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Meet J.A Asbill · Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!!

• Peter: Hello welcome to another exciting episode of Pete for anxiety. My guest today is an attorney that just released a brand new book titled The Life Raph Surviving the Tidal Waves of the Bipolar. The life rafts of bipolar. Please welcome in the one the only J.A. Aspill. J.A. how you doing today? Pete: Ever wish you had someone to talk to anytime, anywhere, matter what you're going through? Meet PsychPAL, your 24-7 AI companion, designed to help you process your thoughts, calm your mind, and keep you moving forward. Chat anytime during a panic attack on a restless night or just when you need to vent. Prefer talking instead of typing? Try voice journaling. PsychPAL listens, transcribes, and truly understands. You can even upload screenshots of tough conversations, and it'll help you unpack how they made you feel. PsychPAL keeps life organized, too. J.A. Asbill: I'm doing fantastic, how are you today? Peter: Not too bad. So why don't you tell me a little more about yourself and then we'll get into the book itself. J.A. Asbill: Okay, well, I'm a career attorney for over 10 years. I still practice, but ⁓ I turned 40 this year. And in my early thirties, I had bipolar onset into a manic episode and it took about two years to diagnose and another two years to get the right medication. And so my book is about my journey and basically fighting that battle and coming to terms with the mental illness, but more so also coming to terms with the stigma. peter: Show ⁓ Pete: It can add appointments to your calendar, track your mood, and even summarize your sessions for your therapist so you'll never lose progress. Plus, built-in crisis resources are always just one click away. It's a privacy-first, constantly evolving, made to complement your professional care, not replace it. Ready to try it out? Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too. J.A. Asbill: and actually coming public with letting people know that I'm an attorney with bipolar. Peter: When you came out, did a lot of people, what was their general reaction like, you know? Because a lot of people hear bipolar and they don't really understand it. J.A. Asbill: I didn't understand it going in. I thought it was a totally different illness than what it is. And once I actually started finding out symptoms, there's so much more to this illness and many more nuances to it than just ups and downs. There's medications that impact it and there's a lot to do with the chemical imbalance and how you react to different things and what medicines are receptive and not receptive and the addictions and impulses and different things that go with this illness and risky behavior. all day above. so, ⁓ and it's something that I think people will misunderstand. I think people do not have a good grasp on. But the other thing is myself, when I was going through it, I thought I was going through something that no one else could relate to. And I was very isolated and felt very alone. And then publicizing this book and then talking to other people and being fortunate enough to hear their stories, I'm learning that it is very prevalent. And that a lot of people do not speak about it, but they do have family members or friends where they themselves are actually battling bipolar. Peter: Yeah, but you know, that's it's weird though, because a lot of people don't know what they're going through. A lot of times that's how it starts. A lot of people aren't sure what they're dealing with and like how things go. And you know, and they're like, I'm wondering, they're not sure what it's all. It's just maybe nothing. You know what mean? For a lot of people, they don't understand. But then when you go and find it, figure out exactly what it is, and then you find out that you're not the only person, it's more it's reassuring because it's like now I don't feel so alone. And you know, when I started this show, that was the idea was to to get people to talk more about their mental health and things like that. People know there's other people out there, regardless of what walk of life they're in, that deal with these same things. And you being an attorney, that's great. Because people now understand that, hey, listen, there's an attorney out there that has it. People don't feel so alone when you go start hearing everybody else's stories and things like that. And it's almost like you're rebuilding a whole new community, essentially, because it's like, hey, listen, I understand this. This person understands, too. So if I'm experiencing these things, I know I can go talk to this person about it because they understand it. you know, like you have you have you done the same that I've done lately, you know, learning that you can tell when certain people have no idea what you're telling them, but other people that get it, you know. J.A. Asbill: Absolutely, you can tell. ⁓ You know, I still get looks. I finally, I had ⁓ doctors tell me I should use, I had a chocolate lab for 10 and a half years. And he is in the book predominantly. He's on the cover of the book. His name's Hank. And Hank was my partner in crime. Love of my life is what I like to say. And he helped me through a lot. But for many years, I had a doctor tell me, you you should probably, you know, you should think about the service dog. And I wouldn't do it just because of the stigma. Peter: Yeah. Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: But when I lost Hank and going through that battle I found him his like and decided to write this book which was not When I started to write this book it was through a Suggestion about my therapist and it was for me personally and then it just kind of evolved into what it did very quickly ⁓ and so ⁓ That did end up coming forward and I used my service dog Tanner now and so a lot of times Tanner is the ⁓ The conversation started with a lot of people, you know, a lot of people, even though, you know, it's frowned upon maybe to ask people why you have a service dog, you know, otherwise I look healthy. So, you know, it's very common for me to get asked, are you training the dog or is the dog for you? And so it's, it's given me the great benefit of telling people, you know, this is my service dog. This is why I have a service dog and this is how he helps me. And ⁓ the best part about the book is people don't have to Peter: Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: Speak to someone directly and have that confrontation and personal Convance of their secret and feel like they're vulnerable in that way They can pick up a book in their private time and no one knows they're reading it or getting that help through the book and that's what I like the best about the book approach is that you know a lot of times I believe people don't buy the book directly when they see me maybe in a book signing or something a lot of times I see people Peter: Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: take pictures of the cover or something. And I think they later on maybe buy it through the outlets that are, it's available. Peter: Yeah, you know, that's interesting too, though. But I think it's really great when people ask questions, though, because a lot of times I think that's where we fail as a society. We don't ask enough questions. Like, we're not curious enough. you know, people get... And then on the other side, a lot of people are like, well, I'm like, get a lot of questions. But you have to understand they're asking you because they want to know, you know, generally a lot of people want to know more about why it is you have the animal or what... you what's the purpose of the service dog, you know, and things like that, too, you know, and dogs are really intelligent, too. That's the thing about it. A lot of people understand they can sense a lot of things like I had a German Shepherd, she could tell my blood sugar was high. She'd come near me and I'd know like she'd be right on top of me. I know something's not right because she could sense it before I knew it, you know, and it's really interesting, you know. But it's like you said, it's a great conversation. Because like when you talk to people, all these things, like you get mixed reactions. Like I tell people I do. And some people like they give me weird looks. And I feel like, oh, OK, it's interesting. And it's always different because a lot of people, like either they don't want to talk about it, or you find out that other people have a lot of things they didn't tell anybody about. Or people tend to come and tell me a lot of things. Well, hey, listen, I have these things I deal with. And it's funny because all of them that come up to me are like, hey, well, I've never told anybody this before. I'm going to tell you, though. And I'm like, These could be completely stranger too, because I work in a customer service setting at night. So these people that come in the middle of the night will come tell me these things. I've had a couple of them come and be like, well, I've never told anybody this. But you're telling this random stranger. J.A. Asbill: That is exactly right. And I have that happen. And I think the part that I was scared to death as an attorney coming forward and saying, you know, like in all honesty with the stigma, who wants to come in, so to speak, get advice from the crazy attorney, you know, like, you know, that that I was really worried about. ⁓ And I think rightfully so, I think in some regard, it has changed the way I'm looked at by certain people within my community. But for the most part, I get a lot of a lot of support, a lot of encouragement. Peter: Yeah. Yeah. J.A. Asbill: And a lot of people, good people behind me. And I think when I meet strangers and they find out, Hey, this person has bipolar and they're struggling. And I am, I would say as much as I do struggle with it, I do have a higher functioning bipolar because they were able to figure out the right chemical balance for me. And so that helped me and be able to talk to people. And they know that as an attorney, you know, I know about confidence and I know about talking to people and keeping things private. Peter: Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: and they feel safe in that space. And I have a lot more people tell me things that, like you said, they'll tell me stories that they've never told other people or never discussed with other people or don't speak outside of that situation. Peter: Yeah, you know, it's it's always interesting, though, that people like. But if you think about it, though, you coming out and saying these things out loud, it's showing you who your people are, you know, because these people are drawn to you now. Well, this and hey, she gets it. So like, I'm sure you get some interesting cases, though, now that that's come out, though. People like, hey, listen, she gets it. So let me go talk to her now, because she'll understand my situation better than most people do. And we've had a lawyer on here that specialized in mental health law. ⁓ He's practicing in Florida right now, but he was telling me some interesting stories there too about how you could just vanish into the system completely and no one ever knows. And I was like, it's just crazy. I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, you could just disappear into the system completely because they have all these, and we were discussing some of the rules and things like that too. So what state do you practice in, if you don't mind me asking? I practice in Florida. Okay. J.A. Asbill: It's true. I practiced in Georgia and I used to practice family law and then went into real estate. ⁓ And I kind of evolved from there and more transactional law. And so in family law, I saw a lot, ⁓ a lot of a lot. Let's just put it that way. Family law is a very diverse area and you see everything from the worst situations to the best amicable divorces. And, ⁓ you know, that taught me a lot about life in a very short period of time. Peter: Yeah. J.A. Asbill: because my first year out of law school, I worked for the public defender and my hometown circuit and I did lower case felonies, child dependency actions and misdemeanors, pro-depraved court, magic decords. So a lot of lower things like nothing too serious. Mainly the felonies that I dealt with were drug felonies or a simple assault or simple battery. And I got recruited by Peter: Okay Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: A high school friend of mine worked for a local attorney and needed someone in family law. And she knew I had a family law background from working for an attorney during law school. And they asked me to come there. And that was the town I graduated high school in. So hence it was a bigger town, if that can be said about a small town, Georgia. And so I went there and I ended up evolving from different law firms. I talked through, I lead the reader through those experiences and how each one. Peter: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. J.A. Asbill: The thing that I realized took away the most from my book is two things First and foremost looking back over my life when I started writing the story. I saw the symptoms were there from the very beginning ⁓ And I never realized that's what it was. I thought those weren't my personality traits I thought everybody thought like that. I thought that was just normal. ⁓ And then the second thing is learning My normal is not normal, you know Peter: Yeah. Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: And that was something kind of hard to accept because Trying to now learn through therapy and other things and I'm a big supporter of therapy because I think it does help to talk to someone and I you know having the right therapist and having someone to coach you on the different things that are available because there's so many resources that are out there and before actually agreeing to therapy I was one of those people that would have been like I would have saw myself as I'm not that, I'm not weak enough to need that, you know? Like, I don't, but now actually going through it, I see it as such a benefit for things that it's done for me. Peter: Yeah. Yeah, so let's talk about the title of the book. How did you come up with the life raft, surviving the tidal waves of bipolar? Look, I think it's a great title, J.A. Asbill: I came up with that because That was actually the fact when I sat down and wrote the book this first thing I wrote I knew the title and a lot of times people Say they know the book and then they have a trouble naming the book I wrote the title before I ever wrote the first word of the book because to me That's what I feel like my life is I'm just holding on sometimes to whatever whatever foundation I can and for a long time when I was Peter: Yeah. J.A. Asbill: Living by myself and going through a lot of this that was that was my chocolate lab He was that life raft and then as I opened up and let people in I had you know a pastor that was there for me friends and some community ⁓ and then a lot of times it was my family was a big support and so having that community behind you, but when you are manic your tendency is to isolate yourself from most people and so I Peter: Yeah. Yeah. J.A. Asbill: I was isolating myself to the point where the only object that I was allowing in was my dog, so to speak. So, and it is a tidal wave, you know, it's just ups and downs and it is one minute you feel invincible and you think you can conquer the world and the next minute you feel just in such a dark place and ashamed because you wake up for a temporary period and come out of this fog and... Peter: Yeah. J.A. Asbill: then you don't remember what you did when you were invincible. so it's just a constant up and down. And so to me that seemed more like being on, it wasn't quite like a roller coaster ride because in that regard, you kind of come to a stop and start at some point. Whereas with the tidal waves, they never stop or start. It's constant motion. Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. So since releasing the book, how has your family been taking it? Like the ones that don't know anything. Do all of them really know your story? I mean, I know I know the book probably goes deep into these things. So I know like a lot of things you don't tell people when they read the book and they realize a lot of things you struggle with. What was their general reaction to it? J.A. Asbill: So my parents during that time were trying to help me. They were, and I was pushing them away. ⁓ So they saw it from the outer vision of what was going on, know, forest above the tree view of what was happening. My mom and dad were not going to read the book, obviously, just because of what was in it ⁓ for long time. Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah. J.A. Asbill: It hurt them too much to kind of read it. But ⁓ my mom worked in the field of ⁓ being a paralegal and educated. So she has a business background. So she's ⁓ very articulate and very well versed with grammar. So when I had to do my final proofreading, asked her if she would read that. And she did that. And that's when she read it. And she read it in one afternoon. And she likes to tell people. Peter: ⁓ okay. Mm-hmm. You gave it to her. J.A. Asbill: I knew what was gonna happen and it still had me hooked, you know? And so, but my dad, he's not gonna read it. ⁓ My sister did read it. She was more upset that she found out things in the book about me that I never told anyone and she, not even her. And I think that was really hard for her to come to terms with, but, and she doesn't read books at all. Peter: Yeah. But so, so Jay, let me ask really fast. So touching on what your sister said, why was she so mad though? mean, she had to understand that the aspect of like you, you yourself didn't understand what was going on. So like, how is it that you're going to tell somebody else about these things that you don't even understand yourself? You know what mean? Does she a little more understanding after getting through the whole thing or is she just kind of like at first like, man, like the first initial reaction is like, man, you know, like, why didn't you tell me these kinds of things, you know? J.A. Asbill: Yeah, that was, it's been very hard for her to kind of rectify that, that, that, ⁓ you know, conflict because in her mind, she's the older sister wants to take care of me. I wasn't allowing her to do that. And at the same time she's hurt that I didn't tell her these things and she could have done something in her mind. And so I think it's taken her some learning about mental health and learning some other things to kind of. Peter: Yeah. J.A. Asbill: come to terms with realizing it. And the one thing I do put in the book that my dad did tell my ⁓ family when the book and different things were coming out, my illness was getting diagnosed and treated, is the difference between what I have and being sick with any other illness is this isn't like the flu where you get the flu and then you get better after taking medicine. This is an illness that I'll have the rest of my life and that I'll struggle with every day. Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. J.A. Asbill: And so I think my sister's finally learning that ⁓ and going through her own life experiences that is she has learned that that is the way bipolar is. And so I think it's been a great thing for her. And then for my brother, ⁓ he he ⁓ he read it through his girlfriend. ⁓ She read the book and then told him about it. So I still don't think he has an accurate understanding of what the book has. But then my nephew's ⁓ they're not old enough. And so I told them they're not allowed to read it yet. So I'm one's 19 and one turned 16 and I have some younger nephews and nieces for my brother and they're not even teenagers yet. So I'm like, none of you are allowed to read this yet. So I have a very small. Peter: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I think the teenagers maybe only because I'm thinking that, you know, if we start teaching them now about these things, we can have them, they get a better outcome. Maybe they can start seeing some signs themselves. like I have a I have a kind of thing where I'm thinking, like, you know, we need to start emotionally regulating some of these kids at a younger age. What age is I'm really not sure. That's really not I'm not an expert in that kind of thing. I just think that if we start having some form of a conversation, there is a woman I met through TikTok, actually. She's a kid. teacher out of California, she was teaching the kids using colors, like, hey, these are the colors I'm feeling right now. And you're kind of assigning feelings to a color, you know, just to get them a little more, you know what mean? So I think that, you know, I get it though, because you don't want them to know too much because they won't really understand a lot of the dialogue of what's going on. But do you have open conversations with the younger ones about it little bit, you know, start teaching them a little more now that you know more, you know, because I think that if we start teaching them now. their outcome in the future for them is going to look a little bit better because they'll know how to identify things a little bit better for most people. And maybe we can start getting ahead of these things and helping these guys sooner. And then we wouldn't have such like crazy numbers like we have now because what is it? I looked at a meme the other day, 177,000 suicides already in 2026. And it's just like, we're only a few months in and already this is, the number is already like staggeringly big, you know? And I think if we start having conversations with these younger individuals, You know, we obviously get somebody in that knows that they're kind of better related to them and just kind of like start scaling it to start teaching a little more emotional regulation. Maybe we can start fighting this number because 10 to 14 is actually on the uprise for young gentlemen that are that are committing suicide at the young age. And it's just, you know, it's it's crazy, though, to just see the number. And you're just like, damn, all right, one hundred seventy seven thousand already. And like what percentage of those are males? We don't know, you know, because by the end of the year, predominantly, it's mostly males. you know, because we know how men think versus, you know, how women think kind of thing, you know, and it's, think having conversation with the younger ones, but I do agree. I don't think any of them should be reading it just yet because they're really not going to understand it. Maybe when they get to like 26, somewhere in that range where the brains are fully developed, maybe then let them read the story and get them a little more idea of what it is and then talk to them about it. But, you know, just having an open conversation with them at a young age, I think is a great idea though. J.A. Asbill: My older nephew, who's 19, is his first year in college and he and I talked very openly. We've always had a great relationship in that regard. know, sometimes I have to remind him I'm not his uncle because he likes to tell me things that are more uncle based. But it's just funny. But he and I have a great relationship and ⁓ I'm very thankful for that because I know that if he needs a safe space, we've been able to talk. I talk to him not just about mental health. Peter: Yeah. J.A. Asbill: that he needs to do, but we talk about life goals and you know, I also am the first to tell him, you know, if you're ever arrested, who do you call? You know, things like that. So we have those conversations too. Peter: Mm-hmm. I'm gonna send me I'm gonna need your number there in case you get some trouble. Hey listen, gotta call my attorney, okay? All right, that's awesome. J.A. Asbill: That's exactly right. And then my younger nephew, he's on the spectrum for autism, but he is high functioning. He's very gifted when it comes to music and ⁓ very gifted when it comes to ⁓ video games. And so like those his mind just clicks in that regard. And so when I have conversations with him, we talk about it from a different framework, because he takes things so literally. But he has a great understanding that ⁓ Peter: Okay. Okay. ⁓ okay. Yeah. J.A. Asbill: through his eyes that he see me and I was just sick and he thinks I'm better now. Peter: You know, it's interesting though for him being on the spectrum because now you get the perspective of what he's seeing it from and you get a better understanding of what some of these individuals on the spectrum look at it from because they think in a different mindset like you were saying, you know, I think it's a great example though is that, you know, like he sees things differently, but you had me at music. I was like, music, all right. Now it's all right. Hey, listen, and him, have to have a conversation one day about that. love music. I'm a huge music guy. J.A. Asbill: He couldn't tell me about a band called Dream Theater. okay, I thought it was a brand new like band. No, he goes, that's a 40 year old band. It's from last century. And I'm like, my bad. ⁓ Yeah, he's a drummer. And he's the first to tell you that he does something and he's like that because he's a drummer and it's best thing. ⁓ Peter: Mm-hmm. ⁓ no. ⁓ yeah, Dream Theater, yeah, they're known for those extensive long like instrumental solos and things. Yeah, God, yes. ⁓ okay. That's so interesting though, he's into Dream Theater and things like that too, because you like you figure in newer he'd be into. J.A. Asbill: Everything from music theater. Yeah, instrumental music, dream theater. He likes learning ACDC because he knows my dad likes ACDC. He's a global, know, and so, and then through fighters. So he has, he definitely has the ear. And a lot of times he doesn't know how to read music. He just, he listens to it and learns how to play it. ⁓ And that's what's really interesting to me is that he does have that gift. Peter: Okay. Okay, okay. All right, he's got good taste. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know, I had a friend in college. He could do that, too. He could listen to it. But he was a guitarist, though. He could listen to it and then start playing on the guitar and figure out how to get the how to sync it up. And it was really cool to watch him do it, though, you know, in different things like that, too. So it was very interesting to see how he could just hear the song and then start picking up. And his his taste in music was more punk rock, you know, like like anti flag Pennywise ⁓ less than Jake, you know, things like that is what he would listen to. So it's interesting to hear the different. You know, he's listening to band like Dream Theater that, God, they were around when I was in high school. don't know. We're the same age, mind you. We're in the same age range. So like, man, like, it's crazy to hear. But it's like it's interesting to hear because, you know, he's listening to different things, you know, and then the different drummers and the food fighters is great, too. Dave Brahl is really great. But the different things he's like, at least he's listening to different styles and kind of developing his own thing as he goes. J.A. Asbill: ⁓ that is his absolute- Yeah, the big thing that he had this year, which has come a long way because when he first started band, you know, they have a percussion, they have like the bells and the chimes and his percussion at his band of his high school. And then he's progressed to the drums. And then this past Christmas concert, he got to do the drum solo for All I Want for Christmas. And that was like the highlight of the show. And I'll never forget after the show, I went down the hall just to say bye to him because I had to leave early. Peter: Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: And when I did, I gave him a hug and got a picture with him. And one of his classmates didn't know who I was. And they go, ⁓ she had to get a picture with a drummer. I let him have his cool moment with his friends and then got out of there. Peter: You know, he's going to be like the guy from, you ever seen the movie The Rocker? Remember the one where the guy had, you know, that's going to be him though, except for, you know, he's going to have the influence on somebody, you know, like, has he thought about starting his own band at all too? Is he interested in that? J.A. Asbill: Yes. ⁓ He is really into marching band. Like he loved marching band. He did marching band for school. He lettered ⁓ and he actually, his father went to Georgia Tech and so he really wants to go play marching band at Georgia Tech. Peter: Okay. Hell yeah. That'd be dope. That'd be pretty cool to hear though. We'll have to keep in touch after this though. Let me know if does, because that'd be something cool to see. Hell yeah. That's really cool, because Drumline was such an interesting movie when it came out. People didn't realize how serious people took it in the end of it, where they had that big ⁓ show and everything. They do a lot of that stuff. It's crazy how much stuff you can get into with that. J.A. Asbill: Yes! And actually asked him the other day, go, have you not seen the movie Drumline? He goes, I don't know what movie you're talking about. And I'm like, you know, okay, Netflix didn't find it. Like, I don't know where it is, but find the movie. Yeah. As my, or as he says, you know, just search it up, you know, search it up. Peter: It's somewhere out there. I'm sure you can find it somewhere, man. If you just search on the internet these days, there's so many different apps these days. God. Google it, yeah, just Google it. Come on, Auntie, Auntie, just Google it. And I'm like, OK, all right, yeah, all right, such a little shit. And it's funny, too, because you can Google me. I was like, somebody and I were interviewing one day. hey, Pete, did you know you can Google yourself? And I'm like, I can Google myself? And it's so weird, because I Google myself. I'm told the other time, OK, you can just Google me. And I'm like, really? I'm like, yeah, listen. I write to them chat GPS. They're like, No, you're not. like, search up the name of the show and watch how it pops up and like get the hell out of here. It's on there. And it's so cool to do that to people. like, yeah, you can Google me. Like literally now I can tell you to Google me like we used to tell people. Well, Google me. You know, but that's so cool, though. He, you know, he's doing those things. And I love I love people that are high functioning because a lot of times, you know, these guys are smart. They're so smart, the things they can do. It's like they're if anything, they're smarter than most people. They're almost genius level. You know I'm saying? Like that level of, you know, genius and things they can do. J.A. Asbill: ⁓ that's. Peter: And a lot of people always look down on people that always had some kind of disability. But really me, ⁓ what I've learned from the people I've met, and a lot of them, there's a young gentleman I knew. He could tell you every capital in the world of any country. You spin a globe and point, and he could do it. It's crazy. J.A. Asbill: There's a comedian that does that. Are you talking about the comedian? There's that comedian that learned all the capitals of all the countries so he could pick up women. And when he does his standup, he does his crowd work. This is, that's my like, outlet is comedy. That's how I, yeah, I watch a lot of comedy. And there's a comedian that talks about learning all the capitals to all the countries in the world. Peter: I've not heard that one yet, but no. This is the young man I met. I love comedy, yeah. J.A. Asbill: and how he used it as his pick-up line for women. And he does crowd work where he has people name random countries and he names the capitals. Peter: That's so cool. I haven't seen that one yet, but I love comedy though. Nate Jackson is one of the ones I've been recently watching. My lady friend, she was telling me to check out. ⁓ J.A. Asbill: He's from Washington. He's from near I went to Seattle University for law school. He's out area. Peter: Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love, you know what? I love Kill Tony. I always, I've been telling people I want to go to Kill Tony. Like I was telling them this joke about this fruit incident I had, you know, and I was telling people like, I'm working on my Kill Tony set for one day. Cause I'm in the, I'm in the Dallas fourth area and it's in Austin. And I'm like, man, I'm going to go do that one day. I don't care how bad it get embarrassed. I'm just going to go do it one time. You know, just because I love comedy. Cause like I grew up with like, you know, J.A. Asbill: It's not the same weather. Peter: We grew up with Robin Williams, and we had all of them greats. Now these guys these days, like Matt ⁓ Rife's really great. And then I can't think of the other guy, the little skinny gay dude. I can't think what his name is now. There you go. That guy, I would kill to have that guy come on here and talk to me. He was fucking great. He's great. J.A. Asbill: Now, watch this. Yes, he's so fun. He came to Macon, which is about two hours south of me. So was going to be really hard for me to get there and get everything arranged because it was the time frame. I wasn't able to make it to his show, but I'm really hoping he comes back soon. Peter: Yeah. He probably will. Honestly, he probably will. He was here in this area, too. And I missed him last year around December. I wanted to go see him. And he had come through and I was going to get a sign. I was really going to bring a sign that says, hey, you want to be on my podcast to see what he says. And I want to sit like front row because I'm just ready to get roasted. And like, just come on and roast me, dude. I'm like, I'm letting him and then Nate Jackson. I want to get a sign and get somebody like a T-shirt says, hey, Nate, roast me or something, because I'd love it, dude. It'd be so much great to just sit there and get picked on by Nate Jackson for an hour. I'd love it, dude. J.A. Asbill: Thank you. He he. I absolutely agree. And then I actually had the privilege and honor of meeting Josh Wolf last week. He came out in the mission and I got to meet him and got to talk to him and be able to thank him for, you know, the, the comedic relief he provided me. And you know, he was such a genuine guy. Um, I was, I was really impressed with him. It's, know, sometimes, you know, you hear the stories about meeting the people, they don't, you know, live up to it. Yeah. He was what I imagined. Peter: Okay, okay, really? That's awesome. Yeah, don't meet your heroes, that saying goes. think, know, Jay, I think what it is is how you meet your heroes because you think a lot of these people run up to them and just like crowd their space instead of respectfully coming up to them, you know, it's different. think how you approach them for a lot of things like that, too. You know, and there's a guy we had on the show season one, Dave Mowry and I were talking about that. We and him were making jokes about that the whole time. But that was just us, you know, because Dave was taking his own mental journey. and turning into a comedy act for people. So he'd make jokes about, you know, like being suicidal and all these other things. And, know, for a whole hour, we had a we had a freaking blast. We were just sitting there going around talking about it. But he teaches people how to how to deal with their mental health that way. Like as a come on and teach these individuals the art of comedy and, know, in things like that and how to, know, how to turn you in. Like if he's like, if you can't make fun of yourself, like what are you doing? If you can't make jokes about it, you know, it is what it is. This is what you deal with kind of thing, you know. And people do it in different ways. you said, comedy helps. I love comedy though. Like I love seeing him. My favorites were like Ralph E. May. Unfortunately, no, he's no longer here and things like that too. And Matt Matthews was the other one too. He cracks me the hell up. Every time you see his thing, he's just like the shitty size. I'm like, dude, this guy would be a blast to hang out with. J.A. Asbill: I'm sorry. His resume is insane, like for the things he's done in his life, like how he came to be a comedian. And I went to see ⁓ Mateo, ⁓ and he was really funny because I didn't know, I mean, he's a ⁓ multilingual, was in a chef at a five star restaurant or something like that. I mean, he's so diverse of an individual and then does his comed- Peter: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: His stand up just brings all those, all those parts to it. It's really, really cool. Peter: Yeah, no, I agree. love it. It's great. Like these guys these days, like, you know, we grew up the greats, man, and now we got these guys now. So it's like we got it. We compare a lot of them together and the things that, you know, we we were experiencing until now. And it's like comedy has changed a lot to the way they do things now. You know, like we had Robin Williams. We God. We even had Jamie Foxx. Remember, Jamie Foxx used to stand up. That was crazy. Him. Tommy Davidson used to do it. You know, and you had like the Deaf Comedy Jam, it was a really big scene for a while, In Living Color. We had all the sketch comedies and things like that too. So we were, we were blessed all that. You know, we had Jim Carrey doing sketch comedy with people on, you In Living Color. Like we grow. J.A. Asbill: And the S &L is totally different during our era than it is now, I think. Peter: Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. Show some of these kids these things. They're like, yeah, okay, that's not funny anymore. This is more funny. It's like J.A. Asbill: Yeah, they don't speak English and it's like, no, that's actually really funny. Peter: This is where it came from. What do you mean? If these guys didn't do it, then we would never be where the hell we're at now. Andrew Dice Clay would insult a lot of people. They think it's hilarious. And they're like, oh, this is great. Yeah. And he's totally serious. like, yeah, well, you know. But those are my favorite, though. I love those videos. You're strolling through YouTube or TikTok or something. come across the comedians, and they're standing up there, and they're in the intimate setting. Dave Chappelle did it, too. He did that intimate setting where he was living in the middle of the room, and you're sitting there hanging out. and he's talking to people. It's so cool to see when they do those kind of things because like, you know, it's one of those things where like Dave Chappelle is influential to us because like I remember when you said that high pitched voice and now his voice is a lot deeper than what it was before, but it was like that was your go to, you know, whatever you need to laugh, you could just flip on, you know, and now with Netflix and everything else, you have so much access to everything now. J.A. Asbill: ⁓ yeah, I've watched everything. love Leanne Morgan, Kristen Kee, Fortune Feimster, like all of them. you know, I just watch, I have my certain group that I like a lot, but I do watch just different ones all the time. Just constantly trying to, you know, see what's out there, especially in that benefit of Netflix and the internet is how many of those little skits and reels pop up now. Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, and it's been fun. It's great to see where it's going. So, Jay, we're at the part of the interview where I told you that beforehand we're going to ask you two questions. So here comes the first question I've been asking all my guests. ⁓ So the question to you is if your mental health had a song, what would you say that song would be? This was a great question, mind you. We've had some very interesting answers come through on this one now. J.A. Asbill: You know the song, I think it's Matchbox 20. I'm just a little unwell right now. You can't tell that song. I sing that song to myself over and over. I'm not crazy. I'm just a little unwell. Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, I know that song very well. Matchbox 20. Yeah, I remember Matchbox J.A. Asbill: That song is the song that comes to my mind because I sing to myself, I'm not crazy. And then just keep going with that one lyric. Peter: He's just like, yeah, you know, and it's like that too for me, like I randomly sing songs, I'll get them stuck in my head because of my anxiety, it'll grasp onto something and it'll just go repeat. And I'll just start singing random songs. So people are like, what are you singing over there? ⁓ you know, just kind of come up with my own thing, you know, like, you know, I work over nights, like I got to keep it interesting for people. like, I'll just, you know, and I'm always the guy listening to you music and things like that, too. We've had a few bands on the show already in the early beginning. I've had a bunch on already. J.A. Asbill: Exactly. Peter: You know, we had Bryce from Pretty Suspect. I've had Lucy the North from the band called Haunter. She was on too. We found out she had BPD. You know, so it was great to hear some of their perspectives on a lot of things when it came to music and things like that too. And stuff like that. that's, the Backstrap X20 is actually the first time it's been mentioned so far since this question was asked. We've gotten rage against the machine. I think the doors, it's, what the hell was it? It's raining in my head was one of them. When somebody came up, that was funny. J.A. Asbill: Mm-hmm. Peter: I think what the other one was. Bauer's one was really funny as hell. What was it? It's um, I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I was dying and laughing. I'm like, what the hell is going on with these answers? Like some of these answers, you know, everybody's like, they're like, you know what mean? It cracks me the hell up like when they come in and say those things. Yeah. Yeah. So listen, so if you had to pick your top five bands, who would they be? J.A. Asbill: Yeah. I love that question though. many of music are the way to go for me? ⁓ That's a hard question for- Peter: Ooh, here we go. I'm curious now. J.A. Asbill: ⁓ See, I listen to so much music, the top five bands would be hard because I listen to a lot of different artists. Peter: What are they like your top five repeating bands you usually listen to? Like any of your go-to ones that you've, I know MaxxRx20's gotta be on that list obviously, because of the one song. Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: I'm... I love Fleetwood Mac. ⁓ I do like Fleetwood Mac a lot. like, I guess I can cheat a little bit, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I can say that one. And then I would say... Peter: Yes, see Tom Petty was great too. I love Tom Betty. J.A. Asbill: Matchbox 20 is on there. I do like listen to Matchbox 20. Peter: No, the real question, Jay, would be is in sync or backstreet voice. Now, this is the real defining. This is going to really change how I feel about you right now, OK? J.A. Asbill: I ⁓ in sync for upbeat music, Backstreet Boys for better music. Backstreet Boys, I think, were more artists than Instinct. Instinct was more pop, but I think Instinct was more fun. Backstreet Boys got a little too deep in their emotions for me. Peter: ⁓ come on! Yeah. ⁓ He's like thinking about this like wait a minute hold on what am I gonna answer this question to now I love messing with people when we do that too because we've had that debate before with people I'm like so in secret backstreet boys do I come in randomly ask him sometimes and like and then I give them a hell about I'm like ⁓ hell no you can't be doing that ⁓ no damn it J.A. Asbill: ⁓ yeah, nevermind, nevermind. And like, no, no, I'll stick to my guns. No, I'm pretty down that. But like, I like a lot of ⁓ just the various artists. I listen to ⁓ Toby Mack having a very difficult time. And I like ⁓ Brandy Carlile. I got to be introduced to her when I was out in Washington. And then I really wanna go see Chris Stapleton. I love his music. Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. J.A. Asbill: You know, I get in the, you know, where I'm just replaying his music a lot sometimes. And so there's just, there's a few like that. And I like, I like Jelly Roll just because of his story. I think what he, what he did with his life, I think people that see it hear that story, but they can't really understand the, the true, see it. Peter: Yeah. Yeah. I think he puts in perspective for people though, for the people that don't understand addictions and things like that too, like how he explains it to everybody. You know, like he says, like a lot of them are sober, light up a room, know, like most sober addicts are light up a room a lot of times, you know, and it's like, I think people tend to forget that, you know. J.A. Asbill: It's happened. Peter: They don't really know a lot about that kind of stuff too and then know always get people I always have comments and so but I love Jelly Roll. MGK is on my list. I like I love him too like his story is very interesting. He's a very socially awkward person though like you've heard him interview with several people. It's funny because some of them he's just like he's really shut off and things like that. I find him to a very interesting person like I'd love to have him come on sometime him or Jelly Roll definitely be one of my top two. You know, just because I'm interested for me, like like I like a lot of rocks like Papa Roach is on my list. I really like like a lot of their songs and things like that to stay in was a big one for me like Aaron Lewis. He'd be an interesting person to talk to, like sit down and just kind of pick his brain and ask him certain questions about things like how he came up. A lot of the stuff he did, you know, but that's the great thing about the show. So like I said, I invited a lot of artists to come on. So we've had like lives lost on here. They're a band that focus a lot. A lot of their songs are metal related and things like that as well. you know, and you know, I've got a few other ones that I'm planning getting on to, you know, like, like every every season I pick a new song for it. So like season one was just like a random intro I had. Season two was Is It Me by a band called Let Me Bleed. I got permission from them to their song, which was really great since I told them what exactly what I was doing and what I do and things like that. So it's really great to see the support that they're like, yeah, man, you can use your song. It's cool. You know, because copyright comes in a lot of play with a lot of these things. So this season, you know, this season, it's ⁓ J.A. Asbill: I definitely don't. Peter: One last time by my good friend Note, he does ⁓ like rock pop kind of thing, like rap rock almost kind of thing like that. Like he's done like rap songs and things like that too. then finally, because his background is his dad was a rapper back in the 90s and his mom was like his metal influence. And he kind of does a little mix of everything like that. So mine kind of goes all over the place, back to places. There are some country songs in there, listen to here and there, you know, like, but I it's like I take a lot of things people bring to the table. So like anytime people suggest songs I've never even heard of. Okay, well, let me go listen to that and check it out and things like that. But I keep an eclectic mixture of different things like that. So like my answer to that question was when somebody asked me originally was I couldn't remember what my anxiety song was. It was always Scott Pilgrim versus the world. The intro to that song, that movie where it's like the constant strumming is like my anxiety because that's what it does. Now I picked ⁓ Artificial Suicide by Bad Omens. It's just that constant strumming. J.A. Asbill: That's cool. Peter: that loud noise because that's what it's like when it really goes in full blown and then like depress some songs where turn the light on, talk away the dark by Pop Roach is a really popular one for me because I like the end of the video where it's it's sudden and it's like, you know, if you need help, 988 is there, which I think is a great thing because, you know, 988 is a really big thing that people, lot of people are afraid to call and it's not just suicide hotline and you can call for anything else, any kind of crisis you get into and things like that. My co-host of a side project I do, I'm going to record later today. She actually had to call them recently and they actually followed up with her. So I was like, dad, that's what I love to hear that, that even though, you know, she called them, they're still checking in on them, you know, because everybody likes to say, you know, all these different things about it. But the truth is that it's very helpful if you ever need to talk to somebody, these guys are trained to handle these things, you know, and stuff like that as well. So, and then my other song was, what is it? It was a different kind of pain by cold. And it was one of the later ones. It was the song where the guy wrote the like the 10 minute long song like a meatloaf like song for this guy who had lost one of the fans that lost his mom or something. It was just a real mellow song kind of thing, know, and things like that too. And you know, that kind of stuff and got him all that got him old saying meatloaf, dude. J.A. Asbill: I'll turn. And it's like the the the stereotype to I turn on a lot of pink and Kelly Clarkson. I feel like you can't go wrong. Yeah. I love pink. You know, her music and watching her perform, I think it's just, you know, ingenuity. But Kelly Clarkson, I've liked since day one. I just I find it insane the talent she has. Peter: There you go. Pink was the one I was thinking of too. My ex-wife is big into pink. I like pink a lot. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, you know, like I didn't really like I looked at them look at the lyrics as deep as I did until I met my ex wife, you know, but that was her thing. She's like, do you really look at the words of the songs and think about what they're saying and things like that? You're like put like Bush. You find out what's all about the guys that Gavin's also a lot of his songs are about his drug addiction and coming down to things that was like things are really my childhood man. I like this song, but any. J.A. Asbill: I've had that happen since growing up. You pick up a song, you're like, wait, I was singing about what? You know, like, you don't realize it and then you realize when you're older, you're like, you know, and then like the same thing you'll hear, like I'll hear my nephew sing a song once in a while. And I'm like, you know what that means? And they're like, it's a good song. And I'm like, yeah, maybe we should just choose a different one. No. Peter: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, yes, we've had that conversation before and things like that too, you know, and all that kind of stuff. So before we start wrapping up, Jay, I have one last question for you. And the reason I started this podcast is that if you could break the stigma about mental health, now, anything that you hear people say, things that drive you nuts, what would you say that one thing would be? J.A. Asbill: Just because I'm not normal doesn't mean I have to be treated differently. Peter: I think that's an actually, love that. I'm gonna clip that. I'm gonna use that for definitely gonna be a powerful clip right there. I think what you're saying, it makes a lot of sense because I think a lot of people treat us differently when they find out these things because they don't know, whatever the subject be, survivors of suicide, addictions, overdose, all these things. I think a lot of people tend to do that. So I think that's a powerful statement you just made right there. I love it. So, J.A., with that being said. ⁓ Where can everybody find you? know, what is your best? What social media outlet do you use the most? J.A. Asbill: I am on Instagram probably the most and it actually, I have a sync to a Facebook author page. All of it's under JAS, but I have one for my service dog as well, Tanner's on. And then I have, ⁓ I use those primarily and then I have it linked to TikTok as well. I'm still kind of learning the techie side of things. That was never really my forte. So ⁓ I'm getting there, I'm being tutored by my older nephew. He's very much. Peter: Mm-hmm. You know, that's a funny story because my guest the other day I was talking to said the same thing. She's like, yeah, my I was on another show. called That's Thanks. That's Trauma. have been the host there. We're talking about that. She said that the same thing she said that my my my little nephew is teaching me how to do these different things. And my daughter is teaching me TikTok. And I just laugh every time because I'm like, yeah, it's sad. Like we're used to teaching our parents the same thing like we were. we're playing video games. ⁓ I got to teach you these things. So that makes me laugh about that though, J.A. Asbill: He shows me things you can do with like Instagram videos like I just like like, ⁓ you know a screen to you know, know or something or like flashy images, you know short and he's over here putting like three images of him dancing on the screen and stuff and really really talented with it but then I also have a website JAS bull.com and but ⁓ Peter: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. J.A. Asbill: My book is available anywhere from Barnes & Noble to Amazon. You can order it through my website. You can order it through those links. You can also find it at Target, Walmart. ⁓ It's pretty, pretty available. you, like we were talking about, just Google. Peter: Yeah, awesome. Well, that's awesome. Jay, thank you so much for coming to hang out with me today. I appreciate it. Do you have anything you want to say to everybody for anything, any final statement you have before I start signing this thing off? J.A. Asbill: I like I, ⁓ like my, I started a company and the brand says, you know, survive your tide, ride the life raft, grab one. So just hold on tight. Everybody will get through their tidal waves. Peter: I love it. I love it. And with that being said, guys, we're going to wrap up this episode of Pete First Anxiety. You know what to find me on? Peter's study. I'm on X all the way down to tick tock. I'm in Spotify over down in Pandora radio. And as always say, it costs nothing. Absolutely nothing. Be kind to somebody. One kind act you can do could save someone's life or hell you can make their day. I'm Pete First Anxiety sign out saying don't ask how your day is today. Say hey, how's your mental health?