Latest / You Minding Your Own Business / Episode 38- Why Do We Lower Ourselves In Order To Build Other People Up_

Transcript

Episode 38- Why Do We Lower Ourselves In Order To Build Other People Up_ · You Minding Your Own Business

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Up a little bit of technical difficulties.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I am so so sorry, Hi, y'all. Welcome to my channel. Y'all.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: I've been trying to have I've been having to train the.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Issues with my phone and then the issues with computers.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: It has been a day, but welcome.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: With self respect leads to self love. I'm your host,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: God is ash Mary. I'm gonna thank you guys for
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: joining me for this episode. If you guys let the
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: commentary you want to hear more, please go to speak
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: to the dot com Forward love my you mind your
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: own business and with self respect leads to self love
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: and also my YouTube channel from Darkness to Light and
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you guys for joining me for this episode
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: today's episode. Before we get started, let me first say
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I am a certify recovery, healing and recovery coach. It's
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: all about having people on their past and their journeys
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: to a new em better you through self discovery.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: These two podcasts.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: One is about self esteem, self work, and self values,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: and then the second one is about loving yourself despite
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: the fact of people loving you, whether they don't, whether
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: they you know.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: It's all about self respect.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: You believe it in yourself if no one else believes
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: in you, your confidence, your self worth, your self values
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: being based upon you and not based upon someone else.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: And also with you mind your own business, it's all
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: about everything that you do being based on what is
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: best for you and not what's best for everybody else.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Not trying to be who and what everybody else is,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: but being who you truly are as a person.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: That's what's important. So that's what these two channels are about.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Give me one second, I'm gonna add TikTok right quick,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: and then we'll get started.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Hey, y'all, how y'all doing.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Welcome to my podcast. You mind your own business and
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: self respect leads to self love. I appreciate y'all for joining.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Me for this episode.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: This episode is going to be all about mommy daddy
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: child dynamics.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Now, why is this important?
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: It's important because when it comes to mommy daddy child dynamic,
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: it's not something we talk about in the way that
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: I'm going to talk about this now, this particular topic as.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Far as why do we lower ourselves to build other
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: people up? I'm talking about family. Now, if you somebody
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: that has these particular issues and you won't come up
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: and you want to talk about it and you want
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: to express it on TikTok by all means you can.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: The floor is open.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Now, why is this particular topic so important when it
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: comes to mommy, daddy and children?
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: Because this particular.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Conversation when it comes to healing and recovery, is you
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: not lowering yourself for parents that really don't care about
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: you in the first place. Let me give you an
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: example of what I'm referring to. I've been watching a
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: bunch of stories about whether it's family, whether it's a
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: girl or a boy that basically essentially has a sibling
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: or siblings that are the golden child, the one that
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: mom and dad make excuses for him. They don't never
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: get in trouble, they always get the best birthday parties,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: they always get a full ride to go to college.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: The other ones that, no matter what they do, mom
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: and dad ain't never gonna see the truth about their behavior.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: They're never held accountable, no matter what, they're never held accountable.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: They can do what they want to, say what they
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: want to and it's okay for them to do it. Now,
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: these particular topics that I'm going to be pretty much
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: discussing it's gonna hit a lot of people, and I
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: mean a lot of people. It's gonna hit some of
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: y'all heart because for some of y'all, you've been through this.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: You have been through this particular.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Situation of what I'm talking about.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: You're the one that had to pay your way through college.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: You're the one that got to pay for everything. Your
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: mam and them wasn't there for your events. Why because
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: they were with your siblings. They took care of your siblings,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: paid their whole entire rent, bought them house, put stuff
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: in their name. And yet you were the independent one.
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: You were the one that basically has sent had to
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: basically use student loans, and had to work two or
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: three jobs just to be able to be in a
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: situation where you could even make it through college.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: You graduated college and high school, and your parents weren't
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: there because they were with your siblings. They were at
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: some sibling event. Your siblings' career is better than yours,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: So every time you got a promotion, every time you
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: talked about your career, it didn't matter. But it gets deeper.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: The parents that don't want you with a specific person.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: So every time your sister won't one of your exes,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: your mama make sure they have it. That type of
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: situation is what we're talking about today. I'm talking about
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: civil rivalry, but the fact that your parents always take
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: your sibling side over yours. The fact that you got
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: people out here that, no matter what they do when
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: it comes to their parents, their parents are never gonna
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: love them, never accept them unless they can do something
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: for them. Another example of this can be families that
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: basically leave their kids with their grandparents and they end
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: up or let's say your mama gets remarried, right and
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: because your father's gone and whatever way, they're gone now
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: or vice versa. Now all of a sudden, now they
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: don't want nothing to do with you. Now they're kicking
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: you out the house. Now they have a whole new family,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: whole new set of step kids, and you just the
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: ball head a stepchild. That is what we're talking about
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: this evening. And if any of y'all want to come
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: up here and you relate to it, then let me
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: know and I'll bring you up and we can do
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: a panel about this. This needs to be talked about.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: This really needs to be talked about because the fact
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: that you got kids that want the love from their parents.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: And then when they become successful, and then your parents
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: get older, now they want you to take care of them.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: They don't ask the golden child who they've been taking
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: care of all these years. No, they're asking you to
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: do it. But not only asking you to do it,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: They're asking you to take care of your sibling. The
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: one that don't work, the one that don't want to
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: keep a job, the one that is a social media
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: you know, influencer, the one that mom and them is
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: constantly willing to sell their house to give them a
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: seventy five thousand dollars waiting, but yet wouldn't walk you
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: down the aisle. The ones where your sister and them
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: are so entitled that they think that you need to
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: give up your house that you paid for to move
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: them in and you move into a studio apartment and
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: still pay their bills. Those type of parents are the
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: ones I'm referring to here. These are the parents that
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: I'm referring to. I'm referring to the parents that when
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: it comes to one, they're never treated fairly.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Compared to the other.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: And why does this happen? Why is it that the
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: child that does everything right, the child that actually goes
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: to school, the child that actually gets the education, the
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: child that actually is the independent, self sufficient child, not
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: because they want to be that self sufficient child, but
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: because they didn't have a choice. And you're probably wondering
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: why am I having this conversation because it explains your
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: romantic relationships, because the same thing applies with your friendships.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: Your romantic relationships.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: All of it centers.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: Around your parents.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: All of it does, every single bit of it centers
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: around that. So when you wonder why it is that
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: your spouse or your boyfriend, all the men and women
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: that you were with, why they cheated, it's the same
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: thing as it would be with your parents. When it
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: comes to your sibling, why is it that your sibling
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: gets more attention? Now, disability, I understand, but you have
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: some siblings that are the golden child that get mad
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: when your parents show you any type of attention, and
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: they'll go and they'll try to say, well, you know,
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: basically lie on you, so your parents won't pay you
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: no attention. So not only are you fighting against another
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: woman for a man, is no different than you fighting
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: against your siblings for your mom and dad's attention. You
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: trying to tell them about what you did in school.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Oh no, you know, it don't matter that you made
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: good grades. It didn't matter that you were out here
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: doing the right thing. All they care about is he's
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: the chosen one. She's a chosen one. She's the one
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: that's gonna make our generation better. She's the one that
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: got the finance job. She's the one that got the husband.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: You're not married. You don't need to have a house
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: that big. You don't need to have this. Your sister
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: deserves it more than you do. What do you mean,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: my sister deserves it more than I do. So instead
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: of them being there for your events, they're not even
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: there for your events. They're there for your siblings events.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: So they skip everything that you got going on, everything
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: that you're trying to do, just to go be with
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: the sibling. The fact that they went and got your
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: sister or brother a brand new car and you catching
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: a bus, working two or three jobs, get your first car.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: They gave your chacke, they gave your brother a free ride,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: but told you they can't afford to seend you to college,
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: that you don't need to go to college, that you
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: need to help your brother pay for his way through school.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: We don't want you to go to college. You need
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: to go to community college. Let me give you an
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: example of some of these scenarios. There was a story
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: about a young girl who she was always supposed to
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: do for her brother. Did that mean helping him with
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: his homework? Well, technically her doing her home his homework
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: for her. I mean her doing his homework for him.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: The fact that she started going to school, she had
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: to pay and help with the bills. He lived rent free.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: They paid his way through but didn't pay her way
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: through school college. They told her that we need you
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: to continue to work to pay for his way through school.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: So you've got paid child to pay for their oh come,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: they can't afford to pay for it. So you end
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: up going and spending and providing for your sibling because
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: family comes first. And then what always tell you, family
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: comes first, So you're up here taking care of your.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: SIBLINGSTISSI, Yeah, my thing went out.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: But you got people that sit up here and they
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: get kicked out because they don't want to do something
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: for their siblings. So for example, there was another story
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: where they wanted from her house. She paid for.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: A house that she paid for in order for.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: They were moving her stuff out of her house. The
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: devas in her name to move her sister into her
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: house because her sister wanted her house. The police had
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: to be called and they told her, you came into
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: the house.
• 16:02
  Speaker 6: This is her, that.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: E child dynamic and people telling them stories about how
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: they had a sibling and how their sibling was a
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: golden child, and how that sibling got everything and you
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: were forced to not only take care of your family,
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: but take care of her. But yet the family will
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: never ask that golden child to take care of them.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: I've seen and her stories of people basically selling their
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: house to give that golden child a seventy five thousand
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: dollars wedding. Seventy five thousand dollars wedding. So you mean
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: to tell me that you are willing to sell your
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: house to give your child a seventy five thousand dollars winding.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: I've seen stories where the parents ask the child that
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: they don't even deal with like that, they don't even
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: care about like that, to basically pay for their sisters
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: seventy five thousand dollars wedding and then tell her she's
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: not even invited not only is she not invited, but
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: then they got a sitting in a whole another section
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: that's not even with the family. You look at all
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: the pictures and you notice that you have a sibling
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: that's on the other side, not even in the picture.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: It's to the point where you're paying their rent, but
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: they don't even invite you for Thanksgiving dinner. They forget
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: your birthdays. Every year. For your birthday, they get you
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: something cheap, and yet you're getting them something expensive. You're
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: sitting up here trying to, you know what I'm saying,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: do all this stuff for all these people in your family,
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: and yet and still they trashing you, talking about you're
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: just you're just a bank. So let's say that when
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: you're paying your families all your family's bills, and you
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: come home for Christmas and they are trashing you, talking
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: about you ain't.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Nothing but a bank.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: That they're gonna that all the money that you gave
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: them to pay bills, they were going on vacations, the
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: money that you gave them to take care of them.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: You were pretty much, you know, doing doing what they
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: want to with your money. You up here working double shifts,
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: even if you made a hundred some thousand dollars a year,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: even if you made more money than that, The money
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: that could be in your pocket to buy a house,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: you're spending.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: On your family members.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: They don't call you, they don't check on you, they
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: don't do none of that. The only time they call
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: you is when they want some The only time they
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: call you is when they need something. But yet when
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: they come down to the bills, they quick to send
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: you a text message time at are you gonna make
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: sure the water bill is paid? You're gonna make sure
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: they elect your bill is paid. You're gonna make sure
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: this is paid. But yet they don't call you. You
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: going through something, but yet still they don't want to
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: be there for you. You telling them I can't keep
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: paying the bills. You told me this was temporary. Two
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: years later, you're still paying your mother's bills. Two years later,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: you're still paying your brother's pills. You're paying student loans,
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: you're paying off their scholarships, you're paying off their school.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: And you're not even the parent, you're the sibling. But
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: you're paying for your parents, but for your parents' stuff.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: And yet that's the only time they call you. They
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: don't call you to check on you. You could be
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: in the hospital. All they care about is are you
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: gonna pay the rent? Are you gonna make sure the
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: rent is good? Are you gonna make sure the rent
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: is DoD Are you gonna make sure it's taken care
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: of your sister calling you? Are you gonna make sure
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: you pay my rent? So not only are you paying
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: their rent, you're paying your sister's rent. Why, because your
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: parents are telling you family comes first. Family comes first.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: So it's not about the fact of the matter that
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: you have a life. It ain't even about the fact
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: that your parents even care about you like that, But
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: it's the fact that you are convenient and they know
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: that you. Won't they love so bad? Half of them
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: didn't even won't you half of them when you weren't
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: even born. Then you might find out that you may
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: not even be that person's child. You might find out
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: that basically, essentially, the person that you thought was your
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: or your mama may not even be your dad or
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: your mama. So when it comes to you lowering yourself
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: for your parents, especially the ones that put your siblings
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: above you, the ones that really didn't care about you
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: like that, the ones that never gave you birthday parties,
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: was never there for your events.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Every time you told them you.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Want to do something, they will tell you though it's
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: not realistic. You the one that's not married. Why are
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: you not married? Why are you not in a relationship?
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: You should be married because I choose not to be.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: But yet your sister's better than you because she's married
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: and got kids. You're the one that's designated babysitter, the
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: one that every time that she going through something, You
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: the one gotta.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Watch their kids.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: You're the one that's mister and missus dependable when they
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: come to your family members. So the reason I did
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: this this particular topic is because I I've been seeing
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: this quite often, more so than not. I have been
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: seeing a lot of people cutting their families off. They mamas,
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: they daddies, their parents. I've seen their siblings. I have
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: seen a lot of people cutting people off because they
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: are sick and tired of being their families atm You
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: got parents that kicked you out the house and as
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: soon as you got some money, here they come. You
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: got parents that went and got your sister or car
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: off your credit. You got parents that use your Social
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Security number to put stuff in your name by the
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: time you turn eighteen. You had no idea that all
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: this stuff was put in your name by your mama.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: You have people that you have a beach house somewhere
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: that you work for, and your parents turn right back
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: around and they end up taking your beast house and
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: renting it out without your permission. They sitting up there,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: coming to your beach house, messing it up, not cleaning out.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Every weekend. They coming to your house wanting to party.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: You let your sister and she bringing people in your house.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: You don't even know, letting people come all through your house.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Your sister who wants to live off you rent free,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: or your brother the one that want to live with
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: you rent free, and then you end up selling your house.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: You end up moving to another state. How could you
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: just up and leave? How could you just up and
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: leave and go to another state?
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Or your family?
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Your brother or sister's getting married and y'all aren't in
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: a good place. But the person she's marrying all about family,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: so they want to meet you, and you're like, I
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: ain't going. We need you to come because we need
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: to build like a family, well but not a family.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Why in the world would I go. I'm not gonna
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: go and act like we're a family. No full where
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: we're in, No family like that. You know that's your favorite.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Why don't you ask your favorite to do all these
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: things for you since they're your favorite. No, she can't
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: do it. She's still trying to find herself. What do
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: you mean she's trying to find herself, find herself as
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: far as what So I'm the reliable one, I'm the
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: independent one. So that's the reason you want me to
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: pay your bills. Not for two or three months, but
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: you want me to pay your bills for six or
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: seven months. You the one that sits quiet, You the
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: one that guilt trip and the doing stuff for them,
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: but they don't reciprocate it.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: You the one sitting up here.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: All you want is your parents to love you and
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: yet instill for some reason or another, they don't. You
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: can make straight a's do what's right, and your parents
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: will still make you feel like you're the problem, make
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: you feel bad because if you say no, they'd be like, well,
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: family comes first. They raise you to do for everybody else,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: but forget about yourself. Post traumatic slave disorder. So while
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: you sitting up here, bending over backwards. Your parents ain't
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: there for none of your events, ain't there for your
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: birthday parties. They drop you off at grandma or take
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: your sibling and do whatever they want to get some
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: step kids and that like you don't exist. They kick
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: you out when you're eighteen, but let your stepbrother and
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: steps still stay in the house. These things kind of
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: sound familiar to you. Some of y'all ain't ready for
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: these type of conversations. That's why I said, I'm not
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: surprised by all people going in and out.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: But welcome to siblings.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: The one thing about sibling rivalry daddy child dynamic, and
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: when they come to recovery, it starts there, and start there.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: It absolutely starts there. So once youes start dealing with
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: your family and shoes, it's gonna be easier for you
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: to be able to deal with your other issues. Like
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: for example, there is one where it says, my sister
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: revealed that she's carrying my husband's baby. So you got siblings,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: even want your husband or your wife, you have siblings,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: and every time you get somebody in your life, they
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: try to take them every chance they get. You have
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: siblings that don't even here, they will sleep with your husband,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: sleep with your wife. They don't care, just have one
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: up on you. And then the crazy part is you
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: got parents that say, oh, it's no big deal. My
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: sister slept my husband, my slip, My sister slept with
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: my ex, my brother slept with my girlfriend, and all
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: your parents say, oh, he's a better one. And what
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: makes it worse is when your parents tell the person
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: you're with that you better off with your sister or
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: brother than you. When you got your parents tearing you
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: down every chance you get, y'all get around family and
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: they are tearing you up, embarrassing you time about You're
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: the embarrassment, you're the screw up, so on and so forth.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: This is what they're saying about you. This is what
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: they're talking about when it comes to you. So I'm
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: just saying, at the end of the day, this is
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: what they're doing. Doesn't make it right, no, But when
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: you start accepting the fact that your family ain't never
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: gonna accept you, and you stop jumping through hoops and
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: lowering yourselves to try to get your family to like you,
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: try to get your family to know your work trying
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: to get your family to accept you, you'll do it
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: in every other part of your life, every other part
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: of your life, you'll do it for So at the
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: end of the day, I want people to understand that
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: when it comes to mommy daddy child dynamic, if my
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: mother was to ever accept the fact of my sister
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: sleeping with my ex, we'd have a very sich problem.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Because I went and talked to him. Then you got
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: my mom kicked me out at sixteen to raise her
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: new kids, and then as soon as she made some money,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: he'll come her mam. And now I'm talking about they
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: need some money time. My family come first. You kicked
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: me out at sixteen for your step kids, and now
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: you want me to give you some money. Now you
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: want me to pay your bills. Where's your golden child at?
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: They have to find themselves. They have to try to
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: figure things out. You're so responsible. You got yourself together.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: You don't need to have what you have. You need
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: to share with your sister. Every time you get something,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: you got to give it to your sibling because they
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: want it. Okay, James stopped fearing. I want what I
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: want and I want it now.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Cool. So just the fact that you got parents that
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: put one on a pedestal and the other one like
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: they trash is ridiculous. So the fact you're gonna ask
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: me to pay for my sibling's wedding, why am I
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: paying for it?
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: And that's your job.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I'm not paying for no wind, I ain't paying tventy
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: five thousand dollars and no win. You even got parents
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: that will sue their child because they don't want to
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: pay for something, Then is this one now? Also? I
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: can flip this. You have sons that disrespect their mothers
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: and daughters that disrespect their mothers when they get older.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: And here's one.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: Her son kicked his mother out for his wife and
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: she was the one paying a mortgage. And then you
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: and then another one at dinner, Dad said, we never wanted.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: A daughter like you.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Who tells they child's a mess? Let this whotels their daughter.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: We never wanted a daughter like you. So you gonna
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: tell your child that they're not good enough, that they're
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: not worthy. And you wonder why these women keep staying
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: with these men that basically commit domestic violence.
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: And you wonder why.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Because verbal abuse and mental abuse and psychological abuse is
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: just as bad as physical abuse. Then there's another one
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: where it says at our reunion, a dark secret was
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: exposed that tore us apart forever. So you know, at
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, you're gonna have parents that's
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: gonna kick people out because they're pregnant. And then when
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: they get some money and they broke here didn't come.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: So when they're not doing well, that's when they want
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: to call you. Oh I heard you made some money.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Oh I heard you wanted a lot of me. Oh
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: I heard you were doing this. I heard you were
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: doing that. And then they call you like they talked
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: to you yesterday, and y'all ain't talking in fifteen.
• 31:46
  Speaker 7: Years after you.
• 31:55
  Speaker 6: I mean.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Ten years after they kicked you out. Now here they come,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I'm also well, doing so well? You want to thinking
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: about me? So when your new husband was doing so well,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: Oh you want thinking about me? Now you want me
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: to buy you all this stuff? When you kicked me
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: out and you told me was not sure, So now
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: you want me to help you out. Now you want
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: me to buy you all these things. Now you want
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: me to pay for my siblings college that I that
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: I don't even know. So you went ahead other kids
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: and act like I didn't exist. And now you want
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: me to help you out now that you don't vade
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: it to the NBA, the NFL. Now you're doing music
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: and whatever you're doing, and now you're successful. Here come
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: all the family members that never talk to you, talking about, well,
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I got a new business, and you know, I got
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: a new something that I want. I want to start
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: up and I need some money. Dude, you don't even
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: call me, then, can you tell them? No? They go
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: and tell everybody on social media, tell all your family members,
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: and now they calling you talking about why you don't
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: want to help your sister, why you don't want to
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: pay for her way? First of all, why am I
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: paying for her wig? She told me she didn't want
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: me to go. This girl blatantly disrespected me, and you
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: think I'm gonna pay for her wedding. You think I'm
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: gonna sit up here and pay for her wedding after
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: I've been disrespected by her. And then when they go
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: behind your back and pull money out of your account
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: because you have a shared account, and they take seventy
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: five thousand dollars of your money without your knowledge and
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: go and pay for a way that you know nothing
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: about and that you weren't even invited. Then you're sitting
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: that they're paying their bills every single month and they
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: don't even want you to come for Christmas. They don't
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: even want you to come for Thanksgiving. But yet instead
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: you want me to pay your bills. I'm in the
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: hospital and I'm asking you to take care of my kids.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: But yet you and you are the whole nother state.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm paying your bills, money, extra money that
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: could be in my pocket. I'm paying your bills because
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to be the daughter that I'm supposed to be.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: But your golden child ain't paying for nothing. Your goa
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: ain't doing nothing, ain't helping you in any capacity. But
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: yet you come to me because I'm the reliable one,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: I'm the strong one, I'm the independent one. So you
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: come to me asking me to help you out. And then, man,
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: when I leave another state, then when I try to
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: take another state job, you're telling me, oh, no, you
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: don't need to take another state job. You don't need
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: to do that. Why not? Why not? Well, you don't
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: need to do that, because I'm realistic. That's why half
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: of us didn't live it, didn't leave, didn't live our dreams.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: So if you want to know why a lot of
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: people didn't leave, didn't live their dreams. This is why
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: your mom and your ned and that faith a child
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: that they had. So some of y'all can relate to this.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: So if you can relate to this, you can let
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: me know by the hearts in this room, because there
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: are a lot of people that did not live the
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: not reach their goals or their potential, not because of
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: anything they did, except their parents. Because their parents put
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: them through what I like to call post traumatic slave
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: disorder where you were a slave to your parents, you
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: were a slave to your siblings.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: That's why.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: So at the end of the day, when you have
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: parents that sit up here and make you feel less
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: than what you are, put your siblings above you make
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: you feel like you ain't good enough, you ain't worthy,
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: they're not deserving. You know what I'm saying? Then what
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: And the sad part about it is you won't they
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: love so bad you're willing to allow them to disrespect you.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: You sitting up here feeling guilty because you don't want
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: to hurt your family, because family helps family. But the
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: only person that's doing all the giving is you, You
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: the one paying their bills. You the one that they
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: sit her through school or him through school, but you
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: had to pay your own way.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: And then there's another one where.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: You even got issues with mother in laws. They don't
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: like their daughter in laws. You have friends that sleep
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: with each other, man or woman for that matter. So
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: all these relationships start with your parents. And the only
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: reason you're taking that abuse is because of the fact
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: of the verbal abast that your mom and them pushed through.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: And then here's one right here, her mother stole her
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: dream house for her sister. You're gonna sell somebody else
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: house that you ain't got the right, So you gonna
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: sell your child's house that you don't even have the
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: right to sell, but you're gonna sell their house for
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: their siblings.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: Then there's another one.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: My sister's kids ruined my party and broke a two
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars TV. How in the world is your kids
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: gonna come to my house and disrespect my house. Then
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: you have sisters and brothers that want you to babysit it,
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: and now you're the certified babysitter. So when y'all go
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: out of town, the only reason they want you to
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: go out of town because they need you to babysit,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: So while they're enjoying the vacation, you're sitting at their babysitting.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: You're the one sitting up here babysitting. You're the one
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: that's sitting up here every time your parents need you.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: When you say jump, when they say jump, you say hi. Hi.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: You're the one always making the sacrifice. You're the one
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: where you were in college, had the work two or
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: three jobs just to pay for school, and then when
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: you make it, the one that they never said would
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: make it, the one they said was not good enough,
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: the one they said will never go to college, the
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: one they said they will never do anything. Now they're
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: calling you. So now when things ain't going so well,
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: now they're calling you. They're not calling a golden child,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: the one they spend all that money on, the one
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: they paid through the school, who had a free ride,
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: the one that got a brand new spanking car where
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: I had to ride the bus, the one that ain't
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: never got to be held accountable for nothing because mom
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: and Daddy gonna keep on for the life of them,
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: making excuses for them, keep protecting them, keep trying to
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: sit up there and be there for them. That's what
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: they're going to do. Some of them will even go
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: in debt for these kids, but they'll never do it
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: for you. But yet they expect you to pay their bills.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: Oh it's temporary, it's temporary. Or you renovate their house
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: and then they tell you, oh, by the way, I'm
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: gonna give it to your sister, your brother. So I
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: renovated the house, and you told me verbally you were
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: gonna give me the house, and then you turn around
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: and you give it to them after I paid to
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: fix them on times, you telling me that I'm giving
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: you money to pay your bills and you are going
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: on vacation with my money. I'm the one doing all
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: these things for my family, and yet Instill, not once
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: have y'all done anything for me. Since I was a kid,
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: My birthdays I had to spend by myself because my
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: sibling had a cheerleading praightnice.
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: And shit they had to deal with.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: You didn't walk me down the aisle because my sister's
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: promotion was bigger than my wedding. So you mean to
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: tell me that all of my events when I was
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: a kid you missed because my siblings was more important.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, so again, welcome to recovery. Welcome to recovery,
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: because once you start dealing with your family, everything else
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: when it comes to other people gonna be easier for
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: you to deal with. So, for example, there's one where
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: it says dad shouted leave my house. I smile, then
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: empty every account in my name. You have no idea
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: how much stuff is in your name that your parents
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: put in your name.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: That you have no idea that they did.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: You have no idea what they do behind your back
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: because you don't know. So again, when you start going
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: through recovery, and once you start cutting ties with your family,
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: you gonna realize everything you go through and every other
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: relationship is gonna be the same as your family dynamic.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: And all you're doing is letting the same people and
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: remind you of your parents that act like your parents
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: do the same thing to you. It's just like domestic violence.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: If you somebody that was an abusive relationship. Let's say
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: for your for example, your mam and were very abusive
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: when you were a kid, you will let every person
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: put their hands on you. So you're gonna start realizing
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: that a lot of people you dated will remind you
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: a lot of your parents in some way shape from us,
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: male or female. So, like I said, you just never know.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Then it says mom chose stepsister over me. And the
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: minute that I share my college fund. So how you
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: gonna ask somebody to share their college fund? Why I'm
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: not sharing my college fund that I worked hard for
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: or that was given to me for somebody else. I've
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: seen people where the father somebody will send money and
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: they'll give it to the other siblings. And so they're
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: asking you, how did you let the new house? What
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: new house? Oh, they didn't tell you that we bought
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: you a house? No, she living in it. So now
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: the person that's been sending money every month for you,
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: or inheritance that will be given to you, or a
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: college fund that was set aside for you for your
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: grandparents for sibling because they ain't basically have the trust
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: over because they have power attorney, they're your guardian, so
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: you ain't seeing a dimon. So while you busting your
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: behind and working, they're taking your inheritance and spending it
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: on your sibling and spending it on themselves. Stop like
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: this happens all the time, Literally all of the time.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: It happens all the time.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: And then if something happened to your parents and they
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: left money for you, see it, when you're a kid,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: if your damn left you money and your mom gets remarried,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: you may not even see that money. She gonna take.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: She gonna take that money and put it towards her
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: new family.
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: So that's what I'm saying.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: That's why when they come down to situations where you
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: have people that get married and there are kids involved,
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: that's a hard pill to swallow. Then you also got
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: my family that owned me for buying a mansion. Why
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: you gonna be mad because I decided to buy a mansion.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: And what does that got to do with you? So again,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: these conversations, y'all ain't running for you ain't ready for
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: these conversations. But this is why I look at the
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: country Wayne Skits the way I do, because a lot
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: of this stuff is real, real stuff. Not only does
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: this happen with kids, this all so happens with parents
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: when they get older. When like, for example, let's say,
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: for example, you get older, your kids now kicking you
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: out because of their new wife.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: And they knew husband. Now all of a sudden, your your.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Kids want to put you in a in a in
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: a group home. They want to put you somewhere. So
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm just saying these things happen all the time. Huh.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: Give me one giving one sick women at him know
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: that I'm doing a live home, because give me one second,
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: I don't even let this person I'm doing alive. So
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I just want people to understand. I get it, and
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: I understand. But like I said, this stuff happens all
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: the time when it comes to parents, when it comes
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: to them having a new family, when it come to
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: a sibling, and you the one that ain't done nothing wrong,
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: but yet you're the worthless one. You're the one that's
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: not good enough. You're the one that's not this and
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: not that. Why because they never wanted to have you
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: in the first place. Why because now they have their
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: golden child. Let's just say that. Let's say your father
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: wanted a boy and got a girl, and then he
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: finally gets his boy. Guess what it gonna treat you
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: like triest. Why because he wanted a boy, he didn't
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: want a girl. So when it comes down to recovery,
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: that one right there gonna be the hardest family. Family,
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: gonna be the hardest because when you start looking at
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: your family and when you look at everybody else, you
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: gonna realize you're going through the same thing because you're
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: dealing with the same type of spirit of people like
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: your parents.
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: Verbally, I keeps.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: Give me a stake, you know, want to say I
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: told him I was doing alive. When it come to
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: your parents, your parents are the ones that's gonna break
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: your self esteem worse than anybody else. Your parents and
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: your family are gonna do way more damage than anybody else.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: Everybody else just gonna make it worse. So what I
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: want people to understand is when it comes to these
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: topics of country, Wayne, I take them seriously because of
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: the fact when it comes to your parents, your parents
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: are gonna break you and everybody else. Don't take advantage
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: of that. Because you can sit here and tell people
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: what you've been through, they're gonna put you through the
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: same thing. Why, because the spirit of your parent is
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: just like that person. That's why when people say that
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: they don't want to date somebody like their parents, and.
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: Y'all wonder why.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: But it also can flip because also kids go against
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: their parents too. You have a lot of parents, a
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: lot of kids, the same spoiling titled kids that I'm
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: talking about, same ones will not take care of their parents.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: So when you stop.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: Taking care of them, they get mad because you're not
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: gonna take care of them. Why is it that you
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: don't want to take care of you? Being self way man?
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: Held on? Are you gonna take care of now that
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: I'm cutting them off? Because you are? You gonna take
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: care of them?
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: Since you know you.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: The golden child at all?
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: Why shouldn't you take care of them?
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: Consider they treated me not trash, considering they were always
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: there for you, considering they bought you everything. But yet
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: you don't want to reciprocate that. You only come to
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: our parents when you need something. But see that's the
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: way they raised you. They raised you to be entitled.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: That turns around and it flips. It's just like the
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: kids that grew their parents' company and then turn around
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: and give it to their brother, the one that ain't
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: done nothing for the company nothing, ain't done nothing for
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: the company at all, and yet still they're gonna hand
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: it over to that person. So it's just funny how
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: the person that helped you, the person that had your back,
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: despite how they've been treated. Is not the one that's
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: gonna be the one that's gonna benefit. It's always gonna
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: be that golden child. It's always gonna be that spoiling title.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: It's always gonna be that beautiful person, the person that
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: ain't got to do nothing. So it starts with childhood.
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: It happens all the time.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: So you got people that have grown the businesses, that
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: have worked for their families. They're the ones that basically
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: talk about you know, it's like one where I'm looking
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: right now. After refusing to help pay for my college,
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: my parents expected me to give one hundred and forty
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars to my brother. You lost your mind if
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: you think I'm doing it. See, these topics are not
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: talked about. But see here's the kicker of it all
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: when it gets to these real, deep and death conversations.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Oh no, y'all ain't ready for these deep and death
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: conversations because some of this stuff is a little bit
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: too real for y'all to deal with. But that's why
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: you're not healed, because you don't want to deal with
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: these real, in depth conversations. You don't want to accept
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: the truth for what it is. So a lot of people,
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: y'all wonder why they cut their families off. You wonder
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: why they are cutting people off and why they're alone
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: because they're tired of being hurt. They've been hurt by
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: their family. They haven't hurt by their friends. They've been
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: hurt by everybody who they thought cared about them, and
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: they tied. So it's not the fact that some people
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: want to be alone. Some people realize they ain't got
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: no choice because the only way they're gonna have any
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: peace is the only way they're going to be able
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: to live their lives and have some type of self esteem,
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: self work, and self value because everybody and their mamas
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: always tell them down all the time, making them feel
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: less than what they are.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: So I'm just saying I get it.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: I understand, I really, really, really really dom I get it.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, there are a lot of
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: people that whose lives went straight downhill because of the
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: way their parents treated them, because of the fact they
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: were told they weren't good enough, they weren't worthy, Like
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: this one here, after refusing to help pay for my
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: college and after I done got myself together, he'll come
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: my parents asking me for one hundred and forty thousand
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: dollars to pay for my siblings college. Ain't no way
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: in the world I'm paying for it. I need you
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: to give up your house that you can pay your
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: sister's debts. Why am I doing work? See when it
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: comes to healing and recovery, y'all ain't ready for these
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: conversations because all of your relationship issues came from your parents.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: They were the first relationship you ever been in. And
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: there's no other relationship that is any different than your parents,
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: except the ones you have in sex with. Take away
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: the sex. There is no difference between your husband, your
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: best friend, your mama, your daddy, your siblings. Nothing that
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: same type of control or where. If somebody wants you
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: to lower yourself, it's no different than your parents do
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: when they want you to take care of your siblings
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: when they tell you that you don't make good enough
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: grades to go to college. The same ones that give
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: your siblings the better birthday parties pay for them to
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: go to school, but yet don't pay for you. So
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, The ones that mock you
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: because of the fact you the one that had the struggle.
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: Of course you can mark me Mom and dad pay
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: for everything. Of course you can mark me. Of course
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: you can make me feel less than what I am,
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: cause mom and dad pay for everything. Mom and dad
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: are still paying for everything. Mom and dad just mortgage
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: their house for you. Mom and dad went above me
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: on to make sure that they went to all your events,
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: and yet they came to noother mind. And for some
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: of y'all, y'all might think that's a hating thing, but
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: it's not. It's valid. They didn't care about show feelings.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: You supposed to build your sibling, the golden child, the
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: one that is their golden child.
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: You supposed to take care of them.
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: You supposed to take care of your sister, says who.
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: Says?
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: Who?
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: You weren't supposed to have baby. So even if flipped,
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: because now these these golden kids, when they come to
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: their parents, the same ones mom went through all of
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: this folk, when they get older, they sons end up
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: kicking them out, taking all their money, and now leaving
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: you out there. And it's the one that you did
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: dirty is the one that you expect to clean up
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: the mess. You expect that child who you treated like
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: trash for over the other one. Now you want them
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: to help.
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: You pay your bills.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Family helps family, But the one that is your golden
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: child keeps messing up and screwing up and spending all
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: your money. And yet now you're broke and you wonder
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: why you ain't got no money. You ain't got no
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: money because instead of instead of you telling them no,
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: instead of you making them deal with consequences, you cover
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: it up. Now you got a child that's running around
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: here stealing, and you now gotta pay for what they stole.
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: They do all these investments, and when they screw up,
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: you guess who paying for it?
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: You?
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: Are you the one going to get loans for this
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: child that basically you just can't tell no. But the
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: other one you're saying, Oh, they're independent on they're strong,
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: they can make it, they're gonna be fine. But yet
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: that's the one you're expecting to pay for everything. That's
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: the one you have absolutely no respect for. That's the
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: one you keep saying they're not good enough, they're not worthy.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: That's the one you don't give them not a bit
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: more of a birthday party, But yet you give your
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: set that's sibling A twenty twenty five Doutars twenty twenty
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: five car. But yet I have to pay for my
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: own car. You give me handy downs. Buy them new clothes,
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: buy them new shoes, buy them new art supplies. I
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: have to go through handy downs. Oh what I want
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: to do isn't something that's worth doing? Oh? Is that
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: what we're doing now? And then when you tell them
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: your parents this, Oh no, we treated y'all equally after
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: everything I've done for you know you have not. You
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: have not treated us equally. The one that actually is
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: doing the right thing, that is the one you're trashing.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: That's the one you're saying their grades ain't good enough.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: But the one that constantly screw up you keep making
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: excuses for. And then you wonder why people have depression.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: You wonder why people every time they get in relationships
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: they don't feel good enough, why some people are going
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: through verbal abuse, why they allow people to treat them
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: any kind of way. Your parents were the first ones
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: to do it. They were the first ones. No matter
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: what you did, it won't good enough. And you just
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: continue to keep trying until you almost in the brave.
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: That the you can't.
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: Do something, The minute you can't do something, you are
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: not no use to nobody, and they certainly ain't.
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: Gonna help you.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: Why because they think you capable. They think you capable.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: So a lot of y'all ain't ready for these conversations.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: You ain't. A lot of y'all are not ready.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: For that conversation.
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: About your parents, because some of y'all are gonna have
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: these same same feelings. But it happens all the time.
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: Those same children that you spoiled and you entitled are
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: the same ones that ain't never gonna take care of
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: you when you get older. And then the minute they
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: get a girlfriends, they're not got nothing to do you
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: are they gonna allow their mama to blatantly respect you.
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: They're gonna let you their.
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: Mama blatantly move in and and basically do what they do.
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: So I'm just telling you how they go. It happens
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: all the time, more than you might think. You got
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: sons that kicked their their mama's out for their wives.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: You got daughters that basically took advantage of their mothers
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: and basically scammed their mothers.
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: You have, you have women that basically treat their mothers badly.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: So yeah, it's it's crazy. So these things happen all
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: the time, and I'll be reading these stories and it
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: just amazes me.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: You have people that win the.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: Lottery, they don't even want their family even know they win.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: They want a lot of because they know their family
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: is gonna be all in their face. So if you
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: wonder why a lot of people move in silence, and
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: while a lot of people they friends are short, they
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: don't have a lot of friends the ones that are
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: by themselves. And y'all wonder why, because they have tried, Lord,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: they tried in every aspect friendship, romantic relationships, they try
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: with their parents, they try with their family members, they
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: have tried with jobs, and it's the same nonsense. Everybody
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: always expects them to get, always expects them to sacrifice,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: always expect them to be Captain saber Hole, Bill de bears,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: Bill dolls, sea fillers, people leasers. They expect them to
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: jump when they say how hi. And they only call
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: you when they want something. They don't never call you
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: to check on you. And as soon as you get
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: sick and as soon as you ain't able, that's when
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: they want nothing to do with you because you have
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: nothing to offer them. So now they're trashing you. So
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: all these things did for all of these people, it's
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: never gonna be reciprocated because it ain't about it being reciprocated.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: That person is not paying you back your money. The
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: only reason they say the word cannot borrow. So it's
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: just an easier word because they think you think they're
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: gonna pay it back and they're not. So you have
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: it go both ways. Regardless of whether it's a parent
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: or the child, it go both ways. It go both ways.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: But the next time I have this conversation, I'm gonna
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: talk about how these same spoiling title kids, the ones
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: y'all put on the pedestal, how they turn around and
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: they it flips, because that same entitled child is gonna
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: be the one that says, I wish you were dead
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: after the mom sold the car. So I'm here. I'm
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: here to tell.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: You you never know. It's just like one now.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: She called her parents after her husband died and her
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: son was in the hospital, and instead of going to
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: the funeral, they went to her sister's promotion. This girl
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: lost her lost her husband, and maybe lost her child.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: But yet parents won't know where to be found, no
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: where to be found.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: At all.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: But yet when it came down to her, when she
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: was about to go to the wheel, he'll come, her parents,
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: he'll come. Her sister wanted to see how much money
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: she was gonna get. Then as soon as she got
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: the money, here they come talking about, Oh you can
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: give your sister a house. Oh you can give your
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: sister this, Oh you can pay for this. But you
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: want there for your your daughter after she had to
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: burying her husband and her child. Where were you? So
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: y'all need to understand this all starts with your parents.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: It starts with your parents. It starts there because the
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: same children that they put on a pedestal, the same
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: ones they went above and beyond to take care of,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: are the same ones when they get older that's waiting
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: for them to die so they can get the insurance money.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: The same ones that you sold your house for to
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: give them a seventy five thousand dollars wedding is the
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: same ones that when you get older, they never gonna
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: give you a.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 7: Place to stay.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: But the child that you disrespected, the child that you
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: did dirty, the child that you told wasn't good enough,
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: the child that you pay for their college, the child
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: that you meant, and it's all of their events, including
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: their graduation, including them going to college.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 3: The one you didn't pay.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Attention to when it came to her promotions or his promotions,
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: that's the one that would have been there for you,
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: to golden child. So yeah, the golden child is the
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: one you paid for everything. The golden child is the
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: one you put on a pedestal. But that golden child
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: is not going to reciprocate what you did. That child
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: is gonna feel like they're entitled, they don't have to work,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: they don't have to do anything because you're gonna make
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: excuses for them. You're gonna always come for them. But
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: the one you're saying is worthless, the one you're saying
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: is not good enough, the one who dreams you try
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: to destroy every chance you get, is the same one
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: that's gonna be there for you before.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 8: You die, Strangler. That So, yeah, y'all ain't ready for
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 8: these conversations.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: You really ain't. Y'all are not ready for these conversations.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: But once you before I end this, once you go
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: and you deal with your family issues, when it comes
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: to your family and you realize that family is not biological,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: that family is actually people that you don't know. When
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: you realize that you're never gonna get your family's love,
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: You're never gonna get your mom and dad to accept you.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: Once you let it go and you cut times and
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: you forgive them and you and you relinquished all of
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: the tears, you're gonna want nothing to do with them
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: at all. You're gonna walk away from your parents and
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: probably never speak to them again. You have parents that
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: say we're disowning you. Okay, cool, go ahead and disown me.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: Then you have parents that sit up here and because
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: you won't do what they want you to do, they
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: get upset. They use you just as bad as anybody else,
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: if not worse. So I wanted to have this conversation
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: because this conversation needs to be happy, because everything starts
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: with your parents, and it just trickles down everything else.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: What you put up with your parents, you won't put
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: up with when it comes to everybody else.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: And now that's just what you're.
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: So, how you are treated is determined based upon how
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: everybody else in your family treated you and how you
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: were treated as a kid.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 7: Hay girl, can you hear me? Uhh you echoing?
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean I just feel like that people
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: don't understand that you're gonna have that sibling that is
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: the golden child. And even even if they're the only child,
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: if you spoil and entitled a child, and when you
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: get older and you can't do for that child, they
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: are they you're talking about mean, They're mean. They ones
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: gonna put you in the group home. They're the ones
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 2: that when you get older, they wait for you to
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: die so they can get the inheritance money. So the
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: other the thing, it goes both ways, either way go
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: that that golden child not only causes damage to their sibling,
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: but they caused damage to y'all, to the same parents
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: that these parents went for back for. I've seen situations
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: where parents sold their houses to give their golden child
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: a seventy five thousand dollars. Wey, Derek, if you want
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: to come up here, let me know if you want
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: to come up here. Hey, Derek, if you want to
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: come up here, you can't because you might be somebody
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: that might be good with this topic. But I just
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: want people to understand that it's always going to be
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: the halves and the have nots. It's always going to
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: be one sibling that ain't good enough, and it ain't
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: even got to be because of anything they did. It's
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: just because they wanted a son, they wanted a daughter,
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: and now they got their son and that daughter. Now
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: they don't want you, you know what I'm saying. And
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: the sad part about it is this child grows up
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: thinking they're not good enough, even though they may good grades,
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: even though they're in events and they're doing good in sports.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: The other child is the one they're banking on, the
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: one that they think is gonna lead, gonna be more successful,
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: the one they think is gonna be the one that
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: is gonna be their favorite. And I'm sure for a
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: lot of y'all you've been through this where your parents
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: didn't get you nothing for your birthday. As matter of fact,
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: they forgot your birthday. They forgot your birthday. But yet
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: your brother gets this whole entire our sister gets this whole, entire,
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: full fledged birthday party.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 3: They paid their way.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 2: Through school, but didn't pay your didn't pay your way
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: through school. You the one paying rent in the house
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 2: while the sibling ain't paying nothing. Oh, because they're trying
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: to find themselves. That ain't no excuse why I ain't
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: got no job. But yet when they start losing money,
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: because that same child who then with all these investments
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: and all this other stuff, their parents are always bailing
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: them out. Now they're broke, Now they can't retire. Who
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: are they coming to they're coming to you. Oh, sweetheart,
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: your mom and dad don't have that much money. Where
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: did all your money go? Oh, we almost about to
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 2: lose the house. So you wait until I tell you
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: almost about to lose the house to come to me
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: and say you need help. So now you need me
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: to pay rent for how long? Oh it's just for
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: a few months. Come to find out it's gonna be
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: two years. Two years, you're paying your parents rent. But
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: guess where the money going towards your brother and sister.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: So they're still taking care of the sibling even though
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: they're about to lose the house. They're taking the money
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: that you gave them and giving it to that sibling.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 2: So that sibling is making them broke. And yet what
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: do they tell you, Oh, you're the independent one, Oh
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: you're the strong when you're the one that can handle anything.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: That don't mean I don't need you. But then again,
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: you made me that way, You made me that way
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: because you didn't do nothing for me. And then they say, well,
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: look what we've done for you. What did you do
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: for me? When on Christmas? Did you get me a gift? No,
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: you gave me handy the hand me downs? What did
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: you get me? You cooked food that I don't even
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: eat because she don't like it. You base everything around
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: that child, and that didn't matter. You told me you
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: wanted me to go to community college and because they
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: went in the direction.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 3: You wanted them to go and I didn't.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: Now you're mad because I didn't go the direction that
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: you wanted me to go. It's a lot of y'all
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: that can relate to this, and you can't tell me that.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: You can't, well guess what this happens even in your
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: romantic relationships, because you are looking for that same love
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: you didn't get from your parents. And the minute that
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: that person is not affectionate, the minute that person is
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: not giving you what you want, now you're upset. But
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: that person is no different than your parents. The same
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: way that your parents look at you, the same way
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: they never wanted you. It's same way that man was
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: as well, or that woman was as well. They want
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: your resources. See, when I started helping people with this
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: particular issue, a lot of people gonna be, like the
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: way you look at other people that ain't your family,
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: You're gonna start looking at them very differently. I promise
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 2: you you will. I'm a living testament of that. When
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: I started looking at my family and I started looking
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: at my romantic relationships, it wasn't nothing but to me
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: being another parent. I w wasn't from being the child
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: that was neglected to being the adult that was treated
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: the exact same way I was when I was younger.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: I was treated the exact same way. So if you
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: think that people change because they turned eighteen, no, no, no,
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: they don't change at all. They just become adults. So
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: when you become adult, that parent is still used to
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: you being that same child. So when you finally say
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: enough is enough. And the crazy part is how you
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: find out it is one of your family members record
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: them having a conversation and they're talking about how you're
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: an ATM and how the only time they call you
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: is when they want some money. Then when you cut
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: them off, then they get mad because you cut them off,
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: and now they're trying to beg you not to cut
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: them off, and now they come in with three. If
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: you cut us, If you cut us off, we're going
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 2: to disown you.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 3: We'll go ahead and disown me. Then please go ahead
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 3: and disown me.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: Then you sitting up here, going in debt to try
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: to pay and take care of a family member that
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: don't care about you at all. Don't check on you,
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: don't want you coming for Christmas, don't want you coming
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: for holidays because they're ashamed of you. Tim out, you're
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 2: the embarrassment. Don't even know you're a multi millionaire. They
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 2: still are used to the version of you that they remember,
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: but not the version that you are now. So a
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: lot of.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 3: People from your parents only.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: Know you from the version that you were. Well guess
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 2: what your parents do too. Some of your parents don't
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: even know what your favorite color is. Some of your
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: parents don't even know half of the stuff you went
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: through because you don't even talk to them like that.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: And when you go home, they always making you feel
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: less than what you are. Consider even if even if
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: your siblings don't even do half the stuff that you do,
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: they still gonna make it seem like you ain't good enough.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 2: You can graduate college, d show up they're not even
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: gonna show for your graduation. They're not even gonna they're
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 2: not even gonna care about your promotion. All they care
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: about is how much was your bonus. So, since you
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 2: got eighty thousand dollars, why don't you give your brother
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: twenty thousand dollars to start an investment? Family helps family?
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not, My eight thousand dollars belongs to me. I
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: am not giving him twenty thousand dollars and squander the
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: way that you had. You didn't have the money to
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 2: pay his way through school, and he didn't even finish school,
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 2: but you're asking me to pay his student loans. So
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: why in the world would this child, who's a golden child,
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: ever do something on their own when they always got
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 2: somebody to sit up there and back them up. They
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 2: always got somebody that's gonna pay for something. They always
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: got somebody's gonna always catch them. It's gonna always feel
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 2: sorry for him. They're always gonna be Captain Saber hold
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: Bill Bear's bill, dogs, seat fills, people ease, and so
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: on and so forth. How and that is why these
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: people are now your husbands and now your wives. That's
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: who you're dealing with. You are dealing with golden children,
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: children that basically essentially never had to work. Mom and
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 2: dad took care of everything, and all they do is
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 2: leech off other people, so they don't went from their
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 2: parents to now you there you go. So when you
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: start going down this recovery road, I need people to
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: understand it all starts there. That's why you pay attention
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 2: to their family and how they are around their family.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: You gonna find out why that mama's a mama's boy.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 2: Pay attention to that. He's a mama's boy. That right
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: there to tell you here, golden child, that's why that
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: mama is the way she is towards you. She never
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: let him grow up. She always takes care of him,
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 2: even when you go to even when she come to
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: your house, she's trying to take off your house. He
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: lets her move in and don't even talk to you
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 2: about it. Why would he talk to you about it?
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: Why would he even say anything about it? So you
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: have to understand a lot of y'all are dating the
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: same golden children that were your siblings, the same golden children,
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: the one that was the apple of your parents eye. Well,
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 2: guess what, now you dating one of them? It's just
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: like your brother, that's just like your sister, the same
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: type of people, and they're doing you the same way
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: that your parents did, your siblings did, your immediate family did.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: So when you start coming to that realization, oh, trust me,
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: you gonna make better decisions when it comes to the
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: people you deal with. Because anybody that reminds you of
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: your siblings and the way your parents treat your siblings,
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: if you see that in that person, you ain't gonna
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 2: dave it. All of this. I'm gonna jump when you say, hi,
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: all this being a captain, say a hole builder, bears,
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: bill dolls, seat feelings and people. You ain't gonna do
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 2: all this. I'm willing to do anything to be loved,
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 2: life appreciated, value, to want it needed to be a
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: part of something, be validated, to be approved of, to
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 2: be accepted for somebody know your worth.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 3: You ain't gonna do it.
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 2: Why because you you're learning to accept all of that.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 2: I have to find within myself when you realize you
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: were in the hospital fighting for your life and your doctuntail,
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: you got post traumatic slave disordered because you have left
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 2: so many people damage you because you didn't care about
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 2: the fact of you being able to enjoy anything that
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 2: is yours. You wait to give it away because family
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 2: comes from first, because you're trying to be Captain saber Hood,
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: because you're trying to save somebody that you can't save.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: Their families can't even save, So it starts there. Once
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 2: you stop doing that for your family, you're gonna stop
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: doing it for everybody else because now you're gonna start
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 2: seeing a pattern. Take away the sex out of it,
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: Take take sex out of it, and start looking at
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 2: man for who he is outside of that. Take away
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: the money and look at his character, Look at how
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 2: he is. Then that will tell you siren syndrome. Stop
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: looking at the physical, Look at the way they think.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: Look at the fact that all these women before you thought.
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 3: The same thing you did.
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: I could change him, I can make them better. I
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 2: got the ring, so it makes me better than you.
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: But yet his time is with a whole nother woman.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 2: He's got he got multiple baby mamas. But you think
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: you're special because you got the ring.
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 3: Know you ain't.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: Those women are going to be a part of your
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 2: life for eighteen plus years.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: Them women ain't going nowhere.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: Why do you think all these men keep having all
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 2: these kids because they'll always have somebody to go back
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 2: to every time something don't work out. They get you. See,
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: let me tell you something. Some of these men get
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 2: women pregnant by accident. Some of these men get women
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: pregnant because they know you're liable, and they know that
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: when it's all done, they coming back to you. That's
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 2: why some of these men get some women pregnant. They
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: know that you are a good woman, and they know
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 2: that they don't want you.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 3: Now by having their baby.
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 2: They can always come in and out your life anytime
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 2: they feel like kids. Isn't that what your parents do?
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: Isn't that what you do to your parents when you
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 2: reach a certain age. So what it is is the
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: ones that are spoiled entitled are the ones that always
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: rebel against their family. The ones that the parents try
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: to shelter them from the world are the ones that
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: always rebel. But the ones that are actually honest with
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: their children, the ones that talk to their kids and
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 2: being upfront, those are the ones that ain't getting in
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 2: as much trouble. So there you go. Did I say
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 2: something in Venetia that is not right?
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 9: I agree, you say anythink right correctly and.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 10: Somebody feel some type of I don't know what they
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 10: got to say about it, but you said it real.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: So what do you think about the fact of the
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: matter that you have parents because you got to you
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 2: got a boy or girl. Now you treat your kids
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 2: evenly because we talked outside of this and you showed
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 2: me your baby's drawings, and you said, I treat both
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 2: my kids the same because I don't want either one
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 2: of them to feel like one is different or better
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: than the other.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 10: What I would say is as far as my mother
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 10: and my stepfather, because I'm the point and I'm the.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 9: Judgment or.
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 10: That I have that I have my mother and a stepfather,
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 10: and I love my stepfather. My stepfather always been there.
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 9: For me me and care and protecting me.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 10: What I can say is this is that, okay, let
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 10: me calm down and me chopping.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 3: It up to help.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 10: My stepfather always been there for me, just as my
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 10: mother has. What people need to understand is the matter
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 10: of fact of it is, I'm gonna be quiet.
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 2: You need the career.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 10: But my stepfather loved me.
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 2: He always been there for me.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 10: I had a father's to have my father's.
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 9: Father and the his and around me. But my stepfather
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 9: been there for me.
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: Did you did your dad?
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 3: Did your dad ever have did your dad ever have
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 3: other kids?
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 10: No, he had a daughter and me and her, me
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 10: and my sister were bringing and she agrees. And as
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 10: a friend, how she disagrees with our father. You don't
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 10: like my father.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 9: You don't like him, don't care about him.
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: She feels you feel like.
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 9: You see why I say my father in some type
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 9: of way about our father?
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 10: But the way I look at it because I'm older
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 10: and I look at my father in front of sin.
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 2: But why does she feel some type of way about
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 2: your dad though.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 9: It is supposed to be our dad, but she don't
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 9: care about that. She's some type of way.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 3: Back, We'll see.
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 2: The question is why does she feel some type of
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 2: way about him? Though it got to be something? Is
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 2: it the fact that he's not.
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 9: In some type of way.
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 10: And she talks to me as her sisters talk to
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 10: me about him.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 9: She want to talk to me.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 2: Because see, the reason I'm asking that question is because
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 2: you have the like you said, the different families, and
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 2: you have some parents that once they get a new family,
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: they forget about their older kids and they treat the
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: older kids some type of way, like they don't exist,
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 2: Like they'll treat the new kids better than the kids
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 2: they got and they'll kick them out at eighteen, but
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: let their kids stay in the house. Stuff like that.
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 9: He did that same with.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 3: With her, but she discarded all that.
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 10: She I don't like the when her dad talks to me,
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 10: And I was like, mhm, I can relate.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 9: But I'm not trying to like tell her how to
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 9: tell her what to do or anything.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 10: But she feels some type of way because of how
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 10: Dad has been making me.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 9: This some type of way and made her face some
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 9: type of way.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 10: Okay, so we're being said, I'm trying to talk to
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 10: her as so sister, being big sister, myma sister, it's.
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 9: The same thing. So with what you were saying, He's like.
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 2: Uh, I want to coll you, I want to talk
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 2: to you.
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 9: I want I'm like okay at it.
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 10: And then she's like Dad was saying things to me
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 10: in fake way and make me feel some type of it.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I get it. I understand.
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 10: I ain't trying to just go RP with but he
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 10: made her feel like he's trying to control her in
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 10: a certain way and certain extent. But I feel the
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 10: same way. And she tell me that, I'm like, damn.
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 2: Did she.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 3: Is her mom?
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 8: Man?
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 2: Is her mom and your dad still together?
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 9: Her mom is not to desert with her, okay.
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 10: And she wanted to talk to me and then we
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 10: would talk about it.
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 2: And then it's like damn.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 9: And then she was like no because.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 2: This that that third.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 10: I don't like how dad talked to me. I'm like, damn,
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 10: Dad talked to me the same way. I want to
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 10: talk to you what he do to me, but I
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 10: don't want to say. And I don't want her to
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 10: like jump the you know, point of.
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 9: The guard about it. It's crazy because.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 3: My dad will.
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 9: He treats us like we hit women. He treats us
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 9: like we hit women. And she actually said herself, I
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 9: don't say it. She will bringing us to their hand.
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 3: Like Dad just talked to us like.
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 9: He control us and I'm his woman. And this the
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 9: third and I'm to him because he's just trying to
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 9: control me and just think that I'm his woman.
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 10: And I'm like, okay, I get it his.
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 9: And I try to be thought about.
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 2: It, but I give you and.
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 10: I try to be calm about it. But listen, I
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 10: just had to leave it alone because it is what
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 10: it is, because it's what.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: He do so because so is it because.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 4: And this is the thing, some parents got these expectations
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 4: of what they think that you're.
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 3: On direction.
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 10: Maybe I feel like he don't feel like both of
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 10: us are not film direction, and he's.
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 9: Trying to control how we're supposed to go.
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 10: About it because he has his own issues and promise
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 10: I'm trying to portray and project that on us.
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna leave that alone. Gotcha, it makes sense. But
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 2: see that's the thing I mean. You know, every situation
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 2: with siblings are going to be different. And sometimes like
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 2: my sister, for example, when I was a kid, she
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 2: never understood my situation with my dad until she went
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 2: through it. And so, like I said, you know, sometimes
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 2: the younger or the oldest one may not understand what
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 2: the other one is going through. So for example, you
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 2: may have a situation where one daughter was mess with
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: by the stepdaddy and now he's messing with the other sibling,
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, And now you're trying to
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 2: stop a situation and the mother is just allowing it
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 2: to happen. Now it's happening to the other sibling.
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 11: You know what I'm saying, that's a conversation going on,
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 11: but it's not a silk person talking about were talking
• 1:30:55
  Speaker 11: about our biological father talking to us.
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying, I'm just saying no. The reason
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 2: I say that is I'm saying in that way is
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: because sometimes when one sibling is going through something, the
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 2: other sibling always makes it seem like it didn't happen.
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 2: You know, this didn't happen to you, and you're like,
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 2: but it did happen to me. You know, when you
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: were going through it and they were the golden child
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 2: and they weren't going through it, they made it seem
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 2: like they would never do that. So it just seemed
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 2: me like, when you were going through it, she didn't think, oh, well,
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 2: this would never happen to me.
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 3: Now it's happening to her.
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 2: Now she's coming to you like, okay, now now I'm
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 2: going through it.
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I tried to.
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 2: Tell you this was going to happen, and you didn't,
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 2: you know, believe me.
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 10: But the thing is, what's going on between us is
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 10: that we're going through the same thing. That's what's crazy
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 10: about it. It's different, I.
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 3: Gotcha, And that makes sense.
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 10: So, like I said, I don't mean to cut on
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 10: your platform, and he called me the same thing as well.
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 10: And we both agree, like our dad don't know what
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 10: we need to do and don't respect us.
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 9: As women, and we both.
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 10: Arguing about it, not just between ourselves, but we arguing
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 10: about it between him.
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 2: Well, the one thing you can't do with certain people,
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 2: especially in baby boomers, you're not gonna be able to
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 2: change their philosophy.
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 3: They don't believe in change.
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 2: My dad is an example of that. The only thing
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 2: you can do, in all honesty is just accept him
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 2: for who he is and try not to let it
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 2: get to you because his thing.
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 3: When at it.
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: But that's what I'm saying, That's what I'm saying. You
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 2: have to be he is who he is, and there
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 2: is nothing you can You can't change other people. And
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 2: I don't care who it is, whether it's father, mother.
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 3: If a person is stuck.
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 2: In their ways, it don't matter how much potential you
• 1:33:31
  Speaker 2: see in them, It don't matter what you do for them.
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 2: It don't matter how many times you try to tell
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 2: them how it makes you feel. If they don't care
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 2: and they don't think they're doing anything wrong, they're.
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 3: Never gonna change.
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 2: If they're comfortable in who they are, then there's nothing
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 2: you can do. The only thing you can do is
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 2: when they get like that, just say okay, don't even argue,
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 2: don't even say nothing, say okay and walk away.
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 3: That is the only thing you can do, because.
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 2: The minute you try to explain, the minute you get defensive,
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 2: they're gonna be like, they're like, don't disrespect me because
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 2: i'm your elder. Well, I'm also an adult. You and
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 2: I are both kind of on the same page here.
• 1:34:21
  Speaker 2: I'm an adult just like you are. You know, I'm
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 2: not a child. I'm an adult, so you can't talk
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 2: to me the way you talk to me if I
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 2: was a kid. But the problem is is that if
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 2: that person is set in their ways and the way
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 2: they grew up. Because again, when I learned about my
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 2: dad and how he grew up, I got a better understanding.
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 2: So now when you know certain things happen, that is
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 2: the reason why I handle certain things the way I
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 2: do because I got a better understanding of it. So
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 2: I'll just be like okay and let it be that.
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 2: I don't let you know, him, get to me like
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 2: that anymore because I'm not giving him that power anymore,
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. But I still give him
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 2: the same respect. But when it gets heated, I just
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: walk away. I don't. I don't let it get to
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 2: that point. And that's what she's gonna have to do.
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 2: She's gonna have to learn to just say okay and
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 2: just let it be that because trying to argue with him,
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 2: you ain't gonna do that but make yourself mad, and
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 2: you're only gonna first frustrate and stress yourself out.
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 3: It ain't worth it.
• 1:35:38
  Speaker 10: It's like I said, I hate that cashod off guard
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 10: my sister agreely and.
• 1:35:47
  Speaker 9: He can com talk with you.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 10: I talk with you. But that I want to say
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 10: is if you can agree and be on the same page.
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 10: Crazy that that happens, because she called me and she'd
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 10: be like, see, I'm trying to call me talk to
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 10: you about brother, and I'm.
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 9: Like yeah, And the thing is, it's like, damn, I'm.
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 10: Trying to tell you, but I ain't even have to
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 10: tell her that she already told me and me and
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 10: her I'm saying, Hey, the thing is, you don't know
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 10: that that happened, and I neglect the fact to even
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 10: tell you that me and her experience the same experience,
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 10: and I hate that you kind of like blindsided all
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 10: that work.
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 8: Huh.
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 2: Understand that.
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, y'all.
• 1:40:44
  Speaker 2: I was having technical difficulties on YouTube, so I'm gonna
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 2: close this out on YouTube and then I'm gonna post
• 1:40:52
  Speaker 2: this video when we get finished on TikTok. I'm sorry, y'all,
• 1:40:55
  Speaker 2: but I'm having a lot of technical difficulties.
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 3: With this computer.
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna end this and then I will talk
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 2: to y'all later. Thank y'all for joining me for the episode,
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 2: and I will see y'all next week.