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#1973 My Thoughts On 'High-Performance' - Harps · The You Project

0:04
Speaker 1: I get a team. It's harps Hope, you're bloody terrific.
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Speaker 1: Welcome to another installing you project. It's sad diavo. As
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Speaker 1: I'm recording this, it's four forty two in the PM.
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Speaker 1: While that would coincide with afternoon, Craig. Yet good. Good
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Speaker 1: that you pointed that out, because people wouldn't have known that. Lucky,
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Speaker 1: I'm here. Fuck it, he fuck and start again. No,
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Speaker 1: that's what we're doing. We're just going to keep rolling.
0:27
Speaker 1: Today is a what is today? It's kind of a
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Speaker 1: it's kind of a coaching session of it. It's a
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Speaker 1: one on one in that you are the one, I
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Speaker 1: am the other one, unless you're listening with a group
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Speaker 1: of friends, and if you are, that's weird. It's a
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Speaker 1: one on one you and me. It's all around you
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Speaker 1: optimizing you, and specifically me helping you optimize you. So
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Speaker 1: one of the things that I often talk about in
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Speaker 1: my corporate stuff, in my work with teams and schools
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Speaker 1: and athletes and you know, people with addictions and the
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Speaker 1: cross section of humans that I work with, is this
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Speaker 1: idea of high performance. Now, typically when we think about
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Speaker 1: we okay, typically when many people think I guess I
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Speaker 1: can't speak globally. But when many people think about high performance,
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Speaker 1: we talk about people who do great in the performing
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Speaker 1: arts or sport, or business or politics, or they have
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Speaker 1: some kind of standout skill or quality or attribute and
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Speaker 1: they're producing amazing outcomes. And they could be, you know,
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Speaker 1: a high level academic, or they could be flying the
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Speaker 1: space shuttle, or they could be winning gold medals or
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Speaker 1: curing cancer or singing at the Grammars or whatever. That
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Speaker 1: is not my That is ae kind of description. I
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Speaker 1: guess my description, or my definition of a high performer
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Speaker 1: is anyone you me, anyone who's getting the most out
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Speaker 1: of themselves. Anyone who can find a way to use
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Speaker 1: most of or perhaps a lot more than the typical
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Speaker 1: person or the average or the in terms of using
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Speaker 1: what they have got to work with. So it's not
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Speaker 1: about being rarely gifted or innately amazing or talented, or
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Speaker 1: you just came out of the womb and you could
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Speaker 1: run one hundred miles an hour and you could speak
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Speaker 1: nineteen languages and you had a four hundred IQ and
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Speaker 1: you could sing like a goddesk. No, it's none of that.
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Speaker 1: It's about how well can you operationalize or use or
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Speaker 1: optimize whatever it is that you have to work with.
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Speaker 1: So for me, that is the definition of a high performer.
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Speaker 1: One of my favorite, if not my favorite high performers
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Speaker 1: in the world, is Mary Margaret Harper, my beautiful mother,
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Speaker 1: who's five foot thing in the morning, four foot eleven
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Speaker 1: at night, and who weighs forty odd kilos and who's
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Speaker 1: just a weapon, who at almost eighty six and having
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Speaker 1: battled multiple battles or multiple rounds of cancer I should say,
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Speaker 1: lung cancer, bowel cancer, had a heart attack, currently looking
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Speaker 1: after a husband who's you know, has his peaks and
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Speaker 1: troughs and days and works with the old people, voluntarily
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Speaker 1: helping the old people, which is fucking hilarious because she's
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Speaker 1: older than Moses. But anyway, don't tell her I said that.
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Speaker 1: Love her. But she just finds a way to do
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Speaker 1: good stuff for herself and for others. Not that she's
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Speaker 1: flawless or perfect, or not that she never has a moment,
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Speaker 1: she has plenty of those. But in the middle of
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Speaker 1: you know what is not the easiest life or the
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Speaker 1: easiest situation, my mum ten to find a way. My
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Speaker 1: mum tends to every time I talk to her. She
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Speaker 1: makes me laugh every time, she's cheeky, every time she
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Speaker 1: has a dig at me about something in a fun, motherly,
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Speaker 1: loving way at eighty five point nine years old. And
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Speaker 1: I just so for me, that is, can you get
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Speaker 1: the most out of or are you getting the most
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Speaker 1: out of what you've got to work with? If not
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Speaker 1: the most, like more than perhaps you have previously. So
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Speaker 1: my version of that for me is, am I optimizing
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Speaker 1: what I've got, like my genetics and my brain and
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Speaker 1: my resources and my time and my physical and mental
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Speaker 1: and emotional energy? And do I do good things? And
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Speaker 1: do I produce some good outcomes? And am I of
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Speaker 1: value to the world and people? Am I of service?
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Speaker 1: And am I doing something constructive, productive, practical and helpful
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Speaker 1: for others? Am I doing that? And I don't always
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Speaker 1: do that, but I think I do that most of
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Speaker 1: the time. I also fuck up often, But so that
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Speaker 1: is me trying to be the best version of me. So, oh,
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Speaker 1: I didn't intend talk of that long. So one of
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Speaker 1: the things that I often run through in a presentation,
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Speaker 1: not so much in a keynote presentation because we're pressed
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Speaker 1: for time, but more a workshop two or three, our
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Speaker 1: workshop perhaps all day I'm heading to thriving metropolis of
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Speaker 1: is it mill Jury. Yes, I'm heading to Meal during
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Speaker 1: next week and I'm doing nearly a whole day with
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Speaker 1: a group up there, and it's a day like that
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Speaker 1: where we might dig in to what I'm about to
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Speaker 1: dig into. So one of the questions that I ask
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Speaker 1: is and I have about nearly a hundred of these
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Speaker 1: things I'm about to talk about on my list. I
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Speaker 1: may open the door wider at another stage, but I
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Speaker 1: talk about what are the skills, qualities, attributes, habits, and behaviors.
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Speaker 1: I'll say it again, what are the skills, qualities, attributes,
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Speaker 1: habits and behaviors of high performers. Now I've spoken about
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Speaker 1: everything I'm about to talk about. I have spoken about
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Speaker 1: at times over the last seven years and the almost
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Speaker 1: two thousand episodes. So if you've listened to everything and
6:22
Speaker 1: you know me well, and you know my content well,
6:25
Speaker 1: and you maybe can't get any more out of me,
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Speaker 1: this might not be for you. It might be a revision,
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Speaker 1: it might be a reminder, it might be a prompt
6:34
Speaker 1: that might be a kick in the btom. I think
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Speaker 1: that's French for us, the tom. You're very welcome. I'm
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Speaker 1: super fucking cultured you can all tell, or for some
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Speaker 1: of you who are you are, this might be a
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Speaker 1: revelation a revelation, It might be a pulling back of
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Speaker 1: the curtain. It might be new stuff for you to
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Speaker 1: think about. So I'm going to talk to you about
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Speaker 1: ten variables or ingredients or things that influence our ability
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Speaker 1: to be able to live in that high performance space.
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Speaker 1: Ready you ready? All right? So you may or may
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Speaker 1: not want to write this down. I like to. And
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Speaker 1: obviously if you're in the car driving, look, I mean
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Speaker 1: I'm no expert, but probably don't write. Probably don't do that.
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Speaker 1: But for those of you who go, you know, I
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Speaker 1: want to learn something, I want to jot it down,
7:27
Speaker 1: I want to unpack it a little bit later, I
7:29
Speaker 1: want to lean into it. And even for you people
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Speaker 1: who are coaches and mentors and teachers and speakers in
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Speaker 1: your own rights, and I know a lot of you
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Speaker 1: listen to me, why would you do that? But anyway, thanks,
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Speaker 1: These are ten rock solid things that I talk to
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Speaker 1: people about that really can move the needle on whether
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Speaker 1: or not you can optimize you, whether or not you
7:51
Speaker 1: can live a version your own version of high performance.
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Speaker 1: Now number one is now number one is our ability
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Speaker 1: to keep doing the work, to roll up our sleeves,
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Speaker 1: to be courageous and to be proactive and productive, and
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Speaker 1: to do what we need to do even when we
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Speaker 1: can't be bothered. So it's to be able to outlast
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Speaker 1: our motivation for my choices and my behaviors and my
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Speaker 1: actions and my plan and my commitment and my ongoing
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Speaker 1: vision and process. To be able to outlast that initial
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Speaker 1: burst of motivation. For many people, it's not a revelation.
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Speaker 1: But let's just remind ourselves. From many people, motivation is
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Speaker 1: a sometimes thing. It comes and goes. I would say
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Speaker 1: for most people, it's motivation is a sometimes thing. For me.
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Speaker 1: And to be clear, I'm defining here in this chat
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Speaker 1: motivation as an emotional state, a psychological state where we
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Speaker 1: have a heightened sense of focus and attention and energy.
8:59
Speaker 1: And in that place of heightened emotional and psychological focus
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Speaker 1: and energy, we make a decision, we take action, and
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Speaker 1: we're pumped. We're in the zone, we're excited, we're doing
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Speaker 1: shit because we're motivated, and it's all fucking laughs and giggles,
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Speaker 1: and then three days later we're not motivated anymore. That
9:17
Speaker 1: initial phase, that emotional and psychological state that we were
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Speaker 1: in that we call motivation for whatever reason, probably because
9:25
Speaker 1: we're human, not because we're bad or broken or terrible,
9:27
Speaker 1: probably because we're human. Somewhere between a day later and
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Speaker 1: ten days later, for many people, the motivation either wanes,
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Speaker 1: it subsides somewhat, or it completely vanishes, never to be
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Speaker 1: seen again, or never to be seen for quite a while.
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Speaker 1: So what is the skill, what is the capacity? What
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Speaker 1: is the attribute that we want? In this space? We
9:53
Speaker 1: want to be the person who can keep fucking doing
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Speaker 1: the work when it's not fun. We want to be
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Speaker 1: the person who can keep applying ourselves, rolling up our sleeves, refocusing, recommitting, redoing,
10:11
Speaker 1: so to keep climbing the mountain when we don't feel
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Speaker 1: like climbing the mountain, when that motivation, that emotional and
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Speaker 1: psychological state that we got in, has passed. And in fact,
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Speaker 1: I would say for many people, the ability to be
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Speaker 1: able to keep doing the work when most people would
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Speaker 1: have stopped, to be able to step up when most
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Speaker 1: people would have given up by now, to be able
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Speaker 1: to override that feeling or that idea or that compulsion
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Speaker 1: to give up, I think it's almost at the top
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Speaker 1: of the list, because we seem to be I say we,
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Speaker 1: and seem as a collective observation of mine, we seem
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Speaker 1: to be somewhat dependent on feeling like it. And so
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Speaker 1: if I have to feel like it or I have
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Speaker 1: to be excited about it constantly, if I need to
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Speaker 1: be perpetually motivated to do the thing that creates the result,
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Speaker 1: then the chances of me creating the result, creating the change,
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Speaker 1: becoming the person that I want to be, or achieving
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Speaker 1: the thing I want to achieve pretty much slip to
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Speaker 1: zero zero chance, because I'm only going to do the
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Speaker 1: thing when I'm in the zone or motivated or inspired,
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Speaker 1: and I'm never going to be perpetually that. So when
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Speaker 1: we're motivated, when we're.
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Speaker 2: Expired, inspired expired, when we're inspired, when we're excited, then
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Speaker 2: of course we double down and we go fuck ere,
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Speaker 2: I'm flying, and we double down and we do what
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Speaker 2: we need to do.
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Speaker 1: But also when we come out the other side of
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Speaker 1: that U four X state, we go, ah, fucking he fuck.
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Speaker 1: My head hurts, my back hurts. It's a Tuesday, it's gold.
11:53
Speaker 1: I don't want to get out of bed. The kids
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Speaker 1: have giving me a grief. The dog did a shit
11:57
Speaker 1: on the front lawn. I'm fucking hating live. Yeah, but
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Speaker 1: I'm still going to do my run. Yeah, I'm still
12:03
Speaker 1: going to write that page that I need to for
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Speaker 1: that thing. I'm still going to read those ten pages
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Speaker 1: of that book. I'm still going to show up for
12:10
Speaker 1: that workout with old mate. I'm still going to stay
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Speaker 1: true to the commitment I made because it's a commitment
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Speaker 1: that's not dependent on a particular emotional state. Number one
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Speaker 1: is motivation. Number two is I'll try and be briefer
12:25
Speaker 1: because I can fucking whiffle. Number two you've all heard
12:28
Speaker 1: me talk about, and that is just our willingness to
12:31
Speaker 1: get uncomfortable. Now that this doesn't mean we've got to
12:34
Speaker 1: be a massachist. This doesn't mean we've got to you know,
12:39
Speaker 1: constantly run into the fire. This doesn't mean that we've
12:42
Speaker 1: got to be the ongoing alpha male or alpha female.
12:49
Speaker 1: It just means that we are going to have to
12:52
Speaker 1: do some shit that isn't fun, that isn't quick, that
12:55
Speaker 1: isn't painless, that isn't convenient. It will be physically and mentally,
13:00
Speaker 1: and perhaps socially, and perhaps emotionally and perhaps financially uncomfortable
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Speaker 1: at times, but we recognize that this is the price
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Speaker 1: that I need to pay to get the outcome. I
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Speaker 1: want to do the thing, I want to change the thing.
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Speaker 1: I want to become the person I want to become.
13:19
Speaker 1: We all know that a lot of people don't when
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Speaker 1: it comes to our body. A lot of people just
13:25
Speaker 1: don't do the work. They don't do the runs, they
13:27
Speaker 1: don't lift the weights, they don't change the eating habits
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Speaker 1: or the dietary habits. They don't do the things that
13:33
Speaker 1: they know that they should do, not because they don't
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Speaker 1: have the capacity or the ability, but because it's fucking hard.
13:41
Speaker 1: It's fucking Have you seen that little kid and it's
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Speaker 1: fucking hard? Or what does he say? It's a fucking
13:47
Speaker 1: dark or anyway, I'm distracting myself. But this is our
13:51
Speaker 1: challenge is to say, all right, well I'm not motivated. Also,
13:54
Speaker 1: this thing kind of sucks. Nonetheless, that's okay. And also
14:01
Speaker 1: we don't need to love it. We don't need to
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Speaker 1: love the process. When people go to me, oh, look,
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Speaker 1: I really don't enjoy going to the gym, I'm going
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Speaker 1: I go good, you don't need to and they look
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Speaker 1: at me like I'm fucking weirdo. Because that Why would
14:16
Speaker 1: you go if you don't enjoy it? Well, you go
14:18
Speaker 1: because it fucking works. You go because it produces the result.
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Speaker 1: You go because it creates the change you wants. Not
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Speaker 1: everything has to be fucking enjoyable. And this is one
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Speaker 1: of the mindsets that is so self limiting, so self destructive,
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Speaker 1: Such an emotional and psychological prison is this. I won't
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Speaker 1: fucking do it if it's not fun, Well, good luck
14:42
Speaker 1: doing life, because life's a cunt. Sometimes life is so
14:47
Speaker 1: fucking hard. Good luck doing life. If you are constantly
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Speaker 1: choosing easy. If easy and comfortable and familiar and certain
14:55
Speaker 1: is your I'm getting on my high horse, I realize
14:57
Speaker 1: as I'm doing this, But anyway, fuck, let's keep going.
15:00
Speaker 1: If this is your default setting, then then when the
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Speaker 1: pain comes, when the uncertainty comes, when the rejection comes,
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Speaker 1: when the separation comes, when the problem comes, when the
15:12
Speaker 1: illness comes, when the hardship comes, you will fucking disintegrate
15:16
Speaker 1: because you haven't done things that make you resilient. What
15:20
Speaker 1: makes you resilient is leaning into the comfort, not in
15:23
Speaker 1: a reckless way, in a strategic way. Steps down off soapbox.
15:29
Speaker 1: Lowes's voice change his tone. Number three metacognition. What is that?
15:33
Speaker 1: You know? What that is? I am a big fan
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Speaker 1: of you understanding how you think and why you think
15:40
Speaker 1: the way that you think. I'm a big fan of
15:43
Speaker 1: you being able to discern between the thing that's just
15:46
Speaker 1: gone on around you or to you, or because of you,
15:49
Speaker 1: or despite you, in front of you, and your story
15:53
Speaker 1: about that thing. Your capacity to be able to separate
15:57
Speaker 1: the stimulus the external thing with internal correlating story. That's
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Speaker 1: the story that you create based on your programming and
16:05
Speaker 1: genetics and the window through which you view the world
16:08
Speaker 1: and beliefs and values and experiences. Right, you are constantly
16:12
Speaker 1: creating a subjective experience with your mind. A thing happens,
16:18
Speaker 1: you interpret the thing, and then that thing becomes your
16:21
Speaker 1: version of reality. This is not good or bad or broken.
16:24
Speaker 1: This as humans, So it is. I think it's really
16:27
Speaker 1: important that we are going to chuck another one on
16:30
Speaker 1: top of metacognition. So metacognition, as you all know by now,
16:34
Speaker 1: is thinking about thinking. But I still think we don't
16:37
Speaker 1: do it. I still think most of us don't. Why
16:39
Speaker 1: am I reacting this way? Why am I feeling this?
16:41
Speaker 1: Where is this story coming from? And this is not
16:44
Speaker 1: about self loathing. This is about self awareness, so that
16:47
Speaker 1: when I understand me better, when I understand my mind better,
16:53
Speaker 1: when I understand my stories better, when I understand my
16:57
Speaker 1: choices and behaviors and outcomes better, then I can manage
17:03
Speaker 1: me better. I can optimize me better. I can become
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Speaker 1: the high performer because I'm starting to understand myself. I believe,
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Speaker 1: brothers and sisters. I believe that a lot of people
17:17
Speaker 1: travel through life not even fucking knowing who they are,
17:21
Speaker 1: not understanding themselves, not even thinking about their beliefs, which
17:26
Speaker 1: is number four. What are your beliefs and where did
17:29
Speaker 1: they come from? Do your beliefs empower you or do
17:33
Speaker 1: they disempowering you? Do that disempower you? Do they propel
17:36
Speaker 1: you forward? Do they hold you back? Are they a strength?
17:40
Speaker 1: Are they a limitation? Did you choose them? Did you
17:43
Speaker 1: consciously choose your beliefs or did you unconsciously adopt your
17:48
Speaker 1: beliefs from someone or something else? Most of us, me included,
17:54
Speaker 1: we kind of wake up metaphorically one day in our life,
17:58
Speaker 1: and now we're twenty thirty, and now we're forty, and
18:01
Speaker 1: we've got all of these beliefs that we didn't choose,
18:04
Speaker 1: and some of those beliefs are massively limiting, massively self limiting.
18:11
Speaker 1: So this is not to say we need to let
18:13
Speaker 1: go of all our current beliefs and go on a
18:16
Speaker 1: treasure hunt for a bunch of new ones. It means
18:19
Speaker 1: perhaps we need to think about thinking meta cognition number three,
18:22
Speaker 1: and we need to reflect on our beliefs and think
18:24
Speaker 1: to ourselves, is there any chance that this belief that
18:29
Speaker 1: I didn't actually choose is not true? Is there any
18:35
Speaker 1: chance this is flawed or partly flawed? Is there any
18:39
Speaker 1: chance that I am holding on to this belief that
18:44
Speaker 1: I didn't choose, not because it's true or right, but
18:49
Speaker 1: because it's familiar, But because if I question this belief,
18:54
Speaker 1: especially among my friends and family who all share this belief,
18:59
Speaker 1: I'm going to be seen as bad or a defector
19:05
Speaker 1: or a problem, and I'm going to feel guilty. I'm
19:09
Speaker 1: going to feel guilty because I'm questioning what I've been
19:13
Speaker 1: taught and told and trained and programmed and coerced to believe. Well,
19:20
Speaker 1: that is not you being you, That is you being
19:23
Speaker 1: a version of them, And that is that is not
19:26
Speaker 1: believing something because you had a personal revelation or light
19:30
Speaker 1: bulb or understanding or moment in time, and then moved
19:33
Speaker 1: forward with this personal revelation. This is you aligning to
19:38
Speaker 1: certain ideologies and thoughts and behaviors and beliefs because you
19:43
Speaker 1: feel compelled to and you want to stay part of
19:46
Speaker 1: the group. All I'm going to say to you is
19:50
Speaker 1: think about that. I'm going to say, think about whether
19:54
Speaker 1: or not your beliefs are yours one. Think about two
19:59
Speaker 1: whether or not they're prepar telling you forward or holding
20:01
Speaker 1: you back. And think about whether or not your whole
20:05
Speaker 1: identity is tied in with certain beliefs. And because your
20:11
Speaker 1: identity is tied in with certain beliefs, you are absolutely
20:16
Speaker 1: unteachable unless the thing that I'm trying to teach you
20:20
Speaker 1: aligns with your current belief and that's number five. Number
20:24
Speaker 1: five is being I'm going to say, it's two things.
20:27
Speaker 1: It's being teachable and it's being courageous enough to unlearn.
20:34
Speaker 1: There have been so many things over my life that
20:36
Speaker 1: I've had to unlearn. There have been so many things
20:39
Speaker 1: that I thought were true that aren't. And there have
20:45
Speaker 1: been times when I really pushed back because I thought,
20:49
Speaker 1: I it's not I believe I believe, but I absolutely
20:53
Speaker 1: I mean I really fucking believed, like I thought, there
20:57
Speaker 1: was absolutely no chance that I will. That's wrong. Well,
21:01
Speaker 1: that's a pretty precarious psychological position to take because when
21:07
Speaker 1: you think, you know, even if we go with religion,
21:11
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to bring the old chest Nutter nut up,
21:14
Speaker 1: but it's not about religion. Remember, it's about thinking. So
21:17
Speaker 1: when you realize that they are in the ballpark of
21:19
Speaker 1: four thousand religions in the world ballpark depending on what
21:23
Speaker 1: research you look at, but let's go three to four thousand,
21:27
Speaker 1: and there's about twelve major religions in the world. And
21:30
Speaker 1: then in the middle of all of that diversity of
21:32
Speaker 1: theology and psychology and sociology and beliefs and history and texts.
21:37
Speaker 1: And you think, now again, this about thinking, and this
21:41
Speaker 1: is about beliefs, and this is about mindset. You think
21:43
Speaker 1: that you are connected to the one true book or
21:50
Speaker 1: you have got the hotline to whoever or whatever it
21:53
Speaker 1: is that's running the show, not everyone else. And so
21:57
Speaker 1: therefore when we think, as I did for many years,
22:00
Speaker 1: I absolutely thought that the group, let's just go with
22:03
Speaker 1: the group that I was in. I one hundred percent
22:06
Speaker 1: thought that that we are we are the one true
22:09
Speaker 1: We've got the truth. We've got the capital T. We've
22:12
Speaker 1: got the truth, not a warded down version of the truth.
22:16
Speaker 1: And even the other people who kind of inhabit our
22:18
Speaker 1: overall religion, you know, they have different doctrines, they're different denominations,
22:24
Speaker 1: they're different groups, and they're kind of in the ballpark,
22:27
Speaker 1: but they're not us, And to be honest, they're kind
22:29
Speaker 1: of wrong. Wow. Fuck, imagine going through life without actual
22:35
Speaker 1: evidence or data being that arrogant. And I was that arrogant.
22:39
Speaker 1: I was unteachable. So for us to question our beliefs now,
22:45
Speaker 1: by the way, I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm saying
22:48
Speaker 1: you could be wrong. By the way, you could have
22:50
Speaker 1: a certain idea or faith or belief and it could
22:53
Speaker 1: be completely I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm saying, when
22:56
Speaker 1: we think we're infallible, when we believe we can't be wrong,
23:03
Speaker 1: there should be fucking alarm bells going off on planet
23:06
Speaker 1: you these days. I assume every day, I assume I
23:13
Speaker 1: will say probably at least one thing, but many things
23:16
Speaker 1: that are either completely or untrue or flawed. And I
23:20
Speaker 1: don't say it because I'm making shit up or I'm
23:25
Speaker 1: trying to mislead anyone. I say it because that's what
23:27
Speaker 1: I believe to be true at the time, and then
23:30
Speaker 1: later on I find out I was wrong. So often
23:34
Speaker 1: when I will say something, I will preface it with listen,
23:37
Speaker 1: this is in research or science. I don't absolutely, unequivocally
23:43
Speaker 1: know this, but this is what I think, based on
23:46
Speaker 1: my journey, based on my experiences, based on my interaction,
23:50
Speaker 1: based on the research I've done, based on what I
23:53
Speaker 1: have been through. These are my thoughts, these are my ideas,
23:57
Speaker 1: These are my works in progress around this particular thing.
24:05
Speaker 1: Number six. Number six is courage. People are scared of
24:12
Speaker 1: being scared. I think. In fact, I heard Tom Cruise
24:17
Speaker 1: say this, so I'm definitely not taking credit for it.
24:20
Speaker 1: He said, he said, I'm scared all the time, I'm fearful,
24:24
Speaker 1: and that for me was a bit of a you know,
24:26
Speaker 1: is he a weirdo? I don't know. You make your
24:28
Speaker 1: own judgment. Is he weird? I don't care. But he
24:33
Speaker 1: said something that really resonated with me is that I
24:36
Speaker 1: get scared all the time, but I'm not scared of
24:38
Speaker 1: being scared. I'm not scared of being scared. And the
24:42
Speaker 1: only place, the only place that courage can exist is
24:47
Speaker 1: in the presence of being scared, in the presence of fear. Now,
24:53
Speaker 1: think about think about a life where we have no courage.
25:01
Speaker 1: Then every time something scares us, it's in control. We're
25:05
Speaker 1: not in control. It will determine what we do, not us.
25:13
Speaker 1: It will it will run the show, It will make
25:15
Speaker 1: the decisions, it will choose the behaviors, the actions and reactions.
25:20
Speaker 1: Because in the middle of the fear, I am dominated,
25:23
Speaker 1: or I am paralyzed, or I am controlled by that fear.
25:27
Speaker 1: I am not suggesting at all that you be fearless.
25:32
Speaker 1: You won't be fearless. I won't be fearless. By the way,
25:36
Speaker 1: Am I ever a big fucking baby? Am I ever
25:38
Speaker 1: a coward?
25:39
Speaker 2: Sure?
25:39
Speaker 1: Am still? Am I more courageous than I used to be?
25:44
Speaker 1: I think?
25:44
Speaker 2: I am?
25:45
Speaker 1: I think I am? Am I comfortable with discomfort? Am
25:49
Speaker 1: I comfortable with fear? Am I comfortable with uncertainty? Am
25:53
Speaker 1: I comfortable with being embarrassed? And with failing? I'm sometimes comfortable,
26:00
Speaker 1: sometimes not. But I'm always willing to be all of that,
26:04
Speaker 1: and that requires courage. And I'm not less fearful than
26:09
Speaker 1: I think the typical person. I think I probably have
26:12
Speaker 1: as much fear as the typical person. But I know
26:17
Speaker 1: that a big part of my growth, my learning, my development,
26:21
Speaker 1: my resilience comes from being courageous and doing things that
26:29
Speaker 1: if it was only about what I'm feeling, if it
26:33
Speaker 1: was only about you know, whether or not I'm fearful
26:36
Speaker 1: or not fearful, I wouldn't do these things. So being
26:40
Speaker 1: able to recognize that scares the fuck out of me. Also,
26:45
Speaker 1: that's okay. Also, I'm going to be brave. I'm going
26:47
Speaker 1: to be courageous. Could I get hurt? Yep? Could I
26:50
Speaker 1: get devastated? Yep. Now I'm not talking about this kind
26:53
Speaker 1: of courage. I'm not talking about doing reckless things. I'm
26:56
Speaker 1: talking about being courageous in an intelligent, strategic, practical way
27:04
Speaker 1: to create a positive outcome. Number seven is controlling our controllables.
27:13
Speaker 1: I feel like your honor. Notice I'm saying I feel
27:17
Speaker 1: like or it's my experience. It's my observation that many, many,
27:21
Speaker 1: many people waste a lot of time and energy and
27:25
Speaker 1: effort and focus and potential talent on things they can't control. Winging, sooking, bitching, complaining,
27:35
Speaker 1: attention seeking, sympathy seeking through things that are out of
27:42
Speaker 1: their control, or even having things that are in their
27:48
Speaker 1: control that they won't do anything about because it's hard.
27:53
Speaker 1: But I guess my main asterisk point here is focusing
28:00
Speaker 1: our physical, mental, and emotional energy on things that we
28:05
Speaker 1: can't control, and wasting our physical, mental and emotional energy
28:09
Speaker 1: on the things that are within our control. So there
28:13
Speaker 1: are things that happen around me, things that affect me.
28:17
Speaker 1: Things in the media, the social media, the weather, the government,
28:22
Speaker 1: are the human beings, certain outcomes, shit with the bank,
28:26
Speaker 1: shit with bah bah bah with the real estate, with
28:29
Speaker 1: the market, with this, things that affect my life that
28:34
Speaker 1: I know I can at very best have a tiny,
28:39
Speaker 1: if any influence over. Usually it's none because it's the
28:43
Speaker 1: macro and I'm in the micro. So what I can
28:47
Speaker 1: do is I can go, all right, well, that's gonna happen.
28:50
Speaker 1: I can't change that. But what can I change in
28:53
Speaker 1: reaction or response to that? What is in my control.
28:58
Speaker 1: What's in my control is not what happened this morning.
29:01
Speaker 1: It's done, it's dusted, it's out of the way. It's history,
29:05
Speaker 1: it's a past event. But what I can control is
29:08
Speaker 1: what I do now off the back of that thing
29:10
Speaker 1: that I didn't want to happen. I can control my words.
29:15
Speaker 1: I can control my responses, my interactions, what I post
29:19
Speaker 1: on social media, what I don't. There are many times
29:23
Speaker 1: over the years. There have been many times over the
29:25
Speaker 1: years where I have really wanted to vent about something,
29:31
Speaker 1: and maybe a few times I have, but generally ninety
29:36
Speaker 1: nine times out of one hundred, I will think about
29:39
Speaker 1: that thing. I will think about how I'm going to
29:42
Speaker 1: verbalize it. I might even write all of it or
29:44
Speaker 1: part of it down. And then I get to the
29:47
Speaker 1: point where my emotions subside somewhat and I say, essentially,
29:52
Speaker 1: what is the point of what I'm doing? Will it
29:54
Speaker 1: change anything? Am I looking for sympathy? Am I looking
29:58
Speaker 1: for attention? And often the answer is yes. And I
30:03
Speaker 1: will make a decision, a higher level consciousness decision to
30:10
Speaker 1: not waste any more time on that. I'm going to
30:13
Speaker 1: focus on what's in my control. I'm going to invest
30:15
Speaker 1: energy and what's in my control, and I'm going to
30:18
Speaker 1: try and have that bigger thinking. Number eight is we're
30:22
Speaker 1: on the home straight. Number eight is that we tend
30:28
Speaker 1: to ask a lot of us ask redundant, pointless, unhelpful questions.
30:34
Speaker 1: Oh why does this always happen to me? Depends how
30:37
Speaker 1: it's asked, I guess, but how come he can eat
30:39
Speaker 1: whatever he wants and I look at food and I
30:41
Speaker 1: gain weight and blah blah blah. Right, they're not really
30:44
Speaker 1: questions that want actual practical solutions. They're questions that want
30:50
Speaker 1: attention or sympathy or a little bit of emotional support.
30:54
Speaker 1: All understandable. But what I was going to say, what
30:58
Speaker 1: we know is but I'm going to say what I
31:00
Speaker 1: know is based on my experience. Let's do that. I'm
31:02
Speaker 1: going to say what I know based on my experience
31:04
Speaker 1: is when I genuinely ask, and the people that I've
31:08
Speaker 1: worked with genuinely ask better questions, we put ourselves in
31:12
Speaker 1: a more solution focused, practical headspace when I make When
31:21
Speaker 1: I ask better questions, I get more clarity, I get
31:25
Speaker 1: more perspective, I get more objectivity, hard thing to get,
31:31
Speaker 1: as we all live a subjective life with subjective experiences.
31:34
Speaker 1: But I get more awareness and clarity and context. And
31:39
Speaker 1: then after I've asked questions which are meaningful and intelligent,
31:44
Speaker 1: I tend to make better decisions. And when I make
31:49
Speaker 1: better decisions off the back of those better questions, then
31:52
Speaker 1: I tend to do better things. When I ask better questions,
31:56
Speaker 1: I make better decisions, I do better things, and I
31:58
Speaker 1: create better outcomes, So there's there. Well, there can be
32:03
Speaker 1: a direct correlation between the quality of the question that
32:07
Speaker 1: you ask and the outcome that you produce, And of course,
32:11
Speaker 1: the outcomes that we produce in our world, to a
32:14
Speaker 1: large extent, determine the quality of our personal experience. When
32:21
Speaker 1: I am producing better outcomes based on the genesis, that
32:24
Speaker 1: was a better question, I'm producing better outcomes in my
32:28
Speaker 1: world now I am inhabiting a better psychological, emotional, and
32:32
Speaker 1: experiential reality. So it starts with questions, is this a
32:40
Speaker 1: great question? This ties in with number nine, which I
32:44
Speaker 1: maybe should have gone with something bit different, But these
32:46
Speaker 1: do tie in very closely, and that is that is
32:50
Speaker 1: the capacity to be solution focused. I feel like a
32:55
Speaker 1: lot of people are so concerned with the problem, so
33:00
Speaker 1: all about the problem, so invested in the problem, that
33:04
Speaker 1: they're never really truly trying to find a solution because
33:09
Speaker 1: talking about the problem gives them attention, it gives them sympathy,
33:14
Speaker 1: it gives them some kind of emotional and or psychological
33:17
Speaker 1: reward that works for them, So they'll just keep bang
33:21
Speaker 1: on about the problem. They'll just keep that shit up
33:23
Speaker 1: because it feeds some kind of a need in them.
33:27
Speaker 1: And while I understand that that is not something that
33:31
Speaker 1: we want to be all about, we do not want
33:33
Speaker 1: to be about that. So here's what we want. We
33:36
Speaker 1: want to acknowledge the problem. Of course, we're not pretending
33:39
Speaker 1: there aren't problems. Okay, what's the problem. Well, the problem
33:43
Speaker 1: is that every time I talk in a meeting, old
33:50
Speaker 1: mate talks over the top of me, and it's disrespectful.
33:54
Speaker 1: And so then when old mate talks over the top
33:57
Speaker 1: of me in our staff meetings and I'm up the front,
33:59
Speaker 1: now he's given me the shits. Now I want to
34:01
Speaker 1: talk to you about him and what a dickhead is
34:03
Speaker 1: and how he doesn't pay attention and I'm the bus
34:06
Speaker 1: and it's disrespectful and blah blah, blah blah. And then
34:09
Speaker 1: an hour later I come up for fucking air because
34:12
Speaker 1: I'm so consumed with this problem. Whereas if in the
34:16
Speaker 1: first place I've said I had a gone, you know what,
34:20
Speaker 1: in this environment, in this situation, this thing keeps to
34:23
Speaker 1: the keeps happening. I don't like it. It's not great.
34:27
Speaker 1: It's not good for me, it's not good for him,
34:29
Speaker 1: it's not good for the group. So here's what I think.
34:31
Speaker 1: Here's what I think. I think I might catch up
34:34
Speaker 1: with him for a coffee. I just want to have
34:36
Speaker 1: a chat to him. I don't want to throw him
34:38
Speaker 1: under the bus. I'm just going to catch up and
34:40
Speaker 1: talk to him. Or I know that he trains, maybe
34:43
Speaker 1: we'll do a workout together, or or or or. Now
34:48
Speaker 1: I'm coming up with one, two, three, four, five, ten
34:50
Speaker 1: potential solutions. I've recognized the problem, I've articulated it, I've
34:55
Speaker 1: spoken about it for one or two minutes, and now
34:58
Speaker 1: I'm all about resolving the problem. I'm all about being
35:02
Speaker 1: solution focused. You are going to in your life the
35:07
Speaker 1: course of your life. Over the course of your life,
35:09
Speaker 1: you are going to be the number one problem solver
35:11
Speaker 1: on planet you. I think, to an extent, how well
35:18
Speaker 1: we can do life, to an extent, is about how
35:22
Speaker 1: well we can solve problems like big and small. Every
35:25
Speaker 1: day we're solving problems. Every day, we're figuring shit out.
35:27
Speaker 1: Every day, things happened that wasn't what we wanted or
35:30
Speaker 1: planned or needed, big and small, like tiny and drastic
35:35
Speaker 1: and life changing. But nonetheless, you know, in the middle
35:38
Speaker 1: of that that problem, in the middle of that event
35:42
Speaker 1: or that thing that we didn't want to happen.
35:44
Speaker 2: There we are.
35:45
Speaker 1: There, you are the little solution find. You fucking solution finder.
35:49
Speaker 2: You.
35:51
Speaker 1: Last one is gratitude. Just because it sounds cheesy and smarmy,
35:57
Speaker 1: I guess maybe it doesn't, but for me, you know,
36:04
Speaker 1: three hours ago, I got home from the gym. I
36:05
Speaker 1: trained with the Crab, my training partner, and John, who
36:07
Speaker 1: I've spoken to you about many times. I'm sorry to
36:09
Speaker 1: bore you with the John story, but you know, me
36:12
Speaker 1: being around people who have challenges that are in my
36:19
Speaker 1: mind almost like unimaginable, you know, like he has so
36:25
Speaker 1: many physical and other but physical problems. Let's just stay
36:30
Speaker 1: with that, you know. And he's in constant pain. And
36:36
Speaker 1: I saw him today for an hour and I trained
36:38
Speaker 1: him and I trained with him, and I help him
36:40
Speaker 1: around the gym and I set him up and I
36:42
Speaker 1: help him move and sit and stand, and you know,
36:46
Speaker 1: it's a very very hands on experience. And like, firstly
36:51
Speaker 1: working with him, obviously, I don't charge him when I
36:54
Speaker 1: say working with him, being with him, helping him, training him,
36:58
Speaker 1: serving him, gives me just so much joy. And I'm
37:01
Speaker 1: not saying that because, oh it makes harp sound good.
37:03
Speaker 1: It gives me so much fucking joy, right, I'd rather
37:07
Speaker 1: train him than you know, a super talented olympian. I
37:11
Speaker 1: would rather train John to not say I don't like
37:13
Speaker 1: training Olympians. I've trying to bunch their good. But probably
37:17
Speaker 1: the most rewarding work that I've ever done with anybody
37:20
Speaker 1: or any human is that dude. And so for me,
37:24
Speaker 1: one of the things that I love about my life,
37:26
Speaker 1: which sounds weird what I'm about to say, is that
37:29
Speaker 1: I'm constantly, if not very regularly around people who have
37:35
Speaker 1: it shit physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. They're on struggle street.
37:40
Speaker 1: They are really challenged. And every time I come away
37:44
Speaker 1: one I hope that I've been of value. I hope
37:47
Speaker 1: that I've done something good. I hope that I've helped
37:50
Speaker 1: in a way. But every time I come away, I
37:53
Speaker 1: just I'm grateful, like I just have even though I
37:57
Speaker 1: know my life is good, you know, And I've spoken
38:00
Speaker 1: many times about how amazing is it that I can
38:03
Speaker 1: sit in a chair and then stand up. I can walk,
38:07
Speaker 1: I can talk, I can see, I can hear. I
38:09
Speaker 1: can turn on a tap and get cold water. I
38:12
Speaker 1: can press a button and the room gets warm or cold.
38:15
Speaker 1: You know, I can walk upstairs. I can just I
38:18
Speaker 1: can walk down the street. Know that I'm not going
38:20
Speaker 1: to get bombed. I can, you know. I mean, fuck,
38:23
Speaker 1: my life is amazing. I don't deserve my life. I
38:26
Speaker 1: don't deserve my life. I just happened to be born
38:30
Speaker 1: in the right place at the right time. I didn't
38:32
Speaker 1: earn it. I was gifted this life. And so for me,
38:36
Speaker 1: that is why this is a gift. This is not
38:38
Speaker 1: something that I deserve. I don't fucking deserve my life.
38:42
Speaker 1: I didn't do anything. I just I had great parents,
38:45
Speaker 1: so I grew up with great friends. I grew up
38:47
Speaker 1: in a great area. I live in a great place.
38:50
Speaker 1: And is there bad shit going on in the world?
38:53
Speaker 1: Of course? Has there always been bad shit going on
38:56
Speaker 1: in the world? Of course? And I'm not, like I
39:00
Speaker 1: said before, my head is not in the sand. I'm
39:02
Speaker 1: not pretending there are no bad things, no problems. But
39:05
Speaker 1: I know this when I look at the world through
39:09
Speaker 1: a lens of gratitude. Also, yes, reason and logic and practicality.
39:16
Speaker 1: But when I look at my life, when I look
39:18
Speaker 1: at the world through that, and the opportunities I have,
39:21
Speaker 1: like right now, I'm talking to you. This is part
39:25
Speaker 1: of my job. You can probably discern that I enjoy
39:32
Speaker 1: doing this. This is not a hardship. This is not
39:35
Speaker 1: me just wheeling out some bullshit because I have an
39:38
Speaker 1: obligation to put up a podcast. This is me speaking
39:43
Speaker 1: from the heart, going to you who most of you
39:46
Speaker 1: I've never met. Thank you, Thank you for supporting this.
39:48
Speaker 1: Thank you. I feel lucky that people listen. I feel
39:52
Speaker 1: blessed that I have sponsors. I feel so much gratitude
39:58
Speaker 1: for all of the stuff that I didn't and don't deserve.
40:03
Speaker 1: Now that I'm not saying I don't do any work
40:05
Speaker 1: and I don't create any results. Of course I do,
40:08
Speaker 1: but there's so much of my life that is just
40:13
Speaker 1: a gift. It's not a result of something that I've
40:15
Speaker 1: done or deserved. So gratitude. Gratitude definitely makes my top
40:19
Speaker 1: ten high performance ingredients. Ah wow, I think I need food.
40:28
Speaker 1: Love your guts, See you next time.