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SMNTY Classics: SMNTY Lends an Ear · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha a welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you production of iHeart Radio and today,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: since it's Disability Pride Month, I wanted to bring this
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: one back that I did. It was a very we
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: have like me episode within Samantha episodes and then some
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: are like joint episodes, and I if you're a listener,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I'm almost one hundred percent positive you can tell which
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: is which.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: But this one was.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: About my issues with hearing and it has gotten a
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: lot worse since I've done this, and I've been researching
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: into it and into things I could do to improve
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: the situation because it is like my job is an
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: audio so it's sort of important and I'm hoping that
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: sometimes it comes and it passes, you know what I mean.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So hopefully this is not permanent. But that being said,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: there's also an update. I haven't been able to confirm
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: yet if this is true for our show, but currently
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of transcripts coming out for a
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: lot of the podcast on our network, So please listeners
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: let us know because that is something that is very
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: important to us. It has long been something very important
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: to me and we've been pushing for it four years
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: for like almost a decade, I would say, so that
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: is exciting. I haven't been able to. I saw some
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: examples of it and it looked like it was pretty good,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: like the quality of it. But if there are any concerns,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: also let us know about that. But in the meantime,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: please enjoy this classic episode.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is Anny.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Oh it is Samantha, and welcome to Steph. I've never
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: told you a protection of iHeartRadio. Today we're tackling a
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: topic that is a personal one for me, as you know, Samantha,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: because we've discussed it a lot. Due to an injury
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: when I was in middle school, I lost a decent
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: amount of hearing capability in my right ear, and it
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: has impacted so much of my life. The way I walk,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: where I sit, the processing time it takes for me
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: to understand.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm having to do a lot of
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: mental work.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: The panic when talking on the phone if I can't
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: see your face. Oh, the way that I sleep because
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I sleep on my right ear so I can hear
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: if something is happening with my left ear. And I
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: recognize that I'm very, very privileged to have the hearing
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: that I do, but I would be lying if I
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: said that it wasn't a source of a lot of
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: anxiety for me, especially because we.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Are in an audio medium.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Our job is all about hearing and listening, and of course,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: now that we're coming to you from our I call
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: my studio studio quarantine my closet studio.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: That means a lot.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: More phone interviews and or skype interviews.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: So it's been on my mind.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: And I did get this injury in a pretty traumatic way,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: so it's just this reminder every day, and sometimes it
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: is very triggering, and I have I've only just started
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: opening up about it because people at work started noticing
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: habits that I had that I would always sit on
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: one side of the table, I would sit on one
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: side of the boom. And then I had to confess
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: that I phone interviews made me really, really anxious on
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: this show because people would sort of be like, Hi,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I feel like you never talking that much during those
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: episodes listeners right in and I would say, yeah, I'm
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: probably trying very very hard to catch up with what
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: they just said and to process that information and then
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: have a comment. And by the time I've done that,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: the conversations moved on or something.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember when you first told me, I just
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: assumed it was the professionalism of like waiting and pausing
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: just in case they wanted to add things. So to me,
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, oh, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: And as a person that doesn't struggle with that, I
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: can absolutely understand. I'm like, oh, that makes a lot
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: more sense to your reaction time, to your habits in general.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, I actually had my earlier school. I
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: don't know what it's called schools of days that wasn't college.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: What are those primary education?
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Sure, okay, I know words during that time, like my
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: best friend's little sister had also had damage on one
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: side of her ear through illness, and so she was
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: deaf in one ear, and I remember having to understand, oh,
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: that's why she's not paying attention when I'm trying to
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: talk to her on the side of her. It's not
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: just because she's not listening to me, which I'm sure
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: has been an issue with yours your stuff as well.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: When you're like no, I'm not being awkward, No I'm
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: not ignoring you. I just literally did not hear you
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: because you're on the wrong side of my body.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And sometimes I.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Catch myself doing what I feel like is I think
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like dogs do this where they sort of
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: cock their head. So sometimes if the room's been silent
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: for a while, I just kind of turn my head
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: and cock it to make sure there isn't a sound
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: that I'm not picking up on that I should be
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: picking up on. And I even had somebody tell me
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: that it's for a movie I was in. He said
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I almost didn't get the job because of how awkward
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I was on the phone, and he felt he felt
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: terrible when I told him my struggles with the phone
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that's what Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I mean that was
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: in a way both very upsetting and very comforting, right
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: to know, it's not just in my head, right, there
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: is a level of awkwardness happening here.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: To be fair, I am really awkward on the phone
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: as well. I will rush you off a conversation real
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: quick because I hate being on the phone anyway, and
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: I just don't like just pausing and just be like
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: we are you are you saying that me?
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: You?
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Me?
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: You like that whole level.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So that could be.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: So for sure, I don't.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I only have like three friends and a few family
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: members that like talking on the phone. It's just it.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Doesn't seem like it's a really popular thing, and no
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: one likes it. After you could figure out you.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Don't actually have to be on the phone anymore to communicate,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: So I'm like, ooh, let's do this other way instead.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie though, whole like face to face
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: thing is also shocking new level of shocking.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I much prefer that, uh but yeah, yeah,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: for sure. So in this episode, we're going to look
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: at some specific aspects of hearing when it comes to
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: women and listening when it comes to women, and other
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: intersections of that. But honestly, this is a huge.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: There are so many lanes we could have gone down.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, just by the definition of hearing and listening,
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: you could go into the figurative, you could go into
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: the water role, and it is a whole several topic.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Worth absolutely and we definitely have touched on some of
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: those topics in previous episodes and we'll be sure to
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: shout those out as we go along.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: But okay, let's let's get into the meat. The meat.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So when it comes to listening, as with a
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: lot of things, we talk about a whole lot of
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: factors play a role, culture, gender, race, socialization, relationships topics,
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: and many more.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Yes, And for Samantha and I in particular, we've definitely
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: had a handful of episodes where we've talked about how
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: we judge women's voices more harshly when it comes to
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: things like up talk and vocal fry, the credibility gap.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: So those are out there as well, and it does
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: play a role in what we're talking about, but we're
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: not going to hone in specifically on those things too
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: much today.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: So hearing, in terms of science of hearing or of
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: physical hearing, there's a lot out there. Most of the
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: studies seem to suggest that women generally have more hearing
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: sensitivity and greater susceptibility to high frequency noise exposure, among
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: other things, while men have greater sound localization, again, among
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: other things.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to look up so many terms when
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: reading these research papers to understand what was going on.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about hearing loss for a second. Over
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: fifty million Americans experience hearing loss. The National Institute on
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Deafness and Other Communication Disorders found that men are twice
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: as likely to experience hearing loss and much less likely
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: to seek help for it. Men tend to lose higher
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: frequencies first, while women lose lower frequencies first. According to
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: the Hearing Aid Project, that means women's ability to hear
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: vowels is more impacted while men's ability to hear consonants
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: is more impacted, which can foster a lot of miscommunication.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Women with hearing laws are more likely to use verbal
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: and maladaptive strategies, things like interrupting people, informing people about
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: what they're hearing.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Loss all that, right.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: And from what I could ascertain from the study, men
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: are more likely to just sort of shrug it off, right, Yeah,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: But let's talk about listening to women.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: So we have a long storied history of fictional women
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: warning of danger to come. We know this example, maybe
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Casadra warning the grease of the Trojan Horse comes to mind,
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: and not being listened to.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: We have so many examples of this in our media
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: that my co host over at Saber, Lauren and I
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: did a whole episode on this show when it comes
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to the context of horror movies, called why Didn't you
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Believe Her? And then we tied it into the whole
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Brett Kavanaugh thing. So, if you are looking for more examples,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: so many, so many examples right. A nineteen seventy nine
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: study so a little dated, found that when presenting IFO
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: on a traditionally masculine topic, a traditionally feminine topic, and
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: a neutral topic, people listened more carefully to the male speakers,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: even when the presentation was the same. In all of
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: the presentations, even the traditionally feminine topic, there wasn't a
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: difference in who was more informative the male or female
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: presenters are the participants rating of who is more informative.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: When it came to effectiveness, steady participants genuinely raise the
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: male presenter with the same level of effectiveness. But the
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: male respondents gave higher ratings to the female presenters than
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: the women in the study did, and the theory was
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: that men the male participants did not expect the female
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: presenters to be competent, so when they were, they rated
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: them higher than they did the men.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: This is directly out of the study, it says, as
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: one basis for this differential evaluation, Urger Cohen and Zeldage
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: and Lockheed in Hull have suggested that difference in the
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: evaluation of behavior of males and females are directly related
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: to the effect of sex as a status characteristics. Since
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: the male sex is more highly valued and thus is
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: accorded to higher status, Assessments of male behaviors are also
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: valued more even when compared to equally effective behavior performed
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: by a female. A possible consequence of these perceived differences
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: is that if women are perceived as being less competent,
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: this might influence their ability to exert influence and impair
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: their credibility rights.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: A two thousand study used brain scans to determine that
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: men listen with one side of their brain, while women
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: listen with both. This doesn't mean that women are better listeners, though,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: and the researchers cautioned that they couldn't untangle whether this
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: was because of hardwiring in the brain or social conditioning.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: So other research on the brain has shown that even
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: at a young age, boys and girls process language differently,
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: more sensory for boys and abstract for girls. Scientists are
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: still looking into whether these differences disappear in adulthood.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: So we got a lot of things going on there.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: We got a lot of threads of social conditioning and
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: culture than we have science showing something in the brain
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: is going on, and it is difficult to unpack all
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: of that stuff when it comes to why perhaps we
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: do listen to women differently, or there are the sex
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: differences and why and how we listen. And that's only
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: a handful of the studies. We have some more, but
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: first we have a quick break for a word from
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: our sponsor, and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So a
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: few years ago, Carol Kinsey Goehman researched gender differences and
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: communications skills and workplace environments across the United States, Canada,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: and Europe. Respondents generally gave the same ish answers for
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: strengths and weaknesses in themselves and each other. So for women,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: the strengths generally given were ability to read body language
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and pick up nonverbal cues, good listening skills, effective display
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: of empathy, and the weaknesses given were overly emotional, meandering,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: won't to the point, not authoritative right.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: So for men, the strengths were commanding physical presence, direct
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: and to the point interactions, affective display of power, and
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: the weaknesses were overly blunt and direct, insensitive to audience reactions,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: and too confident in own opinion.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: So those are some pretty big differences. And a lot
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: of them do fall along stereotypical gender lines gender performative lines.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: The study broke down communication styles into warmth, so things
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: like carrying, liability, empathy, and authority, credibility, status, and power.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: According to the findings, women are better at the warmth
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: part and men at the authority part. And I was
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: thinking about this, maybe better isn't the right word. It
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: could be that due to socialization and historical power structures,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: that's where women were allowed to excel and that's where
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: men were allowed to excel. Again, really are to unpack
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: untangle all of this? Anyway, The study found that women
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: are better at collaborative environments at dialogue, while men are
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: better at the monologue. Here's a quote from the study,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: which was reported on at Forbes. Women display more warm
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: body language cues. They are more likely to focus on
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: those who are speaking by orienting head and torso to
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: face participants. They lean forward, smiles, synchronize their movements with others,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: not until their heads the universal signal of listening literally
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: giving someone your ear. Men send more status signals through
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: an array of dominant behaviors such as side to side headshaking, anger,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: and disgust. Expressions they stand tall, are they sprawl sitting
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: with their legs spread or widely crossed, their materials spread
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: out on a comfort stable, and their arms stretched out
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: on the back of a chair.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: So this article went on to catalog the general differences
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: in body language between men and women. For men, nothing
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: usually means I agree, whereas for women it can mean
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: either I agree or I'm listening to you, or as
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: an encouragement to the speaker to keep going. It also
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: found that men talk more in meetings than women.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Surprise.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and I was thinking about that too, because
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I find it interesting that in our mainstream stereotype of women,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: it's like they talk more than men. You've got your
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: chatty Kathy's I can't get them to stop, and oh no,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: she's on the phone.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: It's all over. I know.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: My mom was a frequent target of these kinds of comments,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: and when I got older and I would talk to
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: her about that. Oftentimes it's she wanted the conversation to end, right,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: but the usually dude in the picture was just overstaying
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: like I have five examples, I think, and was just
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: talking away at her. And yet she was the one
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: who's getting made fun of. And not that we should
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: be making fun of people who want to talk. But
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: she was the one that was getting picked on for
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: being chatty.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: Even though she probably was just like yeah, okay, yes,
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: encouraging exactly, And research does not bear out that women
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: are the big talkers at all.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Some research has found that in most situations, men dominate
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: seventy five percent of speaking time. Women are more likely
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: to be interrupted than men, a number which goes up
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: when more men are present. But research has also found
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: that even though women are speaking last, people perceive that
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: they speak more than they do. So I feel like
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: this is another way to minimize women, to encourage women
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: to stay quiet, because otherwise you're talking too much and
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: people are going to laugh at you. Now, again, this
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: is a very complex thing that we're talking about with
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: a lot going on. These are generalizations. Always, more researchers need,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: more sciences needed. I will say women, and we've talked
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: about this before, they do typically have more social relationships,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: so I can understand perhaps where that stereotype came from
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: in terms of women just have more people to talk
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: to generally, maybe, but yeah, and I'm probably most likely
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: to reach out.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, so a lot of advice out there in
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: the business realm to be more sort of lean in,
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: put the responsibility on women to adapt to masculinize environment,
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: and that bossy, bitchy fallback is waiting right there in
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: the wings to come on out.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Right, So the advice feels like it's telling women to
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: be more like men. But then when you do that, right,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: then you're called these terms.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Right, you're not doing this enough, but when you do it,
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: you're doing much exactly.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: And also.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: It is sort of implying that this masculine environment is
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: the right one and that women should change to fit
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: into that instead of maybe we should all be listening more. Right, Yes, yes,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: and we do have some more tips around that. But
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: first we have one more quick break for or from
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: our sponsor, am or back, Thank you sponsor. So. I
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: was reading an article in the New York Times when
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: researching this, written by doctor Probolis, and in it she
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: wrote about what she called feminist listening, which I thought
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: was an interesting term, and she described men, particularly white women,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: not engaging in feminist listening when women, for example, were
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: warning of Trump's sexist, racist, abusive behavior.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: Right, And of course, everything we've talked about could further
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: be broken down to the intersectional issues. How do we
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: listen or not to women of color, to non binary folks,
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: to the LGBTQ plus individuals, And we do have a
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: lot of stereotypes that hang ups around voices, which is
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: something we've talked about and again needs to be probably
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: a bigger episode in itself to revisit.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, If you google feminist listening, by the way,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: most of the top results are either listen to women, Okay,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: something about reframing how we construct studies. I actually found
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: this really fascinating. So they in this particular study I'm
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: thinking of, they were describing how we need to change
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: how we listen to participants in studies, examining gaps in
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: research and why those gaps exist, and then words that
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: don't exist. We need to think about words that don't
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: exist around the experiences of women and other marginalized groups.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times when we people conduct these studies,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: they'll edit. So if you're saying a lot of you know,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: ore filler words that maybe those words actually point to
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: something else and we shouldn't be cutting them, we should
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: be documenting why they're there, which I thought was really
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: interesting and Another result I got a lot of when
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I typed in feminist listening was analytical listening to music
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: with a feminist and queer perspective. Should it really really does,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: And apparently some colleges have programs that do this.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: I thought that was pretty neat, pretty neat.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: One thing I really want for us as a podcast
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: is to one day get our show transcribed. And this
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: is something that we used to do, but the budget
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: for it unfortunately got cut. It was so important to
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: me that for a while, I did it myself until
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't have the bandwidth to do it anymore. But
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: I really really want to bring that back, and I'm
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: hoping that we can.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Someday.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Right, So, here are some tips for anyone looking to
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: be a better listener, which I hope we all are
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: doing so, and a couple of easy steps you can take.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: One.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: Stop talking and stop planning the next thing you're going
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: to say. Be in that moment, Listen to what is
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: being said to you, Ask meaningful questions, Ask questions pertaining
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: to what you just heard. Maintain eye contact. Of course
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: that could be a cultural thing, by the way, so
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: if you don't feel comfortable with that, that's okay, but
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: it can't help you. At least see their face, look
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: at their face when they're talking to you.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: It will help. Yeah.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, being present and giving feedback is a really good one.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Being open minded, like, don't immediately judge what someone is
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: saying to you, wait till they finish their thought and
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: then consider it, think about it, ask all up questions,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: don't interrupt, practice empathy, and if you notice someone hasn't spoken,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: check in, give them a platform. And I know in
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: terms of listening and in business contexts, another one I
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: saw a lot and I know we've probably all heard
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: this is make sure credit is going to where it
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: should go, to say that person's name.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: That's a great idea. Somantha has this great idea.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Right Yeah, I think that's really important right now because
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: there's been a big kerfuffle, I guess inside of twitter verse.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: I've been stuck at twitter verse for a minute about
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: people not giving credit to people of color, women of color,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: specifically black women specifically, and we need to remember that
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: as a rasure and it is very very dangerous, especially
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: today in this time point in which we see there's
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: a lot of history trying to be rewritten, and we
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: need to acknowledge where it comes from and why they
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: should be credited.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely, And then for anybody in your life that
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: maybe has any kind of difficulty hearing or hearing loss,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: just you know, check in and say what where can
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I help you? Where can I minimize for me? And
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: again my my hearing, I'm very privileged. It's still I
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: got pretty good in one ear. It really is just
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: like be on that side, right, Yeah, that's all. So
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: for sure, would love to return to this, would love
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: to delve into some of these specific issues more in
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: the future, but for now sort of an overview some
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: big ideas, but definitely would like to revisit. And I
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: actually wanted to read a listener mail we got before
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: we end this one from Donnaka. Donnaka wrote, I have
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: a great fanfic suggestion for you, particularly Annie. Yes, hello,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: I love fan fiction and those menty listeners. It's an
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: alternative universe retelling of Harry Potter, written book by book,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: considering what the series would have been if James and
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Lily had survived the night of Voldemort's attack. This is
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: a project my best friend Chase has been working on
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: for years. Is super well written in and particularly love
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: it because Chase is writing in such a way that
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: acknowledges rolling shortcomings in the works and improves upon them.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: She actually deals with and addresses the inherent racism in
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: the Wizarding World against Centaur's house, helves, goblins, etc. And
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: when characters are queer, she actually writes in the text
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: that they are queer. It's such a wonderful thing that
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: my bestie has poured her heart and soul into. If
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: you two, or anyone is looking to reread Harry Potter
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: during these isolated times, maybe consider Chase's version instead of
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: supporting transphobic rolling. Plus, you don't need to worry about
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: owning the books, as Chase's works are all accessible for
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: free online at archive of her own and her user
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: page Aiden Chase, and on Tumblr and Twitter at HP
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Everyone Lives. Just googling HP Everyone Lives AU will take
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: you right to it as well. She's currently about halfway
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: through publishing The Haplood Prince, so there's a lot of
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: content to read. I think a lot of the listeners
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: would enjoy it, and the fit deserves way more notoriety
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: than it has.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, first of all, I stand any friend who goes
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: out there and rallies behind them.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: What I love this. I love everything about this. I
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: do too, and I'm very excited to check this out.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I've got to say, like being on book six, that's impressive.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: Right, she must have been on it for a long time.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: So impressive, very very excited. Fan Fiction is probably like
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: number one thing going. I have read and written so
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: much fan fiction. I actually joke that I would be
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: very embarrassed at my Internet history right now. But you
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: know what, no shame, no shame, and please please, We're
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: happy to shout things out. Like any entertainment that you
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: think our audience would enjoy, we would enjoy.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Send it our way.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I know we're all looking for more, more things to consume,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and we're so happy to receive those messages and share them.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: And just so you know, we are going to do
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: another viewing party. I know a few people have asked
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: because they missed this one. Although the craft was I
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: feel like it was pretty a bangor start, so we'll
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: be doing this again. We had a good time. It
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: was very limited, but it was still fun. So we
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: will be doing that again because we will be maintaining
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: at home still, so look for that as well. And again, yeah,
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: give us all of your recommendations because we have some time, we.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Do and we could share that with everybody. We could
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: have like a big sminty Oh we should, We absolutely should,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: and for sure send in your recommendations for our next
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: movie that.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: We should watch and book that we should read.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: In the meantime. This brings us to the end of
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: this episode. If you would like to email us, we
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: would love to hear from you. Our email is Stuffmedia
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can also find
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as always to
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: our super producer Andrew Howard, and thanks to you for listening.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Stuff I Never Told You is a production of iHeartRadio.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, check out the iHeartRadio app,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.