Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP. 53: The SHOCKING Truth About Loneliness: 71% of Millennials Feel It | The Ambitious Podcast

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EP. 53: The SHOCKING Truth About Loneliness: 71% of Millennials Feel It | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

0:08
Hello and welcome back to Ambitious.
0:10
Today we are talking all things friendship.
0:13
And before we dive in today, I want to first say welcome.
0:17
If you are new to the Ambitious podcast, I'm so excited to have
0:20
you here and to have you part of the Ambitious family.
0:23
And also, if you are one of your OG listeners and you know who
0:26
you are, those who listen every single week to our solo
0:30
episodes, the guest episodes, and you are diving in to the
0:33
content to help you to be even more ambitious than every bucket
0:36
of your life. I also want to say welcome back
0:39
and thank you for listening. I am very excited for today's
0:43
topic because I feel like this is something that I talk about
0:46
with my girlfriends all the time, but we don't usually see
0:49
discussed at length on podcast necessarily.
0:52
And today we're talking all things friendships because I
0:56
don't know about you, but I feel like it's so hard to make
0:59
friends as an adult. Like, I remember when you could
1:03
like, be in elementary school and you could hug a random
1:06
person on the playground and like two days later, that person
1:08
was your best friend. Or you could just hang out with
1:11
someone one time. And then from that point on
1:13
where you were like kind of secretly inseparable.
1:15
Like where did those days go? I don't know.
1:18
But I feel like as you get older, you really start to
1:22
change the way in which friendships are created, the way
1:25
that they're maintained. And I feel like also because as
1:28
we get older, our lives become more complex, we're also tested
1:32
in the ways that friendships maintain themselves over time.
1:35
And so the reason I want to talk about this actually is genuinely
1:38
how this came to be was I was having a conversation with a
1:40
couple of girlfriends about friendship.
1:43
And obviously us as a, as a circle, we had been friends for
1:47
a while now and we all kind of came into each other's lives,
1:51
not from college or from high school or any of those, you
1:54
know, kind of traditional developments from when you were
1:57
younger into adulthood. But we kind of came into each
2:01
other's circles in a way randomly.
2:03
And so we were talking a little bit about friendships because it
2:07
actually came up in the conversation of how you pick
2:09
your bridesmaids and you know, how you come to pick those
2:12
people to stand with you. And then some of them are people
2:15
you haven't even known that long, but yet you have such a
2:18
deep connected relationship. And so it's starting to get
2:20
this, this ball rolling when it comes to friendships.
2:23
And so you know me, you know that I have a very inquisitive
2:26
mind. And because that I'm really
2:28
curious about some things, I, sometimes I, I get my teeth
2:32
locked onto something and I just can't let it go until I get an
2:35
understanding of, OK, well, what does this look like in the
2:39
bigger context? And so one thing I want to say
2:43
is I want to actually share with you some data around
2:46
friendships. And I think this is going to
2:47
shock you because I'll tell you, it shocked me.
2:49
And I'm gonna go through a couple.
2:51
And then in today's episode, we're gonna cover a bunch of
2:53
things, OK? We're gonna talk about the
2:54
challenges of how you can create friendships in adulthood and why
2:59
are we challenged to have harder adult relationships.
3:01
We're gonna talk about how to navigate what is called the
3:04
friendship drift. And you're probably starting to
3:07
get your mind going as to who maybe that person might be in
3:09
your life. You're also going to be hearing
3:12
about why are friendships not only harder to have, but also to
3:17
be able to maintain in today's world?
3:20
And also some tips on what to do if you feel like maybe your
3:23
current friendships in your life are not necessarily entirely
3:26
fulfilling for you. And if you are someone who wants
3:29
to develop more deeper connected relationships or maybe more
3:33
thriving friendships in your life, we're also going to talk
3:36
about where you can find some new ones.
3:39
So as I said, the data was kind of alarming and I'm going to
3:41
kind of explain some of these out for you.
3:43
So in 2017, there was a study done that said 1/3 of adults
3:49
report having no close friends, 1/3.
3:52
OK. Another study in 2018 said that
3:55
it found 46% of Americans all reported feeling lonely due to
4:00
having difficulty in making adult face to face and deep
4:05
connected, meaningful relationships.
4:07
And I started to kind of then go down the rabbit hole of, OK,
4:10
well, if 1/3 of everybody has no close friends, they know, right?
4:17
So in 2017, 1/3 of adults said they didn't really have any
4:19
close friends anymore. And then we find out that almost
4:22
half of all Americans who are adults reported feeling lonely
4:26
in their life. I started to wonder, OK, like,
4:28
is this just an age thing? Is this like a generational
4:32
thing? And the results were kind of
4:35
mind blowing actually. So let's work down from the top.
4:38
Baby boomers, typically those 55 to 73, said that they had a
4:41
loneliness rate of 46% of their their generation feeling lonely.
4:46
So baby boomers had 46% feeling lonely.
4:49
The next generation, 39 to 54 came with 61% of Gen.
4:55
X feeling lonely sometimes, if not always OK.
5:01
Then we had millennials, which is me ages 23 to 38, who said
5:05
7171% of them said they reported feeling lonely consistently and
5:14
with the highest number across all of these generations, Gen.
5:18
Z ages 18 to 22 reported feeling that 79% of them said that they
5:24
almost always feel lonely, 79%. So of course I went down the
5:31
rabbit hole and I thought OK, why?
5:34
Why is this happening? And so hence today's topic, Why
5:37
are we all struggling for connection?
5:40
Why are we struggling with friendships and relationships?
5:42
And why are so many of these generations feeling lonely
5:45
again? 46% lonely, 61% lonely, 71%, and
5:50
then Gen. ZS with 79% lonely.
5:54
So what I started to wonder was OK, like, what does this do?
5:57
And is this really because we're struggling to maintain
5:59
friendships? Is it because we don't know how
6:01
to make new ones? Is it because friendships are
6:04
just not happening the way that they once were?
6:06
And so it got me curious. And so in diving a little bit
6:08
more into it, what actually came up as a study in 2018 was that
6:12
it showed that adults who work full time often deeply struggle
6:16
to balance both social life and their work.
6:19
And the report indicated that 65% of workers said that they
6:22
had very little time for personal friendships and
6:25
relationships because of the ongoing demands of their job.
6:30
So also interesting here for U.S. business owners, right, who
6:33
have as you know, entrepreneurship roller coaster
6:36
of events, really interesting for us to look at how is maybe
6:40
our work or our full time work keeping us from creating and
6:43
maintaining these thoughtful connections and relationships.
6:46
So I thought, OK, why are we challenged?
6:48
Why are we challenged to create friendships?
6:51
Why are we challenged as adults when we can't just hug that kid
6:55
on the playground anymore? Why are why are we struggling
6:57
with friendships? And one of the things that came
7:00
up was really looking at the difference in time and life
7:05
priorities, because life priorities obviously impact
7:08
time. So if you are somebody, let's
7:10
just say, even as we said as an entrepreneur, if you're an
7:13
entrepreneur who's working non-stop, so maybe you are in
7:18
the starting stages of your business and you're constantly
7:20
working. If you're constantly working,
7:23
there's a high possibility that you're working so much that your
7:26
nine to five friends don't necessarily fit into the same
7:30
flow of work schedule as you. Or let's just say, as you get a
7:35
career, you decide that you're going to take.
7:37
Say you're not an entrepreneur and you work like a night shift
7:40
job. Well, if you're working from
7:42
6:00 PM till 6:00 AM, of course you're not going to be
7:46
connecting with a lot of your friends because depending on the
7:48
career you choose, it changes the way that you sync with your
7:52
life and the time that you have to give to connections and that
7:56
often times can naturally remove certain people from your world
8:00
and maintaining those connections.
8:02
Another big one as well is partners, right?
8:05
So say for example, you have a partner in your life that maybe
8:10
doesn't entirely mesh with your friends or has different
8:13
interests than your friends. Is there a possibility that your
8:16
partner has LED you into a different direction and not
8:20
intentionally, but away from your friend group?
8:24
And also one of the big ones is also kids, right?
8:28
Like I know when I was obviously I'm 32 as I record this.
8:32
And I remember when I was younger and I was like around
8:35
25, I had some of my friends who started having kids.
8:38
And so for me again, building a business, I was like, hey, let's
8:42
go for drinks tonight at 7:00 wasn't really a thing anymore
8:46
because they were doing bath time and putting kids to bed
8:49
sometimes around 8:00. So the syncing of your life with
8:54
your friends can sometimes be part of the reason that you're
8:58
struggling to maintain or cultivate certain relationships.
9:02
Because depending on the phase or the section of your life that
9:05
you're currently in, it may not link with the other individual
9:09
and the life cycle or the syncing that they have with
9:11
their schedule. So it can be more difficult as
9:15
an adult because we have those complexities.
9:16
We have the complexities of career, we have the complexities
9:20
of friends and of our partners to dial in now, of kids to dial
9:24
in now. And you think about how much,
9:28
you know, it took kind of thing to have a friendship before all
9:31
of those things. And now all that space that was
9:35
for your friends becomes for other things within your life.
9:38
And even as an as an adult too, another massive factor that's
9:42
challenging is actual geographical location, right?
9:46
So if you are someone, let's just say who's gotten older as
9:51
an adult and you're starting to think about maybe traveling
9:54
more, but you have friends that are more homebodies who are not
9:57
deciding to travel, that naturally could create a
10:00
distance between your relationships.
10:03
It also could be the fact that you, for example, say, meet a
10:06
partner and you decide that by meeting this partner, you want
10:10
to move. You want to even just moving to
10:12
a different city, right? Like you could move an hour away
10:16
from where your friends are. And that could put strain on a
10:18
relationship because it means somebody's got to make the hour
10:21
drive there and back to have a visit with each other.
10:24
Now granted, technology has made this a little bit easier.
10:27
So I, for example, some of my best friends do not live very
10:32
close to me. I have friends that are plane
10:34
rides away from me who are some of my best friends.
10:37
And so not all friends have to be in close proximity in order
10:41
to be close to you. But it does put a strain because
10:45
what it means is that when you have those additional factors,
10:49
you have to put in additional effort in order to be able to
10:53
not only have those relationships, but also maintain
10:56
those relationships. And I think another thing as
10:59
well is because of this change in our life with partners, kids,
11:04
schedule, career, there sometimes is a change in values,
11:11
right? So I'm thinking about like, I
11:14
have some friends who have kids and as soon as you get a glimpse
11:18
into a mom's world and like you're really in the home of
11:22
like the flow of the day, most people should, you would assume,
11:26
have an appreciation for what that mom is navigating.
11:30
And so one of the things that I think is important is also to
11:33
recognize maybe the issue with friendships is because of the
11:38
expectation. So say I am friends with a mom
11:42
or a new mom. This is her first baby.
11:45
Well, she's not going to meet me every week for dinner.
11:49
She's not going to meet me every single week at the coffee shop
11:52
necessarily. She may only be sleeping 33
11:55
hours a night right now. We don't know.
11:57
She's not going to text back necessarily within an hour of me
12:01
messaging her. If I went in having that
12:04
expectation of her, my expectations of the relationship
12:08
could very well be the thing that's causing the issue.
12:11
So I think there's also this aspect with, you know,
12:14
friendships around. Is there a misunderstanding in
12:19
the aspect of expectations? So maybe one friend wants to go
12:25
out every weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and you're
12:28
like, for me, I don't want to do that.
12:31
I don't have that value even though that person does.
12:34
And I have the value of staying in and they have the value of
12:38
going out. And so that can be a divide.
12:40
If you have the value and the expectation of being non-stop
12:44
communicating with your friends and your friends are not as
12:50
commutative in the sense of the fact they don't text as much,
12:52
they don't they're not on the phone all the time, that can put
12:55
a strain on your relationship. So there's an aspect of changing
12:58
of expectations too. Because listen, I was in grade 8
13:02
on, you know, chatting with people online all the time and
13:06
great, you know, grade 10 chatting on my phone all the
13:08
time, constantly texting. Do I do that now?
13:12
No, like you're lucky to get an answer from me within two weeks
13:16
because my phone is always slammed with text messages.
13:19
But the people that I decide to surround myself with, now, we've
13:22
had conversations about that to say, hey, it's not personal.
13:26
I literally am just not on my phone all the time.
13:28
And so now we have it as an expectation of our relationship
13:32
and of our dynamic together. But as we get older, I think
13:36
part of the issue is that some of those are unspoken.
13:38
They're not conversations that we actually have, which is to
13:42
say, hey, like, you know, the basis of our friendship, let's
13:44
just say, was going out together.
13:47
And so I don't want to go out together anymore and or I don't
13:50
want to go out at all anymore. Maybe they're not someone who's
13:52
into partying as much. So you were young, you were
13:55
partying, you're going out all the time.
13:56
That's not the, you know, next season of my life for what I
13:59
want. And so sometimes if we don't
14:01
talk about it, it means that it kind of just ends up pulling us
14:05
apart, right. And the other thing that I think
14:08
is also a huge strain on creating friendships, as, you
14:12
know, an adult is also the like emotional baggage basically that
14:17
we have and really looking at the connection on an emotional
14:22
level. Because I think that also when
14:26
we were younger, it seems like relationships and friendships
14:28
didn't need a lot to maintain themselves, right?
14:31
Like we weren't so busy that it required a lot of effort.
14:36
It was kind of just like the main focus of our day when we
14:38
were kids was friends. And so now, because so many
14:41
other things are the main focus of our day, I think the lack of
14:44
emotional connection or awareness of people is
14:48
ultimately creating a strain on relationships at times.
14:51
So, you know, I'm thinking things like not having effective
14:54
communication, like not setting fair expectations with each
14:57
other, not being entirely transparent and honest on what
15:00
you have to give. I think another big issue,
15:03
there's also the social aspect here, which is seeing what the
15:07
friendships are like with someone else and then imposing
15:11
that on your friendship. So say you see someone else
15:15
friendship wise, going out all the time, going on trips
15:18
together and you're like, well, we don't do that, right?
15:20
Like that's not what our friendship looks like.
15:22
The aspect of comparison, I think is a massive reason that
15:26
friendships can have problems because we compare what we see
15:31
someone else's friendship dynamic be to what ours is.
15:34
And I kind of equate to the same thing as seeing someone else's
15:36
relationship on social media versus yours.
15:39
Each friendship and relationship are really unique and different.
15:43
And so because of that, I think we'd be very careful about how
15:48
we look at what is a quote UN quote friendship or even
15:50
relationship supposed to look like.
15:52
And one of the most common ones that I hear in this emotional
15:56
connection bucket is the aspect of people not really reaching
16:00
out to make plans. Like you might find that you're
16:03
always that friend who has to reach out.
16:05
Like the, that person will not message you for like 6 to 8
16:08
weeks unless you message them first.
16:11
And so that also can be something that creates a strain
16:14
because then you kind of feel like the relationship is 1
16:16
sided, right? So All in all, I think it it,
16:20
you know, when we start to unpack it, there's a lot of
16:23
things that change as we become adults, which then therefore
16:26
change the way our friendships and relationships work.
16:29
Our priorities change. You know, the time we have to
16:32
give changes, our location can change, our communication
16:35
changes, what we want friendships to look like can
16:38
change and our values change, which sometimes changes our
16:41
expectations of ourselves, but also of other people as well.
16:45
So with this, all these changes, sometimes we have what is called
16:51
the, you know, friend drift, which is really the fact that
16:56
you literally are starting to drift away from someone that you
17:00
used to be potentially very close with or that you've been
17:03
very close friends with for a while.
17:05
And things are just not what they used to be.
17:07
And to be honest, I've had this, I have had people that were very
17:15
close friends of mine. And over time with a lot of
17:18
changes, I started to pick up on awarenesses that really made me
17:23
realize that we were experiencing friendship drift,
17:26
as in this was not necessarily going to be a friendship that I
17:30
saw lasting a long time because of these different things that
17:33
came up. So I want to kind of breakdown
17:36
some awarenesses you might want to consider that could have you
17:41
evaluating the relationships in your life and the friendships in
17:44
your circle to say, is this somebody that I'm actually
17:47
experiencing friendship drift with?
17:50
And even just by having that awareness, it opens up the
17:52
invitation for you to decide what do you want to do about it?
17:56
Do you want to, you know, reactivate the friendship?
17:59
Or is this something that you're like, I kind of wasn't really
18:02
acknowledging it and I was trying to push it away.
18:05
But now in seeing this, I'm realizing maybe this is not a
18:08
friendship I want to continue. So one of the signs you're going
18:11
to see is a lot less frequent communication.
18:13
So you're going to start noticing that your texts, your
18:15
calls, your get togethers even, are not really happening nearly
18:20
as frequently as they once did. And often there's one or two
18:23
situations that will happen. Either one person is not really
18:26
reaching out or initiating or potentially both of you were
18:30
almost at this like weird standoff where neither of you
18:33
are really activating or initiating the other person to
18:38
spend time in a relationship, to get together, to see each other.
18:42
And it ultimately is causing which is #2A1 sided effort.
18:48
It's causing the one person to always be the one reaching out,
18:52
the one person to be making plans, the one person to be
18:55
following up. And you know, the one sided
18:58
effort is because the one person is doing everything, whereas the
19:02
other person is like distant and unresponsive and not really
19:08
caring. Like one person's pouring into
19:11
the relationship and the other person is just not engaging.
19:15
And the thing I want to say with this is this is not a seasoned
19:18
thing. This is like all the time.
19:20
Because listen, I have had times where like my friends, like I
19:24
have a friend right now that I can think of who's going through
19:27
some health difficulties that are very significant with her
19:31
family. And I think I've messaged her
19:33
like, I don't know about three times maybe, and none of them
19:35
have gotten a response. And that's because I am very
19:39
acknowledging of the fact of what she's going through.
19:41
I don't need a response from her.
19:42
I'm not expecting a response from her.
19:44
The reason I'm messaging her is not to get a response.
19:47
It's so that she knows when she has that message, that she knows
19:51
that I'm thinking about her and that she knows that I'm here for
19:53
whenever she's ready because she's navigating a lot right
19:56
now. That's not what I'm talking
19:58
about. I'm talking about both of you
20:00
are on equal playing field. You both have are living your
20:04
lives, you're both working your jobs, you're both living life.
20:07
And there's no external circumstances that are putting
20:10
strain on the relationship indirectly that you're both just
20:14
living life and one person is just not putting in the effort.
20:19
And so if you find that maybe you're the person who's not
20:23
responsive, maybe you're seeing this on the other side, maybe
20:25
you're having a friend who's reaching out to connect with you
20:27
and you're really not wanting to connect and you're feeling like
20:30
you're not really necessarily excited to see them.
20:32
You're not necessarily excited to respond.
20:35
Or maybe you're the person who's sending the messages and you're
20:37
starting to feel like hello, like, am I in this alone?
20:41
Like where are you in the sense of the fact the person is just
20:44
non responsive to you? And another sign that is pretty
20:49
obvious when you do get together is the fact that your
20:52
conversations feel super resistant and your actual
20:57
connection feels disconnected. So you might find that before,
21:02
when you guys got together, your converse like you didn't even
21:04
notice the time. Like the time would just fly by.
21:07
You'd be laughing and joking and just kind of having
21:10
conversations between you and everything was, you know,
21:13
flowing and going. And then as you start to have
21:18
more time pass, maybe you have longer breaks in between, in
21:21
between seeing each other. And now when you get together,
21:24
you find when your conversations are happening, you're not really
21:27
activated by them. And they kind of feel hard, like
21:30
it kind of feels like you're having a conversation with
21:32
someone you met for the first time because you're not really
21:36
feeling the flow and the synergy between the way you guys used to
21:39
connect. You might have less inside jokes
21:42
and you don't really connect over the same things that you
21:44
once did. And the old things that they
21:47
said don't hold as much value or meaning for you anymore.
21:50
You might just find that even when you do connect, there's a
21:54
disconnection in your time together.
21:57
It feels like it's taking way more effort and it's ultimately
22:01
providing on both sides potentially less than ever
22:04
before. And that's something that is
22:08
something to be aware of. And again, we're going to decide
22:11
as we go through today's episode what you want to do with this.
22:13
But right now, we're just looking to say get an awareness.
22:16
And maybe you're thinking of a friend in your head right now.
22:19
Maybe you are seeing a certain person.
22:21
You're like, last time I met them for dinner, it did feel
22:24
like that. Last time I met them for coffee,
22:26
it did feel like that. So this is an opportunity to, to
22:29
have an awareness and just park that in your, in your head for a
22:32
minute and just let that be there and just have an awareness
22:34
of this. The other thing also is lack of
22:39
interest and lack of support is a very clear sign.
22:43
Like have you ever noticed that you've gone through something, a
22:46
life event, whether it's a good thing, you might be celebrating
22:49
something and you're having a massive win in your life, or you
22:52
might be going through one of your hardest seasons and you've
22:55
never experienced something more difficult.
22:57
But the people that you thought were your friends or there might
23:00
be a person that you thought was your friend kind of couldn't
23:03
seem less interested in the exciting chapter of your life or
23:08
less interested in the difficult season that you're experiencing
23:12
right now. This can often be a sign when
23:16
someone has a lack of support, it's not because necessarily
23:19
they don't have the ability to be empathetic.
23:21
They don't have the ability to celebrate you.
23:24
But this is often because they're actually not as invested
23:27
in your life anymore. They actually genuinely don't
23:31
care as much about what it is that you're doing and what
23:34
you're up to as they once did. And again, maybe vice versa,
23:38
maybe one of your friends shared a win with you or shared an
23:42
update with you recently and you feel like you kind of weren't
23:45
really activated by it. It didn't do much for you in the
23:48
sense of you weren't invested in it or they're going through
23:51
something really difficult, but you didn't feel a deep
23:55
connection and pull to really support them necessarily.
23:59
It just kind of was happening and that was it.
24:02
So lack of support can be a really clear sign that there is
24:06
a disconnection a little bit with a friend that you have
24:08
right now. And also you may find that you
24:12
have different life paths, right?
24:14
Maybe you find that there has been an abrupt change in your
24:17
relationship due to a different path they're taking in life.
24:20
Maybe they moved to a new city, they had a major life change,
24:23
start a new job, had a new relationship that formed.
24:28
And ultimately you're realizing that because your paths in life
24:32
are going a little bit different directions, you might find that
24:35
your lifestyles are kind of changing and going in different
24:39
ways. And as a result, that your
24:41
priorities may not necessarily align.
24:44
Another sign to be aware of is jealousy or even potentially
24:49
resentment, right? Like do you feel kind of back to
24:52
celebrating your wins? Do you feel like there's an
24:56
emotional disconnection, like the person can't really
24:58
celebrate you? And they even maybe when you
25:01
share things, share an aspect of like jealousy, they're not
25:05
necessarily sharing and being like, Oh my God, I'm so excited.
25:08
There's this underlying tone of a little bit of jealousy or
25:11
resistance or resentment. And because of that, you feel
25:15
like, OK, well, there's not really a lot of emotional
25:17
connection here or support. And one of the other things as
25:21
well is increased conflict, which is the fact that you end
25:25
up feeling like you're having small disagreements or maybe
25:29
even small misunderstandings pretty consistently along the
25:32
way. And you're trying to navigate
25:34
where is this coming from? What does this mean?
25:38
And sometimes some of those tiny little arguments or those tiny
25:41
little conversations are escalating to big levels or
25:46
potentially being ignored altogether.
25:48
Like you guys have a little disagreement, you have a little
25:50
disconnection. And from there you want to be
25:54
like, OK, well, we're either just going to not say anything
25:56
about that conversation we had a coffee or not say anything about
25:59
that wine night. And then you pick up another
26:01
phone call and you keep going or you have a conversation and it
26:05
just spirals. It just goes off the deep end
26:10
and you have these big blow UPS from what seemingly seem to kind
26:13
of come from talking about nothing or starting with
26:15
nothing. And So what do we do about this?
26:18
Right? Like if you're listening to this
26:19
and you're thinking, OK, that's making me think of so and so.
26:21
And you have a friend in your mind.
26:23
Or maybe you're that person. Maybe you're the person not
26:27
responding or you're the the one that's not engaging or you're
26:30
the one not really interested in what they're doing in their
26:33
life. You know, on either side.
26:35
First, you want to acknowledge it.
26:37
OK? Like if you feel like your
26:38
friendship is is drifting, you can actually say to your friend
26:42
like, Hey, it feels like we kind of haven't really been talking
26:45
as much lately. Like, are you OK?
26:47
Like, are we good? And you can acknowledge it,
26:50
right? And you can actually hit it head
26:53
on and say something about it. You also can adapt to it.
26:57
So you could have a conversation because you're acknowledging it
27:01
about either one of two things. I don't know that this
27:04
friendship makes sense any longer in the sense of that, you
27:07
know, I've loved our friendship together.
27:09
I feel like we're, our lives are just going in such different
27:12
directions and it's been super difficult to connect and we
27:17
haven't really been for a while. And like literally acknowledging
27:21
it and moving on or saying, hey, we haven't really been
27:24
connecting. I love you to pieces.
27:26
I don't want to lose this friendship, but I feel like
27:29
life's kind of been getting in the way.
27:31
Could we maybe chat about some things that are really important
27:34
to you and important to me that mean that will help us to
27:39
navigate next steps as our life is kind of in flux right now,
27:43
right? And there's also the other
27:46
possibility of letting time show you like there were friendships
27:52
that kind of faded for me when I was younger.
27:57
They faded over time. And it wasn't like this big
27:59
conversation of like, we're not friends anymore.
28:01
It was just we hadn't called each other for a week.
28:05
And then it became 2 weeks and then it became a month and then
28:08
it became two months. And then that was it.
28:12
And we kind of just hadn't spoke.
28:15
And there wasn't this big formal ending.
28:17
It was more just the distance got greater and greater and
28:21
greater. And so I think the thing that's
28:23
important is to also not make friendship drift wrong.
28:28
Because the reality is I think making friends is also something
28:33
we know as we grow, our friendships change, right?
28:36
So you have seasons of friendships, like when you were
28:38
in elementary school, then you go to high school.
28:41
Some of those might maintain in high school for you, some of
28:43
them might not. Then from high school you go
28:45
into say college or university. Some of those may maintain for
28:49
you, some may not. You may yourself have friends
28:52
you've been friends with since you were in grade 6.
28:56
I know people that have their entire friends circle all from
28:59
when they were a kid. And I have other people who have
29:02
no friends from when they were a kid and everyone is from the
29:05
last couple years of their life. There's nothing wrong with
29:08
either of those. It's literally just having an
29:10
awareness and saying, is this friendship that is drifting
29:15
causing me any, you know, resistance in yourself?
29:19
Is it causing issues between you and is it basically having an
29:22
emotional toll on you? Or is it really something that's
29:26
kind of been in flux and acknowledging it in itself would
29:29
feel like taking a weight off your shoulders, right?
29:32
Obviously, as talking about this, we know that friendships
29:34
can drift away, which ultimately means that we always need to be
29:38
open to making new friends and realizing the friends that once
29:42
were part of our life may not always be part of our life.
29:44
And that's totally OK. But then comes the question of
29:48
like, well, how do we make new friends?
29:49
Because it seems like it's impossible to make new friends.
29:54
And first of all, I want to say if you think it's impossible to
29:59
make a new friend, you're going to have difficulties making new
30:02
friends. I have made so many new friends
30:05
in the last five years that five years earlier were never part of
30:09
my life. So I will tell you making new
30:13
friends is absolutely possible. But I'm going to give you a
30:15
couple buckets of ways that if you or someone wanting to create
30:20
more, maybe have more friends, create deeper connections with
30:24
your friends or just in general connect with more human beings
30:30
that are outside of your current ecosystem.
30:32
I want to give you some things to consider.
30:34
First is going to be think about what your interests are.
30:37
So what are you, what are you interested in?
30:39
Are you interested in working out?
30:41
Are you interested in cooking? Maybe you're interested in, you
30:44
know, books and you want to, you know, get into a book club.
30:48
You want to go to a Pilates class.
30:50
I also take the same, like when my friends would ask for dating
30:54
advice, they, I, they would say, you know, well, I don't know,
30:57
I'm not really into the apps and things like that.
30:59
And I'm like, listen, at the end of the day, you will meet people
31:02
that most align with you when you're in the spaces that are
31:06
places of shared interest. So like, what's the basis of any
31:10
friendship or relationship? We ideally want to be friends
31:13
with people who have similar values to us.
31:15
So wouldn't it make sense to put yourself in an environment of
31:19
someone who has similar values to you, Right.
31:21
So say you're someone who doesn't drink, probably not
31:25
necessarily going to make sense for you to meet your new best
31:29
friend at a bar every Friday night, right?
31:32
If you are someone who loves books, what would it look like
31:36
if you joined a book club? If you're someone who loves
31:39
working out, it would make sense for you to potentially meet
31:43
someone at a fitness class, meet someone at the gym, right?
31:45
Go do a, a workout environment that's a little bit more social
31:49
that allows you to connect with somebody.
31:52
And I, for me, my shared interest is business, right?
31:57
Like I have met some of my best friends that I, I'm in their
32:00
wedding party this year and we met through business on the
32:03
Internet, on Instagram. And that's because our shared
32:06
interest was building a business and both of us being
32:09
entrepreneurs. And I would say, you know, 80%
32:12
of my friend group at this point came from me being an
32:15
entrepreneur and being at events with people who had shared
32:18
interest in, you know, personal development and being, you know,
32:22
in spaces with people who were looking to work on themselves
32:25
honestly. Another one is also for me, ice
32:28
bath and sauna. I go to an ice bath and sauna
32:30
place in Toronto, and that space is other people who also like
32:36
ice baths and sauna. And so because of that, you get
32:38
to connect with people who have shared interests.
32:41
So putting yourself in environments of people who like
32:45
and enjoy the things that you like and enjoy is one of the
32:48
fastest ways to meet people that you will really vibe and connect
32:52
with. So I think the same thing for
32:54
both relationships, but also for friendships.
32:57
The fastest way to find people like you is to go to the places
33:02
and connect with people in the spaces that you already have
33:04
values. So the other thing is you can
33:08
also go to, for example, what is considered friend dating.
33:12
OK, it's like a friend dating is almost going to places that you
33:21
go to right now. But being social in the belief,
33:24
almost like you're looking to meet someone like a partner,
33:27
same thing. But going to places and going to
33:30
meet people just to meet someone as your friend.
33:33
And I know it's gonna sound really weird.
33:35
I didn't do this until like a couple years ago.
33:38
Before that, I never went anywhere alone.
33:40
Like I was not the kind to go socialize by myself.
33:43
I always went out with friends and that was it.
33:45
But going to something like a coffee shop and go strike up
33:49
conversation with the person beside you, right?
33:52
If you're going to, let's just say dinner by yourself, go and
33:57
sit at the bar, have dinner and connect with the people around
34:01
you. Because what usually happens
34:04
when you're out, most people go to a coffee shop, they put their
34:07
headphones on and they don't speak to a soul.
34:09
And they'll read their book or they'll work, or they'll
34:11
basically be in their own little world.
34:13
Or maybe you are somebody that finds when you literally go
34:17
anywhere, you're not speaking to the barista, you're not speaking
34:21
to the people in the coffee shop.
34:22
You're just head down, get your coffee and go.
34:25
The thing I would say is look up, look up and connect with
34:29
people in your environment. And now, you know, it's funny.
34:33
I, there's a local coffee shop that I go to and I, you know,
34:38
previously was the look down person.
34:41
I'm going to be really honest with you.
34:42
I was not the kind to like just jibber jabber with, with
34:45
everybody around me. And I remember when I went to
34:50
this coffee shop, I went with someone to this coffee shop who
34:54
was like a very social person. And they were like talking to
34:57
the barista and having all these conversations.
34:59
And I realized how quickly they connected.
35:03
I realized they had like a 30 minute conversation while we
35:07
were at this coffee shop just because the person I was with
35:10
said, Hey, how's your day going? How long you guys been open
35:12
here, blah, blah, blah. And started going into it and I
35:15
realized me not making connections is not about the
35:19
fact they're not there. It's about the fact that I'm not
35:21
even open to them. I'm like heads down, leave me
35:25
alone, headphones on, on my phone.
35:28
And so I started to take this practice now of not being
35:31
distracted going into spaces, not being on my phone, going
35:35
into spaces and looking up and looking eye to eye with people
35:39
as much as possible to invite opportunities to connect.
35:43
Going to a Starbucks and, you know, making a comment to the
35:46
person a table away from me being like, it's so beautiful
35:49
out today, isn't it? Right.
35:50
Like open up conversation. I remember what going to
35:53
breakfast by myself. This is like a probably, I want
35:56
to say two years ago and I was reading a book, having breakfast
36:00
and the guy a table behind me was also reading a book, having
36:04
breakfast. And then he was like, what book
36:06
are you reading? Seems like we have, you know,
36:07
great minds think alike over here and started having a
36:09
conversation. And listen, am I saying that all
36:12
these people are going to meet at the coffee shop or the
36:14
barista are going to be your best friend?
36:16
Not necessarily. But what it does is it's
36:19
starting to actually train you to be open to connection.
36:24
All of us say we want connection and we say we want relationships
36:28
and we say we want to connect more with other people.
36:31
But yet when we're around other people, we're heads down on our
36:34
phone or with headphones in our ears, not really being open or
36:38
inviting to someone connecting with us.
36:40
So consider almost like you're dating or you're looking to date
36:44
somebody, go out in your environment and make yourself
36:47
available to other people around you.
36:50
Now, if you want to, you can obviously do things that are
36:54
also which they have these days, which is super cool, which is
36:57
like Bumble BFF, things like that that allow you to connect.
37:00
I was just talking with one of our team members at our team
37:02
dinner recently. She's a mom this past year and
37:06
she was like, I'm a mom who works from home, who's an
37:09
entrepreneur, and I want to connect with other moms and be
37:13
able to have us connect 'cause our kids are the same age and
37:17
just be able to chat and make friends who have similarities to
37:21
you. And so she used one of these
37:24
apps that literally allows you to be able to connect.
37:27
And she was saying, like, you get a lot of messages because
37:30
other people just like her are looking for her to connect with.
37:34
So it's really like there's never been in a way an easier
37:40
time to connect with people as long as you're actually
37:43
interested in genuinely connecting with people and not
37:47
having it look or be a specific way.
37:51
And the thing I will say is for friendship development, go
37:57
deeper than diving into just the surface level conversations.
38:02
And this is something that's come up, you know, even as an
38:05
awareness for me recently, because what I realized was I
38:09
think a lot of my friendships didn't feel fulfilling because
38:14
frankly, they weren't they weren't necessarily there was
38:17
people that I was acquaintances with that I wouldn't necessarily
38:20
always feel like excited to go meet because we wouldn't really
38:23
talk about anything powerful. We weren't talking about, you
38:26
know, deep connected issues or large life events.
38:31
We were just talking about, oh, you know, this happened on
38:33
social media and this person here like it, it wasn't really
38:36
about anything vulnerable. And so I think the other thing
38:41
that has made a big, big difference for me is that I
38:45
don't desire to have surface level conversations.
38:48
Like I have found that if you can't have like a deep connected
38:52
conversation, I don't want to do it because it means that long
38:55
term in your friendship, that's what the basis of the friendship
38:58
is built on. And so instead I really
39:01
challenge myself now to say, how can I be as real and authentic
39:06
and just who I am? Like, I'm not trying to be cool.
39:11
I'm not trying to be liked. I'm not trying to be like, oh,
39:14
I'm too busy to message you. Like I'm just like, hey, I miss
39:17
your face. I'd love to see you.
39:19
Let's have a phone call or hey, I am just in the weeds this week
39:24
and I am just drowning. I would love to FaceTime like
39:27
just being #1 honest about what you desire out of the
39:31
relationship and open, but also when you connect, not feeling
39:35
the need to have a facade because I think so many people
39:39
when they're friends, try to have, especially with new
39:43
friends, try to have this aspect of like a mask.
39:47
And so my belief is really, if you can't handle me in the sense
39:51
of what the reality of my actual life is like, then we weren't,
39:54
we're not going to have much to talk about because this is the
39:57
stuff that I really care about. This is the stuff that's
40:00
actually deeply impacting me. And so because of that, this is
40:04
what I want to therefore talk about.
40:06
So. I really do think that there's
40:09
an aspect too of if you want to have deep connected
40:12
relationship, ask yourself if you want deep connected
40:16
relationships. Are you willing to go deep if
40:18
you want to really have people be vulnerable with you or you
40:22
being vulnerable with them? And I realized very quickly that
40:28
I really didn't have the depth of relationships because I
40:31
wasn't comfortable going that deep sometimes before.
40:34
And so it was only once I worked on myself that I realized I
40:38
wasn't having deep relationships because I wasn't really willing
40:42
to make myself vulnerable and open and connected.
40:45
So obviously, we've talked about the fact that it can be really
40:47
difficult to have adult friendships.
40:50
It could be a challenge. And because of the challenge,
40:52
sometimes you're going to experience that friendship drift
40:55
and you may have friends that leave your life along the way.
40:59
And so we make new friends. But what if you either have made
41:03
a new friend and you really want to maintain this friendship, or
41:06
maybe you have friendships right now in your life that you enjoy
41:10
that have always been there, but you really want to make sure
41:13
that they stand the test of time.
41:15
OK, One thing that's really been shown to help how fulfilled we
41:18
are from our friendships is actually the quality over the
41:22
quantity. And I remember when everyone was
41:24
younger, it was always about how many friends did you have,
41:27
right? Like, oh, I'm friends with this
41:28
person, friends with this person.
41:29
It was always like a volume game.
41:31
But obviously, as we said, when we get older, our life gets way
41:34
more busy, our schedules are changing, our realities are
41:38
different, and so it's actually more important now to have a
41:43
more connected, deep, real mutual support around you than
41:48
just sheer numbers. The idea of just having a bunch
41:50
of acquaintances around you now is not necessarily what your
41:55
life may need. You may need 5 people that are
41:58
your ride or die people. Maybe this is no longer the
42:02
season where you need to have 25 friends.
42:06
I know for me, there's no way that I could maintain 25
42:10
friends, right? I can barely maintain 10 friends
42:14
because I've got life and I've got business and I've got family
42:18
and then I have my friends on top of that.
42:20
And the thing I will say is to maintain a friendship is
42:23
realizing that maybe the the reason you're struggling to
42:27
maintain is because you're trying to constantly look for
42:29
more and more and more instead of pouring deeper into the tight
42:32
knit group of friends that you have right underneath your nose.
42:35
So to maintain the friendship is to really value and pour into
42:40
the handful of people around you and realize it's OK to have the
42:44
difference between your BFF and your acquaintance.
42:49
You don't need to have 12 best friends.
42:53
You can have three or two or one best friend and have a lot of
42:58
people that you really value spending time with and that you
43:02
value connection with, but they don't necessarily have to be
43:05
your best friend. They can just be an acquaintance
43:07
that you share time with and that's OK.
43:09
Again, going back to expectations, the expectation
43:12
doesn't need to be that this person's like your partner in
43:15
life. It just needs to be that you
43:17
guys, you know, go for coffee and dinner once in a while and
43:20
you enjoy each other's company. Another thing that really helps
43:23
to maintain friendships is realizing that a friendship
43:27
doesn't have to be everything in every bucket.
43:31
And this was something so insanely helpful for me because
43:35
the person I go to, that's my go to resource, let's just say for
43:38
talking about relationships might not be the same person
43:41
that I go to to talk a lot about business with.
43:44
And that's our connection or our shared interest.
43:46
It might not be the person that I go to connect to for humor and
43:49
light hearted fun. Like I have this one friend who
43:53
was just like, like she farts rainbows.
43:57
Like she's just like a little bundle of joy and just complete
44:01
sunshine and rainbows. And I have another friend who is
44:06
not as much that way. She's a little bit more serious,
44:09
but she is like a badass when it comes to business and very much
44:12
like tough love, powerful, you know, hitch in the gut where it
44:16
hurts and just tell you the real raw truth.
44:18
And that's why I love her. And I don't need these two women
44:23
to be what the other one is. The one is sunshine and
44:25
rainbows. And I do that.
44:27
That's the reason that I love her.
44:29
And the other one is like straight shooter, serious, you
44:33
know, give it to you, real and raw conversation.
44:36
And that's why I like our friendship.
44:38
So you don't need one person or two people to be every single
44:43
thing in your life. It's OK to have friendships that
44:46
serve you in certain buckets, but not in every single part or
44:50
essence of who you are. So also maintaining friendships
44:54
is really about relieving this idea that one person has to be
45:00
everything to us. And instead, could you build
45:04
like your little Avengers team, if you will, of people around
45:08
you who are little parts of what you value and little parts of
45:11
what you care about. And by doing so, you have that
45:15
person you go to that's really like you're kind of straight
45:18
shooter, direct feedback and information.
45:21
And you've got the person who is, you know, the soft spot to
45:24
land and they're very emotionally supportive.
45:27
You've got that person that you can go and have fun with, but
45:29
you don't have very heavy life conversations and you kind of
45:31
like that part of it with them. That's OK.
45:35
Not every person in your life has to be everything to you.
45:39
Another thing is to also remember that friendships are
45:42
only going to be as fruitful as the energy and the effort that
45:47
you put into them. And one of the main ones of that
45:49
being communication. One thing that I have found is
45:54
that, you know, communication is not even necessarily about
45:58
constantly being in communication, but also
46:01
connecting and communicating on expectations.
46:04
Like as I said earlier, I have friends with I'm friends with
46:06
people that we do not talk all the time, but we tell each
46:10
other, hey, like we'll do another dinner in like say three
46:12
months. Like that's part of our kind of
46:15
shared agreement together is that we're not constantly going
46:19
to be texting all day everyday, but that's not the basis of our
46:22
connection and friendship. But if you want to have a
46:26
fruitful relationship, ask yourself, are you planning?
46:29
Are you planning get togethers to see them?
46:31
Are you planning to connect? Are you checking in on them,
46:35
seeing how they're doing even when they're not checking in on
46:37
you? Are you being intentional to
46:40
connect with them and to have good communication with them?
46:43
Are you making an effort to regularly reach out even when
46:47
life gets super busy and chaotic and you feel like you're
46:49
drowning in all the things? One of the things that I do is I
46:53
literally plan ahead. This is going to sound crazy,
46:55
but as a business owner, this helps me a lot.
46:57
I put like dinner with Susanna, dinner with Gabby, dinner with
47:01
Caroline on my calendar. And So what I do is I literally
47:07
will know when the last time was that I went for dinner with
47:10
someone because all of it's on my calendar.
47:12
So if it's someone that I don't see as frequently.
47:16
So like again, as I said, I have a friend, a friend that I see
47:18
probably, I want to say every three months, I often times will
47:22
literally set a recurring booking that says message so and
47:26
so message so and so on my calendar because every three
47:29
months we do dinner. And so I literally like, hey,
47:31
let's do dinner again, it's been 3 months, let's do dinner.
47:33
Like because we just know that that's typically how often we
47:36
see each other. And I asked other people that I
47:39
literally live down the street from and I see all the time.
47:41
So it doesn't work for every relationship, but for me, I put
47:45
in checkpoints in the system and for myself.
47:47
So I make sure that I don't fall into the tilt whirl of life and
47:51
that I really prioritize the relationships that matter to me.
47:55
So also asking can you plan ahead?
47:58
Like I put all my friends birthdays on my calendar and I
48:00
give myself A2 week reminder before their birthday to go get
48:04
a gift or you know, plan to send flowers or book a dinner or
48:08
things like that. I put things in place to help me
48:13
to maintain relationships being important to me because I'll be
48:18
honest, just like as much as the next person.
48:19
I get really busy in life and before I know it, I, I don't, I
48:24
don't know about you, but I look up and I'm like, Oh my God, I
48:27
haven't seen so and so in five months.
48:29
Like you just realize how how much time flies by or maybe if
48:34
it's even, you know, 5 weeks, whatever it might be.
48:37
But can you plan ahead? Can you actually be intentional
48:40
to get a structure in place to give yourselves the reminders
48:44
for the things that you ultimately tell yourself that
48:46
you value? Also, navigating conflicts and
48:50
boundaries because if you want to maintain a relationship, you
48:54
have to know how to handle conflict.
48:56
You have to know how are you guys going to have disagreements
49:02
and is having a disagreement going to blow up your friendship
49:05
or is it going to be like, hey, I just want to talk about this
49:08
and similar to a relationship, I value this.
49:12
I want to continue being friends with you.
49:14
This was just something that you said that bothered me or this
49:16
was something that you did that upset me.
49:18
Some of my closest girlfriends are people that I've gone
49:22
through things with, like I have had disagreements with or I've
49:25
had, you know, history with, if you should say.
49:28
And I think that the reason that we've maintained our friendships
49:32
during that time is because we're willing to have the hard
49:34
conversation and be like, hey, when you said XYZ, that wasn't
49:38
really supportive for me and it kind of made me feel AB and C
49:42
OK, great, let's talk about it. Or vice versa, if someone says,
49:46
hey, you know, when you did such and such, I know that you were
49:50
coming from a good place and you want to be supportive.
49:52
But for me, what would have really helped me would have been
49:55
AB and C. So I think when, you know, some
49:59
friendships have conflicts, that can be the end of the
50:02
friendship. And I think about it like those
50:04
people that are really important in your circle that you really
50:07
want to emotionally invest into you, that you care about and
50:10
that you want to see through. You need to ask yourself, are
50:14
you willing to fight for this friendship?
50:17
Is this friendship worth so much to you that you are willing to
50:20
fight for it? And there's probably in my
50:23
circle, I want to say maybe 5 to 8 friendships that I'm actually
50:27
willing to fight for, meaning that, you know, they mean so
50:32
much to me that through any conflict or disagreement or
50:35
whatever it might be, like I know that we will find a way to
50:38
get through it because we're going to hit it head on.
50:41
And you know, I've had those times where like me and one of
50:46
my closest girlfriends, we sat and like we didn't speak for
50:48
like 2 days because we were both in our crap and we were
50:52
vacationing together somewhere. And then we both sat down and
50:54
we're like, I'm sorry. And she's like, I'm sorry.
50:56
And that that was it, right? And we moved on.
50:58
And we respect each other more for it since because we
51:02
recognize that this was, you know, just a blip in our
51:06
communication and friendship together.
51:08
So do you have an actual approach of how you navigate
51:11
conflicts or in, you know, an event of conflict, Does that
51:14
mean that your friendship is kind of done or that you're
51:17
having, you know, second thoughts or you're going to
51:19
remove it And having boundaries, don't let things faster.
51:23
Don't let things brew under the surface, right?
51:26
It's only going to take up emotional capacity for you and
51:29
for them. And ultimately, it's keeping you
51:31
guys and your friendship stuck. So at a minimum, by addressing
51:34
it and kind of to our earlier point, acknowledging it, by
51:37
doing that, you're actually creating space for you to either
51:41
continue to develop and deepen your friendship or to
51:44
potentially realize this is not for you.
51:47
And also most important to understanding and maintaining
51:52
friendships is realizing that, and this is a hard one, not all
51:56
friendships are actually meant to be permanent.
52:00
Some of the friendships in our life are seasonal, like they are
52:04
meant to get us through a certain chapter in our lives.
52:08
They're meant to get us through a certain age in our lives,
52:12
right? So like for me, I had friends
52:14
when I was younger that I would party and go out with.
52:17
I love them to pieces. There's nothing wrong with any
52:20
of them as human beings. We just don't, I don't party
52:24
anymore, first of all. And we kind of all just went in
52:27
different directions, right? Like that was we were really
52:30
great friends for that season. And I think about them often,
52:33
but we're just not in each other's lives anymore because
52:37
that was the season of time. I had a really, really best
52:40
friend in high school and same thing.
52:43
Love her to pieces still. Like, would, you know, say hi
52:46
and give her a big hug tomorrow if I saw her.
52:49
But we're not friends any longer.
52:51
But it was because that was really serving for me in a
52:54
season of my life that just didn't kind of go through to the
52:58
next season. And I think the important thing
53:00
to recognize is that friendships not lasting forever doesn't make
53:06
them wrong as in the friendship wrong.
53:08
And it doesn't make either party involved wrong, right.
53:11
It's the same thing when we think about relationships.
53:14
You may have had a partner that was part of your life for a
53:17
chapter. And in that chapter, it served
53:20
you like I, you know, even for the partners that I've had who
53:25
are not part of my life anymore, I wouldn't take it back because
53:30
those are partners that shaped who I am today.
53:33
Like they are part of the reason that I am the woman that I am
53:36
today. So I wouldn't take those back.
53:39
But it's just, it was something that served me for a season and
53:43
the season changed and that's all.
53:45
And none of that necessarily has to be wrong for you to be able
53:50
to move on. And so I wanted to talk about
53:53
friendships today because friendships can feel really
53:56
difficult, especially with social media and things changing
53:59
in the world. Things are changing and just
54:02
connecting can feel really difficult.
54:04
We're seeing this even in the relationship space of like
54:06
people really finding it difficult to date and to connect
54:10
and to meet people and all of it.
54:12
And I think the thing that we want to remember is that there
54:16
is, yes, technology and there's all these other pieces that have
54:20
now come into play. But the basis of connection is
54:23
still there, if you should choose to see it, right?
54:26
There's people who still very much value friendship and
54:29
connection. There's people that are out
54:31
there wanting to connect with you and be friends with you.
54:34
And there's also today a little bit of like a, you know, gentle
54:40
self nudge of accountability, which is also if you really want
54:45
to have great friendships. Are you being a good friend?
54:49
And I'll be honest with you, I've had seasons where I haven't
54:51
been a good friend as and I haven't been as attentive or I
54:54
haven't been as, you know, following up as much and I
54:56
haven't been calling as much. But once I realized that, I
55:01
realized I can shift immediately.
55:03
I could hear an episode like today and say, I'm going to be a
55:06
better friend. I'm going to go reach out to
55:08
someone. Maybe listening to this, there's
55:10
someone that you haven't reached out to in a while or that you
55:13
haven't had dinner with recently or that you haven't connected
55:15
with and talked to. And maybe this is your
55:18
invitation to say, hey, I miss you.
55:20
I would love to see you. Any chance you're free for
55:22
dinner? Like just taking the step to
55:26
reach out. And I had someone say something
55:28
to me that I thought was interesting.
55:30
And she said, you know, but I'm always the one to reach out and
55:33
I'm always the one to do it. And I said to her, is the
55:35
friendship worth fighting for? Because if the friendship's not
55:40
worth fighting for, then sure, if you want to have the
55:43
friendship drift, by all means. But recognizing that friendship
55:48
as just as much as relationship is not this keeping score
55:52
situation. They message me, so I message
55:54
them, right. In certain seasons, it's not
55:57
about keeping score, it's about realizing that you both have a
56:00
shared common goal and interest, which is to be part of each
56:04
other's lives. And so in order to do that,
56:06
you're going to have to maintain the effort that is involved to
56:10
facilitate that. Sometimes you're, it's going to
56:12
be 7030, sometimes going to be 6040, sometimes it's 8020,
56:17
right? Like sometimes it's 5050, but
56:20
those are all going to be fluid. The question comes down to, is
56:24
the friendship work worth fighting for?
56:26
And if you are having resistances about friendships in
56:29
your life, have you actually spoken to your friends about
56:32
them directly to them to voice your concerns and also maybe
56:37
voice your desires of what you want for your friendships,
56:41
Right. So today is an opportunity for
56:43
you to evaluate your circle, to deepen, deepen your connection
56:48
with your circle, to be a better friend, to cultivate new
56:52
friendships, to meet new people. And I would love to connect with
56:56
you and, and to deepen our friendship and to deepen our
56:59
connection. So if you are someone who feels
57:01
like you had a download from today, maybe there was a line
57:04
that was said, a tip that was given or an awareness maybe that
57:08
you had of you in a dynamic. And maybe you're one of the
57:12
friends that we mentioned. Or maybe you realize I want to
57:14
meet new people. Whatever it may be, I would love
57:17
to connect with you. I want you to know my DMS are
57:19
always open. I absolutely, I can't tell you
57:22
enough how much it means to me when I get you guys sliding into
57:26
my DM saying I loved this part of the episode or this really
57:29
hit home for me and you and I get to chat and just talk a
57:33
little bit about what areas you're developing in your life.
57:36
One thing I know if you are listening to ambitious is that
57:39
you are a very driven and ambitious woman who is going for
57:42
big things in her business and her life, friendships like
57:46
today, relationships, health and every bucket.
57:49
And it is my mission and my goal to make sure that I'm here to
57:53
hear all of you and the amazing journeys that you're all taking
57:57
and also to connect with you individually and one-on-one with
58:00
you to be able to see how I can support you.
58:02
And also another thing I want to invite because someone did ask
58:05
me who is a listener of Ambitious and said, you know,
58:09
can we recommend topics? And absolutely you can.
58:13
So if you are wanting either to have me maybe have a guest
58:16
expert on to talk about a certain topic or maybe you have
58:20
something that just kind of selfishly you'd love to hear me
58:23
talk about on ambitious. This is your invitation and I'm
58:26
giving you full permission to be like Kate.
58:29
I want to slide in your DMS because you asked me to.
58:31
And I want to tell you I'd love to have you record an episode on
58:34
Blank. And so if there's something
58:36
that's on your heart or on your mind that you'd love to hear me
58:38
speak on or have a guest on about, this show is for you.
58:43
And that is because you are the reason it's all possible.
58:46
You're the reason that these shows get shared with people.
58:49
You're the reason that we're able to have great insights as
58:53
to what would be supportive for you.
58:54
It all starts and ends with you. So thank you so much for
58:57
listening. As I said, please feel free to
58:59
reach out if you're interested and I will see you on next
59:03
week's episode. And, as always, stay ambitious.