Latest / Prosper With Wayne / How To Change Your Reality WIth Words
Transcript
- Wayne Sutton: Your mind is making the world darker than it is. What if I told you that two people can experience almost the exact same event when one becomes bitter, defeated, and hopeless while the other becomes stronger? Same event, different outcome. So what's the difference? A huge part of it's one word, meaning. Now what does that word mean to me? What story am I telling myself about what happened? Or could something eventually come from it? Today I want to talk about something that I have seen so many years in my coaching and something we desperately need right now. Hope. Welcome to another episode of Prosper with Wayne. Listen, I'm not talking about butting your head in the sand. I'm not talking about pretending everything is wonderful. We live in a world full of darkness, full of evil, full of turmoil. And I'm not talking about looking at your bank account when there's thirty-seven dollars in it and And saying I'm a millionaire. That's not positive thinking, that's bad accounting. I'm talking about something much more powerful: reframing. The ability to look at what's happening in your life without denying reality, but ask, is there another way to interpret this? Because the way you frame your circumstances determine what you do next, and what you do next changes your life. So let's jump in here. I want you to grab a hold of this. We never experience reality completely objectively. Our brain's interpretation of reality is what we experience. Something happens and our brain assigns meaning to it. Then you respond to that meaning. So imagine your boss calls and says, Wayne, I need to talk to you tomorrow morning. And that's all he says. One person immediately thinks, I'm getting fired. Now their heart starts pounding, they can't sleep, they tell their their spouse, I knew something was wrong. They even mentally calculate how long they can survive without income. And the meeting hasn't even happened yet. But another person says, Wow, they must want to talk to me about the new project. Same phone call, same voice message, completely different evening. That is framing. And understand this, this is where it gets fascinating. Human beings, we're not naturally neutral information processing machines. Our attention is especially sensitive to threats And when you look at the history of humans, that makes sense. Imagine two ancient humans walking through the woods. One hears something moving into bushes and says, probably nothing. The other says, that's a tiger. Which nervous system is more likely to survive if it actually is a tiger? The cautious one, right? So we become incredibly good at noticing threats, problems, rejection, danger, things that might go wrong that help keep human beings alive. But today, That tiger is an email, a Facebook comment, a news notification, a bill that comes you know in the mail, something somebody said about you. It could be a bad sales month, a political headline. Your nervous system can respond though as we are in danger. And that's why you have to be intentional about what gets your attention. Now let's add modern media to that brain. News organizations understand something. Fear gets attention. Outrage gets attention. Conflict gets attention. Everything is basically okay today. It's not a clickable headline. But this changes everything. Now you're clicking. Breaking news, now you're clicking. and social media algorithms, they don't necessarily ask, will this make Wayne more peaceful? They ask, will this keep Wayne looking at our platform? And outrage is incredibly effective at keeping people looking. So imagine the combination: a human brain already sensitive to danger, carrying a device, you know, 24 hours a day, connected to virtually every terrible event occurring anywhere on Earth. For most of human history, you only knew about problems in your village, in your city. But today you wake up and before breakfast, I've learned about a murder a thousand miles away, a war six thousand miles away, an economic prediction, a political scandal, a natural disaster, a celebrity that died, a disease outbreak, and somebody explaining on TikTok why civilization will collapse by Thursday. Then we wonder why do I feel anxious? It's because your brain wasn't designed, wasn't created to carry the suffering of eight billion people before your second cup of coffee. And here's the reality: reframing doesn't change the facts. Reframing isn't denial. Suppose you lose your job. Denial doesn't say I didn't lose my job. Positive thinking nonsense may even say, well, this is amazing. No. Maybe it isn't amazing. Maybe you're terrified. Maybe you have a mortgage, children. Maybe it hurts. Reframing says, I lost my job. That's real. But what else could this mean? Maybe I've been miserable there for five years. Maybe this forces me to finally look for something better. Maybe this means I need to learn a new skill. This is going to reveal relationships that I haven't been nurturing. Maybe this chapter ended before I wanted to, but my story isn't over. I want you to notice something here. We didn't change the event, we changed the meaning available to us. That is cognitive reappraisal. And listen, this is so important. It's not just motivational here. Cognitive reappraisal is actually what researchers have studied and called this. You're changing how you interpret a situation in order to alter its emotional impact. Now, listen to this statistic. A 2024 meta-analysis looked at 55 studies with 64 independent samples and nearly 30,000 people. They found a substantial association between cognitive reappraisal and psychological resilience. So, what does that mean, Wayne? What's the translation? People who are better. Able to reinterpret difficult situations Tend to demonstrate greater resilience. That doesn't prove that reframing magically causes every good outcome, but it tells us something important. How you interpret adversity matters. When someone tells you change the way you're looking at this, that's not necessarily empty motivational advice. Psychological science behind the concept. here's what I've learned over the last few years. And a question that I ask a lot, what else could this mean? If somebody rejects you, the initial frame is nobody wants me. The reframe is maybe this person wasn't right for me. What's going to happen in the future that I can't see? I believe in a divine God, a divine creator that looks out for me, right? If I lose a sale, then the initial frame is I'm terrible at sales. The reframe is what did this conversation expose that I can improve on before the next 10 phone calls? Your business struggles? The initial frame is I'm failing. But the reframe is maybe my current strategy isn't producing the outcome I need. What constraint do I need to overcome? Do you see much better that is? Because I'm a failure as an identity. The strategy isn't working is a problem, and problems can be solved. Now, understand this is the most important thing in this entire episode. Stop turning temporary events into permanent identities. If you failed at something, it doesn't mean you're a failure. If someone left you, it doesn't mean you're not lovable. You made a terrible financial decision, that doesn't mean you're stupid. Your business failed, that doesn't mean you're not an entrepreneur. You went through a difficult season, that doesn't mean your life is terrible. separate what happened from who you are. They're not the same thing. Now here's something else I found very fascinating. Researchers found a major meta-analysis in involving fifteen studies in more than two hundred and twenty-nine thousand people. They found that greater optimism was associated with a significantly lower risk of cardiovascular events. Hear this. Optimism was associated with a lower risk of cardiovascular events and lower all-cause mortality. All right. Now this is where Health, wealth, and happiness, this where the happiness and the health come together. It doesn't mean think happy thoughts and you'll never have a heart attack. All right. This is observational data. because optimistic people may exercise more, maybe they take care of themselves better. They d cope differently with stress. They have different relationships. There's a lot of variables involved. But the association is fascinating. Your mindset isn't merely philosophical. It can be connected with how you live. And how you live affects your body. Now, this is where I think mechanism becomes very practical. Imagine two entrepreneurs. Both lose their biggest client. A says, this proves my business is dying. What happens next? They withdraw, they stop prospecting, they sleep poorly, they complain, they procrastinate. But now entrepreneur B loses the exact same client. Okay, this hurts, but I've rebuilt before. What do I need to do now? And they call 10 prospects they analyze why the client left. They improve their offer ,they ask for referral, they take action. Positive thinking didn't magically put money in the bank account. It changed the behavior that affected the probability of future outcomes. This is enormous. Hope produces movement. Hopelessness produces surrender. Hey, look, that's good. You need to write that down. Hope produces movement. Hopelessness produces surrender. Now, understand, hope isn't the belief that nothing bad will happen. Okay? Bad things do happen. People disappoint you, businesses fail, people get sick, relationships end, people we love die, there's wars, evil, suffering. Biblical hope never required pretending otherwise. You know, in my Christian faith, it doesn't say there is no darkness. It says the light shines in darkness. That's the difference. John one five says the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness does not overcome it. Think about that imagery. Scripture acknowledges darkness. It simply refuses to give darkness the final word. That's hope. And since we're going to go into the word, let's look at the apostle Paul, which Apostle Paul wrote most of the New Testament. But in this we see that he experienced beatings, imprisonment, rejection, shipwreck, opposition, physical suffering, people abandoning him. This guy wasn't sitting in a luxury resort telling everyone to stay positive. and I love in fact he wrote in Romans eight twenty eight and we know for those who love God All things work together for good. Notice what that doesn't say. It doesn't say all things are good. Listen, cancer isn't good, abuse isn't, betrayal isn't, losing somebody is never good. It says God can work through those circumstances towards good. That is perhaps the ultimate spiritual reframe. This thing may be terrible, but God is not finished with the story. So here's one reframe you can start using immediately. Instead of constantly asking, why is this happening to me? Try asking, what can this develop in me? Radically different question. Maybe the seasons develop in patience, courage, discipline, discernment, compassion, wisdom, boundaries, faith. What is it just what is it creating in your life? Maybe the thing you would have never chosen is producing something you desperately needed. You don't have to call the pain good, but you can refuse to waste it. So here's my challenge for you. For the next 24 hours, go into a negativity fast. I'm not saying ignore legitimate problems. I'm saying monitor what you're feeding your mind. No doom scrolling, no arguing with strangers online. I have that one. That's a challenge. No repeatedly checking frightening headlines, no gossip, no rehearsing the same grievance 47 times, and especially catch your own language. Every time you hear yourself saying this is terrible, say what specifically is terrible. Everything's going wrong. Ask everything. Really? Everything? Your car started, you're breathing, someone loves you, you ate today, you have somewhere to sleep. Maybe everything isn't going wrong. Maybe three things are going wrong. And your brain turned that into your whole life is collapsing. That's reframing. So here's some questions. Number one, what are the actual facts? Not my fears, not my predictions, not what someone on Facebook thinks. What do I actually know? What is factual? Number two, what else could this mean? Could there be another interpretation, another explanation, another possibility? And then question three, here's the powerful one. What can I do next? Not how do I solve the next ten years? What's the next move? Is it a phone call, conversation, application, workout, prayer, apology, boundary, one decision? See, hope becomes powerful when it produces action. And the reality is, wow, you don't need to know how to story ends. Someone listening right now, you're in middle of something. And the middle is difficult because you don't know the ending yet. That's where fear thrives. But think about every movie you've ever watched twice. The second time you watched it, the stressful scenes don't feel quite as stressful. Why? You know what's going to happen. The characters don't, but you do. And that for me is one of the most powerful aspects of faith. I don't know what happens next, but I believe God sees beyond the scene I'm currently in. In fact, Hebrews calls faith the assurance of things hoped for. So listen, darkness is real. I want you to know this, but so is hope. Being positive doesn't mean pretending. Hope isn't denial. Reframing isn't lying to yourself. It's to learn to distinguish what happened from what you've decided that it means. You may not control what happened yesterday. You may not control the economy. You may not control Washington, D.C. or another person's decisions. And you definitely don't control everything happening in the world. but you have far more influence over one thing you probably realize. What gets your attention, what story you rehearse, what meaning you assign, and what you believe is still possible. All right. In fact, I want you to know this. You notice light more clearly when it's dark. So protect your mind. Reframe setbacks. Limit what you allow to occupy your attention and practice gratitude. Okay? Now, I want you to know this. I'm here for you. That's why I created this podcast. I have multiple businesses. I coach, but I take time to do this because I want you to create health, wealth, and happiness in your life. And I'll see you on the next episode. Share this, subscribe, and God bless.