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The Influence Advantage · Life and How to Live It with Dr Rocco

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Do you sometimes feel like life is passing you by?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: How would you like to get more out of life?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_02: We explore all things life on this podcast.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Life and How to Live It podcast with Dr.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Rachel.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Life and How to Live It.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Run and laugh and love every minute.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Life and How to Live It.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Dream, create, connect, just live it.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to another episode of the Life and How to Live It podcast with me, Dr.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Rocco.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: In today's episode, we will be exploring the topic of influence or the ability to influence others.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: I am thrilled to be joined for this conversation by Paige Karstensen.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: Paige and I met a few years back when we were both attending the ACT Leadership and Performance Coaching Program at Brown University.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: That program lasted about a year, and so Paige and I got to know each other, became friends, and enjoy being colleagues and keeping in touch regarding coaching issues.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: Paige is the founder and president of Luminal Development, where she helps nonprofit organizations and mission-driven leaders build the kind of cultures where people are excited to show up on Monday morning.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: Paige is an ICF accredited coach with a master's degree in education and a bachelor's in communication.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: She combines research-backed strategies and real-world experience to help managers lead and employees perform with confidence and authenticity.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: Paige, welcome to the show.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Rocco.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to be here and talk a little bit more about influence today.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Paige, I'm really, I'm really psyched to see you and to have you here on the show today to talk about this topic.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I I've just, you know, put myself in the listeners' shoes and say, you know, there might be a listener out there saying, you know, I'm not, I'm not in a leadership position.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what does this topic of influence have to do with me?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: What would you tell them?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so um in my coaching practice, I work with people at all ends of the spectrum.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I am working with people who are in high leadership seats, like CEOs and, you know, chief execs.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: But more often than not, I'm working with folks who don't necessarily have a formal title or who may have a title that's a little lower down the food chain.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that I've learned over my coaching work is that when we're talking about leadership, it is so infrequently about titles.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I always like to pull up this quote by Simon Sinek.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Senec says that a leader without a title is better than a title without the ability to lead.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think that that is a really powerful quote.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because when I want to think about leadership and coach around leadership, I'm really not talking about that title.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about leaning into influence over authority.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we all have moments, whether we're at work or whether we're at home in our own personal lives, where we want to influence the situation and we know that things could be a way that is better than they are.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when we're gonna tap into that leadership potential that we all have inside of us or that influence.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: And and, you know, I think there's a lot of reasons that people would want to have influence, you know?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's like we all want to have an impact in the world, you know, whether that world is our family, whether it's our community, or whether it's the workplace, you know, the ability to have influence or know how to influence people is is really important.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, what what are some ways that people can influence others?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, one of the things I always start with is the concept of really authentically showing up as yourself.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm not saying you go into work and just, you know, air every piece of dirty laundry you have, right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: But one of the things that people respond to is when you are being you, when you are really showing up as your full self.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that is true whether you're talking about, you know, dinner with your in-laws or whether you're talking about a check-in with your boss.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: The more authentically you can show up, the more likely people are to respond to you.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's always the first tip that I give people is to figure out how to tap into your authentic self.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think that's a really good one, you know, because when we don't want to listen to phony people, you know, we just don't.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we don't want to listen to someone who's like playing some kind of role, whether, you know, that's in a personal relationship or or definitely at work, you know.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that's one of the things when people are pulled, you know, and they say, what do they want out of a leader?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: They want them to be authentic.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I think that's a really good place to start.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like be yourself, be authentic, show some vulnerability sometimes.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Don't, you know, like if you're the leader, you don't have all the answers all the time.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it's okay to say that.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's critical too, because even though we're speaking to people who have all different roles and responsibilities, we know that um whether you're a leader or not, there are times where you don't know what's going to happen.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: There are times where life is ambiguous, the work is ambiguous.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And people respect when you're able to articulate that rather than pretend that you know everything and have all the answers.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Also true, even if you're entry level, it's okay to say, hey, I don't know how to do this yet, right?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And to ask for help and to get to that place.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: People would much rather help you figure something out than have to correct for it later.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: So, so aside from being authentic, are there any other ideas about influence?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So some of the things I, when I look at my newer leaders or the people that I'm coaching, I think that there is what I like to call this concept of um 80% solution.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: So when I talk about 80% solution, what I mean is that it's easy to see problems.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: We all see them everywhere, right?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: It could be the way that your partner loads the dishwasher is a huge problem for you.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It could be the way that uh a colleague is handling um conversations with one of your clients, right?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's we're all gonna see things that we know are not working.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: What's easy to do is to share the problem.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're all really good at seeing problems and spotting them and pointing them out, right?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: But what's harder to do is to actually say, what could we do differently?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so this concept of 80% solution is where you walk into a situation, seeing a problem and being able to articulate it, but also saying, I have a thought about how we could fix it.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I say 80% because no one is expected to come up with a perfect solution for a challenge by themselves.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it's very hard to do that.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are all better when we use our collective minds, right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: But coming in and saying, hey, I see a problem is different than saying, hey, I see a problem and I had a thought about how to fix it.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Could we chat?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's something that is much more compelling about the latter version.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And people are tend tend to really respond and then go back and forth and try to figure out like, what is the way that we can solve this problem?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this is not just in the workplace, right?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can use this at home as well, for sure.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I I I think that's a really good point.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, this one of like, you know, nobody likes that person who just points out problems all the time, you know?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it w you know, and let's let's just keep this one to the workplace.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if if you're that person who's constantly finding issues and never offering any idea about how to get around it, like nobody wants to hear that.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's it's it's just negative, you know, it's just brings people down.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it's demotivating, right?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, especially if you're the person who's tasked with fixing the problem and you know, you're constantly hearing problems, but no thoughts on how things might be better, uh, it can become very hard to listen to that person, right?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or want to work with that person.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so that 80% solution piece can make a huge, huge difference in terms of how you're perceived at work, no matter what your title is.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, good point.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: I I'd like to just to clarify the the 80% solution idea.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: So when you say 80% solution, do you mean that you're coming up with 80% of the answer?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Or is it just like helping you get to 80%?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Or or part of the way down the road, let's just say, you know?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's part of the way down the road.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: If it helps to say 50% solution, great, do that.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: The reason I lean into 80 is because the more close you can have a solution when you walk into a problem-solving conversation, the more productive that conversation will be.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there may be times where you truly don't have an 80% solution.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You might see a problem and feel really stumped.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where you can utilize that concept of your authenticity here, where you can say, listen, I see this problem and I don't want to just be a complainer, but I genuinely am not sure how to solve it.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Could we get a team together and brainstorm?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Even there, I just proposed a, let's say, 10% solution, right?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Where I said, all right, let's all come together and brainstorm this because I don't have one.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: There may be times when that's true and that's okay.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: But whenever possible, coming in with as close to a full solution as possible to get the conversation rolling tends to be the most impactful.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, you don't need uh to to have already cooked up 80% of an answer before you start getting down that road.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: And and truly, given the complexity of of our lives, of our work at our workplaces, maybe 80% is the is the best you can ever get to.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if you start with 15, 20%, you may get to 80 with everyone like, you know, giving their input, etc.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: But 80 is way better than zero, you know.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, any other ideas about ways that people uh can influence others?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things that I always push people to do is to remember that what motivates me may not motivate you.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you're working with people closely, and again, that's true at work, it's also true at home.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing what inspires and motivates people to do things can be really, really powerful.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and tapping into that.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a coachy once who really wanted to implement a mentorship program at her office.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: She felt like it would really improve the culture.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: She was a lower-level employee and thought it would be something that would be really beneficial to her and her peers, kind of at the bottom of the chain.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And she also knew that her boss was overworked and overstressed, not necessarily super interested in starting one more thing.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: But what she did know is that her boss was very motivated by data.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: He was a real numbers guy.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know if you know about disc listeners, but he was a C on the disc.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: So he was very conscientious, very, very into data.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And she did a lot of research.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: She did her homework and she was able to present this problem to him, first of all, with an 80% solution.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: She already had the idea of how she wanted the mentorship program to look and she was willing to take it on.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: She also was able to motivate him.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: She found his why by sharing really hard statistics about how well companies do when they have really strong mentorship programs.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: She was able to show him that most Fortune 500 companies have them.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: She could pull out stats about the implications on lower level success as well as company metrics.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that was not why she wanted to do the program at all.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't care about any of those stats, right?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: But she knew that he did.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so coming to him with that thought of, I know what motivates you, I have found your why, allowed her to push that program through to actual fruition, which might not have happened if she leaned into it with like, I really want to do this because my peers and I are looking for development opportunities that may not have motivated him in the same way.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you've said so much there that, you know, I want to take a step back.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, you mentioned DISC, right?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure many listeners are not familiar with disk.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to just say two words about disk so that people know like what the context of that is?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: So disk is one of the assessments that I like to use in my work.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it is a behavioral assessment based on people's emotions, needs, um, wants, and fears.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And there are four types of disk profiles.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us show all of them at some point.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the D stands for dominant, the I stands for influence, the C stands for conscientious, and the S stands for steadiness.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so in the case of this story, the manager in question was a high C, meaning he was extremely motivated by that type of data.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've done the disc.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I I do not um uh do the disc on my clients, but I've had it done to me, and I am an IS.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: An IS.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't surprise me.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that does right.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: And uh how about you?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: What are you?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an ID.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: ID.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: So so if people are interested in this, I mean clearly you would you would need to be assessed by someone who's trained in disc, but I think there's some online quizzes and things like that to just play with it if you're interested.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: There are.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: There are some there are some free options online where you can get a sense of what your style is.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's a really simple assessment that can be a very powerful tool to understand more about how people want to be communicated with.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: And these these kinds of tools like the disc are really valuable to help you understand yourself and how maybe other people are different, right?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so the other thing that you talked about that is super important is you know, understanding the other person's why, you know, what, you know, why, what's the other, what's important to the other person, what's their values, you know, that why.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and um Stephen Covey had like in the uh seven habits of highly effective people, he one of them was first seek first to understand and then to be understood.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: So it's this idea of like, you know, if you really want to be, you know, an effective person or a person with influence, you need to understand what motivates the people around you.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's um interesting because Disc always talks about the platinum rule, which is different than the golden rule.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when we talk about the golden rule, I'm sure you've heard it before, it's treat others as you would want to be treated, right?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and the platinum rule pushes that one step further and instead says treat others as they would want to be treated, remembering that as humans, we actually all do have different desires and motivations.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: And and like if if you could do just one thing to be a more influential person, that would be the thing.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: You would just really treat others how they want to be treated, you know?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like understand, and and but that's not simple.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: You have to first understand who they are, which means you have to be a good listener, you have to be observant, you have to be humble.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's a lot there, but once you know what they want or what makes them tick, as some people say, uh, then you can be very influential.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the things that's important to remember is that you can also ask people.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think we have this sort of idea that we have to do this deep digging and sort of figure it out on our own.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that's not impactful, but it can be very powerful just to say to someone that you work with regularly, hey, what motivates you?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is usually different for everyone, and you'll be surprised sometimes by people's answers.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I like that, you know, because it doesn't have to be like some sort of stealth mission that you're always on, right?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: It can just be, you know, hey, I'm just curious, you know, what what what's important to you here?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, definitely.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's really that's really good.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's really good, Paige.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: What else?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: You got any other ideas for us on this this issue?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, so many ideas.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: So your podcast, your podcast is not long enough.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm just kidding.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when we were just talking about finding someone's why, and I brought up this concept of asking them, I think using questions about 50% more than you think you need to is a very powerful way to influence.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that sounds a little weird, so bear with me.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: But when we ask good questions, it really helps us as a group start to think more clearly.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: It also allows us a little influence in steering the ship.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: So when we question again, 50% more than you need to, rather than responding immediately, asking a follow-up question, asking another follow-up question.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Even though we're not doing the talking, we're doing a ton of learning and we're supporting others to really drill down on what they're thinking as well.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So leaning into questioning more than answering is a critical way to be a strong leader or influencer.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I like that.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's something we were trained in our in our coaching program is asking questions, asking powerful questions, you know, asking uh questions that make people think, you know.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: So um, yes, asking questions.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: What else?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think when um when I'm thinking about these questions, just a couple that I would want to put out is that when we're asking them, the purpose of asking them is yes, to learn more, but also to make sure that the person you're working with knows where they're going.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: So asking questions like, what problem are we trying to solve?
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or what's our biggest priority here?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or how will this affect X group, whether it's our clients or the other team, et cetera?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: So just being really thoughtful about the type of questions, I think is really critical to doing influence work really well.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Asking, asking the right kinds of questions.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't know if this is someplace where you're going to go eventually, but I think it's really powerful once you like kind of have these ideas, you know, like you've asked questions, you you kind of know what you're thinking.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think storytelling is super important to be to have influence, you know.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: And and when I say storytelling, I'm not saying you gotta like spin a yarn, like a long story, you know, but just even even something as simple as like, you know, when JFK talked about the Apollo mission, you know, in the early 60s, you know, he the story and the vision were were pretty were pretty straightforward.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: It was like one sentence.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: It was like, by the end of this decade, we will send a man to the moon and back safely.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's a bit of a story.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's a vision, it's an aspiration.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: But there like you can kind of see it, like someone going to the moon and then coming back safely.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, you need both parts.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: You can't just send them to the moon and forget about them, you know.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: So that was the idea.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: That was the story.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that if you want to be, you know, a person with influence, painting a picture really helps.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think when I think about, you know, running, for example, a workshop or a coaching session, I always think about what will be true at the end, right?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you know, when we be we're training to be coaches, we ask our clients to come in with a topic.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the topic of our coaching today will be, and then in a way, we're almost doing a little storytelling there, right?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're effective during this time, what will be true?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that what will be true is the story that you then back your way into, right?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you said, This is what I want to be true, and I'm over here.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get to what I want to be true.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I I love thinking of that as a story because it really, you know, it really kind of is.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And and um, you know, that sometimes stories are like bare bones.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes stories like you, you know, they're real stories about people, like, you know, and and you know, whenever you're talking to people, like we just have this, it's so innate in us to to want to have stories, you know.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: People used to sit around campfires for thousand hundreds of thousands of years or whatever, hearing stories, you know.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: Now we like watch, you know, stories on television, you know, it's like we even everything is a story, basically.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like, so that is kind of the way humans work.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: And if you can tap into that, you have a better potential to lead and influence others.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I completely agree.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just thinking, uh, one of the one of the ways that I see people actually being the most influential is not necessarily the sexiest one, but it's incredibly important.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just keeping your commitments, uh doing what you say you're going to do.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: So it is really, really easy to lose influence or trust if you're consistently not following through.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's really important to articulate if you're not going to, because that's a piece of it too, right?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, I'm gonna miss this deadline.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Things happen, life happens, but articulating that in advance goes a long way to continuing to build influence.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because influence also is about trust.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: People have to trust you.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that starts with you doing what you say you'll do when you do it.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's kind of like I said, not the most glamorous one, but also can be really, really powerful and important.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's missed, I think it can be hard to be as influential as you want to be.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that is a amazing that's an amazing point.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: So important because, you know, I'm sure you've been involved in these sort of organizations.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: I sure have, you know, where the leaders lose the trust of the people because they come out with this big idea and then they don't.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Follow through.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: Or, or maybe, you know, there's the hypocrisy of like they expect you to do certain things, but they don't have to do them.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's all part of what you're saying.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like you have the ability to be more influential if you follow through, and you have the ability to completely undermine yourself if you don't.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: And to that point of, you know, sharing big visions.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with having big visions and grand ideas, but it is really important to narrate, you know, when we're still in the iterative stage versus this is going to happen, right?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, it I think that that's a critical piece too, is when you're sharing ideas and thoughts at work, saying, like, hey, we're so very much thinking about this, we're not in a place of, you know, acting on it yet.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but just being really clear about that is critical to keeping that trust across any org.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: What else?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: What else can we think of that that can help people to be more influential?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think that when I think about my most influential people that I've ever coached, they tend to quietly make others look good.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not to say that they never take credit for their own good work because they by the way, we should all do that.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: But they're quick to point out, to notice and point out when someone else has done something helpful.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: It can be simple, right?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can be like, hey, your email made a huge difference to that client they signed on for extra sessions, or hey, the extra time you took on that presentation made it look 10 times better.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think when we start to notice the little things people are doing, the efforts they're making, people obviously feel good about being around us.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: People see that our our generosity of spirit, and they're much more likely to follow where we're going to lead when it's time for us to do that leading.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: I think um that's a really good one.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: Being being generous, being um not always seeking, you know, the limelight for yourself, you know.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's like that, that's a that's another way to sort of deflate people's, you know, trust in you is like, you know, it's like every they do the work, you get the credit, you know, that's that's never, you know, that's never uh a good feeling.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, that's a good one to keep in mind.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, particularly important, I think, for those who do have leadership titles, right?
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: To say, I couldn't have done it without my team.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: They were instrumental, these particular people were instrumental, right?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's uh uh something that I think people can sometimes forget as they move up the chain of command.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's incredibly important to stop, pause, and acknowledge folks.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think that once again, speaking in of the um work, the work setting, you know, a lot of people feel like as they're trying to climb, get promotions and stuff like that, they have to highlight what they've done, which as you said, is not there's nothing wrong with that.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, I think that everybody notices when you yes, take the credit, but also, you know, shift the credit to your team and to the people who help this happen.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: I think the people who are looking at you from above, your supervisors, see that too and and appreciate that sort of um behavior.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree completely.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so what do we got?
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: We got are we are have we completed this list of influential things, or is there is there more to say?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's what I mean.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: I could go on forever, like I said, but that those are to me like the critical take home pieces.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, there's a lot to work with there, I think.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: So so what do we have?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: We have like being authentic, yeah.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: We have authenticity, uh, 80% solution, yeah, finding their why, tapping into what motivates them, uh, using more questions than answers.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: So really drilling down in terms of um what's going on.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: You talked about storytelling, which I think is a critical one, and it can be a simple story, it doesn't have to be a huge one.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then I talked a little bit about um really just doing what you say you're going to do, right?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Showing up in the way that you say that you will so that people trust you.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think I think that covers it.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: If if people would take on these ideas, even a couple of them, they can see that their influence will increase in in all parts of their life.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, as we've as we've been saying, it's not just at work, it could be, you know, with your children, it could be with your partner, it could be at your local, you know, organization that you're part of.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there we we want to have influence in all parts of our life.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not because we want to be in charge of stuff, you know, it's because we all want to have an impact.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: We all want to feel like, you know, we've we've done something good in the world.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: So let's just do it, right?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like influence is about impact ultimately, right?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: And we all want to make one.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's why this conversation is so important.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I thank you so much for for this conversation.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's always such a pleasure to spend a little time with you.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I have a question that I I ask all my guests on this show.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so the question is: if you had the ability to put a message on a billboard, right?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: And this billboard is in your town, and you know thousands of people are going to drive by it and see it every day.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what would your message be, Paige?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I love I love the billboard question.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think that for me, I, you know, I started off this conversation talking about authenticity.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think my billboard would really just say your authenticity is your greatest asset.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's really just about being who you are and showing up truly as yourself.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Your authenticity is your greatest asset.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you again for being on the show.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: And um it was my pleasure.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: And uh sharing what you know, sharing what you know with people.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks again.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: You got it.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: You got it.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's time for Dr.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Roccozarix.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Dr.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Rocosarex.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's time for Dr.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: Rockozarix.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: My recommendation this week is the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeon, M-C-K-E-O-W-N.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: This book was published in 2014.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's a book that I read probably uh maybe 2017, 2018.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I quickly handed it off to my wife, and she and I both have learned a lot from it.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, the basic gist of this book is that we all uh live in a time of distraction.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: There's lots of things out there that grab our attention and our time, and that we could be a lot more effective in everything we do if we would just decide what's essential in our lives and just pursue those as much as possible.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, the book was written in 2014, and I think the world is even nuttier now, you know, so like 12 years later, so uh even more uh needed.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so grab that book if you're interested, Essentialism by Greg McKeon.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: The very famous quote from Maya Angelou ties in with today's topic.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: The quote is: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: That ultimately is the key to influencing others.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you for listening today.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's the end of our show.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you spending a little time with me.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: I hope you enjoyed it and learned something to apply to your life.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, so long.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for listening to the Life and How to Live It podcast with Dr.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: Rocco.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: If you'd like to book a coaching session with me, simply visit the show notes and schedule a discovery call.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: And if today's episode encouraged you or added value to your life, please subscribe and leave a review.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, life is not a dress rehearsal.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, so long.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: Just live it live and how to live it.