Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1029 - What's My Age Again?

Transcript

#1029 - What's My Age Again? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, kids in primary school, they don't need a smartphone.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Don't give it to them. Just don't. And if you have,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: you can actually take it back. It's okay. They'll have
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: a big dummy spit, they'll be so cranky, tolways out
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: of the kind of dummy spit, but you can take
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: it off them.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 3: So I'm taking over the podcast today. I can tell
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  Speaker 3: because recently I saw you on the Today Show and
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: you were talking about a topic that's pretty hot for
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  Speaker 3: a lot of parents, and I thought that I'm going
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  Speaker 3: to try.
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  Speaker 2: And do what they did. I love that you're taking over.
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  Speaker 3: So most parents want to know what the right age
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  Speaker 3: is for their kids to do certain things. So I thought,
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  Speaker 3: we're going to talk about it today. Okay, what's the
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  Speaker 3: right age to leave our kids at home? I'llone yep,
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  Speaker 3: to receive a mobile phone, huh. To have a sleepover yep,
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  Speaker 3: or go to a sleepover probably is more important. Boyfriend
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: girlfriends status? How young is too young?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Yep?
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  Speaker 3: And then there's notion of going to school on their
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  Speaker 3: own and then lucky last, when are they old enough
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  Speaker 3: to go to the shops on their own or maybe
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: even walk or ride their bike to school.
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  Speaker 2: So I don't know how we're going to do all
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  Speaker 2: of this in one podcast. We're going to have to
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: be tight and I can't help but think that you're
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: going to have some strong opinions about some of the
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: things that I've got to say. Okay, because we go
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: we haven't always agreed on these things. Where do you
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: want to start? Which one?
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  Speaker 3: Well, let's staying at home.
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  Speaker 2: Staying at home? Okay, there's plenty of.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Parents who both work full time. What happens when your
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: kid's sick and they're not sick enough that they need
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  Speaker 3: a nurse to nurse them the whole way through the day,
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  Speaker 3: but they're not well enough to be at school?
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  Speaker 2: Sure, or you just want to run down to the
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  Speaker 2: chops and grab something. So there's actually legislation around this
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  Speaker 2: in Queensland. If you leave a child who's under the
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  Speaker 2: age of twelve years of age for an unreasonable amount
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  Speaker 2: of time without supervision and care, you have a television
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  Speaker 2: supervision No it's not. You have committed a criminal offense.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: But legislation only in Queensland. Yeah, only in Queensland where
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  Speaker 2: we've got that age stipulated underswell, but it's pretty loosey goosey.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, how much time is unreasonable?
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  Speaker 3: Is it ten minutes?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah? It all depends on the circumstances. If you're dropping
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  Speaker 2: in next door to borrow a cup of sugar from
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  Speaker 2: the neighbor, then you're probably aren't going to be five minutes.
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  Speaker 2: But even if you get caught up in one of
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: those wonderful nahborly conversations, you say it's going to be five,
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  Speaker 2: it is. There for twenty minutes. You're within a screams
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  Speaker 2: distance of the house, you'll hear if anything went wrong,
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  Speaker 2: and you can usually get home. So if you've left
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: your four year old in the bath, if you're.
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  Speaker 3: Just at the neighbor's house, if you really left the kids.
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  Speaker 2: Alone, well, if you've left you four year old on
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  Speaker 2: the bath, then absolutely have like that would be completely inappropriate.
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  Speaker 2: So that's in Queensland. Else for in Australia, the legislation
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  Speaker 2: is even more loose, and what it basically says is
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  Speaker 2: that you're legally obliged to make sure that your child
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  Speaker 2: is safe and that their needs are met, and you
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  Speaker 2: can be charged if your child is left in a
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  Speaker 2: dangerous situation or not fed or clothed or provided with accommodation.
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  Speaker 2: But I think you'll probably agree with me on this,
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  Speaker 2: and that is that if you're going to leave you
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  Speaker 2: kids alone, you need to consider a whole lot of things.
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  Speaker 2: Number one, how old is my child? And how long
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  Speaker 2: am I going to be gone? And how far am
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  Speaker 2: I going? And how safe is my neighborhood and what
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  Speaker 2: time of day is it? And what's my child doing
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  Speaker 2: while I'm gone?
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  Speaker 3: And what's the contingency plan if something went wrong?
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  Speaker 2: And this is actually my big one, and it's the
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  Speaker 2: one that most parents don't think about. Let's say you
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  Speaker 2: leaving two or three of the kids at home. You've
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  Speaker 2: got a thirteen year old and a seven year old
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  Speaker 2: and a four year old and they have a fight.
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  Speaker 2: What happens when they have this big blow up and
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  Speaker 2: somebody ends up getting hurt if there's no adult there
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  Speaker 2: to supervise. That's really ugly, and kids do fight, or
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  Speaker 2: what happens if they're not doing anything wrong at all,
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  Speaker 2: but they decide that they're going to have a swim
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  Speaker 2: Because you're only going to be ten minutes, but you
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  Speaker 2: did get caught up, and you get home and they're
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  Speaker 2: in the swimming pool, and let's hope that nothing goes wrong. Well,
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  Speaker 2: what happens if they're just chopping up an orange or
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  Speaker 2: an apple and they slice through their hand, or they
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: are goofing off and having fun with sheets and cushions
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  Speaker 2: and pillows building a cubby house and one of them
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  Speaker 2: accidentally falls down the stairwell and bangs their head and
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  Speaker 2: ends up unconscious. I know that sounds terrifying, and it
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  Speaker 2: might sound like it's completely overdone, as if but if
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  Speaker 2: we haven't taught the kids what to do in case
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  Speaker 2: something happens on parental guidance, someone bangs on the door
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  Speaker 2: and says, hi, I'm here with a parcel. Do the
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  Speaker 2: kids know what to do about making noise responding to
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  Speaker 2: somebody at the front door. These are the kinds of
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  Speaker 2: things that I think matter much more than some of
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  Speaker 2: the other things. And of course, never leave your kids
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  Speaker 2: in the bath, or never leave the stove on and
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  Speaker 2: the kids at home alone, those kinds of things matter
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  Speaker 2: as well.
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  Speaker 3: It was quite cute that the other day our thirteen
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  Speaker 3: year old was at home and she heard the doorbell
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  Speaker 3: ring right and went out and realized that it was
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: the mailman. Well, it was actually a delivery guy and
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: he was dropping off some of your books. And she
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  Speaker 3: came back into the house. I must have been in
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  Speaker 3: the bathroom, I think she came back out and she said, Mum,
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  Speaker 3: it's okay, she said, I double checked. It was just
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  Speaker 3: the delivery guy bringing dad's books, so I let him in.
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  Speaker 3: If we hadn't watched parental guidance, it wouldn't have even
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  Speaker 3: been a commonversation. But she'd done the observation. She checked
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  Speaker 3: to make sure everything was safe and knew what was
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  Speaker 3: what she was comfortable dealing with before she let him in.
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  Speaker 3: And I just thought it's great because it's education, right.
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  Speaker 3: It's helping her to recognize what are the parameters I'm
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  Speaker 3: capable of working in before I need to involve somebody else.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, what's the second one?
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  Speaker 3: So how old should our kids be before we give
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  Speaker 3: them a mobile phone?
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  Speaker 2: I hate this question.
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  Speaker 3: I knew you again.
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  Speaker 2: It's the question that I get all the time. All Right,
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  Speaker 2: here's how I'm going to approach this. There are so
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  Speaker 2: many options out there for kids to have the ability
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  Speaker 2: to contact us if they need us without them having
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  Speaker 2: a phone. So what we do is we say, all
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  Speaker 2: the other kids have got one, and if my child
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  Speaker 2: needs me, then they need a phone. So I'm just
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  Speaker 2: going to go on and get them a phone, and
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  Speaker 2: we tend to give them like a hand me down
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  Speaker 2: iPhone or some other kind of smart device. Don't do it.
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  Speaker 2: For as long as you can delay, delay, delay, delay,
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  Speaker 2: Even if a kid is the most unpopular kid at school,
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to say, don't do it. All the research
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  Speaker 2: evidence that I've looked at shows that the younger they
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  Speaker 2: are when they get a smart device, rate of the
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: risk that they are that they're out of experiencing mental
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  Speaker 2: health challenges and all of the associated risks, explicit content,
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  Speaker 2: the bullying, the fights over putting the phone away, going
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  Speaker 2: to bed on time, being sneaky, just it's such a
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  Speaker 2: headache once you let that genie out of the bottle,
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  Speaker 2: once the horse has bolted. I can mix metaphors if
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  Speaker 2: you want, But so I said this all the time.
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  Speaker 2: Kids need smartphones, not smart parents. Sorry, let me say
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  Speaker 2: that again. Kids need smart parents, not smart phones. I
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  Speaker 2: can't believe that I got around the wrong way. Smart
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  Speaker 2: parents give their kids dumb phones. I'm a big fan
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  Speaker 2: of the Space Talk watch for kids in primary school.
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  Speaker 2: They don't need a smartphone. Don't give it to them,
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  Speaker 2: just don't. And if you have, you can actually take
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  Speaker 2: it back. It's okay. They'll have a big dummy spit,
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  Speaker 2: they'll be so cranky, toys out of the cot kind
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  Speaker 2: of dummy spit, but you can take it off them.
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  Speaker 2: The other thing that I would say is that once
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  Speaker 2: they have one, you've really got to be clear on
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  Speaker 2: the parameters. So our general guidance and advice has always been,
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  Speaker 2: and what we've tried to do in our home with
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  Speaker 2: reasonable success, is you don't get a smartphone till you
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  Speaker 2: can pay for it yourself so you can go out
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  Speaker 2: and buy it. We have loosened up a little bit
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  Speaker 2: with our younger children, and I'm regretting it and trying
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  Speaker 2: to find ways that we can work our way around it.
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  Speaker 2: The great challenge, of course, is kids come home from
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  Speaker 2: school with devices now as well. The school supplies the
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  Speaker 2: computer or the iPad or the laptop or whatever is
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  Speaker 2: going on, so there's a lay of complication around that.
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  Speaker 2: But I still think minimizing their access to screens is
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  Speaker 2: fantastic delayed as much as you can. When they can
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  Speaker 2: pay for it, they can have one.
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  Speaker 3: I think for a lot of parents, giving their child
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  Speaker 3: a mobile phone is actually a convenience for them. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: it's so much better to be able to contact your
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  Speaker 3: child when you want them in the moment.
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  Speaker 2: But that's why I'm saying the space talk watch will
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  Speaker 2: do the job.
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  Speaker 3: Then having to wait our thirteen year old, she doesn't
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  Speaker 3: actually have a mobile phone, and I needed her to
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: go and get some groceries from the shop. Our shop's
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  Speaker 3: only eight hundred meters down the road. She gets on
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  Speaker 3: her little bike and she rides down.
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  Speaker 2: And she loves the independence of doing it, like she
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  Speaker 2: really looks forward to it.
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  Speaker 3: But she'd only just left when I remembered I hadn't
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  Speaker 3: put an extra thing on the way through this.
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  Speaker 2: Did you let her come home? And then you set
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  Speaker 2: her back? I had to because I couldn't call her.
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  Speaker 2: So she walked in the.
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  Speaker 3: Door and I said, I'm so grateful that you did that.
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  Speaker 3: Guess what And she looked at me and she said,
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  Speaker 3: you forgot something else, didn't you. And I'm like, yep,
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  Speaker 3: And I can't cook dinner until you get it.
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  Speaker 2: See, I don't think that's a bad thing. I actually
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  Speaker 2: don't think that's a bad thing, she said.
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  Speaker 3: For a moment, it was like, damn it. If she
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  Speaker 3: had a mobile phone, i'd be you know, I could
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  Speaker 3: have got her and she could have done it all
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  Speaker 3: in one go. But she loves, like you said, loves
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  Speaker 3: the independence. And at the end of the day, it
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  Speaker 3: just meant dinner was an extra half an hour late.
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  Speaker 3: It didn't make any difference. So I'm really grateful that,
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  Speaker 3: in spite of the challenge from time to time that
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: we're trying really hard to kind of just hold her
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  Speaker 3: back as long as we can.
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  Speaker 2: If only she didn't have a school computer. Okay, we're
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: running out of time. We've got a handful more that
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  Speaker 2: you wanted to come out.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I want to know how young is too
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  Speaker 3: young for a boyfriend girlfriend relationship?
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  Speaker 2: So we talked about this recent on the Happy Families podcast.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: It was Tuesday, the first of August. It was episode
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: eight one six twin Relationships. How young is Too Young?
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  Speaker 2: We went into a lot of detail on this one,
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  Speaker 2: but it is one of those things that comes up
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  Speaker 2: all the time. The first thing I'm going to say
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  Speaker 2: is it's a pet peeve of mine. I know that
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  Speaker 2: other people won't feel as strongly about this as I do,
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  Speaker 2: but I don't think that it's in anybody's best interest
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: for us to be making doing the match making, pairing
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  Speaker 2: kids up and being all romantic about it when they're
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: four and five and six. I just don't think that
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: that's in anyone's best interest. Just let the kids be kids.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: They will start to show an interest though, or around
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: about grade three, grade four, grade five, and our job
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  Speaker 2: then is to talk to them about what a healthy
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: relationship is and find out what they mean when they're
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: talking about boyfriend and girlfriend. I really, really, really don't
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  Speaker 2: think that we should be encouraging those little romances at all,
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  Speaker 2: and I would be doing everything that I could to
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  Speaker 2: minimize that even when they get older, though. I mean,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: we've actually said to our children, I'm opening up the
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: hidden cupboard here and letting you right under the hood.
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  Speaker 2: Sorry mixed metaphor there, but you know what I mean.
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  Speaker 2: We've actually said to our kids, don't have a boyfriend,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: don't have a romantic interest until you finished high school.
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  Speaker 2: And that's been really hard for them to get their
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: head around, and they've not liked what we've said. But
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  Speaker 2: our thinking is there is going to be interest, but
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: don't get too serious. What happens is if there is
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: any harm done, you have to go to school every
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: single day and see that person. And in relationships with teenagers,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: especially in our pornified culture today, there are many many men,
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: and with the expectation that things are going to escalate physically,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: there will be harm done in many, many, many relationships,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: and then you've got to somehow process that and show
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: up the next day at school and the next week
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: and the next month and function and concentrate and learn.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: And it's not just that, it's also the reputational harm,
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: especially if there's any image based abuse or sharing that's
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: been going on. Everybody knows, everybody's seen, and just the.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Social challenges that are associated with it. You know, when
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: you yeah, friendship groups, things break up all of a sudden, Oh,
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: I can't hang out with that group anymore. Or your
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: friends feel torn because they want to hang out with them,
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: but they want to be loyal to you, and.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I went pretty extreme. You've just talked about the
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: basic stuff it interfares, and for the younger years, that's
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: going to be the bigger issue. Right grade seven, grade eight,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: grade nine. Then you get into the more senior years
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: and you encounter those big challenges. I would I think
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: a frank conversation with the kids about this stuff will
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: go a long way and discourage the relationships until they're
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: old enough to process them and manage them and navigate
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: them healthily. What about sleepovers, Oh gosh, most controversial topic
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: that we can talk about, and I don't think we've
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: got the time to do it properly. If I was
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: to put an age on it, I would say the
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: older the better, and I wouldn't encourage it. Be low
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: about the age of ten. No matter how well you
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: think you know, you just never do. You and I
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: both have heard so many stories from devastated parents whose
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: children have been harmed one way or another at a sleepover.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just bullying and stupidity because kids don't know
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: how to handle themselves once they're tired and it's eleven
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: o'clock at nine or two o'clock in the morning. But
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: other times it's genuinely horrible harm. Okay, So if the
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: kids are going to have a sleep over, here's what
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I would say. Know who's in the house. Know who's
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: in the house, because if they've got visitors, if they've
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: got an uncle who's staying, or a mate who's just
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: come into town and just staying for a couple of nights.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: You just need to know who's there, and you want
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: to know the people absolutely, unquestionably, And I know that
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I'm picking on men here, but unfortunately the research is
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: abundantly clear that men are the most likely ones to
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: hurt our kids. So is there a big brother and
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: how big and is that kid going to have any
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: access to where your kids are hanging out and doing
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: their thing?
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  Speaker 3: And maybe it's not physical harm.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's exposure to something explicit on the internet, conversations
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: that they're not supposed to be having, there's all those
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: kinds of things. You need to know the family well.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: But I'm going to say this controversially and provocatively, don't
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: trust your guart because that's what pedophies rely on. They
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: build relationships to make you trust them. You think, oh,
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: they're fine. Don't actually trust your guard I think that
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: you've got to ask some hard questions when you drop
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: the kids off, like especially the first time. Like once
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: you've developed a relationship, maybe you can ease off on this,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: but you need to ask what supervision is there going
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: to be? Are there any visitors, are there any odder siblings?
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Is alcohol going to be available? Now? Obviously with young kids,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: that's not going to be an issue for the kids,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: but are any of the parents going to be drinking?
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Because you need to know that there's at least one
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: sober parent. If the kids are all having a whole
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: lot of fun and the parents think that they're going
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: to have a few as well, if the child gets injured,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: who's going to take them to the hospital? Like what
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: can we do to make sure that the kids are safe?
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: That's my whole thing. And the last thing I'll say
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: on this is you've got to teach your child what
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: to do if a situation feels lousy, if they're feeling
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: threat and if they're feeling uncomfortable, if they're feeling unsure,
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: can they leave the room when the computer screen comes out?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Do they know how to say no, that's not cool
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: when somebody's being picked on or if there's any sense
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: of threat, do they know how to go to the
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: bathroom and send you a quick text message even if
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: they're using a space talk watch, Like, do they know
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: how to do that? And then you've got to make
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: sure that you're available to respond.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: There's only been a handful of times where our kids
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: have actually reached out to us while they've been with
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: other people and have felt like they needed to come home.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: They didn't feel comfortable, not necessarily unsafe, just not comfortable
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: with what was going on. But they also didn't want
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: to be seen to be ringing mummy to come and
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: pick them up. And so we have always acknowledged to
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: them that we're happy to be the bad guy. And
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: so in those instances, the kids have literally just sent
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: us an emoji that has helped us to recognize that
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: we need to call them and ask them to come home.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: And so we've made a phone call and said, look,
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: it's really late and I need some help. First thing
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: in the morning, can you you know, I know you
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: were hoping to spend time with your friends, but can
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: you come home? And they've been like, yes, that's fine,
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: and then say to their friends, Oh, this is so bad.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: I can't believe my parents are doing this, but I
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: have to go home.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, blame the parents.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: And so we've been really happy to play that role
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: for them to enable them to save face with their friends.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: But also help them to feel comfortable knowing that they
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: can come to us. Just is so important? Yeah, yeah,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: it's so important.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Now we're almost at we are out of time? Are
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: there anymore? Have we covered it all off?
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: When do you let your kids walk to school or
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: go to the shops.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: As early as possible? As early as possible, As early
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: as possible, But but you do need to take the
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: circumstances into account, like how many big roads are there,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: how far is the distance, what time of the day
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: is it. Have they done it before? Can they go
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: with an older sibling or a friend. You want to
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: make sure that you're keeping them safe. But I just
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: think as early as possible. I like the idea of
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: them being able to do it with a friend or
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: with a sibling from about the age of nine, eight
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: or nine, depending again on how far it is and
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: what time of day it is and all those questions.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: And I like the idea of them being able to
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: do it on their own from about eleven or twelve.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: I just think we ask so much of our children
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: emotionally in an unfair way, little of them physically that
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: they're capable of. And that's what I would love to
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: see do you want to push back? Are you mad
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: at me for saying that? Have I gone too young? No?
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: I think we need to know our kids. And like
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: you said, there's so many variables around it. But if
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: you feel like you're in a safe environment, you've got
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: a great neighborhood, and your kids are going to listen
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: to each other, that's the big thing.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: They go for it. Yeah, yeah, okay, I've got one.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: We don't have time for it, but I've got one
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: for you. But you did not know is coming. How
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: old do the kids need to before they can get
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: their ears pierced?
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: I'll see in my I'm going to say in my house.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: In our house, the rule has always been that I
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: would wait until they asked. Yeah, so it's been different
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: for each of them. Okay, number one she decided it's
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: seven she wanted to, and our last one she was
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: like really really excited about doing it at about seven,
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: and then I told her it was going to hurt,
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: and I just explained to her what it would be like.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: She said, yeah, actually, no, I don't feel like doing that.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: So she waited until she was nine. So for me,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: it really I don't care what age. I don't have
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: a problem with it at all, but I'm not going
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: to inflict paying on my child unnecessarily. They will make
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: the decision, and they will understand and know how it's
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: going to go, what it's going to feel like, and
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: then they can make their own mind up.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rowlin from
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Hey, we
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: really hope that we've given you some food for thought.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: If you agree with this, that's great. If you don't,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: we want to hear from you. Podcasts at Happy families
• 17:28
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• 17:31
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• 17:35
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• 17:37
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• 17:40
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• 17:43
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• 17:46
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