Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / What She'd Hand You - A Letter From Future You

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What She'd Hand You - A Letter From Future You · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce, or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate for This Week, a podcast episode titled What She'd Hand You Today.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this episode is going to work a little differently from the usual, and before we start, I would encourage you, if you are in a position that you can do this, to grab a pen and paper.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Actual paper if you can manage it, not your phone.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because today I'm not going to talk at you for 20 minutes and then send you off with something to think about.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Today, you're actually going to be writing something.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to lead you through a practice, something that I do with my one-on-one clients, and support you to actually create something.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And by the end, I want you to have an actual letter in your hand from her, future you, to you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And her is being the woman you're becoming, the one who's already up ahead of you, living a life that you haven't quite reached yet.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's about what she wants you to know, what she would hand you today if she could.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're gonna play along, I'm going to lead you through the process.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you're just listening and not in a position to write, listen right through, and then you can come back in and do the process, lead yourself through the process when you have time and space.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're playing along, maybe hit pause here for a moment just to take a breath.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because before you can write a letter as her, as this future person, you need to actually be able to visualize her, see her, and really feel into being her.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not just the vague kind of glowing, healed future you version of yourself, but someone very specific in all the granular sort of detail.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So this is an invitation if it's safe for you to do right now, to close your eyes, and if you're driving or out walking or doing something else while you're listening, just hold these questions more loosely in your mind, and you can come back to the actual writing later.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to I want you to picture a future version of you, whether that's one year from now or three or five, whatever feels true and accessible for you, not just you know, vague Hallmark card, sort of aspirational, but what can you actually hook into one, two, three, five years' time?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Where is that version of you?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Where is she?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: What does a Friday actually look like for her?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not um, not your Instagram highlight reel, the ordinary parts.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: What does she notice when she wakes up first thing in the morning?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that you don't currently notice.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: How does she feel when she wakes up?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: What does she see?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: What does she notice?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: What has she maybe stopped doing or stopped carrying that you're carrying right now?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: What does she know that you're still trying to figure out?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now open your eyes and pick up the pen.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And again, you might like to hit pause here and take your time, really take your time with this one and actually follow along with me, or you might just like to listen right through, then come back to the letter writing and complete the whole process later.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to give you an opening line for your letter, and you don't have to use it exactly, but sometimes having an opening is actually useful and helpful.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel like you're stuck or you need a bit of help with this, start here.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And in the very first instance, start with your name, Dear Sally Ann.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I would write, dear Sally Ann.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm writing to you from the other side of this, whatever your version of this is, right?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And from there, let her write to you, not a polished up version of what you think she would say.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Really try and embody her and be specific.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the flip side of that is I don't want you to think about it too much.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just write.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Free write.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you think it's silly, even if it feels crazy, just write.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if you get stuck, simply keep writing that one line over and over, that opening line.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm writing to you from the other side.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is me from the other side.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Until you can almost hear her voice, you can feel into her, and the words will start to flow.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And here are the things I want her to tell you, the types of things I want her to tell you.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I tell you, then it's not her telling you, right?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I want her to tell you what her life looks like in all of its tiny details, the actual texture of it, the real granular details, as I said earlier, how she feels when she wakes up in the morning, the first thing she sees, what she feels when she sees that thing, what her bedroom looks like, how she moves through the day, what she thinks about as she moves through her days, what her inner world looks like, as well as what the outer world looks like, the physical world, but let's go in inner.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: What does her inner world look like?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: What is really lighting her up?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: What brings her joy?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: What makes her laugh?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Explore how connected she is to herself, maybe what she's let go of, what she's no longer doing, what she is holding close to her heart, what she is embodying, what she trusts, what she trusts in, and what she trusts about herself, and also what she trusts about you.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So she's sending you a message, right?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So thinking about what she trusts about you, what she knows about you, and what she wants you to know about the season, the life stage that you're in right now.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: The one that might feel hard, tricky, uncertain, like it's never going to end.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: What does she want you to know about the season that you're in right now?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what she's most proud of you for, even the small things, those small things that no one else notices or knows.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: She knows.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: What is she proud of you for?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: The small things, especially the small things.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: What she wishes for you, what she wishes you'd stop believing about yourself, or start believing about yourself.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Stop telling yourself, start telling yourself what she wishes you would say to yourself or stop saying to yourself, what she wants you to start doing, thinking, believing, and what she wants you to stop doing, thinking, believing.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what she wants you to be a little more gentle with yourself about.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing, maybe more than one thing, maybe it's things.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: What things she knows now that she wishes she could just hand you today without you having to go through anything more to know it.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: What does she want you to know?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Be her just for a little while and really believe in her and write from her to you now.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're playing along as as listening, hit pause now and take take some time to write.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this might be something that you revisit over time, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It might not come all in one hit.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: When you're done, and there's no rush, as I said, it might be a process that takes a little while, doesn't get one and done.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Read it back to yourself, read it out loud if you can.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: There is real power in the physical act of writing pen to paper, and then also speaking our words aloud.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you'll probably feel silly, but do it, commit to doing it, maybe even more than once.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: When you read it, when you read it back to yourself, notice if anything surprises you.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the thing you write in her voice isn't something you'd necessarily, or perhaps let yourself say in your own voice.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then this letter becomes precious.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not that you need to frame it or you know, treat it like a sacred object, but I do suggest keeping it.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Fold fold it up, put it somewhere, you'll be able to find it again.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Tuck it in the back of your journal or do it in your journal, your bag, a drawer, the notes out if that's really where you're going to look at it.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: The point isn't just in the writing, the power of this exercise isn't just in the writing and the reading back and the reading aloud.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's about having something in her voice to revisit, to go back to, to use as an anchor and a support on days when your your own voice is a little wobbly and feels like the one that you trust in least.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is a message from future you, right?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this is a letter from some imaginary future version of you, but she's not just somewhere off in the future and waiting for you to catch up.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: She's already partly here in the decisions that you're making today, the ones you don't maybe always get external validation or credit for yet.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: She's there in the choices you're making, the way you're moving through, whatever you're moving through right now, and she already exists in little pieces in what you're choosing today.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And by leading yourself through this exercise, you've just given her a voice to guide you towards her.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And whether you choose to do this exercise in its entirety, or maybe just think about some of the questions that I've raised here, or maybe think about your own questions, your own messages that future you might be wanting to deliver you.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you want to share them, feel free.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Message me, email me, share them in comments if you're brave.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear whether this is a useful exercise for you and what the future version of you would hand to you today if she could.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you so much, and I hope that you've gained a little bit of something from future you in this episode.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Until then,