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The Pattern Keeping You Stuck in One-Sided Relationships · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  If you're always giving fixing and you're pouring into relationships and no one's giving back to you and you're feeling unseen or resentful, then this video is for you'cause that's not love.
• 0:41
  Sis.
• 0:42
  What we're gonna be talking about today is the fact that you actually just have a lack of boundaries dressed up as devotion.
• 0:50
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 0:51
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life with all the extra stress, chaos, and drama.
• 0:56
  That most people are accustomed to.
• 0:58
  I've been a certified life coach since 2013.
• 1:01
  Been coaching women in different areas of their lives since 2010, so going on 15 years now.
• 1:07
  And lately we've been talking a lot about relationship dynamics, feminine energy, masculine energy, uh, spiritual concepts related to these things, nervous system regulation, a lot of really good fun stuff.
• 1:18
  So if that's something that you're interested in.
• 1:20
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• 1:30
  Our, my goal right now as a spiritual teacher, as a coach, as a a counselor, um, as someone who just wants to give back and help.
• 1:39
  Solve some of humanity's problems is I want men and women to start finally understanding each other.
• 1:46
  I want women to get outta survival mode, and in addition to that, I want to, or my husband and I both want to make sure that we can take a lot of these spiritual concepts like feminine energy and.
• 1:59
  Uh, polarity and relationships and all this kind of stuff and make it easy to understand and digestible so you can actually apply it into your life.
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• 3:12
  So let's get into it.
• 3:13
  Why do women get into this pattern of over giving?
• 3:18
  So overgiving, basically what it looks like, and I'll see it in the comment section below, I'll see it from women.
• 3:24
  They'll be in this position where they've been with a guy for like a bunch of years and they're basically his wife, uh, but there's no ring and she's desperate for a ring.
• 3:32
  So that would be an example of overgiving.
• 3:35
  Another way in which this shows up is women have been married, for example, for a while, and they feel like their husbands have gotten lazy or they feel like the men are not really stepping up and then the women have to overcompensate.
• 3:47
  So that is another way in which the overgiving and over-functioning, uh, shows up.
• 3:52
  And you know, a lot of it is just the Western mind, right.
• 3:56
  A lot of these feminine energy traditions and traits and skills, these relationship skills that used to get passed down from women to women that got broken in the Western world, it got broken in the world, period, but I'm in the west, it got broken.
• 4:11
  So there's been a lot of confusion and that's why women keep finding themselves overgiving and overfunctioning'cause they think that's what they're supposed to do.
• 4:19
  So the reality is that overgiving is not love, it's just control in disguise.
• 4:26
  It's not love.
• 4:27
  It's not you being the doting wife.
• 4:29
  It's not you being submissive.
• 4:31
  That's a whole other topic of conversation.
• 4:33
  You overgiving and over functioning is actually not even the fault of your man.
• 4:37
  You overgiving and over functioning is because you want control.
• 4:43
  I wanna let that sit in you Overgiving and over-functioning is because you want control, and this is something that a lot of women have to come to terms with, especially the married ones.
• 4:52
  This is something that a lot of women have to come to terms with, right?
• 4:56
  So this control is rooted in childhood conditioning.
• 5:00
  So maybe it's be the good girl, be the helper.
• 5:02
  In my case, the childhood conditioning, even though my father's a great man, he was there, my parents are great grandparents, amazing.
• 5:08
  The conditioning was still, men are not reliable for one reason or another.
• 5:12
  Men are not reliable or you know, they're not as smart or they're not as capable, or women are the ones who have to go solve everything.
• 5:19
  And if I didn't get that at home, then I got it in society at large.
• 5:23
  Through Hollywood school, so on and so forth, right?
• 5:26
  So there's that childhood conditioning.
• 5:28
  There's also fear of abandonment that if you don't overgive and over-function, then you are going to be abandoned or they're going to leave you, or they're going to break up with you.
• 5:37
  I see this a lot.
• 5:39
  When I used to do a lot of business coaching for women, this the same pattern shows up with money, right?
• 5:43
  So a lot of you are very high performing and you make a lot of money.
• 5:46
  So let me explain how it works with money and then maybe you'll see it translate on over to relationships.
• 5:52
  So what happens when we overgive and we over-function in our businesses?
• 5:57
  People don't wanna pay us because we seem desperate.
• 6:01
  That's what happens.
• 6:02
  Right?
• 6:03
  Um, if you're over, so I'll give a, an example of a sales conversation or a negotiation if you are the one trying to sell something, uh, to another p.
• 6:11
  Person and you're doing all the overgiving and over the talking and oversharing and just doing too damn much.
• 6:17
  They're not buying anything from you.
• 6:19
  You're not gonna get the money, you're not gonna get the deal closed.
• 6:22
  Well now translate that over into relationships.
• 6:24
  If you're overgiving and over functioning, you could get left anyway.
• 6:28
  And on top of that, and if you're dating, they just see you as insecure.
• 6:31
  When you are doing that, you are not what I call a rare magnetic woman if you're doing that.
• 6:36
  So a lot of it is outta fear of abandonment and that fear of abandonment and the over-functioning and overgiving when you're dating specifically actually repels healthy men.
• 6:46
  It kills the attraction.
• 6:47
  Uh, the only people that that attracts is men looking for a mother.
• 6:51
  That's it.
• 6:52
  And then there's an unconscious belief here.
• 6:54
  The unconscious belief is if I give enough, if I do enough, if I perform enough, then I'm going to be chosen.
• 7:02
  That's it.
• 7:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:03
  And feminine energy.
• 7:05
  True feminine energy, not like the bullshit you see on social media.
• 7:09
  Real feminine energy is not about self-sacrifice.
• 7:12
  It's actually about overflow from a resourced place, you are resourced in God.
• 7:18
  You have regulated your nervous system and you are giving from that.
• 7:22
  Overflow, you've taken care of yourself, right?
• 7:24
  And you are giving from that overflow.
• 7:26
  'cause the reality is that your worth is not measured by how much you bleed for someone else's comfort.
• 7:32
  Your worth is not measured by how much you do even in business.
• 7:35
  That doesn't really work.
• 7:37
  Now, the problem, like, let's going back to business as an example.
• 7:41
  The problem is that.
• 7:42
  It looks like it works in business.
• 7:45
  It looks like it works in your career.
• 7:46
  Like if I overdo an over function, then I'm gonna get paid more.
• 7:49
  And at first it looks like that but eventually you start getting to diminishing returns.
• 7:55
  Eventually you start going into, okay, it doesn't matter how much more I do or how much more I give, or how much more I over over-function, I'm not getting results anymore.
• 8:03
  Well, the same exact thing is going to happen in relationships.
• 8:06
  It's just with your career and your job, it's a little more.
• 8:10
  It is a little bit more muddy in that sense because in the beginning it will look like you are getting some sort of a reward or a pat in the back or an achievement until you eventually get to a spot of, uh, diminishing returns, right?
• 8:25
  But what happens is we're like, okay, well I haven't gotten to the diminishing returns in my business yet, and I'm getting the pat on the back and I'm getting the achievements and I'm getting the money.
• 8:34
  Let me take that same logic and put it into my relationships, and it just totally backfires.
• 8:38
  And with relationships, it'll backfire from the beginning, you know?
• 8:41
  So there isn't this period of, it looks like it's working, like when it comes to money, it'll just backfire from the beginning.
• 8:47
  So here's what overgiving looks like, right?
• 8:49
  In relationships.
• 8:50
  Overgiving sounds like it's fine.
• 8:52
  I'll handle it.
• 8:53
  I don't wanna be too much, if I love him harder, maybe he'll change.
• 8:57
  You know, the women who have the fantasy of changing a man, if I do more, he'll just change.
• 9:01
  If I do more, he'll just pick me.
• 9:04
  Those women.
• 9:05
  Uh, and then signs that you've crossed the boundary, you've, you've gone into diminishing returns, you've gone into, this is no longer working for me, is resentment, exhaustion, and feeling invisible.
• 9:16
  And the hard truth here is that you're not actually being rejected.
• 9:20
  You're just abandoning yourself and calling it love.
• 9:22
  And again, you're abandoning yourself because it's giving you some sense of control, and that is something women have to work on.
• 9:29
  So here's what feminine energy and healthy boundaries look like.
• 9:32
  I go a lot deeper into this in high value woman transformation, 50% off use code black at checkout.
• 9:38
  But here's a quick little recap.
• 9:39
  Feminine boundaries are soft and solid.
• 9:42
  You don't need to yell, you don't need to demand things.
• 9:46
  You also don't need to shut down.
• 9:47
  You don't need to run away.
• 9:49
  But what you need to do is you just need to know what your own standards and values are and you know, need to learn how to express them in a healthy way, in a way where there's feminine communication.
• 9:59
  So you might wanna practice saying things like, that doesn't work for me.
• 10:03
  I need time to feel into that.
• 10:06
  I'm just not available for this dynamic.
• 10:08
  And you don't have to be dramatic about it.
• 10:10
  In any way, shape, or form, because the reality is that when you have boundaries and standards and values, that actually creates polarity.
• 10:17
  It lets a man know, oh, this chick really values herself.
• 10:20
  Let me swoop her up.
• 10:22
  And again, it has to do with the way in which you express it.
• 10:26
  The energy with which you express these things is so important.
• 10:29
  I've done a lot of videos on feminine communication that you can check out on this channel and also check out high value woman transformation because that's where I go specifically into boundaries.
• 10:39
  And then I believe in feminine magnetism mastery.
• 10:42
  I just talk about, uh, speaking from a feminine way.
• 10:46
  From the beginning, just like a 1 0 1 version of that.
• 10:49
  Um, and then what that sounds like in dating and then in high value woman transformation, I go into boundaries specifically.
• 10:55
  So those are two places where you can learn a lot more about the communication.
• 10:59
  And for those of you who've been asking about like, oh, I'm dating, I'm in this stage, what do I do?
• 11:03
  You know, what should we be talking about?
• 11:05
  What should I, how do I say this or that?
• 11:07
  Check out the magnetic commitment program, which is also 50% off use code black.
• 11:11
  That one's gonna be specifically for, you know, what conversations should we be having when and how are those conversations coming up?
• 11:19
  How am I expressing these conversations?
• 11:21
  How do I do this in a healthy way?
• 11:24
  In other words.
• 11:25
  And then the final point here is you have to learn how to stop overgiving in real time.
• 11:31
  So what happens to most of us is that most of us are just going around the world reacting to things because we're very dysregulated.
• 11:37
  So there's like some sort of a stimuli and we just react to it, right?
• 11:41
  So for example, you'll see it in the YouTube comment section.
• 11:44
  Someone will white watch like 30 seconds of a video, and it's.
• 11:47
  Stimuli and they're already pissed off and they're reacting.
• 11:49
  Even though if they would've watched the whole video, they would've seen that I agreed with what they were yelling about in the comment section.
• 11:56
  But that's a reaction to stimuli and most people in the world, what they do is they just react to stimuli.
• 12:02
  And the overgiving is a reaction to stimuli.
• 12:05
  It's all it is.
• 12:06
  So the next time you feel the urge or the need or the anxiety or to overgive, you have to ask yourself, am I giving from a place of love or fear?
• 12:15
  I will take cooking as an example, because cooking tends to get everybody's panties in a bunch, right?
• 12:20
  There are a lot of women out here who will be like, I won't cook for a man.
• 12:23
  He is a grown man.
• 12:24
  He can make his own food.
• 12:25
  I won't make him his sandwich, so on and so forth.
• 12:27
  Right?
• 12:27
  If you're cooking for a man to perform for him so that he doesn't leave you and you're doing it from a fearful place, it's not gonna work anyway.
• 12:36
  If you're cooking for a man because you like to cook, you like to cook for him, you like to serve him like I do, I like to cook and serve my husband.
• 12:44
  The meals, that's totally different because you're doing it from a resource place, not from a place of, let me prove myself, let me be liked.
• 12:50
  I have anxiety, I don't wanna be left.
• 12:52
  That's the difference.
• 12:53
  That's why the energy.
• 12:54
  With which, with which you do things is so, so important.
• 12:58
  That's why emotional regulation is important.
• 13:00
  That's why giving yourself a response time between the stimuli and the action is so important.
• 13:06
  I've said this multiple times on this channel.
• 13:09
  Most people think that because they have a thought or they have a feeling that they need to react to that thought or feeling immediately when in reality.
• 13:18
  It's just a thought or a feeling.
• 13:20
  It doesn't mean you need to do anything.
• 13:22
  It's not a directive.
• 13:23
  It's not a a to-do item.
• 13:24
  It's not an action that you must take in this moment.
• 13:27
  Emotionally regulated.
• 13:28
  People know that.
• 13:30
  People who know how to regulate their emotions know that.
• 13:33
  So you wanna check your body right before doing anything.
• 13:36
  Check your body.
• 13:37
  Are you tense?
• 13:37
  Are you anxious?
• 13:38
  Are you tight in your chest?
• 13:40
  How are you feeling?
• 13:40
  Are you coming from a place of love or fear as a course in Miracle says, and you wanna let the silence do the heavy lifting, really go inside and be like, how am I feeling right now?
• 13:49
  Like I have this, uh, uh, pattern that I do now that when I feel myself getting anxious or overwhelmed or controlling or whatever, I try and catch it in that moment and I'll take a pause and I'll be like, why am I feeling this way?
• 14:02
  Where is this even coming from?
• 14:04
  And then I trace it back because your feelings are usually created by thoughts.
• 14:07
  And I will go to my thoughts and I'll be like, what am I thinking right now that's actually creating these feelings?
• 14:12
  And oftentimes I will just see that it's my ego making up a bunch of stuff in my head.
• 14:16
  And that's what's going on with a lot of people.
• 14:18
  Most people don't have the tools to be able to trace those things back, which is why I started this YouTube channel.
• 14:24
  So you wanna learn how to reframe this stuff, right?
• 14:27
  Because a lot of times what happens is we have these negative connotations with boundaries because if you've never had boundaries, then you just get walked all over like a doormat.
• 14:36
  Then what happens a lot of the time is if you've been walked all over like a doormat, then you're gonna swing in the other direction and then you're, instead of building a fence, you're gonna build a wall that nobody can scale.
• 14:47
  And that's when you get the women on the internet who are banging on tables, yelling about, he needs to make six figures.
• 14:53
  He can't make less than 200 KA year.
• 14:55
  He can't take me to the Cheesecake Factory.
• 14:57
  He needs to take me to a five star restaurant.
• 14:59
  That's when you see a lot of that stuff, right?
• 15:01
  Is women who've been walked on, or they have trauma and then they have.
• 15:04
  Swung in the other direction to try and protect themselves.
• 15:07
  Boundaries are neither.
• 15:09
  Boundaries are also not rejection.
• 15:11
  They're just energetic invitations for somebody to step up.
• 15:14
  That's it.
• 15:14
  And when you're in the dating phase, they filter out.
• 15:18
  What's not aligned so you can receive what is, so what happens to a lot of women, and I talk about this in high value woman transformation, I think specifically is where I talk about this.
• 15:27
  What happens is when a woman is moving up on the stages of feminine energy, what happens is like there's gonna be men who fall off.
• 15:35
  For example, and then a woman will start freaking out, oh my God, I'm not getting as many invitations.
• 15:39
  I'm not getting as many dates.
• 15:41
  I'm not getting as many men approaching me.
• 15:43
  What's going on?
• 15:44
  Or the one I liked fell off even though he was treating you like crap.
• 15:47
  The one I liked fell off.
• 15:48
  And then they start going into a tizzy.
• 15:50
  And what they don't realize is that when you set the boundaries, it's meant to filter out the ones who are not good for you.
• 15:56
  It's meant to filter out the ones you are not supposed to be with and what a lot of women also need to learn how to do.
• 16:02
  So not only do they need to reframe what a boundary is, oftentimes when they do this exercise, they also realize that they have to rewire their minds and bodies for knowing how to be attracted to what is good to them and for them, rather than being attracted to men who treat them like crap.
• 16:18
  'cause I'll hear it a lot.
• 16:20
  In the comment section from both men and women, a lot of women will be like, yeah, he's so good to me, but I'm just so bored.
• 16:26
  He's so boring.
• 16:27
  There's no chemistry.
• 16:29
  They'll say that.
• 16:29
  And then a lot of men are like, I'm a provider.
• 16:32
  I pursue them.
• 16:33
  I'm willing to give her a good life.
• 16:34
  They think I'm boring.
• 16:35
  I hear it all the time.
• 16:36
  A lot of times it's because a woman is dysregulated and she's still attracted to things that, um.
• 16:41
  Or her nervous system, I should say, is still moving toward what is familiar and what might be familiar to that woman is the chaos.
• 16:47
  What might be familiar to that woman is the drama.
• 16:50
  What might be familiar to that woman is the rejection.
• 16:52
  So when a good thing starts to come, she's freaking out.
• 16:56
  And when a bad thing starts to leave because that's what was familiar to her, she'll start to freak out.
• 17:03
  She'll think there's something wrong.
• 17:04
  There's nothing wrong.
• 17:06
  Your energy is just being reorganized.
• 17:08
  Trust.
• 17:09
  The process.
• 17:10
  So here's a quick recap.
• 17:11
  Your feminine energy is sacred.
• 17:14
  It is sacred.
• 17:14
  Your energy period is sacred and you don't need to deplete yourself to prove it.
• 17:20
  You don't have to prove your worth to anybody.
• 17:22
  You don't have to prove, um, that the more you do things, then maybe he will choose you, which is a pattern that a lot of you get into and those boundaries and knowing what they are and how to communicate them, which I did not have time to get into in this video, how to communicate them.
• 17:37
  Those are your crown.
• 17:39
  Wear it.
• 17:39
  That's your lens of discernment.
• 17:41
  Use it.
• 17:42
  They are there to protect you and keep your heart open.
• 17:45
  That's what they are there for.
• 17:47
  So if you wanna learn a lot more, you wanna go deeper into boundaries, specifically, check out the High Value Woman Transformation program.
• 17:53
  It's 50% off.
• 17:54
  It's one of our best sellers.
• 17:56
  We get people emailing us about it all the time.
• 17:58
  You can find it below, use code black at checkout for 50% off for Black Friday.
• 18:04
  You can use it on any of the other courses as well.
• 18:06
  Um, come join us, right?
• 18:08
  Because people who buy the courses, they get more access to me.
• 18:11
  We go a lot deeper into these things.
• 18:13
  Like, okay, Amanda, you're talking about boundaries, but like, how do I say the thing?
• 18:17
  So for those of you who are like, how do I say it?
• 18:20
  You can find that in the paid containers.
• 18:23
  And in addition to that, you guys are usually the first ones to find out when we have promos, we have new things coming out.
• 18:29
  Um, we've got a lot of fun stuff in the works for 20, 26 students will be the first ones to find out.
• 18:34
  And then after that, anybody on our email list is going to be the first one to find out, and you can join that for free below, and then you'll get the Enhance Your Feminine Energy Guide as a free gift.
• 18:46
  So thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.