Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #16: 5 Ways to be the Best Parent You Can Be

Transcript

#16: 5 Ways to be the Best Parent You Can Be · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: It's The Happy Family's podcast. Hello and welcome. My name's
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: doctor Justin Coulson, and this is the podcast that's dedicated
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: to making your family happier Today. It's all about the
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: relationships that we share with our children. We're looking at
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: ways that we can be the best parent possible. We'll
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: discover five ideas that I've got that could help us
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: to be absolutely fabulous if we could do it all
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: the time. In three minute therapy, I'm going to share
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: a question from a mum who sounds like she probably
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: should be the Mum of the Year. She is being
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: the best parent possible, but she wants to be better.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: You'll understand what I mean when we get to three
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: minute therapy. And I've also got a thought for you
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: from a profoundly insightful author that really gets to the
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: heart of what being a parent is all about, especially
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: this idea of perfect parenting. So that's all coming up
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: in the podcast. First, though, sixty second psychology. We're looking
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: at something that psychologists call conditional positive regard and how
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: well showing conditional positive regard for our kids can impact
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: on their anxiety. We'll find out how in just a
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: sec In case you've missed it. The way sixty second
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: psychology works is that I tell you all about a study.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I've only got sixty seconds to tell you about it
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: before Russell, my producer, buzzes me out with the timer.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Why would we do this, Well, apparently I talk too
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: much and this is the way that Russell gets to
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: keep me on task and on time. So sixty second
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: psychology time starts right now. When parents use conditional regard,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: what they're effectively saying is listen, kids, you'll get my
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: kind positive attention when you do what I like. But
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: when you don't do what I like, I'm going to
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: ignore you or I'm going to get mad at you.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And so when kids are upset or anxious or struggling,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: some parents will use conditional positive regard to try and
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: condition their children to get over it. It's kind of
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: like tough love. Well. This particular study, conducted by researchers
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: from Benguren University in Israel, looked at how this conditional
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: regard from mums influences teens with anxiety. More than two
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: hundred and thirty mother teen pairings were in their mums
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: reported use of conditional regard correlated with teens belief that
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: that's what mums were doing. So the researchers looked at
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: how this conditional regard impacted our anxiety in teens and
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: they found that teenager's anxiety was heightened. They felt more stress,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: more controlled, more pressure to suppress their anxiety, which unsurprisingly
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: doesn't work very well even when mums were trying to
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: be warm in their conditional regarded impacted on the children.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: The researchers suggest that adolescents experience more rather than less difficulty.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I'm having a hard time finishing this in sixty seconds.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: That's three weeks in a row. I haven't made it.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Let me finish that sentence. The researchers suggest that adolescents
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: actually experienced more rather than less difficulty in anxiety when
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: we're conditional towards them, and so they argue that we
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: should be unconditional in our parenting, unconditional in our regard
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: towards our kids. Conditional positive regard is not a good idea.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Our kids need to feel unconditionally loved. That's when they
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: feel secure and safe. Anxiety drops. Okay, up next, we're
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: going to take a look at how we can be
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: more unconditional. We'll investigate five ways that we can be
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: the best parent that we can be.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Everyone wants their family to be happy, but so much
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: gets in the way. Work, stress, commitments, and our children's
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: challenging behavior are some of the usual suspects, and we
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: can all tidy up our parenting style and get clearer
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: about what we'll actually make our family happier. Twenty one
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Days to a Happier Family is the best selling parenting
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: book by doctor Justin Coulson, with answers to both common
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: and complicated parenting problems. Combining cutting edge scientific insights with
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: real examples of family life in the trenches, you'll find
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: dozens of strategies for making your family happier. Twenty one
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Days to a Happier Family available online and from booksellers
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: everywhere and at happy families dot com dot au.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast. I'm doctor Justin Colson. Thanks
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: for joining in. Think of the times that your parenting
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: has been at its best, those times when you were
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: unconditionally there for your children and it felt right. Well,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: when I ask parents to tell me about these times,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: this is what they usually say to me. You know,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I was unconditionally there, I was getting it right when
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: we were having that dinner time conversation, or we were
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: on holidays and we had no agenda, or weekends at
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: the park or at the beach, playing games in the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: lounge room, walking and talking, going for a drive. The
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: last ten minutes each night when I tuck them in
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: and we just chat. It seems that time together, like
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: really focus time, focusing on one another is the most
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: profound and powerful way for us to build strong relationships
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: and for us to feel like great parents. I don't
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: know of any parent that's ever said to me, you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: justin I feel like I was being the best parent
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I could be when I did that overtime that day,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: because I was doing it for the kids. I was
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: getting that extra money for that holiday. We don't feel
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: good when we're staying up late watching movies and then
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: we wake up the next morning and we're lousy, tired,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: cranky parents. Now, getting some me time or providing for
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: the family is important that helps us to be good parents.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: But it seems that we time time together has the
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: potential to bring out the best in us and the
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: best in our kids. So let's have a look at
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: five ways that we can be better parents and also
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: bring out the best in our kids. The first is
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: using strengths. I'll say it really really simply, when we
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: use our strengths, we perform well, we feel good, we
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: feel like we're doing what we're supposed to be doing
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: with our lives and in our parenting. We can use
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: our strengths to be better parents. Similarly, if we can
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: help our kids to use their strengths, they'll be better.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: They'll feel more engaged with life, they'll feel better about life.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: We want to cultivate our strengths and our children's strengths
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: to make our families happier and to be better parents.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Second idea, be grateful. It's pretty simple. Grateful people are happier,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: they have better relationships, they're more optimistic, they're even healthier,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: whether it's at school, or at work or at home.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: If we're grateful, we do better. So, if we want
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: to be the best parents that we can be, let's
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: try being grateful. Grateful for what we've got as parents,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: and grateful for the the things that we can do
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: with our kids. Let me give you an example. Last night,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: as I was tucking in my little twenty two month
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: old baby girl, I looked at her and I was
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: just overcome with how precious she is, how grateful I
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: am for her, and it made me squeeze that a
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: little bit closer and spend that extra couple of minutes
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: with her as she went to bed. It made bedtime nicer,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: It made her feel safer and more secure. She went
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: down an absolute dream because she felt so safe. I'm
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: guessing now we can express our gratitude to our kids
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: with hugs, we can say things, we can drop a
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: note into their lunch box or under their pillow. What
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: this does is builds trust in the relationship, and it
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: makes us better parents, and it teaches our kids to
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: be grateful as well, because we're modeling it. The third
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: thing we can do is to look forward to the future.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: If you're not looking forward to the future, you're probably
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: not going to be very fun to be around.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Fair enough, Sometimes there are things coming up in the
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: future that are not fun. There are things that we
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: are worried about, things that stress us out, things that
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: makes us really really anxious and worried. But if we
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: can look forward with hope, we will be happier. We'll
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: pass that on too our kids. We'll have an optimistic
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: outlook on life, and the research tells us pretty clearly
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: that optimists have more friends, they have better relationships, and
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: they're happier in life than pessimists. Okay, the third sorry,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: the fourth thing that we can do is to be mindful.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: We're simply better parents when we're focused on the here
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: and now, where we are, right where our feet are.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: When our kids want us and we say I'm listening
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: to you, and we look them in the eyes and
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: pay attention, we're better parents. Be here now, be mindful.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Your stress levels will drop, your happiness will increase. Your
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: family life will be better. Your kids will feel loved
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and appreciated. They'll play up less because they know that
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: they've got your attention when they need you. Mindfulness matters.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: And the fifth and final idea, well, be kind. I
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: don't think there's anything that tells our children that we
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: love them and shows that we're invested in our family
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: like being kind. If our children make mistakes, when they
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: challenge us, when they disobey us, even when they disappoint us,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: there are three central reasons, three central choices. We can
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: make sorry. Number one we can get mad. Number two
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: we can ignore them. Or number three we can use it.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: As a chance to be kind, to connect, to be
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: closer to them, to teach them to do better next time.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: It's through kindness that we model exactly the characteristics that
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: we want our kids to become. It's through kindness that
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: we draw our children closer that we can influence them more.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: It's through kindness that we become the best parents that
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: we can be. So five things. Use your strengths. Be grateful,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: be optimistic and look forward to the future. Be mindful,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: and be kind. Now you're probably going to fail this
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: afternoon or tomorrow. It happens. If you do, that's fine.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Parenting is hard work, but get back on try again.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Be the best parent you can. By doing those five things,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: it'll make a difference. Here's my question for you, when
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: you're trying to make your family happiest, What do you
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: do to make sure that you're your best for your children?
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I'd love you to leave your answer at happy families
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: dot com, dot use slash podcast, slash sixteen, as in
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: the number sixteen, What do you do to make sure
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: that you're at your best for your children? Happy families
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: dot com, dot use slash podcast, slash sixteen. Share the
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: share the news, Share the joy. Let's see if we
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: can make other people's families happier. All right, Up next,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: we've got three minute therapy and a mum who's feeling stuck,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: even though I think she's probably doing a pretty amazing
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: job and maybe she could win the Mother of the
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Year award.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Family life is pretty tough going sometimes. Most days are
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: a struggle between strong willed children and frazzled parents. And
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: while no parent wakes up in the morning saying today's
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: the day I'm going to ruin everyone's lives, it sometimes
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: feels like that by the end of the day. Twenty
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: one Days to a Happier Family is the number one
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: parenting book by doctor Justin Corulson for parents who want
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: their kids to be better, themselves, to be calmer, and
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: their family to be happier now. The book is also
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: available as an online video course. In the you'll find
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: specific strategies to help you be at your best, evidence
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: based ideas to strengthen your relationship with your children, research
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: proven practices to improve understanding between you and your child,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: discipline strategies that work because they're about discipline and not punishment,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: and more tips to make your family happier and as
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: a special offer only for podcast business, use the Code
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: podcast at check out for a massive fifty dollars, saving
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: twenty one days to a happier family. The online video
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: course by doctor Justin Coulson Get it now from Happy
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Here's the email I received from a mum who seems
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: to be doing okay but wants to be doing even better. Hi,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: doctor Justin. I love your guidance based approach to discipline,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: but I have a four year old who hits and
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: who scratches. He's usually a treasure and we have no
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: problems with him. He's cooperative, he's kind, eager to learn,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: great to be around. I know I don't need to
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: punish him to teach him, but he's had this hitting,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: scratching tendency since he was two. Now he's four. He
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: only saves it for me and his younger brother. It's
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: usually when he's sick, tired, or feeling vulnerable, so I
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: know he's trying to communicate with me. My family and
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: friends are telling him I need to crack down on
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: him because he's old enough to know better. We talk
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: about superheroes not hurting people, but looking after people. He
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: likes that. I want to help him, but the more
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I stay with him, the more he hurts me. Should
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I walk away? So three minute therapy? How do we
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: help this mum who seems to be doing such a
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: great job. Here's what I think. It sounds as though
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: things are mostly on track. Discipline, as this mum said,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: we'll call her Jenny. As Jenny said, he's about teaching
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: your children, not punishing your children. But now and then
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: when he goes a little bit crazy, teaching isn't working now.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: No child wakes up in the morning thinking well, who
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: can I hurt today? But sometimes they do get overwhelmed,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: and I think Jenny's noticing that. So let's have a
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: look at what's been identified. First of all, this little
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: boy is hurting Jenny and hurting his brother when he's
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: sick and tired and vulnerable. So it's good to know
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: these triggers. Sick, tired, vulnerable. When he's feeling like that,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: you can increase your level of attention to him. You
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: can reduce the likelihood that he's going to hurt others.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Every parent should remember h l tss Holtz stands so hungry, angry, lonely, tired,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: stressed or sick, and explains the main reasons that children
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and even grown ups act out in really challenging ways. Now,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: the second thing with this little boy is that he's
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: not hurting people outside the family. It's only Mum and
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: his little brother, which means that he does know what
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: to do. He knows it's not okay to behave like that,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: and he's probably only doing it at home because he's
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: tired and frustrated and sick and vulnerable, and he actually
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: feels safe enough to know that he can get away
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: with it. So how do we help him to get
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: his frustrations sorted out in positive ways? Here's some solutions.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Number one, I love the idea of talking about him
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: through a superhero lens. It's talking to him like, you know,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: this is what's interesting to him. He's engaged in it,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: and he's teaching. He's learning valuable principles in a way
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: that makes sense to him. So this superhero's idea is terrific.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Parents and parents of any boy or any girl who
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: likes superheroes should take a leaf out of this book
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: and go with this second thing. Keep doing what you're doing.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Don't listen to people who say you need to crack
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: down on this kid. You need to you need to
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: be punitive, you need to hurt him. Don't do that.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: It's only going to damage the relationship. He doesn't need punishment,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: he just needs more teaching. So the third thing, and
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: this is really the crux of it. Do you walk
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: away when your kids are being rat bags or being challenging?
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't call them rap bags when they're being challenging. Well,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: the answer is yes and no. The next time that
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: this happens, what you want to do is let him
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: know that it's not okay for him to hurt you
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: or his brother. Instead, invite him to talk like you
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: normally would. But if he gets obstinate, if he gets oppositional,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: if he starts becoming aggressive, let him know I can
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: see you're upset. Folks on his emotion, showing me I understand,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: say the name of the emotion, and if he responds, great,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: But if he doesn't, if his non response, if he's aggressive,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: tell him. Look, I want to help you, but you're
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: not letting me. So I'm going to go and wait
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: in the kitchen or wherever it is that you're going
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: to go, and you can come and talk to me
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: as soon as you came. Do you want a hug
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: before I go? If he says yes, great, he's probably
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: gonna calm down. If he says no, walk away before
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: you leave the room off for one more time. Would
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: you like a hug before I go? He might change
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: his mind if he doesn't remind him. Okay, I'll be
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: out here when you're ready. As soon as you want
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: to talk, you can come and have a hug and
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: we'll talk about it. Let him know he's not in trouble.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Let him know he's not going to be punished. Instead,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: you're leaving him because he's trying to hurt you. But
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: as soon as he's calm and he doesn't want to
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: hurt you anymore, then you can work through it. I
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: think that this is really the focus here. Other parents
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: focus on doing things to their children as punishment for
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: challenging behavior. So they hit and they yell and they threaten,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: they withdraw privileges, and they use time out and so
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: on to teach the child a lesson. But all the
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: child learns is that mum or dad is nasty and
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: hurts them and doesn't understand what we're working for. Here
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: is a doing sorry rather than doing too. Is a
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: working with approach, which means we're trying to problem of
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: and we're trying to model exactly the respectful behavior that
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: we want to see in our child. But if you
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: won't work with you, then give him some time and
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: some space, not as punishment, but because he needs to
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: calm down. Okay, that's three minute therapy and I actually
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: almost stuck to time first time ever. Up next, one
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: of the most awesome statements that I've heard from a
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: parenting expert over the years about perfect parenting, and a
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: reminder about a special discount only available to podcast listeners
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: for My Biggest Coolest program online.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Most children are born curious and confident. They love to
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: explore the world, meet new friends, and try new things.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: But between the ages of two and twelve, confidence often
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: drops off. Why and how can we rebuild it? Creating
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Confident Kids is an easy to read ebook for busy
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: parents where you'll discover the five biggest mistakes most parents
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: make that crush their kids' confidence, and the five best
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: confidence boosters for building resilience and well being in your children.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Creating Confident Kids by doctor Justin Coulson at Happy Families
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: Dot com dot Au.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: It's The Happy Family's podcast. I'm doctor to Justin Coulson.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I came across a quote this week that I just
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: had to share. See, sometimes we get caught up in
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: expecting a lot of our children. We want them to
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: be better, We pounce on them when they get stuff wrong.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: This is what parenting author L. R. Nost said in
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: the Gentle parent quote. Parenting has nothing to do with perfection.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Perfection isn't even the goal, not for us, not for
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: our children. Learning together to live well in an imperfect world,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: loving each other despite or even because of our imperfections,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and growing as humans while we grow our little humans.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Those are the goals of gentle parenting. So don't ask
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: yourself at the end of the day if you did
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: everything right. Ask yourself what you learned and how were
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: you loved, how well you loved? Then grow from your answer.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: That is perfect parenting. I love that. Ask yourself what
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: you learned and how well you loved? Then grow from
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: your answer that is perfect. Parenting isnt perfect. Well that's
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: it for this week. Thank you for listening to the podcast.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I hope that your family is happier because of it.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: A reminder if you would like to make your family happier,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: you can. You can access a huge discount to my
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: twenty one days to a Happier Family online video program.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: It's fifty dollars off. Normally ninety seven dollars. You get
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: fifty dollars off. Takes down to forty seven dollars. You
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: just have to use the code podcast at the checkout.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: It's one word podcast podcast. At the checkout, you get
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: it for less than half priced. Twenty one Days to
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: a Happier Family the online video program fifty dollars off
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: only for podcast listeners. It's the only way that you
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: can get that discount, so take advantage of it as
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: soon as you can. And if you've enjoyed the podcast,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: you'll find the outline and the resource links in the
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: show notes at happy Families dot com dot I use
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: slash podcast slash sixteen as in the number sixteen. I'd
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: love it if you'd share it, link to it, or
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: go to iTunes and subscribe and rate it. It helps
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: other people to find out about the podcast and for
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: all the work that goes into it. I'd love it
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: if more and more and more people could joy and
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: make their families happier with it. It's The Happy Family's Podcast.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I'm doctor Justin Colson. Thank you for listening. Another podcast
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: in a fortnight. Until then, remember you don't have to
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: be the best parent in the world. You just have
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: to be the best parent in your children's world.