Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / How to Resist the Comparison Trap for Parents w/Susan Davidson

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How to Resist the Comparison Trap for Parents w/Susan Davidson · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Karen, your show host, and today we're talking about that sneaky thief of joy comparison.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever struggled with that?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all would say yes.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Susan Davidson is here with us today to talk about resisting comparison and silencing the inner critic.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Susan is a freedom from striving pursuer and a sharer of encouragement enthusiasts.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: She's a devotional writer featured in Clear Mind, Peaceful Heart, 50 Devotions for Sleeping Well in a World Full of Worry.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's also one of the writers for Unexpected Blessings: 40 Days of Discovering God's Best.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so excited to have her here today.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome, Susan.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Karen, for having me.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's great to have you here.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: So let's begin with defining comparison and what some call the comparison trap.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: What exactly is that?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Comparison is something that I've battled in one form or another all my life.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I call it the chameleon because you know how the chameleon will blend into all its surroundings.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the enemy is so good at taking comparison and tweaking it, subtly changing it till it just shows up in every season of our life.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: For me, you know, and when I was in high school, it showed up when I was wanting to compare myself to the popular girls.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I wasn't pretty as they were or smart as they were.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it always wants to make you feel less than someone else.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Then of course, it showed up when I was a young married, and you know, my husband and I were starting out, and maybe we were having a hard time, and then you look at other people and they seem to have more or do more.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then it shows up in our parenting.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: It shows up in us comparing our, you know, someone else's parenting style to us, or it shows up in wanting to compare our kids' um abilities or successes or milestones to some other kids.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's very easy just to get caught in that.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the enemy is so quick to just use that as a trap and get in our heads and use that to just trap us.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, like you mentioned in in the introduction, Teddy Roosevelt once called comparison the thief of joy.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's still so much more than that.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: If we if we allow those thoughts, we don't bring captive those negative thoughts or thoughts of comparison, that it wants to steal our peace, our contentment.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And really it gets deeper than that.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And he wants to steal our unique gifts and abilities and callings that God has for us.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the main things he gets to is he wants to steal our confidence.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And when he steals our confidence, then he can step in and we want to hold back from using those abilities and those gifts and those callings for God.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And um Rick Warren once made a statement that I loved and I pulled it out all the time, and he said, Not every experience is meant to be my experience, and my experience is not to be everyone else's experience.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: But that what comparison does, it wants us to focus on what someone else is doing, or someone else has or someone else's kids has that ours don't have, and we focus on that, and it can cause us to lose focus of what God is doing in us, and maybe possibly wanting to do in our kids.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Comparison causes dissatisfaction with our own blessings, gifts, and abilities.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: It causes it can cause low self-esteem and self-worth, it can make us question our God-given worth and lose sight of our identity in Christ.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: But one of the things that I really just recently just my eyes were open to is the fact that comparison wants to hinder community by creating a space for competition within the body of Christ.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And recently we were doing a Bible study on Deuteronomy 33, and I've kind of set it up because we don't have time to go into what for me to read it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But right before Deuteronomy 33, the children of Israel are getting ready to leave the the the wilderness, and they're ready getting ready to finally go into the promised land.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so Moses has all the tribes gathered, and he's giving them, you know, of course, he gives them instructions of of how to be successful and blessed in the new land, but he also stops in Deuteronomy 33 and he speaks blessings over the tribes.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if you really look at them, they're all unique and distinctly different.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're not alike.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Some one tribe is blessed with strength in battle, one is blessed through commerce at sea, one is blessed through um being blessed in their land or grazing cat for grazing land and cattle.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: One is blessed, going to be blessed in the land with being able through agriculture and farming.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: But they're not alike.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so many times, you know, even as parents, we look at the super moms on social media and we want to be just like them, or we focus on another kid's successes, and it makes us maybe our kids struggling in something, and and it makes us feel dissatisfied or discouraged because they're not having the same success.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing of it is that sometimes God is using something that's uniquely different and special about each one of us.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: We all have gifts and callings because we are wonderfully and fearfully made, and God has a purpose and a plan for each of us.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, as parents, we're called to first raise our kids in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: But this is something that I've been thinking about too, is maybe part of our job is to help prepare and lay the groundwork for their special and unique callings to be cultivated for God, to use them for his kingdom.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And even those setbacks and those minor um things that we feel like we're falling behind, maybe that's God using those things to develop character, to strengthen, because we never know what he's got ahead for us later on.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, if you look at the body of Christ, when we come together, it's such a beautiful thing.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we all have these gift different gifts and these different callings.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And when we we're not alike, and so when we come together, all of us together, we fit as a whole.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And not one gift is not less special than someone else's, but we all have our place and it's a beautiful thing in Christ.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so we can sabotage that and how God wants to use us by letting the enemy put these thoughts of not worth as much or not as good as um when we need to focus maybe on just what God is wanting to do in us through us in our kids.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my grandson is um started in middle school this year, and up until this point, he's been with the same kids and you know, doing, you know, kind of the same things, and then this year he's kind of drifted off into okay, we're starting to him to find his own place and his own special gifts.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, a lot of kids' kids were playing football and they were doing basketball.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: My grandson loves academics, and so he's pulled over into the lane of academic team, and so he'll do baseball in the spring.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: But one of the things that we're trying to do is, and this is my special prayer over him, is that God will build his confidence and self-esteem in a godly way so that he will grow in the purpose God has for his life.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Make it a priority to teach him that is is just as in it's not as important to be popular or fit in to be like everyone else, but to find his special place and asking God to lead him to the opportunities where he can develop the gifts that God has for him and the planning has for his life.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, but we're all gonna face these seasons, and I call them seasons because when we when we defeat the enemy and he'll leave us alone for a season and he comes back again.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But there's some ways that I've found that I can defeat that voice, um, and I'll go through those with you, um, or the audience.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: First, there's prayer.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes we forget just how powerful prayer is, and that it's the best place to start.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And and we have a beautiful invitation from God that invites us to come boldly into the throne of Christ or throne of God that we can find grace to help in time of need.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care what it is we need, we never have to be ashamed, we never have to feel like we have it all together to go to God, but we can bring whatever it is that we're struggling with or our kids are struggling with, and we can bring it to his throne and know that it might happen exactly in our timing, but it will happen in his.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: But he will strengthen us to overcome whatever we're facing.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're battling comparison, he's going to help us overcome that.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's scripture.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's I journal scripture a lot, and I've been known there's been seasons where I've posted them where I can see them as a reminder.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: But there's so much prayer or power in God's word to help us overcome whatever we're faced with, and that find those scriptures that have to do with comparison and stick them around where you can see them or your kids can see them.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Pray them over you, pray them over your kids, pray them over your your your parenting, pray them, pray them over your life that God can help you overcome that that critic that makes us just makes us miserable when we're comparing our life to someone else.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And also, um, ask God to send those people into your life that will that you can gather with to pray with when you have seasons of you're struggling through things.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And because when we have friends that are like godly values and are like, you know, like us going through those same seasons, they can be one of the main things that helps strengthen us and encourage us to get through that season.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I know sometimes I've heard people say, Well, I have, you know, I don't have friends or I can't make friends.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, God is able to bring people into your life in such unexpected ways if we just trust him and and get involved.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, sometimes we have to step out and get involved.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've had people bring friends from online groups in my season.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a caregiver in my season and kind of been kind of isolated in this season, but I've watched God bring people online and um and and to minister to me.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So just just pray and trust God's word and trust him that he will help you overcome and help you break through this critical voice.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And in closing, I want to say we can trust God not to let comparison have the final say in our story or our children's story.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: We are more than crockerers in Jesus.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Susan, this is good.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: It has been such a pleasure.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here to share on this important topic.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's something that we all deal with.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: And and I know your encouragement, because I can tell your gifting is encouragement.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: I know it will be a blessing to many parents.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to encourage our listeners to follow you for more encouragement.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, where is the best place to find you online?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I write under the name Ruth216Girl.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: It that verse in Ruth 216 is a special uh meaning to me.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can find me on my rep, I have a website, Ruth216girl.com, and I'm also on Instagram and Facebook.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you can find me there.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: I will link to that in the show notes.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And also I want to highlight you've created a special freebie on this topic uh just for moms, right?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us a little bit about that.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's just some little, it's some scripture cards, you know, because I talked about just pasting those scriptures around.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's some of those you can clip out, uh print off and clip out, and there's a special prayer at the end, and there's just some places that you can journal, some prompts, like a journaling page.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, a lot of times I start with a page like that, and I just kind of go through and fill in those places, and it just helps you focus.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and sometimes that's just letting God change our perspective, and that just helps me do that.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Wonderful.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's included in that freebie.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I will link to that in the show notes as well.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, listeners, be sure to check that out and download your copy.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that is it for today.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: I pray this episode is an encouragement to you.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Please share it with another parent you want to encourage.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: And like and subscribe to Five Minute Parenting so you never miss an episode.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, have a blessed week.