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003 - The Unobtrusive Traffic of Captain Pierce · Tales of the Long Bow

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Speaker 1: Chapter three of Tales of the Long Bow. This is
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Speaker 1: a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
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Speaker 1: For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
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Speaker 1: Recording by Adldepenurrolese. Tales of the Long Bow by G. K. Chesterton,
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Speaker 1: Chapter three, The unobtrusive traffic of Captain Pierce. Those acquainted
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Speaker 1: with Colonel Crane and mister owen Hood the Lawyer may
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Speaker 1: or may not be concerned to know that they partook
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Speaker 1: of an early lunch of eggs and bacon and beer
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Speaker 1: at the inn called the Blue Boar, which stands at
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Speaker 1: the turn of a steep road scaling a wooded ridge
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Speaker 1: in the West Country. Those unacquainted with them may be
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Speaker 1: content to note that the Colonel was a sunburnt, neatly
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Speaker 1: dressed gentleman who looked taciturn and was while the lawyer
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Speaker 1: was a more rusty, red haired gentleman with a long
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Speaker 1: Napoleonic face, who looked taciturn and was rather talkative. Crane
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Speaker 1: was fond of good cooking, and the cooking in that
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Speaker 1: secluded inn was better than that of a Soho restaurant,
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Speaker 1: and immeasurably better that of a fashionable restaurant. Hood was
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Speaker 1: fond of the legends and less known aspects of the
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Speaker 1: English countryside, and that valley had a quality of repose,
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Speaker 1: with a stir of refreshment, as if the west wind
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Speaker 1: had been snared in it and tamed into a summer air.
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Speaker 1: Both had a healthy admiration for beauty in ladies as
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Speaker 1: well as landscapes, although or more probably because both were
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Speaker 1: quite romantically attached to the wives. They had married under
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Speaker 1: rather romantic circumstances, which are related elsewhere, for such as
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Speaker 1: can wrestle with so steep a narrative and the girl
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Speaker 1: who waited on them? The daughter of the innkeeper was
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Speaker 1: herself a very agreeable thing to look at. She was
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Speaker 1: of a slim and quiet sort, with a head that
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Speaker 1: moved like a brown bird brightly, and as it were, unexpectedly,
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Speaker 1: her manners were full of unconscious dignity. For her father,
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Speaker 1: Old John Hardy, was of the type of old innkeeper
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Speaker 1: who had the status, if not of a gentleman, at
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Speaker 1: least of a yeoman. He was not without education and ability,
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Speaker 1: a grizzled man with a keen, stubborn face that might
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Speaker 1: have belonged to Cobbett, whose register he read on winter's night.
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Speaker 1: Hardy was well known to Hood, who had the same
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Speaker 1: sort of antiquarian taste in revolutions. There was little sound
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Speaker 1: in the valley or the brilliant void of sky. The
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Speaker 1: notes of birds fell only intermittently. A faint sound of
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Speaker 1: tapping came from the hills opposite, where the wooded slope
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Speaker 1: was broken. Here and there by the bare face of
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Speaker 1: a quarry, and a distant aeroplane passed and repassed, leaving
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Speaker 1: a trail of faint thunder. The two men at lunch
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Speaker 1: took no more notice of it than if it had
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Speaker 1: been a buzzing fly. But an attentive study of the
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Speaker 1: girl might have suggested that she at least was conscious
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Speaker 1: of the fly. Occasionally she looked at it when no
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Speaker 1: one was looking at her. For the rest she had
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Speaker 1: a rather marked appearance of not looking at it. Good
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Speaker 1: bacon you get here, remarked Colonel Crane, the best in England.
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Speaker 1: And in that matter of breakfast, England is the earthly paradise,
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Speaker 1: replied Hood readily. I can't think why we should descend
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Speaker 1: to boast of the British Empire when we have bacon
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Speaker 1: and eggs to boast of. They ought to be quartered
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Speaker 1: on the royal arms, three pegs passened, and three poached
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Speaker 1: eggs on a chevron. It was bacon and eggs that
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Speaker 1: gave all that morning glory to the grain English poet.
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Speaker 1: It must have been a man who had a breakfast
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Speaker 1: like this, who could rise out with that grand gesture. Knights,
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Speaker 1: candles are burnt out, and jocunda bacon did write Shakespeare.
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Speaker 1: In fact, said the colonel. This sort of bacon did,
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Speaker 1: answered the other, laughing. Then, noticing the girl within earshot,
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Speaker 1: he added, we are saying how good your bacon is,
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Speaker 1: Miss Hardy. It is supposed to be very good, she said,
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Speaker 1: with legitimate pride. But I'm afraid you won't get much
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Speaker 1: more of it. People aren't going to be allowed to
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Speaker 1: keep pigs much longer. Not allowed to keep pigs, ejaculated
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Speaker 1: the colonel, in astonishment. By the old regulations. They had
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Speaker 1: to be away from the house, and we've put ground
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Speaker 1: enough for that that most of the cottagers hadn't. But
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Speaker 1: now they say the laws evaded, and the county council
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Speaker 1: are going to stop the pig keeping altogether. Silly swine
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Speaker 1: snorted the colonel. The epithet is ill chosen, replied Hood.
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Speaker 1: Men are lower than swine when they do not appreciate swine.
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Speaker 1: But really, I don't know what the world's coming to.
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Speaker 1: What will the next generation be like? Without proper pork?
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Speaker 1: And talking about the next generation, what has become of
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Speaker 1: your young friend Pierce? He said he was coming down,
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Speaker 1: but he can't have come by that train. I think
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Speaker 1: Captain Peers is up there, sir, said Joan Hardy in
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Speaker 1: a correct voice, as she unobtrusively withdrew. Her tone might
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Speaker 1: have indicated that the gentleman was upstairs, but her momentary
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Speaker 1: glance had been toward the blue emptiness of the sky.
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Speaker 1: Long after she was gone, Owen Hood remained staring up
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Speaker 1: into it until he saw the aeroplane darting and wheeling
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Speaker 1: like a swallow. Is that Hillary Pierce up there? He inquired,
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Speaker 1: looping the loop and playing the lunatic generally. What the
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Speaker 1: devil is he doing? Showing off, said the colonel shortly,
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Speaker 1: and drained his pewter mug. But why would he show
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Speaker 1: off to us, asked Hood. He jolly well wouldn't, replied
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Speaker 1: the colonel. Showing off to the girl, of course. Then
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Speaker 1: after a pause he added, a very nice girl, A
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Speaker 1: very good girl, said Owen Hood gravely. If there's anything
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Speaker 1: going on, you may be sure it's all straight and serious.
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Speaker 1: The colonel blinked a little. Well, time's change, he said,
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Speaker 1: I suppose I'm a old fashioned myself, But speaking as
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Speaker 1: an old Tory, I must confess he might do worse, yes,
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Speaker 1: replied Hood, and speaking as old radical, I should say
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Speaker 1: he could hardly do better. While they were speaking, the
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Speaker 1: erratic aviator had eventually swept earthwards toward a flat field
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Speaker 1: at the foot of the slope, and was now coming
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Speaker 1: towards them. Hilary Pearce had rather the look of a
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Speaker 1: poet than a professional aviator, and though he had distinguished
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Speaker 1: himself from the war, he was very probably one of
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Speaker 1: those whose natural dream was rather of conquering the air
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Speaker 1: than conquering the enemy. His yellow hair was longer and
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Speaker 1: more untidy than when he was in the army, and
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Speaker 1: there was a touch of something irresponsible in his roving
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Speaker 1: blue eye. He had a vein of pugnacity in him. However,
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Speaker 1: as was soon apparent, he had paused to speak to
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Speaker 1: Joan Hardy by the rather tumble down pigs eye in
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Speaker 1: the corner, and when he came toward the breakfast table,
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Speaker 1: he seemed transfigured as with flame. What's all this infernal,
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Speaker 1: insane foolery, he demanded, Who has the damned impudence to
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Speaker 1: tell the hearties that they mustn't keep pigs? Look here,
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Speaker 1: the time is come when we must burst up all
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Speaker 1: this sort of thing. I'm going to do something desperate.
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Speaker 1: You've been doing desperate things enough for this morning, said Hood.
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Speaker 1: I advise you to take a little desperate luncheon. To
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Speaker 1: sit down. There's a good fellow, and don't stomp about
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Speaker 1: like that. No, but look here. Pearce was interrupted by
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Speaker 1: Joan Hardy, who appeared quietly at his elbow and said
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Speaker 1: demurely to the company, there's a gentleman here, who asked
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Speaker 1: if he may be pardoned for speaking to you. The
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Speaker 1: gentleman in question stood some little way behind, in a
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Speaker 1: posture that was polite, but so stiff and motionless as
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Speaker 1: to almost affect the nerves. He was clad in so
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Speaker 1: complete and correct a version of English flight holiday attire
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Speaker 1: that they felt quite certain he was a foreigner. But
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Speaker 1: their imaginations ranged the continent in vain. In the attempt
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Speaker 1: to imagine what sort of foreigner. By the immobility of
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Speaker 1: his almost moonlike face, with its faintly bilious tinge, he
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Speaker 1: might almost have been a Chinaman, but when he spoke,
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Speaker 1: they could instantly locate the alien accent. Very much distressed
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Speaker 1: to butt in, gentlemen, he said, but this young lady
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Speaker 1: allows you our first class academic authorities on the sites
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Speaker 1: of this locality. I've been mouching around trying to hit
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Speaker 1: the trail of an antiquity or two, but I don't
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Speaker 1: seem to know the way to pick it up. If
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Speaker 1: you'd be so kind as to put me wise about
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Speaker 1: the principal architectural styles and historic items at this section,
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Speaker 1: i'd be under a great obligation. As they were a
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Speaker 1: little slow in recovering for their first surprise, he added patiently.
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Speaker 1: My name is Enoch By Oates, and I'm pretty well
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Speaker 1: known in Michigan. But I've bought a little place near here.
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Speaker 1: I've looked about this planet, and I've come to thank
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Speaker 1: the safest and brightest place for a man with a
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Speaker 1: few dollars is the place of a squire in your
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Speaker 1: final feudal landscape. So the sooner I'm introduced to the
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Speaker 1: more mellow medieval buildings, the better. In Hillary Pierce, the
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Speaker 1: astonishment had given place to an ardor bordering on ecstasy
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Speaker 1: medieval buildings architectural styles. He cried enthusiastically, You've come to
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Speaker 1: the right shop, mister Rhats. I'll show you an ancient building,
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Speaker 1: a sacred building, in an architectural style of such sublime antiquity.
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Speaker 1: They'll want to cart it all away to Michigan, as
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Speaker 1: they tried to do with Glastonbury Abbey. You shall be
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Speaker 1: privileged to see one historic institution before you die, or
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Speaker 1: before all history is forgotten. He was walking towards the
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Speaker 1: little corner of the kitchen garden attached to the inn,
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Speaker 1: waving his arms with wild gestures of encouragement, and the
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Speaker 1: American was following him with the same stiff politeness, looking
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Speaker 1: weirdly like an automaton. Look on our architectural style before
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Speaker 1: it perishes, cried Pierce dramatically, pointing to the pigstye, which
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Speaker 1: looked a rather ramshackle affair of leaning and broken boards
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Speaker 1: hung loosely together, though in practice it was practical enough.
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Speaker 1: This the most unmistakable mellow of all medieval buildings, may
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Speaker 1: soon be only a memory. But when this edisus falls,
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Speaker 1: England will fall, and the world will shake with the
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Speaker 1: shock of doom. The American had what he himself might
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Speaker 1: have described as a poker face. Was impossible to discover
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Speaker 1: whether his utterances indicated the extreme of ignorance or of irony.
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Speaker 1: And you would say, he asked, that this monument exemplifies
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Speaker 1: the Medieval or Gothic architectural school. I should hardly call
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Speaker 1: it strictly perpendicular, answered Pierce. But there is no doubt
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Speaker 1: that it is Early English. You would say it is antique, anyhow,
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Speaker 1: observed mister Rates. I have every reason to believe, affirmed
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Speaker 1: Pierce solemnly, that Girth the swineherd made use of this
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Speaker 1: identical building. I have no doubt it is, in fact
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Speaker 1: far older. The best authorities believe that the prodigal son
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Speaker 1: stayed here for some time, and the pigs, those noble
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Speaker 1: and much maligned animals, gave him such excellent advice that
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Speaker 1: he returned to his family. And now, mister Oates, they
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Speaker 1: say that all that magnificent heritage is to be swept away.
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Speaker 1: But it shall not be. We shall not so easily
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Speaker 1: submit to all the vandals and vulgar tyrants, who would
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Speaker 1: thus tear down our temples, on our holy places. The
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Speaker 1: pigstye shall rise again in a magnificent resurrection. Larger pig sties,
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Speaker 1: loftier pig styes shall yet cover the land. The towers
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Speaker 1: and domes and spires of statelier and more ideal pig
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Speaker 1: sties in the most striking architectural styles, shall again declare
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Speaker 1: the victory of the Holy Hog over his most unholy oppressors.
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Speaker 1: And meanwhile, said Colonel Crane Drily, I think mister Oates
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Speaker 1: had much better begin with the church down by the river,
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Speaker 1: very fine Norman foundations and traces of the Roman brick.
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Speaker 1: The vicar understands his church too, and would give mister
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Speaker 1: Oates far more reliable information than you do a little
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Speaker 1: while later, when mister Oates had passed on his way,
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Speaker 1: the Colonel Curtly reproved his young friend bad form. He said,
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Speaker 1: making fun of a foreigner asking for information, but turned
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Speaker 1: on him with the same heat in his face. But
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Speaker 1: I wasn't making fun, I was quite serious. They stared
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Speaker 1: at him steadily, and he laughed slightly, but went on
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Speaker 1: with undiminished fire. Symbolical perhaps but serious, he said. I
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Speaker 1: may seem to have been talking a bit wildly, but
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Speaker 1: let me tell you the time has come to be wild.
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Speaker 1: We've all been a lot to tame. I do mean
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Speaker 1: as much as I ever meant anything, to fight for
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Speaker 1: the resurrection and the return of the pig. And he
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Speaker 1: shall yet return as a wild boar that will rend
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Speaker 1: the hunter. He looked up and his eye caught the
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Speaker 1: blue heraldic shape on the signboard of the inn. And
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Speaker 1: there is our wooden end sign, he cried, pointing in
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Speaker 1: the same dramatic fashion. We will go into battle under
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Speaker 1: the banner of the blue boar. Loud and prolonged tears,
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Speaker 1: said Crane politely. And now come away and don't spoil
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Speaker 1: the peroration. Owen wants to potter about the local antiquities,
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Speaker 1: like mister Rhates, I'm more interested in novelties. Want to
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Speaker 1: look at that machine of yours. They began to descend
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Speaker 1: the zig zag pebbled path, fenced and embanked with hedges
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Speaker 1: and flower beds like a garden grown on a staircase,
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Speaker 1: And at every corner, who had to remonstrate with the
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Speaker 1: loitering youth. Don't be forever gazing back on the paradise
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Speaker 1: of pigs, he said, or you'll be turned to a
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Speaker 1: pillar of salt, or possibly of mustard, as more appropriate
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Speaker 1: to such meat. They won't run away. Yet. There are
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Speaker 1: other creatures formed by the Creator for the contemplation of man.
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Speaker 1: There are other things made by man after the pattern
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Speaker 1: of the creatures, from the great white horses of wexx
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Speaker 1: to that great white bird on which you yourself flew.
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Speaker 1: Among the birds, find subject for a poem of the
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Speaker 1: first and last things. Bird that lays rather dreadful eggs,
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Speaker 1: said Crane in the next war. Why where has he gone? Pigs? Pigs,
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Speaker 1: said Hood sadly. The overpowering charm which pigs exercise upon
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Speaker 1: us at a certain time of life, when we hear
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Speaker 1: their trotters in our dreams, and their little curly tails
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Speaker 1: twine about us like the tendrils of the vine. Oh bosh,
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Speaker 1: said the colonel. For indeed, mister Hilary Pierce had vanished
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Speaker 1: in a somewhat startling manner, ducking under the corner of
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Speaker 1: a hedge and darting up a steeper path, over a
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Speaker 1: gate and around the corner of a hayfield, where a
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Speaker 1: final bound through bursting bushes brought him on top of
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Speaker 1: a low wall, looking down at the pigs dye and
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Speaker 1: miss Joan Hardy, who was calmly walking away from him.
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Speaker 1: He sprang down onto the path the morning sun picked
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Speaker 1: out everything in clear colors like a child's toy book,
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Speaker 1: and standing with his hands spread out and his wisps
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Speaker 1: of yellow hair brushed in all directions by the bushes,
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Speaker 1: he recalled an undignified memory of shot headed Peter. I
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Speaker 1: felt I must speak to you before he went. He said,
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Speaker 1: I'm going away, not exactly on active service, but on business,
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Speaker 1: on very active business. I feel like the Fellows did
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Speaker 1: when they went to the war, and what they wanted
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Speaker 1: to do first. I am aware that the proposal over
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Speaker 1: a pig's dye is not so symbolical to some as
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Speaker 1: to me. But really and truly, I don't know whether
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Speaker 1: I mentioned it, but you may be aware that I
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Speaker 1: worship you. Joan Hardy was quite aware of it. But
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Speaker 1: the conventionalities in her case were like concentric castle walls,
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Speaker 1: the world's old conventions of the countryside. There was in
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Speaker 1: them the stiff beauty of old country dances and the
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Speaker 1: slow and delicate needlework of a peasantry. Of all the
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Speaker 1: ladies whose figures must be faintly traced in the tapestry
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Speaker 1: of these frivolous tales of chivalry, the most reticent and
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Speaker 1: dignified was the one who was not, in the worldly
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Speaker 1: sense a lady at all. She stood looking at him
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Speaker 1: in silence, and he at her as the lift of
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Speaker 1: her head had some general suggestion of a bird, the
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Speaker 1: line of her profile had a delicate suggestion of a falcon,
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Speaker 1: and her face was of the fine tint that has
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Speaker 1: no name, unless we could talk of a bright brown. Really,
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Speaker 1: you seem in a terrible hurry, she said, I don't
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Speaker 1: want to be talked to in a rush like this.
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Speaker 1: I apologize, he said. I can't help being in a rush,
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Speaker 1: but I didn't want you to be in a rush.
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Speaker 1: I only wanted you to know I haven't done anything
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Speaker 1: to deserve you, but I'm going to try. I'm going
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Speaker 1: off to work. I feel sure you believe in quiet,
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Speaker 1: steady work for a young man. Are you going to
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Speaker 1: the bank, she asked, innocently. You said your uncle was
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Speaker 1: in a bank. I hope all my conversation was not
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Speaker 1: on that level, he replied, and indeed he would have
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Speaker 1: been surprised if he had known how exactly she remembered
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Speaker 1: all such dulled details he had ever mentioned about himself,
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Speaker 1: and how little she knew in comparison about his theories
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Speaker 1: and fancies, which he thought so much more important. Well,
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Speaker 1: he said, in engaging frankness, It'd be an exaggeration to
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Speaker 1: say I'm going into a bank, though of course there
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Speaker 1: are banks and banks. Why I know bank? We're on
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Speaker 1: the wild time. I beg your pardon. I mean, I
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Speaker 1: know a lot of more rural and romantic occupations that
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Speaker 1: are really quite as safe as the bank. The truth is,
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Speaker 1: I think of going into the bacon trade. I think
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Speaker 1: I see an opening for a brisk young man in
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Speaker 1: the ham and pork business. When you see me next,
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Speaker 1: I shall be traveling in pork and impenetrable disguise. You
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Speaker 1: mustn't come here, then, she answered, it won't be allowed here.
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Speaker 1: By that time the neighbors would fear not. He said,
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Speaker 1: I should be a commercial traveler, Oh, such a very
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Speaker 1: commercial traveler. And as for not coming here, the thing
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Speaker 1: seems quite unthinkable. You must let me at least write
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Speaker 1: to you every hour or so. You must let me
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Speaker 1: send you a few presents every morning. I'm sure my
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Speaker 1: father wouldn't like you to send me presents, she said, gravely.
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Speaker 1: Ask your father to wait, said Pierce, earnestly. Ask him
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Speaker 1: to wait till he's seen the presence. You see mine
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Speaker 1: will be rather curious presents. I don't think he'll disapprove
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Speaker 1: of them. I think he'll approve of them. I think
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Speaker 1: he'll congratulate me on my simple taste and sound business principles.
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Speaker 1: The truth is, dear Joan, I've committed myself to a
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Speaker 1: rather important enterprise. You needn't be frightened. I promise I
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Speaker 1: won't trouble you again till it succeeds. I will be
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Speaker 1: content that you know it is for you. I do
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Speaker 1: it and shall continue to do it if I defy
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Speaker 1: the world. He sprang up on the wall again and
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Speaker 1: stood there staring down at her, almost indignantly. That anybody
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Speaker 1: should forbid you to keep pigs, he cried, that anybody
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Speaker 1: should forbid you to do anything, That anyone should dispute
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Speaker 1: your right to keep pat crocodiles if you like. That
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Speaker 1: is the unpardonable sin, That is the supreme blasphemy and
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Speaker 1: crime against the nature of things. Shall not go unavenged.
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Speaker 1: You shall have pigs, I say, if the sky fall
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Speaker 1: and the whole world is whelmed in war. He disappeared
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Speaker 1: like a flash behind the high bank and the wall,
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Speaker 1: and jomed not back in silence to the Inn. The
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Speaker 1: first incident of the war did not seem superficially encouraging,
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Speaker 1: that the hero of it seemed by no means discouraged
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Speaker 1: by it. As reported in the police News of various papers,
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Speaker 1: Hillary Patrick Pierce, formerly of the Flying Court, was arrested
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Speaker 1: for driving pigs into the County of blunt Shire in
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Speaker 1: contravention of the regulations made for the public health. He
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Speaker 1: seemed to have had almost as trouble with the pigs
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Speaker 1: with the police, but he made a witty and eloquent
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Speaker 1: speech on being arrested, to which the police and the
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Speaker 1: pigs appeared to be equally unresponsive. The incident was considered trivial,
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Speaker 1: and his punishment was trifling, but the occasion was valued
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Speaker 1: by some of the authorities as giving an opportunity for
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Speaker 1: the final elucidation and establishment of the new rule. For
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Speaker 1: this purpose, it was fortunate that the principal Magistrate of
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Speaker 1: the Bench was no less a person than the celebrated
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Speaker 1: hygienist Sir Horace Hunter ob E m d, who had
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Speaker 1: begun life, as some may remember, as a successful suburban doctor,
16:30
Speaker 1: and had likewise distinguished himself as an officer of help
16:32
Speaker 1: in the Thames Valley. To him, indeed, had been largely
16:36
Speaker 1: due the logical extension of the existing precautions against infection
16:39
Speaker 1: from the pig. Though he was fully supported by his
16:42
Speaker 1: fellow magistrates, one being mister Rosenbaum, loew millionaire and formerly
16:46
Speaker 1: manager of Blissencoe, and the other the young socialist mister
16:49
Speaker 1: Amius Mins, famous for his exposition of Shaw on the
16:52
Speaker 1: simple life, who sat on the bench as a labor alderman.
16:56
Speaker 1: All concurred in the argument of Sir Horace that, just
16:58
Speaker 1: as all the difficulties and dad doubtful cases raised by
17:01
Speaker 1: the practice of moderate drinking had been simplified by the
17:03
Speaker 1: solution of prohibition, so the various quarrels and evasions about
17:07
Speaker 1: swine fever were best met by a very straightforward and
17:10
Speaker 1: simple regulation against swine. In the very improper remarks which
17:14
Speaker 1: he offered after the trial, the prisoner appears to have
17:16
Speaker 1: said that, as his three judges were a Jew, a vegetarian,
17:19
Speaker 1: and a quack doctor on the make, He was not
17:21
Speaker 1: surprised that they did not appreciate pork. The next luncheon
17:25
Speaker 1: at which the three friends met was in a sufficiently
17:27
Speaker 1: different setting. For the colonel had invited the other two
17:29
Speaker 1: to his club in London. It would have been almost
17:32
Speaker 1: impossible to have been that sort of colonel without having
17:35
Speaker 1: that sort of club, but as a matter of fact,
17:37
Speaker 1: he very seldom went there. On this occasion, it was
17:41
Speaker 1: Owen Hood who arrived first, and was, by instructions escorted
17:44
Speaker 1: by a waiter to a table in a bow window
17:47
Speaker 1: overlooking the Green Park. Knowing Crane's military punctuality, Hood fancied
17:51
Speaker 1: that he might have mistaken the time, and while looking
17:54
Speaker 1: for the note of invitation in his pocketbook, he paused
17:56
Speaker 1: for a moment upon a newspaper cutting that he had
17:59
Speaker 1: put aside as curiosity some days before. It was a
18:02
Speaker 1: paragraph headed old Ladies as mad Motorists and ran as follows.
18:08
Speaker 1: An unprecedented number of cases of motorists exceeding the speed
18:11
Speaker 1: limit have lately occurred on the Bath Road and other
18:13
Speaker 1: Western highways. The extraordinary feature of the case is that
18:17
Speaker 1: in so large a number of cases, the offenders appeared
18:19
Speaker 1: to be old ladies of great wealth and respectability, who
18:22
Speaker 1: profess to be merely taking their pugs and other pet
18:25
Speaker 1: animals for an airing. They profess that the health of
18:28
Speaker 1: the animal required much more rapid transit through the air
18:30
Speaker 1: than is the case with human beings. He was gazing
18:34
Speaker 1: at this estact with as much perplexity as on his
18:37
Speaker 1: first perusal. When the Colonel entered with a newspaper in
18:40
Speaker 1: his hand, I say, he said, I think it is
18:42
Speaker 1: getting rather ridiculous. I'm not revolutionists like you, quite the reverse,
18:47
Speaker 1: but all these rules and regulations are getting beyond all
18:49
Speaker 1: rational discipline. A little while ago they started forbidding all
18:52
Speaker 1: traveling menageries, not mind you stipululating for proper conditions for
18:56
Speaker 1: the animals, but forbidding them altogether for some nonsense about
18:59
Speaker 1: the safety of the public. There was a traveling circus
19:02
Speaker 1: stop near Acton, and another on the road to Reading.
19:05
Speaker 1: Crowds of village boys must never see a line in
19:07
Speaker 1: their lives, because once in fifty years a lion has
19:09
Speaker 1: escaped and been caught again. But that's nothing to what
19:12
Speaker 1: has happened since now, if you please, there is such
19:14
Speaker 1: a mortal fear of infection, that we are to leave
19:16
Speaker 1: the sick to suffer, just as if we were savages.
19:20
Speaker 1: You know those new hospital trains that were started to
19:22
Speaker 1: take patients from the hospitals down to the health resorts,
19:25
Speaker 1: Well they're not to run after ball the scenes. Lest
19:27
Speaker 1: by simply taking an invalid of any sort through the
19:30
Speaker 1: open country, we should poison the four winds of heaven.
19:33
Speaker 1: If this nonsense goes on, I shall go as mad
19:35
Speaker 1: as Hillary himself. Hillary Peers had arrived during this conversation
19:39
Speaker 1: and sat listening to it with rather a curious smile. Somehow,
19:42
Speaker 1: the more Hood looked at that smile, the more it
19:44
Speaker 1: puzzled him. It puzzled him as much as the newspaper
19:47
Speaker 1: cutting in his hand. He caught himself looking from one
19:49
Speaker 1: to the other, and Pierce smiled in a still more
19:51
Speaker 1: irritating manner. You don't look so fierce and fanatical as
19:55
Speaker 1: when we last met, my young friend, observed, Owen Hood.
19:58
Speaker 1: Have you got tired of pigs and police courts? These
20:00
Speaker 1: coercion acts the colonels talking about would have roused you
20:03
Speaker 1: to lift the roof off once. Oh I'm against the
20:06
Speaker 1: new rules, answered the young man coolly. I've been very
20:09
Speaker 1: much against them, what you might call up against them.
20:11
Speaker 1: In fact, I've already broken all those new laws and
20:14
Speaker 1: a few more. Could you let me look at that
20:16
Speaker 1: cutting for a moment who had handed it to him?
20:18
Speaker 1: And he nodded, saying yes, I was arrested for that.
20:22
Speaker 1: Arrested for what? Arrested for being a rich and respectable
20:26
Speaker 1: old lady, answered Hilary Peers. But I managed to escape
20:28
Speaker 1: that time. It was a fine sight to see the
20:31
Speaker 1: old lady clear a hedge and skidaddle across a meadow.
20:35
Speaker 1: Who had looked at him under bended brows, and his
20:37
Speaker 1: mouth began to work. But what's all this about the
20:39
Speaker 1: old lady having a pug or a pet or something. Well,
20:43
Speaker 1: it was very nearly a pug, said Pierce in a
20:45
Speaker 1: dispassionate manner. I pointed out to everyone that it was,
20:48
Speaker 1: as they were, an approximate pug. I asked if it
20:51
Speaker 1: was just to punish me for a small mistake in spelling.
20:54
Speaker 1: I began to understand, said hood. You were again smuggling
20:57
Speaker 1: swine down to your precious blue boar and thought you
20:59
Speaker 1: could rush the frontier in very rapid cars. Yes, said
21:03
Speaker 1: the smuggler placidly, we were quite literally road hogs. I
21:06
Speaker 1: thought at first of addressing the pigs up as millionaires
21:08
Speaker 1: and members of parliament, But when you come to look close,
21:10
Speaker 1: there's more difference than you would imagine to be possible.
21:13
Speaker 1: It was great fun when they forced me to take
21:14
Speaker 1: my pet out of the wrapping of shawls, and they
21:16
Speaker 1: found what a large pet it was. And do I
21:19
Speaker 1: understand cut in the colonel that it was something like
21:21
Speaker 1: that with the other laws. The other laws, said, peerce,
21:25
Speaker 1: are certainly arbitrary, but perhaps you do not altogether do
21:28
Speaker 1: them justice. You do not quite appreciate their motive. You
21:30
Speaker 1: do not fully allow for their origin. I may say,
21:33
Speaker 1: I trust with all modesty that I was their origin.
21:35
Speaker 1: I not only had the pleasure of breaking those laws,
21:37
Speaker 1: but of making them more of your tricks, you mean,
21:40
Speaker 1: said the colonel. But why don't the papers say so?
21:43
Speaker 1: The authorities won't advertise me, you bet, I've got far
21:45
Speaker 1: too much popular backing for that. When the real revolution happens,
21:48
Speaker 1: it won't we mentioned in the newspaper. He paused a
21:51
Speaker 1: moment in meditation, and then went on. When the police
21:54
Speaker 1: searched for my pug and found it was a pig,
21:56
Speaker 1: I started wondering how they could best be stopped from
21:58
Speaker 1: doing it again. It occurred to me that they might
22:01
Speaker 1: be shy of a wild pig or a pug that
22:02
Speaker 1: bit them. So, of course, had traveled the next time
22:04
Speaker 1: with dreadfully dangerous animals and cages, warning every one of
22:07
Speaker 1: the fiercest tigers and panthers that ever were known. When
22:10
Speaker 1: they found it out and didn't want to let it out,
22:12
Speaker 1: they could only fall back on their own tomfoolery of
22:14
Speaker 1: a prohibition wholesale. Of course, it was the same with
22:17
Speaker 1: my other stunt about the sick people going to health
22:19
Speaker 1: resorts to be cured of various fashionable and refined maladies.
22:22
Speaker 1: The pigs had a dignified, probably a rather dull time
22:26
Speaker 1: in elaborately curtained railway carriages with hospital nurses to wait
22:29
Speaker 1: on them, while I stood outside and assured the railway
22:32
Speaker 1: officials that a cure was the rest cure, and the
22:34
Speaker 1: invalids must on no account be disturbed. What a liar
22:38
Speaker 1: you are, exclaimed hood in simple admiration. Not at all,
22:42
Speaker 1: said peerce in dignity. It was quite true that they
22:43
Speaker 1: were going to be cured. Crane, who had been gazing
22:47
Speaker 1: rather abstractedly out the window, slowly turned his head and said, abruptly,
22:50
Speaker 1: and how's it going to end? Do you propose to
22:52
Speaker 1: go on doing all these impossible things? Pierce sprang to
22:56
Speaker 1: his feet with the resurrection of all the romantic abandon
22:59
Speaker 1: of his vow for the pigsty Impossible, he cried, you
23:02
Speaker 1: don't know what you're saying, or how true it is.
23:04
Speaker 1: All I've done so far was possible and prosaic. But
23:07
Speaker 1: I will do an impossible thing. I will do something
23:09
Speaker 1: that is written in all books and rhymes is impossible,
23:11
Speaker 1: something that has passed into a proverb of the impossible.
23:14
Speaker 1: The war is not ended yet. And if you two
23:16
Speaker 1: fellows will post yourself from the quarry opposite the Blue
23:18
Speaker 1: Boar on Thursday week at sunset, you will see something
23:21
Speaker 1: so impossible and so self evident that even the organs
23:24
Speaker 1: of public information will find it hard to hide it.
23:28
Speaker 1: It was in that part of the steep fall of Pinewood,
23:30
Speaker 1: where the quarry made a sort of ledge under a
23:32
Speaker 1: roof of pine, that the two gentlemen of something more
23:34
Speaker 1: than middle age, who had not altogether lost the appetitive adventure,
23:37
Speaker 1: posted themselves with all the preparations due to a picnic
23:40
Speaker 1: or a practical joke. It was from that place, as
23:43
Speaker 1: from a window looking across the valley, that they saw
23:45
Speaker 1: what seemed more like a vision, what seemed, indeed rather
23:48
Speaker 1: like the parody of an apocalypse. The large clearance of
23:51
Speaker 1: the western sky was of a luminous lemon tint as
23:54
Speaker 1: of pale yellow fading to pale green, while one or
23:56
Speaker 1: two loose clouds on the horizon were of a rose
23:59
Speaker 1: red and yet richer color. But the setting sun itself
24:02
Speaker 1: was a cloudless fire, so that a tawny light lay
24:04
Speaker 1: over the whole landscape, and the end of the blue
24:06
Speaker 1: boar standing opposite looked almost like a house of gold.
24:09
Speaker 1: Owen Hood was gazing in his dreamy fashion and said,
24:12
Speaker 1: at last, there's an apocalyptic sign in heaven for you
24:14
Speaker 1: to start with. It's a queer thing. But that cloud
24:16
Speaker 1: coming up the valley is uncommonly like the shape of
24:19
Speaker 1: a pig, very like a whale, said Colonel Crane, yawning slightly.
24:24
Speaker 1: When he turned his eyes in that direction, the eyes
24:25
Speaker 1: were keener. Artists have remarked that a cloud has perspective
24:29
Speaker 1: like anything else, but the perspective of the cloud coming
24:31
Speaker 1: up the valley was curiously solid. That's not a cloud,
24:35
Speaker 1: he said, sharply, it's a zeppelin or something. The solid
24:38
Speaker 1: shape grew larger and larger, and as it grew more obvious,
24:41
Speaker 1: it grew more incredible. Saints and angels cried Hood, suddenly,
24:44
Speaker 1: why it is a pig. It's shaped like a pig,
24:47
Speaker 1: all right, said the colonel curtly. And indeed, as the
24:49
Speaker 1: great balloon like form bulked bigger and bigger above its
24:52
Speaker 1: own reflection in the winding river, they could see that
24:54
Speaker 1: the long sausage shaped zeppelin body of it had been
24:57
Speaker 1: fantastically decorated with hanging ears and legs to complete that
25:00
Speaker 1: pantomimic resemblance. I suppose it's some more of Hilary's skylarking,
25:05
Speaker 1: observed Hood, But what is he up to now? As
25:08
Speaker 1: the great aerial monster moved up the valley, paused over
25:11
Speaker 1: the end of the blue boar, and something fell fluttering
25:14
Speaker 1: from it like a brightly colored feather. People are coming
25:16
Speaker 1: down in parachutes, said the colonel shortly. They're queer looking people,
25:20
Speaker 1: remarked his companion, peering under frowning brows, for the level
25:23
Speaker 1: light was dazzling to the eyes. By George, they're not
25:25
Speaker 1: people at all, They're pigs. From that distance, the objects
25:29
Speaker 1: in question had something of the appearance of cherubs in
25:31
Speaker 1: some gaily colored Gothic picture, with the yellow sky for
25:34
Speaker 1: their gold leaf background. The parachute apperatics from which they
25:37
Speaker 1: hung and hovered was designed and colored with the appearance
25:40
Speaker 1: of a great wheel of gorgelessly painted plumage, looking more
25:43
Speaker 1: gaudy than ever in the strong evening light that lay
25:45
Speaker 1: over all. The more the two men in the quarry
25:48
Speaker 1: stared at these strange objects, the more certain it seemed
25:51
Speaker 1: that they were indeed pigs, though whether the pigs were
25:54
Speaker 1: dead or alive, it was impossible at that distance to say.
25:57
Speaker 1: They looked down into the garden of the inn, into
25:59
Speaker 1: which the feathers things were dropping, and they could see
26:01
Speaker 1: the figure of Joan Hardy standing in front of the
26:03
Speaker 1: old pigstye, with her bird like head lifted, looking into
26:06
Speaker 1: the sky. Singular present for young lady, remarked Crane. But
26:10
Speaker 1: I suppose when our mad young friend does start love making,
26:13
Speaker 1: he would be likely to give impossible presents. The eyes
26:17
Speaker 1: of the more poetical hood were full of larger visions,
26:20
Speaker 1: and he hardly seemed to be listening, But as the
26:22
Speaker 1: sentence ended, he seemed to start from a trance and
26:24
Speaker 1: struck his hands together. Yes, he cried in a new voice.
26:27
Speaker 1: We always come back to that word. Come back to
26:29
Speaker 1: what word, asked his friend. Impossible, answered owen Hood. It's
26:33
Speaker 1: the word that runs through his whole life, and ours too,
26:35
Speaker 1: for that matter. Don't you see what he has done?
26:38
Speaker 1: I see he has done, all right, answered the colonel.
26:40
Speaker 1: But I'm not at all sure I see what you're
26:41
Speaker 1: driving at. What we have seen is another impossible thing,
26:45
Speaker 1: said owen Hood, A thing that common speech has set
26:47
Speaker 1: up as a challenge, a thing that a thousand rhymes
26:50
Speaker 1: and jokes and phrases have caused impossible. We have seen
26:52
Speaker 1: pigs fly. It's pretty extraordinary, admitted Crane. But it's not
26:57
Speaker 1: so extraordinary as there not being allowed to walk. And
27:00
Speaker 1: they gathered their traveling tackle together and began to descend
27:03
Speaker 1: the steep hill. In doing so, they descended into a
27:07
Speaker 1: deeper twilight between the stems of the darkling trees. The
27:10
Speaker 1: walls of the valley began to close over them, as
27:12
Speaker 1: it were, and they lost that sense of being in
27:14
Speaker 1: the upper air. In a radiant, topsy turbudum of clouds.
27:17
Speaker 1: It was almost as if they had really had a vision.
27:20
Speaker 1: And the voice of Crane came abruptly out of the desk,
27:22
Speaker 1: almost like that of a doubter when he speaks of
27:24
Speaker 1: a dream. The thing I can't understand, he said, abruptly,
27:27
Speaker 1: is how hilary man should do all that by himself.
27:30
Speaker 1: He really is a wonderful fellow, said Hood. You told
27:33
Speaker 1: me yourself he did wonders in the war, and though
27:35
Speaker 1: he turns it to these fanatical ends now, it takes
27:37
Speaker 1: as much trouble to do one as the other. Take
27:40
Speaker 1: the devilish lot more trouble to do it alone, said Crane.
27:42
Speaker 1: In the war there was a whole organization. You mean
27:45
Speaker 1: he must be more than a remarkable person, suggest the Hood,
27:48
Speaker 1: a sort of giant with a hundred hands, or God
27:50
Speaker 1: with a hundred eyes. Well, a man will work frightfully
27:53
Speaker 1: hard when he wants something very much, even a man
27:55
Speaker 1: who generally looks like a lounging minor poet. I think
27:58
Speaker 1: I know what it was he wanted. He deserves to
28:00
Speaker 1: get it. It's certainly his hour of triumph. Mystery to me.
28:03
Speaker 1: All the same, said the colonel frowning, wonder if you'll
28:05
Speaker 1: ever clear it up. But that part of the mystery
28:08
Speaker 1: was not to be cleared up until many other curious
28:10
Speaker 1: things had come to pass away. On another part of
28:13
Speaker 1: the slope, Hillary Pierce new lighted on the earth like
28:16
Speaker 1: the herald mercury, leaped down into a red hollow of
28:19
Speaker 1: the quarry and came toward Joan Hardy with uplifted arms.
28:22
Speaker 1: This is no time for false modesty, he said. It
28:25
Speaker 1: is the hour, and I come to you covered in glory.
28:27
Speaker 1: You come covered with red mud, she said, smiling. And
28:30
Speaker 1: it's that horrible red mud that takes so long to try.
28:33
Speaker 1: It's no use trying to brush it till I bring
28:35
Speaker 1: you the golden fleece, or at any rate, the golden
28:37
Speaker 1: pig skin, he cried in lyric ecstasy. I have endured
28:40
Speaker 1: the laborers, I have achieved the quest. I have made
28:42
Speaker 1: the Hampshire hog as legendary as the Caledonian boar. They
28:45
Speaker 1: forbade me to drive it on foot, and I drove
28:47
Speaker 1: it in a car disguised as a hug. They formade
28:49
Speaker 1: me to bring it in a car, and I brought
28:51
Speaker 1: it in a railway train disguised as an invalid. They
28:54
Speaker 1: forbade me to use a railway train. And I took
28:56
Speaker 1: the wings at the morning and rose to the uttermost
28:58
Speaker 1: parts of the air. A secret, and pathless and lonely
29:01
Speaker 1: is the wilful way of love. I have made my
29:03
Speaker 1: romance immortal. I have written your name upon the sky.
29:06
Speaker 1: What do you say to me now? I have turned
29:09
Speaker 1: a pig into a pegasus. I have done impossible things.
29:13
Speaker 1: I know you have, she said, But somehow I can't
29:15
Speaker 1: help liking you for all that. But you can't help
29:18
Speaker 1: liking me, he repeated in a hollow voice. I have
29:20
Speaker 1: stormed heaven, but still I am not so bad. Hercules
29:23
Speaker 1: can be tolerated in spite of his twelve labors. Saint
29:26
Speaker 1: George can be forgiven for killing the dragon woman? Is
29:28
Speaker 1: this the way I am treated in the hour of victory?
29:30
Speaker 1: And is this the graciult fashion of an older world?
29:33
Speaker 1: Have you become a new woman by any chance? What
29:35
Speaker 1: has your father been doing? What does he say about us?
29:39
Speaker 1: My father says you are quite mad, of course, she replied,
29:41
Speaker 1: But he can't help liking you either. He says he
29:44
Speaker 1: doesn't believe in people marrying out of their class. But
29:46
Speaker 1: if that I must marry a gentleman. He'd rather with
29:49
Speaker 1: somebody like you, and not one of the new gentlemen. Well,
29:53
Speaker 1: I'm glad I'm an old gentleman anyhow, he answered, somewhat mollified.
29:56
Speaker 1: But really this prevalence of common sense is getting quite dangerous. Well,
29:59
Speaker 1: nothing CAUs you all to a little unreality, to saying,
30:02
Speaker 1: so to speak, oh for the wings of a pig,
30:04
Speaker 1: that I might flee away and be at rest. What
30:06
Speaker 1: would you say if I turned the world upside down
30:08
Speaker 1: and set my foot upon the sun and moon? I
30:12
Speaker 1: should say, replied Joan Hardy, still smiling, that you wanted
30:15
Speaker 1: somebody to look after you. He stared at her for
30:17
Speaker 1: a moment in an almost abstracted fashion, as if he
30:19
Speaker 1: had not quite fully understood. Then he laughed, quite suddenly
30:23
Speaker 1: and uncontrollably, like a man who has seen something very
30:25
Speaker 1: close to him that he knows he's a fool not
30:27
Speaker 1: to have seen before. So a man will fall over
30:29
Speaker 1: something in a game of hiding and seeking and get
30:31
Speaker 1: up shaken with laughter. What a bump your mother Earth
30:34
Speaker 1: gives you when you fall out of an aeroplane, he said,
30:37
Speaker 1: especially when your flying ship is only a flying pig.
30:40
Speaker 1: The earth of the real peasants and the real pigs.
30:42
Speaker 1: Don't be offended, I assure you the confusion is a compliment.
30:45
Speaker 1: What a thing. It's horse sense And how much firener
30:47
Speaker 1: really than the poetry of pig? Is this? And when
30:49
Speaker 1: there is everything else as well that makes a sky
30:51
Speaker 1: clean and the earth kind, beauty and bravery in the
30:54
Speaker 1: lifting of the head. Well, you are right enough, Joan.
30:57
Speaker 1: Will you take care of me? Will you stop at
30:59
Speaker 1: home and clip my pigs wings? He had caught hold
31:02
Speaker 1: of her by the hands, but she still laughed as
31:04
Speaker 1: she answered, Yes. I told you I couldn't help, but
31:06
Speaker 1: you must really let go. Hillary, I can see your
31:08
Speaker 1: friends coming down from the quarry as she spoke. Indeed,
31:12
Speaker 1: Colonel Crane and Owen Hood could be seen descending the
31:14
Speaker 1: slope and passing through a screen of slender trees toward them. Hello,
31:18
Speaker 1: said Hillary Piers cheerfully. I want you to congratulate me.
31:21
Speaker 1: Don't thinks I'm an awful humbug, And right she is.
31:23
Speaker 1: I am what hus been called a happy hypocrite. At
31:25
Speaker 1: least you, fellows may think up and guilty of a
31:27
Speaker 1: bit of a fake in the last affair, When I
31:29
Speaker 1: tell you the news. Well, I will confess. What news
31:32
Speaker 1: do you mean, inquired the colonel with curiosity. Hilary Piers
31:36
Speaker 1: grined and made a gesture over his shoulder to the
31:38
Speaker 1: litter of poor signed parachutes to indicate his last and
31:41
Speaker 1: crowning folly. The truth is, he said, laughing, that it
31:44
Speaker 1: was only a final firework display to celebrate victory or failure,
31:47
Speaker 1: whichever you choose to call it. There isn't any need
31:50
Speaker 1: to do it anymore because the veto is removed. Removed,
31:53
Speaker 1: exclaimed Hood, Why on earth is that? It's rather a
31:56
Speaker 1: nerving lunatic suddenly go sane like that. It wasn't anything
32:00
Speaker 1: to do with the lunatics, answered Pierce quietly. The real
32:02
Speaker 1: change was much higher up, or rather lower down. Anyhow,
32:05
Speaker 1: It was much farther at the back of things, where
32:07
Speaker 1: the big businesses are settled by the big people. What
32:10
Speaker 1: was the change, asked the colonel. Old Oats has gone
32:13
Speaker 1: into another business, answered Pierce quietly. What on earth has
32:17
Speaker 1: old Oats got to do with it? Asked Hood, staring.
32:19
Speaker 1: Do you mean that yankee mooning over medieval ruins? Oh?
32:22
Speaker 1: I know, said Pierce wearily. I thought he had nothing
32:24
Speaker 1: to do with it. I thought it was the Jews
32:26
Speaker 1: and vegetarians and the rest, but they're very innocent instruments.
32:29
Speaker 1: The truth is the Enoch Oats is the biggest pork
32:31
Speaker 1: packer and importer in the world, and he didn't want
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Speaker 1: any competition from our cottagers. And when he says, goes
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Speaker 1: as he was express it. Now, thank god he's taken
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Speaker 1: up another line. But if any indomitable reader wishes to
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Speaker 1: know what was the new line mister Oates pursued and why,
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Speaker 1: it is to be feared that his only course is
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Speaker 1: to await and read patiently the story of that exclusive
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Speaker 1: luxury of Enoch Oats. And even before reaching that supreme task,
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Speaker 1: he will have to support the recital of the elusive
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Speaker 1: companion of Parson White. For these, as has been said,
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Speaker 1: are tales of topsy turbdum, and they often work backwards.
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Speaker 1: End of chapter three recording by Dolldy Pinuroles