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What Keeps You Stuck in the Shallows (And How to Break Free) · The Inspired Speaker Network

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  Your travels have brought you to the Surfing Your Edge podcast,
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  where we explore what it takes to create the bigger,
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  bolder, badass life you know you were born for.
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  Not a life that simply looks good on paper,
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  and not another spin on the self-help hamster wheel.
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  If you're ready for more joy, more peace, and more contribution,
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  you're in the right place.
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  I'm Kristine Goad, the Surfing Your Edge coach.
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  Let's get surfing.
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  Hello, and welcome to episode four of Surfing Your Edge.
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  I'm so glad to have you here today.
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  We are talking again about what it means to surf your edge,
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  and the challenges that can get in the way.
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  One of the ways I think about surfing your edge is,
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  for me personally, it's when I'm in over my head
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  and having to figure out something.
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  That's where I really, really thrive.
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  And I know not everybody is in that same boat.
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  They don't always want to have to be hanging on by their fingernails
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  and figuring it out.
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  But if you can be out on the edge of where you're growing,
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  where the growth is happening,
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  and stay there as long as you can,
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  longer than you might want to,
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  longer than feels comfortable,
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  that's what I really mean by surfing your edge.
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  And of course, the reason you want to do that
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  is so that you're always evolving.
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  I figure if you're here, you've got more to do,
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  more to learn, more to be.
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  And the way to do that is to surf your edge
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  and continually try new things.
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  And that's also going to mean failing sometimes.
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  One of the things about this podcast,
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  I started it really, really fast before I was ready.
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  And that's probably obvious.
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  But I just want you to know that I am surfing my edge
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  right along here beside you.
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  I don't claim to have it all figured out.
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  I am just here figuring it out as I go
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  and figuring it out in public.
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  So you can learn from what you see me do.
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  What to do, what not to do, maybe.
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  But today, we want to talk a little bit about
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  what in the world gets in our way of surfing our edges.
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  The last episode, we talked about internal things
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  that get in the way.
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  Today, let's talk about what out in the world
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  slows us down and keeps us from surfing that edge.
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  Okay, the first thing I want to share
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  is that a lot of times we, as middle-aged adults or older,
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  have learned to reality-size our dreams.
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  When we were kids, we could dream anything was possible.
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  And adults seem to encourage that in us, right?
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  But then as we got older, it became more about,
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  oh, that's not realistic.
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  Or, oh, that's not suited for you, honey.
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  Your skills lie over here.
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  You don't want to do this, right?
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  So we start to get steered into a box or a lane.
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  And we tend to learn the rules of that box or that lane.
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  And the world tries to enforce that we stay there.
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  And one part of that I call reality-sizing, right?
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  We don't want to look,
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  we don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves, right?
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  We also don't want to outshine someone else.
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  We don't want to look too proud, right?
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  Like, oh, look at me.
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  And we also don't want to look ungrateful.
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  This one is huge.
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  There are so many women I know who are afraid to think about
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  what a bigger, bolder, more badass life might look like,
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  because they're afraid it makes them look ungrateful
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  for what they've already got.
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  And that's just not the case.
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  You can be super grateful for everything you've got
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  and recognize all the goodness
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  and still know that there's more for you to do,
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  more for you to give, more for you to have.
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  So what we've learned to do is look around
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  and see what everyone else is doing,
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  and then kind of like, well, maybe I could do that,
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  but just put my own little twist on it over here, right?
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  We want to end, or maybe I can't go for this,
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  but maybe if I went for this, that would be acceptable, right?
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  We learn to look around and see what everyone else is doing
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  and then make appropriate goals or visions or dreams.
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  And we don't let ourselves fully explore
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  what is out there for us.
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  And I want to tell you that that is not my goal for you.
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  I really want you to make the impossible goal and go for it.
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  And if you get there, amazing.
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  And if you don't, you're going to end up somewhere incredible,
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  regardless, right?
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  So I will be here on this podcast,
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  always encouraging you to stop reality sizing
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  and to go for the impossible goal.
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  It just, it's more fun, right?
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  The other thing that happens, aside from us, you know,
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  learning to look around and reality size,
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  is that there are people out there who are enforcers
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  that are be like, oh, that's not the way it's done.
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  Look around the industry.
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  That's not the way it's done.
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  Everybody does it this way.
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  You need to do it this way.
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  I was in an organization, my first big job out of college,
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  I was in a social change organization.
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  And when I brought to the management of, you know,
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  my local management, my direct bosses,
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  some of the things I thought we could do to improve
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  as a culture, they're like, oh no,
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  it's always been done this way.
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  We've always done it that way.
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  I went through it.
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  They went through it.
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  Everybody else got through it.
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  Why can't you get through it?
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  The problem is not us, it's you.
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  So even change organizations have a hard time, you know,
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  recognizing that they're enforcing a set standard.
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  So there are all kinds of people out there
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  who are going to tell you, you can't do it that way.
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  It's never been done.
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  Don't do it that way.
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  Oh, and they'll act like they're trying to save you, right?
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  Like, oh honey, that is too hard a road.
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  Don't go there.
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  Don't do it that way.
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  You don't need to go through that kind of pain.
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  So let's just do it the way everybody else has always done it
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  and we'll all stay safe.
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  And then finally, this is another one.
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  Those enforcers are often the people who love us most
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  or the people we love the most.
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  They have gotten used to us being a certain way
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  and that makes us safe for them, right?
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  They know pretty much what to expect
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  and they don't want to have to adapt alongside you.
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  They might be afraid that you're going to get hurt,
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  that you're going to be disappointed,
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  that you're going to lose money or time
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  or whatever it is that is at risk.
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  They're potentially truly afraid for you,
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  but they also, I think, are concerned that
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  when you start looking at yourself
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  and start trying to grow in your way,
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  that you're going to expect them to grow as well or to change
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  and that can be painful
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  and not everyone is willing and able to look at themselves
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  and decide that they want to come along too
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  and they're worried they're going to get left behind.
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  And in some cases, they might leave you
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  before you're able to leave them
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  just proactively to protect themselves.
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  So serving your edge is not for the faint of heart.
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  It is a challenging thing.
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  The world wants us.
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  Much of the world wants us to stay the way we are.
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  So if you are in this boat
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  and you're starting to realize that there are things
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  that you want that it might be hard for you to go get
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  or to try,
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  I want to suggest that there are ways to do it
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  and there are people who will support you.
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  Sometimes it's a matter of finding a new group of friends,
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  a new coach, a new online community,
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  someone who isn't as married to you being who you've always been
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  and who can really help hold that vision of who you might become.
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  The other thing is that you may not know what it is,
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  what your edge is.
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  You may not know what it is that will light you up
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  and you need friends along the way
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  who will help you explore it
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  and give you the opportunity to really feel into
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  what is going to light you up.
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  So that is what I have to say today about the world.
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  And I really do want to just give you a little bit of encouragement
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  that it's totally worth it
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  and I look forward to surfing my edge right alongside you.