Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Trump Gushes Over Xi _ Jon Helps 2026 Graduates Land a Job the Trump Way _ The Daily Show

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Trump Gushes Over Xi _ Jon Helps 2026 Graduates Land a Job the Trump Way _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: We have a program for you tonight, par excellence. French. Also,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: later on tonight, economists Sumaya Keynes and Chad P. Bone
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: will be here. This is the crowd making some noise
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: for the economists.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: We got the Boneheads in the house.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: First, I want to check with her. Is everybody feeling good?
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: You feeling good? You feeling safe? I know why.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I know why you're feeling good. I know why you're
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: feeling safe. Because Daddy's back home. Daddy's back home. He's
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: gone for a couple of days in China. We were scared.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, where's Daddy? I'm so scared.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Where's Daddy? But now he's home, and I'm sure he
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: brought us all the goodies from China. Because as we
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: all know, nobody, and I mean nobody, is tougher on China.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Rhymes with vagina. than Donald J. Trump.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: The only way you're gonna get along well with China
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: is you have to deal from a position of strength.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: I stood up to China like no administration has ever
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: done before. Nobody was tougher, like, on China than I was.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: I'm the toughest person in China anywhere in the world.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: There's never been anybody tougher in China than me.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: He's like a bull in a China shop!
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Or.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Obviously, as they call it over there, a shop. I'll
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: let myself out. That's all right. But all right, let's
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: see some of that famous toughness in action. Let him
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: have it!
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I want to thank President Xi, my friend. He's a
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: man I respect greatly.
• 1:59
  Speaker 5: The relationship is a very strong one. You're a great leader.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I say it to everybody. You're a great leader. Sometimes
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: people don't like me saying it, but I say it
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: anyway because it's true. I only say the truth.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, take that! President Xi. He's the only leader with.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Balls to come to your house and say right to
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: your face, who's better than you?
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: No one. And you know what? Trump's going to say
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: something right now. Xi, you don't even have to say
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: it back to.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Him.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: You know what? That's okay. There's a lot of ways
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: to negotiate. Sometimes you get more flies with honey. So
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: what did you get?
• 2:43
  Speaker 6: Mr.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: President, trade barriers down, help with Iran, some of them
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: delicious rare earth metals. What's the most significant, specific thing
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: you walk away from here for.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: The U.S.? I think the most important thing is relationship.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: It's all about relationship.
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: LAUGHTER So nothing.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: You got nothing! You flew to Chi... What is it?
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: 400 million miles? I don't know how far it is
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: in China. It's far!
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: You flew there to personally confront our rival superpower on
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: the escalating trade and geopolitical tensions between.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Us, and all you came back with was his Instagram?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: The tariffs are in place, but we're on the close
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: friend story now.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Well, he's on mine. Look, was there any positive movement?
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: He said the U.S.
• 3:47
  Speaker 6: Was declining for the last four years. And he said
• 3:51
  Speaker 6: what President Trump has done in the last 15, 16
• 3:54
  Speaker 6: months has been virtually a miracle.
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: He said we have the hottest.
• 3:59
  Speaker 6: He said we have the hottest country anywhere in the world.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what she said. No, I'm asking, is that
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: what she said?
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Because that quote sounds really a lot like you. President
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Xi actually took you aside, Donald Trump, and said, actually said,
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: President Xi said, you have the hottest country like no
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: one has ever seen before.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: You only need a ballroom, that's all you need.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Was there at least any information about Xi that you
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: gleaned being over there that the United States might be
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: able to exploit in future negotiations?
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: If you went to Hollywood and you looked for a
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: leader of China, you couldn't find a guy like him.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: He's tall, very tall.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: And especially for this country, because they tend to be
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: a little bit shorter.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: What the he's talking about?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: You come back with like, this guy, he's like. I mean,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: you're Chinese, you think.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: But this guy.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: So apparently, when you came back with this, President Xi
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: is apparently taller than what a 79-year-old white guy's idea
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: of what a Chinese person's height should be. Listen, it's
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: probably as good as we can expect from Trump. And
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Xi's eyes are definitely wider than I thought they'd be.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Usually, can I do the eyes to show them? Is
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: it okay if I do the eyes?
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And there was no pee-pee in my Coke, contrary to
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: what I've been told.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: What are we doing?
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: You might be watching this and wondering, how the is
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: this guy our president?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: How? He should not have this job. And yet, he does.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe I've got it wrong.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's time to stop being exasperated by this, by Trump.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: And maybe it's time to see if we can glean
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: lessons from Trump's rise. Look, folks, it's May. And we
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: were even getting questions about it today from young people.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: It's May. It's graduation season.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Thousands of graduates are going into the world to interview
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: for their dream job.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And maybe the advice that we've been giving.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Them all along about honesty and hard work and all
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: that other gay shit.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Is completely wrong. Maybe we should all be students at Donald.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Trump University, which obviously you can't be because it was
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: a fraud and got shut down.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Metaphorically. And so that's what we're going to do tonight.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Class of 2026, everybody gather round the whatever it is
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: you watch, your phone, brain chip, smart fridge, however you're
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: watching this. We're going to walk you through what you
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: really need to do to nail that important job interview
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Donald Trump way. Let's start at the very beginning. Young grad,
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: you walk into the room, and what have we always
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: told you to do? Eye contact, firm handshake, settle in.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: But that's what losers do.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: What you want to do is set the terms of
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: the battle in the interview. I will take your f
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: * * * ing hand!
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Give me your f * * * ing hand! Give
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: it to me! It is now my bow!
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: I want your hand!
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Give me your f * * * ing hand! Your
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: prospective employer must know you are the captain now. And
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: if you come out of that interview with a hand
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: that looks any less grotesque than this one, you did
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: it wrong.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Don't look away. Look at it.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: That is a hand that won the interview.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: How did the interview go, son? My beautiful hair. All right.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: So now we're in the room. Now we're going to
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: let the interview begin. We'll role play this out. Why
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: do you think you're a good fit for our firm?
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: You know, I went to great schools. I'm like a
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: smart person.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: I guarantee my IQ is much higher than any of
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: these people.
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: I'm good at language.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I've always been good at money.
• 9:43
  Speaker 6: I guarantee I have a vocabulary better than all of them.
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: I know words.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I have the best words.
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: I have a very fertile, very fertile brain.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: That's how you do it, graduates. I cannot stress this enough.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Make your answer cocky and super weird. These other people
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: might be good, but I have words and a fertile brain.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Brain can get pregnant. Pregnant brain. Pregnant brain make more brain.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Lots of brain.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Now, the next thing the interviewer is going to say
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: to you is, why do you want to work here?
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And the right answer is, I don't.
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: I didn't need this job. I had a very nice life.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I think I would have been a good general.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: My mother, she said, son, you could be a professional
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: baseball player.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I could have been a flutist.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: I could have been sunbathing on the beach. You have
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: never seen a body so beautiful.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, any firm would be lucky to grab such a
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: talented athlete, flutist, nudist.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: But see, now the interviewer's on the back foot. They
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: got all their stupid.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Pre-planned bullshit questions that everybody's supposed to have a pro-forma
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: response to, and you just get to knock them down
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: one after the other.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, tell us about one of your weaknesses. Yeah, I
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: have weaknesses.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: I really believe I have weaknesses, but it's something I
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: don't like discussing because I don't want to give it up.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: That's the stuff in the interview. What are your weaknesses?
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Hire me, and you'll find out. I
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: got a lot of them. I'm reckless.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I make decisions on impulse. I do very little planning.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I'm corrupt as a mother. But that's going to be
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: my little secret until I get this job. Oh, here's
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: one of my weaknesses.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I make all the women in the office incredibly uncomfortable.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: It's that face, it's that brain, it's those lips, the
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: way they move. They move like she's a machine gun.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: There she is.
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: You don't mind being called beautiful, right?
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: Because you are.
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: You are beautiful.
• 12:14
  Speaker 6: I'm not allowed to say that to myself anyway.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: That's not going to be a problem in the office,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: is it?
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, and by the way, it's not enough for the
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: job interviewer to ask about weaknesses. Oh, they also want
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: to know, tell us about a time you struggled. Now,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: you've been taught, graduates, that they're expecting humility to prostrate
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: yourself on a life lesson you learned.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: But that's for losers.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: The Trump strategy is to remind the interviewer that they
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: would kill to have the kind of obstacles you had.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: It has not been easy for me. And, you know,
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: I started off in Brooklyn. My father gave me a
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: small loan of a million dollars.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: You poor bastard.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: He had to start off in Brooklyn, an outer borough,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: with only a small loan. I mean, if you look
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: at the check, honestly, it's mostly zeros.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: Now, great.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Now you've made it through the interviewer's psychological probing, meant
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: to reveal your introspective and self-critical side, and you've given
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: them f * * * ing nothing.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Well done. But these bastards aren't done.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: They think A little playful hobby question might be the
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: way to unlock a new grad's real self, who they
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: really are. Something stupid like, oh, what's your favorite book?
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: But you got this. The Bible is the best.
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: One of the great books.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Boom! Perfect.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Now, those interview coaching firms or your school's career offices
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: or your parents or responsible friends are going to probably
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: advise you to have read whatever book you mention as
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: your favorite. Winners don't have that kind of time. And
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: what are the odds that they'll ask a follow-up anyway?
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering what one or two of your most favored
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Bible verses are and why.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't want to get into it because to me
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: that's very personal.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: You know, when I talk about the Bible, it's very personal.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to get into verses. I don't
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: want to get into it. There's no verse that means
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: a lot to you that you think about or cite?
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: The Bible means a lot to me, but I don't
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: want to get into specifics.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Even to cite a verse that you like? No, I
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: don't want to do that.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, people who love the Bible famously hate sharing their
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: favorite parts.
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: It's all in.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: The.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Like to keep it on the... I think.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: We've all seen this guy at the baseball games. So
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: by now it's pretty clear.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: You're lying. Keep it going. Do you have an Old
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Testament guy or a New Testament guy?
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: Probably equal.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: New Testament, Old Testament. I'm a Jew for Jesus. I
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: don't care. I'm equal.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Now, you as the interviewee have been very patient in
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: this interview with your prospective employers' questions. Conventional wisdom would say,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: if you want to get that job, you've got to
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: keep it that way. Calm, cool, answering questions to the
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: best of your ability. But that just encourages them to
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: continue this nonsense. Now it's time to let them know
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: that just because it is literally their job to ask
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: you questions doesn't mean they can ask you questions.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: What a stupid question that is.
• 15:44
  Speaker 6: It's such a stupid question you ask.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: And you're just asking questions because you're a stupid person.
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: Don't ever say what you said. That's a nasty question.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Why do you give me a horrible question?
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: It's not the question that I mind. It's your attitude.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: Only a bad person would ask a question like that.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: I don't know who you are, but only a very...
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: evil person would ask a question like that.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: So for you.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Graduates, I know that this advice and behaving in the
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: way you just witnessed seems counterintuitive.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Why would I alienate.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: The very people that I'm appealing to, who are just
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: doing their job and asking reasonable questions?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: And my answer to that is, I've I don't know
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: why this works.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I don't f * * * ing get it.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: But here we are. And here he is. And he's
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: the president. And I'm on basic cable. I don't understand.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: This doesn't make.
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: I don't... How.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: What is happening? So the point is, it doesn't make sense.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Just f * * * ing do it.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Look, chances are, at this point, once you hit him
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: with the, that's a stupid question and.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: You're evil, the interview is over. Because you've aced it.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: But you might not have quite sealed the deal. Remember,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: we're in modern times. They're going to check your social
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: media profile.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: And chances are, you probably have some questionable ones in
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: there like, best wishes to the haters and losers on 9-11.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Or, hey, I might be Jesus.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: It still freaks me out to see.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Can I?
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: The thing that bothers me the most about this picture,
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: I know it's AI generated. I know he's not Jesus,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: and I know I'm not really the guy in the bed.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: But here's what, so apparently if you plug into AI,
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Trump heals sick elderly man.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: My picture is.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: What artificial intelligence thinks is dying old man.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: That can't be good.
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: Sorry.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Back to the task at hand.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Most of the literati will tell you, oh, try and
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: have a good, cogent, believable reason for questionable posts that
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: you made on social media.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Wrong. Mr.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: President, did you post that picture of yourself depicted.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: As Jesus Christ?
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: Well, it wasn't a picture.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: It was me.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: I did post it, and I thought it was me
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: as the doctor.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Because apparently, even though the Bible is Trump's favorite book,
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: he doesn't know the difference between Robbie Rabinovich and Jesus.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Unbelievable.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: So.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: You have done.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Everything wrong so far as a recent graduate, and it's
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: looking great. The only thing really left to do for
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: the interviewer is to get you to list some references.
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: John Kelly is one of the best people I've ever
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: worked with. When you ask me about Rex, I mean,
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: he's a world-class player.
• 19:13
  Speaker 6: Bill Barr, a terrific person, a brilliant man.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Thanks for that. Now all we have to do is
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: check those references. He is a consummate narcissist. So he
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: certainly falls into the general definition of a fascist.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: Secretary of State Rex Tillerson calling Trump a, quote, effing moron.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Nailed it!
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Nailed it!
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Well done.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Good call. So great job in the interview so far.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: You've been arrogant, self-centered, narcissistic, ignorant, quick to claim.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Credit, quicker to deflect blame, petulant, short-tempered, vulgar, corrupt.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Name any sin from Trump's favorite book you've been in.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: And apparently, in the upside down that is now our country,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: that's the way to do it.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: So congratulations. You're hired.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: The only thing left to do now is blatantly steal
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: from whoever it was that hired you. The Trump administration
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: has just announced it is creating a 1.7 billion dollar
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: fund to compensate Trump's allies and January 6th defendants. The fund,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: which will be financed by American taxpayers, comes as Trump
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: is dropping his 10 billion dollar lawsuit against the federal government.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Congratulations, graduates.