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293. The 4 H's To A Passionate Intimate Life · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: It's the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast, Welcome to the studio.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I haven't seen you in a while.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: It's been Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the studio.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I haven't seen you in a while.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: It's been like 10 minutes.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been a while.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, this is going to be a good topic, I think.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you haven't told me much, but you piqued my interest enough that I think it's going to be extremely good.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Well, Nick wanted to talk about the basics to having a thriving and amazing marriage and I'm like, wait, we talk about the basics all the time.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I know we named it Marriage for Dummies or Marriage 101.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Like, just really get into the simple things.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Like if you do these simple things, you're going to have a good relationship.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: But no one wants to hear that.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: No one wants to hear that, so we're switching it up.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I'm re-switching it.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, no one wants to hear that, so we're switching it up.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I'm re-switching it.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Okay, titles changing, episodes changing I know you like to switch things up.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: The whole app and everything started because of that oh my gosh.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Anyways, we're gonna title this the four h's of marriage the four h's the four h's because I just saw this I can't take credit for.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I can't take credit for this.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I can't take credit for this.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I just saw this on a post and it made me giggle and I was like that is the perfect way to go about what we want to talk about.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: You piqued my interest.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of what the four H's will be, but I'm sure you'll tell me.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So I'm pretty sure that the higher drive spouse is going to love the last one.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: But I'm not going to tell you what they are until we get there.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I'll be essentially listening to this podcast, okay.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, welcome to our podcast.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: We're going to jump right in.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Let's do it, and.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Nick is so excited to talk about the basics, so I'm going to let him talk about the basics during this episode.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I try and spice up those basics a little bit.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I got to know what the basics are first, Well, they're probably exactly what you wanted to talk about, but we're going to spice.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: We're going to have to spice up this episode just a little bit.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: We don't want anyone bored.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I can totally talk about that stuff, if it's what I think you're insinuating.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the women are going to love this one.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Let me jump back real quick.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: We always talk about how strong emotional intimacy needs to come before you're going to have great sexual intimacy.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Right, like that is what we talk about.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: That is what we are trying to help couples with right you want to go ahead?
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, and that's true, is what we talk about.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: That is what we are trying to help couples with right.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: You want to go ahead?
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, and that's totally accurate.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: You're not going to have a good sex life if you don't have the emotion and most the high drive spouses are like I want to have more sex and the other spouse is like, well, I need more love, right?
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Like that is kind of the gist of all the things that we hear and so the back and forth the back and forth, that game that is played right.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So this I I don't know.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to get feedback on this episode.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I think it'll be good.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So the first one I want to jump into is the first h letter, which is help.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Now we have to take this just for a minute and have a conversation on it, because every time we post anything on social media that has the word help, like when we say husbands, if you help your wife do this or you help with this, the wives freak out.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Triggered.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Triggered big time and they're like he's not helping me, it's his job, right?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I get that.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I get that Like I know it's his job, right, I get that.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I get that like I know it's his job too.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: It's not your job to do the dishes or your job to take care of the kids.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: But when we say, when we say, when he helps you, well, aren't you helping him?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: With things too like I, that's what I don't understand and I'm like I, I kind of get both sides but like help shouldn't be a triggering word.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: We're helping each other in this life.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: We're helping each other in marriage.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: We're helping each other with a family.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: What's a better word that could be used, I mean.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Help is a great word.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: It's serving right and yeah, I mean, regardless of what you call it, it's the action of what you're doing the action of what you're doing.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: So here we are.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: We signed up for marriage to serve each other, right?
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I?
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I hope so, like that's kind of yeah I think we just some people jump into marriage thinking their needs are going to be met and they're not going to have to do equal share of that.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: But that's not how marriage works.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: If you haven't figured that out, you help me be a better man.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: How dare you say that?
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: you help me be a better woman.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: How dare you say that I'm?
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: not me be a better woman.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: How dare you say that I'm not triggered by that, so I think I love the word help.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: The first word is help, and the reason this word is so great is because it can come to emotional support.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: It can have to do with problem solving, it can have it could do with daily responsibilities around the house or just in life and the word help really is a good word, because it's a great word.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: You like you are in control of yourself, I'm in control of myself, but we help each other with different things, right?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Right right so still individuals, I guess.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I guess, when it comes to this word, if it's really triggering to you and you're like he shouldn't be helping me, he should just be doing those things, like maybe step back and realize why does that word bother you and what things do you do?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: That quote help him, right?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: So maybe, if we look at that term as we help each other, how can I help you with this today?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: How can I help you with dinner?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I think it all comes down to attitude, right?
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, who cares what the word means?
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: it's, like you said, more of an attitude they're trying to help you with something and maybe they don't know what you need and you need to talk about it instead of being like you're not helping me, this is your job, like I would love your help.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I would love you to do that.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you for offering and just changing your attitude.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I think that just attitude is everything right agreed right so here are some questions that you can ask each other in this category to kind of create more emotional intimacy.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: So how can we as a couple do better at dividing household responsibilities without feeling like one person is doing more?
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: How?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: What are some effective ways to provide emotional support when your spouse is stressed out or upset?
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Or if you're asking your spouse when I'm stressed or upset or when you are, how do we, how do we fix this and how can we ensure that both of us are feeling equally supported in our marriage?
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: And I would like to add to that, if maybe to have that conversation around the word help why, why does that word bother us and how can we be more helpful and look at that as serving each other?
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: yeah, and I think it's just as simple as having that communication right, right, like if you're getting upset or triggered or or you know because of the word help or things like that.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Like, just have those right discussions and talk about it absolutely, absolutely okay.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: We're jumping on to the next one because I know we've done lots of episodes on how to like split the household responsibilities for better intimacy and all that, so I don't really want to dive into that, every relationship's gonna look different.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Absolutely stay at home, look different working mom, like there's just so many situations, this is gonna look different like we both work from home and work together, so so ours is going to look totally different than someone that has a husband that's commuting and gone all day, or a stressful job and tired Right.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're saying this isn't a stressful job, oh this is beyond Like I'm talking like hard labor kind of job, like you're physically exhausted.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: With the emails we get.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: This is totally.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: It's more mentally exhausting.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Mentally, okay, um, diving into the next one, we ready the next one is well, sorry, I reordered that first one wrong, like these are supposed to be questions.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: You ask your spouse to help with better emotional and sexual intimacy right, so the first one would have been help.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: But how can I help you?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: How can I be of more help to you?
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: How can I help in our marriage?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Like being able to use that phrase.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the next one is going to be do you need a hug?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: H word hug Do you need a hug?
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Uh, yeah, I'm glad you asked.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, I always need.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I don't think.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Hold on, let's pause it.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Um, why do you think this is so important to ask your spouse Do you need a hug Instead of, like, always trying to fix the problem?
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Or let's talk about it, like sometimes it's nice to like with our teenagers?
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I look at our kids and the best advice I ever got was, like sometimes you just need to listen and shut up as a parent.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: They just need to be able to come to you and talk, without you trying to fix everything.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I and I.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: That really works for me, because sometimes I catch myself and I'm like, instead of trying to give parenting advice, I just give my kids a hug.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Come here, let me just give you a sweet hug for a minute.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: You just need some embrace and that may sound like a lame thing, like oh, give them a hug, but I think that it's the small things that are very powerful.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Like just going up and hugging your spouse and holding them for a few seconds is like it's comforting, it's reassuring, it lets you know how much they care about you.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Like we don't always need to be speaking words.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: A lot of times it's it's our actions that are even more powerful than the words, and I like the word hug, but I like the word more.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I had to leave it with the h word so it would go along with our podcast, but I like the word embrace even more yeah like your spouse really needs just sometimes for you to just kind of chill and just embrace if you're going with the h theme, just do a huge embrace huge embrace or even just hold, like it's a non-sexual physical touch.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Right like I need you to just hug me, I need you to hold me, I need you to just just embrace me.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I just need that physical support right now right instead of you trying to fix stuff yeah, and even like when you're making love.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: When you're making love, what do you do?
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: You typically are like holding and embracing each other and being close and and hopefully yes.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, nick had to throw that in there.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just saying.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying that like it's a very embracing each other and hugging each other is a very intimate thing.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Right, it's a good thing Right.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: We should all do more of it.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: So I think the really important part of this one is that it's not always about trying to fix your spouse.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: It's not always you have to go into deep conversations.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's good to just hug and embrace each other and give that emotional support in that way.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah Right.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Agreed.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: So.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: So a couple conversations or questions you can ask your spouse to really help with.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: This one are how can we maintain physical affection even when we're both really busy or really tired?
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: What are some creative ways to incorporate more hugs and touches into our daily life, like non-sex, non-sexual touch, and how can we express physical affection in ways that feels natural and genuine?
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: And a great big hug is the perfect solution to those.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: But those are great questions to ask each other.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: If you're not big huggers, like, what else can you do in your marriage?
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Sure, yeah, totally agree.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Right, you have nothing to add.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: No, I think that's, I think that's so true, like I I don't know Like when we embrace and hug and have a long hug, like it's awesome, it really is.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to jump to the next one, and the H word is hear.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I hear ya.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I hear ya.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I hear ya, that's exactly it, I hear ya.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: This one again is come on, men, stay with me here.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: We're getting there because I I think they know what the fourth one's gonna be I don't know, hear us but we're stuck on the third still here.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Women want to be heard.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Women want, I think, men do too.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: I think this is equal yeah right.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Whether it's like I need more of this, like you need more sexual intimacy, or I need more romance, or whatever, it is like you have to hear each other.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I need more help.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: I need more of this, you know yeah, I totally agree, and we as men maybe don't do as good a job as we should.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Right we are hearing, or like lit, like really listening, yeah, like really listening.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes it's kind of surface level and I'm not really listening to how you feel and I need to do a better job of that sometimes I think it could go both ways.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm always good at that either.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: They always say husbands have more selective hearing because there's all these jokes and quotes about like you say it and they'll never remember it.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I believe that because I'm like, I feel like women can be the same way, especially with, like, all the distractions in the world.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the times in our marriages, with cell phones and technology, we're half listening a lot of the times and that does not help anything and it's not because we have a problem hearing it.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: I think you hit it right on is the distractions.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: If we have a hard time listening to our spouse, it's probably because we're distracted with something else.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Right, we're in the middle of something, listening to something, watching something, something's on our mind, um, but, like you said, it's really important to just listen and hear and and fully understand what they're saying and maybe not even on your phone.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: But if you're not mentally like in a good place, you're probably like women are totally.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: This is where I feel like women might struggle with this.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: More is like they've got all this stuff on their minds so when their husband comes to him with something like, they're still like we're multitaskers, so we're still thinking about other things sometimes, and so we can have selective hearing too.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: So it goes both ways the hearing and listening, and this comes down to conversation.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Like I think hearing and listening is like such a big piece of communication oh, hearing and listening is just as important as talking, probably the most important, probably right.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So I think in this point it's like okay, how do I get to a point in our marriage where we're hearing each other better, where we're being more present, where we're really listening and like caring about?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: what our spouse is saying.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Notice this.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's just take if we were talking and I'm not listening to you, right, I'm not hearing you and paying attention.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Then when I try to communicate to you, you're gonna do the same thing and not hear or listen to me.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: So if you're really listening and hearing your spouse, they're gonna be more likely to listen and hear you.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: And then you're gonna have those deep conversations when Amy and I have some of our best conversations, we're both like fully engaged, really listening to each other, absolutely.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: When we're not, when it's more surface level and it's quick and like, oh, did you hear me?
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Or this, and that she's a lot less likely to listen to me as well too, right, I think, yeah, yeah, it works together.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I wanted to add too that, um, sometimes my kids get mad and they'll be like you weren't even listening to me.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like you just walked in the room, I was in the middle of something on my phone, because a lot of my work is on my phone, and you just started talking and I wasn't done, and then you get mad at me because I was in the middle of something, because you tried to tell me something.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: My point is and that happens with our spouses too my point is is like if you really have something important to say, walk in and if they're distracted, be like hey, when you're done with your phone or when you're done doing whatever you're doing, could you listen to me?
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I have something to say just for a couple minutes.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Like I'd really like you to hear me instead of like getting mad at them that they were already distracted.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Like I get accused of that a lot in our family.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: I'm just like you guys.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: You can't walk in when I'm in the middle of something, start talking to me and then get mad at me that I wasn't hearing.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Tell me you have something important to say, ask me to put my phone down, or tell me like, like, if it's important to you.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: It's important to me.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Like that to you.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: It's important to me.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I like that's 100 a factor say hey, I really need to hear you, I really need you to hear me.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: Um, can you give me a minute, yeah, or let me know when you're ready to be fully engaged absolutely, and that's not an insult.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: That's a good way to be like.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: This is important.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I could you just let me know as soon as you're done, so we could have a good discussion on this yeah, absolutely, and that I think that's a big that could really help.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: So some questions that you can ask your spouse when it comes to hearing is what are some effective ways to actively listen to your spouse without interrupting or getting defensive?
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Ask your spouse like what does that look like to you?
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: How can we ensure that both of us feel heard during disagreements and discussions, and what are some strategies we can use to communicate our needs and feelings more clearly to each other?
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: That's the key so those three questions.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: If you're having an issue with hearing and that is affecting your intimacy, or emotional intimacy, I don't know.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: So that's a great discussion to go on and when amy says if you're having a hard time hearing, she doesn't mean um, if you have to go get hearing aids or your hearing is maybe you need that too, I don't know.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I think you're saying, if you're having a hard time hearing meaning being focused right, being focused, really being present and engaged.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: Just wanted to clarify that Okay, I'm glad you clarified that.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I'm sure there are a lot of people out there saying I need to go get my hearing checked because I have a hard time hearing my wife or husband.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, wife or husband?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, that might need to be done too, depending on age.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, the next one that you're all have been waiting for.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I hate this word, I don't like this word what is the word?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And I got.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I told you I got this from a post.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: It was it's hump yeah, I don't like.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: I hate the word hump.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: It just went with the h's, so I am going to change that word and we're going to call it being intimate.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Being intimate, which we always talk about, right, it?
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Just, it was the four.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: H's.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like that word, I don't like the word hump at all, but it goes along with it and we're going to dive down into why, once again, why sexual intimacy is so important.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: But you'll see that that sexual intimacy comes at the end of this list.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Right, it was number four.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: It wasn't number one.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: It was actually after you've listened to your spouse.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: It was after you've given non-sexual touch, Like you know what I mean.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: So for so many of you out there that are maybe frustrated sexually, I think if you simply listened to your spouse and were more engaged to your spouse and was were more engaged with your spouse and had those meaningful conversations, they're going to be a lot more likely to want to be intimate with you.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I know, I know it's not going to change for everyone, but I would say for most couples like that's, what your spouse wants is to be more connected that way, and if you're connecting that way, you, you they're probably going to want to connect with you, uh, intimately it's amazing how many women actually reach out to us and they're like if I had a husband that I felt wanted to be emotionally connected to me, like I would actually prioritize being intimate yeah I would actually prioritize that.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: It's like it's almost like a lot of them say their sex driver, their libido is low.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Is it's almost like a lot of them say their sex driver, their libido is?
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Low, it's tied, it's tied to the lack of emotional intimacy, and a lot of husbands are still not getting that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like why would I want to be into him if he's not like emotionally into me right?
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Intimacy Into me, see, right Like seeing their soul, their person, getting pursuing them, keep dating them, keep just being a present spouse and wanting to be connected spiritually and emotionally to your, to your spouse yeah anyways.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: So, um, a few questions that might help in this category is how can we keep our sex life exciting and avoid falling into a routine, what are some ways to communicate openly about our sexual desires and boundaries, and how can emotional intimacy impact our physical intimacy, or how is it right now right, and how can we nurture both of those areas?
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: because they both have to be nurtured so when people reach out to us and a lot of husbands and say that hey, my wife just doesn't want anything to do, intimately, or somehow, or some husbands, yeah, yeah the first question we always ask is well, have you talked to him?
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Obviously, and well, no, I don't want to talk to him about that, it's too hard.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Or are you having date nights?
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: And the reason why date night fits in so perfectly with this is because that, again, that's how you fell in love.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: When you're dating each other, you're having those conversations, you're hearing each other, you're you know I it's amazing how many couples stop doing date night and stop connecting that way and then wonder why they're not connecting the other way oh, absolutely, so absolutely if you're, if you're out there and you don't have the intimacy that you want, I would say if you just have date nights, because naturally, if you have date nights, hopefully you're talking right, you're not going to be on your phone ignoring each other.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you're going to be talking and having good conversations don't take your phone, yeah yeah, we've talked about take your talk about that before how we look around the restaurant.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: We just laugh and we're like 90 of the people are glued to their phones not saying a word to each other.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Right, you're missing the whole point of being out together.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Literally.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Literally missing the whole point, like you're that addicted to the game or sports game or your social media that you have to be Focus on each other when you're with each other, and then you can do that later.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Which comes back to what we talked about in a previous episode, just barely about pursuing your spouse Like.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: This is where we are all so alike, us women.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: We want to be pursued.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, we still want the flowers to come.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: We still want to feel a little bit of romance.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: We still want to be felt like you're putting time and energy into us, like that we're a priority to you, right?
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I think so yeah.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: That's what most women they want that.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: That's what the emotional connection is right.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: But the husbands want the exact same thing.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: They want to be pursued sexually.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: They want to be pursued by being initiated, by being desired, like, felt like they're still desired in the relationship, like we're not that different.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know we say this often but wives, you want to change your husband completely?
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Just initiate with him, Like it really does.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: It's amazing what it will do when I give him confidence and make him happy and just like the feel like the luckiest guy in the world and this is where it gets tricky, because sometimes when that has not been a priority, like the sexual intimacy piece, and all of a sudden that's thrown back in, husbands can completely turn around and be like so emotionally connected all of a sudden.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So, although we are always saying emotional intimacy first, sometimes, if you just throw that little hey, I want to be intimate with you.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I don't want to just have sex with you, I want to be intimate with you.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: All of a sudden they feel loved and all of a sudden they're throwing back their love.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: It's sudden they're throwing backs of love.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly, full circle.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: It's amazing.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: It's amazing how that simple gesture can completely change things like I've noticed days where it's been a few days and like I can tell nick's just like not even having a hard day, because we don't really show that.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I can kind of feel it and then I'm like, hey, do you want to have naked movie night tonight?
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: And we'll cuddle up naked and he's like wait, what, what?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: You just made my day and the green is like as big as can be that's, and I'm pretty sure every man feels like that yeah, every man.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Totally true, she's, she's speaking the truth, hallelujah so, anyways, that's what I got that's a good podcast episode, did you?
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: have any little extras you were going to add before I changed the topic on you no, I, I didn't.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I thought that was, I thought that was perfect, you covered all the aspects the date night and the pursuing is super important.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I like that you brought that up.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I think it's essential again, like the very first thing, if your marriage isn't where you want it to be, we can almost promise you you're probably not having date nights together.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: And again that just people don't realize how important date night is.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: That's again.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: That's how you fell in love.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Why would you stop doing what caused you to fall in love?
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: And then you completely stopped doing and expect to continuously be falling in love, or I don't know.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: That's what's so crazy to me is like people think, oh, I can, now that I'm married and now that we have kids, we can just put our marriage on autopilot and we'll get the passion back when the kids move out, like the marriage is going to die.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Like it's just like a flower or a plant or something Like.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: You're constantly taking care of it and watering.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: It's no different with marriage.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: And we will be the first to admit that many years in our marriage we did not do that we did not do date night and our marriage suffered from it.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: So we are speaking from experience.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: We were one of those couples that completely stopped doing date night and now that's why we're just preaching it like crazy.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, if you've listened to us for a while, you know, but we prioritize date night over everything.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Like very seldom does anything get in the way of date night, and if it does, then we move our date night to another night, absolutely.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: We are like 100% committed and it really helps our marriage.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: I believe that one thing alone, having date night and connecting that way, is a massive contributing factor to having a good marriage.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: So a quick little recap um, help your spouse, hug your spouse, hear your spouse I'm skipping the last one, I'm calling it go make love to your spouse, because I hate that word anyways.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Um, yeah, yeah, we have some amazing products to strengthen both your emotional oh you gotta pump that up and your sex.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: We have some amazing products that are gonna completely transform your sexual intimacy.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: If, seriously, like I don't, I I don't know you guys hear us all the time but if, if you are a woman, maybe you should be speaking for this, because I'm not a woman.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Why don't you keep speaking for me If you are a woman?
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: I've heard that this is the most amazing product ever.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, the reviews that we get that come in are like crazy.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: They're really good.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It's like I won't say what they are, but trust us if you want to make sexual intimacy more enjoyable I don't really know which product you're talking about, because I can say there's about four products in their shop that I would give five stars to every single one of them oh, absolutely that is like a must need have in every marriage well, and they all have, they're all have different uh purposes, so to speak.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Right, right, that's what I mean.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Like you, have to have all four because they're different purposes.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Anyways, we've got amazing products and you said pump it up, so I'm gonna pump up our new product.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: It's coming out in a couple weeks.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna announce it yet, but stay tuned because we've been working really hard on it.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Remember, we hand design, create design, create in-house.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I'm a graphic designer.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: All of our card decks were created by us.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: We test them in-house.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Everything is in-house and we really appreciate your support.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: The new product that's coming out was also put together by us and it's going to be amazing.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I'm excited about it.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I hope it's the best seller for Christmas and we don't promote anything that we don't personally use.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Love.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: So, as you've probably seen, so, anyways yeah, we hope you enjoyed this podcast episode and we appreciate all of your feedback.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: We love hearing from you and we appreciate your support as well.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: So thank you for listening and until next time.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: We hope all of you enjoy, or hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship and enjoy.