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4: The EQ Deficiency w/ Brittney-Nichole Connor-Savarda · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:15
  Hello, everyone. Today's guest was recorded prior to having this amazing studio. The content is awesome. It's from my good friend, Brittany, who is an EQ specialist. And I'm excited to bring the show to you. Enjoy.
• 0:33
  All right, this is Kelly Siegel, the host of the Heart of the Life podcast. Today, I've got a real gem on the show. She exudes harder than life in her teachings and practices. I know this because she helped me during the pandemic to process all that was happening to me with some easy and simply applied practices that we will discuss today. She's an author of the book, The EQ Deficiency. She hosts the Living and Leading with an Emotional Intelligence podcast. Brittany is a master at emotional intelligence. And she's a master at emotional intelligence.
• 1:01
  She is a wife and also known as the people whisperer. Her passion for helping people will amaze you in her real life battles with OCD, ADD, and anxiety and make her well experienced to talk about being harder than life. Let me introduce to you the brilliant and beautiful Brittany Nicole Conner-Savarta.
• 1:19
  Thank you, Kelly. It's a pleasure. Hopefully that did you some justice. That was beautiful. Thank you. Britt, I love you. I like starting with that. You helped me through a very, very, very tough time. I met you through a mutual friend. And just as the pandemic was hitting, it's well documented that I was going through a lot of
• 1:41
  biggest customer, left NTM, we were pandemic. My daughter, who's my wife, was taken away, and I got introduced to you. So what we're gonna talk about today are some of the routines, and I don't want us to call them tricks, because they aren't, they really do work. So I wanna start off with an easy question. We keep hearing everything about this EQ and EI, emotional intelligence.
• 2:09
  What is it and why do we care? Yeah. So I'm going to give you the, there's not really a formal definition, but I'll give you the general definition. And then I'm going to give you my definition. Perfect. So a lot of people, when they talk about emotional intelligence, it's the ability to be aware of yourself, your emotions, how those emotions are showing up and impacting you both psychologically, physically impacting your outer world, how you communicate with others, your emotions,
• 2:39
  yourself, and really how you pick up on other people's body language and engage with them. My definition is summed up in three words, compassion, curiosity, and understanding.
• 2:52
  If you have those three things, then you are emotionally intelligent in my book. Because without that compassion, it's really difficult to develop self-awareness. Because it tends to be that lack of compassion that prevents us from being able to be honest with ourselves and see ourselves as we are. And then the curiosity piece is critical for that as well. And when we combine that
• 3:16
  curiosity and that compassion and understanding, that's when we see the results and learn how to self-regulate and get out of our head and more so into our heart. It's so interesting that you talk about compassion that just keeps coming up time and time and time again. I hate to go back to my ex-wife, but one of the first things we were talking about was she's like, you lack compassion. And I kept looking up the definition of compassion. I'm like, I don't
• 3:44
  Understand it. It's so it's it sounds like empathy to me.
• 3:49
  Do you get that a lot in your practice? Do people say that I don't understand compassion, how to do it, how to exude it? Because in the two years or two and a half years now that I met you and the total transformation, I say I'm very compassionate. I meet people where they are. So why is compassion so close to empathy and or do I have it all wrong like usual?
• 4:16
  No, I mean, I think a lot of people struggle to grasp many of the concepts of emotional intelligence or any type of quote unquote soft skill, right? Because we're so used to understanding things intellectually and we're not used to under understanding things at the core of our being.
• 4:38
  And compassion is one of those things that you can't understand intellectually. You can't comprehend it. There's no tips or strategies. If you do these things, then you're going to be compassionate. It's something you have to unlock at a deeper level. And I think that's why a lot of us struggle to resonate with it. Now, we can do things that helps guide us to that compassion. But at the end of the day, it's deep down, right? It's something you feel. It's something you embody.
• 5:08
  I love this. I didn't even notice that my show notes I made. The next, you went straight to compassion and I have it in the next question. I said, I wrote in here because I'm just fascinated by this. This is, we're gonna get to some more stuff and I'm sorry, I'm gonna bounce all over. I'm so excited because of what you have.
• 5:25
  is you have this, I just wish I could suck things out of your mind and share it with the entire universe and inject it into everybody because my passion is just, I want everybody to be happy and I want everybody to live their life in alignment. And a lot of that is looking into why do I do things? Why do I respond to everything reactively? And which leads us right straight to our ego. And that was my next question is, how is the ego reactivating?
• 5:52
  related to emotional intelligence as well as compassion? And how does all this web together and weave together? Okay. So this one question could take the rest of the podcast episode. The ego, you know, all of us have an ego. We're, we're born with the ego. It has a purpose. It's meant to protect us. Unfortunately, our society bolsters our ego. And whenever we.
• 6:22
  do things to feed that ego and it becomes stronger, then it's all about itself and self-protection. And we've also been conditioned by society to be triggered, right? To self-protect. Well, when we do that, it kind of hardens our hearts. Like the ego kind of just forms this...
• 6:41
  wall around our heart and it protects it but at the same time it's self-defeating in that aspect because we can't be vulnerable when the ego is in charge and vulnerability is necessary to be compassionate because unconditional love is part of that compassion but the ego is the opposite of unconditional it is all conditional
• 7:06
  So whenever the ego's in charge, we're always judging. We're always comparing. And you can't have judgment in comparison with compassion. So the ego is our own worst enemy. And I believe there's a book called The Ego is the Enemy. Read it. And it talks a lot about that. So until we can get out of our ego, we're going to struggle to develop not only compassion, but emotional intelligence.
• 7:33
  You said something in that question that I want to unpack even more. Define power ego, because I think that you have to have a healthy sense of an ego to survive, but it has to be in check. What would power ego mean to Brittany?
• 7:54
  A power ego. I don't even remember saying that. It must have just spilled out of my mouth. Sorry. I'll give you the context. It was in relation to the bad part of your ego because there's a lot of good in the ego, but when it's making decisions for us, and I'm talking and I'm not the expert and you are, and I apologize, so take over for me, but it's when you speak –
• 8:15
  When you respond and react with an ego, it's usually wrong because it's filtered through the hardships of your of your childhood and life and experiences. And so so explain about what a bad ego is, the one that is not helping you, what is not that doesn't lead to emotional intelligence and compassion. What does that look like?
• 8:37
  What I see so much today is, you know, we're very entitled and that's, that's definitely part of the ego, right? We think things should just naturally come to us that everything we do should be perfect and amazing and everybody should applaud it and do not give me criticism.
• 8:59
  Right? So whenever we want to be perfect without putting in the work, without being open to that feedback, then it's an illusion. And we can't grow when we're living in an illusion that we've already made it, that we're perfect.
• 9:14
  And then underneath, our soul is searching for more. It's searching for growth. So that's where you get that anxiety and that friction because we're trying to grow from the inside. But then the ego is like, no, we're safe. We're fine. You know, it creates this facade of a reality.
• 9:34
  But deep down, we know that something's off, but we can't detect that. So I would just say, like, anytime you have an ego, there's no growth. There's lack of connection to yourself and to others.
• 9:48
  You kind of self isolate, even if it's not physically, you may go out and do things with other people, but you are very isolated in the me, me, me, me, me. Are people judging me? What are they thinking about me? You know, what am I going to do? It's all about the me. And we've, if we want to see a more prosperous world for ourselves and for other people, we have to be able to get rid of that large ego component that is saying that we're not connected.
• 10:18
  It's every man for himself. Right? So the obvious question is whether you know it or not, the ego is in charge. What are some of the things, what are some of the practices that you do on a daily basis? And you recommend for your clients to check the ego and or. Uh.
• 10:39
  You know what I'm saying? We all have egos. I have one of the biggest egos you'll ever freaking see. I have my daily routines and things to check. One of the simplest ones that I use, and I want to hear from you specifically, is I take like a three-second rule. Something is said or done, and I take three seconds before I respond because it gives me a chance to actually process it, and I'm not –
• 11:06
  Reacting, I'm responding. So that's my Kelly Siegel. Thank you for what you want. Trip tip. What is the expert your recommendation if someone is constantly acting out of their ego?
• 11:23
  Yeah. Well, like you said, we all have an ego. After years and years of meditation and just doing really deep work, I've realized that we're not our ego. While having an ego is part of our just being human.
• 11:41
  We don't have to rely on that to guide us. There's a deeper part of ourselves that is content, that does want progress, but doesn't hurry things along, that doesn't judge as much. So whenever I find myself in that ego space where my ego is the driver of my life, I talk to it in the third person.
• 12:03
  So, and that really helps me detach myself from it because I think that's really hard for us to do. We've lived in our ego so long and have allowed that to be the driver of our lives that we think that that's what our identity is. So whenever I find myself judging someone, I say, Brittany's being very judgmental right now. How can we help her? And I know that sounds silly, but it helps me not feel bad about judging myself because
• 12:32
  But it also allows me to realize that there's a deeper part of myself that is not the ego, that has the ability to have that love and compassion for everyone, even if I don't agree with them, even if we're never going to be best friends, right? I see that all of us are flawed and all of us are unworthy of, you know,
• 12:54
  It goes back to religious text, right? I'm not a religious person myself. I'm a spiritual person, but there's a lot of truth in many religious texts about judgment and how, you know, those without sin be the first to cast a stone. I always check into that stuff and say, where am I in this space? What have I done wrong? Right? So it's all about seeing the flaws within ourself and having that compassion for other people.
• 13:23
  Perfectly imperfect. This actually leads right into my next question, which during the pandemic, when I first met you, I had arguably defined the worst. I would tell you one of the worst things ever happened to me, which was my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend team up to corroborate some mis-
• 13:49
  misinformation. I'm dancing nightly because I don't, I'm trying to be polite and I don't want to knock them, but it's important because, uh, the advice you gave me is, was exactly what we were just talking about. And I want to, I want to discuss it. I want to share with the world. So these two women, whether justified or unjustified, I'm not going to go into any of that. Um,
• 14:12
  conspired to take my parenting time away from my daughter, who is my world. So I'm sitting there and I'm talking with you and I am angry, angry. Like you just couldn't control me and you stopped me. I said, Kelly, assume positive intent. I remember it like it was yesterday. And this is coming up on three years now.
• 14:38
  April or March will be three years. And you said, assume positive intent. And I looked at you and I said, they are gunning for me. They want to see me fail. They want to see me die. They want to see me act a fool. How do I assume positive intent? So without going into what I did and how I took that and the things that, when something happens,
• 15:08
  you deem as awful as happening to you in your life. And you give that same advice to somebody else, explain it in detail. Cause you, I'm doing it a disservice, but it was literally the best advice I've ever had. And I say it over and over and I'm going to, I'm going to add to it from my perspective after the brilliant, you gives us the correct version of what you meant by that. Assume positive intent. Brittany, what did you mean?
• 15:35
  I remember that like it was yesterday to you. I got to tell you that I thought you were crazy. I did. And then when I unpacked it, it was the best advice I'd ever received. And it was, and again, I want to steal it because it was just two women that were just hurting and had to project on to me. And I was strong enough to take it all. And here I am three years later,
• 16:05
  interviewing you and just the happiest man alive. But please, again, let's go back to someone did something awful to you and you have to look them in the eye. I think Sad Guru says it, turn the other cheek. But what is the Brittany advice of assume positive intent on their part? Yeah. The reason that I resonate with this so much is because
• 16:28
  I used to be what someone call a Karen today. I would lose it in public. I didn't care. I was hateful. I was nasty. And I wanted to make other people miserable because I was miserable.
• 16:44
  And when I see other people doing hateful, nasty things, instead of seeing someone who's just a wicked human being, like you said, I see someone who is in pain and who is hurting and who doesn't know how to cope with those strong emotions and feelings. And so the only way that they know how to cope is to bring other people to their level in any way that they see fit or possible.
• 17:11
  But the ego, when we're in that ego space, we don't see that. We go into self-protection mode. And so we buck back, right? It's ego against ego at that point. And anytime there's ego against ego, it's going to be a disaster. It's going to be a very bloody war, both literally and metaphorically. And we really, one of us has to come from that place of compassion and put the ego aside and realize it's not about me. This is about them.
• 17:40
  And sometimes that's not saying anything. Sometimes that's stepping away. And sometimes that's embracing them. You know, it really depends on where you are in that relationship with the person. But first and foremost, realizing this isn't about me. They're hurting. And the more that they are lashing out at you, the more pain that they are in. And let me add this, the more you react,
• 18:09
  to them, and this is a case by case basis, I can't say that necessarily with your situation, but let's say, for example, someone says that you're stupid, right? And it really pisses you off. I mean, it just lights you on fire and you're fuming over it for days. The more that impacts you, the more that you believe it yourself.
• 18:32
  Because when you believe in yourself, if you know with all your being that you're intelligent and you're confident, then you're just going to laugh that off. You realize how ridiculous it is. So that's another way to develop self-awareness and realize how we really feel about ourselves is how other people impact us with their words.
• 18:56
  And those that can see us on video, they're shaking my head. The chain of events that you set off with those words with me, I can't... I love you doesn't even do it justice. I now... You could...
• 19:13
  I say this, I'm sorry, I'm really lost for words because it just speaks to my soul and I'm getting butterflies. And it's just amazing where that moment, from that moment till now, I just keep rising. So I appreciate it, but I'm going to expand upon that. And then I'm going to come back to you because something you said was, wow. But I always say it's none of my business what you think or say about me.
• 19:40
  And I mean that from a positive perspective or a negative perspective. I, you could tell me I'm the greatest person in the world, thank you. You could tell me I'm the worst person in the world, thank you. It literally has, and not to pick on my ex-wife, and I'm sorry, I know she's my biggest fan now, I've turned her into the biggest fan. But, you know, she sits around and talks about me a lot, and obviously my daughter says it. And I say to my daughter,
• 20:06
  I don't care about the positive things she said and I don't care about the negative things she says. And usually the negative things are, she makes fun of me and sorry, I know she's going to listen to this. She makes fun of me that I inspire people in my social media to, that I work out at five o'clock in the morning, every morning, every morning, consistency and discipline. You will not find any, well, maybe David Goggins is more consistent, more disciplined to be, but I'm up there and, uh,
• 20:32
  I do it for me. So again, the best advice that I can give the neophyte that I am is don't pay any attention to any of it, meaning it's none of your business. It really is. I say that. It is none of my business what anybody thinks or says about me. It doesn't make me feel any better when somebody says something good. It doesn't make me feel any worse when somebody says bad. I don't care. I'm here for a purpose. That purpose is to help people and to give back. And I got to keep bringing this up, too. I forgot this. I forgot.
• 21:01
  A portion of every dollar that I make from harder than life. I run a successful IT company. This is a passion project. This is my purpose. I have to give back. A portion of every dollar goes to charity. So this is...
• 21:16
  And it's mostly children's charities or people with addiction or who we're going to release it. So understand that there's a purpose. I have a bigger purpose and nobody is going to get into my way. Don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through and I'm a big locomotive. So having said that, you said something and I got to call you out on it.
• 21:37
  Brittany was mean and loud and give me a, for instance, because the Brittany that I know, and the reason is so stoic is so awesome is so well put together that it may lead right into my next question. But I want to ask, like, what was the breaking point for you? And this is what makes you.
• 21:59
  so experienced and so available and the ability to help everybody because you were that person. It's kind of like my story. I was poor. I was angry. I had a chip on my shoulder. I didn't know how to cope. And now...
• 22:18
  You'd be hard pressed to throw one by me anymore. And if I react, it's going to be very surprising. So what was my breaking point was the pandemic? It was I had two breaking points. One was I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired of of using substances to numb myself. And I made that choice. And then when I was able to feel my feelings, then the real breaking point was the pandemic.
• 22:46
  my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend getting together, my biggest customer leaving. Just it was one thing on top of another, on top of another that would have set most people in spirals. But the first thing was, there's always a choice to make a change. What was your life event that said, hey, I'm no longer going to be quote unquote, I'm using air quotes, Karen, and I'm going to lean into this. What was your black cloud or so to speak?
• 23:12
  Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to take it a little step backward, just what led to that behavior as well, because I think a lot of us can resonate with that. I'm an only child and I grew up on 75 acres of farmland in North Carolina with my parents and my grandparents, immediate family. And being the only child and only grandchild, I was around adults a lot and I wasn't around my peers very much. And so,
• 23:41
  My family is a very anxious, very troubled family. And I say that with love because it is just inherited trauma that's been passed down.
• 23:53
  And I inherited that trauma as well. And that's what led to my generalized anxiety disorder, my OCD and my ADD, and I know that now. But for the longest time, I accepted that as my reality. Now, being a type A person who is always trying to control things and be in charge, the last thing that you want is to be out of control.
• 24:14
  And when people diagnose you with things and say, this is what you have, this is who you are, then you feel like you've lost control of your life and you feel helpless. So I adopted that victim mentality. And that led to even more anger on top of the trauma that was already fueling my rage. And I became codependent. I started dating a guy or a boy in high school at 15. I ended up marrying him at 21, divorcing him at 23.
• 24:44
  And he was my world. I didn't know love. I didn't know anything outside of him. And so I clung to him like a leech. I became a stalker girlfriend. If he wasn't with me, I wanted to know where he was, what he was doing, what time he would be back. And if he didn't pick up his phone when I called him about 20 times back to back, then I was going to call his friend's phone. And I was going to chase him down and figure out where he was.
• 25:10
  And I would go to places where I knew he would hang out and try to find him. I mean, I was what some people would call crazy, right? And I would have these big meltdowns in public and screaming and ranting. And so the catalyst for me was I finally realized, you know, I started my first business that was a photography business.
• 25:33
  And I realized I was going somewhere. I didn't know exactly where, but I knew that I was going to go somewhere. I was ambitious. He worked at a car wash and would come home and play video games. He was addicted to video games, played them all the time. I got his W-2. It was $10,000 one year. I mean, I was bringing in all the money because he wasn't even working. And I realized this is not working for me.
• 26:01
  But because I was codependent, I needed somebody else in my life to fill that gap. So I quickly found a rebound, started dating this guy that I met on Match.com because Bumble and Tinder and all those other things weren't even a thing back then. And he lived in Charlotte. He was educated. He just he was my escape plan. And so I quickly left my husband and followed this guy to Charlotte, where I still reside now.
• 26:31
  And I thought my life is going to be so much better because I'm out of that old town of mine where all my problems are. I'm with this new amazing person who gets me and life is going to be good. And then within three months, my emotions, my rage, the Karen Brittany started to come back out. And it hit me in that moment that I was the problem.
• 26:59
  Now, I could accept that or I could continue denying it, but I accepted it for a little bit. But then there was a few other incidents where he told me, the guy I was dating at the time, said, look, you've either got to get your shit together or this is over.
• 27:14
  And I couldn't have that because I was still codependent. So I went back to college, got my degree in psychology, started to realize that our thoughts create these chemicals called neurotransmitters in the brain that cause our physiological response, yada, yada, yada. And that if we can manage our thoughts, then we can somewhat manage those chemicals that make us feel those feelings.
• 27:36
  But it wasn't until after I graduated and started to take an even deeper dive into self-help and what I call my self-discovery journey is that I realized it's way more than that. It's so much more complex than chemicals.
• 27:51
  There's all this trauma we need to process, but there's this, you know, I fought the concept of the soul for the longest time and some people don't believe in it and that's fine. But all of us, whether you're spiritual, religious or not, we all have this deeper essence of being that wants to love unconditionally, that wants to grow, that wants to find ourselves, right? Right.
• 28:16
  And through that, I mean, that pulled me out. There's still dark days. I mean, last week I ugly cried for three hours nonstop. And guess what? I looked at myself and I said, it's okay. You are processing stuff and tomorrow is going to be a great day because you're letting it all out.
• 28:33
  Just because you're emotionally intelligent doesn't mean you don't get angry. It doesn't mean you don't have rage. It doesn't mean you don't need to cry and scream. The difference is you're not doing harm to yourself and you're not doing harm to others. And you're doing it with unconditional love. That's what emotional intelligence means to me. So I got to ask, is your husband now that gentleman or no?
• 28:58
  No. Okay. I'm glad you threw that out there. So no, um, there hit a point in my life where the guy that kind of pulled me out of that mess just wasn't working for me anymore, you know, and we went our separate ways, but he was, he was what I needed at that time. And I have the utmost respect for that. My husband now, I, I honestly don't know how I deserve him. He is the
• 29:27
  selfless person I have ever met. And he helps me on a daily basis, just embrace that compassion for myself. Um, he's amazing. I gotta, I'm gonna interrupt you and I apologize because there's something you said. It's, there's nothing deserved in this world. It's all earned. So all the work that you did on yourself, you've earned it. So, uh,
• 29:54
  Congratulations, kudos to you. That story that you just shared is every woman, maybe every man's story that man won't be vulnerable enough. That's my story, literally. I have the same story. My ex-girlfriend that partnered with my ex-wife taught me how to love. Worst and best thing that ever happened to me. So I understand. And so I wanna transition to how,
• 30:19
  I hate to go down this because everybody has the same things, but what does Brittany do on a date? What's your daily routine look like to cope with this craziness called life? And then ultimately, I didn't plan for this to go there, but ultimately get you in a loving relationship.
• 30:33
  mutual beneficial relationship that is thriving. Talk about that. Cause that's people love the listeners, love relationship advice. And how do I find love? And they don't realize by loving yourself, starting within and going out, there's nobody, there's no magic person in the world. That's going to make you feel whole and the whole complete you thing.
• 30:59
  Talk about that because that's fire. There's another girl, listen to this right now, that says, I want Brittany. And so talk about what you did, what you do, and how somebody else can follow in your shoes. Well, I think you summed it up perfectly. Nobody's gonna make you whole. You have to make yourself whole first. I hate that concept of my better half. No, it's two wholes that work really well together.
• 31:28
  And what changed for me was when I stopped chasing like the right person, the right person found me. Like legitimately, I told my roommate, I'm done dating. I absolutely hate this dating scene. It's awful. I'm just gonna enjoy just being single and not chasing anything. And when it happens, it happens. And within two weeks of saying that,
• 31:57
  I meet Alex. And I almost didn't go on the date with him because all my experiences have been awful up until that point. And I go on a date with him. And as soon as our eyes met, something just came over me. Like, I felt calm around him. He just had this energy that just made me feel so calm. And...
• 32:17
  I don't know. Like, I would just say stop chasing and attract. And that's so hard for people to do because they're wanting, wanting, wanting. But, yeah, I mean, you nailed it. Find yourself and you'll find that right one. In terms of what I do on a daily basis, you know, what really has changed my life is,
• 32:38
  and my business, I feel like the way I go about business is every morning I take my dog for a walk and I put on something positive. Whether it's a meditation, whether it's, you know, Oprah or Wayne Dyer or anybody that influences me in a positive way and lets me see the big picture. And I just listen to them. Or I listen to success stories of people who had been in a really dark place.
• 33:05
  and now have discovered themselves, right? So it's all this positivity. And then I started a gratitude journal because gratitude, like the ego and all these negative emotions, well, I call them unpleasant emotions because all emotions have a purpose. But these unpleasant emotions that come up, like gratitude just completely extinguishes those, right? You can't be grateful and wanting at the same time.
• 33:33
  I mean, you can be striving, but I think striving and wanting are very different. One is that chasing. The other is enjoying the process. One is a means to an end. The other one, again, is just this is a process. So...
• 33:52
  I don't know if that answered your question. I kind of went down a different road. It's John Gordon that says you can't be grateful and negative at the same time, or grateful and unhappy at the same time. It's impossible. And I'm gonna add to that a little bit is,
• 34:08
  is that you can be grateful for the silliest, simplest little things. I wake up and I'm grateful for my bed. I'm grateful for the night's sleep. I'm grateful for my dog. I'm grateful for the sun. It's just the silliest little things. I do that too, so I love that. Which goes into, I want to talk about...
• 34:30
  You're amazing. You're fired. You have so much wisdom and you've been through it all. You have the proverbial farmer's daughter.
• 34:40
  I want to be able to support you and have the listeners find you. So you have a couple different things going on with your magazine, your Convo Shop Fellowship. Can you talk about how people can get more Brittany? Because this is fire. This is good. You exude it. There's all too often people up here in the professional development, personal development space talking about this is what you need to do. And they never experience any hardship. Right.
• 35:09
  You just heard from Karen, from Crazy Girl. We've all been there. And we're like, what was that? But I'm floored to hear that. So if people want to hear more and get more, talk about these amazing avenues you have for more Britney.
• 35:29
  Yeah. Well, thank you. So I have a podcast, which you mentioned living and leading with emotional intelligence, and it's not a podcast that's necessarily about how to develop emotional intelligence. It's bringing people on to just share their stories to show that emotional intelligence isn't something that you do here and there. It's something that you learn.
• 35:52
  live day in and day out. And so it's just stories about people, how they live and lead quite literally with emotional intelligence. Um, and you can find that on any podcasting platform. And then obviously living and leading with emotional intelligence. And they can also search your name, right?
• 36:12
  Yes, which is a very long name. I know. And every single. It's worth it, guys. I found her. I listened to it. It's fabulous. And I'm not just pumping you up because you're good. I think that you're amazing. And I sometimes forget. I've so, I take in more content than anybody. It is, I'm reading a book right now from Daniel Laporte. And I love.
• 36:32
  hearing from all aspects. I love that you brought Oprah up. I like Dr. Phil. I like Oprah. And then I like the crazy ones like Andy Vercela. So it's... I go all gamuts. I don't just keep the same stuff on repeat. And that's why I love hearing from women. I'm reading...
• 36:47
  How to Be More Loving with Daniel Laporte. She is amazing fire. I don't know if you're familiar with her, but she, I heard her on a podcast. I'm like, whoa, and I reached out to her. That's what's great about this country. And the good thing about social media is we can connect with people that we weren't able to do before. But you really are passionate about this magazine and this fellowship. So please, don't be shy. I know you are very humble. And I want you to put yourself out there.
• 37:16
  and share.
• 37:19
  Yeah. I mean, and then the book, that's a great way to start to, you know, I know a lot of people read the book and then they're like, does this resonate with me? So the EQ deficiency, you can find that on Amazon. And then you mentioned combo shop fellowship. So I have a membership. We meet 90 minutes once a month. We also have a catch up session for those who can't make the 90 minutes. But it's it's a space that allows you to really explore yourself and find that inner peace with.
• 37:48
  without judgment, right? This is a community of people that are all going through the same thing. And the ultimate goal is really to reach your full potential in life. And the ego and fear tend to hold us back from that and finding that inner peace. Because you and I both know that a lot of people are striving for more things, for wealth,
• 38:10
  But inevitably, they get there. And if they weren't happy before they got that wealth, they're still not happy with that wealth. True. And so people come to me and like, okay, I thought this would make me happy, but I realize it's not. And so if you're that type of person and that resonates with you, then let's really get you all the way. This will take you all the way.
• 38:32
  Well, and it's ridiculously affordable. It's almost too cheap. And I always tell people, you know, you're going to go to the bar. You're going to go out. You're going to do things for the price of a cup of coffee. You can join this. And I'm going to, if nothing else, come join and listen to me rant and rave because I'm going to join and I love it. And I can't get enough of it. I'm addicted to the advancement of my mind. So anything I can get more, Brittany, I'll be a part of that. So I'm going to ask you.
• 39:01
  We're going to need to start wrapping up and I'm gonna ask you a couple of fun questions that I, I ask everybody to new podcasts. So it's going to be, they're going to be good things. Um, I think I know the answer to this one after you just tell me those things, but if you were offered a mulligan in life, what would you do over? This is going to be just one of those, um,
• 39:24
  What do they call that? Like, I want to say nothing because, I mean, I know that's so cheesy, but
• 39:34
  But really, everything leads to where you are today. If I wasn't a Karen and I wasn't clingy, then I would have never have hit my own rock bottom that led me to where I am today. I think all of us would love to know what we know now back then. But the whole fun of life is the process, right? And what would I be processing? What would I be striving for if I already had all the answers?
• 39:59
  Doesn't it make you excited for what's yet to come? I had a very dear friend of mine always says, how good can you handle life? How good can you handle it? It sounds egocentric, but it's not. And it's not, I think back in my, you know, it's well-documented. I just passed four years of not drinking. And my uncle says to me, don't you wish you would have quit sooner? Nope.
• 40:21
  Wouldn't have taken. And everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. And everything happens for me, not to me. So I'm with you. I wouldn't read it. I wouldn't do anything over. And there's good stories that will be coming out about it'll be in my book, Harder Than Life, about how I was arrested for selling drugs. I got stories that I could I could live without. But.
• 40:43
  They made me who I am today and they're going to help me help everybody else. So they, they help us. So I, I accept and I receive you're not doing anything over and I, and it's not cheesy and I love it. Um, if you could have dinner with one person, who would it be and why? One person. Oh my gosh. See, I hate these questions because you should know that I am terrible at choosing things. Yeah.
• 41:11
  Oh, gosh, that's a hard one. I would say, you know, maybe a philosopher like Plato, somebody that just, like, really got the universe. How about Ram Dass? Do you follow Ram Dass?
• 41:27
  I don't think so. No. Oh my God. You got to look up some of his. I mean, I've seen, I've seen his, I've seen the quotes and things like that, but there's so many amazing people. It's really hard to choose, but yeah, I would say someone who just really tapped into that deeper essence of being and just got it, you know? Love it. The last question is, this is, this is an important one to me because I'm,
• 41:53
  I just love it. If you could create one universal law, what would it be and why? Well, I feel like this is like a trick. Well, not a trick question, but my response, because it already exists. We just haven't tapped into it. But unconditional love.
• 42:12
  Again, cheesy that love heals all, but you ask anybody who has overcome hardship and they'll tell you, you know, love is the answer, whether it's love for yourself, love for other people. I believe that unconditional love is a universal law. I don't believe it's a law we're abiding.
• 42:31
  I love that. And my word for this year, my mantra for this year is love. If you, in my bathroom, when I shower every morning, it says, Ram Dass quote, love everyone, everything, love everyone and tell the truth. My universal law would be everybody has to tell the truth because as much as people think
• 42:50
  The truth hurts once, a lie hurts forever. And on top of it, it's courageous and people can handle it. So love is everything to me. I love, you'll hear, if anybody follows me or knows or watch my social media, they'll hear me say, I love you a thousand times because I love myself. It started there. I love life and love is the answer. And love is the way it sounds really cheesy, but it's not.
• 43:16
  It's how can people find you on, uh, on socials and it'll all be in the show notes, but I still want it in here. So, uh, you're an amazing person and I want everybody to find you. Well, thank you. LinkedIn's my primary platform. That's where I reside the most. I do have an Instagram and a Tik TOK. I just got on Tik TOK not too long ago. So everything that I post on Tik TOK is about mindfulness and emotional intelligence. Um,
• 43:45
  So I'm at self underscore liberator. So self liberator, um, because I believe that's what emotional intelligence has allowed is for me to liberate myself from myself. And that's what I tell other people. Like, what do you do? I teach people to liberate themselves from themselves. So get out of their own way. So to speak, that's the easiest thing. Get out of your own way. Exactly. One hundred percent. And then the Instagram handle.
• 44:10
  Instagram, well, I'm going to give you the magazine one. It's at the underscore EI underscore magazine. And EI is for emotional intelligence. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
• 44:22
  Brittany, you're amazing. This was great. I- Thank you so much for having me. There was a couple more things about vulnerability that I wanna talk about. I think vulnerability is the new cool. You exude what everybody, every woman, every man should want to become. And I wish you nothing but the best with health and happiness in 2023. And I look forward to expanding our relationship. Same to you, Kelly. Thank you so much. It's a pleasure.
• 44:48
  Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.