Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / The Real Truth About America (Jimmy O. Yang, Jim Gaffigan and Gina Yashere)

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The Real Truth About America (Jimmy O. Yang, Jim Gaffigan and Gina Yashere) · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like my real name is not even Jimmy.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's my English name.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: My real name is Man Shing in Cantonese Man Singh.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: It stands for 10,000 success.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I had very ambitious parents.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm telling dick jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Jimmy was just kind of like an arbitrary English name that just sounded easy.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad, he named himself Richard.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, dad, why'd you name yourself Richard?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, because I want to be rich.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: It makes so much sense.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then they named my older brother Roger after the James Bond actor Roger Moore.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: But my brother hated that name.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, man, it makes me sound like an old white guy.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So eventually he changed his own name to Roy.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: So now he sounds like an older white guy.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And now his full name is Roy Roger.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Which is the oldest white guy to ever white.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was very good at math.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big Asian stereotype.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's some truth to that.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not because of some weird genetic thing, just because our parents care so much more about mathematics and academics.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: You guys seen it?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: You guys seen those like Kumon learning centers in those strip moss?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Kumon learning centers, for you guys that don't know, are basically detention camps for young Asian children.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell that place is kind of up by the look of its logo.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's supposed to be a smiley face, but it's not really smiling.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, man.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kuman.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: They got a different strategy.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I can work on my brain function.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's an old school Chinese strategy.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so when I turned 15, it was a very special occasion.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was basically my quinceniera.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: My dad just gave me a TI 83 plus.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And he looked me in the eyes and he was like, You're a woman now, okay?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know I make fun of my parents, but at the end of the day, I love them very much.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all do, right?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But Asian people, we don't ever say I love you to each other.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's just not our thing.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: One time I got high and I called my mom.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, mom, I just I just want to tell you, mom, I love you.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you can hear her start like crying on the other side of the line.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, Oh, Jimmy, do you have a cancer?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: We just got different ways of showing love.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I see my grandmother, I don't give her a hug, I just give her a solid handshake.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're not about that hugging, and Asian grandmas did the best.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: You give her a handshake, she's like a vending machine.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: You give her a handshake, out comes a red envelope.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you gotta pretend you don't want that shit.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, please.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay, thank you.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's just how we show love.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: My dad still calls me like 20 times a day just to check up on me.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's annoying, but I understand that's how he shows love.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to my friend here uh and he was like, Oh, I haven't I haven't talked to my dad in three weeks.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what is he in jail?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, No, I live with him, I just haven't talked to him in three weeks.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you do understand if I don't call my dad back in three hours, he's gonna call 911.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: 911, what's your emergency?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: My son is a dead.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, sir, is everything okay?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is your son dead?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, no, but he's a dead to me.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, bye.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_04: We walked through the forbidden city, we rode in a rickshaw, and when we were leaving, I asked my five-year-old, I said, What was your favorite part of China?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_04: And he said, I like that time we saw the truck with the pigs on it.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_04: Because at one point we were stuck in traffic and this truck pulled up and it had pigs in cages.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: That was his favorite part.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_04: After the 15-hour flight.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember when that truck pulled up because I remember looking at those pigs and feeling sorry for them.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_04: But those pigs looked happy.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_04: It was almost like the pigs were looking at me and my five screaming kids, going, well, at least we're not that slop.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: I do enjoy traveling to other countries, seeing how different, but essentially similar we all are.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_04: Like, like the UK is not that different from the US.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_04: You know, if anything, you go over there and it seems like British people are trying to be different from Americans.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, oh, you drive on the right side of the road, then then we're gonna drive on the left side of the road.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you call your mother mom, then we're gonna call ours mom.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you call that a cookie, then we're not going to the dentist.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_04: I know that's cheap.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_04: I did notice something when I was over there.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: You know, British people, they don't say the before hospital.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_04: You ever notice that?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_04: They're like, hospital?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: I was feeling knocked, so I went to hospital.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_04: Whenever they would do that, I'd say, stop that, that's wrong and weird.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_04: Are you trying to sound like a polite caveman?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_04: And I had a friend from London, he was like, What makes you think you're doing it properly?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: And I go, because I'm American and we invented the English language.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_04: It was a pet peeve of mine, so I did some research.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know why British people don't say the before hospital?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_04: Because they're dicks.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_04: I know that sounds harsh, but admit it, British people always talk to Americans like we just walked into their jewelry store with two full bags of garbage.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: May I help you?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: Are you lost?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_04: Obviously, I love the breads, and I would never do those jokes.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_04: There.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_04: Snow animals.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_04: And no, I was walking through Piccadilly Circus, and I saw they had an MM store.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: And I looked at that MM store, and it just made me think of all the things the British have given the Americans.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_04: Like our language, Shakespeare, the Magna Carta.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I looked at the MM store and I thought, now we're even.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I like Americans.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: But you guys don't travel much.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I've read about Americans, that you guys don't travel.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: I read that 75% of Americans do not have passports.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: 75%! Now and I'm in San Francisco, so you guys are not you guys are gonna skew the statistics.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not here, how many of you guys have got passports?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's a high percentage.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: With stamps in them.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: That don't say Mexico.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or Hawaii.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hawaii doesn't count.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Cruises don't count either.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because people cheat, they go on cruises and they say, and they go, oh yeah, I went to here and here, I went to Jamaica, and then went to Chile today.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: No, you didn't.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: You went on a cruise.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Cruises don't count, you don't get to see the country.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is what happens on a cruise.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: You get on the ship, you cruise to an island, and you get off at the port, get off the boat at the port, and you buy some t-shirts and shells and ship, and then you get the fat back on the boat.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you do.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: You get on the boat.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then you get to the next port, and you get off at the port, and you buy some t-shirts and shells and shit, and then you get back on the boat, get back on the boat.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: The fact the cruise companies are chicken you, they're taking you to the same island.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love to travel.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I've been all over the world, I've been all over the world.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: I went back to Africa, obviously, because my family's from Nigeria.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: I went back to Nigeria.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Don't clap too hard.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Nigeria scared the fuck out of me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I stayed in a hotel with the white people.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I did.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was like that.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Nigeria is great.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, look, there's Nigerians.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, close the doors, don't let them in.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was terrifying.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Terrifying.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was watching a TV show over there where a guy was whistleblowing on corruption within the Nigerian government.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Government, right?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Whistleblowing.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: On corruption in the Nigerian government.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: On television in Nigeria.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Whistleblowing against the Nigerian government in Nigeria.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And he's being interviewed and he's like, yes, I'm being interviewed, and what I'm doing is very, very dangerous.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Very dangerous.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm risking my life.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: But fortunately, my identity is protected.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because yeah, one of those black things across his eyes.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: My identity is protected by the black line across my eyes.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: So luckily.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then he bent down to get a drink.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's dead now, but he made an effort to make it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Scare me, it scared me.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I I've traveled to different parts of America, and they're guys that think they're thugs.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: What dogs?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: What thugs?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's how it sounds to me.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: What dogs?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Go to Africa and see hungry thugs.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: I got robbed in a taxi doing sixty miles an hour.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: That, my friends, is thuggery.