Latest / Very Fine Friends / Breakfast at Tiffany and Rachel's

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Breakfast at Tiffany and Rachel's · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  the cops came to our house what yeah they finally caught up with you no yeah so the i i see like the
• 0:30
  what the hell is this?
• 0:32
  Like I'm working.
• 0:32
  I'm like,
• 0:33
  no,
• 0:33
  my dad's going to the door and I didn't have time to be like,
• 0:37
  Hey,
• 0:37
  it's like a cop.
• 0:39
  And he opens the door and he goes outside.
• 0:41
  Here's this whole situation.
• 0:44
  Allegedly.
• 0:46
  My father has been dumping cardboard boxes in a construction site,
• 0:51
  garbage bin.
• 0:53
  And allegedly they've had enough of it.
• 0:56
  and allegedly the boxes had my information on them because he never took any information off
• 1:04
  so the cops came to be like they told us they provided this they brought a box
• 1:13
  and immediately my dad's like yeah
• 1:17
  yep did it and they're like okay well we're just gonna ask you not to do it again whatever
• 1:27
  they're but they're out there for a long time yeah and he's like giving him his life story i'm
• 1:31
  getting more pissed by the moment because i'm like why would you talk to them about anything
• 1:37
  yeah you didn't even have to answer the door yeah and all they had was a box with my name on it
• 1:44
  anybody could have put it there yeah so i'm getting i'm like working just like i'm like and
• 1:51
  he's outside the longer it's a time we're like i'm so mad at him and he's out there just giving
• 1:56
  the farm away and he comes back and he's like oh they were really nice i'm like of course they were
• 2:02
  nice they wanted you to admit that you did something and you you did and he's like oh
• 2:09
  that's fine they just they said we're just nothing's gonna come of it i'm like
• 2:12
  you're getting a fine in the mail i would bet money on it oh you think so oh yeah oh yeah they
• 2:22
  had nothing except is that a finable offense yeah it's dumping allegedly if it happened dumping in
• 2:30
  a dumpster in a dumpster that you're not paying for because the construction sites they pay based
• 2:35
  on weight and stuff oh so like whatever i mean i can't honestly i can't believe
• 2:41
  that they called the cops about it.
• 2:44
  Okay, that's my first thought,
• 2:46
  is how much cardboard does Dennis have,
• 2:49
  and why is he suddenly unloading all of it?
• 2:51
  Where is all this cardboard coming from?
• 2:53
  He said, keep in mind,
• 2:56
  he's a completely unreliable narrator,
• 2:58
  but he said it was like 10 boxes,
• 3:01
  but here's the thing, allegedly, if it happened,
• 3:03
  he probably, they were probably in cube format.
• 3:07
  He probably didn't even break them down.
• 3:08
  Oh, he probably didn't break them down.
• 3:09
  Allegedly, I bet.
• 3:10
  allegedly yeah and so he's like no they're really nice and he's out there telling oh and i listened
• 3:16
  to the the audio yeah he's out there name dropping all the cops he knows like immediately
• 3:22
  this is so embarrassing
• 3:27
  and then he comes in so i like give it to him and he's like what hey i was just doing you a favor
• 3:35
  because your name was on the box.
• 3:36
  I was just looking out for you.
• 3:38
  I'm like,
• 3:38
  I have nothing to do with this.
• 3:43
  Right?
• 3:44
  That's like if you steal
• 3:45
  my biologics.
• 3:48
  I can't think of anything else to say.
• 3:50
  And put them on a crime scene
• 3:52
  and then be like, I did it.
• 3:53
  Yeah, you did it.
• 3:54
  Allegedly.
• 3:57
  You know?
• 3:58
  Oh, man.
• 3:59
  I was so miffed.
• 4:01
  So every time I see him now,
• 4:02
  I've been like,
• 4:03
  I left the house and I was like,
• 4:05
  hey, try not to call the cops.
• 4:07
  Or like, hey, I was on the way home.
• 4:08
  I saw some cops.
• 4:09
  I said, hi.
• 4:10
  He's like getting really annoyed about it.
• 4:14
  That's funny.
• 4:15
  Yeah.
• 4:16
  I would.
• 4:18
  They probably won't.
• 4:20
  They probably won't find him.
• 4:21
  I can see it going either way.
• 4:23
  But on the one hand, they did spend resources.
• 4:28
  Like, and had to come out.
• 4:30
  And there were two of them.
• 4:31
  and it's like
• 4:33
  I will not be surprised if he got a fine in the mail
• 4:36
  yeah but I mean
• 4:37
  you've seen how cops are
• 4:39
  they get bored
• 4:41
  they need stuff to do
• 4:43
  like you know how it is
• 4:46
  down by the theater
• 4:47
  down by the river yes
• 4:48
  there's just
• 4:51
  if one person calls the cops
• 4:54
  every single cop
• 4:56
  shows up to that event
• 4:57
  I don't know why they all like
• 4:59
  I think they're all just bored
• 5:01
  and they're like, yeah, sweet, something to do.
• 5:03
  You think they answer the call, they're like, dumping?
• 5:05
  Dumping?
• 5:06
  I think maybe they all just have really bad separation anxiety.
• 5:10
  Yeah, they're really codependent, the whole police force.
• 5:14
  And then he tells me, the first story was, oh, they had video.
• 5:19
  And I'm like, they had video?
• 5:21
  Did he see it or did they tell him?
• 5:24
  That's what I said.
• 5:24
  I'm like, they showed you video.
• 5:25
  He goes, no.
• 5:26
  I'm like, well, they're allowed to lie to you, you know.
• 5:29
  They didn't have video.
• 5:30
  dad dad they did not have video he's like well i remember when i allegedly if i was there
• 5:37
  that there might have been you know yeah and he's like but i was allegedly it was too late
• 5:44
  because it was already done allegedly and i was like okay i used to work in a very expensive
• 5:51
  facility with a ton of cameras do you know how often those things are not on or they don't work
• 5:56
  or the minute you need them something's wrong with them or they're there just as a decoy yeah
• 6:01
  or you or they don't record they just kind of are a live feed or then he yeah so then he said
• 6:08
  first he said he made it seem like they said there was a video come to find out the second
• 6:12
  story was they didn't bring up a video at all i'm like wait so wait the first story is they
• 6:21
  said they had video second story they didn't mention video at all no i think he just started
• 6:25
  panicking because I was so pissed off.
• 6:28
  And like... So he was trying to give you
• 6:29
  a reason why he confessed.
• 6:31
  Yes. Wow. The plot
• 6:33
  thickens. Yeah.
• 6:35
  He didn't allegedly lie.
• 6:38
  He did lie. He lied to me.
• 6:40
  Wow.
• 6:41
  Why couldn't he have done that to the cops?
• 6:44
  So you do know how to lie.
• 6:46
  Oh, that's never
• 6:47
  been a question. Yeah.
• 6:49
  Yeah.
• 6:51
  Yeah. I was thinking about getting him a little
• 6:53
  index card made, or a little business card.
• 6:55
  that says like, I lack the mental competence to answer questions about my behavior.
• 7:00
  And if anyone ever asked him questions, he could just be like, hold on,
• 7:02
  like hand on this with like my phone number on it.
• 7:08
  That's so mean.
• 7:12
  It's funny.
• 7:14
  I like the idea of him after that trying to convince you not to go to class tonight.
• 7:19
  So then he would have not been honest to you and not made sure you went to school.
• 7:24
  Nice cut.
• 7:25
  Yeah.
• 7:28
  Everything's lies.
• 7:30
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends.
• 7:33
  Allegedly, allegedly it's Very Fine Friends.
• 7:38
  Can't confirm or deny that.
• 7:40
  Quick interruption.
• 7:42
  Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 7:51
  Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 8:00
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 8:04
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 8:09
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
• 8:15
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 8:18
  Jenna's secret word is stampede
• 8:21
  Jenna's decoy word is shirtless
• 8:24
  Francis' secret word is torturous
• 8:27
  Francis' decoy word is indictments
• 8:31
  Back to the pod
• 8:33
  Well keep us updated I want to know if he gets a fine Yeah one more thing They didn even know what was going on They came and they like we looking for ask for me Well yeah because it your name
• 8:46
  Yeah. That tells me they didn't have shit.
• 8:48
  Yeah.
• 8:50
  Also, don't put my, leave my name on things.
• 8:53
  Yeah, that's, well, okay.
• 8:56
  If he had the wherewithal to say, oh, after I allegedly did this dumping,
• 9:01
  I looked up and saw a camera, but it was too late.
• 9:03
  Then he realizes he was doing something wrong.
• 9:05
  Like I think there are people that think
• 9:07
  Just like throwing garbage into a big dumpster
• 9:10
  Is not a big deal
• 9:11
  Like it's like oh I have garbage here's a dumpster
• 9:13
  Yeah
• 9:13
  And true ignorance of that
• 9:15
  But then they also wouldn't be like uh oh there's a camera
• 9:17
  Right
• 9:18
  I think all that was for me
• 9:19
  Yeah
• 9:20
  I think he was just flailing
• 9:21
  It was part of his web of lies
• 9:22
  Cause I would not like back off the gas
• 9:25
  I was just like
• 9:26
  You idiot
• 9:28
  Can't believe you did this
• 9:30
  But also why not just throw it away
• 9:34
  And you're recycling
• 9:35
  We have a recycling bin.
• 9:36
  And he goes, it takes too long to break them down.
• 9:39
  I'm like, what else are you doing?
• 9:42
  Yeah, it's not like he's got a jam-packed day.
• 9:44
  I like breaking down boxes.
• 9:46
  There, I said it.
• 9:48
  So is it really faster to go to this dumpster?
• 9:52
  Great counterpoint, Joe.
• 9:53
  No, I don't think it is.
• 9:55
  Again, how much cardboard does he possibly have
• 9:58
  to necessitate going to an outside dumpster?
• 10:01
  We have box cutters.
• 10:03
  we have the tools for the job yeah wow yeah sounds like he wanted to get caught
• 10:10
  maybe he wanted this maybe he wanted to talk about all the family members we have that are
• 10:14
  in the police force needed someone to talk about it with he's just lonely so he lures the police
• 10:20
  to the house finally the tables are reversed
• 10:23
  oh oh that's um annoying and i hope that nothing comes of it yeah because guess who's paying the
• 10:32
  fine yeah not you they have his name at least right yeah okay good so we'll have to put him
• 10:38
  on the chain gang oh yeah drive see him on the side of the highway yeah do they still do that
• 10:46
  uh i haven't seen in a while i don't know if i have ever seen it actually i've seen it in movies
• 10:51
  and tv shows and stuff i don't know if i've ever seen it for like serious indictments like they
• 10:57
  take the serious people and make a pickup.
• 10:59
  I think the serious people stay in.
• 11:02
  I think it's just like
• 11:03
  the very light, like
• 11:05
  the ones that they're not scared, they're going to run away.
• 11:09
  Maybe it's like community service.
• 11:11
  Or would it be funny though if it was the opposite?
• 11:13
  Like you're the most dangerous people in town.
• 11:16
  Come on out.
• 11:17
  Yeah. Come on. Field trip.
• 11:19
  You know, I left my gun at the prison, so
• 11:21
  no shenanigans. Yeah, you guys.
• 11:24
  Promise.
• 11:25
  It's not a thing anymore, unfortunately
• 11:27
  The Google AI overview says
• 11:31
  But modified versions and unchained inmate labor crews
• 11:35
  Still exist in parts of the United States
• 11:37
  Unchained?
• 11:38
  Oh
• 11:39
  My labor
• 11:42
  My inmate
• 11:45
  Well
• 11:48
  They're going to have to invent new ways to punish prisoners
• 11:52
  which leads us to the invention of the week
• 11:56
  inventions
• 11:59
  hi hi what do you got oh i have an invention hit me with your best shot
• 12:08
  fire away okay this is a two-parter my first part of the invention
• 12:19
  you know how some people are mothers i do know that do you know how some people breastfeed i do
• 12:28
  know that i'm glad that you're delving into this space it's about time yeah i was recently talking
• 12:34
  to a friend they were telling me that their nipples got all chewed up yeah i've heard the
• 12:38
  The human baby? Yeah.
• 12:40
  The human baby?
• 12:42
  Yeah.
• 12:45
  And, um...
• 12:47
  Anyway, so I was like,
• 12:49
  hmm, what can I do about this?
• 12:51
  And immediately I had a solution.
• 12:53
  Here it comes. Okay.
• 12:55
  My solution is
• 12:56
  a
• 12:58
  silicone
• 13:00
  over nipple.
• 13:02
  It's a nipple for the nipple.
• 13:05
  And what it is, is
• 13:06
  the back, you, like,
• 13:08
  you open it up and it has like gentle, like skin adhesive.
• 13:11
  It's like, it doesn't stick to you, but it will stick to your boobie.
• 13:15
  And you, so you open it and you plop it over your nipple and then you stick it on your
• 13:21
  skin and then the baby does its business as normal, but it never comes into contact with
• 13:27
  your actual nipple.
• 13:30
  Okay.
• 13:34
  Granted, I don't have kids.
• 13:35
  I've never breastfed.
• 13:36
  I've seen it
• 13:38
  done a lot because I have a lot of siblings
• 13:41
  and nieces and nephews etc
• 13:42
  you watch
• 13:45
  oh I get in I get in deep
• 13:47
  uh no
• 13:49
  well I mean you just
• 13:50
  it's okay I think that
• 13:53
  there's something about like it doesn't
• 13:55
  it's not just like the milk's dripping
• 13:57
  out and then the nipple is the way that
• 13:59
  it's like there's something about
• 14:00
  it needs to be pulled out
• 14:03
  by the baby by the baby's mouth
• 14:05
  Yeah, the baby slurps it out.
• 14:07
  But I think that contact with the actual nipple is kind of key to that process.
• 14:12
  I don't think it can...
• 14:13
  Oh, no, no.
• 14:14
  So this invention, it's a very thin silicone.
• 14:18
  So the suckling action that the baby does, it still touches.
• 14:25
  The boob doesn't know there's something else on it.
• 14:28
  It's like a helmet on the boob.
• 14:31
  Soft helmet.
• 14:31
  it's like a funnel for the breast milk
• 14:35
  in a way
• 14:37
  it's not like you can just like
• 14:39
  squeeze the boob and it comes shooting out
• 14:41
  the baby has to
• 14:42
  it does that on the tip of my device
• 14:45
  which is right on the nipple
• 14:47
  and there's a hole in my device so the milk
• 14:49
  comes through the hole
• 14:50
  I just don't think this will
• 14:57
  and you don't think the baby will suck that thing right off
• 14:59
  the adhesive remember
• 15:00
  it's on your skin
• 15:02
  that means it's really difficult to take off
• 15:07
  no
• 15:07
  it's easy to take off but the baby won't suck it off
• 15:10
  it's a baby
• 15:10
  babies
• 15:11
  they're powerful little suckers
• 15:15
  well trust the science on this
• 15:17
  the technology is good
• 15:18
  okay
• 15:19
  you said this was a two-parter
• 15:22
  yes but
• 15:24
  yes
• 15:25
  the next part is
• 15:28
  a fake baby
• 15:31
  that looks very real
• 15:34
  and is basically
• 15:36
  a flask
• 15:38
  so that you can take your alcohol
• 15:42
  into places and no one will say anything
• 15:44
  because it's a baby
• 15:45
  and there's no metal in it so it can go through the metal detector
• 15:48
  and nobody will say anything
• 15:50
  and then after you've had some alcohol
• 15:56
  from your fake baby, you can feed
• 15:58
  your real baby using the protection
• 16:00
  of the silicone adhesive.
• 16:02
  You said it.
• 16:04
  This was just secondary. You were thinking
• 16:08
  you already had liquid and babies
• 16:10
  on the mind.
• 16:12
  So you were just like, let me,
• 16:14
  this will be a twofer.
• 16:16
  Oh, you don't like it?
• 16:18
  I just...
• 16:21
  How?
• 16:22
  Okay.
• 16:23
  how much of a problem is it where people are getting their flask confiscated because they're
• 16:30
  going through metal detectors isn't a plastic flask just more than having like a like having
• 16:41
  like a whole stroller and a diaper bag and a fake a creepy ass fake baby that looks so real
• 16:49
  yet so dead behind the eyes
• 16:52
  because it's not.
• 16:54
  And then also,
• 16:55
  then where are you drinking from
• 16:57
  this baby?
• 17:05
  I have an answer to that.
• 17:08
  There's almost no part of a baby
• 17:11
  that would be good for you to be drinking.
• 17:13
  The back of the head.
• 17:15
  The back of the head.
• 17:15
  Okay I was going to say it comes with a proprietary bottle And you feed the baby and when you put the bottle in it fills it up with your liquid that in the baby And then you drink
• 17:29
  So it looks like you're drinking the baby's bottle.
• 17:32
  Why not just bring a baby's bottle in?
• 17:35
  That's not allowed.
• 17:36
  You have to bring an empty bottle in so you can be like, look.
• 17:39
  And then if anyone walks by inquisitively, you're just like,
• 17:43
  I do a little for him, a little for me, you know?
• 17:45
  Yeah.
• 17:47
  Just testing to make sure it's not poison.
• 17:48
  No, it comes with a second lid.
• 17:51
  So it doesn't look like a bottle when you switch the lids.
• 17:53
  I've thought of this.
• 17:56
  Yes.
• 17:57
  I like that this is a problem that you're trying to solve.
• 17:59
  You don't drink, really.
• 18:02
  You're not a drinker.
• 18:03
  And even if you were, you don't strike me as the kind of drinker that needs to keep a flask on him.
• 18:12
  Because he needs that alcohol at all times.
• 18:13
  And then also goes into places with metal detectors.
• 18:19
  And that's where they're.
• 18:21
  Yeah.
• 18:22
  You also don't like children.
• 18:24
  So I realized that it's fake in this situation, but you still got to carry all the crap.
• 18:29
  Yeah.
• 18:29
  But there's no risk because if you drop it on accident, it's fine.
• 18:33
  Is that why you don't like kids?
• 18:34
  Because you might accidentally drop them and then you're in trouble.
• 18:38
  That's crossed my mind.
• 18:39
  Yeah.
• 18:40
  Okay.
• 18:43
  Okay.
• 18:43
  Well, these are tangential.
• 18:46
  I can see how you got there from one from the other.
• 18:51
  Well, listen, the first one, I feel like it is my civic duty.
• 18:56
  Because I've had numerous friends tell me how painful it is when they breastfeed.
• 19:03
  Like over time and how like, like, it's bad.
• 19:08
  You know, like she said she was chapped, bleeding.
• 19:12
  You imagine bleeding from your nipple?
• 19:14
  Yeah.
• 19:15
  No, torturous.
• 19:15
  Not happening.
• 19:18
  Medieval.
• 19:19
  All right.
• 19:20
  So you're thinking for the nipple thing, you're thinking it's like, you know those kind of like waterproof band-aids where it's just kind of like a...
• 19:32
  I got some recently for like a back of my heel kind of a situation.
• 19:38
  Oh.
• 19:38
  So when I play golf, for whatever reason, one side kind of like sometimes gets chafed or whatever.
• 19:46
  Oh, that's right. You're an athlete.
• 19:47
  Yeah, that's right. An athlete.
• 19:49
  That's not a generous term at all.
• 19:52
  Yeah, that's right.
• 19:53
  Generous.
• 19:54
  I regularly shoot in the 90s. Not a big deal.
• 19:58
  Anyway, I got some like waterproof Band-Aids, but they were kind of just like a thin, clear film.
• 20:07
  is that what you're thinking i'm thinking you know that nipple on a bottle yeah i'm thinking
• 20:13
  a smaller version of that that you basically open like a band-aid so like the the tip is like right
• 20:21
  here and you open it and the sides go around where your nipple is and your nipple goes in the nipple
• 20:26
  that's a smaller version and the baby just i think it i i mean i'm sure you've got the science
• 20:35
  figured out we do yes little mama makes sense to me but i do think there is something you need the
• 20:44
  actual like stimulation of the baby starts the simulation i know but it starts the simulation
• 20:51
  on the actual nipple god i hope nipple's not your word well the two men agree it works
• 20:57
  all right well you guys would know um now let me ask you a question yeah
• 21:04
  if we make them in different colors can these moms go around shirtless you know how i feel
• 21:13
  yes yeah just like perhaps a rocco's modern life one i really does it even need to be said yeah
• 21:21
  yes see little papa and a bunch of shirtless people take and then and then you would actually
• 21:28
  help sell your other idea you could be shirtless pushing a baby stroller with a fake baby in there
• 21:35
  and just be like no security guard i'm shirtless because of my baby by my real baby i'm not trying
• 21:46
  to drink i can tell you that much right now and then you'd be like well i can see what you're
• 21:50
  wearing you're obvious obviously a real baby yeah that's true that's that's deductive reasoning
• 21:56
  right oh she's got the oh she must she must be a real mother yeah i'm not going to be concerned
• 22:04
  at all by that baby that looks dead inside the baby looks good okay and its eyes are closed
• 22:11
  because it's sleeping there's no law that says you have to wake your baby up for security
• 22:15
  yeah well that's true although if you drop it there's gonna be a huge
• 22:23
  liquid
• 22:25
  spill
• 22:26
  that isn't blood.
• 22:29
  Oh no, the diaper
• 22:31
  burst. I've seen his water broke.
• 22:36
  Alright, are we packaging
• 22:37
  these things together or are they two
• 22:39
  do we need? It's a system.
• 22:44
  You have the fake baby, gets you real
• 22:45
  drunk, so you have unprotected
• 22:47
  sex, you get knocked up, and then nine months
• 22:49
  later, you can feed it.
• 22:51
  You can feed it.
• 22:52
  With our patented no hurt system.
• 22:56
  Okay.
• 22:58
  What do you want to call this?
• 23:02
  Thank you, baby.
• 23:03
  How about 2%?
• 23:10
  It's a milk pun, but it also is how much of your nipple is actually exposed.
• 23:17
  Just a little duct.
• 23:18
  Yeah, see?
• 23:19
  Write that down.
• 23:20
  write milk of momnesia
• 23:21
  write down gum baby
• 23:28
  what's the other invention called
• 23:34
  booze baby
• 23:37
  booze baby that's so cute
• 23:40
  cute
• 23:41
  or beer baby
• 23:44
  which one's better
• 23:47
  well beer baby isn't that what sometimes people
• 23:49
  call a beer belly
• 23:50
  Yeah, I like Boo's Baby.
• 23:51
  Well, yeah, but that's why it's cute.
• 23:54
  Boo's Baby.
• 23:55
  Boo's Baby's better.
• 23:57
  What about Little Buzz?
• 24:00
  Like Lil?
• 24:02
  Yeah.
• 24:04
  Shot, Baby.
• 24:08
  Baby Shooter.
• 24:11
  We did it.
• 24:14
  Write it down.
• 24:16
  That's funny.
• 24:17
  Sham Pregnancy.
• 24:18
  I wish you'd said that before she said baby sugar
• 24:20
  that is a tough act to follow
• 24:22
  oh my god I love it
• 24:26
  okay
• 24:30
  I bet you we could even invent a filter for the
• 24:32
  nipple
• 24:33
  that filters out
• 24:36
  alcohol in case you accidentally drink
• 24:38
  wait
• 24:40
  so the nipple
• 24:42
  that goes out
• 24:43
  yeah and then the milk passes through
• 24:46
  if you accidentally drink
• 24:47
  you could like
• 24:48
  purifying
• 24:49
  purify the milk
• 24:50
  the milk
• 24:50
  of just the alcohol
• 24:51
  maybe it could
• 24:52
  heat up slightly
• 24:53
  so that way
• 24:54
  the alcohol burns
• 24:56
  as it passes through
• 24:57
  yeah
• 24:58
  just
• 24:59
  maybe
• 24:59
  we'll get your boob
• 25:00
  to a nice low boil
• 25:01
  trust us
• 25:05
  we're men
• 25:06
  yeah
• 25:08
  that sounds nice
• 25:09
  how about
• 25:10
  breast brunch
• 25:12
  breast
• 25:15
  breast fist
• 25:15
  I don't hate it but
• 25:18
  It's not great but it's fun
• 25:20
  Yeah
• 25:21
  That one was just for us
• 25:22
  Yeah, sorry listeners
• 25:24
  Well, we did it
• 25:27
  Wow, this is
• 25:28
  Man, mothers out there
• 25:31
  And drinkers out there
• 25:33
  And babies
• 25:35
  Yeah, and babies
• 25:38
  Babies chew away
• 25:39
  Yeah
• 25:40
  You have your fun
• 25:41
  Yeah, true to your heart's content
• 25:42
  Yeah
• 25:44
  will this protect against when the babies start getting teeth
• 25:47
  yeah that's like the main thing
• 25:49
  I mean it's also
• 25:52
  I've heard that there's like chafing and stuff
• 25:54
  yeah yeah
• 25:54
  two main things
• 25:56
  just from general wear and tear yeah this is like a slip cover for your couch if your couch was a boob Wow boob couch
• 26:08
  Do you think that exists?
• 26:10
  A boob couch?
• 26:10
  Yeah.
• 26:12
  Stay tuned next week.
• 26:14
  Yeah.
• 26:15
  I bet you someone has something like that.
• 26:17
  A couple of beanbag chairs that look like boobs together.
• 26:21
  Yeah.
• 26:21
  I hope so.
• 26:22
  We got to make that.
• 26:23
  I'm picturing it kind of like, isn't there, and Rick and Morty,
• 26:26
  is it in the credits where they're like jumping on like giant butts that look like mountains or
• 26:32
  whatever joe's nodding i'm yeah well then there's also boob world where everything is oh everything
• 26:38
  is boobs which they never actually like they always talk about it they've talked about it
• 26:42
  multiple times but you never actually see it oh okay god i'm glad that i i'm glad that i'm not
• 26:46
  completely misremembering a whole yeah there's also like a sea where there's like little islands
• 26:52
  of butts yeah like rising up you draw me a map to this sea look within your heart it is already
• 27:00
  there there it is well good job francis thanks y'all i can't wait to sneak through security with
• 27:09
  my stroller and a fake baby and a diaper bag and i have to act all frazzled like oh god being a mom
• 27:18
  Does it come with other fake babies throughout the life cycle for having this invention for a long period of time?
• 27:25
  So you have like a fake 17 year old?
• 27:30
  We'll see what happens with the line.
• 27:31
  Okay.
• 27:33
  All right.
• 27:33
  Well, that wraps up the invention of the week.
• 27:37
  All right.
• 27:39
  It's time now for our next segment.
• 27:43
  Where my money at?
• 27:45
  Don't I stop my money?
• 27:49
  What's that all about?
• 27:52
  Uh, a couple of rich friends suddenly find themselves poor and they have to make do in the regular world.
• 28:01
  Okay, we'll see what happens with that.
• 28:02
  Okay.
• 28:12
  What?
• 28:13
  Huh?
• 28:14
  Huh?
• 28:14
  What?
• 28:15
  What does this mean?
• 28:17
  I don't know.
• 28:19
  It says...
• 28:20
  What?
• 28:22
  Rachel, it says denied.
• 28:25
  It's never happened.
• 28:26
  It's a mistake.
• 28:27
  It's got to be a mistake.
• 28:28
  Oh, my God.
• 28:29
  It's a mistake.
• 28:30
  Call the bank.
• 28:31
  Okay.
• 28:33
  It's busy.
• 28:33
  Oh, my God.
• 28:34
  What?
• 28:35
  I usually get right through.
• 28:37
  I'm going to freak the f...
• 28:38
  Out.
• 28:39
  Okay.
• 28:39
  Okay.
• 28:40
  Calm down.
• 28:40
  Calm down.
• 28:41
  Quick.
• 28:42
  Where's...
• 28:42
  Let's get our calming valley.
• 28:45
  Where's the calming valet?
• 28:46
  The one that calms us down when we need to be calmed down.
• 28:49
  Oh my God, there's a note.
• 28:51
  What?
• 28:51
  I'm not reading this.
• 28:52
  He's not here.
• 28:53
  Where's the reading valet?
• 28:56
  I don't know.
• 28:58
  Boy?
• 28:59
  Boy, where are you?
• 29:02
  I don't, where did he go?
• 29:04
  Something's going on.
• 29:07
  Hold on.
• 29:08
  I'm going to go blow my nose into a hundred.
• 29:10
  Okay.
• 29:12
  Just throw it away.
• 29:13
  Okay, good.
• 29:14
  Yeah.
• 29:14
  I'll burn it so no one's tempted to get it later.
• 29:18
  Oh, good.
• 29:19
  Oh, good.
• 29:19
  You did it in front of a homeless person.
• 29:21
  Good job.
• 29:22
  Yeah.
• 29:23
  It's my money.
• 29:24
  Yeah.
• 29:24
  And my plate window.
• 29:26
  You're looking through.
• 29:27
  That I'm letting you look through.
• 29:29
  Okay.
• 29:30
  Well.
• 29:30
  This has got to be some kind of mistake.
• 29:32
  No big deal.
• 29:32
  We're still soups loads.
• 29:36
  Yeah.
• 29:37
  So let's just go.
• 29:40
  I don't know.
• 29:40
  Should we drive to the store right next door?
• 29:45
  Yeah, let's go to Erwan.
• 29:46
  Okay.
• 29:47
  Let's go.
• 29:48
  Yeah, Erwan.
• 29:49
  Let's go.
• 29:50
  Okay, we're here.
• 29:51
  Oh my god.
• 29:51
  I normally take a limo.
• 29:54
  Well, the limo's gone.
• 29:56
  Did we just walk?
• 29:57
  Yeah, well, is that what this is?
• 30:01
  My feet feel weird.
• 30:02
  Oh my god, these skin sticks were moving.
• 30:05
  I thought these were just for
• 30:08
  For crossing and making boys look up our skirts
• 30:11
  Yeah and yelling yams
• 30:12
  Nice yams
• 30:14
  But no one did that today
• 30:16
  That's so weird
• 30:16
  Okay something
• 30:19
  This must be like a punk situation
• 30:23
  Totally
• 30:24
  Ashton you can come out
• 30:26
  Yeah you're gay
• 30:27
  It never gets old
• 30:30
  Can I just say real quick
• 30:33
  I really appreciate being rich with you
• 30:35
  I couldn't imagine being rich with anyone else but you.
• 30:40
  Do you remember when it was the holidays and we bought out almost every seat on the plane?
• 30:44
  And then there was that lady who was like, she ran to the gate and she's like,
• 30:47
  please, I need to get home to my family.
• 30:49
  And we just laughed at the exact same time.
• 30:52
  And we were like, no.
• 30:53
  I know.
• 30:54
  And then she started crying.
• 30:56
  Yeah.
• 30:57
  And then we pulled out a $100 bill and started to hand it to her like it was a tissue.
• 31:01
  And then we ate it.
• 31:03
  Yeah.
• 31:04
  She probably remembers that too
• 31:06
  Probably
• 31:07
  It's inspiring for people to see rich people like us
• 31:10
  Yeah they have to know they can do it
• 31:11
  I know
• 31:12
  We can do it
• 31:13
  You can do it
• 31:14
  Oh $150 steak sandwich
• 31:18
  God they're giving it away
• 31:20
  I know seriously let's get two
• 31:21
  Oh this is weird
• 31:23
  I only want to eat the left half of both of them
• 31:26
  Yeah well I'm not even going to eat it
• 31:28
  I'm going to take pictures with it and I'm going to throw it away
• 31:30
  Oh my god you're so smart that's why you're so thin
• 31:32
  Stop
• 31:32
  God, ugh.
• 31:34
  Stop.
• 31:35
  I wish I had your discipline.
• 31:37
  Well, yeah.
• 31:38
  I inherited it.
• 31:40
  Like my wealth.
• 31:42
  I love my rich daddy.
• 31:45
  This is weird.
• 31:46
  What?
• 31:46
  Remember that money I blew my nose into and then burned?
• 31:49
  Yeah.
• 31:51
  Apparently it was the last hundred I had in my wallet
• 31:53
  because I haven't had a chance to go to my Scrooge bank.
• 31:56
  The vault?
• 31:57
  Yeah.
• 31:57
  I haven't had a chance to go get more.
• 31:59
  Wait.
• 32:00
  Well, hang on.
• 32:01
  I'm sure I've got at least 100 hundreds.
• 32:04
  Obviously.
• 32:05
  Yeah.
• 32:05
  Let me just check.
• 32:06
  This is so embarrassing.
• 32:07
  I feel naked.
• 32:07
  What?
• 32:08
  What's wrong?
• 32:08
  I just opened my wallet and a little moth flew out.
• 32:11
  And there's no money in there.
• 32:12
  Is it carrying money?
• 32:13
  No.
• 32:14
  I didn't even know moths could be around me.
• 32:17
  I thought they all had to be butterflies.
• 32:19
  Yeah.
• 32:20
  Was there any clothes in your wallet?
• 32:22
  No.
• 32:22
  That's the only thing I know about moths.
• 32:24
  This is so weird.
• 32:24
  I know.
• 32:25
  They like clothes.
• 32:26
  But they like poor stuff.
• 32:28
  Call your dad.
• 32:29
  Okay.
• 32:30
  What?
• 32:31
  my phone.
• 32:33
  What?
• 32:33
  What about it?
• 32:34
  It says,
• 32:35
  no service.
• 32:37
  Oh,
• 32:37
  this is bizarre.
• 32:39
  Something's going on.
• 32:41
  Something's going on.
• 32:43
  We'll just talk to the clerk.
• 32:45
  They'll give us the food.
• 32:46
  They know we're good for it.
• 32:47
  Right.
• 32:47
  I know.
• 32:49
  You were wearing Chanel.
• 32:50
  Yeah.
• 32:50
  Well,
• 32:51
  sort of.
• 32:52
  Kind of.
• 32:53
  You're wearing the top half of a,
• 32:54
  you're wearing the top half of a Chanel suit
• 32:56
  and I'm wearing the bottom half.
• 32:58
  Well,
• 32:58
  we are inventing something.
• 33:00
  I know.
• 33:01
  Excuse me, lower life form?
• 33:04
  Hello?
• 33:05
  Hello?
• 33:06
  Being who disgusts me?
• 33:07
  Hi.
• 33:09
  Excuse me?
• 33:10
  Hello?
• 33:10
  What?
• 33:11
  Hello?
• 33:13
  Yeah.
• 33:14
  That took you a really long time.
• 33:16
  You're probably...
• 33:18
  I can't say it.
• 33:20
  We've never been in this situation before,
• 33:22
  and frankly, I can't believe I even have to talk to you.
• 33:25
  We're going to take this sandwich,
• 33:28
  and you'll get paid somehow.
• 33:31
  Yeah, so just buy.
• 33:34
  That's what we're trying to say.
• 33:35
  And buy it at the steak sandwiches.
• 33:37
  We can't do that.
• 33:39
  I'm sorry.
• 33:40
  Oh, no, I'm sorry.
• 33:41
  You don't understand?
• 33:44
  It's not up to you.
• 33:45
  We're doing it.
• 33:46
  We're just doing it, and then it's going to be fine.
• 33:50
  No, we can't do that at this restaurant.
• 33:53
  And look, I understand that.
• 33:56
  Oh, my God, he thinks this is a restaurant.
• 33:58
  This is a restaurant to him?
• 34:00
  He needs this job.
• 34:00
  He needs it.
• 34:01
  This is a sad job that he needs.
• 34:04
  I don't know how much more clear we can be.
• 34:07
  I take my job seriously.
• 34:10
  Cute.
• 34:11
  Okay, that's adorable.
• 34:12
  I love that for you.
• 34:13
  Yeah, that's really cute.
• 34:14
  I'm going to write to Maury about that, and he's going to do a show on it.
• 34:17
  But right now, I'm taking the sandwich.
• 34:20
  No, I need the money from this show.
• 34:23
  She's taking the sandwich.
• 34:26
  And then I'll be photographing with it.
• 34:28
  And then we'll be burning it in front of a homeless person
• 34:31
  With any luck
• 34:33
  The same one who saw me trash my money earlier
• 34:35
  I mean I think it's probably the same one
• 34:40
  There's probably only one
• 34:41
  There's probably just the one
• 34:42
  This is Palm Beach
• 34:43
  Yeah. So thank you. We're doing it.
• 34:50
  Look, you speak with such authority.
• 34:53
  I'm going to let you do it.
• 34:56
  Yeah.
• 34:56
  But I need you to promise you're not going to tell anyone that I let you do it.
• 35:00
  I wouldn't.
• 35:01
  Because I need this job.
• 35:03
  I could. I'm looking right at you and I can't even describe you.
• 35:07
  Yeah.
• 35:07
  So don't worry.
• 35:08
  I there's no way I could
• 35:12
  Relay to anyone who you are
• 35:14
  As a human being good I need
• 35:16
  The money I'm poor yeah we
• 35:18
  Know you know I could
• 35:20
  Tell from your Reeboks
• 35:21
  No
• 35:23
  They were a gift
• 35:25
  Oh you didn't even pay for them
• 35:27
  Bye bye
• 35:29
  Thank you for the steak sandwiches
• 35:31
  That belong to us
• 35:33
  Great sandwich for sure
• 35:36
  Gonna eat this tag cashier
• 35:38
  Erwan send.
• 35:40
  P.S. it was free.
• 35:42
  Well, um,
• 35:44
  I don't know what's going on.
• 35:47
  I know.
• 35:48
  Maybe we should get a...
• 35:50
  What?
• 35:53
  Job.
• 35:56
  Job.
• 35:57
  The book of Job from the Bible?
• 35:59
  No.
• 36:01
  Remember what
• 36:02
  he was doing in there?
• 36:05
  Um,
• 36:07
  I beat, what?
• 36:08
  being poor. He was being poor.
• 36:10
  Wearing white Reeboks.
• 36:12
  Gift. Gifted white
• 36:14
  Reeboks. Might as well be barefoot as far
• 36:16
  as I'm concerned.
• 36:18
  Yeah, seriously. But
• 36:19
  he did imply that he was getting paid.
• 36:22
  So we just need a few hundred thousand
• 36:24
  dollars. We should just get a quick job.
• 36:26
  Oh. Well, just to
• 36:28
  just till we figure out what's going on with our
• 36:29
  money stitch, right? Oh, and this is for fun.
• 36:32
  So it's totally respectable.
• 36:34
  Okay. All right.
• 36:36
  Cool. Yeah. As long as we're doing it like
• 36:37
  Like the way Paris and Nicole did on that TV show that they had.
• 36:42
  I know.
• 36:42
  We should unblock them.
• 36:44
  God, no.
• 36:45
  They know what they did.
• 36:46
  You're right.
• 36:47
  I'm too nice.
• 36:47
  I know.
• 36:48
  You are.
• 36:48
  That's your fatal flaw.
• 36:49
  Thank you so much.
• 36:50
  Yeah.
• 36:51
  Oh, my God.
• 36:51
  Look, that place that has dollar in the name is hiring.
• 36:54
  Oh, my God.
• 36:54
  Well, it's got already...
• 36:56
  Half that name is already something I love.
• 36:59
  Perfect.
• 36:59
  We're coming in.
• 37:01
  Okay.
• 37:01
  Ooh.
• 37:02
  It smells like...
• 37:03
  It smells...
• 37:04
  What is that?
• 37:07
  Wet cardboard?
• 37:10
  Oh my god, this is not sanitary.
• 37:12
  How are they allowed to put dollar in their name if it's going to be gross like this?
• 37:17
  It must be a thing?
• 37:21
  It's a thing.
• 37:22
  Okay, alright.
• 37:23
  They're doing a thing.
• 37:24
  It's like Blenciaga doing trash bag clothes or something.
• 37:28
  Oh my god, now I love it.
• 37:30
  That's it.
• 37:30
  Oh my god.
• 37:32
  Oh, look at these fake prices they're putting on everything.
• 37:35
  No, this is so normal.
• 37:36
  This is so cute.
• 37:37
  $1.49?
• 37:38
  Or maybe that's $1.49 million.
• 37:41
  It has to be.
• 37:41
  It has to be.
• 37:42
  For this artisan bubble wand.
• 37:46
  What?
• 37:48
  Why is there like a stampede of people coming towards us?
• 37:53
  They look like zombies.
• 37:55
  They're all like, we're just standing in front of a pile of jeans.
• 37:59
  I know.
• 38:00
  All three of them have moles.
• 38:02
  Oh, hi.
• 38:03
  I think that's just their faces.
• 38:05
  I don't think it's just like a big mole.
• 38:07
  Oh, ew.
• 38:09
  I know.
• 38:14
  I'm not going to talk to them.
• 38:15
  Yeah, don't?
• 38:16
  Yeah.
• 38:18
  So, do we...
• 38:21
  Okay, I'm kind of concerned that this is not going to be paying us like $200,000, $300,000 for a day.
• 38:27
  Why would you even think that?
• 38:28
  Why would anybody do this for less?
• 38:30
  I don't know.
• 38:31
  I mean we just need it to like
• 38:33
  Real quick get our valets back
• 38:36
  And get our limo back
• 38:37
  But what do you think we should do?
• 38:39
  I
• 38:40
  Let's just
• 38:42
  What it was
• 38:45
  What were you doing earlier? Walking?
• 38:47
  Oh yeah
• 38:48
  My skin sticks were moving I remember now
• 38:51
  Yeah let's see
• 38:53
  We've got to be close to the beach
• 38:54
  Yeah someone's got to pay us to walk
• 38:56
  Yeah exactly
• 38:57
  Or someone's got to
• 38:59
  We'll just go to the beach and someone rich will find us there.
• 39:02
  Oh my God.
• 39:03
  I just remembered we're hot.
• 39:04
  Yeah.
• 39:05
  Oh my God.
• 39:05
  Oh my God.
• 39:06
  We're hot.
• 39:07
  Yes.
• 39:07
  This is so stupid.
• 39:10
  Go to the beach.
• 39:13
  Hello everyone.
• 39:14
  I'm shirtless at the beach.
• 39:15
  And I'm pantless.
• 39:18
  Hello.
• 39:19
  Come and get it.
• 39:22
  And I don't eat.
• 39:25
  I have a picture of me with a sandwich.
• 39:27
  bitch.
• 39:29
  What the fuck? What's going on?
• 39:31
  Did I die or something?
• 39:33
  Did I miss something? Oh my god, did we
• 39:35
  die? Oh my god, are we dead?
• 39:37
  Oh my god, no, that can't be because then this is hell.
• 39:40
  This has to be hell.
• 39:41
  Everyone's ugly.
• 39:44
  No one's looking at my
• 39:45
  pantsless body. I know.
• 39:47
  My nips are out.
• 39:49
  They're fully out.
• 39:51
  Excuse me.
• 39:52
  Excuse me. Oh, hi.
• 39:54
  Yes, you're rich?
• 39:57
  I don't see how that's relevant.
• 39:59
  Please confirm.
• 40:01
  Well, I mean, this is Miami.
• 40:04
  Not really Miami standards rich per se, but I do okay.
• 40:09
  I do okay.
• 40:10
  Oh my God, he does okay.
• 40:11
  Oh, okay.
• 40:12
  So like, just like a few million a year?
• 40:14
  That's fine.
• 40:15
  That'll get us through to the end of the day.
• 40:17
  Oh, thank God.
• 40:18
  Look, ladies, beach police make about 50,000 a year, okay?
• 40:24
  And that's what I am.
• 40:25
  I'm a beach policeman.
• 40:27
  I've come here to find you both for being shirtless and pantless.
• 40:33
  Oh, like you want to tell us that we're fine?
• 40:36
  Like, ooh, you're so fine.
• 40:38
  No.
• 40:38
  I have a question.
• 40:39
  50,000?
• 40:40
  How many millions is that?
• 40:44
  I don't have time to do math with you right now, lady.
• 40:47
  Put some pants on.
• 40:48
  I have another question.
• 40:49
  You're racking up fines by the minute every second that you're out here without pants.
• 40:54
  Why would anyone...
• 40:54
  That's right.
• 40:55
  Why would you need to...
• 40:56
  I said what I said.
• 41:00
  Beach police,
• 41:01
  why would you need to arrest a beach?
• 41:04
  What is the beach doing to you?
• 41:05
  Leave the beach alone.
• 41:08
  Oh, God.
• 41:10
  Wait, I think I know what to do.
• 41:11
  I'm going to set a little out of character here
• 41:13
  as a beach policeman and say,
• 41:15
  it's a good thing you're so beautiful,
• 41:16
  because God, you are so dumb.
• 41:18
  Thank you.
• 41:19
  Oh, my God.
• 41:19
  Thank you so much.
• 41:19
  No, give her money.
• 41:20
  Yeah.
• 41:20
  No.
• 41:21
  Usually I get money right after someone says that.
• 41:23
  You can't just compliment her and then not pay her.
• 41:25
  No.
• 41:25
  In fact, here are more fines
• 41:27
  And you have to pay them right now
• 41:30
  More fine? You're telling me I'm fine more times?
• 41:32
  No
• 41:32
  Well here a map I just drew To a clam sir This is an arrow pointing down I was going to say it just an arrow going straight down
• 41:45
  It's a treasure map.
• 41:48
  Go find the treasure map.
• 41:49
  Are you trying to bribe a beach police officer?
• 41:51
  Yes.
• 41:52
  That's another fine.
• 41:54
  Well, who's going to pay this?
• 41:55
  Because that's the person we need to talk to.
• 41:57
  They're the ones with the money.
• 41:57
  I know.
• 41:58
  You're really talking to the wrong people here.
• 42:00
  We're the middlemen.
• 42:01
  We just get the fines.
• 42:04
  we don't pay the fines.
• 42:05
  You want to go to the person that pays them.
• 42:09
  Put us on a boat.
• 42:11
  A yacht, preferably.
• 42:12
  Yeah, that's...
• 42:13
  We'll find someone to pay these fines.
• 42:14
  I see a yacht right there.
• 42:16
  Please, sir, take us to that yacht.
• 42:17
  The only boat I could take you to
• 42:19
  is the beach police prison boat
• 42:21
  for not paying your fines.
• 42:24
  It's a boat?
• 42:27
  It's not like a...
• 42:29
  No, it's not like an hors d'oeuvres
• 42:30
  happy hour kind of boat
• 42:32
  like you're thinking of, I would imagine.
• 42:34
  Why would you even want to go on that?
• 42:39
  No, Rachel.
• 42:40
  I'm just saying.
• 42:41
  Rachel, no.
• 42:41
  I'm saying I need you to facilitate something here.
• 42:44
  What time is it?
• 42:46
  It's 3.39 in the afternoon.
• 42:48
  I'm supposed to snort gold at four.
• 42:51
  Honey, we'll get you your gold.
• 42:53
  Rachel, don't worry.
• 42:55
  Okay?
• 42:55
  Quick.
• 42:56
  She needs to snort gold.
• 42:58
  You don't understand how the system just is, it's, the body can't handle its routines being disrupted like that.
• 43:10
  Crap.
• 43:11
  I can't have another, another civilian die on my watch, especially after I shot that kid last year.
• 43:17
  Good.
• 43:18
  Yeah.
• 43:18
  I'm sure the kid had it coming by the way.
• 43:20
  It was an accident.
• 43:21
  Well, yes, but that's not, that was.
• 43:24
  Hey, don't diminish yourself in our eyes.
• 43:26
  Thank you.
• 43:26
  Thank you.
• 43:27
  Okay.
• 43:27
  Well, I've only ever heard of gold.
• 43:32
  I'm not really even sure it's real.
• 43:33
  Where do I procure some for you?
• 43:38
  It just appears from rich men.
• 43:40
  Yeah, I don't know.
• 43:42
  We have a little snuff box and then every morning it's like full again.
• 43:45
  Oh, rich men.
• 43:46
  Yeah.
• 43:47
  You should mention, we're in Miami.
• 43:49
  Oh, you should be at a club.
• 43:51
  Yes, take us.
• 43:51
  Oh, yes.
• 43:52
  Take us.
• 43:53
  Yes.
• 43:53
  There's so many rich men there.
• 43:54
  Take us to a club.
• 43:55
  Take us to a club.
• 43:56
  Please.
• 43:56
  Take us to a club.
• 43:57
  I'm taking the club.
• 44:01
  Cut to a club.
• 44:03
  Oh, I'm feeling better already.
• 44:04
  Oh, yeah.
• 44:05
  Oh, my God.
• 44:07
  Tiffany, I already got five free drinks.
• 44:09
  Oh.
• 44:10
  Look, there's money in this one.
• 44:11
  Oh, nice.
• 44:12
  I'm feeling good.
• 44:13
  Oh, good.
• 44:14
  Yeah.
• 44:14
  Oh, yeah.
• 44:16
  Oh, somebody in the bathroom gave me gold.
• 44:19
  Oh, good.
• 44:20
  Yeah.
• 44:21
  Oh, can I be honest with you about something?
• 44:22
  Yeah.
• 44:24
  Today's really opened my eyes.
• 44:27
  to something to what well here i'll just take this wet soppy money out of the money and use it
• 44:31
  as an example out of the drink oh my god i pulled a beach guy oh minutes by the second oh anyway
• 44:39
  i pulled this money out of the drink it made me think remember early when i when i burned my money
• 44:45
  yeah in front of that guy that was so funny what here i am second guessing my whole life and look
• 44:54
  Can we go outside?
• 44:56
  I saw a homeless guy out there
• 44:58
  Okay, yeah
• 45:00
  Let's do it
• 45:01
  I want things to be different
• 45:01
  Yeah
• 45:02
  Sir?
• 45:07
  Yes?
• 45:08
  You see this wad of hundreds?
• 45:11
  Mm-hmm
• 45:11
  This wet, wet wad
• 45:14
  Covered in alcohol?
• 45:16
  Yeah
• 45:16
  You'd like that, wouldn't you, sir?
• 45:19
  Uh, yes
• 45:21
  Yes
• 45:21
  I would
• 45:23
  Watch this
• 45:24
  no i'm back i'm better oh thank god thank god you rich bitch that's right motherfucker
• 45:34
  well that's how i would do it too yeah it sounds like tiffany and rachel really learned something
• 45:44
  do you think if you burn money it appears in another dimension
• 45:46
  well if you burn
• 45:51
  anything does it appear in another dimension
• 45:54
  sure
• 45:56
  anything
• 45:57
  specifically money
• 45:59
  well I mean why am I like are the people of Pompeii
• 46:02
  suddenly in a different dimension
• 46:04
  maybe
• 46:07
  that would be really funny
• 46:09
  just their money
• 46:10
  just their money
• 46:12
  I like being rich with you.
• 46:18
  Thank you.
• 46:18
  Oh, yeah.
• 46:18
  That was fun.
• 46:19
  Yeah.
• 46:20
  Maybe in the next segment, we'll get our valets back.
• 46:23
  Yeah.
• 46:25
  Hopefully.
• 46:27
  Oh, valet.
• 46:28
  Nice.
• 46:29
  Thanks.
• 46:31
  That wraps up.
• 46:33
  Wear my money hat.
• 46:38
  All right.
• 46:38
  One last segment time.
• 46:42
  The big question.
• 46:44
  The question is very big.
• 46:48
  I have one.
• 46:49
  Yay.
• 46:51
  And it's for you.
• 46:52
  Thank you.
• 46:54
  Here it is.
• 46:57
  I want you to host a dinner party.
• 47:00
  Oh.
• 47:01
  You're going to invite people to your dinner party.
• 47:02
  Okay.
• 47:03
  But here's the twist.
• 47:05
  You have an ulterior motive for setting up this dinner party.
• 47:10
  so people don't know why they're coming and you're going to reveal why you invited all these
• 47:18
  people what their connection is and what like why they're there so it's one singular reason that i
• 47:25
  want everybody or every each person i have a reason for each person or if you want to tie
• 47:31
  together with one thing this is your rodeo okay this feels very much like the end of an agatha
• 47:39
  the Christie novel or something.
• 47:41
  Okay.
• 47:42
  Am I like inviting them as characters or am I just saying who's there?
• 47:48
  You could do anything you want.
• 47:50
  It's my question.
• 47:51
  Yeah.
• 47:52
  It's for me.
• 47:53
  Fun one,
• 47:54
  right?
• 47:55
  Okay.
• 47:56
  That wasn't an answer.
• 47:58
  Well,
• 47:58
  I'm right to thinking.
• 48:02
  Okay.
• 48:03
  Think.
• 48:09
  Oh, Countess. Countess, welcome. Welcome to my dinner party. I'm so happy you could make it.
• 48:17
  Oh, thanks so much for inviting me.
• 48:20
  Oh, well, it just wouldn't be a dinner party without you. I just...
• 48:25
  I was starting to worry. I hadn't heard from you in so long.
• 48:28
  Oh well I so sorry I had a few things in the back burner Oh But I glad you here Find a seat anywhere Oh thank you I just sit right here Great Oh Mr Mayor Mr Mayor thank you so much for taking the time
• 48:44
  Oh, good evening, my love.
• 48:47
  I'm just so blessed that you're here.
• 48:52
  And how's the city doing, by the way?
• 48:54
  City's doing great, and I aim to serve.
• 48:56
  I could not pass up a chance to be with you at your dinner.
• 49:00
  Oh, I love that you're wearing your sash.
• 49:02
  And my hat.
• 49:03
  And oh, you brought the key.
• 49:06
  A big key for a small girl.
• 49:08
  Oh, that's so sweet.
• 49:10
  Thank you so much.
• 49:11
  Oh, look, I look tiny next to it.
• 49:12
  Yes, people love that.
• 49:14
  Can I sit next to the countess?
• 49:16
  I wouldn't have it any other way.
• 49:18
  Thank you.
• 49:20
  Oh, little Jimmy.
• 49:23
  Little Jimmy, my next door neighbor, little boy.
• 49:27
  Hi.
• 49:28
  Hi.
• 49:29
  Hey, buddy.
• 49:30
  Thanks for coming to the dinner party.
• 49:32
  I found my way.
• 49:33
  You did.
• 49:34
  You found your way just across the street.
• 49:36
  Yeah.
• 49:39
  Should I sit down?
• 49:43
  Uh-huh.
• 49:43
  And I'm going to let you sit at the adult table today.
• 49:45
  Wow.
• 49:46
  Yeah.
• 49:47
  Okay.
• 49:48
  Thanks.
• 49:48
  Thanks for coming.
• 49:49
  Mm-hmm.
• 49:53
  Hello, mother.
• 49:56
  Mildred.
• 49:56
  I see you
• 49:59
  haven't kept up with your housework
• 50:01
  that's alright
• 50:02
  you frigid bitch
• 50:04
  you frigid bitch
• 50:06
  I won't cause a scene
• 50:08
  I guess I'll sit down on this stiff
• 50:11
  packed chair
• 50:12
  yeah sit next to the little boy
• 50:13
  the little boy who could have been a grandson that you never gave me
• 50:16
  oh my god
• 50:17
  not this again
• 50:19
  there's a reason why I don't invite you places mother
• 50:22
  I'm going to sit now
• 50:23
  yeah
• 50:24
  manager of the Arby's
• 50:28
  hi
• 50:29
  thank you so much for coming
• 50:33
  thank you so much
• 50:35
  for inviting me
• 50:36
  so hard to get out of the kitchen these days
• 50:39
  brought you a double chain of roast beef
• 50:42
  oh my favorite
• 50:44
  I'm just going to put it on a little silver tray
• 50:47
  oh yes
• 50:47
  oh yes
• 50:48
  oh no
• 50:49
  oh gross
• 50:53
  Bless your heart and thank your stars.
• 50:55
  Your lips are like roast beef.
• 50:57
  That's gross.
• 50:58
  That's why they hired me.
• 51:06
  Magical elf.
• 51:10
  She's high!
• 51:15
  I'm so glad you could make it.
• 51:17
  Please, I would say find any seat you want, but you don't sit.
• 51:20
  I go to the chef
• 51:23
  Okay
• 51:25
  You just do whatever fun thing you want to do
• 51:28
  Thank you
• 51:29
  Alright well
• 51:38
  Welcome all of you
• 51:40
  To
• 51:42
  To my dinner party
• 51:44
  So glad you could all make it
• 51:47
  I'd love to say that I invited you here
• 51:58
  for just a warm meal and good company.
• 52:03
  And in some respects I did.
• 52:07
  But I also have something that I need from all of you.
• 52:13
  What?
• 52:16
  Yes, that's right.
• 52:17
  I'm planning a very specific heist.
• 52:25
  Tell us more!
• 52:28
  Well, manager of the Arby's,
• 52:29
  I will.
• 52:33
  You see,
• 52:35
  there is a special stone,
• 52:39
  a special gemstone,
• 52:43
  that's being displayed at the local art museum.
• 52:46
  Mayor, you know you helped bring it here.
• 52:51
  No, Mayor, don't worry.
• 52:55
  I will make this worth your while.
• 52:57
  Oh, good.
• 52:58
  Yes.
• 53:01
  You ever seen the movie Ocean's Eleven?
• 53:04
  Yes.
• 53:05
  I'm doing kind of a Miranda Six thing.
• 53:07
  Oh, you'll need a key.
• 53:10
  I do.
• 53:11
  Well, Mayor, you catch on a lot faster than I thought you would.
• 53:15
  Okay, so here's the plan.
• 53:18
  Mr. Mayor, you have a key to everything.
• 53:20
  Yes, I do.
• 53:21
  Which you conveniently brought with you.
• 53:22
  Thank you so much.
• 53:23
  Oh, exciting.
• 53:25
  So, that'll get us in the front door.
• 53:27
  Wonderful.
• 53:28
  Countess.
• 53:31
  You are often bathed in jewels and gemstones of all kinds.
• 53:36
  Yes.
• 53:38
  So your presence in the museum will be a natural deterrent,
• 53:42
  deterrent, or not deterrent, a natural distraction.
• 53:46
  Everyone will be assuming, of course, you're going to be at this exhibit.
• 53:48
  All eyes will be on me, as they say.
• 53:51
  Uh-huh.
• 53:52
  And as they always are.
• 53:54
  You're glowing, by the way.
• 53:56
  It's glow.
• 53:57
  By me.
• 54:01
  Mother?
• 54:05
  You're going to distract the security guards
• 54:08
  by trying to get them to date me
• 54:11
  like you do with every single man that's single that you find.
• 54:14
  If it hasn't worked on anyone else.
• 54:16
  I know, Mother. Shut up.
• 54:18
  I just...
• 54:18
  You're gonna go like you always do with...
• 54:20
  Just push the man away.
• 54:23
  Okay.
• 54:24
  You find me the weirdest men.
• 54:26
  You find me the weirdest men.
• 54:29
  What did I do wrong?
• 54:31
  Okay.
• 54:32
  I stopped after one.
• 54:34
  That's what I did wrong.
• 54:35
  manager of the Arby's
• 54:39
  as you know
• 54:48
  the interior of the museum
• 54:51
  the marble that's in the floor
• 54:52
  I do know that
• 54:54
  marble
• 54:55
  comes from a quarry
• 54:58
  it sure does
• 54:59
  and marble quarry
• 55:01
  sounds like Arby
• 55:03
  no it doesn't
• 55:04
  It doesn't, but that's fine.
• 55:06
  You're trying.
• 55:07
  I'm going to tell you what your stated purpose is.
• 55:12
  The marble that they use all throughout the museum
• 55:15
  looks exactly like crappy roast beef.
• 55:24
  Low quality beef I going to need you I going to need you to cover Little Jimmy head to toe
• 55:36
  Little Jimmy, you hearing this?
• 55:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:40
  I get to be in roast beef?
• 55:41
  You're going to be wrapped
• 55:42
  head to toe in roast beef.
• 55:45
  I don't know if I feel comfortable.
• 55:46
  Don't you try.
• 55:47
  I'll do it.
• 55:48
  It's okay.
• 55:49
  It's all right.
• 55:51
  Little Jimmy's parents have,
• 55:52
  they've given me...
• 55:54
  Can I eat some?
• 55:55
  No, little Jimmy, no.
• 55:57
  Only after the job is done, then you can eat your way out of your meat suit.
• 56:00
  Does he have parents?
• 56:02
  He's got parents, but they've given me power of attorney over him,
• 56:04
  so I'm allowed to touch him and cover him in meat.
• 56:07
  You want my new mom?
• 56:07
  No.
• 56:08
  I'm just the person that's going to be wrapping you in meat.
• 56:11
  She's not ready to be a mother.
• 56:13
  Oh my god, Mother, shut up.
• 56:15
  Okay.
• 56:16
  Now, finally, magical elf.
• 56:21
  I'm getting down off the shelf.
• 56:23
  I'm coming to you
• 56:25
  Magical elf
• 56:28
  You I did just invite to the dinner party
• 56:31
  Because I like having you around
• 56:32
  No job for me
• 56:36
  What would you like to do at the museum?
• 56:43
  I know
• 56:44
  Deface the art
• 56:45
  You got it buddy
• 56:47
  You deface whatever you wanted to face
• 56:49
  Yeah
• 56:50
  You could also
• 56:53
  you know what? I do have a job for you. Use your magical powers to make the glass case around the
• 56:58
  jewel disappear. And that'll make it easier for little Jimmy to sneak up in his meat suit. Yes,
• 57:04
  I will do that. Take his little meat hand, grab the jewel. Meat hand, meat hand. And then he's
• 57:11
  going to sneak back out. He's going to sneak the jewel underneath his meat suit, shimmy his way out
• 57:15
  of the museum where I'll be waiting in the getaway car.
• 57:20
  And then I get the jewel.
• 57:23
  Thank you, guys.
• 57:26
  Thanks for helping me with this.
• 57:28
  Yeah!
• 57:30
  Okay.
• 57:31
  I'm really excited.
• 57:33
  Thanks, little Jimmy.
• 57:33
  I still don't know how I feel.
• 57:36
  Manager at the Arby's, this is the most good that roast beef will ever have done for anybody.
• 57:42
  Maybe you should try dating the manager from Arby's.
• 57:45
  Oh my god, mother.
• 57:46
  He's married.
• 57:49
  He's got a ring around his finger
• 57:50
  that has clearly expanded around him.
• 57:53
  We're open!
• 57:54
  Oh, well, that's okay.
• 57:55
  I'll pass.
• 57:59
  And then,
• 58:00
  catch two weeks later.
• 58:02
  I have the jewel.
• 58:04
  It's all mine.
• 58:05
  Thank you, everybody.
• 58:07
  Wait a minute.
• 58:09
  Are we gonna share that?
• 58:10
  Mommy says we should share.
• 58:12
  Ah!
• 58:15
  I'm a horrible mother.
• 58:18
  Yeah.
• 58:19
  Yeah, you are.
• 58:20
  Finally, we agree on something.
• 58:23
  And anyway, the end.
• 58:24
  That was really nice.
• 58:27
  Yeah.
• 58:28
  I think it still was a fun dinner party, even though.
• 58:31
  Yes.
• 58:32
  It was hard for some.
• 58:35
  But, you know, those people are never going to be happy.
• 58:38
  Right.
• 58:38
  Right.
• 58:40
  Thank you.
• 58:41
  That was wonderful.
• 58:42
  Right.
• 58:42
  Did you have an answer to the question or?
• 58:44
  No.
• 58:45
  No?
• 58:46
  No.
• 58:47
  Okay.
• 58:47
  All right.
• 58:48
  Well, that wraps up the big question.
• 58:51
  The big question.
• 58:52
  All right.
• 58:53
  Well, I'm going to go first because I think there's no way I have it.
• 58:57
  I have very few guesses.
• 58:59
  Okay.
• 59:00
  Good.
• 59:02
  I was just having too much fun.
• 59:04
  I wasn't paying attention to what you were saying.
• 59:05
  I just made it like an intention to write down stuff because last week I think I only had like a few.
• 59:10
  I know.
• 59:11
  I kind of did the same thing.
• 59:12
  But is your word deductive?
• 59:17
  No.
• 59:19
  Ulterior?
• 59:20
  No.
• 59:21
  Motive?
• 59:22
  No.
• 59:23
  Okay.
• 59:24
  Artisan?
• 59:25
  No.
• 59:27
  Valet?
• 59:28
  No.
• 59:28
  Which I might have said first.
• 59:30
  I actually don't remember.
• 59:30
  I think you did.
• 59:31
  Okay.
• 59:33
  And my last guess, snort?
• 59:37
  No.
• 59:38
  Ugh.
• 59:38
  Okay.
• 59:40
  Okay.
• 59:40
  Oh, my word was torturous.
• 59:44
  Oh, when did you say that?
• 59:46
  My friend said the pain was torturous.
• 59:49
  And my decoy word was indictments.
• 59:52
  When did you say that?
• 59:54
  In the beginning, I was talking about how the chain gang people were for more serious.
• 1:00:01
  Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:02
  You did say that.
• 1:00:03
  Yeah.
• 1:00:03
  All right.
• 1:00:04
  Well, hey, same thing for me.
• 1:00:05
  I think this is...
• 1:00:06
  Okay.
• 1:00:08
  I'm going to say stimulation.
• 1:00:10
  No.
• 1:00:13
  I'm going to say frazzled.
• 1:00:15
  Nope.
• 1:00:17
  Shirtless.
• 1:00:19
  It's my decoy word.
• 1:00:21
  Yes.
• 1:00:23
  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 1:00:25
  Oh, thank goodness gracious.
• 1:00:29
  Fuck.
• 1:00:30
  That's me.
• 1:00:31
  I think not fuck.
• 1:00:33
  I think fuck in a good way.
• 1:00:37
  Okay.
• 1:00:38
  Shit.
• 1:00:39
  We might have just leveled up the score.
• 1:00:41
  No, I think you might still be ahead.
• 1:00:43
  I think last time I had the count wrong.
• 1:00:46
  I think.
• 1:00:49
  How could I have no?
• 1:00:51
  Okay.
• 1:00:51
  Well, you could still theoretically guess mine.
• 1:00:53
  Yeah.
• 1:00:56
  Countess.
• 1:00:57
  No.
• 1:00:59
  Distraction.
• 1:01:02
  Marble.
• 1:01:03
  No.
• 1:01:04
  Museum.
• 1:01:05
  No.
• 1:01:07
  Shimmy.
• 1:01:07
  no
• 1:01:08
  elf
• 1:01:10
  no
• 1:01:11
  mayor
• 1:01:14
  nope
• 1:01:14
  mother
• 1:01:18
  no
• 1:01:19
  jewel
• 1:01:24
  nope
• 1:01:24
  attorney
• 1:01:28
  power of attorney
• 1:01:31
  no
• 1:01:31
  I don't know why I looked away like I had to think about that
• 1:01:34
  well I don't have anything else
• 1:01:37
  uh well yes as you know my decoy was shirtless and my real word was stampede
• 1:01:43
  okay that worked in nicely yeah thank you can't be mad thanks i'm very excited i i made up a little
• 1:01:53
  tiny bit of ground today i can't believe one of those words was on was one of them
• 1:01:57
  she had yeah
• 1:01:59
  well uh i think you're still in the lead but
• 1:02:07
  we're narrowing the gap so yay until next time