boss actually, and are you practicing your
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: faith this whole time?
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: It had really went on the wayside. Kay.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: If there was anything that bothered me while I was
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: using that time.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: Was simply the relationship with my with God had really suckered.
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: If I wasn't in the.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Word I uh, I prayed, but I mean rarely so
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: it's but if there was a couple of nights that yeah,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I I literally once I was alone, I know, I
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: said there kind of.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Cried to myself, cried to my God.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Did in remorse, I think more than anything, and too
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: just like having a best friend and then not having
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: that best friend anymore.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: Thing or kind of like what help my brother?
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: You know? So because his presence was very prevalent in
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: my life, like all those things as far as you know,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: like following his will and stuff, doors just flew open
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: and I got places I never expected to be really.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Short amount of time. The moment I turned my back,
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, everything fell.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right now it's wild, but so the getting sober
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: your boss.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: He was dropping the little wheels of recovery kind of
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: along the way he himself had been.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: Well, he's in recovery. And I was late on the
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: couch one day after I had hit the wall.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: I finally ran out, basically, I'm saying there, and I
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: was really sick too, like I think I had actual sickness,
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: and I just wanted the craving to be gone because
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: it was one of those deals too that once again
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: I was telling myself I wasn't gonna get more, or
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: I was telling myself I was gonna quit and I
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: would only increase. So I was like, well, at Anthy's
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: have or both of these things. And then that I
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: called him up the one dow and asked him how
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: because he mentioned these pills that take away craven and
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: I asked him how I got music through treatment, and
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: once I found out later that they were not even
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: for the same thing.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: But.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Whatever, but beings, I said that I was gonna be
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: probably going to treatment, or that I might try it
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: out because I.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: Was just over at this point.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: And I worked with my cousin and another gal who had.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: Recently become editor.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: She became editor at the same time I became editor.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: She was for the bar and I was for the
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: restaurant side.
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: But beings, I had already missed a couple of days
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: or whatever, and I I.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: Made it known that I was willing to go to treatment.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: They the the two gals kind of decided that, you know,
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't really come back until I go to treatment.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: So it was kind of really just going to get
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: my job.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: Back, okay, sure, but at the same rate, it.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: Was you know, not something that was lost.
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: Upon me that I should probably do to okay.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: So.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: Ye, even just getting in those doors.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: So it was tough because the first week I went
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: down here to.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: Or came from Harvey to Dismark.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: For an email, I knew I wasn't gonna make it
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: in time. Like I pretty much lest the dope ma
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: as I was, you know, hit the road and I
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: was like, well move like I tried, and I went
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: back cause I was just scared. You know, I never
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: how to do it, and then I went down again
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: with a total waste trip, same thing a week later.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Uh huh uh.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: The third week, I finally did and I asked for
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: some support on just getting me to the door.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: She's pretty busy with throwing it out and stuff.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: And then and then I was, you know, typical addic
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: to wait way too long til it's like the day before.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: It's like she please just you know, for something. Uh
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: huh anyhow, but then yeah, did that evail? And of
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: course it's still.
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: Using you know, yeah, I used right up until the
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: day I went.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: But uh, were you honest during your email?
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, that's good. Yeah, some people aren't well.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: See, And I was like, if I would have been
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: there for court, I probably wouldn't have been.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: But that was the other thing too, like recognizing the fact.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: That if I didn't, I'll figure out something, you know,
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: it probably wouldn't have been all that long til the
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: courts for evolved. So and if I and I knew
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: that if I would have had been forced to go,
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: it wouldn't have mattered that I would have just did
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: what I had to do. And I got out and
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: just kept.
• 39:09
  Speaker 7: Going and going.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: But I uh, finally made it.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: And then they tell me that they'll be in touch,
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: and I don't think I waited a full day before
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: I got a phone call MM and they said, yep, Monday,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: beds opened up down a Bismark And I said, God
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: was hoping for candy because they had this horse stuff.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Uh huh. So they told you during your evaluation you
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: needed residential treatment.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: They well, they didn't really say anything. I I just
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: flat out and told him, cause they're.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: Like, well, what are you looking for? I was like,
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: whatever's recommended.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Uh huh.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: Whatever you guys recommend, that's what I wanna do, and
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: the whole way through.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: So that's what I did.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: But I I don't recall honestly if it was stated.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: To me MM.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: It must have.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: Been, I guess otherwise waiting for a bit, but yeah, yeah,
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: it must have been. I don't know.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: I was gonna right right.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I was just shocked, Yeah, for sure. So then you
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: get the phone call, yeah, and uh it said that.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: The bets opening up Monday and kind of the same scenario.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: I I think I probably was looking around for extra
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: stuff compared to whatever, just because of the everal last
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: through rather for the.
• 40:41
  Speaker 9: Last twenty years, and I don't think I was able
• 40:50
  Speaker 9: to really get what I was trying to find.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: But the day that I came up, uh.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: Or the night before I came up because I was
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: gonna stay one more night at home with my fiance
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: and uh then I was gonna come down. But that
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: night also I uh got high in the middle of
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: the night and I was just like the script, I'm
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: just gonna go down out so I don't, you know,
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: cause other ways I ain't gonna go down.
• 41:16
  Speaker 11: And on the way down, I was even thinking about it,
• 41:20
  Speaker 11: you know, I was like, you know, I could I
• 41:23
  Speaker 11: don't cut a lot of money, would a little bit
• 41:25
  Speaker 11: that I got it would get me far enough away
• 41:27
  Speaker 11: to where it would matter.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: Which direction i'd go.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: I know I could make it figure you know, I
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: could figure something out. And then just disappeared.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: But for whatever reason, I don't know, if it was
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: a phone call that I had while I was driving
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: down that somebody else was struggling, and it just kind
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: of bummed me out for their sake.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: For what kind of almost like.
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: Well, at least I'm not the bad that guy one
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: of those sure.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: But then I went and I almost lept treating the
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: first day.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: How come I didn't like it?
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: What didn't you like?
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Was sitting there and I was looking around, I'm looking
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: at all like yagos, it's I.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: Don't eat this, somen't think uh huh.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: And even even if they were true, I at least
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: knew I needed to.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Be there to get clean. You know that thirty days
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: is what it ultimately needed.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: But like even like a lot of the tools and stuff,
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying it wasn't a great experience. It's just
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: stuff that I'm already aware of and something that's just
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: because like I've gotten in trouble before, you know.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: But so you do treatment and then what.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Well I do treatment? And well quick before we'd even
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: jump to that r like halfway through treatment. But I
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: finally cause I was only simply for the hard drugs,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: essentially like drinking.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: And one night of a meeting I realized that I
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: was like, what's.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: That call ever done for me?
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: M M?
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: So I figured I kept here and that I should
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: you don't give it.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: Up for a year or whatever.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, maybe that's not a bad idea.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: I'll try.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: And then after treatment, well or before that, even I
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: I had gotten a sponsor, knowing that I was gonna
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: need support back home because back home there's not really
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: anything for meetings, and there is like an AA meeting
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: and they had another deal. But I don't know if
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: that's the case now, but at one time it is
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: being run.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: By somebody that's in active addition, so.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Like a but and to you in that time, like
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: everybody knows your name, so but.
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: And has a story for you, whether it's years or not.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I got the sponsors thinking that was
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: a good idea. And then once I got out of treatment,
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: or even a week before I got out a treatment,
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: I made the decision to state down in bismar for
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: so we're living because once again a year number kind
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: of get kept getting thrown around. I was like, yeah, four,
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: going back to the snake petition, really have a good
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: foundation under my belt. And then after that, as the
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: day's kind of kept piling up, and then I was
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: working my steps and before you knew that was three goes,
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: you know, got to the dread and fourth and fifth
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: fourth step.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: And I don't know what people are talking about, Like
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: I could see why that'd.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: Be bother them, but to me, it was so free,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: just like, alright, I was scared about the fifth step.
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: You know, but I trusted my sponsor and stuff. So
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: it's anna cut.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: But yeah, so I yeah, just kind of totally change
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: everything as far as the word the direction of my
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: life was gonna be going, you know, instead of going
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: back to work, going back home and you know, trying
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: to clean out my life a little bit. I wound
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: up moving to bismar Can in that unfortunately, but is
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: where it is. My fiance and I had, you know,
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: kind of seen that the Lord was working our lives
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: towards different directions.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: Just felt it best to you know, separate and if
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: it's if it comes not just you know or type
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: of thing.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: So if you for anyone out there who's currently struggling
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: with well, first, how long are you committing to sober living?
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: Nine months? Is the commitment?
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: Sure? Good for you it?
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, do you have current intentions of going back
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: to Harvey or you're not even thinking that are in advance?
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: Well, no, I just had to your own intention of
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: going back to.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: Hard Okay, what's your goals for you know the next
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: couple of months?
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: Well, the next couple of months is uh, pretty much
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: just continue on by college.
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: I had just started that MM.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Decided to go back and doing the online thing, which
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: is a little bit tricky.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: For what for uh for psychology?
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: Cool, good for you, and then hone down uh pinpoint
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: where I'm.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: Gonna go with that sure later But then I was
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: hoping to work kind of in the field along those lines.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: But I don't have enough clean time as far as
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: like recovery center. So that's why I want to go
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: over for the steel place.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: But and i'd be paid. Uh, Bill's gotta get paid.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: But so essentially just kind of keep doing the things
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: I'm doing, you know, working with my sponsores and and
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: you know, attending meetings and sticking with my commitments and.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: Good and stuff through for ana and good for you.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: So for anyone out there currently who's struggling with substance use,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: what would you tell them? M, Well.
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: You don't have to be alone M or even feel alone.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: And this isn't for any promotional reasons, but I mean,
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: in their colors anonymously. It as a family I didn't
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: even realize existed and one that I really needed most
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: of my life.
• 47:42
  Speaker 9: MM.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: Good, thank you, thank you for sharing your story with
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: us today. And you know, keep spreading the the message
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: of recovery. Thank you for being here.
• 47:57
  Speaker 7: Thanks, thanks, You don't.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: Know anything more.
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: Glue tol