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THE HIDDEN GAME 🎮What you see Isn't Always What's Really Going On. · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the Misfits, and the Black Sheep come to turn pain into power so that you can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're glad you're here.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, welcome back, fam.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's good to see you again.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for trusting me with your time.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's do this quick vibe check.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, and waiting on somebody to come save you or allergic to accountability, get your ass up out of here.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: This ain't your safe space.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and tap out now.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because by the end, you'll walk away with something that you can execute immediately.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to work.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: In the last briefing, we talked about one of the most underrated weapons in the room is listening.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you stop trying to dominate every conversation, you start collecting information.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: But collecting information isn't enough.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, you have to figure out what that information means, and that's where today's briefing begins.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Our black sheep operating system is simple: observe, analyze, and execute.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Listening helped us observe.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're moving into the analytics.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to be analyzing.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever walked away from a situation and thought something about that did not make sense?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: The words sounded right, the explanation sounded reasonable, everybody seemed cool, but something was off.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Then three weeks later, maybe a month later, sometimes three years later, you finally discover what was really going on.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly you say, Oh, that's what it was.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you to the hidden game.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because what's happening in the front of you isn't always what's really going on.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's unpack it.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you understand these three principles, you'll start reacting only to what people show you.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll start analyzing what may actually be driving the situation.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Principle number one the presenting problem isn't always the real problem.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: The problem that has been presented isn't always the real problem.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: See, black sheep, one of the biggest mistakes that we make is assuming the argument we're having is actually about the thing we're arguing about.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is, but sometimes it ain't.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Got a damn thing to do with it.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Two co-workers are fighting over a project.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Looks like a disagreement about the strategy, but underneath it, one person feels threatened because the other person's influence is growing.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: A couple argues because somebody came home late.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Looks like it's about the clock.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath it, maybe there's been a growing issue around trust.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: A family member suddenly has a problem with your business.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: They say, I'm just concerned you're doing too much.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your ambition is forcing them to confront something about their own life.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: A manager that keeps nitpicking with one employee.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: On paper, it looks like performance.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But perhaps underneath it, there's a personality conflict or competition or poor communication, or maybe the employee really does need to improve.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we don't jump straight to conclusions, we analyze it.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: See, the visible issue is what I call the presenting problem, it's the thing sitting on the top of the table.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: But strategic thinkers, they're gonna eventually ask, What underneath the table am I missing?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you solve the presenting problem without understanding the underlying issue or the underlying problem, guess what happens?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: The problem comes back.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: It comes right back wearing another outfit.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Think about weeds.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can walk outside, see a weed, grab the top of it, and pull it off, right?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Problem solved, except you didn't get to the root, so give it a little time, and that joker comes right back.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's what happens in relationships, organizations, families, businesses, even inside our own self.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: We keep attacking the symptoms while protecting the root.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have you keep arguing about communication, but the root might be resentment.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: You keep changing jobs, but the root might be that you haven't developed boundaries, you keep having friendship problems, but the root might be that you're choosing people based on familiarity instead of alignment.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: You keep fighting about money, but maybe the root might be fear.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: See, the surface tells you where to look, but the root tells you exactly what you're dealing with, and that's the hidden game.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's move on to principle number two.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: You must understand this.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: People have motives, including you.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're going deeper.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: See, human beings have motives.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You must understand this.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: People have motives.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody, that doesn't automatically mean they're evil.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: A motive is simple, it's why you're doing what you're doing.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's all a motive means.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So if you take friends to work that don't have a car, why are you doing that?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you knew how it felt, so you feel like, hey, you know what?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want to pay it forward.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: You might say, I'm doing this because I want to put good karma out there.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, that is still a motive.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, sometimes we're motivated by love, sometimes it's fear, security, status, belonging, money, recognition, control, comfort, ego, survival.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we don't even fully understand our own motive, our own motives.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's why this episode is not about walking around and saying everybody has an agenda.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's paranoia.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're not doing that.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Strategic intelligence requires something more sophisticated.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity without gullibility.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, curiosity, having childlike curiosity without being gullible.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: See, when something doesn't add up, ask questions.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why now?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why this person?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Why that reaction?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why did this particular issue create so much emotion?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Who benefits from this?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Who loses?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Who wins?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Who changed?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: What happened immediately before this?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my favorites, what incentive exists here?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because incentives explain a lot about human behavior.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say a salesperson tells you you need to make this decision today.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do, maybe inventory really is limited, maybe the deadline is legit, but you should always understand that the salesperson may be benefit, may benefit financially if you buy.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, maybe the culture really is wonderful.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: But black sheep, your paycheck still clears through payroll.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, understand the relationship correctly.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: A friend discourages you from moving to another city.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they genuinely believe it's a bad decision, or maybe they're afraid of what you of what you're leaving means for them.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Both things can be seen as true at the same time.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes human behavior complicated.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: People can love you and still prefer the version of you that makes their life comfortable.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: People can support you and still feel threatened when you surpass them.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: People can give you good advice for selfish reasons, people can give you bad advice with completely pure intentions.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: You don't believe me?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget when I had started working at Publix Warehouse over 20 years ago.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um, people were like, you know, it was one of the great best places to work, and it absolutely was a great company, right?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll never forget one of the trainers.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now keep in mind he had been in the game at Publix for like 30 years at that time, because one of the sweet things about Publix was number one, they were had a great profit sharing program, and after five years, you're completely invested in everything that they put back into your bank.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if you had already been there for 20, 30, 40 years, you were already sitting pretty.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so the guy came in and said, you know what?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: One of the best things that I can tell you to do financially, he said, is to put all your eggs in one basket, and he meant it because he had done it for himself with publics, right?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: However, we all know right now, putting all of your eggs in one basket, even then, that wasn't good advice.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't okay.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So for self, so so people can give you bad advice and they have pure intentions.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's why analyzing the modals requires humility.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always know what's going on, so don't manufacture people's motives.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Look for the evidence, okay?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody has motives, your mom, your dad, you have them.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to drive at home because we're talking about modals.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times people instantly go to, oh, they're up to something, they're evil, they're being manipulative.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, everybody has motives, and that's simply the reason why you're doing what you're doing, and you just want to make sure you understand the why behind the what so that you as a black sheep can continue to make your next move, your best move.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into number three patterns that expose the game.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is where the last episode becomes extremely important.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Remember what we were talking about when we were talking about listening?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: One statement is information, repeated behavior creates a pattern, and patterns are difficult to hide forever.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody tells you, I'm happy for you.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't interrogate it, don't turn into Sherlock Holmes because somebody congratulated you, right?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just keep living.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: But then every time something good happens to you, they disappear.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Every accomplishment gets minimized, every idea gets criticized, every celebration gets redirected towards them.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now we have more information.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: See, one incident could be anything, repeated incidents.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now we can analyze a problem, we can analyze a pattern.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is why strategic black sheep don't have to react to everything immediately.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes time is your intelligence officer.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let the situation breathe.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Watch, listen, collect information because people can control a moment, but it's much harder to control a pattern.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, family, it's time to stop playing checkers with chest problems because this is where a lot of smart people get caught up.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: They respond to a move without considering the board.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody insults them, immediate response.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody challenges them, immediate response.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody sends a disrespectful email, immediate response.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody posts something shady online, immediate response.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the smartest response is, oh, that's interesting.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're scared, but because you're gathering information.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: See, in chess, you don't evaluate a move only by asking what piece did they move?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're asking why that piece.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why now?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: What did that move open?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: What did it protect?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: What became vulnerable?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: What might happen next?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: See, that's strategic thinking, and life requires the same skill.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: The obvious move may not be the most important move.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's bring it into the workplace because this happens constantly.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your organization announces a restructuring.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: On the surface level, you're thinking about we're reorganizing teams for efficiency.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, don't panic.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Don't immediately create a conspiracy, but don't stop listening either.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Observe which departments are growing, which budgets are shrinking, who suddenly has decision-making authority, what projects keeps getting canceled, what skills are becoming valuable, what language is leadership repeatedly using?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't trying to become the office group or the office gossip.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're trying to understand where the organization is moving.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you understand the direction of the board, you can position yourself before everybody else realizes the game changed.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's black sheep intelligence.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: See, same thing happens in relationships.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody says, somebody says everything is fine, but their behavior says something's changed.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Their behavior tells you something different.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Don't immediately accuse them anything.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't create a story in your head, and but don't and don't ignore that information either.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Axe, listen, observe.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're stressed out or grieving or they're distracted.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe something really is wrong between you.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Analysis isn't about assuming the worst, it's about refusing to automatically assume anything.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: See, you investigate reality before making your move.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: And black sheet, we can't have this conversation without turning the mirror around.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the hidden game isn't somebody else, it's ours.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: We say I'm waiting for the right time, but underneath it it's fear.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: We say I'm researching, but we've been researching for two years.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's procrastination, wearing glasses.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: We say I'm protecting my peace, but really we're avoiding necessary conversations.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: We say nobody supports me, but we haven't consistently shown up for our own dream.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: We say, I'm just being loyal, but underneath it, we're afraid to outgrow people.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: See, strategic intelligence becomes dangerous when we only use it to analyze everybody else.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Real black sheep leadership means asking, what game am I playing with myself?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: What truth am I avoiding?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: What story am I telling myself?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth would require action, and that's where the endless is becomes transformation.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a strategy.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Don't stop at what happened.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Ask what it means.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Look beneath the presenting problem.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Understand the incentives, watch those patterns, and most importantly, include yourself in the analysis.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the game, the hidden game is happening around you, and sometimes it's happening inside of you.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your three moves.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, ask what's happening underneath this.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Choose one recurring problem in your life, not 10, just one.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And ask, what is the presenting problem?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: So it might, like I said, guys, it might be, hey, I keep having issues at jobs, right?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's a presenting problem.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: You keep switching jobs.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: What might actually be underneath it?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm in the wrong industry.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm not setting boundaries.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And because I'm in management, I don't need to be talking to my associates because we're not peers.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Don't manufacture an answer though.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just investigate because this is your life.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Move number two, follow the pattern, not the performance.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: This week, pay attention to consistency.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make major adjustments or judgments from one conversation.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Watch what happens naturally and repeatedly.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Words matter.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns prove context.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns prove context.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you got somebody that always say they're going to come over your house, but the patterns have shown you over and over and over again they're not coming.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Patterns provide the context to what the problem may be.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: The presenting problem, the pattern is going to show you what's going on underneath.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Move number three.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Check your own game.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, where am I calling something strategy when it's really fear?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I calling patience when it's really procrastination?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I calling loyalty when it's fear of change?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or where am I calling it loyalty when I just feel that I don't want to when I'm too scared to outgrow my old friend click?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: See, that's the uncomfortable move, and probably the most valuable one when you check your own hidden game.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: See, the surface tells you what happened, the patterns help you understand why.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Black Sheep Family, don't react to every move.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Study the board.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because what's happening in front of you isn't always the whole game.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen to me.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just hear today's message.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Run it, test it, and absolutely master it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you on the next briefing.