Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 95: Celebrating Growth

Transcript

95: Celebrating Growth · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:21
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:23
  So guess what?
• 0:24
  This is episode 95.
• 0:28
  On inner work with Marianne Walker.
• 0:30
  And I am still trying to wrap my head around the idea that I have now officially published 95 podcast episodes.
• 0:37
  So in celebration of this episode, I thought I would do things a little bit differently today.
• 0:42
  So today I'm going to share with you four things here on the podcast.
• 0:45
  So first I want to share with you some of the growth that we've experienced here on the podcast.
• 0:49
  And second, what things you can expect moving forward.
• 0:52
  And third, I'm going to kind of reintroduce myself because I have so many new listeners that have joined over the course of these 95 episodes.
• 1:00
  And then also at the end, make sure you listen to the end because I have a free offering.
• 1:05
  That I'm going to share at the end that you will not want to miss.
• 1:07
  So we'll just jump right in.
• 1:09
  Okay.
• 1:09
  So first I wanted to share about the growth.
• 1:12
  I have gained so many followers over these 95 episodes.
• 1:16
  And so first I just want to offer a genuine, thank you.
• 1:19
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 1:21
  I absolutely love technology and the way that it helps me to connect with so many people that I wouldn't have been able to connect with otherwise.
• 1:28
  So for example, yes, I am based in the U S and so the bulk of my listeners are here in the United States, but I also have listeners in the UK, Canada.
• 1:38
  Belgium Taiwan.
• 1:40
  Ireland Australia, India, Peru.
• 1:43
  And many more.
• 1:45
  So, thank you so much for listening.
• 1:47
  I genuinely appreciate your being here and I love it.
• 1:51
  When I can see that a new location has popped up.
• 1:53
  On my download.
• 1:54
  So I'm like, oh, that's a country I've never been in before.
• 1:57
  And of course it starts out as one.
• 1:58
  And then I can see that number slowly growing.
• 2:01
  And that tells me that you are sharing what you find here.
• 2:04
  You're sharing it with your friends.
• 2:05
  You're sharing it with your family members.
• 2:07
  And so thank you.
• 2:08
  I genuinely appreciate that.
• 2:09
  It really does help me to reach more people and to help more people.
• 2:13
  So thank you so much.
• 2:15
  And if you have enjoyed listening to this podcast, I invite you to please leave me a review wherever it is that you were listening.
• 2:21
  So maybe that's on Spotify or on YouTube or on apple podcasts, or maybe you want to just email me at maryann@maryannwalker.life and just tell me how much you just love spending time with me each week..
• 2:35
  But yeah, I would really appreciate it.
• 2:36
  If you would leave me a review, it really does help me to get a little bit of a boost in the algorithms and help and support more people.
• 2:44
  So thank you so much.
• 2:46
  And just because I'm super curious how people are finding me, because it is such a wide range of people from so many different places.
• 2:54
  Then I'm going to include a link in the show notes with a little survey, if you're interested.
• 2:59
  Because I would like to know how people are finding me.
• 3:01
  If you're finding me through friends or family members, if you're finding me through social media or through a Google search.
• 3:06
  And so yeah, if you are interested in participating in that survey, then awesome.
• 3:11
  I will share the results here on the podcast after I've gathered them.
• 3:15
  So yeah.
• 3:16
  Let me know how you found me and what it is that you were looking for here.
• 3:20
  All right.
• 3:20
  Item of business.
• 3:21
  Number two is just letting you know what you can expect moving forward.
• 3:25
  I'm going to keep showing up for you on a regular basis.
• 3:27
  And so I'm really looking forward to that.
• 3:29
  I'm going to continue to find really unique guests to deepen the dialogue here on the podcast, which I'm super excited about.
• 3:38
  And I thought I would do something kind of fun for my 100th episode.
• 3:42
  So Carolina, over on Tik TOK made requests and yes, Carolina.
• 3:45
  I heard you.
• 3:47
  So Carolina requested learning more about how to raise children.
• 3:51
  With the intention that they not be people pleasers.
• 3:54
  And I thought that that was such a fantastic idea.
• 3:56
  Because, yes, there's so much that we can lead by example, but there's also a lot that we can do with a lot of intention as are raising our children.
• 4:04
  So for my 100th episode, I plan to interview my own daughters.
• 4:09
  They have been on the front row, observing my personal growth journey up close and personal.
• 4:15
  And so I thought it would be really fun to have them on the podcast.
• 4:18
  Kind of like as a panel to basically kind of just discuss different tips and tricks for how to raise children, how to help them to stand in their own power free of those people.
• 4:27
  Pleasing tendencies.
• 4:29
  And I am sure that as we have that discussion, you're going to be learning a lot about me.
• 4:34
  As well as my children, I'm sure that they're going to be very happy to share the things that I did well and the things that I maybe should have done differently.
• 4:42
  And didn't do so great.
• 4:44
  So I know it's going to be a pretty vulnerable episode, even though we haven't recorded it yet, just due to the nature of it.
• 4:49
  And so make sure that you're subscribed here to the podcast so that you can hear when that episode drops, because honestly, I am super curious what they're going to have to share.
• 4:59
  Okay.
• 4:59
  So number three, I'm going to re-introduce myself and let you know who I serve and why so my name is MaryAnn Walker and I serve the helpers, the healers and the people pleasers.
• 5:09
  And I serve this population because I am this population.
• 5:14
  As a helper, I provided childcare for countless families, many free of charge.
• 5:18
  I've coordinated community service events.
• 5:20
  I volunteered in my kids' classroom.
• 5:22
  I baked meals for those in need.
• 5:24
  I've helped countless people move and clean up their houses afterwards.
• 5:27
  And I love this part of me.
• 5:30
  It feels so good.
• 5:31
  To be of service to others.
• 5:33
  I love that part of me.
• 5:35
  And as a healer, I've worked both as an energy practitioner as well as, a reflexologist for years.
• 5:41
  And when I was doing this, I was helping people to identify and release limiting beliefs.
• 5:46
  Which is something I also do in my coaching practice.
• 5:48
  I've helped to induce labor.
• 5:50
  I've helped relieve physical and emotional pain.
• 5:52
  And again, this is something that I really love.
• 5:55
  It is so fulfilling for me.
• 5:58
  And of course I am a recovering people, pleaser, and I have been a people pleaser for honestly, as long as I can remember.
• 6:04
  In fact, even as a child, I was a people pleaser.
• 6:06
  I wanted everybody to be happy and I took it upon myself to make everybody happy.
• 6:11
  I knew that I needed to show up in very specific ways.
• 6:14
  Right.
• 6:14
  So I always had a smile on my face.
• 6:16
  I was saying I would dance.
• 6:17
  I didn't want anyone to experience a negative emotion ever.
• 6:21
  And honestly, this came really naturally to me.
• 6:23
  I was a very happy child.
• 6:25
  And my mom has even told the story on multiple occasions of my waking up in the morning, standing up in my crib and just singing.
• 6:31
  "A happy day! A happy day!".
• 6:35
  I just had a lot of love and a lot of joy to give.
• 6:38
  And I knew that I could share that joy with others So another example that I'll share is in fifth grade, I invited every single girl from my fifth grade class to a sleepover at my house that is so many little girls.
• 6:55
  And now that I am a mom, I feel the need to give my mom a special shout out for even agreeing to that.
• 7:00
  I did not know many moms that would agree to, I don't know how many it was, what, 10 to 15 girls spending the night at our house.
• 7:07
  And I absolutely loved it.
• 7:09
  It was so much fun.
• 7:11
  And I wanted to intentionally invite everybody in my class because I genuinely didn't want anyone to feel left out.
• 7:18
  I wanted to make sure that everybody felt included and it is such a noble and good thing to want everybody.
• 7:24
  Everybody around you to experience joy, right?
• 7:26
  It's not a bad thing at all.
• 7:27
  In fact, oftentimes when I tell people that I work with people pleasers, then they're kind of confused.
• 7:31
  Like, well, what's the problem with being a people pleaser, what's wrong with wanting to make other people happy and there's nothing wrong with wanting to make other people happy.
• 7:41
  And there's also a big difference between people pleasing.
• 7:44
  And pleasing people.
• 7:45
  And I dive into this in more detail in episode 67, I will link that in the show notes, but for now, I just want to be clear that there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to make other people happy.
• 7:55
  It only becomes problematic when we find that we're prioritizing other people's needs and emotions over our personal wellbeing.
• 8:04
  And that is when we find ourselves experiencing the burnout, the compassion, fatigue, the anger, and the resentment towards the very people that we're wanting to love and to serve.
• 8:16
  And guess what.
• 8:17
  I've been there too.
• 8:18
  Even though I'm a pretty happy person and that just comes naturally to me.
• 8:22
  I also know how it feels to have nothing left to give.
• 8:26
  I personally know the struggle of thinking.
• 8:28
  Well, maybe if I keep showing up in love and support for them, Then maybe they'll start showing up with love and support for me.
• 8:34
  I know how it feels to realize that your relationships are out of balance and that there's a lot of energy going out.
• 8:40
  And not so much coming back in, and I know and understand how unsustainable that is.
• 8:46
  I have seen for myself, the anger and the resentment that comes from noticing this imbalance and also being too afraid to share what it is that you want and correct that balance, even if it's just over simple things like.
• 8:58
  It actually expressing where it is that you would like to go for dinner because of that internalized fear.
• 9:03
  And sometimes then this can be a little comical, right?
• 9:06
  Like I have a girlfriend here locally that was wanting to meet up for lunch.
• 9:09
  And honestly, neither one of us could decide on a place.
• 9:12
  It was so comical, but there's a big difference between honestly not caring where it is that you want to eat, because you honestly just genuinely want to get together.
• 9:22
  And there's a difference between that.
• 9:23
  And also not saying where it is that you want to eat, because you're worried that the other person is going to be upset.
• 9:29
  By your decision.
• 9:31
  And that is where coaching comes in.
• 9:33
  I have personally experienced so much more peace.
• 9:37
  Than it would have ever thought possible through coaching.
• 9:40
  I am significantly less anxious than I used to be.
• 9:43
  I'm significantly less depressed.
• 9:45
  I'm infinitely better at stating and holding my boundaries because I have finally learned how to manage and regulate my own emotions around other people's disappointment.
• 9:56
  I have so much more peace and joythan I used to have and because I have benefited so much from coaching.
• 10:03
  I decided to become a coach to help other people like me.
• 10:08
  So as someone who has been there, I want to help you to find healthier ways to show up in love and support for others while also showing up in love and support for yourself.
• 10:19
  I want to help you to create more balanced and sustainable relationships.
• 10:24
  I want to show you how you can decrease anxiety.
• 10:26
  Stop walking on eggshells.
• 10:28
  And find your own voice in relationship again.
• 10:31
  And that leads me into my final talking point for this episode, my virtual offering.
• 10:36
  I am so excited about this.
• 10:39
  So on April 19th, I'm going to be hosting a live virtual workshop on how to stop people pleasing.
• 10:46
  This is going to be a free event, but you do need to register so that you'll know what time the workshop's going to be.
• 10:52
  And so I can send you the link to not only join the call, but also to view the replay afterwards.
• 10:58
  And so, yeah.
• 10:59
  Make sure that you come and register for that.
• 11:00
  I'm going to put the link in the show notes.
• 11:02
  But during this workshop, then I will be sharing some tips and tricks around people, pleasing and sharing with you.
• 11:07
  Something that I think is a pretty big deal.
• 11:08
  And since I love you, I'm going to give you a sneak peek into what we're going to be talking about.
• 11:12
  Now too often when we talk about people pleasing, we assume that the problem with people pleasing is someone's inability to set boundaries or maybe it's low self-esteem or low confidence.
• 11:23
  And it can be these things.
• 11:25
  But more often than not.
• 11:27
  People pleasing is not actually a boundary issue, but instead it is an under feeling issue.
• 11:34
  And when I tell people that it oftentimes gives them pause because so many people that are people pleasers are also empaths or highly sensitive people with really big emotions.
• 11:45
  In fact in their mind, that's all they do all day.
• 11:47
  Every day is feel feelings, really, really big feelings.
• 11:52
  But here's the thing.
• 11:54
  Yes.
• 11:54
  These people are experiencing a lot of emotion.
• 11:57
  But the reason they're experiencing so much emotion and especially so much negative emotion.
• 12:02
  Is because they are resisting emotions.
• 12:06
  Then, let me explain real quick people pleasers.
• 12:09
  They are highly attuned to the emotions of others.
• 12:12
  They know what it is that other people need, and they're especially tuned in to other people's discomfort.
• 12:18
  So essentially they have their radar going off all the time and they're constantly checking in and constantly asking, okay, I'm going to check in with everybody.
• 12:25
  Okay.
• 12:26
  Are they getting enough food?
• 12:27
  Are they warm enough?
• 12:28
  Are they cool enough?
• 12:29
  What might make them more comfortable?
• 12:31
  What could I do to keep the peace?
• 12:32
  What can I do to make sure that everybody feels good?
• 12:35
  And when we're in that mindset, it can feel like walking on eggshells all the time.
• 12:40
  And sure, oftentimes you do this just to be nice.
• 12:43
  But most of the time with people pleasers the real reason why they want to make sure that everybody else feels good is because they struggle with processing their own emotions, especially their negative emotions.
• 12:55
  They believe that if they can minimize discomfort for others, then they can minimize discomfort for themselves.
• 13:01
  So they go through life, really trying hard to manage everybody else's emotions, thinking it will make them feel better.
• 13:07
  And it does.
• 13:08
  Temporarily.
• 13:10
  But more than likely those negative emotions are eventually going to surface.
• 13:14
  And when they do it can be a real challenge for this population.
• 13:17
  But there is a way to find joy free of walking on eggshells.
• 13:22
  And that is exactly what I'm going to be talking about at this live virtual workshop.
• 13:27
  So come and join me, register with the link in the show notes, or come and visit my website at maryannwalker.life to save your seat, bring your questions with you.
• 13:34
  I am.
• 13:35
  So looking forward to having a live discussion and a live conversation with you, I do truly feel like we're friends.
• 13:42
  And I am looking forward to just seeing your faces.
• 13:45
  I'm super excited about it.
• 13:47
  I am.
• 13:47
  So looking forward to seeing you there.
• 13:50
  So just to recap first, I want to thank you so much for being here and supporting me for these 95 episodes.
• 13:57
  Also make sure that you are subscribed so that you can hear all of the ways that I have both failed and succeeded as a parent.
• 14:04
  So keep tuning in here to the podcast.
• 14:06
  And yeah, and I have totally been where you are, and I would love to hear more about how we could support you.
• 14:11
  So go and check out the show notes to both, leave me a review and to get registered for this free live event that will be happening on April 19th, 2024.
• 14:21
  Also as a side note, this is a bit more personal thing as I was looking for what date I wanted to do it.
• 14:25
  I wanted to make sure that this was going to be after the Boston marathon.
• 14:29
  My husband is planning to run in the Boston marathon.
• 14:32
  And it's been so interesting to observe his brain and my brain, because I like to know what the plan is.
• 14:37
  And my husband has had this as a goal of his for quite some time now.
• 14:40
  And he has injured his calf.
• 14:43
  So he's been going to physical therapy.
• 14:45
  Did you guys know that they have treadmills under the water to create resistance?
• 14:48
  I had no idea, but anyway, he's been doing everything he can to prepare for the Boston marathon.
• 14:52
  We are both really hoping that he will be able to run and participate in that.
• 14:56
  So if any of my listeners are planning to be at the Boston marathon, I'm going to be wandering around and spectating on my own.
• 15:02
  And I would love to meet up.
• 15:04
  So please send me a message.
• 15:05
  If you're going to be at the Boston marathon.
• 15:07
  So, yes, this live event will be happening on April 19th after the Boston marathon, which hopefully we will be attending.
• 15:14
  So send any good vibes to my husband that you can, that he can have a speedy recovery.
• 15:18
  So, yeah, I am.
• 15:19
  So looking forward to talking with you more, so, yeah, come and register for this free event.
• 15:24
  I am.
• 15:25
  So looking forward to it.
• 15:26
  I love you all.
• 15:27
  And guess what?
• 15:28
  You are all invited to my sleepover.
• 15:30
  All right.
• 15:31
  I love you guys.
• 15:31
  And let's talk soon.
• 15:32
  Bye now.