Latest / Rock My Finances / Is there Hidden Trauma Behind Your Money Decisions?
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- 0:40Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on k FORHD
- 0:43Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
- 0:46Speaker 3: in finance. Join Powerhouse Jennifer josp CDFA CMC and private
- 0:52Speaker 3: wealth advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
- 0:56Speaker 3: control and companies with your money, your way. It's not
- 1:01Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
- 1:04Speaker 3: find out. Now Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
- 1:09Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, welcome back. I'm so glad you're sticking with
- 1:12Speaker 2: me on this. I really am hoping your life's going
- 1:14Speaker 2: differently better, changing for the better. Of course, because we've
- 1:18Speaker 2: got lots of information on this podcast, We've got lots
- 1:20Speaker 2: of different episodes. I'm glad you're here. Today might be
- 1:23Speaker 2: a little bit of a scary one for you, but
- 1:24Speaker 2: please stick it out. I promise you. I promise you
- 1:27Speaker 2: you'll feel good in the end. The hidden trauma behind
- 1:29Speaker 2: your money decision. I know we just think money's money,
- 1:33Speaker 2: it's numbers, it's math, It controls us, it is what
- 1:35Speaker 2: it is. But I can tell you that we are
- 1:37Speaker 2: making decisions based on our past experiences and if you've
- 1:41Speaker 2: ever experienced trauma, and I know there's a lot of
- 1:43Speaker 2: people that don't relate to that word, but let's just
- 1:45Speaker 2: say chaos or dysfunction. I think that's ninety percent of
- 1:49Speaker 2: the country, right, But you might not think it's you.
- 1:53Speaker 2: So hang on and maybe you recognize somebody in this episode.
- 1:56Speaker 2: Have you ever wondered why two people can have the
- 1:58Speaker 2: exact same income, the exact same financial advice maybe from
- 2:03Speaker 2: the same financial person, and completely different financial outcomes. I
- 2:07Speaker 2: mean it's kind of interesting, right, And sometimes some people
- 2:10Speaker 2: aren't even like the best of people as what we
- 2:13Speaker 2: think right there maybe might might not be kind. Like
- 2:16Speaker 2: we just don't know. So one person invests confidently while
- 2:20Speaker 2: the other person keeps in a savings account. One person
- 2:24Speaker 2: freely spends no problem, while the other person feels like
- 2:30Speaker 2: guilty buying like a cup coffee. Basically, one asks for
- 2:34Speaker 2: a raise while the other one believes they really just
- 2:36Speaker 2: don't deserve one. So we often assume the difference is
- 2:40Speaker 2: financial knowledge. And that's what you know, all the media
- 2:43Speaker 2: and everything out there would like us to believe is
- 2:44Speaker 2: that we don't know enough. They want to keep us scared,
- 2:47Speaker 2: and they want to keep us insecure around money. I
- 2:50Speaker 2: don't believe that my clients are extremely empowered and extremely
- 2:53Speaker 2: confident and do they absolutely need me. I mean they
- 2:58Speaker 2: could say not necessarily, but or and they want me
- 3:03Speaker 2: to help them make these financial decisions for the rest
- 3:06Speaker 2: of their life. So yes, we can absolutely be powered
- 3:09Speaker 2: around it. But years of coaching to people around money,
- 3:12Speaker 2: I've learned that it's usually way deeper than just knowing
- 3:16Speaker 2: what a way to return is, what a standard deviation is.
- 3:19Speaker 2: You know what we're to invest, how to invest all
- 3:21Speaker 2: that money is emotional. Yes it is. Sorry, So before
- 3:26Speaker 2: we've ever learned to balance a check book? Remember that
- 3:29Speaker 2: in school, did you guys ever have to write a book?
- 3:31Speaker 2: I had to write a check. I had to learn
- 3:33Speaker 2: how to write a check. That's it. That's all I learned.
- 3:35Speaker 2: And way before we learned about what the stock market is,
- 3:38Speaker 2: or investing, or how to create a spending plan. I
- 3:41Speaker 2: don't call it a budget because that's restrictive. I create
- 3:43Speaker 2: spending plans for my clients. So we were already learning
- 3:48Speaker 2: something far more powerful. We were learning what money actually means. So,
- 3:54Speaker 2: as children, we absorb messages without even realizing it. We
- 3:59Speaker 2: watch our parents. We listen to conversations, and we notice stress.
- 4:04Speaker 2: We notice energy, We notice anger and frustration. We notice
- 4:10Speaker 2: silent right, my mom would get mad and just be silent.
- 4:13Speaker 2: We notice withdrawing, We notice arguments, We notice fear. Those
- 4:19Speaker 2: experiences become the foundation of our relationships and our relationships
- 4:25Speaker 2: with money. Did you know you have a relationship with money? Yeah,
- 4:28Speaker 2: you do, and you should get out your money journal
- 4:30Speaker 2: right now. Maybe you grew up hearing we can't afford
- 4:33Speaker 2: that money doesn't grow on trees every day. You might
- 4:36Speaker 2: hear something even if our family eventually became very successful
- 4:39Speaker 2: and a part that you may even still believe there's
- 4:43Speaker 2: never enough because of these foundation statements that we grew
- 4:47Speaker 2: up hearing. Maybe your parents argued every time money came
- 4:51Speaker 2: up or spending came up. Today, you avoid conversations because
- 4:55Speaker 2: somewhere deep inside you, you've connected money with arguments or conflict.
- 5:01Speaker 2: Maybe you put in your little child body that your
- 5:05Speaker 2: parents divorced over money. That might not even be true,
- 5:08Speaker 2: but that is in your body, so that means that's
- 5:11Speaker 2: part of your money story and that's helping you create
- 5:14Speaker 2: decisions today. Maybe one of your parents controlled all the
- 5:17Speaker 2: finances as an adult, and either you avoid money because
- 5:21Speaker 2: it completely feels overwhelming, or you feel the need to
- 5:24Speaker 2: control every dollar because that's what safety looked like. Maybe
- 5:28Speaker 2: your family suddenly lost a job, a business failure, or
- 5:32Speaker 2: even a divorce, and even decades later, you might be
- 5:35Speaker 2: struggling with who do I trust? How if I build something,
- 5:40Speaker 2: it's not going to disappear, So you might not even
- 5:43Speaker 2: trust your spouse or your financial advisor, or not even
- 5:46Speaker 2: have one. Maybe money was used to manipulate, reward, punish control.
- 5:52Speaker 2: Now I did that when my dad would screw up completely.
- 5:55Speaker 2: My mom would go buy me stuff, not expensive things
- 5:58Speaker 2: because we were always frug but it would be like
- 6:01Speaker 2: a sweater or a sweatshirt or a jacket or something.
- 6:04Speaker 2: I even got a leather coat one time, so that
- 6:07Speaker 2: was rewarding me for my dad's bad behavior. Like, how
- 6:11Speaker 2: does that even make sense? Right? If that's what you experienced,
- 6:14Speaker 2: it's understandable that money today feels very emotionally charged. And
- 6:19Speaker 2: rather than just simply chuo plus two as four or
- 6:22Speaker 2: what you make, what you spend, the rest is yours
- 6:24Speaker 2: to save, it's not as easy as that. So this
- 6:27Speaker 2: is what I want you to hear. These experiences are
- 6:31Speaker 2: not your fault. They're not. They're actually experiences that are
- 6:37Speaker 2: locked inside your subconscious, your muscle memory, in your body.
- 6:42Speaker 2: So it's our work to figure this out. It's not
- 6:45Speaker 2: your fault, and they still may be influencing your money
- 6:49Speaker 2: decisions today. Many of us are making adult decisions with
- 6:52Speaker 2: beliefs formed as an eight year old. Like there's this
- 6:56Speaker 2: one story that we've talked to this little boy and
- 7:00Speaker 2: or a man now, right, Because I do money coaching
- 7:02Speaker 2: as well, so I take people through their childhoods and
- 7:05Speaker 2: who influenced them growing up and all that. There's this
- 7:07Speaker 2: one client that said that he always loved to live
- 7:12Speaker 2: by water. He always had to live by water, and
- 7:14Speaker 2: he was always being able to see water coming out
- 7:18Speaker 2: through his living room window. He was always thinking that
- 7:22Speaker 2: owning a boat brought wealth. So we tracked that back
- 7:26Speaker 2: and what it was was he wanted a red bike,
- 7:30Speaker 2: and his mom would always say, we have to wait
- 7:33Speaker 2: till your dad's ship comes in. So he would always
- 7:36Speaker 2: sit out the living room window and look at the
- 7:38Speaker 2: water and wait for ships to arrive because he thought
- 7:41Speaker 2: that would bring money to buy his red bike. He
- 7:44Speaker 2: had no idea that that thought was locked in his
- 7:47Speaker 2: brand as a subconscious thought that money equals boats equal money.
- 7:53Speaker 2: Isn't that interesting? I find that so interesting. He was
- 7:55Speaker 2: amazing business owner, actually doubled his income after he coached
- 7:59Speaker 2: with me for a little while. But you know, can't
- 8:00Speaker 2: guarantee any of that, so don't even think about it. Okay,
- 8:03Speaker 2: Your brain is actually trying to protect you, so we
- 8:07Speaker 2: know exactly what we should do when we're in a
- 8:09Speaker 2: struggle because our emotions are pulling us in different directions
- 8:11Speaker 2: and we get we get confused, right, But our brain's
- 8:15Speaker 2: just trying to protect us. It remembers the pain from childhood,
- 8:19Speaker 2: so it doesn't want you to go back to that pain.
- 8:21Speaker 2: The problem is our brains cannot distinguish between what happened
- 8:25Speaker 2: years ago and what's happening today. It also can't distinguish
- 8:30Speaker 2: between a thought that we had years ago and the
- 8:34Speaker 2: actual thing. Because wait, your dad's ship come in. That
- 8:38Speaker 2: thought was money comes in on bot That was a
- 8:41Speaker 2: thought that the child created that he kept into adulthood.
- 8:44Speaker 2: When actuality that just meant we're waiting for his dad's
- 8:47Speaker 2: big check or a big commission check, or a big
- 8:50Speaker 2: job or whatever it might be. Right, So thoughts are
- 8:53Speaker 2: not always accurate, but they create our reality. If you
- 8:56Speaker 2: grew up in uncertainty, your brain may still seek certain
- 9:00Speaker 2: at all costs. It wants to feel safe. Right. If
- 9:04Speaker 2: you grew up with scarcity, you know, money doesn't grow
- 9:07Speaker 2: on trees, you know all that stuff, your brain may
- 9:10Speaker 2: still believe there's never enough. So I have some clients
- 9:13Speaker 2: that believe that if somebody else is making money, they
- 9:17Speaker 2: cannot make the same amount of money, so they actually
- 9:19Speaker 2: resent wealthy people. So then their brain starts making up
- 9:23Speaker 2: that wealthy people are all bad. Then they start making
- 9:25Speaker 2: up that everyone's greedy and out for themselves, and then
- 9:28Speaker 2: they'll never make money in their life. These people either
- 9:32Speaker 2: you know, become just proud of themselves for not making money.
- 9:38Speaker 2: So and it's really just not about that. Those are
- 9:41Speaker 2: childhood childhood thoughts that created the circumstance they're in now.
- 9:46Speaker 2: If you grew up believing your worth depended on achievement,
- 9:50Speaker 2: like mine did, you may tie yourself worth to net income,
- 9:54Speaker 2: which I did. I believed myself because I always got
- 10:00Speaker 2: attention when I did something good, successful, grades, made money,
- 10:04Speaker 2: got a good job, and was never about who I
- 10:06Speaker 2: was as a person. It was about what I accomplished
- 10:09Speaker 2: and what I did. So my self worth was tied
- 10:13Speaker 2: up to doing well, which of course in sales, I
- 10:15Speaker 2: crushed it because I had to in order to have
- 10:18Speaker 2: a good self worth. So when I got my amazing coach, Mavoo,
- 10:21Speaker 2: she was amazing. She helped me realize that my self
- 10:24Speaker 2: worth was tied into what people think about me because
- 10:28Speaker 2: of status, success, money, relationships, whatever it might be. When actuality,
- 10:34Speaker 2: self worth is deep, it's internal. It's a belief that
- 10:37Speaker 2: you are valuable simply because you breathe, you exist, you live.
- 10:42Speaker 2: It is not because what you earn achieve, what you own,
- 10:47Speaker 2: what you look like. That's a big one these days
- 10:49Speaker 2: with social media or how other people treat you. It
- 10:52Speaker 2: has nothing to do with other people. Self worth is
- 10:55Speaker 2: very different than self esteem. So self esteem is how
- 10:59Speaker 2: you feel about your abilities or your performance and how
- 11:02Speaker 2: it can go up or down depending on your success
- 11:05Speaker 2: or your failure. Self worth is your belief that you
- 11:09Speaker 2: have inherent value, regardless of your accomplishments or circumstances. So
- 11:16Speaker 2: self worth doesn't have anything to do with the outside.
- 11:19Speaker 2: It's how I feel. For an example, someone with healthy
- 11:24Speaker 2: self worth might think I made a mistake, but that
- 11:28Speaker 2: doesn't make me a failure. I'm going to learn from it.
- 11:30Speaker 2: Someone was whose self worth is tied to external things
- 11:34Speaker 2: would say I lost money in the market. I am
- 11:37Speaker 2: so bad with money. And if you tell yourself that
- 11:40Speaker 2: over and over and over again, you're thinking that you
- 11:42Speaker 2: can't do anything with money. I have so many clients
- 11:45Speaker 2: come to me that they just think they're terrible with money.
- 11:48Speaker 2: And all we do is educate, show up our self esteem,
- 11:52Speaker 2: find out why our self worth is crushed, fix all that,
- 11:56Speaker 2: at least on the path to fixing that, and their
- 11:58Speaker 2: money changes always. It just always changes. So then it's
- 12:02Speaker 2: becoming I'm on the road to learning what I need
- 12:06Speaker 2: to learn to make sure that I feel safe with
- 12:09Speaker 2: my money. Right, it's great, So the question begins, how
- 12:12Speaker 2: do we begin changing That first coaching step is awareness.
- 12:16Speaker 2: So the next time you feel anxious about money, don't
- 12:19Speaker 2: immediately ask what's wrong with my finances? We're going to
- 12:22Speaker 2: change that instead. What story am I telling myself right now?
- 12:26Speaker 2: Is this story that there's never enough? Is this story
- 12:31Speaker 2: that I'm going to lose everything? Is this story that
- 12:33Speaker 2: I don't deserve success? I had this thought. I thought,
- 12:39Speaker 2: as some of you may know my story or not,
- 12:40Speaker 2: but I lost two children thirty three years ago. Actually,
- 12:44Speaker 2: and I had a belief in my subconscious that I
- 12:48Speaker 2: did not deserve love, happiness, or wealth. I did not
- 12:52Speaker 2: deserve that because I did not save my children, I
- 12:57Speaker 2: did not protect them. I didn't know I had that
- 12:59Speaker 2: belief until I got my amazing coach right she found
- 13:01Speaker 2: that belief. Within three days, my life changed drastically. I
- 13:05Speaker 2: just found that belief, breathed into it, got rid of it,
- 13:09Speaker 2: did some journaling, did some exercises done with that belief,
- 13:12Speaker 2: and my money life completely improved. So we have to
- 13:16Speaker 2: find what's out there first. What's there first? Why are
- 13:19Speaker 2: we feeling anxious about money? So? What story am I
- 13:22Speaker 2: telling myself right now? Is it that money creates conflict?
- 13:26Speaker 2: This is where the healing begins. Is awareness, a right awareness.
- 13:32Speaker 2: So a money story is the collection of beliefs, emotions, experiences,
- 13:37Speaker 2: and messages that we've absorbed about money throughout our life.
- 13:41Speaker 2: It's not your fault. It is the invisible script that
- 13:45Speaker 2: influences how you earn, spend, save, give, and think about
- 13:51Speaker 2: your wealth, your money, often without even realizing it. Everyone
- 13:55Speaker 2: has the money story. So your money story begins in childhood,
- 14:00Speaker 2: long before you understood budgets or investing or saving or
- 14:03Speaker 2: anything anything before you learned. You know, money is hard
- 14:07Speaker 2: to earn. You might have earned money is hard to earn.
- 14:11Speaker 2: There's never enough reach. Rich people are guilt greedy. You
- 14:14Speaker 2: have to work hard for every dollar. My household was
- 14:17Speaker 2: work hard, earned money. We work seven days a week
- 14:19Speaker 2: through and six five days a year, no vacations, no nothing.
- 14:22Speaker 2: So we were business owners and I just thought that's
- 14:24Speaker 2: the way it was. It's selfish to spend money on yourself.
- 14:27Speaker 2: I have a lot of women clients come to me
- 14:29Speaker 2: on that debt is normal. I don't have too many
- 14:33Speaker 2: of that. Talking about money is rude. I do hear
- 14:36Speaker 2: that a lot, which I want to dismay that myth.
- 14:39Speaker 2: Women need to talk about money. We need to understand
- 14:42Speaker 2: what other people are going through, what they're feeling, what
- 14:44Speaker 2: they're making. We never even talk about what we make.
- 14:47Speaker 2: So everybody that comes to me feels like they don't
- 14:49Speaker 2: make enough, they're not doing enough, they don't know enough
- 14:52Speaker 2: because they don't realize their average, just like everybody else.
- 14:55Speaker 2: Because we were taught not to talk about money and
- 14:58Speaker 2: politics and religion, right, change that. Talk about money. Get
- 15:02Speaker 2: your friends, get a group together that want to do
- 15:04Speaker 2: better with their money, talk about it, share it, Get
- 15:06Speaker 2: those embarrassing things out so that we can get rid
- 15:09Speaker 2: of it. Dismay that those all those myths. We also
- 15:14Speaker 2: might be thinking success means having expensive things. That is
- 15:18Speaker 2: absolutely not true. If I've made money, people might expect
- 15:21Speaker 2: something from me that is a lot. And if you
- 15:24Speaker 2: make millions, they are going to and that's okay. When
- 15:26Speaker 2: we make more, we will have different problems. It's okay,
- 15:30Speaker 2: we can handle them all. Some of these messages come
- 15:33Speaker 2: from words. Some of them come from past experiences. So
- 15:36Speaker 2: we need to find out Number one awareness, What is
- 15:40Speaker 2: my money story telling me? Now? What am I thinking now?
- 15:44Speaker 2: Second thing is curiosity. Instead of criticizing yourself for financial
- 15:49Speaker 2: bad habits, let's be curious about them. Where did I
- 15:52Speaker 2: first learn how to do this? Or where did I
- 15:55Speaker 2: first learn money doesn't grow on trees? Or where did
- 15:58Speaker 2: I first learn make hard, work hard, make money? Now,
- 16:01Speaker 2: when I look back at that, of course, my parents
- 16:04Speaker 2: were broke, like they were so broken till the seventies,
- 16:08Speaker 2: and so work hard, make money was all they knew
- 16:10Speaker 2: how to do. So when I learned that that was
- 16:13Speaker 2: their emotional thoughts around money, and that was their money story,
- 16:17Speaker 2: it does not need to be mine. So when I
- 16:19Speaker 2: started taking care of myself, looking inward, doing coaching therapy,
- 16:24Speaker 2: all of that, I worked less and made more. So
- 16:28Speaker 2: work hard make money was not true for me anymore.
- 16:31Speaker 2: So I got to redo that myth right, So this
- 16:35Speaker 2: week I encourage you to spend a few minutes journaling
- 16:38Speaker 2: about your money story, and you should have a money journal,
- 16:42Speaker 2: should have what it could is. I know, sorry, I
- 16:43Speaker 2: didn't mean to. Should you you could if you so
- 16:47Speaker 2: choose to get a money journal and to go through
- 16:49Speaker 2: all my episodes and do all the wonderful work. So
- 16:52Speaker 2: journaling about your money story. Write it down your earliest
- 16:55Speaker 2: memory of money, and what did you hear your parents
- 16:58Speaker 2: or caregivers or adult say. When did they how did
- 17:03Speaker 2: they handle money? When did they handle money? What were
- 17:05Speaker 2: they saying when they handled money? Did they argue about it?
- 17:08Speaker 2: Did they avoid talking about it? Did they say, you know,
- 17:11Speaker 2: save every penny or spend freely? Or were they worrying constantly.
- 17:16Speaker 2: I had a client whose mom always did the bills,
- 17:19Speaker 2: and she would just be so stressed out every time
- 17:22Speaker 2: she did the bills. She had no idea she was
- 17:25Speaker 2: giving off these this energy to her kids. She would
- 17:28Speaker 2: did not do anything on purpose. This is not here
- 17:30Speaker 2: to beat up parents, y'all. I'm a parent. You can
- 17:32Speaker 2: beat me up, I know that. But that's not about that.
- 17:34Speaker 2: That's just about your parents' reality in the moment when
- 17:37Speaker 2: they were doing the best they could. All of our
- 17:39Speaker 2: adults in our lives have done the best they could.
- 17:41Speaker 2: No one ever wants to hurt us or wound us.
- 17:44Speaker 2: So we all know that we're not trying to beat that,
- 17:46Speaker 2: you know, beat them up or anything like that. We
- 17:48Speaker 2: just have to be aware of the fact that that's
- 17:50Speaker 2: their money story, not mine. I'm not choosing to put
- 17:53Speaker 2: that on right, so I'm going to change that right.
- 17:57Speaker 2: So I want to encourage you to think about that.
- 18:00Speaker 2: Where did it come from those experiences? How did they
- 18:04Speaker 2: make you feel as a child? The F word my
- 18:06Speaker 2: favorite F word? Feel Did you feel safe? Did you
- 18:09Speaker 2: feel anxious? Did you feel ashamed or guilty? Did you
- 18:13Speaker 2: feel fearful? Pull up the emotional scale or you can
- 18:17Speaker 2: google it, you can, you know, whatever, whatever you use,
- 18:20Speaker 2: just say emotional scale and it's going to give you
- 18:22Speaker 2: all the emotions in the book. So if you don't
- 18:25Speaker 2: know all your emotions, look at that. It's a great
- 18:28Speaker 2: learning tool. How did I really feel when they, like
- 18:32Speaker 2: when my mom would buy me the leather jacket, how
- 18:34Speaker 2: did I feel? Well? I felt guilty because it had
- 18:37Speaker 2: nothing to do with me and it was fake. And
- 18:40Speaker 2: so now to this day, I have to have somebody
- 18:43Speaker 2: know me in order for me to accept a compliment.
- 18:47Speaker 2: If they just are giving me a compliment, it doesn't
- 18:50Speaker 2: mean anything to me because they don't know who I am.
- 18:53Speaker 2: So you can imagine how that affects my dating life
- 18:55Speaker 2: because you don't know anybody in the beginning, right, It
- 18:59Speaker 2: takes a while for a peace able to get to
- 19:00Speaker 2: know you. For me to be able to really feel
- 19:03Speaker 2: someone cares about me, they got to really know me.
- 19:06Speaker 2: So that's you know, that's just one of my things.
- 19:09Speaker 2: And I know that comes from childhood. The feelings often
- 19:12Speaker 2: come become our foundation around our adult behaviors. It could
- 19:17Speaker 2: be financial, it could be relationship, it could be work,
- 19:19Speaker 2: it could be anything. So we're going to ask ourselves
- 19:22Speaker 2: is this belief still serving me today? Does it help me?
- 19:28Speaker 2: Is it more of what I'm believing or someone else?
- 19:31Speaker 2: So if the answer is no, write a new belief
- 19:34Speaker 2: that does reflect the person who you want to become.
- 19:38Speaker 2: So money doesn't grow A work hard make money was
- 19:41Speaker 2: the thought, right, So then I had to read change.
- 19:45Speaker 2: I had to change that belief too. Money is coming
- 19:48Speaker 2: to me easily and effortlessly daily. That's what I had
- 19:51Speaker 2: to change that belief to. We have to find those
- 19:54Speaker 2: hidden beliefs. I hope that makes sense. So remember awareness
- 19:58Speaker 2: is the first step, and the second step is rewriting
- 20:01Speaker 2: your money story. So we have to be intentionally being
- 20:05Speaker 2: conscious of how we're feeling in the moment when we're
- 20:08Speaker 2: making decisions. So this sometimes is a lot of work
- 20:11Speaker 2: for someone who isn't like me. I was like so busy.
- 20:14Speaker 2: I had so many things on my calendar, so many
- 20:16Speaker 2: people to talk to, just stayed busy, da da da.
- 20:19Speaker 2: I had no idea what I was feeling or thinking
- 20:21Speaker 2: and how that was tied to anything, because I was
- 20:23Speaker 2: just so busy, busy, busy, busy. So I had to
- 20:25Speaker 2: slow down start saying no. As Oprah tells us, no
- 20:29Speaker 2: is a complete answer. You do not need to explain
- 20:31Speaker 2: anything to anyone. Sorry, that doesn't work for me. Thank
- 20:34Speaker 2: you for the invite, but I'll have to pass this time.
- 20:36Speaker 2: Hope you have a blast. I don't need to give
- 20:38Speaker 2: a reason for anything that I do, so no is
- 20:42Speaker 2: a complete answer. So I needed to step back, take
- 20:45Speaker 2: more time for myself, get to know myself more, spend
- 20:48Speaker 2: some more quiet time, journaling music. It was difficult for
- 20:51Speaker 2: me to do quiet time in the beginning, so I
- 20:53Speaker 2: had a lot of music, a lot of TV around.
- 20:55Speaker 2: Whatever it takes to get you to go inward, we
- 20:57Speaker 2: have to figure that out, and it's a step by step.
- 20:59Speaker 2: Prop says, right, so we're gonna go inward. The third
- 21:03Speaker 2: step is to separate facts from feelings. For example, if
- 21:08Speaker 2: your investments are down this month, that's a fact. The
- 21:12Speaker 2: story that you're telling yourself is everything will never recover.
- 21:15Speaker 2: That's a feeling. I'm gonna lose everything. That's a feeling. Okay,
- 21:19Speaker 2: So first step is awareness. Second step is is that
- 21:22Speaker 2: your belief still or do you need to create a
- 21:24Speaker 2: new belief. So now my new belief is money is
- 21:27Speaker 2: coming to me easily and effortlessly daily. Now I need
- 21:31Speaker 2: to look at is that when something happens, is that
- 21:34Speaker 2: a feeling that I'm worried? So when the market goes
- 21:36Speaker 2: down or I don't get the interest I thought, or
- 21:39Speaker 2: whatever it is. It could even be in a relationship,
- 21:41Speaker 2: right if someone's mean to me or doesn't answer my
- 21:44Speaker 2: text back or whatever, is that a thought, a fact
- 21:47Speaker 2: or a feeling. So is that true that they don't
- 21:51Speaker 2: like me because they didn't answer my text back. No,
- 21:53Speaker 2: that is not a fact. That is a feeling of abandonment.
- 21:58Speaker 2: So then we go back to Okay, that's me. That
- 22:00Speaker 2: has nothing to do with the market. It's nothing to
- 22:02Speaker 2: do with someone else. That's all me. Does that make sense?
- 22:06Speaker 2: So learning to separate facts from emotional stories that we're
- 22:09Speaker 2: telling ourselves is one of the healthiest financial habits that
- 22:13Speaker 2: you can develop. Also for relationships, everything, how we feel
- 22:16Speaker 2: about one thing is how we feel about everything. When
- 22:19Speaker 2: you feel about your money one way, or a relationship
- 22:21Speaker 2: one way, or job one way, or somebody at work
- 22:23Speaker 2: one way, everything is all tied together. So when we
- 22:27Speaker 2: look at one thing, most of the time other things
- 22:30Speaker 2: improve in our lives, which is very exciting. So that
- 22:33Speaker 2: is learning fact from our emotional story that are telling ourselves.
- 22:38Speaker 2: So finally, ask yourself, if I weren't afraid, what would
- 22:43Speaker 2: my wisest self do next? Not the perfect step and
- 22:48Speaker 2: not the biggest step, and not the final step, just
- 22:52Speaker 2: the next best step. Maybe it's reviewing your spending plan.
- 22:57Speaker 2: Maybe it's talking to a financial advisor. Maybe it's in
- 23:00Speaker 2: increasing your savings. Maybe it's only going to Starbucks once
- 23:04Speaker 2: a month on a treat. Maybe it's not making a
- 23:08Speaker 2: financial decision for twenty four hours. It could be any
- 23:12Speaker 2: of those. Remember feeling deserving to be acknowledged, but they
- 23:17Speaker 2: don't deserve all of your financial decisions. So feelings are different, right.
- 23:22Speaker 2: The more you learn to separate fact from feeling, the
- 23:26Speaker 2: more you're going to respond with wisdom instead of fear
- 23:29Speaker 2: in all of your decisions. So the fourth coaching step
- 23:32Speaker 2: and the last one, I challenge you inherited beliefs. Ask yourself,
- 23:37Speaker 2: is this belief actually true? Is it something that I
- 23:39Speaker 2: want that I learn growing up? Or am I going
- 23:42Speaker 2: to keep it? So now you're going to create all
- 23:44Speaker 2: your new money beliefs. I hope you enjoy today's We're
- 23:47Speaker 2: going to go over all your homework today. Right Number one,
- 23:50Speaker 2: awareness number one? What am I actually telling myself right now?
- 23:55Speaker 2: Number two? Is that something that came from childhood? Work hard,
- 24:00Speaker 2: make money? Is that my childhood or is that something
- 24:04Speaker 2: real for me? So we're going to excavate underneath our
- 24:07Speaker 2: true beliefs that we're holding. Number three, we're going to
- 24:13Speaker 2: ask ourselves is that a fact or a feeling? Back
- 24:17Speaker 2: or feeling? And number four, we're going to create all
- 24:19Speaker 2: of our new money beliefs. Put them on the refrigerator,
- 24:22Speaker 2: put them on your phone, put them on your dash
- 24:23Speaker 2: of your car, wherever you spend time. Put them on
- 24:26Speaker 2: your bathroom mirror. I have lots of little post its
- 24:28Speaker 2: on my bathroom mirror a lot of times when I'm
- 24:30Speaker 2: going through personal growth phases. And then you are going
- 24:33Speaker 2: to walk away with a better relationship with money. I
- 24:35Speaker 2: promise you it will be different, it will change, and
- 24:37Speaker 2: it'll feel so much better, and then other things will
- 24:40Speaker 2: improve in your life. I want you to be able
- 24:42Speaker 2: to do these steps, and I want you to be
- 24:44Speaker 2: able to walk away and say I rock my Finances.
- 24:49Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
- 24:52Speaker 3: subscribe to to rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
- 24:55Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
- 25:00Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
- 25:03Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
- 25:07Speaker 3: It's about the F word. Feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
- 25:11Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
- 25:14Speaker 3: say I rock my Finances.